Country Music Star Sara Evans is no stranger to the top of the charts with hits like "Born to Fly," but she's also down to earth and known for keeping it real!
The singer-songwriter and straight-shooter joins Cheryl for a candid chat about her time on Season Three of DWTS, including the stress of doing the show while her marriage was falling apart, juggling motherhood to three small children, and a tour. She also details a tense encounter with her ex-husband involving her children and intervention by dance partner Tony Dovolani, which led to her decision to leave the show after week six.
Plus, Sara opens up about dealing with body dysmorphia, how comments from online trolls affect her, and why she feels she would have won the Mirrorball Trophy if she had stayed in the competition!
This is Sex Lies and Spray Tans with me Cheryl Burke and iHeartRadio podcast. Welcome back you guys to sex Lizes and Spray Tans. And I have to say today's episode is super special. I actually went to NAPA to do this specific interview in person. So let's just get started. We're joined by the incredibly talented Sarah Evans as she opens up about her challenging yet transformative experience on Dancing with the Stars during a pivotal moment in her life to say the least. We really dive deep into her journey through a tough divorce while competing on the show, and her dynamic partnership with Tony Devlani himself and how she was able to turn adversity into empowerment in her music and personal life. Plus Sarah shares her enduring love for the show and whether she'd even lace up her dancing shoes again. Well, let's get started as we explore the resilience and rebirth of a true country star. Please welcome my friend Sarah Evans to the podcast. Cannot believe, Sarah, it's been twenty freaking years almost.
I literally can't believe it. It seems like yesterday, guys, because for me it was one of the highlights of my career.
You know, for you it was your wob of highlights though.
Still yeah, yeah, I'll.
Never forget us in the makeup trailers because like that is where we all really get close, because we don't have time to do this, like sit in chat for an hour and then you know, that is our time in the makeup trailer, We're all freaking out and nervous. Everyone's trying to get their eyelashes on, and like all these conversations are happening and we're just like having fun, you know, absolutely, so Oh my goodness. First of all, congratulations on everything. I'm so happy for you. You look amazing. Thank you. You really do. You're like glowing, like from the inside out. Thanks, and I'm so happy. And I have been following your career, so congratulations on everything.
And I've been following you too. Every time I see you, I'm just like, oh my god, you look amazing too. By the way, I feel like I have so many things I want to ask you.
Oh, go ahead, we can switch it, switch it around.
Well, I just when I first saw you. My main memory of you is when we went out to the club because I was going, I was awake, I was kind of being a little bit wild, like I wasn't doing anything, you know, like with guys or whatever, because I was still married but going through the divorce. But we would go out and party, and I knew how to have fun, and you knew how to fun. You were crazy, crazy, crazy, and but I was kind of intimidated by you. I was intimidated about all of you. Interesting why because you were just all so amazing and it's not what we do.
But even in normal like in a normal setting when we would go to Hide, it was called Hide that club. Yes, yeah, I was that girl once. So I was a ballroom dancer by day and a club goer by night. That was my job.
Yeah, And I remember you like trying to get me to even open up at Hide and dance, and you know, just just like let loose, Let loose, you know, because I was so kind of rigid.
Well and by the way, though, I also think that, look, it's a whole thing like if your personal life right at the time may have not maybe felt stable, it's not going to necessarily translate when you're doing a show that you have to also be vulnerable doing it's like, it's scary. It's scary, very scary. So let's go back. So first of all, how did you even get approached to doing Dancing with the Stars And were you a fan? Did you watch the second season?
Okay, okay, we were doing CMA fes right, I don't know if you've ever been yes, in Nashville. Are you country music fans? I am?
But I also presented one seat like one year.
Oh yeah, oh very well, it's fun. Okay. So we were doing CFS. I came off stage and the producer what's her name, Dina Katz, was on my tour bus, and I remember that I started watching Dancing with the Stars and I go, oh my god, I love that show and she goes, you do, and I said, yes, I want to be on it because that's just so me, you know, like I want to try everything. And she was like, you do, really you would, and I said absolutely. Well then I had a baby and so after Audrey was born, somehow we connected. I don't know how all this stuff happens, you know how that is? And I think I believe it was on the third season and they just called and said, you know, we want her and went out to Oregon to do my training. In my first meet with Tony, you found out that he was my partner.
Did you request him?
No? No, And the thing is, you don't. They don't tell tell you who your partner is. They film it right as you know, they brief They must have briefed you. No, No, I had no idea. So like, okay, I had no idea who Tony was.
They definitely had to brief me for Emma Smith because I was like, who is this dude? Like no clue whatsoever.
Yeah, yeah, well like yeah, maybe they told Tony.
No, I think Tony. Tony definitely was a he's a huge fan, Like he was a huge fan.
Yeah, yeah, well he was. I was going through the divorce and that's why I chose to rehearse in Oregon because I was trying really hard not to get a divorce because I didn't believe in it. I didn't want to do it, and I just had a baby. And you know, I always tell Audrey she's nineteen now the baby. Can you believe that she's nineteen? She is my exact twin, like one hundred, like total twin. Avery. My son is twenty four Livey's twenty one, Audrey's nineteen and so we were going through marriage counseling, and so he wanted to be an Oregon and I decided to train an Oregon for that summer.
But you were also on tour.
And I was also on tour. I was doing everything. I mean, that was wow. And I was the only mom on that season. So after about six hours of training, I would start getting really a and c and want to go home to be with the kids because I'm obsessed with my children and two kids.
No, okay, I might my French shee, my French bulldog. She's like my daughter.
Yeah, so you're obsessed.
I mean literally she walks me. I don't walk her. Like it's a weird dynamic. This is probably why I shouldn't have kids. But uh, that's for a different podcast. You should have kids, you'd be well, you know, yeah, I would love to. I would love to adopt. Actually, yeah you should. Yeah, you should think you'd be a great mother. So I watched all your dances obviously, and I believe, because like there's this thing where I don't think it should be a rule, but I believe I would love to have had notes from the because honestly, we're fifty percent of this partnership, so like you are a projection of what we give you.
Right, Yes, if.
We say dance this routine, you're not gonna you know, you're gonna dance the routine. Yeah, Now, if there's something wrong with the routine, I would appreciate the feedback so then I can be better, so that in turn you can be better.
That's right. That would help you, guys so much. And then Tony could have And Tony was conservative in his choreography, you know, so I felt that that hurt me a lot because they would always say, you know, you're just too rigid, you're too con and I'm like, well, I'm just doing what i'm told. I'm just doing what i'm told. I don't know what to do. I mean, if you want me to come out and sing the SAIDs in the bucket, I will, but I you know, the dancing part, I don't know. But I thought they hated me from the very beginning. And then I also thought maybe it's something like they want to be mean to me so that all my fans will come to my fins.
And you know, because I was like reverse psychology, right.
I was trying to just figure it out.
So there is a psychology that's untold on the show, not on purpose because I'm doing these rewatches. So I'm right now on seas the premiere of season three.
So I thin it's fascinating to you.
It is traumatizing, but also it's like therapeutic, yes, because I've never seen a show like this, right, Like I've only seen my dance so that I know what to work on with my partner, and I've never seen but there's a whole crazy underlying psychology on Dancing with the Stars. Like for me, what's more important as a viewer now is the package, not the dance. I can care less what you do because if you guys don't have real chemistry, or if there's tension packages or like meaning, or if there's like even just the body language of someone, it's really like for me, I'm just like, oh, why would I vote? Why would I vote for that?
Right?
Right? If there's like nasty like hate to TheBus, of course, because you don't want to root for that. You actually want to root for the person who's working hard and who has a great camaraderie with his partner and chemistry but like but also not in a threatening way. It's interesting, So I'm still trying to figure it out well.
And I also feel like they do allow some people to come on who already know how to dance.
But they don't do well for the most part, unless you're a Nicol Shure singer.
But oh did she do well?
Did she? She danced with and she also danced, So now it's like, who is your pro partner because they have their own fan base. So if you're gonna be pair with Derek Huff, I mean right right, But now he's a judge, but still like he's won six thousand Mirrorball trophies and we've only had like thirty three seasons.
It's crazy, exactly. That's such a great point. Yeah, And I think Tony and Tony and I are still friends and we still speak every now and then. And I Livy and I did this thing called Closet Chaos during the pandemic and where we would just go live on Instagram and talk Levi's my middle child, and so we had Tony come on. Right after we were done, Tony called me and we caught up. And but I don't think people loved Tony. People at the show because he was always real sort of bullheaded about this is the way I want to do it, and you know, and then then we then we went through Ramadan.
I heard you say this on Bobby Bones's podcast.
And the dude would not eat. And I'm like, now you're already so mean, mean in a in a coaching way, totally, you know, totally, and and now you're starving to death. So I'm like, what's it going to take to to get you to eat? And he was like, well, if you donate so you know, a certain amount of money to my mosque that I go to, then I can break Ramadan breakfast. So I was like, where is my checkbook? And so I donated money to the mosque and he broke fast and got in a little bit of a better mood. But I was also gone through divorce, so I was showing up crying. You remember that I was crying. My eyes were puffy all the time. I mean, it was one of the hardest yet exhilarating times of my life.
And that's the thing. It's like you're already being like broken open, like you're on dancing the storage. You're like, what the heck am I doing? I'm doing this Fox shot. My partner's really at me and I'm going through this divorce.
Yes, how did you My ex husband would come to every show and send in the audience so he could be seen on television.
That's crazy.
Yeah, so we weren't speaking. He was always using my children to scare me, like, you know, not return them. Try to paint a picture as though, you know, I'm not a good mom because I'm on Dancing with the Stars and I'm not with them, you know, just shit like that. Yet every episode he was sitting right there in the front road because he, you know, wanted to be seen on TV and wanted to be a part of it.
Do you think it was hard for him to see you dance with Tony?
Oh, he accused me of having an affair with Tony. He accused me of having an affair with eleven.
People, eleven eleven on the show.
No, just in Glee. I I don't have time to pee. I have three babits right, much less a long time eleven affairs. But you know, let me see this. Why do the Why does the dancer and the contestant have to touch all the time?
Look, it's beautiful. The art of ballroom, I believe is so beautiful because you can actually execute speed and dynamics within the two people more than you could if you were doing it on your own, just because of gravity and because of that lead and follow, and for me, I love it for that. Now, why I think there's always like so much gossip around hookups and all of this is because you're taking celebrities that have never maybe performed like this before. You're full on in and arranged marriage in a way. Right, it's seven days a week, regardless of what anyone says, and you need to be vulnerable in order to do well. So you can come on the show with ego that's fine, or you can come on the show and be like, I'm not doing what you're saying. It's only going to hurt you, yes, right, And so on top of that, you're vulnerable, especially for the women pros like you know, I have danced with multiple football players who literally are like I'm nervous, like they've never felt like this before, and you go through this emotional roller coaster and you do develop a bond. It doesn't mean if I'm run bying with Emmett Smith. First of all, never you know, we have boundaries, right.
Like just because you're dancing together, because with somebody and glare into their eyes and look like I'm in love. I mean, you know, I did Crossroads with Marine five and Adam Levine and I had the most unbelievable chemistry on stage while we were singing together. He looks like we were in love. But but that was just performance, So I get that.
But it's like any sex scene you would see, right, It's not like you're not like continuing. I mean maybe you are, but like it's just it's not I might lose my number. I'm so tired of my partner at the end of the season. I'm like, I don't want to talk to you for like two months, right, like literally lose my number. Like it's not that sexy.
Beau.
So my listeners love you, like obviously they're all Dancing with the stars. Fans take me through like a typical week, because I think what fans have always wanted to know is like how intense when people say it's consuming, Like how consuming and like being obviously on tour and then you know the dynamic between you and Tony.
Yeah, it was. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my career, my professional life, just because the three kids. So we moved to Beverly Hills. They rented us a beautiful home, so that part of it was great. My nanny was there, so the kids, I knew you were fine. They were having fund we had a pool, it was It was great. However, I was still having to do shows that I had already committed to on tour. We we tried to minimize that as much as we could, but I would say that the worst part was just the fact that I was going through divorce and I was always afraid that my ex was going to take the kids, like while I was rehearsing and take them to Oregon or just you know, take him away from me. And even our marriage counselor said, look, stay away from her during Dancing with the Stars, will reconvene afterwards. He wouldn't hear of that. The touching part, the being with Tony all the time, that bothered him a lot. But I didn't give a shit because I was not. I mean, I always had I said earlier. I always kind of had this guilt because I wasn't really in love, and you know, but I but I made three beautiful, amazing children through it. So it's hard to say that. You know, a typical day would be getting up super early, you know, driving to the dance studio, rehearsing, and being yelled at all day, just you know, even though like I'm trying by Tony, by Tony all day, and he would tell me he wanted to win. Yeah, he wanted to win. And he would explain to me, like where I'm from, this is considered Yeah, this is considered very masculine, very competitive. So it's not personal that I'm yelling at you, So don't take a part. But you know, I would go to the bathroom about every thirty minutes and cry for a second because I'm such a people pleaser and I wanted and I'm also a perfectionist, so I would get you know how when you're like in math class or something in you there's just something you don't understand or you can't do, and you cry. You just want to cry. That's how I was all the time. I wanted to cry all the time.
Were you able to be your authentic self think on camera or why why didn't you want to cry on camera?
I was never my authentic self on camera? On Dancing with the Stars because I thought the judges hated me, and when he made that remark you remind me of Barbara Bush on episode one. I thought they thought that I was conservative and then it was political. My boots were made for walking. Dance was good, No, you were just solid. By the way, it's always harder. I say this a million times, but it's harder to dance slow than it is fast because with the slowness of your movement, you see all the mistakes and you're off balance, you see that. But when you dance fast, then you can just like skip through. If you mess up, oh well you don't really.
See it, right, But like your throwaway over sway, which is a fox shot step where like you slowly get into the position where you're lunging your head. It was so it was so good.
Well, thank you.
I was shocked actually, because that's hard. It was hard, like could there have been a spicier like yes, yes.
Yeah, I was very, very very uncomfortable. Now I will say when it was time, when it was go time and we got out in front of the live audience, well that's.
My of course, that's a your arena.
Yeah, So when I got in front of the live audience. My performance instinct took over. That helped a lot. A lot of people are so scared of that. Yeah, I loved that part of it. That was my favorite part of it.
Did you feel that people were rooting for you because they were?
Yes, I did felt the love. I felt the love. I really did. And then all of country music, you know, there were I don't know if you guys knew this, but you know, country radio all over America was talking about it. I was the first country act to go on and they were coming to the show.
Well, this was the highest rated show ever in the Dancing with Star's history. We had super Bowl ratings. Wow, So for the finale, but I think it obviously it had a lot to do with the audience you brought as well to the show. Yeah, it was thirty five million people tuned into the finale.
And see that's why I didn't so when I filed for divorce and I had to leave the show the next day. So there was a you know, terrible thing that happened at the Grove that restaurant.
Can you explain it? I'm sorry if you don't want to relive it.
Well, we we were just all there eating. My ex husband was there. He was catching on to the fact that, you know, I was something was going to go down. I had already you know, filed or or called my lawyers and written done the papers and then we were going to file the next day. And so I think that he knew that and could sense that. So he picked my son up and ran out of the restaurant with him. Tony knew everything that was going on, because of course we were together all the time. He knew. In fact, when Tony first met my ex, he said, what's wrong with your husband? Because he could tell that there were a lot of problems, you know. And so I texted Tony and I said, come over to the restaurant. He was at the next restaurant.
Were you at that Italian place?
We're at the time place? And he was like at the Mexican place right right?
Or like ranch would Ranch? Yeah, yeah, exactly, I know exactly where you are. Got it? Got it? Got it?
So he started running out of the restaurant with my child.
So did you see him and come in?
And Tony started walking towards him, but he found two off duty policemen that were eating. He basically picked them up and said come with me. So they were coming our way. Tony put his arm out and said stop. I reached for my child, got him back. Police kept us there. They were like, what's going on. We had to explained the whole deal and it was just a it was a nightmare. And the next day we were going to start the group dance.
So this show was about ten weeks. It was ten weeks and you left week six, which is right, you left the best type though. Honestly, this is when we did two dances a week. This is insanity, Like it's insanity the amount of work. And then back then we had result shows. There's no more result shows now, so we had less time to rehearse, meaning like we had a three day turnaround. Like time is not on your side obviously, as you know, right, this is the one thing Tony is. I mean, he's many things, but he'll have your back till the day you die. He did. Did you feel protected by him?
Absolutely? I mean he would have killed my ex husband, killed that night, literally killed, if he had not gotten hold of himself and realized like I've got it, Yeah, I can't run out of here with our child and take him away from his mother. And my two girls were there too. They were babies, both of them in diapers. So Tony would have.
Killed him killed, yeah, like and no regrets.
Yeah, because Tony had to go through all of our training in the whole season with me crying constantly, and.
Well he also he has love for you, you know, and like he has kids, he has his own family, his own wife, that's right. I remember him saying this to me, like I can't even imagine, like if this guy and then I would I remember him always talking to the producers about it because we were all worried about you, and especially in the makeup trailer, like I just I mean I was so young then, but I was just like I just wanted to give you a hug, like I couldn't even imagine, and like, to be honest, I just felt so much compassion. And at the same time, I was like, how is she still doing the show? Was it a hard decision for you to bow out? Or was it like, no, I have to do this for my family. Was it like you knew you had to do this.
I because of what they went through, especially my son, because of that night. The next day, I was going to have to be gone like twelve hours learning the group dance.
It's like that's the last thing you want to do, right, Yeah.
And I was like, I'm not leaving them for five seconds. So I just called my manager and I said, I have to quit the show. I'm so sorry. So Dancing they were pretty good about it. They just said, if you'll give us an interview and let the fans know why you're leaving, And so I just said, you know, I'm going through a divorce and something happened that was very traumatic for my children, and I can't leave them.
Tom Bergeron did this sit down, and ye.
Yes, Tony did the interview with me, which was so helpful, and and then we basically left. But you know, like even with your dog, like you can't imagine something that's traumatic happening and then having them be gone the whole next day. No way, that's not worth it.
Nothing is that's your I mean, yeah, I can't even imagine with kids, But like if I'm like this with my little friend seet, oh my goodness, that's right there.
No way. But thank you for saying that, because I I had no idea that you guys even knew.
Well, we didn't I didn't know. No, you know, as dancers to where we feel everything like our energies, and I just I just knew that there was nothing we could do other than just be here whenever you needed us, Like, yeah, we were sending you so much love. And you know, Xena still does my makeup. I love. Yeah, so she loves you. She's the head of the makeup department now at the Stars High. So she just did it this morning because like I had to do. Jennifer Hudson, she loves you.
Oh my god, the way, thank you shout out to Ze enough of her, she was my favorite far.
She loved you, and she just again like we did talk about, you know, today we're going to do this interview and she just wants she just we just love you so much and I'm just so happy you're in a better place today.
Thank you.
Would you ever do the show again? If they asked?
We talked about doing the show again, and they told me that because I've already done it, that I have an advantage over other people.
When did you guys talk about doing it? Was it for All Stars?
No, it was about four years ago. Oh wow.
Yeah, I've always said the show should do because like Jewel was supposed to do the show, but she got injured, so she had to bow out. There's a lot of people that have gotten injured that had to or whatever. Yeah, they left right, So I think they have enough people now to where you could do a full season. I think. But would you do it?
I would? You really would?
I knowing consuming it is.
Well, because all my kids are grown right, and so I don't have the and and they would come out with me and live here. We would live here, do it?
Who would you want to?
I would have to dance with Tony?
No, because Tony's on the show shoot.
Would they let him back on?
Probably if you request him.
Yeah, I would have to dance with Tony, just because he was such a faithful friend to me, and and so was his wife. She was there were also times where she would comfort me and you know, yeah, yeah, it was it was you know, thank God. I grew up on a farm. I learned how to be very resilient and hard working. And my life has just been a series of one incredibly dramatic thing after another, and it but I always believe that, you know, God is always part acting and providing, and so dancing with the Stars could have been my way of escaping what I was going through, finding strength or finding strength to be done. That's right, that's right.
So I've heard you say that if you stayed on the show that you would have won. Spill the tea over emmittt. Smith, over mister Twinkletoes himself. You really think, so, Sarah, Well.
I'm not gonna sit here and say I'm not gonna sit here and say that over you.
No, No, it's not about me. It's Dancing with the Stars.
No, But I mean you are walking awesome and I love Like this sounds weird, but I always loved your body. I was always like, oh my god, because you're You're Kirby sexy. So when you danced in those ways, it wasn't like the the you were just so fit and curvy. And I don't know, I love your my favorite one to watch dance by far far and for real and I and I had fun hanging with you and partying with you. But I think I would have won because of the country fans.
They're die hard. Yes, I'm telling you, I think Duliche and I won because we danced to save a horse, ride a cowboy. That's literally why we want. It's not even what we shook what we did, like the execution of our dance, because it was real basic. It was a great dance. I mean yeah, but it was like come on, like it wasn't like so crazy complicated, but it was because of big and Rich I'm telling you right now, absolutely.
Absolutely, And that's why I think I would have won. Because country fans, I feel like they're.
Friends, you know, real people.
They're very real people. They're all from Middle America. They're not from la or New York. They're just people just like me. I grew up on a farm in Missouri, and so those are my fans. I'm sure they were like you know at the time, because oh my god, they were very easy for Sarah. Because so that's why I think I would have won, not because of my dancing skills, but because of them, loyal fans. Loyal fans.
Going back to how open you are. First of all, I'm a huge advocate for mental health, so I really appreciate your transparency and how vulnerable you are. What makes you want to share your experiences with the world, Because like you said, it isn't perfect ebbs and flows right, right, but it also can't be easy to have to face either.
You know, I don't like it when people assume that stars have perfect lives. I think it damages normal people. It's very unhealthy. The Kardashians, I love them. I love watching their show because I like watching their I like their fashion and you know, looking at their hair and makeup and and I really and truly do like Kim Kardashian. However, I think they are tone deaf at times when the world's going through you know, hard financial times, and they're like, check out my knee Bentley and you know, all this stuff. So I don't think that's good mentally for people. And now that we have TikTok and Instagram and the phones, and parents are giving their children phone smartphones way way, way too young. So they're looking at a Kardashian or even if you want to even say Sarah Evans or Sholburt and they're saying, my life sucks compared to hers, because she's beautiful, she's rich, she's the So that's why I'm so open, because I want people to know that life is hard for everybody. I mean, I got to hit black car when I was eight years old, almost died. I almost died in a plane crash, I fell in a sewer, almost drowned. Like, I've had three near death experiences. Yes, And I've been through divorce. I've been through trouble in my marriage with Jay, and so I've always been an open person. I was born an optimist, and I feel like people should believe that God is always providing and protecting and that their life is wonderful and that I'm probably I'm probably living a more stressful life than the normal person. So I like for people to know that.
You're also under a microscope. Yeah, so, like what is the difference? Honestly, it's the fact that everything is just magnified times a thousand, right, Like people get divorced, but try to get a divorce.
In the limelight.
Yes.
And I hate it when like preachers or you know, they'll get up on the pulpit because I'm a strong believer. I'm a strong Christian, but I don't like organized religion. I hate it when a preacher will get up on the pulpit and be like, you know, you may be a famous person, but you're da da da, and you don't you know, know the Lord because you're that's not true. I mean just because you're famous. I mean I'm famous because I worked my ass off. You're famous because you worked your ass off dancing and training and you know, but.
We like it worked your ass off, like yeah, even before the fame, like before the right, right, right.
We work hard. I mean probably harder than a lot.
Of just you know, it's not a nine to five job. Our job is not nine to five, is what I'm trying to say. Yeah, yeah, like it really is twenty four to seven.
That's right, it's twenty four to seven. We choose it, and we choose it, and it's it's heaven and hell and any documentary that you watch, you know, like we just watched a documentary about the Eagles recently, and it's heaven and hell at the same time. It's a blessing anacurse at the same time. And yes, we may have money because of it, but money is not happiness. Money is just makes things easy or hard or hard.
It could be complicated.
Yeah, it depends on how you view it.
How do you handle with fame comes people's opinions, How do you handle all of this?
It bothers me, it does, Yes, I won't say that it doesn't. I have an eating disorder, got it, I I am. I'm more scared of being fat than anything in the world. And that's not good. That's not normal. Body dysmorphia. Body body dysmorphia me too, by the way. So I saw you do yes every day and I believe that being a dancer as well. And yeah, and anytime you're on stage and you're being judged, you know, my record label after I every time I'd had a baby, they would be like, when's she gonna lose weight? You know, and so things like that would just get in my head. I'm a people pleaser. I'm a performance based Like if I'm skinny and I'm pretty and I did a good show, then I'm loved. Oh no, girl, I tell you yeah, So you know, and I want to feel loved no matter what I mean. Who doesn't correct exactly? And I was reading comments on one of my podcasts the other day and somebody goes, what happened to your face? And that bothered me all day long, all day long, and I just wanted to respond like, how dare you? But it's always that person. You go to their site and they have they have never posted and they have zero followers. Not I haven't done anything to my face. I've had botox, thank you.
If people think I got a whole face redone, I'm like, really, when did I do this?
Yeah? I mean you want to know what happened in my face? I'm fifty two.
Right, you face in front of people. Though, by the way we all evolve, everyone needs to calm down. Yes, yeah, so frustrating, but then you also have to like for me, I have to realize, like, I'm never going to get everyone to like me, right, but.
I want it.
I have abandonment issue. It was like saying I've had daddy issues saying me too, Like that is definitely something that I just want. And I also found out the hard way. I can't by love, that's for sure. Yeah, even if I've tried. Yeah, Like, there's no way no. And then it goes back to me right, which is why I'm choosing to be single after my divorce, because I'm just like, if I don't love myself, or if I don't if I don't have any self worth, how the hell am I going to pick somebody who has that for himself, let alone has that for me?
And the correct person well, right.
Yeah, And mind you though, and I'm the correct person for me right now, because like I continue on this horrible pattern of dating the same type of men, which clearly doesn't work right, It just doesn't.
How old were you when did your parents divorce?
When I was two? My first memories of my father cheating on my mom when I was time, Yeah.
I was twelve, and so I had my dad for twelve years and he adored me. Well then, I think I don't know his he passed in twenty one. I think he was so heartbroken and my parents had five children together. I think he was so heartbroken that he couldn't be around us. Really, so I was always chasing after him and wanting his love, and that translated into men, and then that translates to everybody.
Right, But then you can change it, right.
But at the same time, I do have strong convictions, and so when I stand up for myself, it it bothers people because they're used to me being such a people pleaser. So when I do stand up for myself or say that's unacceptable or I won't do that, I have boundaries. When I have boundaries, Yes, when I put up boundaries, it makes people angry.
Yeah, but by the way, that's normal, right.
But then you get in the cycle again of like, I'm sorry, don't be mad at me. If it wasn't for my three children, I would die. And I have my husband sitting right here, but if I didn't have them, I would die because they love me. And I will say, Okay, I'm just going to brag on myself for one second.
Girl, go for it. You deserve it.
And I'm a great mom. I know I'm a great I could tell thank you. It's it's the it's the first thing I care about in the world, besides my relationship with God and my marriage. And you know they always say like it's you know, God and your marriage and and your kids. I think with a second marriage it's not quite that. But Jay adopted my children and he raised them with me. So but Jay knows that he or nobody competes with no one's going to compete with them because they're so sweet to me all the time. And I raised them with a lot of respect, so I started. I respected them. I never yelled at them. I never, I mean I spanked them because I wanted them to be good people and discipline, but I never have. I've never disrespected them, especially my son. When he was around twelve, I stopped mothering him in that way like no, uh uh no, you know, get clean your you know, never because that respect is reciprocal.
You know that's actually and is that how you were raised?
Yeah, my mom was real nice to me. My mom is just not real emotional. And I'm overly emotional with my children in the lovely way like if Audrey says, Okay, I'm gonna go shower, I'm like, okay, I love you because.
She's going upstairs. That's needed because she's going upstairs. Did they ever feel like do they come to you for like if they have home so they're an open book with you?
Oh my gosh, I mean overly.
And did you feel like that with your parents?
Not with my dad at all? I mean because like I said, I was always chasing my dad. My dad married two more times after my parents divorced, and both times he had a stepdaughter that was my age, and he was, like I said, he was a bad divorced dad. So he didn't get it. He didn't understand what I was going through and that I needed him and I craved him so much. Now my mom I could have real good conversations with and she's but she's from the Midwest and she's a farmer, and we're not overly emotional. So I decided when I had kids that I was going to be very emotional with them in a positive.
Way, Like, because feelings are okay to have, right, Like, there's nothing wrong with showing your feelings.
Yes, Like my son tells me everything. My girls tell me everything, even if it's the worst possible thing you can imagine, because they feel saffe with you. Yeah, because they know they're loved unconditionally. They know that from J two, you know that we're both gonna love them no matter what. Unconditionally. We're never gonna yell at them, We're never gonna humiliate them.
But you're such an amazing mom. Thank you, really, thank you Before we move on, for just like two fan questions here, even though there's a million, what is one thing one takeaway from just that your time when you did dance with the stars through your divorce, and something that I guess for anyone who's in a similar situation, what would what advice would you give them?
I think I learned how strong I am dancing with the stars taught me so much about myself that I could accept a challenge. I could do something scary. I could work myself to the bones, as you very well know from being on the show all those years. And I just remember thinking, if I can do this, I can pretty much do anything, because this is the hardest thing I've ever done. And at the same time, I loved it, I really really loved it. I would do it again in a heartbeat.
I heard you say on Bobby Bones' podcast, I love him, by the way.
Isn't he great? I love his story as an asshole, I am a fan of me too, And I told him, but I get him his face, I said, I thought you were an.
Ass because of his trauma. I don't want to talk about him, but I totally get it. I totally get it.
Yep.
Okay, two fan questions really quick. But I did hear it. Wait, I was gonna say, I heard you say that you felt embarrassed when you did the show. What can you say more like? Was it just because of the.
I thought I wasn't very good?
Is it the judges?
Yeah?
Got it?
That just embarrassed me. That lady judge carry Yeah, she was never nice. To me until the very end, until I did the boots are made for walking thing, and then she was like, yes, that's what I wanted to see.
And I was just like, You're like, what do you want to show me?
Yeah? I just wanted to be like, show me right exactly, you get your ass out here and do it.
At Bella Verea. I would love to know the process of the album, your new album. It's amazing. Thank you from writing it, and how you feel now that it's released.
Writing the album was very hard because Jane and I were separated, and so when you wrote it, when I wrote it, I was I mean every song was so depressed.
Was it therapeutic at the same time or no?
Yeah, it was because I would we have to explain to my co writers at least a little bit. You know, they're like, what's of you? And you know I would cry. Then I wrote a song with a guy named Jeff Trot who has co produced all of Sheryl Crowe's records. He wrote if It makes You Happy by himself like and we wrote twenty one Days together. That was the first song we wrote. When I wrote that song with him, he made a little demo sent it back to me, and I was like, no, I'm going to take this record in a different way and I'm going to ask him to co produce with me. Then the record became a little happier, it became a little more But at the same time, Jane and I were getting back together, we were moving back in together. We were you know, I was so relieved that we didn't divorce, and so the songs started changing to being a little more positive. Now Pride is the lead single. Reason I name the album Unbroke is because it has two meanings. The song talks about divorce. When you have children and you divorce, nobody's hearts get out unbroke because it breaks everyone's hearts. You're you're extended families, your kids, your cousins, I mean everybody. It breaks everybody's heart, you know, because everybody's I don't know, you know, it's a loss of a dream and death. You're grieving a death. Absolutely, And so the song says, nobody's heart gets out unbroke. Now that title is means something different. Now the title is we're back together and we are unbroken. We're unbroken. We're I mean, yeah, we're unbroken, and we're we're like humpty dumpty. I mean, we've been put back together. And I'm so proud of this record because it's deep and it's I'm a lyricist and you know, more than more than Melody got it, and so I'm I'm just really really proud of it.
And but it's so real and raw. Thank you, Like you're definitely one to just I think that's honestly why everyone loves you, because like I can relate to your story like millions others can relate to your story. Yes, and that is something in your messaging and just like you're not trying to be something, You're just being yourself because at the end of the day, that's all you can be, right, That's right, that's your unique self. I wish I could look up to somebody when I was younger going through a lot of stuff, but no one was able to talk about it, right. So I'm so grateful for you, really and thank you and your story even if it's not, you know, a fairy tale, because what the hell, that's not real. Let's be real, it's not real, the Notebook's not.
It's the main we can do in this life is love each other and just allow people to be who they are and and have their own opinions.
And you are just sending that message every single day, so through your music, through your voice, and you know your podcast is amazing.
Thank you?
Is it hard to open up? Like, do you want to talk about your podcast? You don't like it?
I don't. I mean, I I love doing the podcast, and I'm you know, I'm not a journalist, so I'm I'm like, I'm learning how to you know, get people to go deep. And I'm a good listener. But I'm not a journalist, so I want but I'm so competitive, so I want my podcast to do great. I'm not going to do anything unless I think I can make it great. I don't want to fail in anything.
What does great mean to you?
Top five?
Oh?
Like you like charts?
Yes?
Yes, yes, you know, ad Space, ads money, You're so real.
I love you so much. Yes.
If I'm not, if it's that's not going to happen, what's the point, right, you know? And so that's just the way I look at it. If if that's not going to happen, then I'd rather be on the cloud couch with Jay watching TV. But I so I do enjoy doing the podcast. But I hate watching myself on it.
What's the messaging that you're trying to uh, Like, what is the through line with your podcast? What is it that you want to share with people.
I like interviewing other famous people and just letting the fans here, Like, you know, I just had Martina on and hearing her story, and man, when you get to that, at the end of the day, we're all alike. Really, we're all one. So they say we're so much alike, we really are. We all struggle.
Yes, it's just different, but yes, yeah, like nobody is living life like you see on Instagram.
That's right, and don't I guess my biggest message takeaway from this whole podcast is don't believe the Kardashians.
That's the quote of the month. Thank you, Sarah, You're welcome. I love you seriously. It's so good to catch up.
I love you too, and it has been wonderful to see you again. Good to see I follows you all these years. I've watched all your instagrams.
Thank you so much for coming on sex.
Thank you for having me really, and then you'll have to.
Come on mine anytime. Make sure you guys follow us at sex Lies and spray tands on our Instagram handle and make sure your comment. Let me know who you want me to interview. What do y'all think? Let me know