Chapter 21: Sex-Posi Mami with Norma and Laura Tejeda

Published Jan 7, 2025, 8:00 AM

In this week's episode of Señora Sex Ed, Diosa and Mala connect with mother-daughter duo, Norma and Laura Tejeda. Laura discusses what it was like growing up in a sex-positive household, how that influenced her sexuality, and how she carries that with her today. Norma opens up about her traditional upbringing in Mexicali and how she met her husband, Laura's father. Together, they reflect on the importance of sex education and sex positivity. 

Amiga sabisque Yore. Sex is la mejor del mundo, A part the La coma.

Ia Senora Senora, Senora, Senora, Senora, Senora, Senora, sa Hi Senora.

Welcome to Senora.

Sex Ed Senora Sex Said is not your Mommy sex Talk. This show is la platica like you've never heard it before. With each episode, we're breaking the stigma and silence around sex and sexuality in LATINX communities.

Latinas have been hyper sexualized in popular culture, but notoriously denied sex education. This podcast is an intergenerational conversation between Latinas from gen X to gen Z, covering everything from puberty and body image to representation in film, television, and music.

Just a reminder that in this show, a Senora is a woman with a lot of life experiences and stories to share. Maybe she's in her thirties, Maybe she's in her forties or fifties or older. Maybe she's trans, maybe she sits.

We are your hosts and producers, Viosa and Mala.

You might recognize us from our flagship podcast, Lokatra Radio. Since twenty sixteen, we've covered all kinds of topics, ranging from politics to mental health, current events, and of course sex. We still have so much to learn though, and we hope you listen to each episode with the Senoras and Senoritas in Your Life.

Chapter twenty one sex Possy.

Mommy, and I just wanted to tell her because first of all, Gilmour Girls was like our fucking Latina version. Like I tell Norma everything. Norma is like my confidante, like she knows everything.

That's loud at the heather. She's a creative and de I trainer from East La. Today she's in conversation with her mom. Nor Tea, a sixty one year old self identified amave Casa originally from Mexicali. Like many of our guests, Norma grew up with conservative views around sex and sexuality.

Look Peria is yeah this.

Laura did not grow up with negative messaging about sex. Her mother never talked about virginity, but rather encourage Lauda to practice safe sex. Lauda also grew up seeing both of her parents model a healthy relatelationship with sex and sexuality.

And then I grew up hearing sexual positive comments all the time, Like my parents had an apron when we have barbecues that said I will cook for sex. So they used to like walk around car nasalas and switch it off and be like who's getting liked and I and we didn't know. We were just like, oh god, they're being irritating. So there's this home video that I remember seeing as a teenager for my seventh birthday. It was it was a Halloween party because I'm a Libra and I was dressed as a seventies girl. My hair was flipped and my mom was raggedy ann and I don't. I remember the birthday as a child and like how much fun it was. I had the jumper. It was like the best birthday as a kid. But as I'm watching this vhs, I'm watching this girl walk up to all my theas and theos and like in character and be like ghetto sex, so geto sex. And as a.

Teen I was like, mao some of them.

So she was going up to people and I was like, oh damn. And so I remember the apron and then I would catch my parents and they'd make out in front of me.

Lauda's household was sex positive and open, and it didn't end there. Lauda's extended family also played a role in her sex education.

But I have a thea my me Nina, who's her older sister who worked for Planned Parenthood, and so at my brother was thirteen, so I must have been like ten eleven. She would give him condoms and it would be like a wondering, like what is that? That's for sex?

Right?

Laudas Primas used to go to an empowerment class for young girls. Although Lauda wasn't able to attend herself, her Primas passed along information and resources they learned in this weekly class.

But I learned from my cousins because they were going in Whittier. All my cousins lived in Whittier. I was the one Inieslos and they would all go to classes put up in so they my tias because they all lived together. On a certain week day, there was no way in how we were about to brave the east Loast Wittier traffic. So when I would hang out with my cousins, they'd be like, I should say, because that's what my family caused me. And so my cousin Nat, who's like my sister, would tell me like, oh yeah, we learned this, We learned that. I think it was like women empowerment classes that had facets of what does it mean for you to get your menstrual cycle? And what how is your body going to be changing? Is like hardcore? Like planned parenthood has always been super sex positive. I wonder now I want to ask my cousin, like what her her talk was like. But they it was kind of like being a woman and being empowered and being a woman, So that's what I remember. I think it was like every Wednesday or Thursday, and I was always the left out cousin. I was like, oh, I remember when we learned this, and it's like and they'd always give me a little baggies. If there was extra baggies, they'd be like, oh, we brought this for you, and there would be a condom inside and like a little pamphlet. So it was also teaching them like what does it mean to take care of the self, to be aware of the self. So yeah, I should ask them. I don't know if it was through planned parenthood, but my Tia will very much connected and worked for plant Parenthood.

Even though Lauda had comprehensive sex ed had resources and adults she could openly speak to. She describes herself as a late bloomer compared to her peers. If you've listened to any previous episodes of Senora sex said, you'll notice a trend. The women who received sex ed as girls or teenagers waited to have their first sexual experience.

Yeah, she was like the doctor recommended birth control for acne, and so she was like, like the light bulb went off on her head probably and and thum mean that I didn't even know active axwa mente. I wasn't. I'm telling you. My friends used always call me Santita in high school. They would like, they would leave their windows, they would like talk about blow jobs and stuff, and I would be like, act like not me, Like I'm not ready for that, and so they would make fun of.

Me for it.

Norma never pushed virginity or purity onto Lauda, but she did warn her about pregnancy and the repercussions of having the responsibility of motherhood before you're ready.

I think I wanted to be smart. I think that's what it is. I wanted to make smart decisions and I didn't want to impact my own life and one thing for and that's what she taught me. She wasn't.

After Lauda's first time, she wanted to tell her mother, Norma, but didn't know how to bring it up.

So it must have been like the day after. It had to be within the week after. And I just wanted to tell her because first of all, Gilmour Girls was like our fucking Latina version, Like I tell Norma everything. Norma is like my confidante, like she knows everything. So I was like, I need to find out a way to tell her, but I feel kind of awkward, but I need to tell her my I still lived at home. I lived at home until I was like twenty seven. But I remember like being at the kitchen table with her and my dad was in the restroom. My Dad's always in the restroom, like the toilet is his. So I'm sitting there and I'm looking at her, and when we want to tell each other something, I feel like we know, like and sometimes it's just like we're in a vibe or like a seed. And so I was staring at her and she immediately goes capasso and I'm like, put the ketoaso. And then I made a face and she said to sexo and then I just nodded and I said see, and I said see, and then she pauses, she stared at me, she goes. She literally was like, isn't it the best thing ever? Aside from good food? I said, wow, like if this is not my mother. So in that moment I found a little awkward because I was like, am I really about to bother with my mom over having sex for the first time like this? And I was like, it is what it is, so we giggled. I think not as.

Lauda felt empowered to keep exploring her sexuality through dating and eventually in her first long term relationship.

It was that so that she just said, I must mensa literally like no hashtag, no sales. Mensa is like the the like the thread of like what my learnings have been is just be smart, choose right people, don't be dumb about it. And then I was single as I got older, and that's where I had my little hoe phase. And I didn't tell her a lot of that, but it was my time to explore and like go beyond. After I had that. The person I first had sex with and then the person I was sexually active for a very long time was my first very long relationship. So after I broke up with him, I would tell my friends like I'm never going to be able to have sex ever again, which I laugh about now. So exploring beyond that was beautiful, was a beautiful thing for me.

Louda's close friend gave her advice that would reframe how loud I thought about sex.

Because it was very like me shout out to my friend. I'm gonna say her name ash. One day she was telling me, She's like, we are this, amos alos this. So my friend taught me like, we're always taught to say we're giving, we're giving something, but like, can we think about the safe pleasure we're receiving, and like consent and pleasure is so important for us as women. And after she said that, I was like, like, I was like, you're so right, Like why am I thinking like this guy isn't worthy? Like he might be a piece of ship, but listen, I'm horny and he's cute, you know, like it is. It's what, but be careful and obviously choose good people ultimillion if they're not.

It was.

We hope you're enjoying this conversation. Stay tuned, there's more to come.

And we're back. We hope you enjoyed the break and are ready to listen to the rest.

Lauda grew up with the lore of her parents love story. Norma was from Mexicali and her dad, Giermo from East l A.

Also it was it's really funny their story. My dad would go on is Impala to Mexicali and they would be like on the block. They'd be like noo and Norma and my dad would like roll up playing like all his like fucking his gems, and it would be like he was from East.

The thousand NEOs.

Now, let's take it back to when Norma and Guillermo first met.

You Ba, maybe.

Yes and machicaenada.

You make it? He said, yes yes.

After the wedding, Norma spent some time in Los Angeles, eventually spending her birthday with her cousin in Norwalk.

Prima diab Norwalk back then okay, dol a Qia and maybe Norwalk.

Ill amaze Oh.

Norma's Prima invited a friend to join them on their double day, but something came up he canceled. She called another friend, but he couldn't make it either. Finally, third on the list was Giermo.

As soon as I laid eyes on your mother, I knew she was the one at seventeen and he had a little girlfriend named Virginia broke up with her. That was a Friday when they came and he said, peace girl, I met the love of my life. But Norma went back to Mehicali and said that was you're American. I'm from Mehkali. We're never gonna work.

Norma went back to Mexicali and Guillermo began writing letters, but Norma left them unanswered, leading Gimo to believe that maybe he had the wrong address. But this did not stop him.

Ayel High School, tavin Kawa and is heven A cameo and Elba.

He went through the Yellow Pages found every single person under my uncle name, Maia's name.

The Yellow Pages were a phone book and directory that was mainly used in the nineties, and.

He literally looked for the Yellow Pages. She's like, He's like, I remember her brother's name, and I said, I'm finding her and he went and my Tia opened the door once and said who's asking and he said, I met her once. And then that's when my he sent my teas asked to Mexicali. Yeah, Astodia, so once my thea sanctioned she said, well, damn, this motherfucker really wants to see me, and that's when my mom finally started hitting him back up. So it's a it's a relationship of drama, relationship of like, come on, that's a story. And I always think of that song Theesus, my dad says, used to think of her when he listened to that song.

Normo did long distance for several years until they finally married when Norman was twenty five years old.

Oh my gosh in India, yell and.

I'm a libra, so I love romance. So their story every birthday because they met on my mom's birthday. So every birthday someone's around that hasn't heard the story yet, and we're always like, you don't know the story, and then my dad tells this version. My mom says, that's the best. And it was always a kiss right here, It wasn't a kiss on the lips. She's always like, again, less.

We'll be taking a quick break, don't miss.

Us, thanks for sticking around. We are back Norma.

I grew up in a traditional conservative family where virginity is valued above all else, but Lauda grew up in a completely different way. How did this help Lauda become the woman she is today.

So that's one thing I've appreciated about my mom, Like tradition hasn't like the whole virginity losing, Like I never grew up hearing that, And I grew up with her telling me, oh, they would see women in the streets with children pushing string it and my grandmother would tell her. Mom would tell me when I moved out, she told me, I'm so proud of you. You're like a young woman and you're living on your own. Like I, I'm proud of you for that. She's like, I don't want you to have kids or get married until you want to. And so that for me. A lot of my older cousins did that to me too. They're like, dude, like I wish I had that experience that you're having. You lived in New York, you lived in Rome, you did all these things, and so that's what I grew up hearing, like, good for you to do that, not mam is mama casas. So I was very blessed to have like strong women in my life. Not not necessarily tell me that.

Now that Norman is a grandmother, she doesn't feel it's her place to have the sex talk with her grandchildren. But she does sneak in some advice here and there.

Go MAMAA is the jo.

It's they say, Miko is to test that tens Namas quiat cuiated to.

Rastims those on this fruiting quiece.

Stays Styota you care if ticket, Yeah, Thomas, he said, Ravi savirtos the panda Problemma see Lafa media see i Guesstriano Namas Namas Joe.

Is Nabulita.

Laura has advice for any listener who's navigating relationships and dating.

I would say, take care of yourself and listen to your gut, believe people when they show you who they are, and don't try to fix nobody. I think I learned a lot of heartbreak in my first long relationship of trying to like think, oh this person can change or I want this I want this person to change because in my head they are something. And so I painted red flags green as well. I had the green bucket with me all the time. I was painting his red flags over and over and over because I believed so much of him, And so I think now in youth, when I talk to people, we believe and we put our value on people, so if we can't fix them and they don't become who we want them to be, we think it's our fault. And people can only love you as much as love as they can give, and sometimes it's not enough for us. So I always remember that, Like I think I felt like a failure, like I couldn't make this relationship work, or I couldn't make him love me enough, Like don't try to make people love you, Like believe people when they show you who they are, and keep your eyes open to like real shit, not like what you think is right.

In a moment in this episode, I learned just how diverse the experiences are in the Latino and LATINX community. I think hearing that Norma had a very conservative and traditional upbringing like the one that many of us had, and then to see how that contrasted with Laoda and how that really allowed her to flourish and gave her the room to explore herself and become the woman she is today is super inspiring. Next time, on Senora Sex said, we hear from Elizabeth Velasquez.

I wasn't aware of basic things like menstrual bibles or protection birth control none of that stuff, and I was just really exploring and experimenting sort of just blindly, really nos vemos Chow.

Senora Sex Said is a co production between Locata Productions and Michael Doura Podcast Network.

This show is executive produced by Mala Mnios and Theosa FM.

Also executive produced by Jasell.

Bances, produced by Stephanie Franco.

Creative direction by Mala Munios.

Story editing by biosa.

Fem, music direction by Grisol Lomeli

And music produced by Brian Gazo

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