Scrubbing In with bec At, Tilly and Tanya rad and I Heart Radio and two time People's Choice Award winning podcast. Hello everybody, We're scrubbing in. We have a very exciting show today because, um, we have a guest and Tanya is his number one fan. That's true. I don't like I'd be interested to ask him if he like who his number who he thinks his number one fan is. You think you you'd win? I think I'd win. But I'm curious to see his wife. Right, he is a married man. It's all with respectful admiration. Um, But we have Devone Franklin joining us later on today. I'm super excited because I've never gotten to talk to him and you speak about him as if he is he's like the version of Oprah or something, right, right. I feel like he inspires and brings wisdom into people's lives in a very calm and insightful way. Yeah. And honestly, he's one of those people that he doesn't just talk the talk. He walks the walk. And that's something that I really admire about him because he doesn't just say these things like about you know, how to improve and how to you know, keep yourself in checking accountable. But he actually does all of these things, and he has such a good way of putting things where you're like, oh yeah, Like I never thought of it that way, and it's almost like lightbulbs just kind of go off all the time. And I know him personally, I've i've um done some events with him before and he's just such a lovely human and so willing to like help, and I just I adore him so much. So I'm really excited. Yeah, I'm super excited too. Um. So he'll be on later in this show. But right now, what's going on? What's going on with you? So this has been a, I guess over a month long process, and the only reason I haven't talked about it much was because it was so stressful that like talking about it almost put more pressure on the situation. But I bought a house that I got the keys today this morning, so it's officially official. And it was honestly probably the most stressful process I've ever gone through. Um, the markets just the craziest, and I have never been through this the real estate market. I've never been through this before, so this is my first time. And apparently it's like the craziest market there's ever been, and I haven't. I have friends that have also been trying to buy homes in this market, as they say, you know, these are these are the big kid terms of people. You know, okay market, I go to the grocery store and that's about the extent of my market. But that I've tried to also buy houses and they put in these offers and they go to that next step, but then there's thirty other offers and they don't get their homes. So I I understand why you were hesitant to talk about it, because you get your hopes up about something and then they just kept falling, falling, falling, falling through. Yeah. So I have been, you know, pretty much since the beginning of the year, I've been kind of looking to buy a house. And as I was going through the process, I realized how incredibly intense and just like an absolute frenzy it is out there. Um, and it just feels really meant to be because of how it happened in the sense of like timing and location and just it's everything I want and um, it's beautiful and do you know what the best part is she lives even closer to me. I don't know if I'm even closer, but I did. I did. I got to get that security gate up. Pretend she didn't map it before she actually bought it. She knew what she was doing in a general area. I knew. I was, you know, still relatively close. But I could run to your house and back like ten times. That'd be a pretty be a distance and I'd be like five miles. Anyways, I'm super excited. It's like a dream come true. I cannot believe, Like I still I have the keys, and I still am like, I can't believe I have a house. So I think maybe until I'm actually sleeping in there, I won't actually believe it. But can I tell you, so you haven't officially moved in yet, right, can I tell you something I didn't. I move into this apartment that actually kind of worked for me. So this was my first apartment, This is my first time living alone. And somebody told me, whatever you really want in life, right now, write it down on a piece of paper and have that be the first thing that you move into your home. The piece of paper, yeah, or that piece of paper, and whatever it is that you want, you write on that piece of paper, and that's the first thing you move in. So when I moved in here, I wrote the word love with the heart for the oh, and I put it in my kitchen drawer, which you know, like that junk drawer, just like your tape and stuff. Um, so I moved it in. There's the first thing I moved into my apartment. And I fell in love in this apartment. That's cool. And so you just wrote one thing though, yeah, oh, so I just need to write one thing. I mean, you can do whatever you wants your it's your thing. But I thought it was pretty cool. I still have that piece of paper. It's still in that junk drawer somewhere in the back. Wow, that's cool. I like that. Yeah. I was gonna go over and just kind of like put on some music and walk around and like too. Yeah, so it's I'm so happy there is like uh I did. So there's like a little pond in the back and there were two koi fish and I went over there today and there's only one koi fish. The other one has got caught in the filter because someone left it open. So I now have two pets to take care of. My Phoebe and then a lone Koi fish, which I actually think I have to I'm gonna. I've been thinking about him since I left the house because they had food, but we fed him during our walk through, and then they checked the so they came back and checked the filter because I was like, I think there's there's a dead fish in there, and one that was alive was stuck in the filter too, so he could have died too. So after they have to go to the pet store and get some fish food. I know what I'm getting you as a house forming gift. What another Coi fish? I know. I was so upset thinking about like him, trying to find him, and then to the front emotional, We're doesn't buy a koi fish at the I'm not sure where do you get a fish? And my Amazon I have a feeling I'm gonna. I'm very like attentive and attached to the fish, and whenever I leave town in someone's house sitting for me and not like a freak, but I really care. I'm realizing. I think I've always been very sensitive towards animals, but lately, like there was a worm the other day and I went to try and save it because I it was stuck and by the time I realized I needed to save it, it was dead. And I felt a lot of guilt for a worm. Yeah, I'm like, I'm just gonna so and like I don't I guess when you have a dog that you love so much, like thinking of anything like hurting it or suffering just like makes makes you dark. So I can't with the fish. Um anyway, So yeah, cooy fish, Congratulations. You can get fish at any pet store telling you a pet smart pettish, have one down the street. Pass up my summons. I don't know if Amazon sells them, but they might. Um uh, this is a Becca thing, right, This is not beca No, this is a Becca thing. It might it could go into Becca thing, but this is just like a Becca thing which felt really important to me, you know, Like I think doing this on my own felt like a huge step in my life. And I think, um, maybe eventually it'll be a dual situation. But how soon do you think that happened? Like realistically, like two months, four months, six months. We basically spend almost every single night together, so it's not that we're I mean, we basically lived together but have two places, so that's not living together, right, But it's I'm saying, it's not not that far off of that possibly happening. I wasn't even asking that, I was just asking Tom was taken it to when you were Yeah, when you signed that mortgage? Is it Rebecca Penelope? It's not, well, it's nothing, says Rebecca Penelope, but it is. It is just my name. But yeah, it feels like a real, like boss move. Honestly, Yes, for sure. So major. It's so major. I'm so excited for you. Thank you. I'm just curious as a as a homeowner myself in southern California, did you have to go over asking was there a big kind of a price baddly with other suitors? So this one? So I had seen a house kind of at the beginning of my search, and I fell in love with it and it was huge, like it was way too big for me. But I was in my mind, I was like, oh, and I think I could raise a family here, and I'm like, I don't even want kids, you know, I'm like, I really got ahead of myself. Um, and I put an offer on it and there were twenty three offers on it, and they countered every single offer and so at that point, I think it went like three hundred thousand dollars over the listing price. So at that point I was a little defeated because I was like, am I really going to be able to find a house in this market that you know I can afford and that I really love? Um? And so then when I found this one, it just happened to work out with the timing when we saw it that I didn't end up having to go over the asking price. But it was like a miracle, like I've not heard of anyone not having to go over the asking price to be that was your home. Yeah. So um, but yeah, I would say. And the thing is, I thought it was only in l A where it was like this, but apparently, according to people's messages I get about the home buying process, this is happening everywhere where. It's just a frenzy to buy a home. So I just want to encourage any of you who are going through this to stick with it, because so many times during at a few months, I've been like, what am I doing. I'm not doing. This is too stressful. I don't want to do I'm not gonna lie like watching your watching you go through the process has made me really I mean I'm not currently looking, but has made me pump the brakes on wanting to well. I will just say this, make sure you have all of your finances and everything as ordered as you can, because that will make your life so much easier. That's the problem. I just I'm so disorganized with that stuff. I'm shocked. It's like weird. You're almost like Monica with her weird messy close It's my weird, messy closet. Like I'm so o c D about everything, and I get things done and make a checklist data. For some reason, financial stuff is so hard for me to like grasp and and and be organized with, Like I've come up with these plans that I'm gonna do and I'm gonna color code and I'm going to only use this credit card for this stuff, and then I just never do it. And I'm still getting to my tax stuff together and taxes are doing like two weeks, I'm still doing it, and I've been working on it for like the past few week. I'm telling you what I found this out about Tanny. I felt like there was like I was talking to a different person because I'm like you are it's very on brand that I would be on organizing that stuff, but it's not on brand pro organized that and drop Box I just can't. Those are the two things. It's just like we were just I seriously every time I almost feel embarrassed because every time I have to do anything with Dropbox, I have to ask for help or like Google how to help because I just cannot figure it out. And I got here in Tanny was trying to send something. She was like, do you get drop Box? And I'm like no, but I'm so relieved to hear you say that. It's a headache. We did. So I did a Instagram live last week and I don't even know because everyone on Instagram Live is like, get Tanya to come on, because um, I got my box of notes from you and Becky because I was watching your lives. So it's so funny because I was talking about you and I was like, oh yeah, Becca had a oh yeah, my head of photo shoot. You had like a swim shoe, and so I was like trying to go on Instagram to show red star photos or videos from your shoe. And then we saw that you were going live and so we started watching it alone. Wonder what she's talking about, I know. And then someone asked in the like someone said, do you like Red Star? Like are you happy that Red Star and Tanya are back together? And I was like, I don't even remember what how the question was. I like Red Star, but most importantly Tanya's happy. And then Tanya's like hi in the comments, and so I'm like, oh, I'm gonna get her to come on here with me. So she she accepts the request to come on live, and she's at dinner with Red Star just like they're both chat with me and everyone was My views went skyrocketed like it was funny because I was just going to join by myself, and then he put his hand in the things. I was like, all right, he's just I mean, it's very It's interesting because it feels just very normal, do you know what I mean? Like this is like what a normal couple would do you know what I mean? It's not so I don't want to say secretive, because it wasn't secretive, but it was just like it just feels speaking of living free, just feels like a lot more free um this time around. And it's it's interesting because after last week's podcast, I got so many beautiful messages from you, from you guys, Like honestly, this community of Scrub sisters is unparalleled like any other. And I feel like people could tell that I was just feeling some type of way and so they were coming to encourage me and say that like they've learned like X y Z because of me, and like stuff just basically like validating me and trying to encourage me, saying that I have more to offer or than like my dating life, you know, like us feeling just very deflated and like that's all I offered, you know. And so I I never get messages like that. I mean they're nice occasionally, I'll get like a nice one here and there, but like I'm happy that you but it made me, I don't know, like it just made me feel really good inside. Um. And so thank you guys for the people that did reach out. It really means a lot. And it's weird because it's going at like I feel like we try to start over this time around, and and we're going at like a normal pace that a normal couple would go through, and like we're kind of coming out of the pandemic, and so it's like things are starting to, I don't know, just feel more normal again. Yeah, I guess yeah, because y'all just kind of started dating when we went into the pandemic. Huh. It was like new It was like newly dating, and then pandemic hit and it was just like quarantine, lockdown, you know, navigating a new relationship fun. Yeah. Um, so yeah, it's going good. We have our matching keys, we have our why are they matching? They're not matching? They're like, um, you know me, I'm very intentional and I really need to just that's what I like, that's where I thrive. So we have these I don't want to share the words just because they're words. Are you giving? Yeah? I thought you met your house Okay, no, no, no, but we we do have each other's house keys. Whicheah. I mean that's normal. But matching field a little. But that's actually a cute idea, like a little thing to put on, like you know those things that you can put on the keys that are rubbery. Maybe I get matching ones, like for each of us, or you can just know which ones which like most people. I don't have it on right now. But that's actually kind of a cute idea. I mean, you can go to the home depot and you can make it a pink Hello kitty, here butterfly, Oh my god, Danny's eyes the Tanya faces fully, And that's actually a really cute idea. I don't hate it. But that's not what I was talking about. I was talking about the Yeah, the giving of the giving key necklaces. So they go together because each of them have two words. So I have two words and he has two words, and they go together to make the four pillars of our relationship. And we wear our keys whenever we're popping around town and it feels good. It's a requirement that you have your keys on. No, it's not requirement, but it's just like cute. And I'm still trying to be cautious just because of, you know, my heart. But it's also so hard for me to do that, but I'm like trying to. You know. The other day, when Right Star came to the Summer or the Cruel Summer premiere, he had his key on, but it was like under his shirt, it wasn't out, and she was she was like, you'll have your key on and he was like, yeah, I do, what's under here? And She's like I was like, oh my god, relax, he's got it on. We don't have to wear all that. I'm not wearing mine right now, you know, but when we're together, it's fun to have them. Yeah, explore red story. That's what I was thinking. But I thought I get yelled at if I said that. Yeah, it might be different coming from you versus, but I say, I think to myself often. But I told Tanya, you know, she'll tell me something that's bothering her, and I'm like, dear god, Red Star, I know, it's really funny. I got these matching sweatshirts that say, um, what does the first one say? It says She's my sweet potato and the other one says yes I am or whatever am each one. Red Star thought that I bought it for him. Becca thought I bought them for her, and I was like, little, do either of you know who's going to have to wear I knew you bought it for him, and I said, poor Red Star. Oh and then he said pour Becca, and I was like, oh, and she goes, she goes, no, it's cute or something, and I was like god, I was like, honestly, or she goes, you should be thankful because it would have been you if it wasn't him, And I was like, you're right, I am super grateful for him because do you know they're actually I watched him and they're ready. They're hanging up in my closet, ready to go. I can't wait to see the photo of you two in them No, you and I Red Star. It looks so cute. It feels like more of a couple things. They're actually smaller in real life. So I feel like it's by default it's mine. I don't think you're either one of your sweet potatoes. I don't. I don't think that works for you too. Yeah, I agree, she's oh you think has me Red Star? Yes, I think it does. I don't think Becca is your sweet potato or vice versa. On to wear it for an occasion, and so I feel like, what's an occasion? Thanksgiving? I mean, he wears you're sure with your face all over it, so it's not like he's not that's a vacation to do something that's a vacation. So the occasion, maybe it's a vacation. Um. I love that shirt. By the way, that's literally my favorite thing ever. Because people when they realize that it's me. It's so fun, you know what I mean, Because we walked by and they'll be like or like if we're if we're apt to lunch or whatever, and the server will be like is that her? And he's like yeah. It's always like a fun talking point, you know what I mean. Do you think they're like kind of worried though, Yeah, they're like, wow, she really runs a tight chef around here. Like we're leaving the house, put your shirt on. Actually outside of the shirt, the shirt, I don't make it. The shirt he actually like, actually likes. He thinks it's like cool. It was like a cool shirt. Sweet guy. Yeah, Um, did you end up watching Grey's Anatomy? I'd watched the episode, but there wasn't a new one last week. No, no, no, but I'm talking about the one that I did. And you know what, it brought up a lot of scuttle in my Instagram because I oh, because you were like, are you team Meredith and Derek or are you did you ever feel like he always kind of wasn't great good enough for Meredith? A lot of people have some thoughts about Derek Shepard that are not nice. I mean, did we forget that he cheated on her right before he died. I hated that story, like I right, yeah, right, I hated it. And did we not forget that he wouldn't move for Meredith to get her dream job, but then he whatever, these are good points, No, they're good points. But I'm like, what if we did that for everyone? Danny didn't, Dinny, we stall for two seconds and he was unfortunately in the hospital, right, He's gonna give it everything to be with Izzy. Then that moment put her first. Okay, even like hers Elba wire. Regretfully, I'm sure. I'm just saying that did not work out for anyone. I'm just saying. All I'm saying is that if we looked at every single person, especially they're in, just that industry seems so like it's egotistical, it's cut throat. Even if they bickered, because they kind of were like after the same thing and had the same talent, there was like this level of competition, you know, between them, because she was going to be like the up and coming and then the only thing I am having a hard time like even remotely defending as the cheating because like, I hate that. I needed that storyline so bad. I was like, why it ruined something that, in my opinion, was so perfect. That's what happens when you lack character. But anyways, he said in an interview that he cried. They cried when they saw each other in films. That's fantastic. When it wasn't when he said goodbye right when he finished, or when he rapped, Yeah, when he rapped, Yeah, when he rapped. Oh you know what, I actually had a question for you guys. This is off topic, but I was on my son run yester or the other day, and I was like thinking, I always like think about one thing usually when I'm on my sun run, and this was, Um, I was thinking about this trip that I want to take with one of my girlfriends for Memorial Day weekend, because hold on, do you plan ahead of time what you're going to think about on that day's sun run? Usually yeah, you're like write it down or do you have a Like I just think about things that I need to do that are like, so I have it to do list that's a daily to do list, and then I have like a rolling to do list, And so you'll usually look at my rolling to do list at things that I need to think about or start, you know, because Memorial days like right around the Bob Warner. I don't know what to say. What is it, Bob cornerber? No, Okay, so Ryan says right around the corner Bob Horner, but nobody else says that. That's just the Ryan thing. Because Bob Horner played for the Atlanta Braves when he was a kid and when he was watching baseball with his dad when he was young, Bob Horner was a player. It's not like an expression. I've used that all the time. Mike's right around the Bob Horner. I don't even think you're saying it right, but it's right around the Bob Horner. Yeah, Bob Horner is correct, and you're right it is, I believe, four weeks from today's Memorial Day. Yeah. So so I'm thinking about this as that was my son run right, because it's me and one of my girlfriends will be fully like, you know, ready to go, like good to go on a plane, et cetera, and I running and this tree just falls like I'm not talking like a tree branch, like this tree falls like right in front of me, like almost literally almost hits me. Oh my god. Wow, like I'm telling you, if I was maybe five seconds quicker on my run, I would have been underneath this MM. And so now I'm like, is my trip should I not be taking it? Like you know me, I took it as a sign, and I'm like, is this trip a bad idea? Let me look at that, because you were thinking about your thinking about this trip. Yeah, so I just felt nobody was cutting that down. Nobody literally just fell out of nowhere because the weather was fine here today in Los Angeles. It wasn't today, this was yesterday, but it wasn't nothing. That's terrifying. Yeah. Well, I don't know what advice to give you about if it's a sign or not, but maybe maybe you just weren't supposed to go down that direction, that path. I think I think that's a better Like I'm not a big signed guy, but I think that's it. If you would continued down that path, you'd have been hit by a bus or something. I don't think. I think going from the thoughts in your head to a tree branch, probably, I think that's one leap too far from me to make. Got it? So you think that tree branch actually is protecting me some from something watched down the line. I think that makes more sense to me. All right, that makes it actually makes me feel better because I was like, oh my gosh, this this trip cursed, like should not be doing this. How do you live? Like how do you live your life? And like things? It's very hard. Like honestly, if you spent a day in my brain, you'd be exhausted because like over analyzing everything, wondering we have been designed for something else makes me feel exhausted, exhausted. Yeah, so take a day trip in my brain and you'll come out like me a ham what good soccer player? Because there's a lot of balls in there, you know, I know who related to that one. Balls to kick around, a lot of balls to kick around, and I do it, but I'm exhausted. Oh I see. So you're just like kicking, like there's just balls and you're like you're kicking and then you're running to the next one. Yeah, it's like, okay, this one's good, all right, cool, I'll shooting shooting in the goal. This one's not going to try and kick it out. Wow, that is a tiring that just that story about the tree just gave me an insight into you it's also shocking how little ton you grasped the game of soccer. But still it's you know, still fun. What do you mean that makes it you kick the ball in the goal, or if you don't analyze the ball, like that's a good one that go in the goal, that's a bad one that should go the other way. There's that all kinds of balls all over the place happening. That's when you're like scrimmaging. I feel like they're always just throwing balls that you have to kick them. No, well, there's only one ball when you're playing soccer, right when you're on the field, not when you're like scrimmaging. Okay, well you didn't specify that you were scrimmaging, right, And I have a about yea soccer, Thank you so much. So last week Tanya had me and Sophia on her radio show for The Vibe, and Tanya and I are talking and then I'm literally like Tanya had an earlier spot and she was trying to help me with my schedule, so she was like, can you jump on now? And I was like disgusting and like sweats, my hair was up in a butt. I just like looked gross and I was like, yeah, sure, whatever I can do now. So we're talking and then she's like, okay, I'm gonna bring Sophia into do like a part together. And Sophia comes in and she's like glammed do impressed day. Like I'm talking like a metallic gown on with like hair and makeup beautifully done. I was like, what in the heck this is offensive at this point. It was so funny because we really had just like every it was like glam I feel like I was in between because I had some makeup on, but I was looking a little scruffy kind of like I usually do. And then you who were like just rolled out of bed. It was literally like every type of person. I hadn't just rolled out of bed. But it was so funny because we also had her on the Morning show that same weekend. I feel like Ryan made the same comment where he was like, Sophia, you look so like nice and we all looked like and we're in hoodies. She was. She was completely done up, her hair was not a not a follical was out of place. No, no, you know, it was funny. That's totally her though, you know, like she's always she's on it. She shows up. Her zoom time is twelve thirty. She's on the zoom at like she is that it's similar to myself. I would just like to put together right on the dot. Yeah, earl. My softball coach in high school said if you're not early, you're late, or if you're all in time, you're late. Yeah, And ever since then it was like I didn't listen. Ever since then, I've only been late. My kids don't listen to either. I tell them that all the time. If you're not early, you're late. If you're not five minutes early for whatever it is, you're late. But they don't like that. They're like, I don't want to be early, so they'll be bored for five minutes. Well, you know what, be bored. I find that so interesting too, in terms of just like appointments, like everybody just wants to get there, Like if your appoints at two thirty for your guy now or whatever, people show up right at two thirty, and it's like, well, that's really when you're supposed to be like going back into your room, like you should show up. Like I like getting there to fifteen because then I got some time. I can just go through my phone, right, and if they can take you early, then they take you early, right, Like, no downside, no downside? Agree? Yeah, I mean listen, some people are good at that and some people are not. Some people like to just get in and be rushed back and be like mildly stressed out the whole time, trying to calm down. You know, that just seems like stress. I don't want to add to my life. That's fair. I get it, I get it. It's just not something I've been able to fix. Wait, there was something else that I wanted to tell you too. Oh, game night, So we're gonna make it. We're gonna do a fun game night. Okay. Have you seen the movie Game Night? No? Should I I loved it. There's there's some darker elements of it, but it's a it's a comedy, so it's not it's not too heavy. We just watched it the other night. That's what made me think of it. My daughter is very into it. She's going through a Jason Bateman phase. It's very good. It's very funny as we all go through a Jayson Baby Horrible Bosses and ah, he's great and Horrible Bosses. Yeah, interesting is he married, Yeah to um, Paul Anker's daughter. You don't know who Paul Anka is probably, but anyway, it doesn't matter. Yeah, he's married a couple of kids. Great, God, let's hear it. He's great. He's great, nos Ark, he's great in Arrested Development. I feel like he doesn't get the credit he deserves. I agree. And his podcast SmartLess is great. He's just good. What's it about is him and Will Arnette and Sean Hayes from Will and Grace and there you're not a Will Arnett fan? Yeah? Anyway, they have celebrities on for interviews. But the hook of the show is that one of them knows who the guest is going to be. The other two don't know who it's going to be, and though so they're surprised by whoever they have to interview that and it's great. I love it. How do they what if it's someone they know nothing about they needed to like kind of you know, that's happened. They've had like an astronaut they didn't know much about. But that's they can come at it from that way. If they don't know the person in the listener point doesn't know much about that person and they can come at it from that angle. That's cool. And I mean a national Whether I knew about them specifically, I'd have a lot of questions. Did you guys hear the story about the woman who they sent to space and they sent her she was on her period and they gave her a hundred tampons? Oh yeah, I heard about what if that was her? One of that was the guests they had on because it was a female last or not? I wonder. Anyway, I totally derailed this conversation. You were going to talk about game night. I apologize. Yeah, okay, So we're going to do a game night and we want to set up just a bunch of different games such as Jana prosecco, pong, ping pong, bocci ball, there was one other, uh, there was one other one and just kind of have these little games and then just have some of our friends over to play in the back yard. And I think that sounds that sounds so fun. It sounds so what are we doing them? I don't know. I gotta get that in the calendar. I gotta get that set up. We're gonna get that schedule in the calendar. It's a great idea. We just had. My oldest had her birthday party a few weeks ago, she's fifteen now, and my wife set up a whole bunch of minute to Win It games. You know, remember that game show, Like like you have a bowl of ping pong balls and then an empty bowl and you have to use a spoon in your mouth to get as many ping pongs from one bowl to the other in a minute game. And then there was we got We had eight of them, and the general feeling was like other teenagers, they're gonna hate this, they're gonna think it's lame. They loved it. They totally got into it. They split up into teams and they were very competitive. It was really really fun. So all credit to my wife for that idea. It really worked. You know, what I'm realizing about teenagers is that you're like one, well yeah, but also that like the thing is to be cool and like not get excited about certain things. But in truth, they're all the same as we all were as teenagers. They still get excited. I mean, I love games, like any competition, I'm like totally down for. But the image that they have to portray is way cooler than they really are. On the inside. Very true, and that was true of us as well. We're not trying to cool had that chip though, Like I didn't have that, that's true, and you still don't that I didn't have it. I didn't have it in high school, Like I was just like I wanted to like be the nerd that started the nerdy class or the nerdy club and where my John Mayor shirts to school when nobody was doing that, you know, like, so you want to do a trend setter though that was like I think that's a compliment to that. You are not too cool for anything that's cool or is it not cool enough? No, no, no, I think because there' because there's no such thing as being too cool, right, And that's an image it we put forth like no, no no, no, I'm too cool for that. That's just kind of as a construct. It's not a real thing. But you don't have that. You're not too cool for anything. If you love it, you love thank you so much, you know what. That's true. And I also realized that for the month of May because I've been kind of like letting my brain go to this negative space a lot lately, and I've just been like kind of I don't know, just being a little bit like poor me, and I don't like being in that headspace. And so I decided for the month of May that I'm going to literally purge these negative thoughts. Like I'm literally doing a full on detox in addition to sugar. But that's for another reason, um, because sugar really doesn't make me feel good, like I love it when it hits my lips, and the next day I just feel sluggish. So I'm going to do a full detox of refined sugar and getting rid of all these negative thoughts in my head. And how I'm doing it. Every day, I'm going to be sending a video to somebody in my life, um, telling them the positive things I love about them. That's that's great. So that's what I'm gonna do for the month of May, and then home June, I'm going to create some sort of like fitness to get my physical body into like shape, and I'm going to have it end like end June with some sort of like triathlon, end June with a triathlon. Well it's probably gonna be man made, Like I'm not gonna sign up for one of those things, like I'm gonna a manmade triath, I make it myself. So whatever triath, I don't know the details. Yeah, but let's say how many miles of the run is. I will like map out where I'm going to run and I will complete that. And then however, however long the swim is, I will find a pool and I will do the you know, and the bike. Yeah, so I'm gonna it's gonna be man made, but everything I do in June is going to kind of lead me to be able to do that. I'm gonna create it myself. Yeah. Wow, that's a big, big deal. Yeah. Sometimes you make me feel like I'm just like not doing enough in my life. But then I realized, like I am, it's just you go the extra mile for um, Well, no, like I have to have I have to do it. Like I've really been noticing this, this mindset, and so it's like I have to actually practice it, like I have to actually be super intentional and plan these things out because that's what helps me. And then the physical thing I've been wanting to do for a while and I'm just like why not do it? And then Red Star was kind of into it, so we're probably gonna do it, like do a couple's things, do it together. Yeah, but his stuff, like obviously he's quicker than I am, like, uh, speed wise, So I don't really know how that's gonna work. We're going to do it in time or just to complete it? What do you mean? Like, are you going to time it? Just like I mean, if it's just y'all to it, maybe he could do it with you together, since y'all are just the goal is to complete it, accomplish it. He's just like, but there's gonna be like the whole month. We're gonna have different things that we do to get us ready for the big triathlon. We're still noodling out preach, the kicks are still being noodled out. You know, it's early May, but yeah, I think it's gonna be really fun. And then your birthday is right after that. Is that play into this? Like you want to be in peak physical mental condition by you know what? It didn't, But that's a great way. I want to be in peak mental and physical condition for a brand new year of living. Oh for your birthday? Yeah, oh got it. Yeah, just to go into thirty four with like a strong mind, a strong body, a sharp wit, hilarious humor. How are you going to do that? How are you going to sharpen your witch? Yeah? How are you going to sharpen your witch? I don't know. I'm gonna google it. How do I do everything? Yeah, Jenny Chan, where do you get on your news? Where do you say? I was like, that doesn't sound right, doesn't roll up the tongue. Weirdly, it's a very similar not right. I believe that wood Veil? Did it come out? Yes? You can't believe it. I can't because I think nine today, nine, the rerelease is going to come first. So what's the wood Veil thing? I don't know. This is what happens when you do your TikTok theories. They don't come to life, Tanya. What you're not getting is that everything that you've gotten your theories from, they got them from TikTok. I'm talking about the same theories as you. You're just getting them from Ginger Chan. I'm getting them from the source. She always argues with me about this, and I'm like, we're talking about the same thing. I just got it before you, the head of Ginger Ginger, it's actually Sisney that gives me the news. But you know it's fine details. You're the one who always underst in following your lead of what you say, which is always ginger chance, g chance to me. Oh man, Well, we have Devon Franklin coming to chat with us, which I'm so excited about. And um so we're gonna take a break and we'll be right back with him. All right, you want to do the intro, Tanya, Oh my gosh, I would love nothing more. Okay, I am very excited to introduce our next guest. He is You know, I don't really want to give you a title because you're so much more than an author. You're so much more, you know what I mean, Like you're you don't deserve a title because you are the one, the only Devon Franklin. Hey, what's going on. It's so good to see you and be here. I'm just grateful, I'm excited. You are honestly one of my favorite people. And I honestly like I call you a mentor because I look to you and I always say that you have such great advice and little nuggets of information. But also you don't just talk the talk, you walk the walk. And it's really awesome to see because you really just live out your truth and you don't sugarcoat anything, you know, like if things are hard or if you're struggling through something, you really go there. And I appreciate that so much. Oh wow, no, thank you. I mean truly, it's just an honor to try to help in any way, and obviously it's just great to you know, be your friend and all of that. I'm just I'm just blessed. So I'm glad I can help anyway possible. Okay, So I actually learned about d von Uh. We were talking. Ryan actually brought you up on the Morning show. He'd heard something that Oprah had posted some quote of yours in her book, and we started talking about your book, The Weight, and so I started reading The Weight, and we had you on the Morning show, and I had this Eureka moment where I realized that I was giving my body and I was in this perpetual pattern of pain by sleeping with people without getting commitment, which is what I wanted. And I had this kind of light bulb moment where I was like, I'm not having unattached sex anymore, Like I just just it just no, it wasn't happening. And I felt lighter, and I felt the shift in me and I like, we did this high five, and I felt your do you remember that? I felt like just my life was turning, turning a corner, like I finally saw the light. And so I started at that point, I started reading all of your books that were coming out, and you just are so So you have this new book that's called Live Free, and the introduction is something that I feel like I was telling Becca this I think everybody can relate to because we all have expectations that not only we put on ourselves, but we put on our lives, like our friends put these things, our family, our faith, um, and there are things that we don't even realize. We're shifting the way that we live our lives based on these expectations. And so through your book, I'm only through the first chapter. So I'm really excited to dive in and really dig through this because I think this is what everybody is going through this right now. Oh yeah, I mean it's I mean, first of all, when you look at the pandemic, um, we all are navigating the unexpected. And it's like, okay, because think about it, many of us, who if you if you were tethering your identity to what you were doing. The pandemic hits and then it's like, wait, I can't do the thing I was doing in the way I was doing it. So who am I? What is this about? What is my value? And so I think most people are trying to reassess who who am I? What do I want to do? Was my life even heading in the right direction? And so I wrote this book. I had sold the book to set to write it before the pandemic, and then I started writing it during the pandemic. And it really informs so much of what's in the book to really help anyone navigating the unexpected in your personal life and your professional life and your relational life. Be because I believe the path to living for free. And when I say live free, this is what it means. It means we are not under the emotional, physical, or mental control of anyone or anything. We set the expectations that we live by. Now. Doesn't mean that others can't have expectations of us, of course, but we resist the temptation to let someone else's expectation of our life become our expectation if it's not of our choosing. So even when the pandemic, even though things are unexpected. Okay, the quote that Ryan responded to was to quote what I said. We don't get to control of things that happened. The only thing we can control is how we prepare for what might happen and how we respond to what just happened. And so this whole book is about that idea when we live free, when we say, all right, you know what, some unexpected things have happened. Okay, got it. Now what am I gonna do about it? Or am I gonna let what's happened dictate how I feel, how I think, and how I become. But how do you really let go of expectations that are put on you from other people, or from your faith, or from your family. How do you actually really let go? Because it's easier said than done. Okay, great, wonderful. Uh anything that's easy. Tell me if it's valuable. Usually not. You all have one of the top podcasts in the game. It's not easy, but it's valuable. Yeah, So you're absolutely right. It is not easy to resist the temptation to just fit in to what people expected us. But so this is why I wrote the book, because I wanted everyone reading it to think for a minute, is this the life I want to live? And if it's not, whose life and my living. I'm living with my mom wants me to live. I'm living where my father will was, I'm doing what my friends want me to do. I'm living with how my spouse wants me to live. Whatever it may be. Just ask the am I actually living the life that I want? Now? Let's fast forward to the end of your life. And at the end of your life, God says you did what was expected, but you did not do what was destined. There was a different, better, more fulfilling life for you. But because your mother told you not to do, you didn't do. Because your spouse told you not to go, you didn't go. If you can't live with that, then you've got to do the hard work now. And here's the thing. You don't do it out of anger or frustration. Do it in love. It's as simple as the next time somebody asked you to do something that's not in your heart. Instead of doing it out of obligation, just say I love you. I'm I'm not being called to do that right now. They may get mad, Okay, nothing wrong with That's all right, because guess what, think about how much we do out of obligations to think about how much time we of up. Well, if I don't do this, they're gonna get mad. Okay, so they're mad, Tell me what happens next, okay, So then so then we don't want them to get mad, and then we get mad later. How many times are we committed to do something, we did it and we get home when we said, well, no, we're getting ready for we're like, what I want to do this? And it goes I mean to think it goes a lot bigger. I think because for me, when I started going to Christian Church, you know, I grew up serving Orthodox, like I was going to serving Orthodox Church my entire life and not really understanding the language, not really understanding the services at all, not getting anything, just going because I grew up serving Orthodox and that's just what we did, you know. And when I started to realize that I was really resonating and getting a lot from going to Christian Church and I wanted to pursue that, that was a really tough conversation to have with my parents because it's kind of like, you know, why what is it about? You know, the serving or like is it about the culture, or like why are you turning your back all of these tough weird It was a weird time, and it took it took a little bit of time, but I think eventually it kind of came back around to you're getting so much more from the Christian Church and what you're doing now in your adult life. But like that shaped so much. I didn't. I didn't. This didn't start until maybe, like I was tree, I was dating a guy and I wanted him to convert to Serbian Orthodox when I didn't even want to be it myself. I was just like, what am I doing? What am I doing about living free? You started to live free? And now look at your life, Yeah, how do you how do you manage like obviously knowing that people will be mad or disappointed, but how do you manage like my whole life? And I'm just having this eye opening realization this last year my life, realizing of how much my whole life has been about pleasing other people and doing what they wanted me to do and being who they wanted me to be. And I'm I've been really working. I'm going to therapy, like really trying to like get to a place where I'm not living for everyone else's expectations. But I still struggle with the disappointment of people being disappointed in me, or like the feeling of people being disappointed in me, which I you know, I know there's a process of letting that go. But how do you get to a place where you're able to say this is what's best for me and I can live with the disappointment. Mm hmm, yeah. You know. In the book I talk about expectations are the secret software that run our life, and we don't actually react to the events of life. We react to our expectations of events. We don't react to people. We we react to our expectations of people. We don't react to our own successes. We react to what we where we thought we would be by now or something like that. The reason why I bring that up is because the programming that's that's operating in your system of pleasing and being is so strong that it is going to take time as you are rewriting it. Like, first of all, you had to come into the awareness hey wait a second, Wait a minute, I'm pleasing all these other people. And here's the irony about pleasing people. They don't value it. They do you do it? You, You go out of your way to please them, and they say, oh, thank you, move on about it. And I'm not they say thank you. Wait a second, I'm a crazy one here, oh over here doing all this and they don't even care. So as you've got that awareness starting to build that rewrite the system, just it takes time. It takes time, it takes practice, and and that other system is so strong. Those feelings of guilt, those feelings of like, are you sure you shouldn't do what they want to like? All those are to be expected. Okay, it's part of the process. But keep building that new habit and keep setting those expectations for yourself and keep living according to what's in your heart, and eventually that will become more normal, and the concern about their their disappointment or how they feel will will become less. That's the way to doing it. It's it's just it's not gonna happen magically. It's not gonna happen overnight. I'm not gonna tell you all living free. You just live free right now. It's a process, and uh, but it's a processs rewarding and it's a process that, Uh, it's something I think we all need to commit to. Yeah, I I feel I one time, I don't know where I heard this quote, but it was it was like other people's expectations of you or not your responsibility, and it like I felt like it hit me in the forehead and I was like, oh my gosh, I almost feel like me being a people pleaser has actually been me doing something where like you said, there was no reward in it for me, it was more so like I felt like they would be disappointed if I wasn't doing what they wanted to. But then once I did what they wanted to, it wasn't like I got a gold star or anything. It was almost just like they were expected, they were used to it, and so oh which, Oh, but see what you're hitting on, Beck is this is this is like why I'm so fassionate about this book because think about this. What you just said is so true. So what what's a sacrifice for you to do? Goes from becoming like someone requesting something of you? Two, then you're going out of the norm. You're sacrificing, You're doing what they wanted you to do, right, You're honoring their request and then that becomes expected, so it no longer becomes value. Oh that's what Becca always does, so well, why would I say thank you or why would I really have a lot of consideration about that. That's just who she is, that's what she does. And but for you, you're like, wait a minute, I'm being taken advantage of. Yeah, you have no idea what I just had to do to do this for you, and you don't even value it. Yeah, this is why, this is why the revelation in the path you're on it so beautiful and it's amazing because you're coming into a realization of your value. Oh, I'm I'm actually worth more than just plead being a people pleaser. I gotta be a Becca pleaser. First. I gotta make sure Becca feels good. And if I don't feel good, then I may not do depending on what it is do you feel sometimes? And I grew up in a like Christian home. I grew up growing to church and I was like Baptist, non nominational, And I feel like in growing up and that you're kind of taught that self pleasing is selfishness. And so now I'm like having to rewire my brain to know that being able to take care of myself as the way I'm able to take care of others. And it's not selfish to put myself first in certain circumstances. But it's like having to rewire that part of my brain too, of being taught my whole life of like self pleasing is selfishness. Oh boy, listen, I always I've been raising it durs my whole life. Listen, we all need a support group. Okay, you know, I'm Christian. I love the Christian here's the here's but here's the thing. Um, most people come to the Christian faith because of the love of Christ. Right, they get exposed to the love of Christ, and that love is so compelling that they make the commitment that this is the life I want to lead and I want to be a follower of of Christ, who completely is the definition of love. So most people become Christian because of love. But then the way we're socialized it's very different. The way we're socialized is through control. You can't do be careful, judgment, right, ridicule, finger pointing. So then we start to say, well, wait a minute, there's a scripture that says who the son who Jesus sets free is free. Indeed, that's scripture. But that's not how we're socialized. We're not taught to listen to ourselves. We're not taught to listen to the voice. No, no, be careful. You don't want to do this. You don't want to do that. You don't want to do this. But let's go to the greatest commandment. Jesus says, here's the greatest commandment. To love your the Lord, your God, with all your heart, and to love your neighbor as yourself. Now, throughout my whole upbringing in the church, the only emphasis is on the neighbor. Love your neighbor. Now, you better love your neighbor now. But but it says love your neighbor as yourself. So if I don't know how to love me well, I will not know how to love you well. So it does start with learning how to love who He created us to be. Now, there's there's two two ideas here, real quick. One is on the plane right when when it's the you know, over the loudspeaker, when we take all you hear, Oh, in case of emergency, the mass is gonna fall, and you put on your mask and then you put on you help somebody else right now. For years I thought that was the dumbest advice ever, because because Beggar like you, I was a people pleaser, right No, I'm I'm here to please everybody. I would not put on my mask first. I'm gonna go help everybody he's put their masks. And then as I got older, I realized I'm the crazy one. Why Because if something happens and that cabin pressure adjusts and I can't breathe, maybe I can go help one or two people before I die. But if I put my mask on first, then I can help the whole plane because I made sure that I was all right. There's a difference between selfishness and self prioritization. In the book, I talk about we have to self prioritize. When I'm selfish, it means I want what I want and I don't care how much pain I have to inflict to get it. I look at everything as an opportunity for me. That's not what this is about. Self prioritizing says I want to be a greater service to everyone, so I must be of service to myself. It's a great distinction. Yeah, it's about prioritizing. I want everybody else's well being to be great. So I gotta take care of my well being. That's self prioritizing, and I think that's critical in order to live free. That's really good stuff I'm telling you. And I also want to touch on because I so I'm on chapter one, but I peruse I kind of wanted to just kind of look through and see what the chapters were and stuff. And I saw the chapter on relationships, and you know, you say live free and take care of yourself, but also when you're in a relationship, you need to take care of that relationship and have another person that you know is deals with things in a totally different way. And so I kind of wanted to how do you live free in a relationship? And then also I wanted to touch on you were talking about how a lot of our expectations and relationships are you know, we learn it from movies or from TV shows, or that they're really kind of unrealistic. And I'm one of those people or like I am, like I saw Cinderella, like where is my prince? And where is my glass slipper? You know what I mean? And I feel like I've seen myself going down that path for a lot of my life, and so I kind of want you to talk about, Hey, how do you live free in a relationship when you have to, when you are not have to, when you are lovingly with somebody else? And then how to kind of u uh control your expectations in terms of that relationship and like you're phye the sky views of things? Yes, okay, great, so so on. The first thing is how do you live free? Um? All right? So living free just we have in order to live free, we have to set our expectations. You gotta ask the first question, what's a realistic expectation? How do I know if it's realistic? If it's in my control. If it's in my control, then it's realistic and I can expect it. If it's not, then it's unrealistic. And I argue you shouldn't expect it. So when we applied. And the second part is is communication. If it's spoken or unspoken, does the expectation need to be communicated? If it does, great, communicated to the person and see if they agree. And if it doesn't, no problem. So let's start with the first thing, how do you live free in a relationship? This is why I have a whole chapter of the book dedicated to singles. Because if you can live free as a single person, you bring that freedom to the relationship. How because you realize there's a whole section of the book that says, the only thing that you and I control is ourselves in the remote that's it. In a relationship, how much time and energy is spent trying to control somebody else and what they do most of the relationship. I want this person to do this, I want them to show up here, I want them to be this, I want them to say this, I want them to do this. We're trying to and they were so frustrated and I'm not happy. Why because the person is not doing what I want. But first and foremost, you're not living free. Why because your entire emotional well being is completely connected to what this person does and doesn't do in a relationship. The way that we live free is we remember that even in a union, we are still the creator and keeper of our happiness. When I realize that as an individual, I only have control of me. Okay, so if I don't create my own happiness. When you talk about Hollywood, right, that whole idea, Oh you make me happy? Inherent in that in that statement is a flaw, a fatal flaw. What is it making means creating? When I if I say, oh, you make me happy, that means oh, you create my happiness. That's fine as long as you keep creating happiness for me. But what happens when you don't The same person that made you happy one day, They're gonna make you sad in the next moment because we outsource our happiness to somebody else. So to live free in a relationship, we have to understand I gotta give this person the space and the freedom to be who they are, not who I want them to be. So then and if I don't like who they are, that is not their problem, it's my problem. So either I'm going to get to the place where I accept, you know, I accept who they are as they are, and that and who they are in their current state brings me enough joy where it makes sense for me to stay in it. But if I feel like, man, I gotta change them, I gotta do this. The first thing I would say, before you get out of any any relationship, look at the relationship as a mirror. It's not them, it's you. What is this relationship trying to teach you about you. What are the areas you need to grow, What are the areas you need to mature, What are the areas you need to kind of say, you know what, I'm gonna let go that go because here's what I know. Whatever work we don't do in one relationship, that uncompleted work follows us to the next one. So how we live free is we know we can control ourselves. We be the loving person that we want to be. We take the lessons we communicate because unspoken expectations are relationship killers. We communicate and then we evaluate, We evaluate, see what it is. Can you give an example of you said something about what you can control, like if you can control it, then you can expect it. Is that what you said? Can you give an example of something like something in a relationship of that, like, yeah, we can control how we love because see a lot of times we make love conditional. M hm. So so let's say you're a naturally loving person. Sometimes the relationship you will allow it to get you out of who you are. Well, this person is not. This person takes me for advantage, takes advantage of me. This person takes me for granted, So I'm gonna stop being loving? Is that? Is that really the move? You're gonna let them alter your DNA and you you become who they are. No. So, what we can control is our disposition. We can control our outlook, We can ConTroll our our understanding of what's happening. This is why I talk about perspective in the book, especially when it comes to dat. Number one asset I believe in dating is perspective, having a to be able to see the person clearly. This is why I talk about expectations, because sometimes our expectations of people destore our view of them. What we can control is also communicating what our needs are. I have this need, can I expect you to meet that need? But what happens is we don't do that. We buy into the Hollywood idea, Oh if they love me, Yeah, what happens We buy into that myth and then we get mad at them. Well, they love me, they would have known that I wanted you know, these type of flowers, or they would have known that they should have done this or done that. And then we not only judge them, we then make a conclusion about their intent for our well being based upon an expectation that was never communicated. Just because someone cares about you does not mean they can read our mind. As somebody deeply loves you doesn't know exactly what you need. So we got to do the hard work of communicating, Hey, here's what I need, and you gotta give the other person the opportunity to say yes or no, SOX because we need it. They're going to do it. It's so true. There. I want to there's another thing I like a follow up that I wanna get to um, but I feel like that specific topic isn't really good in terms of the email that we got this week, and I would interested on your perspective of it, because yeah, I mean I think I think what you're talking about actually could really have some good advice. So Mark, could you want to read the email to Divon Sure? Hi, Divan, thanks for coming not it's pleasure to miss you. This is from anonymous. I'm thirty three with eleven year old daughter and in a relationship of just over three years. Things were really great in the beginning, and after being together for two years, my daughter and I moved in with him. Since then, things have kind of changed, and I'm realizing that his ideal day is to be home and on the couch, and it's like pulling teeth in an argument just to go on a walk with him. I've asked him if he's possibly depressed, and he says he's fine. More and more recently, I just feel like I'm alone in the relationship. And I've also voiced these frustrations. He's a great guy and does have many great qualities, but I'm not so sure that the lifestyle he loves so much works for me. Help. Okay, alright, great, So this is the first thing. Is I talked about this in the book. You got to ask the question, first and foremost where is this going? Because inherent in her tension is that she wants to go somewhere that he may not be willing to go. So, first and foremost, what is it that you're wanting out of this relationship? It? You know, if you're living with him and you guys have this, are you do you want to get married? Do you want more of a commitment? Like? What is it that you want? So, first and foremost, identify what you want and then ask where this is going. The third thing is this in that dynamic when somebody wants to do something other person doesn't. You got to really ask the question, well, why do I want them to do that with me so badly? If there are things that I like to do, can I still find joy inlo and doing those things even if my partner doesn't do them with me? Or do I need my partner to do those things with me for me to like to do those things? Or if there are things that you like to do that's different than what he likes to do, how can you find one or two things that you like to do together? So instead of getting so frustrated with him for not doing what you want, why not find some things that you both like to do together. Maybe he's like, I don't I'm not into walking. That doesn't make him lazy. Calling him lazy, that's an judgment. He could be very hard working just doesn't feel like going on walks. But if this is a relationship you want to keep, if it's a relationship that you think has some merit, you gotta also communicate, Hey, baby, can we sit down and talk. Let's set our expectations. I want this to be more or I want this to go here? Is that what you expect? Because I actually want more out of a relationship. Is that what you want? You know, we're here, but it feels like we've plateaued. Where where do you want to take this? Here's where I want to go? Is that your vision communicate, Communicate before you evacuate a relationship. Communicate in the relationship, and that communication will start to reveal the information, and then based upon information, that's how you know what to do. So I would encourage her before she gets out of it. Ask some of these questions, do some of this seeking, and then see what the answers are. I like that communicate before you evacuate, because so many people are so like they're like, they're not getting it. I'm done. I can't handle it when they haven't even really given them a chance by communicating. But I do think that you hit the nail on the head was something too. But I think that a lot of a lot of times people can become very codependent in their relationships and not like it's like, let's just say my favorite thing is climbing trees. It's not like whatever and I have to do that. I want my partner to climb trees with me. But I've been climbing trees for years before he even came into my life, So why can't I just go and climb my trees by myself and still get joy from it and he doesn't have to do it with me. But yeah, I think there's this codependency that kind of I think happens over time where you don't want to do anything separate, and I think that can become very dangerous time. Well, yes, I also think that sometimes you get into like you've been doing something alone all this time, and then you have someone that you enjoy doing everything with and like they make your life better and make things more fun. So it's like, oh my gosh, something that I love could be even better with the person that I love. But there has to be a balance of being able to say if they're like, I don't enjoy that at all, and you can just feel that they're miserable the whole time, they don't bring any addition to it at that point because they're complaining. So I agree, it's more so like where can you meet in the middle and something you both enjoy and then you can do the things that you love on your own or with someone else that enjoys those things. And but what you're saying if it was communicated in that way that's so much more positive, Like hey, babe, I love doing this, but when I do it with you, I love it even more, versus why don't you want to do this with me? Just framing it and like wow, this is you know, I like spending this time with you. It makes it me feel so much happier that that it just makes one feel wanted and needed and not like they're not doing enough, that feeling of I'm not doing enough and I can never do enough to please someone in a relationship that feeling that seat of resentment, it's never going to get somebody where they want to be. That is like that is hitting the nail on the head. I think that's a very common theme that a lot of people can feel like anything I'm doing is just it's just not good enough, and that's like probably the worst place to be totally. It is it is. And so it just comes from communicating our needs in more of a positive way. And even again, if if that person doesn'ty're not obligated to meet our needs. And I think this is something because I think I feel like I've lived my life based on expectations of how I want things to be or how I thought that things would be in every aspect of my life. And I'm slowly starting to chip away at those things and it's really hard work. But even like for me as a Christian, I always thought I was going to marry a Christian man. We were going to go to church together every Sunday. We're gonna take photos with the Easter Bunny with our kids, like you know what I mean. Like I thought that was gonna be my future, you know, And I met this I recently started a relationship again with this man that I dated last year and he's Jewish, and it was it was It's been an interesting and ongoing conversation because he's not like he's come to church with me on um online, you know, because the church was not in person for a long time, and we've celebrated some of his Jewish holidays together. And I had this moment where I was just kind of like, would it be easier or would you want me to be Jewish? And he said, he goes um the way I love the way that you live your life, and I love your heart, and I think a lot of that has to do with your faith. So I would never want to change that about you. And we've had that conversation of like kind of doing a hybrid of things and celebrating both of our holidays, and so it's like, in my mind, this is not how I expected it to be at all, but they think that it's better. Like I've never I celebrate Hannakah this year, Like who knew? You know? Yeah? Yeah, well was? I mean? Also, but here's the thing. Jesus was Jewish. You know, let's just start there, Okay, So you know, doing the things that he did on on this earth is not it's not nothing wrong with that. More traditions and more you know, more things like that. Yeah, and this is why I wrote this book Live Free, because what you're doing is you're living free. You're saying, you know what, I'm not going to live up to this false expectation that my idea and my ideal has to be the reality, right, because sometimes we can become a prisoner to that ideal. Yeah, it has to be you know, this person has to share my same faith and this. Well, right now we're in I have no idea. What let's say you get married. Who knows what happened ten years down the road, who knows what God wants to do. Twenty years down row. You know my grandparents, when my grandmother and my grandfather got married, first of all, none of them, neither of them were in the church. And then my grandmother got in the church and my grandfather have one didn't wone have anything to do with it. But as she just kept showing up, she just kept living free, she kept doing what she was called to do. Eventually, you know, he came. Eventually he gave his heart to God. Eventually he became a Christian. Eventually he was more in the church than she was. But he was a journey. And I think the more we just practiced that freedom, and the more we pray and we listen and we follow what we're hearing, only us and God are gonna know what really feels right to do. And so I would just encourage you to keep following. You know where where this is going, and to see you have no idea. And I think too often we come with these ideas, especially in the Christian community. You know, I'm not saying that two people that have different belief system that that's gonna be easy. It's not, especially when it comes to spiritually, but that doesn't mean that God still can't be in it, and it doesn't mean that God still isn't bringing too hards together. You can have someone with the same faith and they can you can be the most incompatible, right you. So just because they share the same faith, there's a whole lot more that's got to be sorted out. Then just we go to the same church and we pray to the same God. There's a whole lot more in between. And but a lot of times people just say, oh, as long as they're my faith and they're Christian and we can go singing together, it's all good. No that that that could be the devil sitting right next to you in that worship service. You still got to evaluate this person and see if they're the right fit, no matter what they profess to believe. Yeah, that's so true. It's so true. Like the expectation of what the ideal of that what you said not you're not needing the ideal to be the reality is so just profound, Yeah, simple, yet so profound. Trapped by these ideals and then we say, well, where did that come from? And why is that the ideal? What? What? What? Who told me that? Where did that belief come from uh you know, I mean seriously, it's like, it's that's why I wrote this book, just to get people to think, like, am I actually living free? Or am I imprisoning myself to this ideal in this vision? And what if I just said I'm gonna break out. I'm gonna break out of this idea, I'll break out of this prison. I'm just gonna say, all right, well, maybe that's just maybe there's something different. But different isn't worse. Different is in most times better. So why not be free to explore and to live and to breathe and to see what it is life really has When I can take that ideal or that expectation off of the off the table, so to speak. Wow, that's so good. I'm I was Tanya was telling me a little bit about the book before we started the podcast, and I was like, oh, I'm definitely interested in now after having a conversation with you, I cannot wait to read the book. So thank you, Because like I and I have friends, I'm already thinking of the friends I'm going to tell, Like, I feel like your circumstance, what you're going through, this would be so helpful. Maybe we can read it together. Yeah, and like I think the way that you kind of um, I don't know if the word is uh divvied up the book or like U yeah, yeah, like the layout. The layout where like every chapter is like you know what you're getting with every chapter, and then you end each chapter with like kind of thought provoking questions that you can ask. For me, somebody that likes homework and journaling, I like that I can kind of read those questions in journal and like really work through it. And then other people who don't like the homework, you can just think about these things and you don't have to necessarily feel like you're not doing the work, you know which I like that. Yeah. No, I wanted people, you know, to first of all, I've always been inquisitive because I was a kid, I asked a lot of questions. So I just, you know, me asking a lot of questions in the book is just who I am. And I want people just to think and just you know, look, it's up for you to decide what the answer are. Sometimes even thinking the question will never reveal the answer. Yeah, just thinking the question, it's like, oh, I never asked you thought about that? Right? I don't even like this job, what am I doing? You know, you know, it's the answer can lead anywhere, But I just like asking the question as a catalyst for change. Yeah, I mean, I'm like, I literally I realized that in the beginning of my relationship, I was talking about marriage, like literally two or three months in about marriage, and I'm like, I was putting so much pressure on that. Okay, this poor guy just got divorced, so he's like feeling that pressure. And then in my mind I realized, I'm like, why do I need to think about that right now? Like I need to actually see if I even want that, Like, yes, that's something that I want in my future at some point. But I'm like, who knows if in six months I even want that with you exactly instead of just you know, giving me the relationship time six months, Oh no, I don't know what I would tell about marriage it never happen, you know, or as the more time he speaking, like oh yeah, no, I could actually see this and you know, let me start, you know, having the conversation when it feels a apropriate, but just letting ourselves breathe for a minute. Yeah, I mean, that's what unset expectations. Do they just suffocate us? There's so it's just you can't even enjoy. Is this person gonna be my husband? Person? White Time will review. Yeah. I feel like living free is a k a. Living in the present, which is so hard to do it, but it's a practice that's so rewarding and we'll read tremendous benefits. Well, yeah, thank you so much. I mean, I feel like we could do a whole podcast and just talk to you. So please, whenever you have time, we love to have you back. Um, would love to have you back. If you ever are doing a second day or another day of press for something, please include us in the in the lineup. You are amazing. Um, everybody that is listening. Devon's book Live Free is coming out May fourth, which is tomorrow. Yeah yeah, um, so you can get it tomorrow. But also if you're in the market for a good books, all of his books are fantastic, So you can start with this one and then you can go to the Hollywood Commandments, which I loved. The way which I loved was what men Really think? The truth about the truth about men? What am I missing? The first one was produced by Faith produced by Faith, I haven't read that one. Oh yeah, you gotta read that one all right, that the entire I got to get the catalog. Thank you seriously so much for taking the time. You're the best. I just I admire you and I just think so highly abu, So thank you. Likewise, thank you all for having me. It's good to see you, and I can't wait to come back. Thanks to Von Bye. How amazing is Davon Franklin. I mean, just a gem of a human being, a gem of a human and honestly, he's like a nugget factory. Like I just feel like every time he talks, I get something out of it no matter where I hear him. I would love to be referred to as a nugget factory. That's gonna be my new goal in life, like help people perceive me a nugget factor. I've read every single one of his books, and honestly, I highlight and I can go back to them and read what I've highlighted because it's just he really is just so good. I'm so excited to read this one because it really feels like basically what this whole past year of growing and learning has been for me. So I'm really excited to kind of dive in and read. This will be my first book of I know, I know, I know, I was gonna say I want to read all his books, but I specifically want to start with this one because it's so prevalent, prevalent to what you're experiencing. Exactly, start with this one and then follow it up with the Hollywood Commandments because it's so good. I'm telling you, it's just like so good. So anyways, Davon, we love you. Please welcome back to the o R anytime. Yeah, of course we say that, and I feel like he really will come back. He will come back. Um, as always, we love you all so much. I'm ready for let me know when Game Nights happening could be this weekend? Yes, Mark and New Graves this week with only one episode, but yeah we have April Keptner Grays. We have a potential Game Night happening. Uh, a lot to get to next week. There's just gonna be a lot to catch up on next week. So finished this book, give you some nuggets and start planning your triathlon. That's right, Um, we love you. Wait, everyone's gonna be like, oh my gosh, you should totally do this thing in June and like share it and then people are gonna start doing it with me. That absolutely, that'd be epic if you shared the like what you're doing. Yeah, I think people would love that. It almost give people like something where they felt like they were on a team doing something, you know, like they're not a loan. So I don't know if I'll do it, but I think a lot of other people will be fun. We'll cross that bridge when we get there. I hope you all have a wonderful week. We love you so much and we'll see you next Monday.