Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.

Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.

Hello, everybody, we are scrubbing in.

Hello, everybody, we are scrubbing in.

H dub dub in the tub tub tub.

H dub dub in the tub tub tub.

It's dear Bonya, dear b A n y a.

It's dear Bonya, dear b A n y a.

B A n my a b A and my and Banya.

B A n my a b A and my and Banya.

What's her name? Oh that's cute.

What's her name? Oh that's cute.

I'm gonna say we should think of like a jingle for rub Banya, like here's our dear Banya.

I'm gonna say we should think of like a jingle for rub Banya, like here's our dear Banya.

That was good.

That was good.

Yeah, but that was a that was a form like we just stole.

Yeah, but that was a that was a form like we just stole.

That, I know, but it like worked perfectly.

That, I know, but it like worked perfectly.

Yeahs amount of letters. Yeah, well that'll be interim.

Yeahs amount of letters. Yeah, well that'll be interim.

B A n y A. Well, how does it start?

B A n y A. Well, how does it start?

How does it a?

How does it a?

There was a scrubber with the question and she wrote it into the email.

There was a scrubber with the question and she wrote it into the email.

B A y b A n y A b.

B A y b A n y A b.

A and and Bonya was her name. Oh, there was a scrubber who had a question. Anonymous was her name?

A and and Bonya was her name. Oh, there was a scrubber who had a question. Anonymous was her name?

Anyway, a way and Bonya was her name.

Anyway, a way and Bonya was her name.

It's pretty good.

It's pretty good.

I think there's potential. It rolls it cooksa, we got it.

I think there's potential. It rolls it cooksa, we got it.

The chorus.

The chorus.

There's no notes. The versus in her tweaks, Yeah, minor tweaks here and there.

There's no notes. The versus in her tweaks, Yeah, minor tweaks here and there.

We'll cook on it. We'll cook it.

We'll cook on it. We'll cook it.

Is that your new thing?

Is that your new thing?

Yeah, everybody's talking about it, they said on Survivor the other day.

Yeah, everybody's talking about it, they said on Survivor the other day.

I was like, we'll cook it.

I was like, we'll cook it.

Well, cook, I'll let you.

Well, cook, I'll let you.

We'll let you cook, like, let you do your thing, all right, So let us cook.

We'll let you cook, like, let you do your thing, all right, So let us cook.

Let us cook.

Let us cook.

It's timed for dear Bonya, and we're ready to cook and give advice.

It's timed for dear Bonya, and we're ready to cook and give advice.

I think this one's anonymous. I have an older cousin who's my best, best best friend. I was made of honor. We talked twenty four seven. I spent a lot of time third wheeling. She and her husband, whom I also love him. She recently told me a secret. They are in an open relationship. She's had a boyfriend of six months, and her husband's very much aware of it and supports it. She goes on dates with him, she has sex with him, She tells him, I love you. You can imagine my shock and confusion as she was telling me this.

I think this one's anonymous. I have an older cousin who's my best, best best friend. I was made of honor. We talked twenty four seven. I spent a lot of time third wheeling. She and her husband, whom I also love him. She recently told me a secret. They are in an open relationship. She's had a boyfriend of six months, and her husband's very much aware of it and supports it. She goes on dates with him, she has sex with him, She tells him, I love you. You can imagine my shock and confusion as she was telling me this.

Now.

Now.

Number one, this isn't traditional, so that's what shocked me. And two, how's this been going on for six months without me knowing? She told me she was terrified to tell me because she knew was a unique situation. So I tried my best to be supportive and understanding, but I feel awkward around them because I know the secret and no one else knows amongst their friends and family. How can I act normal around them? Moving forward? What do I say to her when she brings up her new boyfriend? I feel like I'm being so awkward when I want to be supportive of her and their choices, even if it's something I wouldn't be comfortable with.

Number one, this isn't traditional, so that's what shocked me. And two, how's this been going on for six months without me knowing? She told me she was terrified to tell me because she knew was a unique situation. So I tried my best to be supportive and understanding, but I feel awkward around them because I know the secret and no one else knows amongst their friends and family. How can I act normal around them? Moving forward? What do I say to her when she brings up her new boyfriend? I feel like I'm being so awkward when I want to be supportive of her and their choices, even if it's something I wouldn't be comfortable with.

Help, you know, the help feels very help.

Help, you know, the help feels very help.

I suck at dating, you know, it really is. Yeah, and so that's a different post.

I suck at dating, you know, it really is. Yeah, and so that's a different post.

I stop doing that. Okay, fair enough, it's kind of my thing, but I'll stop in that way. You know, it's like my catchphrase. But doing that, I agree with you.

I stop doing that. Okay, fair enough, it's kind of my thing, but I'll stop in that way. You know, it's like my catchphrase. But doing that, I agree with you.

Go good, everything good.

Go good, everything good.

We work together too much.

We work together too much.

I'm like, I literally would never have known that.

I'm like, I literally would never have known that.

Yeah, that's how they do all theirs. It's actually not called that anymore though.

Yeah, that's how they do all theirs. It's actually not called that anymore though.

No, it's been a few different titles since then. Yeah, now it's Suckers okay, and they're not currently in production.

No, it's been a few different titles since then. Yeah, now it's Suckers okay, and they're not currently in production.

Oh wow, okay, all right, Well anyway, anyway.

Oh wow, okay, all right, Well anyway, anyway.

So here's my thing.

So here's my thing.

I think you're totally valid at being surprised and shocked by this and also know like being like, how did I not know about this for six months? And I also understand being a little awkward around it, like navigating it. But I think what's what it is is when you when something new comes around, there can be that awkward adjustment period, but this is their relationship.

I think you're totally valid at being surprised and shocked by this and also know like being like, how did I not know about this for six months? And I also understand being a little awkward around it, like navigating it. But I think what's what it is is when you when something new comes around, there can be that awkward adjustment period, but this is their relationship.

You love them.

You love them.

Me personally, I could never do that, be in an open relationship and have that, but that's them, that's not it's not my life, it's not your life. And so I think that if they're happy and they're sharing it with you, I think it's just it's almost like you're learning something new and you don't know how to be around it, but you're doing your best, and I think at it at some point you'll adjust to being comfortable with it because it'll just be like, it is what it is.

Me personally, I could never do that, be in an open relationship and have that, but that's them, that's not it's not my life, it's not your life. And so I think that if they're happy and they're sharing it with you, I think it's just it's almost like you're learning something new and you don't know how to be around it, but you're doing your best, and I think at it at some point you'll adjust to being comfortable with it because it'll just be like, it is what it is.

I'm just curious what you feel awkward about, because.

I'm just curious what you feel awkward about, because.

I think it's just.

I think it's just.

Values and like thinking you know someone and then probably feeling like I would never think she would be into this, right.

Values and like thinking you know someone and then probably feeling like I would never think she would be into this, right.

And I guess maybe you're awkward because you don't know like what to ask, like do you ask like how are things with your husband?

And I guess maybe you're awkward because you don't know like what to ask, like do you ask like how are things with your husband?

Or do you ask how are things with your boyfriend.

Or do you ask how are things with your boyfriend.

Just how are things How are things with you?

Just how are things How are things with you?

Right?

Right?

Yeah? I would that, I was going to say, I would be asking all the questions.

Yeah? I would that, I was going to say, I would be asking all the questions.

Yeah, I would be asking all the questions.

Yeah, I would be asking all the questions.

Like how did y'all come to terms with this? Like what was the conversation? Like did you need to did.

Like how did y'all come to terms with this? Like what was the conversation? Like did you need to did.

You agree to this before you got married? Or was this post marriage?

You agree to this before you got married? Or was this post marriage?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Great, there's so many questions. I think you just open up if you because you probably feel awkward because you have questions that you'd aren't sure you can ask, and I think you are in a position where you're she probably would be happy to answer your questions and share with you, because she's probably just been keeping it inside and not having it.

Great, there's so many questions. I think you just open up if you because you probably feel awkward because you have questions that you'd aren't sure you can ask, and I think you are in a position where you're she probably would be happy to answer your questions and share with you, because she's probably just been keeping it inside and not having it.

Tan to talk to her.

Tan to talk to her.

Because she talked about it. She put all of this out of the table for you. You also put everything out of the table that you're feeling, all the confusion, all the questions you have, all the if you're uncomfortable with it, say I gotta tell you, I'm not comfortable with this, but I'm going to try because I love you and i'm your best friend and we're gonna and I want to be there for you. It's the things you said to us right here. I think you got to tell her a lot of this stuff.

Because she talked about it. She put all of this out of the table for you. You also put everything out of the table that you're feeling, all the confusion, all the questions you have, all the if you're uncomfortable with it, say I gotta tell you, I'm not comfortable with this, but I'm going to try because I love you and i'm your best friend and we're gonna and I want to be there for you. It's the things you said to us right here. I think you got to tell her a lot of this stuff.

Yeah, and like, I'm wondering if maybe, if there's a little bit of you, like, do other people envy their relationship, because I'm wondering if like maybe like other friends, like, oh, I really wish that our marriage was like Sally and Ben's. You know, like they seem like they haven't really figured out and then you know this like big secret.

Yeah, and like, I'm wondering if maybe, if there's a little bit of you, like, do other people envy their relationship, because I'm wondering if like maybe like other friends, like, oh, I really wish that our marriage was like Sally and Ben's. You know, like they seem like they haven't really figured out and then you know this like big secret.

Yeah, that's probably annoying.

Yeah, that's probably annoying.

That's probably annoying.

That's probably annoying.

Fun too, No, they're like they're so in love and happy and yeah.

Fun too, No, they're like they're so in love and happy and yeah.

They're both doing other people at the same time. So you don't want that.

They're both doing other people at the same time. So you don't want that.

I think, And honestly, I think the fact that it took her six months to tell you probably means that she felt awkward about sharing it with you. So the fact that she did that, I think shows how much she loves you and trusts you, and I think that you can share the same honesty.

I think, And honestly, I think the fact that it took her six months to tell you probably means that she felt awkward about sharing it with you. So the fact that she did that, I think shows how much she loves you and trusts you, and I think that you can share the same honesty.

Back to Hrling, Mark said.

Back to Hrling, Mark said.

Yeah, Anonymous, I'm twenty seven, married to my husband for three years now. We've been together since we're fifteen. He's my best friend since elementary school. He's the best human I know. One large problem. I am a lesbian. My husband has known that I'm attracted to women since college, but I didn't come to terms with being attracted only to women until a couple of years ago. I've known I was attracted to women since around ninth grade, but I grew up in a conservative small town. I knew that would never be an option for me, so I kind of posted far down. As I've gotten older, I care less what those people think, and I want to experience a connection deeper than just a strong friendship. I feel for my husband, but I also can't stand the thought of losing him in my life, as well as his family, who I love so much. He knows I'm a lesbian, but he still seems to think that one day I'll wake up and be attracted to him. But I can't blame him, because I too wish it was that easy. One day, I feel like I can settle and be happy enough with our friendship in the life we have already built in other days, I can't imagine staying in a relationship without that passion and deeper connection. But I'm terrified of hurting those around me, and I feel so selfish and the advice or input is appreciated. Ps Becca's journey to acceptance has been such a big part of me coming to terms with my own sexuality and realizing that the people who truly love me just want me to be happy.

Yeah, Anonymous, I'm twenty seven, married to my husband for three years now. We've been together since we're fifteen. He's my best friend since elementary school. He's the best human I know. One large problem. I am a lesbian. My husband has known that I'm attracted to women since college, but I didn't come to terms with being attracted only to women until a couple of years ago. I've known I was attracted to women since around ninth grade, but I grew up in a conservative small town. I knew that would never be an option for me, so I kind of posted far down. As I've gotten older, I care less what those people think, and I want to experience a connection deeper than just a strong friendship. I feel for my husband, but I also can't stand the thought of losing him in my life, as well as his family, who I love so much. He knows I'm a lesbian, but he still seems to think that one day I'll wake up and be attracted to him. But I can't blame him, because I too wish it was that easy. One day, I feel like I can settle and be happy enough with our friendship in the life we have already built in other days, I can't imagine staying in a relationship without that passion and deeper connection. But I'm terrified of hurting those around me, and I feel so selfish and the advice or input is appreciated. Ps Becca's journey to acceptance has been such a big part of me coming to terms with my own sexuality and realizing that the people who truly love me just want me to be happy.

Nice.

Nice.

Oh this is complicated. There's a part of me that's like, we worry so much about being selfish and in terms of what other people will say or hurting other people. But I just wonder if it's also selfish to stay in something where your husband isn't getting the affection or attention sexually from his partner.

Oh this is complicated. There's a part of me that's like, we worry so much about being selfish and in terms of what other people will say or hurting other people. But I just wonder if it's also selfish to stay in something where your husband isn't getting the affection or attention sexually from his partner.

To throw this out there, though, I do think that there are people that are in marriages that are just kind of like roommates.

To throw this out there, though, I do think that there are people that are in marriages that are just kind of like roommates.

I think there's a sexuality base or not correct, That's what I'm saying. So it's like, this isn't the worst case scenario, Like you know, it's just not.

I think there's a sexuality base or not correct, That's what I'm saying. So it's like, this isn't the worst case scenario, Like you know, it's just not.

You're saying, like just to stay in the marriage, and.

You're saying, like just to stay in the marriage, and.

No, I'm saying for him, Oh yeah, like.

No, I'm saying for him, Oh yeah, like.

Oh like he's he's probably just content with how it is.

Oh like he's he's probably just content with how it is.

Yeah, I'm saying, take the sexuality out out of it. There are marriages and there are relationships out there people who just coexist together. They just like live life together and they like don't really have sex and they just like they're kind of like, really.

Yeah, I'm saying, take the sexuality out out of it. There are marriages and there are relationships out there people who just coexist together. They just like live life together and they like don't really have sex and they just like they're kind of like, really.

If you're craving the relationship, having a sexual relationship with someone that you're attracted to and want.

If you're craving the relationship, having a sexual relationship with someone that you're attracted to and want.

That way right then and that's not for you, right Yeah.

That way right then and that's not for you, right Yeah.

So I'm just saying like, sometimes there I there's always this like back and forth of what's selfish, you know, like staying in something that you and your partner are getting the type of partnership you want from the marriage, or is selfish choosing yourself and hurting other people in the process.

So I'm just saying like, sometimes there I there's always this like back and forth of what's selfish, you know, like staying in something that you and your partner are getting the type of partnership you want from the marriage, or is selfish choosing yourself and hurting other people in the process.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I just think like, in ten years, are you going to wake up and kick yourself for not trying to explore and find a relationship that ignites all of that in you.

I just think like, in ten years, are you going to wake up and kick yourself for not trying to explore and find a relationship that ignites all of that in you.

That's what it was for me with I mean, not a very different situation, but when coming to term, when Haley and I came out with reading A Love and a Lot you did reading Seven Husbands of eve Oney, yougo was because a big part of that was she looked at the end of her life. She got to the end of her life and it was like all these thoughts of what could have been if she had just let herself love who she wanted to love.

That's what it was for me with I mean, not a very different situation, but when coming to term, when Haley and I came out with reading A Love and a Lot you did reading Seven Husbands of eve Oney, yougo was because a big part of that was she looked at the end of her life. She got to the end of her life and it was like all these thoughts of what could have been if she had just let herself love who she wanted to love.

Yeah, and it's so powerful.

Yeah, and it's so powerful.

And I do think there is a complication, you know, when you commit your life to someone in a marriage, But I also think we have one life, and your husband knows, and I think it might just be having a very honest conversation about where you are with your feelings and your sexuality and not wanting to have regrets for yourself and for him, and you know, communicating to him that you love his friendship. And that's the part of you that's staying. That's the part of you that's made this hard, and there might be some awkward moments navigating that, but I just think I think staying somewhere where you're always wanting more or questioning what is out there.

And I do think there is a complication, you know, when you commit your life to someone in a marriage, But I also think we have one life, and your husband knows, and I think it might just be having a very honest conversation about where you are with your feelings and your sexuality and not wanting to have regrets for yourself and for him, and you know, communicating to him that you love his friendship. And that's the part of you that's staying. That's the part of you that's made this hard, and there might be some awkward moments navigating that, but I just think I think staying somewhere where you're always wanting more or questioning what is out there.

And I think clearly you are. You wouldn't be writing us if you weren't questioning it.

And I think clearly you are. You wouldn't be writing us if you weren't questioning it.

And the fact that he knows everything, I think we need to take advantage of that. Yeah, And I also take him so far.

And the fact that he knows everything, I think we need to take advantage of that. Yeah, And I also take him so far.

There's also like she's not going I'm wondering if I'm attracted to women. It's like I've known since I was in ninth grade, I'm a lesbian. Like, there's no uncertainty here.

There's also like she's not going I'm wondering if I'm attracted to women. It's like I've known since I was in ninth grade, I'm a lesbian. Like, there's no uncertainty here.

I think you guys need to sit down and have a really difficult, very emotional conversation about your future, because does he want to be in this knowing that you're never going to be attracted to him. If you ever sleep with him, it'll be as a favor more than anything. You're never going to enjoy that act. So is that what you want for your life? But making also clear to him that you love him and you don't want to lose him, And is there anything we can figure out here together to move forward? And maybe that's breaking up, Maybe that's seeing other people. Maybe it's the open relationship like we had in the last email. Maybe it's somehow transitioning into friendship. I don't know.

I think you guys need to sit down and have a really difficult, very emotional conversation about your future, because does he want to be in this knowing that you're never going to be attracted to him. If you ever sleep with him, it'll be as a favor more than anything. You're never going to enjoy that act. So is that what you want for your life? But making also clear to him that you love him and you don't want to lose him, And is there anything we can figure out here together to move forward? And maybe that's breaking up, Maybe that's seeing other people. Maybe it's the open relationship like we had in the last email. Maybe it's somehow transitioning into friendship. I don't know.

Is there a world I don't know this, but like if you separate, you know, if you take a separation and it's like we we date other people, you know.

Is there a world I don't know this, but like if you separate, you know, if you take a separation and it's like we we date other people, you know.

Like divorce, there's more this.

Like divorce, there's more this.

Yeah, but it's a clear understanding of what's happening, because you might it might be a grass is greener. You might go out and have that and be like, I still have a stronger connection with this man.

Yeah, but it's a clear understanding of what's happening, because you might it might be a grass is greener. You might go out and have that and be like, I still have a stronger connection with this man.

That I married. I don't know. Yeah, but I think that you need you need that, you need that.

That I married. I don't know. Yeah, but I think that you need you need that, you need that.

And I think you've acknowledged it within yourself, which is a huge part of this, and you he knows this. I think Mark's right. You sit down and have a really hard conversation about it, and we are rooting for you.

And I think you've acknowledged it within yourself, which is a huge part of this, and you he knows this. I think Mark's right. You sit down and have a really hard conversation about it, and we are rooting for you.

Yes, we are all right.

Yes, we are all right.

I'm gonna tease the next one. Oh, we tease this one because it's a better tease. Okay, A Day one scrubber says she no longer loves her husband. Next.

I'm gonna tease the next one. Oh, we tease this one because it's a better tease. Okay, A Day one scrubber says she no longer loves her husband. Next.

All right, we're back.

All right, we're back.

These are really interesting emails this week.

These are really interesting emails this week.

Yeah, like, we're really sorry that y'all are going through like really hard times, really, but we appreciate that you trust us.

Yeah, like, we're really sorry that y'all are going through like really hard times, really, but we appreciate that you trust us.

This is another tough one. Day one scrubber. My husband and I have been married for eleven years, together for sixteen. Now that's the situation. Side note from me. Seems like after sixteen years together, you're solid, you're good, you know what's going on. Right. Not the case here, She says, I've realized that I'm just not in love with him anymore, and I don't know what to do. Our life is great. We have three beautiful children. We are great partners and teammates, taking care of the house and the kids and all of their thousands of activities. I love him wholeheartedly as a human and the person he is. I admire him, I respect him. We are intimate several times a week. We spend tons of time together the as a family.

This is another tough one. Day one scrubber. My husband and I have been married for eleven years, together for sixteen. Now that's the situation. Side note from me. Seems like after sixteen years together, you're solid, you're good, you know what's going on. Right. Not the case here, She says, I've realized that I'm just not in love with him anymore, and I don't know what to do. Our life is great. We have three beautiful children. We are great partners and teammates, taking care of the house and the kids and all of their thousands of activities. I love him wholeheartedly as a human and the person he is. I admire him, I respect him. We are intimate several times a week. We spend tons of time together the as a family.

That's great.

That's great.

I feel like I'm living a lie. I put on a happy face, but I just don't feel like I am in love with my husband anymore, and I just don't know what to do about it. He basically gives me the ick way more than I'd like to admit. I often think about divorce and I feel like I'd be okay with it, honestly, But then I think about people who stay in much worse relationships for longer and wonder if I'm just being selfish. I have felt this way for almost two and a half years now. I feel like a cop out having these thoughts, But I also feel like our relationship has run its course and she'd be okay to move on. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for here, but any advice or thought to be appreciated. I love this podcast so much, Sincerely, a day one scrubber.

I feel like I'm living a lie. I put on a happy face, but I just don't feel like I am in love with my husband anymore, and I just don't know what to do about it. He basically gives me the ick way more than I'd like to admit. I often think about divorce and I feel like I'd be okay with it, honestly, But then I think about people who stay in much worse relationships for longer and wonder if I'm just being selfish. I have felt this way for almost two and a half years now. I feel like a cop out having these thoughts, But I also feel like our relationship has run its course and she'd be okay to move on. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for here, but any advice or thought to be appreciated. I love this podcast so much, Sincerely, a day one scrubber.

Let me tell you something. If there's anything that the show nobody wants, this has taught me, it's that the itck can be reversed.

Let me tell you something. If there's anything that the show nobody wants, this has taught me, it's that the itck can be reversed.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This to me, I'm just gonna say it, this sounds like a lovely situation. You've gotten the ick, you've had it for two point five years.

This to me, I'm just gonna say it, this sounds like a lovely situation. You've gotten the ick, you've had it for two point five years.

Two point five years is a long time.

Two point five years is a long time.

Not but have you actively day one scrubber tried to reverse the ick? Have we talked to a therapist? Have you sat down with your husband? Have you worked on trying to reverse that? Because what if you can reverse the dick and then you have such a beautiful you have sixteen more years left. I don't think this is I don't think this is I don't think it's over.

Not but have you actively day one scrubber tried to reverse the ick? Have we talked to a therapist? Have you sat down with your husband? Have you worked on trying to reverse that? Because what if you can reverse the dick and then you have such a beautiful you have sixteen more years left. I don't think this is I don't think this is I don't think it's over.

If I had the ick for two point five years and then someone was saying I have sixteen years left, that sounds daunting.

If I had the ick for two point five years and then someone was saying I have sixteen years left, that sounds daunting.

However, reverse it.

However, reverse it.

However, I do think that if you haven't done everything you can, I feel like you have a good thing. And I'm just saying like in terms of like, it seems like y'all have a good partnership, you.

However, I do think that if you haven't done everything you can, I feel like you have a good thing. And I'm just saying like in terms of like, it seems like y'all have a good partnership, you.

Have kids together, sex all the time.

Have kids together, sex all the time.

But it doesn't sound like she is like I think she's She.

But it doesn't sound like she is like I think she's She.

Said we're intimate several times a week.

Said we're intimate several times a week.

She doesn't say from someone, then.

She doesn't say from someone, then.

Well, I think it would have slowed down, wouldn't it If she's that grossed out, people please her and is like, this is I'm the only one of us that's been in a relationship this long. Oh my god, twenty seven years. I guarantee you. I give my wife the from time to time. I guarantee it. It's been a long time together. And this is the comparison I've made before on this show. There's Mark and Amy, there's Mom and dad. Mom and Dad bicker, they don't get along all the time. The drivers are the crazy. Mark and Amy are super in love, and you go back and forth between the two. I think you two are really stuck in mom and dad mode, and you need to find time to get to you and him as the couple you were that you fell in love with once upon a time. I agree with Tanya that I think this could be salvage. I think you're maybe focusing on some of his more negative qualities and maybe you've lost sight of some of the ones that you fell in love with.

Well, I think it would have slowed down, wouldn't it If she's that grossed out, people please her and is like, this is I'm the only one of us that's been in a relationship this long. Oh my god, twenty seven years. I guarantee you. I give my wife the from time to time. I guarantee it. It's been a long time together. And this is the comparison I've made before on this show. There's Mark and Amy, there's Mom and dad. Mom and Dad bicker, they don't get along all the time. The drivers are the crazy. Mark and Amy are super in love, and you go back and forth between the two. I think you two are really stuck in mom and dad mode, and you need to find time to get to you and him as the couple you were that you fell in love with once upon a time. I agree with Tanya that I think this could be salvage. I think you're maybe focusing on some of his more negative qualities and maybe you've lost sight of some of the ones that you fell in love with.

You.

You.

Yeah, because like.

Yeah, because like.

When you do get the ick, you fixate on that ick, and like everything that they subsequently do post ick makes you feel even ickier. So I feel like you're just like spiraling in the ick and like you're not seeing the forest in the trees.

When you do get the ick, you fixate on that ick, and like everything that they subsequently do post ick makes you feel even ickier. So I feel like you're just like spiraling in the ick and like you're not seeing the forest in the trees.

Maybe being in the ick indefinitely is being in the spiral of the ick is.

Maybe being in the ick indefinitely is being in the spiral of the ick is.

Dark for two point five years.

Dark for two point five years.

It's like being in the eye of the hurricane for Yeah, and he's a good dude.

It's like being in the eye of the hurricane for Yeah, and he's a good dude.

Here's my thing.

Here's my thing.

Clearly he's a good dude.

Clearly he's a good dude.

I think. I agree.

I think. I agree.

I think it's like they're stuck in this mop parent mode and it's like, what were the things about him when y'all started dating?

I think it's like they're stuck in this mop parent mode and it's like, what were the things about him when y'all started dating?

Maybe y'all go on dates.

Maybe y'all go on dates.

Maybe what is I guess it's like some IX can be reversed, like what are the ickxs? Is that personality X? Is it what he looks like? Physical IX? Like?

Maybe what is I guess it's like some IX can be reversed, like what are the ickxs? Is that personality X? Is it what he looks like? Physical IX? Like?

What is a new wardrobe he's wearing?

What is a new wardrobe he's wearing?

Yeah, Like are there things where you could step in and go like, hey, maybe if you styled your hair this way, just like things that maybe are.

Yeah, Like are there things where you could step in and go like, hey, maybe if you styled your hair this way, just like things that maybe are.

Simple and even voice it like that be like, oh my gosh, this new colonial wearing is giving me the ick coupled with these weird socks that you're wearing to bed at night, coupled with like.

Simple and even voice it like that be like, oh my gosh, this new colonial wearing is giving me the ick coupled with these weird socks that you're wearing to bed at night, coupled with like.

When you eat, it's that stuff. I guarantee it's that stuff.

When you eat, it's that stuff. I guarantee it's that stuff.

Whatever tell them be like they're giving me the ick, and I need you to be mindful of it, and like we need to I need to get back to like wanting you to blind.

Whatever tell them be like they're giving me the ick, and I need you to be mindful of it, and like we need to I need to get back to like wanting you to blind.

That's fair, needs you to be mindful of the absolute ick you're getting me. Yeah, I do think talking to a therapist would be like great, because I think maybe you can have your own time to say what you need to say, put it out in the open, figure out where there's that misconnection, and then maybe go in like romantic dates, do things that y'all did before you had kids.

That's fair, needs you to be mindful of the absolute ick you're getting me. Yeah, I do think talking to a therapist would be like great, because I think maybe you can have your own time to say what you need to say, put it out in the open, figure out where there's that misconnection, and then maybe go in like romantic dates, do things that y'all did before you had kids.

But I think the reason why it's lasted two point five years is because you've been keeping this to yourself. Clearly you're not sharing this. I think if you do open up, I don't I would not say the door that you thought about divorce, but like I would open up about the ick and like all of these things and just say like this is actually very serious and it's been like making me spiral and I kept it to myself.

But I think the reason why it's lasted two point five years is because you've been keeping this to yourself. Clearly you're not sharing this. I think if you do open up, I don't I would not say the door that you thought about divorce, but like I would open up about the ick and like all of these things and just say like this is actually very serious and it's been like making me spiral and I kept it to myself.

I really want to be open.

I really want to be open.

I love you and I love our life, and so I want to like figure this out. And I think if he's receptive to it, I think you can find a path to forward and if he rejects it and he gets very like negative and like down, then you have another path to go down.

I love you and I love our life, and so I want to like figure this out. And I think if he's receptive to it, I think you can find a path to forward and if he rejects it and he gets very like negative and like down, then you have another path to go down.

Well, I think it's natural for a human if Haley is like, hey, you're really giving me the ick for two point five years, like my feelings would be her and I'd be like I would probably have a defensive reaction. So I think there is a very specific way it needs to be delivered. And that's why I think if you did it with a therapist or a counselor there could be a someone to navigate the conversation.

Well, I think it's natural for a human if Haley is like, hey, you're really giving me the ick for two point five years, like my feelings would be her and I'd be like I would probably have a defensive reaction. So I think there is a very specific way it needs to be delivered. And that's why I think if you did it with a therapist or a counselor there could be a someone to navigate the conversation.

We all know delivery is not mine strength. My strength.

We all know delivery is not mine strength. My strength.

I think it'd be okay with divorce, But I think that's a grass is always greener situation.

I think it'd be okay with divorce, But I think that's a grass is always greener situation.

I think it's going to say too. I think you're going to get out there and you're going.

I think it's going to say too. I think you're going to get out there and you're going.

To be like accentral out there, and.

To be like accentral out there, and.

Then the kids are with him on the weekends and you're alone, and then you're seeing someone else starts being the mom to the kids when you're not around. You're not going to like any of that stuff, but she does.

Then the kids are with him on the weekends and you're alone, and then you're seeing someone else starts being the mom to the kids when you're not around. You're not going to like any of that stuff, but she does.

Then you've made the right decision.

Then you've made the right decision.

Yeah, if that sounds fine to you, Yeah, go for it, all right. This is from Taylor, longtime scrubber here still watching Gray's Anatomy and on season three of a current rewatch. The question of having kids has been weighing on me recently, and I feel like you always have some good perspectives and advice for me. I'm thirty three years old, i got married earlier this year, and I've always said I wanted kids, But now as it gets closer to becoming a reality, I'm questioning it. I'm not an overly baby loving person. If someone has a baby, I don't need to hold it necessarily. I'd rather be petting the dog at a party than interacting with a child. Will this make me a bad mom? Well? I like my own child. Do I have to love babies to want a baby? How do you have children and balance a career. I've spent so much of my left getting an education undergraduate PhD. I feel like I'm just getting into the groove of my career. I grew up at the stay at home mom and it was amazing. But how do I give up my career? Or what if my having kids makes me want to give up my career? Did I waste all that time at school? I'm also the breadwinner at this, so finance is weigh on me too, Tanya, you are very excited to have a baby. Do you worry about balancing your career that you also love? Becca, I don't remember where you stand on it for when you want to have kids, baby you can relate since you don't seem baby as baby enthusiastic as Tanya Mark. How did you and your wife decide when to have kids?

Yeah, if that sounds fine to you, Yeah, go for it, all right. This is from Taylor, longtime scrubber here still watching Gray's Anatomy and on season three of a current rewatch. The question of having kids has been weighing on me recently, and I feel like you always have some good perspectives and advice for me. I'm thirty three years old, i got married earlier this year, and I've always said I wanted kids, But now as it gets closer to becoming a reality, I'm questioning it. I'm not an overly baby loving person. If someone has a baby, I don't need to hold it necessarily. I'd rather be petting the dog at a party than interacting with a child. Will this make me a bad mom? Well? I like my own child. Do I have to love babies to want a baby? How do you have children and balance a career. I've spent so much of my left getting an education undergraduate PhD. I feel like I'm just getting into the groove of my career. I grew up at the stay at home mom and it was amazing. But how do I give up my career? Or what if my having kids makes me want to give up my career? Did I waste all that time at school? I'm also the breadwinner at this, so finance is weigh on me too, Tanya, you are very excited to have a baby. Do you worry about balancing your career that you also love? Becca, I don't remember where you stand on it for when you want to have kids, baby you can relate since you don't seem baby as baby enthusiastic as Tanya Mark. How did you and your wife decide when to have kids?

That's Taylor, It's lots of unpack here.

That's Taylor, It's lots of unpack here.

I don't I have read actually from Scrubbers in the Facebook group like this. I remember i Scrubber posted. I literally have felt like being a mom was my absolute purpose. All I wanted to do is be a mom, have kids. I've loved babies. I'm maternal, and I'm having the hardest time feeling like I am a good mom. And I think that no matter where you stand on where you if you love babies, if you love interacting with kids, I don't think that that's going to make you a good mom or a bad mom. I think when you have a child, it's going to be an obsessive love that you've never experienced. That's the one thing that's consistent when I ask people about kids is like it's a love like you've never had before. I'm very specific as what dogs I like, Like I'm very choosy, like I love all dogs. I love animals, but I'm very like which one am I going to interact with.

I don't I have read actually from Scrubbers in the Facebook group like this. I remember i Scrubber posted. I literally have felt like being a mom was my absolute purpose. All I wanted to do is be a mom, have kids. I've loved babies. I'm maternal, and I'm having the hardest time feeling like I am a good mom. And I think that no matter where you stand on where you if you love babies, if you love interacting with kids, I don't think that that's going to make you a good mom or a bad mom. I think when you have a child, it's going to be an obsessive love that you've never experienced. That's the one thing that's consistent when I ask people about kids is like it's a love like you've never had before. I'm very specific as what dogs I like, Like I'm very choosy, like I love all dogs. I love animals, but I'm very like which one am I going to interact with.

I'm obsessed with Phoebe. Phoebe's like can do no wrong.

I'm obsessed with Phoebe. Phoebe's like can do no wrong.

And I know I would be the same way with a child, but I also have my reservations about it. I'm very like torn on if or when I want to have kids, but I have a very natural maternal instinct. I love babies, Like if someone has a baby on a plane, it takes everything in me not to be like interact, wanting to interact.

And I know I would be the same way with a child, but I also have my reservations about it. I'm very like torn on if or when I want to have kids, but I have a very natural maternal instinct. I love babies, Like if someone has a baby on a plane, it takes everything in me not to be like interact, wanting to interact.

With the baby.

With the baby.

I love them. Yeah, and I love kids, and I know, like, honestly, Haley and I have talked about this that if we had kids, I think that she would get jealous because of the amount of attention I would get. I think it would be a very intense, really like love for me.

I love them. Yeah, and I love kids, and I know, like, honestly, Haley and I have talked about this that if we had kids, I think that she would get jealous because of the amount of attention I would get. I think it would be a very intense, really like love for me.

Yeah, Like I feel very strongly are you crying?

Yeah, Like I feel very strongly are you crying?

No, you can?

No, you can?

I really helpful of the podcast right now.

I really helpful of the podcast right now.

Emotional.

Emotional.

It's so interesting because I feel like I can totally relate to what you're saying. I've always I've known that I've always wanted to have kids from birth, Like I don't know, like I was. It was always something that I knew was in me, Like I just have always been. Like I love like I am like kind of a homemaker in a weird way, not really like I don't like cook and clean and like in that way.

It's so interesting because I feel like I can totally relate to what you're saying. I've always I've known that I've always wanted to have kids from birth, Like I don't know, like I was. It was always something that I knew was in me, Like I just have always been. Like I love like I am like kind of a homemaker in a weird way, not really like I don't like cook and clean and like in that way.

But I love like home. I love having like a cozy home. I love that.

But I love like home. I love having like a cozy home. I love that.

Like that making sense, Okay, However, the thing about the career is such an interesting thing because I feel like it's such a mind because I've talked to women in this specific industry, in the entertainment industry that have had children and going on maternity leave and and like, you go into this vortex of keeping this like child alive and like being so out of your day to day, and especially in the entertainment industry, it's very cutthroat.

Like that making sense, Okay, However, the thing about the career is such an interesting thing because I feel like it's such a mind because I've talked to women in this specific industry, in the entertainment industry that have had children and going on maternity leave and and like, you go into this vortex of keeping this like child alive and like being so out of your day to day, and especially in the entertainment industry, it's very cutthroat.

You're always made to.

You're always made to.

Feel like you need to watch your back and you need to say yes to everything because if you don't like, your job can get snagged in two seconds. And so we're always made to feel, especially as women, that we are replaceable, interchangeable, disposable. And so when you go on maternity leave and then you come back. It's just like it's so hard. It's really really hard. And I don't think enough women that work in the entertainment industry especially, and imagine it's like this in every industry. This is the only thing that I know because that's what I'm in. But it's very hard, and I think it stops a lot of women from having kids because they're scared to step away from their positions. So it is definitely something that I've thought about, but it doesn't it's that doesn't outweigh me wanting to have a baby, you know, like I would never not have a baby because I'm fearful of my job, and so that's kind of where I stand on that. But it is interesting because I do feel like I have conversations with Robbie about it all the time because I'm like, it does shift the dynamic because that's you know, like the kids that we have now are ten and twelve. We don't have to shower that, you know, we just have to like think, you know what I mean, Like it's just a totally different dynamic. And so when like I just feel like it's gonna shift things a lot, and I'm like trying to like prepare for it as much as possible ahead of time, because I just feel like it is a big shift.

Feel like you need to watch your back and you need to say yes to everything because if you don't like, your job can get snagged in two seconds. And so we're always made to feel, especially as women, that we are replaceable, interchangeable, disposable. And so when you go on maternity leave and then you come back. It's just like it's so hard. It's really really hard. And I don't think enough women that work in the entertainment industry especially, and imagine it's like this in every industry. This is the only thing that I know because that's what I'm in. But it's very hard, and I think it stops a lot of women from having kids because they're scared to step away from their positions. So it is definitely something that I've thought about, but it doesn't it's that doesn't outweigh me wanting to have a baby, you know, like I would never not have a baby because I'm fearful of my job, and so that's kind of where I stand on that. But it is interesting because I do feel like I have conversations with Robbie about it all the time because I'm like, it does shift the dynamic because that's you know, like the kids that we have now are ten and twelve. We don't have to shower that, you know, we just have to like think, you know what I mean, Like it's just a totally different dynamic. And so when like I just feel like it's gonna shift things a lot, and I'm like trying to like prepare for it as much as possible ahead of time, because I just feel like it is a big shift.

Yeah, to answer the question to me, we you know, we're traditional, I guess you know, we kind of. I think Amy was a little lukewarmon kids, a little unsure. I guess I should say when we first got marricause she was very young. But then it just she she approached me. I remember her saying it's time to start trying. It was like, oh, I hadn't even really thought about that. Okay, yeah, great, let's let's do that. Because it was always so oft in the future somewhere and then and then we were very fortunate. We had two wonderful daughters. And like saying, like Becka alluded to, you think you have a pretty good idea right now what love feels like, but you really don't. You have no idea what love feels like until you're holding that child in your arm. So I think you would like your child. I think you'd be a great mom, and nothing that you've told us and indicates otherwise. But it's such a personal decision and I don't think anybody should be pressured into it because it's twenty twenty four, and they're both sides of that coin. If you want your career and your child, you can have that. The other side of the coin is if you don't want to do this, you don't have to do this, and it's just fine.

Yeah, to answer the question to me, we you know, we're traditional, I guess you know, we kind of. I think Amy was a little lukewarmon kids, a little unsure. I guess I should say when we first got marricause she was very young. But then it just she she approached me. I remember her saying it's time to start trying. It was like, oh, I hadn't even really thought about that. Okay, yeah, great, let's let's do that. Because it was always so oft in the future somewhere and then and then we were very fortunate. We had two wonderful daughters. And like saying, like Becka alluded to, you think you have a pretty good idea right now what love feels like, but you really don't. You have no idea what love feels like until you're holding that child in your arm. So I think you would like your child. I think you'd be a great mom, and nothing that you've told us and indicates otherwise. But it's such a personal decision and I don't think anybody should be pressured into it because it's twenty twenty four, and they're both sides of that coin. If you want your career and your child, you can have that. The other side of the coin is if you don't want to do this, you don't have to do this, and it's just fine.

So I also think not wanting to hold other people's babies is not an indication, not at all that you shouldn't be a mom, because I mean, I like babies, but like, I don't need to hold every baby.

So I also think not wanting to hold other people's babies is not an indication, not at all that you shouldn't be a mom, because I mean, I like babies, but like, I don't need to hold every baby.

My thing was always there's no upside to me holding a baby. There's only tragic downside. So I'm just gonna leave it be.

My thing was always there's no upside to me holding a baby. There's only tragic downside. So I'm just gonna leave it be.

See, I'm the opposite babies. I'm like, any baby, hit me, any baby. It's when they get to be a kid that I'm like, I'm very selective.

See, I'm the opposite babies. I'm like, any baby, hit me, any baby. It's when they get to be a kid that I'm like, I'm very selective.

That's my issue.

That's my issue.

I'm like, I would have it have to be my own because I'd be like kids can be like the germs and stuff.

I'm like, I would have it have to be my own because I'd be like kids can be like the germs and stuff.

No, no, no, germs were hard for me. Yeah, germs were hard.

No, no, no, germs were hard for me. Yeah, germs were hard.

The germs the like wow, from living in a museum and the apartment museum where nothing gets touched, everything is clean and its place, to having two children that like, yeah, are constantly having some sickness back and forth and bringing it from school and.

The germs the like wow, from living in a museum and the apartment museum where nothing gets touched, everything is clean and its place, to having two children that like, yeah, are constantly having some sickness back and forth and bringing it from school and.

Yeah, it's it's it's it's a it's a shift.

Yeah, it's it's it's it's a it's a shift.

But I'm very with you on Taylor. I'm very with you because I thought my whole life I would be married with kids by twenty five. My life has gone in a very direct different direction in like the best way. But I think that it's hard because there is an age pressure that you have to consider and it's so annoying.

But I'm very with you on Taylor. I'm very with you because I thought my whole life I would be married with kids by twenty five. My life has gone in a very direct different direction in like the best way. But I think that it's hard because there is an age pressure that you have to consider and it's so annoying.

But it is men just like ejaculate whenever it's fine and women.

But it is men just like ejaculate whenever it's fine and women.

Men just like get to like have pleasure and then it's like okay, yeah, anyways.

Men just like get to like have pleasure and then it's like okay, yeah, anyways.

You're right, even like during the whole IVF process. I again, I'm not going to speak out of out of because I haven't done it myself, but from what I have heard, it's very hard on the woman. You have to do so much, You're putting so much in your body, and the man just like pleasures himself.

You're right, even like during the whole IVF process. I again, I'm not going to speak out of out of because I haven't done it myself, but from what I have heard, it's very hard on the woman. You have to do so much, You're putting so much in your body, and the man just like pleasures himself.

Into a cup.

Into a cup.

Like what Yeah, that's for another that's another fun for another day, another book.

Like what Yeah, that's for another that's another fun for another day, another book.

Uh, before before we go to break, we have another thought starter. Oh we like to end the Dear BONDI is with a thought starter and we have one for us coming up involves a Wife Swap. All right, this is from Courtney. This is fun. If you remember the reality show from the way back when Wife Swap, two couples with swap partners for a week or so lived together. If Tanya and Becca swapt partners for a week, obviously in a non romantic, non sexual way, Robbie lived with Tanya, Haley live with Sorry, Robbie live with Becca, Haley live with Tanya. What do they think it would be like? What would they do together? What would they eat for meals? What would annoy them about the other person? What would they fight about? What would they enjoy? Basically, how do they think it would go if they had to live with each other's partner for a week straight? Thank you for so many laughs over the years.

Uh, before before we go to break, we have another thought starter. Oh we like to end the Dear BONDI is with a thought starter and we have one for us coming up involves a Wife Swap. All right, this is from Courtney. This is fun. If you remember the reality show from the way back when Wife Swap, two couples with swap partners for a week or so lived together. If Tanya and Becca swapt partners for a week, obviously in a non romantic, non sexual way, Robbie lived with Tanya, Haley live with Sorry, Robbie live with Becca, Haley live with Tanya. What do they think it would be like? What would they do together? What would they eat for meals? What would annoy them about the other person? What would they fight about? What would they enjoy? Basically, how do they think it would go if they had to live with each other's partner for a week straight? Thank you for so many laughs over the years.

Who should we start with? Me and Haley?

Who should we start with? Me and Haley?

Yeah, Haley seems to work a lot, so I think i'd be lonely. Yeah, like I need her for every meal.

Yeah, Haley seems to work a lot, so I think i'd be lonely. Yeah, like I need her for every meal.

We're both pretty like needy for conversations and stuff. So I think when she got home she would really have a lot of y'all eat like she would be happy to eat, like healthy.

We're both pretty like needy for conversations and stuff. So I think when she got home she would really have a lot of y'all eat like she would be happy to eat, like healthy.

Food meals we would have together for you, Sure.

Food meals we would have together for you, Sure.

I would have some home cooked meals and.

I would have some home cooked meals and.

Enjoy watching the same shows.

Enjoy watching the same shows.

I don't think so, Like she doesn't like Love Island. She would probably like Survivor, though, I think she'd be into Survivor.

I don't think so, Like she doesn't like Love Island. She would probably like Survivor, though, I think she'd be into Survivor.

Okay, so I think I don't be pretty.

Okay, so I think I don't be pretty.

Yeah, I think her messiness would annoy me a little bit.

Yeah, I think her messiness would annoy me a little bit.

Yes, I agree, So you'd fight about that.

Yes, I agree, So you'd fight about that.

We probably find about the kind of messiness of their clothes left around and shoes, Like Tiny's complaining about Robbie leaving your shoes.

We probably find about the kind of messiness of their clothes left around and shoes, Like Tiny's complaining about Robbie leaving your shoes.

Yeah, Like she leaves her shoes at the like there's like three and if there's one pair, she's like, oh, those are the shoes on word of Mars, I'm like whatever. But when there's three pairs, I'm like, well, which which three are you? Which of the three? What about the other two?

Yeah, Like she leaves her shoes at the like there's like three and if there's one pair, she's like, oh, those are the shoes on word of Mars, I'm like whatever. But when there's three pairs, I'm like, well, which which three are you? Which of the three? What about the other two?

And where where does she leave the ones for tomorrow? By the door?

And where where does she leave the ones for tomorrow? By the door?

Yeah? Right by the door.

Yeah? Right by the door.

And sometimes there's three by the door. Yeah yeah wow.

And sometimes there's three by the door. Yeah yeah wow.

And like sometimes it's like boots so they're not small little wow.

And like sometimes it's like boots so they're not small little wow.

You know.

You know.

Yeah, I'm messy too.

Yeah, I'm messy too.

I mean I I say stuff sometimes where it's like if people are my biggest thing is if people are coming over, she's the one who invited them. I'm like, then let's pick up the space because I want it to be presentable if someone's coming over. I get stressed if someone comes over, like unannounced and like the house is a mess, But I also am fine living who's.

I mean I I say stuff sometimes where it's like if people are my biggest thing is if people are coming over, she's the one who invited them. I'm like, then let's pick up the space because I want it to be presentable if someone's coming over. I get stressed if someone comes over, like unannounced and like the house is a mess, But I also am fine living who's.

Coming over and announced? These days? Is that a thing that happens because it used to be a thing that happened, generation.

Coming over and announced? These days? Is that a thing that happens because it used to be a thing that happened, generation.

Happens sometimes be surprised. Okay, So yeah, I think that would be fine. She might be like Tanya, like won't stop.

Happens sometimes be surprised. Okay, So yeah, I think that would be fine. She might be like Tanya, like won't stop.

Talking, but like Haley won't stop talking.

Talking, but like Haley won't stop talking.

Yeah, I could go either way. I think Robbie and I would be I think we have a great time.

Yeah, I could go either way. I think Robbie and I would be I think we have a great time.

I feel like we guys might want to consider this, honestly.

I feel like we guys might want to consider this, honestly.

Ball the basketball.

Ball the basketball.

Yeah, he would enjoy it. He would enjoy the activities that you've partake in.

Yeah, he would enjoy it. He would enjoy the activities that you've partake in.

No, he grills. Girl, may have some shrimp and steak.

No, he grills. Girl, may have some shrimp and steak.

You'd be fine, like a king, Yeah I do.

You'd be fine, like a king, Yeah I do.

I will say that is one trade at time.

I will say that is one trade at time.

Would get a little dicey because I feel like he will go to sleep early and I'm a little more of a night out. But that's okay. I'm chilling down on the couch.

Would get a little dicey because I feel like he will go to sleep early and I'm a little more of a night out. But that's okay. I'm chilling down on the couch.

So yeah, I.

So yeah, I.

Could go play football with the boys. Like, yeah, I feel like we'd be great. Let me know if you want to.

Could go play football with the boys. Like, yeah, I feel like we'd be great. Let me know if you want to.

Is there anything you get annoyed. I know he's pretty clean. He might get annoyed about your with your like not cleanly.

Is there anything you get annoyed. I know he's pretty clean. He might get annoyed about your with your like not cleanly.

I'd be on my best behavior.

I'd be on my best behavior.

Okay, okay, well that's good.

Okay, okay, well that's good.

Yeah, but he.

Yeah, but he.

Does leave his shoes everywhere. She brought this up.

Does leave his shoes everywhere. She brought this up.

That's my thing.

That's my thing.

Though I'm more messy, like I do the dishes. I might clean in the sense that, like I wipe down the counters every time, like it's more just stuff, you know.

Though I'm more messy, like I do the dishes. I might clean in the sense that, like I wipe down the counters every time, like it's more just stuff, you know.

I realized with that I need to be more appreciative of how far we have come with Robbie and myself, you know, come a long way from day one, where I will never forget the first time I entered his home and it was like a weekend that he had the kids, and there were dishes literally piled all over, Like there was not one piece of the kitchen counter that you could see because there was just dishes. And I will never forget that.

I realized with that I need to be more appreciative of how far we have come with Robbie and myself, you know, come a long way from day one, where I will never forget the first time I entered his home and it was like a weekend that he had the kids, and there were dishes literally piled all over, Like there was not one piece of the kitchen counter that you could see because there was just dishes. And I will never forget that.

Yeah, that's jarring.

Yeah, that's jarring.

Yes, it was jarring.

Yes, it was jarring.

And we have come a long way because it was basically a bachelor pad at that point.

And we have come a long way because it was basically a bachelor pad at that point.

Yeah, and it's so funny.

Yeah, and it's so funny.

I remember the first weekend I like went on a trip without him, and I left him at home with the kids one weekend and I was like, I'm just going to say this because I don't want to come home on Sunday and like be angry. I'm very anxious that you're just going to leave all the dishes in the sink because you know, like I think he does it because I'm around and we help. You know, we both pitch in and we both do it. But if I'm not around, I can just see it all stack.

I remember the first weekend I like went on a trip without him, and I left him at home with the kids one weekend and I was like, I'm just going to say this because I don't want to come home on Sunday and like be angry. I'm very anxious that you're just going to leave all the dishes in the sink because you know, like I think he does it because I'm around and we help. You know, we both pitch in and we both do it. But if I'm not around, I can just see it all stack.

And he has a dishwasher, I assume.

And he has a dishwasher, I assume.

Yes, we don't really use it though, Ah.

Yes, we don't really use it though, Ah.

I know, I know, I know have a thing dish washers thing too.

I know, I know, I know have a thing dish washers thing too.

Yeah, I don't think it gets it clean as.

Yeah, I don't think it gets it clean as.

Clean hand clean.

Clean hand clean.

Oh that's interesting.

Oh that's interesting.

It's not as clean as my hand.

It's not as clean as my hand.

You don't know that. And then and if they tested it, it's probably not the case.

You don't know that. And then and if they tested it, it's probably not the case.

I'm pretty thorough with my cleaning me too.

I'm pretty thorough with my cleaning me too.

I'd rather a really nice clean thing that I'm going to eat out of than like it running through some water.

I'd rather a really nice clean thing that I'm going to eat out of than like it running through some water.

I don't think it's just running through water. I think there's a process and there's a heat involved that kills a lot of bacteria that you're not going to.