Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya RadHayley is off on tour and Becca has lost her mojo. She opens up about her struggle to find things she loves to do when she’s home alone, and it sparks a conversation about independence after you find someone you love.
Becca shares her wild story on the Texas highways, and why you can (sometimes) rely on the kindness of strangers.
Plus, Tanya gets vulnerable about a moment recently that brought her back to the early days of her career, and she reveals the mindset that helped her overcome those obstacles!
Tanya Ready, Ready, Baca ready, I'm ready Easton Ready Ready, Hanah Ready. Here we go.
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rad An iHeartRadio podcast. Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in, scrubbing in.
Can you hear me?
Yes, I've been having some issues with my sounds, but I'm back to normal.
Good.
Yeah, happy to hear it. How you doing, I'm doing okay. How are you doing?
I'm doing okay as well.
Yeah?
Why are we both just okay? Should we get into that?
I'd like to get into why you're just okay?
Well, I am just okay because I don't know. I've just had I've been having a couple of hard weeks. I think that I I mean, I I had a hard I have a.
Hard time when Haley's gone.
But I think that there's deeper rooted stuff that I'm like navigating, and her being.
Gone just like.
Exacerbates it makes it. I don't think exactly is.
That right to create?
Thank you?
Thank you?
It magnifies that those feelings of like what I'm navigating, and it's like deeper stuff that I'm like navigating with my therapist. But I think the main part is that there's a part of me and I don't know. Maybe you guys can help me if y'all have experienced this, since you're both married and in long term relationships. I feel like there's a part of me that started that. My whole life, I have been so independent, like I have been so okay on my own. I loved being home alone. I longed for a long distance relationship because I liked my space.
Right, that was the most shocking of everything.
Right, So I think somewhere along the way being a relationship and falling in love for the first time, I feel like I've lost a little bit of like myself and my independence and like and so then when Haley's here, it's great because I have that comfort of my person being here. But when she leaves what she with her job that's common, I feel very almost.
Like what do I do without her? Or like what do I do with my time?
Or like what do I you know, Like I almost am like, wait, what do I love to do by myself? And like why why did I lose that sense of like independence? And as it's nothing that she did or anything to do with her, it's more like me, like where or why did that happen. So I was curious, as y'all have, if you ever felt that feeling of like dependence or codependency or what or no.
Yes, I have, And I do fight that, and I do find that when my wife is out of town with the kids, so I'm home alone, and that's happened more lately because of dance and colleges and all kinds of crazy stuff. So when I'm home alone for a weekend, I feel like I'm house sitting. Like I don't feel like I'm in my own home. I feel like I'm I'm just you know, I got to keep things in order, keep things clean. I'm like, oh, there's nobody here and it's just me, and it feels like I'm in somebody else's house. Yeah, And when they're there, it feels like home, you know, And so they're gone and so it feels weird. But I do fight that, and I do get into the stuff that I enjoy, uh huh, like watching baseball or you know, I go on long hikes and stuff like.
That, like things that you want to do when they're normally there.
But I think becca yours is unique in the fact that, like, yes, people leave for like a few days or a week, right, it's not You're not having to fill months of your time, right, yeah, weeks and weeks, you know, Like I think in normal relationship, well I would say normal in typical relationships, somebody leaves for maybe a few days, even a.
Week, even a week.
Yeah, but you're what you're going through I think is unique to you because of the circumstance.
It's a very unique situation. But yeah, do you have do you feel that when you're not with Alison?
Like I am without Alison very infrequently. She comes with me on work trips.
It's true.
Yeah, it's great. Yeah, and I love it so, but I also I like being alone and I get and I get a lot of that time.
Yeah.
Still, you know, like so, I don't know, I'm just thinking in your situation, it seems like you just swung the other the pendulum just went the other way, right.
Right, Yeah, I don't know.
Is it like a defense mechanism thing, like you're you know, now that you have this thing, you're afraid of losing it, even though you were fine without it before.
That's what That's what.
That's also what I've been thinking about, is like so before we before I met Hayley, and then when we met, she was on tour, so like that was all we knew for a little bit. And then I feel like with the pandemic and like all these things happening in between, like the time we met and now there was time where we were like always together and we got used to being together. And then I also think there is something to the fear of like, Okay, I see my future, Like I officially feel like I'm I finally let myself feel like Okay, I see my future with this person, and the fear of losing that almost feels heavier.
So it feels like, oh, I need to like protect myself, you know.
But anyways, it feels like there's a sense of like independence lost and like me needing to find because obviously I'm gonna miss her. Like I don't think that there's anything I could do. I don't think there's any growth or self help I could do that would eliminate the feeling of missing her while she's gone. But I do think there's a sense of being able to find and do those things that I loved doing alone, like why with my friends.
Because now it seems like whatever you come up with doing you're like, oh, I'd rather do that.
Right, No, that's the thing. But like, I but is that what it's supposed to be.
Like but not necessarily like don't you like you like to like binge TV shows?
Not really? I kind of amount of that phase in my life.
Oh really, Yeah, I get bored, but you know I have a thing for like weekly airing shows.
You know, I prefer that anyways.
Even that I'm like, I'd rather be doing it with Haley, Like I think I.
Like you like sitting home and enjoying TV.
No, I'm out of that really.
Yeah, but I think that I blame TikTok for that because I think that I'm more short term entertainment on TikTok is just gone.
It's gone forever.
Well not forever, but as long as I have TikTok, it's gonna be preferred to like sticking around for like a love island. But my whole point is that I feel like it's such a conflicting thing to open your heart to love and give yourself to a relationship and be so content with someone and then also be able to have that independence of being like I know, like in my head, I know I'm okay, I was okay before I met Haley. I can be okay while she's gone and miss her and support her and also take care of myself. But instead I'm like crippled with anxiety and like am not sleeping and mentally unwell.
But it's not I don't think you fear you're gonna lose her. I just you just miss her.
Yeah yeah, yeah, but I think subconscious there's something in my head that's like you could lose her, which you could. I mean you could lose everyone, yeah, right, but I think there's been loss in other areas in my life where I feel like it's like I didn't think I would lose certain things from people, So in my mind I feel like, well, she could do the same to me.
So I almost am like on this like defensive.
Yeah, I go to on that dark path too.
Yeah, I mean how do you feel?
I mean, do you feel like if if Robbie went out of town for like months at a time, that you would feel like yourself?
I would hate it. I don't. I prefer him being everywhere. I really do.
Yeah, me too, it's so frustrating, it's not.
But I would not like break up with him because he needed to. Like what I'm saying, I would.
Not like this is not really even about Hailey. This is more about me, like self introspection, being like.
Becca, what do you love? What do you want to do?
What do you want to accomplish? Like what do you want to do without needing Haley to be there with you?
Yeah?
You know because in my mind, I'm like, oh, like go travel places, and I'm like, but I don't want to travel somewhere that I've never been without her.
It is interesting because I think the only time I experienced this was a week Robbie took the Robbie went skiing with the kids, and I stayed home. I can't remember why exactly I stayed.
Back, but you were working on your book.
Oh yeah, I chose not to go on the trip. And that was the longest I haven't been with him in a while. And I just filled my time like I filled that time like it was wake up, work out, come home, shower, Uh, do book stuff, do more book stuff, do more book stuff, clean the house, organized closets, Like there's all these things I feel like that I always I have on my to do list, and I just started doing them. Yeah, that's kind of what I did for that week. I just so I should write a book. Well, not necessarily that, but like, if there's something you want to do around your house, organize lause it, or if there's something you want to do in your backyard, or if there's something like anything, get to the to do list. Now.
Yeah, that's good advice, But I also.
Don't think what I did was necessarily healthy. I like filled every every hour of my day with stuff.
I mean, yeah, my ideal situation would be to have most of it filled, but then be at a place where I'm okay, at home alone with my thoughts. That hasn't been the safe space for me lately, so I would like to get back to that because I was so comfortable alone.
I was too comfortable alone.
But I feel like you can't reverse it.
That's what I'm saying. You can't. Once you experience that, you can't. So to those who haven't fallen in love yet, I don't enjoy yet.
Well, what works for me is a routine, and that works for me every day. You know, I'm a creature of routine. Yeah, when my family's gone for the weekend, I have every minute of every day planned.
Out right, but I do the same not alone with my healthy either.
Okay, well maybe, but that's another thing is that with my job, my job is not like a routine type job, like my days are always different.
I get to choose a lot like how I spend my time.
And I think, even though my job is amazing and I'm so grateful for the freedom to do whatever i want, sometimes it's almost like overwhelming to me because I'm like, I don't have something distracting.
Me at all time.
Times of like, yeah, it's a distractions.
I don't think that's a negative thing, be distracted.
You know what, Well, clearly I don't either. Could I do it, but I do think there's a part of it that's not healthy. Maybe you could do all your doctor's appointments.
I did do my checkup because there's I do need to do a dentist's siest, your.
Regular doctor to get your blood work.
To do all that. Thank you so much.
Actually, I was looking into maybe getting my blood work checked out because I can't. Maybe there's like a hormonal balance happening without me noticing that.
Is I think that is good advice, just to get stuff downe that you need to get an oil change. You know, there's just stuff that you.
Got to do, and all the stuff that you put in the back burner of like your to do list, because they're not like, yeah, what's the word I'm looking for? Timely? Yeah, sure, time sensitive? Just get those done, all right?
So I'll do those next week. What about the next three weeks?
Is there anything you like to do that Hayley doesn't No, because, like I just realized, I've never been in my home that I live in now we live there for almost six years. I've never been there alone. Wow, Like Allison's been with Every single night I've spent that house has been with Allison. She hasn't been out of town with Like, she hasn't gone somewhere overnight without me in years. I go out of time for work all the time. But when she's gone, I eat garbage, Baby, I just eat straight up garbage. And that's what I look forward to. And she knows about this. I look forward to it. Like if she's having like dinner with a friend, I'm like, oh, rand table pizza, here we go. That's literally the only thing that is the only thing, yeah, that I look forward to doing. You can't do You can't just eat garbage all the time.
I don't know what I.
Would I do eat garbage all the time?
You want what you want to start learning how to cook? You could start cooking more.
Y Yeah, hmm, yeah, there's there's a lot of things. Oh So my therapist told me, she was like, I want you to write down a list of a hundred things you want.
And my mind felt like overwhelmed.
But I've been thinking about it and she's like, it can be any like, it can be even if it feels unatateed like crazy, I want to mansion with a big yard.
Like she's like, just write it down.
Well, do mansion one big yard too, because you've got a hundred to fill out, separate.
Fresh grab But I think, like the more I'm like realizing those things where I think, like, oh, what do I want? Because at first I felt I was like a hundred things that I want, But I think I'm gonna be able to do it.
And also a thing too. You can create structure in your day depending on all these things that you want to get done. So let's say you have doctor's appointments. Let's write down all the doctors appointments and let's start sprinkling those in, right, then you can create your day around each of those. Cooking you want to start cooking, let's find recipes and start plotting out your weeks with what you're gonna do. You have to grocery shop, so that also takes time mm hmm. Then perhaps you want to start working out a little bit more. You can plan your workouts according to like that structure of your doctor's appointments and your meal preps.
Yeah, so just just getting some things on a schedule.
Yeah, I do think schedule a schedule would do you well?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, do me right.
Yeah.
So yeah, that's a little bit about me and uh why I've just been okay, I think that there's a little element of like wanting to get my mojo back.
I get it, you know, I understand what you're saying because I also too, I find myself getting in that place.
Of complacency, not.
Complacency, dependency, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, dependency. And it's like because I feel the same way I love I love Robbie being everywhere like I love him doing everything with me, And there is there's that little like thing in the back of the ear of my head that's like fearful of that for some reason, like why, like why can't I just do I can do stuff alone And it doesn't mean like I can, but I don't want to. Yes, And I find myself getting freaked out about that too. But I'm not dependent on him, but there is some sort of something there.
That's what I'm saying.
I don't necessarily, I do feel like I've become more dependent on Hailey than I ever thought I would be in a relationship. But I think it's more that there's other stuff going on and coming up for me that I'm navigating outside of my relationship with Haley, and she's my comfort person, so she's not here to just sit with me on the couch even if we're not doing anything important, you know. So I think it's a little bit of that as well. But it's fine, We're gonna we'll be fine. I'll be fine. I just am like, I don't want this month to be Like, do you have.
Plans to go see her on tour? You're like, yeah, I.
Think i'll probably.
I mean, we try not to go longer than two weeks without seeing each other. So I think the Denver show where my little sister lives in Denver, so I was gonna try to go that one. I think that's like right at two weeks from when she leaves, so that'll be good, and then.
Maybe like another one.
That's okay, it's good to have something to look forward to.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So anyways, teas and peas, not some prayers.
And or you telling me to take a break. I know what that man.
Okay, we'll be right back with my Tanya's just okay, all right, Well, we spent the whole first half of the episode talking about my mental health issues.
So what's going on with you?
Yeah, I had some mental health issues myself this week. I'd like to preface it by saying that I am my liutial end of my liudial phase pre menstrual phase, so that I'm really low energy, like I could I could literally fall asleep right now, okay, and I'm emotional, like really emotional.
Okay.
So last week there was this thread in the Facebook group that was like going on and on and on about the premise of it was wanting to hear more from Becca. But as I continue to read through the thread, there was all this like really triggering words about me and how my personality is too much and I'm too overbearing and I'm to this and that like takes me back to the days of my work. I don't maybe you should believe his name.
We can believe his name just because you know, yeah, but this triggering feeling of when I started out in my career of this important person at the company who would say these things about me and my personality.
And it was like really really damaging to me when I started, because it was just so hurtful, you know, because it's like about you and it's about me, and so it really kind of like brought me back to that place and I went so dark. Whatever day, I can't remember what day it was that I was reading it all, and I was like, I don't want to do the podcast on Monday. I like, just because I don't really care about internet trolls, but like this Facebook group is like those are my people, you know what I mean? Like that, so that I think that's why I took it so hard anyway, So I was like, I text me back. I was like, I don't do the podcast on Monday, and like all this stuff, and like Robbie sat down and gave me this speech and it was like so sweet, and he was like he could use like a Kobe Bryant analogy, not familiar with like his work, but the analogy made sense because he was like he was like trying to explain to me the overarching theme of it, which was wanting Becka to share more and open up more. And he was like Kobe Bryant and used to get a lot of heat in his day because the people would criticize him that he was always shooting the ball, like he was always shooting the ball and he wasn't passing. Are you familiar with this?
Okay?
And so because he was getting so much heat for it, he did not shoot any balls for like a long period of time. He would just pass past, constantly passed to his teammates. And he was doing this interview, which I guess is what Robbie was talking about, and he says he regrets so much that portion of his career that he listened to what other people thought and just passed the ball and he didn't do what was instinctually like right for him or whatever. And he was saying how he really regretted that, and he was like, don't he's like show up, do the podcast, like don't do don't be different, don't dim anything, just be you. And it made me so it was like such a sweet analogy because like, hey, I don't it really like actually resonated with me. I never thought i'd resonate with like a sports analogy. You are your sports, yeah, sortinly, yeah, but more hockey than anything.
Oh yeah, basketball for me.
Yeah it was for a minute, but girls basketball, right right, But yeah, I don't know. So it was like that pep talk, and I guess that's what I can relate Twitter saying that Hayley is like your comfort because I really was like really really sad that day, Like I was having like an emotional rollercoaster, and at the end of the day, he like gives me this pep talk and like it didn't necessarily make me, you know, I wasn't like yeah, but it really did make me, like comforted me in such a way. And I was like, he's right, I just need to like take the note and just like move forward and keep doing keep doing me. So anyways, that was that, and then I just kind of chilled, like I kind of just wanted to just like chill and I was like not, Yeah, I was just kind of bummed over the weekend.
Yeah, I think that sometimes, like especially before I shared my relationship. Well, first of all, I'm sorry that you had to read those things, because like, regardless.
Of who you are or what.
Where it's coming from, words hurt, especially when it's from such a special place. Like I said, it's not like these are like random internet trolls.
But I do understand because I feel like there was a point where and I don't remember when, but I remember when you first started, when you were dating Haley, and you were really kind of coming into a shell and you didn't want to share anything, and I remember I tried to overcompensate, so I was just like blabbing, like I was just like because I was trying to like I knew what you were going through, yes, And so I think I just stuck in that mentality of just like blah blah, you know what I mean, And I did. I did notice it a while ago. I was like, I do need to like chill a little bit. I get overexcited, and like, I do get it. So I did get that point a while ago.
But this was just like I think, also, our personalities are very different in the sense that I am an overthinker with everything I share. So when I'm telling a story, if I feel like there's no interest or like there's not really any follow up, I just will stop talking, like I don't even think about twice about it.
And that's and I think I know too much, and so I get debilitated because I don't want to like, I know what you're saying, but I know the listeners don't know what you're saying. So then I don't want to ask it because I don't want to put you in that position because I feel like you're not sharing it for a reason.
And then sometimes, you know, sometimes there's conversations where I'm like, oh, I want to talk about this, and if there's no interest from it, it is, you know, the conversation kind of dies. But I also think there's a personality just like we're opposites.
And there was a long time where I didn't share a lot.
There was a lot of that I didn't feel safe or like I wasn't ready to share. So I think you did have to take the lead on a lot of the conversations because I wasn't talking, you know, So I think I I I know where I can also speak up more and stand up and even if like it comes down to me having a conversation something that I do want to talk about further than what I say, be able to be like wait, wait, wait, I want to go back to that you know yeah, and just be able to speak up more because sometimes, I mean, I come from a big family.
I was always kind of the more quiet, reserved one.
I've always been that way, so I think sometimes it's natural for me to just like go inward and you know yeah, And I think that you're able to pick up the slack a lot of the times when I'm in that position. So listen, you're amazing. The reason why our podcast is amazing is because of our dynamic. And I don't ever want you to feel shut down because there's a hard time or no, I'm way too fragile for it too.
I too, I'm so preperiod it's like coming any second now.
But it's true.
I mean, I think what we have is so special and I think that if it's a place where we find more of a balance and that that also comes for me too. So I never want you to feel shut down or feel like you're too much because people love you for your personality and your excitement and your passion. So don't ever like feel like you have to dim who you are, shut down or you, or like I don't want to do the podcast because this podcast is what it is because of you.
It wasn't like I don't want to do it today.
Yeah, yeah, I get it.
I probably wouldn't have.
I probably would have been like I'm out week three. Ye. So but I think it's important we address it because I think, you know, sometimes I do think sometimes, And I didn't read a lot of the comments because I got I honestly felt upset for you and knew that it was hard for you. But I think the original post I didn't feel like it was like hateful or anything. I think it was more just like, hey, we want to Becca, you know from Becca. But that's also on me again, So I'll start talking more and if y'all don't like my stories, then you can tell tell me on the.
Facebook group.
Did you that the day that this happened, I actually posted this meme It's like a double toilet, and I tagged you and Robbie and said, like, this feels like Tanya's dream or something.
I have the idea for Tanya and Robbie.
I would love this, not because of the pooping stuff, but like just in general, I feel like having two toilets is so beneficial, Like we only have two toilets in the whole house, and there's four of us, and sometimes we come home, like we all have to go to the bathroom, but.
You don't want to connected toilets like to fine, have separate toilets the.
Way that those are a positioned to so fuck, like you're just doing your own thing.
I would use this, I would, I would use this. I'd buy this tomorrow.
No, because I don't.
This is your yearine smell after which is how often I mean.
Well, then we did discuss Robbie can't smell, so he's yeah.
It's really such a blessing from the Lord.
I didn't talk.
About this, and this was a big thing that happened while I was gone. But this is mostly a story for Mark just to get his reaction. So I rented a car while I was in I was like in Dallas and then Shreveport, Louisiana, which is my hometown, and I was on my way home to Dallas and not home. I was on my way back to Dallas and I was staying with a friend and I had to return my rental car to the airport and then uber to my friend's house. It was just like I did a lot to do and I I was on the phone with Haley and we were having kind of like a serious conversation, and she was in Europe, so like the time difference.
It was like, I if I pull.
Over and get gas when my gas like came on, I'm gonna have to hang up. And we're kind of like in this serious conversation and I'm like, I know how long I have and I'll wait till I see like a safe gas station exit. You know. Well, I'm I swear this happened faster than my car goes.
Because it's incredible.
So my car starts to just shut down and I'm like oh no, no, no, no, no, no no, And Haley's like what And I'm like I'm running out of gas and she's like, well, just like pull over, wait till you get to nextit, like get in the right lane and just pull off when you see an nextit. I'm like no, Like, my the car is stopping and she's like, are you kidding?
She's like where are you.
And I'm like, I'm on the Interstate and she's like, well, what are you gonna do? So I like veered off and there was like there was this weird road in between the interstate and then the service road and it just happened to be right where I needed it to be, and so I pull off and so I'm not in like the crazy busy part, but I'm for sure out of gas. Like the car just stops and so I'm like, Haley, I'm gonna have to I'll talk to you tomorrow go to sleep. And she's like I'm not what are you gonna do? And I'm like She goes call Triple A and I'm like, I don't have Triple A. So at that time, my friend Laura, who's been my best friend since high school. She lives in Louisiana, in my hometown. She texted me and asked how my sister's baby shower was and I was like it was great. Do you have Triple A. She's like why, and I go, well, I might have run out of gas.
Yeah, and she goes where are you.
And I was like, I'm in the middle of nowhere, Texas And she goes, I'm in Tyler, Texas. Will you send me your location and let me see how far you are from me? So I send her my location. She's like, I'm thirty minutes for me. I'm coming to get you. Wow, And that is crazy. What are the chances? She was there for her nephew's soccer tournament. And so I'm just like sitting in my car waiting for her to show up. She comes, I get in the car with her and we're like lat you know. She like, no, She's known me for a long time, Like this is very own brand for me. And we go and we get by like a five gallon gas can, fill it up and I go to put it in the car and it's spilling everywhere, Like I have gas on my arm, my leg.
I'm like, flammable and.
Flammable is that the word flammable?
Flammable, isn't it?
Flammable is correct? So flammable on it today? You really are.
A few minutes ago you said exacerbated, but since then you said debilitated, which is also strong.
So I can't get the gas into the car and Laura can't. I'm reading the instructions on the gas and we're doing everything. It says, and I can't get it to go. So I'm just like spilling gas everywhere. I'm panicked it it's pitch black now, and I happen to be parked right outside of a neighborhood.
So I'm like, I see a house. We should go knock on their door. We need to, we need to.
Like the gas isn't getting in.
The table won't go, It's just spilling out everywhere, and I'm like, we can't run out, like I need this gas because I just got to get into the car, like I'm gonna find a good old Texas countryman in one of those neighborhoods.
You know, everyone is going to the wrong house is getting shot.
Well this happened after my this decision.
So we go up and these like spotlights come on in the house and I'm like, Laura, I don't think we should do this one, and she's like, yeah, it's fine, it's fine. So we walk up and she's like I think I see someone, and she's like, I don't know why they're not coming to the door. And then this like big dog starts barking, so I'm like, we gotta go, we gotta go. So we walk out and we're walking. These houses are space like, this is not la like. These houses have a lot of acreage. So we're walking to the next one.
Knock. No one answers.
I'm like, I genuinely don't know what we're gonna do at this point. So we're walking down this pitch black road.
I'm guessing Laura did not does not have trouble a you.
Know, did you?
Guys ever circle back to the original question.
That didn't get circled back to. Yeah, No, I didn't go back to that thought.
I could have circled back to where you bought the gas tank maybe and said, hey, how come this isn't working? What do I need to do? Because they could probably sell you a spout or something that would get the job.
Oh, that also could have been something. The guy that was helping is at the gas station though, could not even get the thing open like the gas cank go. So I didn't feel trust like he didn't come across trustworthy to me. So all of a sudden, we see lights coming up, like headlights coming up the road, and I'm like turning, I'm like waving them down.
Oh my god.
This guy falls over and he has his daughter in the car.
So I was like, Okay, I feel safe, and I'm like, I'm so sorry I ran out of gas. I'm like, right at the end of the road, we got a gas can, but we can't get the gas into the car. So he's like, okay, I'll come back down and help y'all. So we like walk back down. He goes to put it in. It's spilling everywhere. So I'm like, hey, Gray, I'm not.
An adot gas can.
Yeah, or we're both dumb, but I wasn't the only one dumb in this situation.
So he's like, I have another gas can. Let me go.
Just follow me up and then I'll just pour this one into that and we'll come back down. So he ends up going by himself, and he comes back down and brings his wife and she was like, well he didn't and she like hugs us, and she's like, he wanted me to come. He didn't want you all to think he was creepy. And I'm like, where are the ones waiting? Yeah, And so he brought another gas can and was able to like fill it up, and then his daughters come down there having like a sleepover, and I'm like, okay, girls like this is what you don't do.
Don't do this, and he saved the day.
It's the way he had a gas take and that works fine.
He had another he had like one with a spouse, so he was able to like get it whatever. I had a jeep, come yeah, get it in and uh yeah.
So he was just a gas can with like just a cap on it.
It didn't have the had a spout, but the way it worked it didn't go deep. Yeah.
Yeah, so.
Gas stations they have like a long spell.
Yeah yeah, it's long.
It is long and goes deep. It is long. It's like probably like over a foot two feet.
I don't think it's two feet.
But whatever they're putting the new like way that they're doing gas Kansas, isn't it. So that was my story, and that means I've run out of gas like twice in the past six months, right.
Which I think should be caused for a certain amount of introspection. But you're just like, that's me. That's what happens.
I have a lot of introspection navigating right now. Mark, So because that's crazy to me.
When that light comes on, like I don't even let my car light go on.
Oh my gosh.
I usually feel it before the light goes on, because when your light goes on, it means it's time to get gassed.
So i'd rather you even let the light come on.
I usually do a quarter of a tank. When I'm at quarter, I fill her back up.
I have dashes on mine, and I got three dashes. I'm getting that filled up, three dashes.
I let the light come on. When light comes on, it's it's let the good times. But I go to the gas station. I've run, I guess once in my entire life, and it sucked.
I hated it.
Yeah, well no I'm not.
I'm not having fun when everyone now like, I'm not, like this is great.
It's just I thought I had longer and I didn't.
And none of the one in the family's like, hey aren't you Becca Tilly from TV's The Bachelor and the popular podcast and People Choice Aword winning shows scrubbing in.
No, they didn't say that. No, it'd be nice the podcast.
What I respect what that guy did with bringing his wife, because that's the thing we By the way, I'm not saying we poor dudes, because I'm not saying that, but that's a real issue that we needed to come off as not creepy. And we want to be helpful and we want to support people, and we want to be nice to strangers. But it's it's weird because it can come off as creepy and you gotta be careful about that.
Yeah.
I admired this guy for yes, but mostly because if I if I were in his shoes, if I saw it, if I pulled over and I saw you, You're like, I ran into gas I can't get I have a gas can, but I can't get in. I'm like, there's a guy with a gun waiting for that objective idea. It's like, oh good luck, sweetheart.
Yes, yeah, I wouldn't.
Have done it.
I wouldn't have done it for myself, So yeah, I wouldn't have done it either.
I went to take a pick up my youngest at the elementary school. She was older. She was going back to tutor and there's a little boy on the corner outside the school and school's been over for a while now, and he looks stressed out. He has tears in his eyes, he looks a little panicky. But I cannot pull over and start talking to that kid, because now I'm making the situation worse. You know what I'm saying, I can't be Hey, buddy's everything, okay, I can't do that. You could, I can't. He's like an eight year old boy and now now a guy, a strange man is pulling up in a car and trying to talk to him. And he's been told his whole life not to talk to that person. So I waited till my daughter came out. Once she was out, I had hair go up to him and ask him if he was okay, because that makes me safe for having my daughter with me and her doing the talking. You just got to be sensitive to that stuff because then his mom's going to pick him up and he's like, some guy come and you forgot to pick me up or whatever it was. And some guy came and tried to talk to me, she'd be in a panic. Next thing, you know, the whole school is sending out letters warning people that there's a guy pulling up and trying and talk to kids.
Yeah, but he had his daughter in the car, so I was that's good.
Nothing about him came across creepy, And to be honest, I was in a desperate state. We were like, we just need your help, sir. Creepy or not so, but.
That's a sad thing, like what you were saying, we're all a little suspicious of each other. Everyone's a little bit creepy, like it's twenty twenty three and like we can't help each other anymore. That's that.
When I go on a walk at nighttime and I see like a woman jogging or something, I always crossed the other side. Don't want to think I'm fall too. Yes, last year there before, I was in Austin, Texas for American Idol and I was on I was just walking. It was really late and now I was just walking downtown Austin and this woman's jogging and I like get out of her way, so she doesn't, and she runs by. She's like scrubbing in.
Okay, I will.
Say every time I'm on to walk, I and I'm pass it. I mean sorry, it's men. But when a man passes, I turn around to just make sure they don't. They didn't turn around. It's it's unfortunate, but.
This man go at night anymore?
Like no even during the day though, Oh really, yeah, paranoid.
I walk my dog a lot. But when we're in Wisconsin, we don't have our dogs with us, and so we'll still need to get some exercise. So I'll have my wife or daughters go for a walk with me around the neighborhood. But if they're not available, like you just go like I really can't. It's a little weird to just be a weird old dude walking around the neighborhood, especially after.
That the.
Dog, no dog, no dog. I think it's not fine, especially after dark.
But I think you have really Yeah, if I saw a man walking in the neighborhood by himself, i'd be I'd call coughs.
I don't know.
I don't find it weird. Like if you're a good person, then I don't.
Know, no Mark would be so sad.
I look good in people's windows for all they know.
People don't so that I don't have like a weapon up mess.
Leave walking around.
It's different for you.
Yeah, well, I'm just saying I don't think that like y'all.
Have to be locked up in the house.
That's why I make them go with me if I have something with you anymore.
Well. Shout out to Scott and his an amazing family for helping us that lonely night in Texas.
Lynn Dale.
I think that's where we were, so yeah, I think we have emails, So we'll take a break and we'll be right back.
We got more gas in this tank, baby.
All right, we are back and we have emails. This first one.
The disclaimer may be a laugh at while, but I appreciate it anyway.
Abby says, please help Before I dive in, I want to preface this email by saying that I'm fully aware neither of you are medical professionals or merited adult medical advice, which is nice because we would have had to say that anyway. Now we don't have to. With that disclaimer in mind, I was recently diagnosed with hashimotos. Prior to my diagnosis, I had never heard of hashimotos. Hearing Tanya talk about her health journey has made me feel a lot less alone. However, I have eating habits more kin to Becca's. Up until now, I've never struggled with my weight, but now I've gained fifteen pounds seemingly overnight, and I'm getting married at the end of this year. I am stressed that I won't feel my best on my big day. To time you have any tips on how to start eating healthier and incorporating more health conscious life choices. I am struggling with transitioning from my previous lifestyle to the quote granola life, and I'd love any tips on how to make the transition easier for me.
Yes, I am not a medical professional. Yes, However, I do feel like I've done a lot of research for myself in this and there are two paths. So I chose the path of no. I'm trying to avoid taking the medication, but there is a path in which you could take the medication for your hashemotives, because I read that you're getting married with congratulations at the end of the year, and I feel like maybe the medication might help you speed up the process if that's really important to you. So that is an option. The other option is the eating habits. I do think they're like, I do think there's a way to be gluten Gluten free is the biggest thing. It's anti inflammatory, and I think anti inflammatory is so good for just general health overall. It's good for everything. And so if you could go gluten free, I think that would tremendously help with your hashimotos. And I do think there's ways to eat gluten free, but also still eat a quote unquote like Becca, Like you could make gluten free macaroni and cheese. You could make gluten free grilled cheese, you could make gluten free tacos. I don't know what else. You burger, you can make gluten free burger. So you can still make the choices, like you still eat what you want to eat, but just make them gluten free.
But I think I think the big thing is because like everything you eat, I'm like, that looks delicious, Like I would have no problem eating your you're food if but it's the commitment of cooking it and like making it. So I think, well, how did you get in your head of like I can do this on my own, because like going out to eat, and like if you're used to eating out or like getting fast food, the switch to just like cooking at home and making your food at home is like drastic.
I feel like you did that already.
So yeah, the thing is when you eat out, a lot of the time, your food's cooked with canola oil, which is like another really big no note. It's like very inflammatory. You should be eating with either avocado or olive oil. And so if I do got to eat, I do ask if they cook the eggs and like canola oil, and I'm that girl, I know, but so I try to avoid things, So I try to avoid things like that. So like, I know, poach eggs, you don't need oil, so I'll usually order poached eggs if I don't. Yeah, so I try to just like now I've kind of outsmarted the system because I hate being that customer that's like, do you know if they use olive oil in their salad dressing? And like I already have to do the whole gluten free thing. I just feel like such a pain. But yeah, I do think trying to cook more at home it's easier than you think. Upping your protein is like a huge thing. And then like the seed oils are like a really big I feel like starting it feels like I say, starting small, but that's actually a lot of stuff.
Do you know what?
Though, you shouldn't feel like a pain just trying to put good things in your body. Because when we were in Europe, it was shocking the difference of like when we had questions, they were so like no one acted put out by Hayley's food allergies or anything. They're just like, oh yeah, okay, this is what we use, and here's what you can have, and this is what we can make. But like, you shouldn't be annoying by making sure that you're not putting something in your body that is harmful to your body. We shouldn't be consuming a lot of the stuff that we are.
That's true, that's true. But I do feel like sometimes I'm so high maintenance that that's like just eat at home. I'm like, I know you, I know, I do.
I do, Yeah, and you.
Do I do.
So I think it's like maybe maybe it's like starting out with trying to make at least one meal at home and like doing a copycat of something that you love that's like gluten free or anti emplanmatory.
Yeah, and I would just look into you can google like hashimotos, different things to do, because like infrared saunas are really really good for hashimotos. I just think, again, medication is an option, so I think just kind of.
Yeah, but isn't the whole thing that once you're on the medication forever.
Yeah, That's why I'm hesitant to But she says she's getting married at the end of the year, so I feel like there might be more of a deadline.
Well, it sounds like she's stressed about her weight more than anything, and you've actually lost weight just by cutting out gluten.
And it is true.
I lost I really did lose weight, and I wasn't trying. It was total just shift in my diet. But it is, it's it's I think it's gluten's to the anti inflammatory because it really just kind of shrinks you.
Makes sense.
Yeah, good luck, Abby, Yeah, good luck.
And congratulations on your wedding.
Anonymous says, my boyfriend of six years just told me that he cheated on me a few days ago. He wanted to take a break to explore and then make a decision if you wanted to stay with me, but I told him no, we are done. I'm devastated and was completely shocked. We had our entire future planned out and it feels completely shattered into a million pieces. How do I come back from this? Where do I even start to meet new guys? Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Oh that is so.
Rude. Take a break, to Lauren, then make a decision if you're worth it, right, I would say, because I feel like, especially when you're in a relationship for a long time, there's that feeling of like the thought of like where do I begin dating again?
And I think I think it.
Just to stay on theme with the podcast, is like you should be able to find where can you find comfort in yourself, Like getting out of this relationship with someone who now has made you trusted for six years and now has made you feel like you weren't worthy of his loyalty and his trust. You're going to probably go through a grieving process of this, really like with this relationship, and I think that it's important for you to kind of get in touch with yourself again, being by yourself, figuring out what you love and what you want, and then get into a place where you feel ready to give your heart to someone because I think it's going to be really scary for.
You because he betrayed you. Yeah, and you trusted him.
You thought you were going to be with him forever, and now you're in a place where he betrayed that. So I think it's I think you give yourself time to heal. And I'm so sorry that you're in this position. You you were in a long term relationship for before, like your long relationship.
Yeah he didn't cheat on me.
No, No, no, but like getting just in general, like breaking up and like getting out, it's like that feel that fear of Like.
Yeah, and I think I remember when I got out of that. I'd never gone to a wedding by myself, I'd never done anything alone. And so but my pendulum swung so far to the side that it was like I preferred doing stuff alone, Like I liked going to events alone. I liked doing stuff alone. Like I think I got a little too comfortable in the aloness.
I always wanted.
That's not true, Like maybe you got comfortable with it, but you were always hopeful for it to find a yah.
But I always I knew there's a thing, the desire, a desire. It was always a desire of my heart to like be married, have a lifelong partner, have kids, Like that's always been a desire of my heart. So I actively pursued that. Does that make sense? So, like I kept dating even though it sucked, and like I kept getting just lots of failed attempts. I knew that that was something that was going to come to me eventually. Uh, And I wanted that so much. But maybe if you've been maybe that's not what you want. Anonymous what's not what she wants. Maybe she doesn't want to be married, maybe that's not what she wants. Maybe, oh, maybe she just wants to be like flung around a little, you know what I mean.
I'm note wants to be.
I think she feels flung around right now, And I don't know if that's what she's gonna want, right I think that she's probably gonna want to feel safe and stable and protect and cared for. So I think that you do that for yourself, lean into your friendships, lean into the things that do make you feel safe and loved and cared for. And I think when your heart feels ready to put yourself out there to date again, you go out do things that you enjoy where there's other people there. You get involved where there's community.
Yeah, because she said, where do I even start to meet new guys? And I feel like the world is our oyster these days. Like you can meet people on Instagram, you can meet people on dating apps, you can bet people.
True, but I think she needs time more than anything else.
I agree, But but where you meet them is like anywhere anyway.
Yeah, I wouldn't sign up for an app at this point. I would just let let yourself heal for a while and get to know who you are without him, because you don't know that person it's been six years.
Yeah, Yeah, so I agree with that.
And if you if you're like I am just in the mood for a rebound and I don't want to do anything safe and that feels like what you need to.
Do, do it, do it, but.
But don't take care of yourself.
The decision you made with him, You made the right call. Yeah, And she.
Is not a reflection of your value.
And also, I know this is going to be hard, but try not to take that experience into your next relationship and be very like, don't have your guard up and don't like, don't put those trust issues from your ex onto your future partner.
That's true, because that will happen, Yeah, unless you let yourself heal from this.
Yeah, And that might look ugly.
It might be like anger, it might be rage, it might be like sadness and grief. But let yourself feel those things because it's important to get it out now. Yeah, we have a fun episode coming up on Thursday.
We're doing something we've never done before.
It's gonna be more of like a mini episode. If you will And.
By the way, if people have ideas for what the Thursday episode should be, they should contribute them because we want to do different stuff. Yeah, we did games for a while, we did guests for a while, and we'll still do some guests. But we're open to ideas.
Yeah, we're open to suggestions, So if you have any, let us know.
But I'm in the Facebook group.
But this Thursday, we are going back to two thousand and seventeen. The year is twenty seventeen. It is episode seven of Scrubbing In with Bechetillian on Your AD and it is a wild change that has happened to us as people since this episode. So we're going to be recapping it. If you want to listen, it's episode seven Scrubbing In with Bectillians on your AD and it's.
Called Annual check Up is the title of.
The episode, and it has some gems in there. So we're going to be kind of just recapping it and like rehashing who we were as people during that time.
Yeah, and I remember you referenced somebody you called him Arnold Swartz, and yeah, I don't even remember who that was, do you?
I think?
So all right, we'll get into it.
Yeah, So we'll be back Thursday with that and we hope you have a wonderful week and we love you so much.
Bye bye,
