Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya RadThis week, Becca and Tanya work on some treatment plan to regain Becca’s “lost mojo”. They call up Becca’s first kiss from high school, to go way back in her file and find out if she’s always been this way. Then, Becca and Tanya get an expert consultation from life coach Cherie Healy. And of course, no visit to the Scrubbing In O.R. would be complete without answering some patient questions.
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Who's up for some scrubbing in.
I'm always up for some scrubbing in.
You know, I scrubbing in with Belly an iHeartRadio podcast.
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in. And it's me and it's Tanya, and it's Mark Hi in easty.
I have been so excited for today because I really missed you.
I saw you on Friday. It's Monday for reference.
For reference, it's been that was a very long weekend and I only saw you on Friday for a very short amount of time.
It was about I would stay close to an hour that we.
Were definitely not I was there for fifteen minutes.
No, first of all, it was definitely not fifteen minutes. Yeah, she came over because you were looking for an outfit for the Night to Shine. That's right, and we found one. We found one. See Tanya is in She normally for events, well dress a little more on the like sexy side of things. Yes, I said, you gotta you gotta keep it classy on this one. You gotta keep it.
For Night to Shine.
Modest is hottest. Yeah, is hottest for Night to Shine.
Explain Night to Shine for people who don't know, Okay, and.
Also I knew that myself. Like when I went we went to Chalk Prom, I wore like a really not like it was scandalous. I can't remember what it was like brown velvet dress.
It was cute, modest that one that your leg was like it was like come to your like crotch. Well, first of all, let's not compare what you wore to Night to Shine and what you were to talk about. Okay, it was cute for sure.
Night to Shine is basically an event that the Tim Tiba Foundation does. They do them all across the country and other countries. I believe yes, there's about five hundred over five hundred, and they all happen the same night, and it's a prom for people with special needs, and it's so beautiful, like when they have people like roll up in limos and then they have a red carpet that they all walk down and everybody like cheers them on, and then there's like karaoke and there's like a little bar where people are not bar bar, but like a bar, like a makeup bar and like get your nails done. And there's like a beauty bar, beauty bar, and like a dance floor and then towards the end of the night, they crown every guest like king and queen, everybody gets to be crowned, and like it was really emotional.
I love that. Yeah, I would. I can totally see how that'd be emotional.
Yeah, And Chad reached my pastor was there and Julia, his wife, and they got to walk their daughter Georgia down and that was like watching her get crowned. I was just it was like really emotional. Yeah, it was like, all yeah, it was beautiful. It's such a beautiful thing that.
How long has she been doing it? That's a good question.
I don't actually don't.
Know what's the question. How long has Tim Tebow been doing this? Yeah, because it's his foundation that puts these together. Yeah, yeah, I don't know the answer to that.
I don't know the answer that either.
I just want to make clear talking about Tim Tebow and if you don't know the situation Kanye was planning to meet Tim.
Tebow there, Okay, this has been just dragging on, like it's just one of those things where there's just one what's it called, like one degree of separation every time as far as like you were, we could have gone to eat or you could have one was after oh yeah, after the AMAS Yeah. Yeah, and he was sitting at the table next to all your friends, and it's like, these things keep happening, whether he's at church or whatever, and we just keep missing him. So I thought, this is gonna be the night where she meets him. Yeah, and what happened, But maybe that's it.
Maybe the universe keeps trying to put you guys together. But that wasn't the night. But it will happen, and it will happen when you least expect it.
Yeah.
I was thinking about that on the drive here. I was thinking, you know what, maybe that I feel like that night for him, there's so much going on that your interaction with him at most would have been like.
Hey, hey, yeah, and as it should have been, you know what I mean. Like and for me too, Like I had the best time. I was like dancing the whole night, I made a bunch of new friends, you know, Like it was it was just so much about not me, you know what I mean, Like it was such a great night that I had the same feeling, although like it was like I also realized how many people are so invested because I have never been inundated with so many messages. And I also realized too, For some reason, I think of this podcast as like we have our listeners, and then I work on the Ryan Secrets on Earth Ryan Secrets, and we have those listeners. I didn't realize how many. I had no idea until until this Timpty Bow thing because yeah, and these but everybody was saying. I listened to the podcast in the morning show and ball like, it was just like I got inundated with a lot.
Well, I was going to ask you, did you feel like not because it wasn't like you had any control over the situation like him not being there, But did you feel like this like pressure, like like you let like not that you let everyone down, but that I'm sorry, no, no, yeah, because everyone I was reading like comments and stuff, and people were messaging me because they're like keep me posted, and they're like why aren't you with her? And I almost like just got dressed and was gonna go with you when you said that no one could go. But I also like I was so anxious to hear it. I was like nervous, you.
Know, it's so and I don't get that's the thing that's so sad is I don't get nervous at all for anything, and I was nervous for I don't I can't think because now it's just been so blown out of it right.
All of Thursday on the Secret Show. We talked about it all of Friday, and then he said to you, don't tell anyone anything till eight o'clock Monday morning, and then we'll just tease it all morning long. So you knew. You were like, oh.
Man, you were really funny on Ryan Show, and when you were like so calm, cool, collected, and then as soon as the call is ever it was like, well the cool and then he said something. You were like, should I do blah blah blah. I can't remember what it was, and they were like no.
No, no, no, no no, yeah Ry Ryan told me to bring him a booteneer. Yeah, Ryan, I liked it. And then I said, oh, maybe I should bring him like one of your ties. Oh that was distinction Ties.
Such a terrible idea. It would have been so awkward.
Here is Tanya being cool with Tim Tebow.
Really good talking to you guys, and Donia.
Maybe we'll see you tomorrow night.
Sounds good. Can't wait?
All right, thank you have a wonderful day. I couldn't picture her just like with the biggest smile on her face, like, oh, just holding everything she can back, taking every part of power that she has in her body.
But so and so, I I kind of was in my head a lot that night because I'm like, this guy probably thinks if he, if anybody that he knows listens to the show, I come off sounding so crazy. And I was like, this guy probably thinks I'm so psycho. And I was talking to our friend Graham Bun.
Oh no, I've.
Mentioned, oh my god, guy, like I've never heard of this guy I twelve times today.
Well, I talked to him a lot at that night, and he was like, that's so great, like about Tim, And I was like, yeah, he probably thinks I'm such a creep. And he was like, are you crazy. We're all friends with you, We love you, if you know what I mean, Like he knows, like he knows that you're friends with all of that, right, Okay, at least like.
Yeah, people, well.
If Tim got five percent of the inundation that you got, he's very aware of what's going on, right, right, don't we think?
Yeah? For sure? I mean she's I bet people have tagged her in all a lot of his posts or sent messages, Like if he checks any of that, he's probably I don't know if guys check all their stuff like girls do.
But again, if he got any of it, if he checked any he.
Even was just checking to see if, like what the people were saying about Night to Shine, he probably saw your name somewhere.
So we never really said Tanya went and he didn't show up because he was held up at other events, so he didn't end up at the same one. So disappointing. However, and this is, by the way, this is breaking news. This is an exclusive to Scrubbing It with Becca Tillic. So Amy was not here today, but you know Amy, she's on here usually she reached out to Tim's people while coming back on the Seacrest Show.
Yeah, we shall also preface that Ryan is very.
Tim says he will come back on we're working on Wednesday, Valentine's Day. But the question is would he agree to come back on if he was aware of this. I think he has to be aware of this, and that's why he's agreed to come back on.
Wait, so he's going to be in the studio.
I don't know about that. Oh, but he's willing to return to the show this week. Maybe, uh huh, maybe.
How are you going to be able to hold it together to phone calls in a row?
Yeah, but then it's like then what again?
I know, but see I don't think so. I think Ryan's going to be more Yeah, the rest of this time. I think he's gonna let it lift up the hurt and let him know what's going on.
Well. It was really funny because he was asking like what side of the bed does he sleep on? And it was actually a really funny bit. Like poor guy was probably like this is the weirdest interview.
Know, Like Ryan puts him on hold and he's like, oh my god.
We're like oh. It was like a full blown celebration everyone just because he was like maybe we'll maybe I'll see you there. You want to keep her post. As it turned out, let's just say like when you meet him, the story is just everyone's gonna be so excited.
It's just a lot.
And so you had to decide what to wear. No One, you're going to a charity event for special needs children, but you also want to look good for Tim Tebow. That's a tough lined walk.
I think I had a perfect thing for her. Yeah, that had not just one, she had three.
Yeah, this red outfit was yours.
Yeah, and it was like a classy jumpsuit that was like it was red, so it had like that sexy vibe that was like appealing but also was like you looked very classy.
I think we did a morning hack once that said the best color to wear on a date is red. Oh really, m hmm.
I think that's right.
Yeah, no, it is right.
I remember. It's like the good ones.
I store the important one. So I went to Santa Barbara this weekend, and I don't know why. I think I think talking to the psychiatrist kind of got me. Like I'm like, Okay, maybe I need to put myself out there more and not be so scared of what might happen and focus on like the good things.
This is good, this is progress.
Yeah. So I re downloaded dating app Oh yeah all right, Yeah that's about as far as we got. So I downloaded them. I matched with the v people, but I was like, you know what, maybe I just I'm so like the thought of going on a date sounds so scary. It's just like getting ready going off the stranger. I'm small, I already did it a few weeks ago. I'm not saying I'm like incapable, but it's like I think in my head, I think of how that went and how it was not a waste of time, But there is nothing for like.
That's what dating is. That it is a lot of waste of time.
Nothing came out of that, right, you were not totally against a second date, but he never reached out.
He did, I just didn't reach the pack.
That's okay, because if you're not feeling it, like you're not feeling it, I don't know what's so funny because dating is a waste of time.
That's the worst way of looking at it, because but it's so true.
But you need to do it. It's like a necessary evil. Is that the right phrase?
But I liked the fact that when Robert and I started dating that we were friends first. It is comfortable. But that doesn't happen always, you know. But I want to be friends with whoever I start dating, but you will be you will get to that. So I start dating them and.
We're like and they need to come back friends.
That's not how dating works. That's not how you go into a date.
Not really, you don't go into.
A date like wanting a best friend. You go and.
One of the points along the progression.
Toddy was like on b FF Bumble, like why can't I find them?
It's like, all girls, can you beat that casual on a date together? You just downloaded every so often and then delete them and then download them time on your bio and everything else in there.
My brain is so casual. Everything's so casual.
So do you go through and answer all the questions about your favorite?
Doesn't you don't know about I don't because there's like two questions on hand.
There's like I think three or four questions and you have pictures in between. Oh really funny. Yeah, he is actually pretty entertaining because it's like I was saying, yeah, he just get one of the guys. It was like the biggest pet peeve and he was like when someone says both instead of both, So that's not Tanya's. You'd have to really.
Focus on yeah, and then I'd be like paranoid the.
Deal breaker.
But this is exciting, This is a breakthrough moment. I'm glad you're putting yourself out there.
Yeah, I just feel like, whatever the reasons are that I have that. And I got so many messages about listening to the last six podcast and there.
Were a lot of em.
Really, what were people saying?
Well, they loved it, they loved how open she was that I was very brave of Becca to go through that stuff. A lot of people related to what she was saying to the therapist. Do I think it helped them as well?
Oh that's so interesting that, Like, I guess for me, what I took away from it with you is that you fear the You fear like a break you feel you fear that the person's being taken away from you.
Yeah, I guess it's like a fear of like something going bad. It's not so much like it's whether I lose feelings or they lose feelings something morbid.
I don't know. Wait, what did it come down to being open to the possibility but not attached to the outcome?
Was that y'all's quote? That wasn't what she said?
Though?
No, no, no, okay. I was like, I feel like I've heard that.
Before, Tanya. On your way up here today you texted or something that was very interesting?
Oh yeah, oh yeah, my own sexy face.
I want to talk about that, but I also want to know are you going to keep seeing a therapist you think? Or like I mean no, No.
I mean the thing is if I if I really wanted to dive into this and talk to someone, I think after thinking about it some and like actually talk, having this short conversation I had with her like opened a lot of why I fear relationships. Like it was almost like an aha moment that's exciting, which I think I subconsciously knew all this time, but it was interesting talk it out and like having someone like bring like actually put into words. I guess. But yeah, I feel like I'm going through an unsexy phase and I don't know if that's the right way.
Yeah. I was like, I don't know what this means. Okay, like are you drooling or like what's happening?
No? No, No, it's like a I don't know it's I think it's it's more of a mental thing than it is like a physical thing. You know, so clearly let me Okay, So I feel like around or last year, maybe in the summertime.
Oh wow, this goes back.
No no, no, I'm just saying, yeah, this kind of goes back, I feel like I could go out. First of all, I was more into like going out and being social, and I felt like I could go out and if I walked into a place like a bar or something. I never and this is a little bit arrogant, but I never was like in my head, I was like, well, I won't probably won't have to pay for drinks tonight, you know, Like I was like, someone's gonna pay attention to me. At the time, I think Robert and I were kind of on and off, so I think I had the confidence of like him like I had like we were kind of still together, so I had him. But also and it wasn't like, oh I'm looking for someone to like hook up with anything, but I just thought I would. I do have attention. Lately, I feel like I don't have that. Like it's not that I'm not confident or think that I'm like unattractive or anything, but I don't have that like air of I don't even know what it would be.
Called, like normal, What that's normal?
Oh, Like you're saying an air of normal, that air of like, oh, I'm gonna I feel confident walking into this place by myself or going out and feeling like I can go up to the bar and someone's gonna offer to buy me a drink.
Is it a feeling you have or is it a are you not getting the response that you normally get.
It's a feeling I have. Okay, I haven't I haven't really gone out, and I don't know if it's like the winter. It's just like I'm in like that, yeah, and I don't want to go out.
I don't know if it's just like half the country as zero degrees right now. You guys are complaining it's too called at six, I'm saying it's freezing.
It's below seventy right now.
And it's true. I don't like to go out when it's like below sixty. This morning i left the house. I was like forty five night.
And it really close down. Yeah, but I think it's just like I don't really even have any desire to go out and experience. I guess it's like I don't even care, you know, Like last year I felt like I was like, oh, I want that attention or I want to feel that way, And I don't know if it's because I'm just like I don't care.
Well, yeah, I mean I just don't think that you. I think you're in a phase of not I think right now, to you, dating is more work than like it's hard to explain. I can't It's like, you know, I can't really put my finger on her, you know, you think you put it there and then she flies over here. But like it's it's like you want marriage and family and kids. Uh huh, but not quite right now, because you're enjoying being single.
And I think but I'm I mean, I'm enjoying being single, but not in the way that most people enjoy being not the standard enjoy being single, Like I'm not going out with different people, and like, right, right, right right, I'm just.
But I think that there's something to be said about that too, Like I think so many people have said to me, enjoy this time that you don't have. You know, you can say yes to plans if you want. You don't have to think about getting a sitter or like, you know, anything like that. So you are doing that. Just picked up and went to Stanta barber for the weekend. That's single freedom, girl.
Yeah. Well, I do a lot of like traveling, I mean, that's kinda something I do.
But when you go by yourself.
No, it's some girlfriends.
Okay, yeah, fun.
Yeah, it was super fun.
Is it normal for women to feel to go through these un sexy phases? Erica says, yet, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. I mean I think it's hard to say because like, I've never been the person that like walks into a bar and is like, I've never had that. It's weird because I feel like I'm a confident person, but I feel like I've never been that person that like walks into a bar, and it's like.
I feel like lately, you've recently, you've felt that more when you go out to places there's like.
There's no guys, no guys.
Yeah. No, I talked about mojo. You got your mode.
Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. Mojo.
Yeah yeah, yeah, my mojo is like at a medium.
Yeah that's what I think. Okay, that was a good Yeah, you've.
Really brought that back. Yeah, really brought that back. But yeah, what I'm saying is I feel like I don't have I don't have my mojo.
Yeah, how do you regain it?
I don't know.
That's a good question. How do we get your motive? How did I get mine back?
I think it was like you went out, you kind of went out and like some hot guys like hit on you, and you're like felt like you were in control and.
That really hot one. Yeah he's but still very hot and couldn't date anyone he wanted. So I was like, damn, yes, yeah, okay, so.
Yeah, so I need to put on a sexy Halloween costume. Yeah, which I guess my Halloween costume this year wasn't like sexy cline. Actually, what's his name? Is his name?
Why don't we do something then? What why don't we get you on jazzed up and hit the town and go somewhere where we can do so I can do some research on like a cute place. It has to be a cute place for a lot of single men linger and we can just go parade you.
Is it weird?
Now? I want to be printed around like. I don't want it to be like intentional, like oh, we got to go out and find a man. I just want to say, let's go out and peruse Yeah, but we don't even want to find you a man.
No, no, no, no, we just want you to to feel.
Like maybe just like to feel confident and like excited to go out and have a fun night rather than feeling like, oh my god, this is terrible. I'm ready to go home.
Let's do it. Let's make a date right now.
Okay, it is Valentine's Day week? Is that a weird weekend to go out? A lot of couples will be going out this coming week.
I'm not gonna have any mojo. That might kill my mojo. Oh yeah, because all the guys will be like with their girlfriends.
Well, we're not going to we won't do it on Valentine's.
Day or do you want to do it on val But the weekend after is just as bad, I would think.
I don't think so.
No, that's when we're going out. That's when my wife and I are going out. Oh well, I think a lot of couples are going out last weekend or next weekend.
Yeah.
Yeah, so that we're going to halt it for a week.
We can try it, see how it feels, check out the vibe, talk out the scene. But I want to know, Like, so we go and we're just like.
No, we're gonna like make a plan, Like we're gonna get there and we're gonna scout out who's there, and we're gonna people can see you right now, We're gonna scout out who's there, and then we're gonna go and we're gonna engage in conversation like Phoebe and and Rachel's status, like when they went out when we were talk.
And then she met the guy I'm called and Ross intercepted.
Okay, so like that, we're just gonna go talk to people. If we get numbers great, If we don't get numbers great, or if we give numbers, yeah, I mean whatever, get.
Yeah, No, it's there's a difference.
Okay, but I think it could be super fun and just have no expectation of the night.
Okay, I'm down.
You only give numbers. You don't get numbers, Becca.
No, I'm never like, hey, let me get your number. No, I'm sorry, totally, I do good number.
Can I get your number in case you didn't get mine? Right in case of isn't.
And then she like checks it and then calls them to make sure it rings in front of them.
I'm calling you right now. I'm calling you right now your phone.
Oh man, this seems like so for sure we want to go together. Just kidding, Yeah, I know, I'm I'm good. Just don't do that with anyone me around.
Excuse me? I did that after I cleared my throat and then I touched the coffin.
I was like, what are you doing? Have you No?
This will be? This will just be. This is gonna be. Hashtag bring back Becca's mojo?
Okay, we should start a hashtag? Yeah, maybe I should. Maybe I should do something where I like make a no to go out every week, like it's aggressive. Maybe every other week, like to dinner with like girlfriends, okay, date, ok, Like that should be normal, right? Dinner with friends? Is that normal?
Once a week? Seems like a lot.
You don't go out with your friends once a week?
Well I can, I can go with bread or something. You don't have to if you don't want to.
Go no, no, no, I don't been saying, but like doesn't do a lot of people? Is that normal?
Like a lot of people do like dinner at least once a week, maybe more, but don't want to.
Since you're clearly free, you can go with Becca yeah, yeah, yeah, you're not busy going out with your friends obviously.
Nope. So what should the hashtag be?
I like to bring back back as mojo or how Becky got her groove back.
That's a good hashtag.
She's mad. She didn't think of it like.
Groove, but I just like mojo.
Ow Becca got her groove back.
Kind of long.
Oh my god, I just never satisfied. One of the reasons I don't like going out and being social is because I love my bed, which you know about me. Yeah, you also love your bed I loved. I love my bed even more now because I got the bowl and Branch sheets that we've been talking about.
Oh yeah, and I make the difference.
They truly do. I washed them and slept on them this week for the first time. They're amazing. They're already soft. I don't have to I don't feel like I need to wash them a few more times to be ready.
What did I feel like you were sleeping on?
Just like some clouds, which I think clouds are really cold, but these.
Clouds are warm and cozy.
Yeah. Yeah. Everything Bowlin Branch makes is made from one hundred percent organic cotton, so they start off super soft. So that's why they just start that way, and then they just continue to get softer.
Honestly, though, sheets make the biggest difference. I had I bought a cheapy pair of sheets because I don't even know why I did it. I just saw some cute ones and I was like, not even in the mood for sheets, and I use them and they were they like scratched me, they like scratched my skin, and I was like, where's my bowl.
Yeah, Bowlin Branch, there's no scratch now.
I threw those old sheets right out.
Yeah. The good thing is you buy directly from them, so you're essentially paying wholesale prices. Luxury sheets can cost up to one thousand dollars in the store, but Bolin Branch sheets are only a couple hundred bucks.
It's nice.
Yeah. Shipping is free, which we love, and you can try them for thirty nights, which you'll love every night of those thirty nights. And if you don't love them, you can send them right back for a refine. That's the best part. Yeah, so there's no risk and no reason to not give them a try. To get you started right now, my listeners will get fifty dollars off your first set of sheets at Bowlinbranch dot com. Promo codebeca what color the sheets that you got?
They're white, classic white, classic, love it.
Yeah, my bed looks so clean with them on right now. I bet yeah, they're fresh. So go to Bowlinbranch dot com today for fifty dollars off your first set of sheets. That's b O L L and Branch dot Com promo code beca one more time Bowlinbranch dot Com promo code Becca. This is totally random, but I didn't watch Grays this week because but listen, I'm gonna tell you.
Why I miss much.
This is wit. This is I realized something. When I get on Twitter and on Thursday nights, I get a lot of tweets if the episode's really good. It's like my whole title, like it's just like Becker, are you watching Grays? Are you watching grayz? Oh my gosh, this is so intense. I can't wait to hear what y'all say about on the podcast this week. Not one tweet, no one cared. And then I got messages and they were like, did you watch Grays? I didn't. It was so boring. So I'll probably watch it today because I have a lot of laundry to catch up on.
But I'm trying to defend it and I can't remember what happens.
That's the problem. I can tell you exactly what happened. They're all, we do fight Arizona. We see her leg they like showed her legs.
But they recently remember that Bailey has a kid, and now they remembered that.
Yeah, so they definitely showed that. So they're all basically trying to It was what you read last week. They're all trying to find the different contest. But they are trying to do Jackson is trying to do spray on skin.
But then he changed his mind.
Changed his mind.
He's doing h I don't even know.
It's a more realistic female anatomy for transgender.
Yeah, but it's like taking some part of their I'm not going to pretend to know because it was a lot. It was over my head. Yeah, it was a bad episode.
I don't know if it was a badis it was a bad episode.
It's just why did they come out of the gate so strong? It was like so like I think it was like three or four back to back, like really good episodes.
It's really just two really yeah, because it just came back January eighteenth.
No, but the finale was really good. So the Winter finale was really.
Oh right, right, it was the girl they had operated on her brain. Who sang that was kind of good last week? That was in this episode we're talking about, but the girl who's singing and they'd operate on her brain.
Oh, yeah, I haven't watched that was it?
Yeah?
This week is bad. It's bad.
Oh, Mark's trying so hard. Mark. I love like how much you tried to defend Grays. I love Grayce. I want to be good even.
When it's not good.
Though.
It's like it's like you're going like you're home with family.
That's exactly how I feel. But it's like hard to get excited, Like I don't feel like I have to watch it live when I'm readly like I'm not getting the response about it.
You know, you had the woman who was in before who came back and was growing tiny spleens in her body.
Yes, now she has more tiny spleens sounds cute, tiny's cute. Yeah, I was one of Meredith's patience.
I didn't mind it. I don't know, I wasn't bored. I didn't mind it. But you're right, it wasn't terribly memorable and it wasn't like, Oh I do.
Like Arizona and April are kind of into this they're trying to find a cure for. I guess a lot of moms die giving birth.
Yeah, d I can't remember what was it?
Oh, was it how she lost the Matthew's patient or whatever? Wait, so is what's April status right now? She did they address it?
Yeah, she's like dating that weird intern.
She's dating the weird intern. Well, she's hooking up with.
It's bad. Oh my god. Okay, I don't want to.
It's beneath her.
It's beneath her. She needs to be with Jackson.
Yeah, they just need to get back together.
Okay. Going back to last week on the podcast, so much response, so many responsible We have so many emails that I don't think we'll get to all of them, but I want to do as many as we.
Well, let's do the reactions to last week first, before we go with the relationship questions like this one was very interesting?
Which one.
Alicia, who love the loved the episode. She thinks you're a brave bear. She's curious if your relationship with Tanya is another example of what you described with not wanting to get too close. Sounds like your other friends are fine with you having some space. Betania's neediness is really challenging you and causing you to stake your claim for independence. Also, the way you make fun of her sometimes could be an unconscious way of pushing her away so that you never let yourself get as fully close to her as you maybe secretly want. And maybe you're scared time you will replace you with a guy one day, and you're protecting yourself in fear of that.
Oh wow.
Alicia says she has lost friends because of this. She keeps the bed arms length because she doesn't want to get hurt and she's lost friends. She doesn't want it to happen to you, guys.
I do you know what? She brings up an interesting point about when people are single and then when they do go into a relationship. I think that your relationship with your friends changes no matter how hard you try to fight that. I think in the past I have my relationship has caused me to completely like lose all my friendships, Like I just didn't invest because I was completely invested in my one relationship. Because I have done that in the past, I will never do that again. I will make my friendship such a huge part of my life. But it is interesting because I do think that there is a little bit of a shift just naturally.
Becca, you were giggling through that whole email. But what do you think.
I just was giggling because she said but Tania's neediness and quotes as you call it. I wish I could read the email in the text from Tanya on a regular.
It is interesting, though, because I feel like people that write us will always be like, I'm the Becca or they like I'm the Tanya. Like there's very like stinct.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The thing with Tanya, Tanya is probably my only friend who can be as needy as she is and still remains one of my best friends. You know, Like I don't know that I could have a whole slew of Tanya's. So she is definitely like that because all of my other friends are more like me, and they're in the sense they're independ and don't need like like if we hang out, we catch up r you know, there's no text in between or like reassurance that we love each other. And so I think with Tanya, it's more like I have to kind of shift my as much as I can, like my way of thinking, to like have sympathy and empathy and compassion when she is a little more needy than my other friends. But I'm very playful and make fun of all my friends. It's not I'm just sarcastic. That's not necessarily. I don't think I'm pushing her away in I never am trying to be Like.
If Tanya got a boyfriend and all of a sudden, you'd go a week or two without hearing from her, would that hurt your feelings? Would that make you sad?
No, I want to be honest. I would hope that it wouldn't be so drastic that you you know, I would, and I'd probably call you out and be like, hey, obviously you're in a relationship now and that's where your focus is. But like I do, like we're still friends.
I had hope that you would call me out if it was that drastic.
Yeah, I would do that.
I never friends do that again, Like.
I don't like when when girlfriends lose sight of that.
I feel like when you were with Robert, like I mean, you were very fully invested in your relationship, and I still didn't feel like I didn't have enough attention from you.
So does atleast you have a point here or no?
I see, I see her point, but I don't feel like that's necessarily the case in our friendship. I like adore Tanya, and I let her know even when, like we joke a lot about her neediness and she and she is needy, like she'll say it, but it's like, you know, we've kind of it's like, Okay, I I know who she is, she knows who I am. I know her personality. I know when it gets serious if she really needs my attention, and until then, I like to just.
Yeah, like Saturday night, I really needed her.
Oh my gosh, no, okay, yeah, I was gonna bring this up.
I was watching the super Bowl episode of This Is Us. I was a mess by myself and my FaceTime Becca because I just like needed somebody to like talk me off a ledge and I got the side buttoned her.
No, I just let it. I just watched it ring. Okay. But here's the thing. I'm in Santa Barbara with my other friends were like dancing, being like silly in the hotel room. If I had answered and you were like sobbing on the phone from This is Us, it would have really brought down Yeah. So I had to be like, okay, and.
Then what if it was something serious.
I would hope you text me and say, hey, I really need to tell you. But then I get on Twitter and she's all, I just watched this. I'm like, oh my god. I would have been so mad if I answered, because she called.
Me back to back twice and I would just like.
I was a mess. Yeah, I've answered every time. She's like been sobbing watching Danny Dye again. I'm like, okay, I yeah, this one's You're gonna have to call Pauline or something. All right.
Well, Bailey has another theory, oh Bailey, which is a great crazy anatomy.
Yeah, I love that.
Okay. So she wonders if your feeling of independence and being in control of your own feelings could be a result of your relationships on The Bachelor. In those relationships, the guys were in control and you were not given any assurance or confirmation or affirmation in regards to your feelings. You get broken up with it any minute, no matter what you did. I'm not sure I could be that vulnerable on a public platform, So major kudos to you. Also, do is the any chance y'all could bring Robert on again? His perspective on all this I'm rooting for both of you, ladies. Thanks for bringing so much joy to so many people. Oh that's nice.
And Bailey, Bailey, that's interesting. That is a really interesting question, Bailey.
I've actually thought about that because it was such a weird, like you are in such a weird place on that show mentally, and you don't have any of the control and all these producers like they're kind of telling you what you want to hear, and then next thing you know, you're in a limo being sent home, you know, And so it is kind of a weird mental like it plays a game with your head. I think, however, on the opposite side of that that show. Being on the show, it they really those interviews that you do, like that you see when it's just the person sitting in there. Those are like these mini therapy sessions where they really go into like why do you think you feel like this about like being closed off or whatever? Like, So I think I opened up more on those shows, even though it didn't seem I think more so on Ben's season because I was less like scared, right, But on Chris's season it was like I remember getting done, like getting home and being like wow, I feel like I learned a lot about myself. But I don't know. I wasn't. I wasn't so invested in either of those relationships.
But were you different, Like if you can think about like you're ditting life before the show.
Yeah, I mean I didn't have any I was. I was like crazy about this guy. We've talked about him, Dez, Like I just thought he was the greatest, and I still think he's amazing. But I was so like consumed by liking him that I never really dated or really I've always been kind of staying offish and like push guys away. I think push people away.
So it wasn't the show then, No, it wasn't the show.
But I do think there's something about I do maybe there is something about the show that I feel like, Oh, that rejection of like it could come at any point, Like that opened my mind to thinking, like you don't have control, Like you can lose control of the relationship at any point, regardless of the situation.
You're in, right right, Yeah, I'm wondering if I don't think I don't want to go there, I don't wait go I'm wondering if the Dees thing affected you more than you realize.
Like him not wanting me back. Yeah, yeah, I would think that there was like a there was part of that that was like I I because after I remember having this thought after in between like does and probably in between The Bachelor or whatever, where I thought, what a terrible feeling to want someone so much and not be able to do anything about it, Like you don't have control of their feelings, Like you only have control of your own feelings, right, And what a scary thing that, Like you could really fall for someone and have those feelings for someone and.
Did not fall for you.
Yeah, so common though I know, well, yeah, it's it's life, like, it's just it is what it is. But I remember thinking, like, what a helpless feeling to feel that way of, like, oh, I want that person so much and can't have them, and there's nothing I can do about it, no.
Matter how great I am feel, right, I.
Mean yeah, to an extent, anyone, anyone who likes someone who doesn't like them back, right, that feeling.
For those of us that don't know Dath, is there anything we should know about him?
Is he from your hometown or yeah he's from my hometown. Okay, he's amazing we're good. We grew up together and then I he like went off to college and Yale and I was in San Diego, so it was never like practical. But I just thought, but did you date.
At one point, like in high school or anything.
No, we just like would see each other when we were at home at the same time.
Or did you ever tell him that you had feelings for him? Yeah, it was like a psycho and he just it was like, I don't.
Like he liked me. It was just like never really enough to like do anything about it. You know. It was like he was so focused on what he was doing right in his life that it was like never enough to have like a across the country long distance relationship, like he liked me, you know, like we if we saw each other, you know, it was fine, but we just rarely saw each other. But yeah, I think there was like that. I remember that feeling after, like with the whole desk thing, like, oh, like it's so frustrating, so straight, Yeah, to have feelings for someone, Yeah, you can't fix it.
Is he off the market at this point or what do we know about him?
Yeah? I don't have any I don't know what his dating situation is he back in Louisiana or no, he's in New York. Okay, friends on social media and we're friends. Yeah, like we had he came in town recently and we went and had lunch and stuff.
But you don't know if he's in a relationship.
I don't think he's. He wasn't at the time. Okay, interesting, Yeah, so yeah, what was the question.
I don't think the Bachelor, But I do think there is really something to that, like when you're when you really like somebody so much and they don't feel that way about you, that really can leave a scar.
Sure.
Oh yeah, it's like do I go there again? Like do I let myself be a little bit crazy again only to be like rejected or for the feelings to not be reciprocated.
Jessica is mad at us I met at you, specifically Becca. She says, I'm an uncool thirty nine year old woman who doesn't really know what a hashtag is. But Becca's text on Tanya's phone seems like a good to use good time to use one hashtag? Disappointed, yeah, she says, considering how much crap you all gave Tanda for her text and she won and the supposedly unlimited options of numbers in Tanya's phone book. I'm so disappointed that Becka texted her brother. Since Tanya is so bad at opening lines, this was Becca's chance to give her some balls. Well, this is always next time. Thanks for a great podcast to help me through the week.
That's Jessica, one of the elder listeners. Okay, I actually thought a lot about this because I was a little bit disappointed myself too. I felt like there was there were so many options for me to text on your phone, but also I didn't know if it would I didn't want to do any damage.
To like potential Yeah I'm not potential.
Love, but just like I didn't want to do any like where you had to really climb yourself out of an awkward hole or something. I was thinking of you in that sense. It's so nice.
Well, I feel like and.
I also found a lot of pressure because we were doing it in the moment and I was like scrolling through your phone, I was like.
I know, and I have like Alison Schmidten there don't even know who that is, Alison.
That's true.
I have so many in my phone book that I don't even know.
Half of them. I feel like we should do another quiz and I'll do better.
Sorry for okay, So next week I'll come up with another Gray's Anatomy quiz. Or are we going to do a different quiz this time? Do you want this is Us?
Yeah? This is Us quiz?
Caught up, caught off, like, I'm not like as invested in that as I am a grades anatomy, you know what I mean? We were like, what's Randall's daughter's name? Be like tests and one other I don't know the other one's name.
By the way, how do you feel about the future Tests? That was cool?
I loved that, and she went watching it back when my sisters looked identical to like it was like, it was crazy.
That Super Bowl Sunday episode towards the end flash forward flash for our first flash forward on This is Us to Future Tests.
Remember she's getting she's so worker and she's getting the little boy ready to go to the new family. And then old rand.
Old Randall, Old great Randall.
I totally saw it, but totally missed that because I thought the episode was over, so I walked out of my room. But I saw that. I thought that they were getting into a boy that oh that wasn't that.
That was all fake.
The last like thirty seconds of this is us are always important. You don't walk out. Wow, I'm going to you probably missed so many and that was.
Cool, And I haven't seen the most recent one. It's because I need some recovery time on Super Bowl Sunday.
Yeah a lot.
Yeah, Like I was prepared for the Super Bowl Sunday, like my I was like ready for the emotions. You know, knew it was going to be sad. The next one after that, for some reason, just really really got to me.
And by the way, we should say that all this reaction to the therapist, we do have a life coach coming up today to talk to you about.
Oh yeah, so we got the therapist. I don't really know, I mean, what was it. So we were talking about it. It was like a psychiatrist focus on your path and what got you to the point of how you think now, and a life coach focuses on the future and how to kind of like work through those things to what your future goal is. Yeah. So we have Sharie Healy on the phone later on in the podcast, and she's gonna give me some more insight to my emotional problems when it comes to relationship.
Or emotional stability. I beck I might be getting right.
But before that, some of these emails some really tough issues in these emails this week.
Oh yeah, I'm ready, let's do it. I'm like kind of tired of talking about my own issues, so let's talk about others.
This is from anonymous. I normally don't talk about this, but you guys are so nice and open that I feel comfortable sharing this with you. I'm twenty three and I've never kissed a guy. When I was thirteen, I had a kind of boyfriend who wanted to kiss him, but I never did because of being afraid to do it the wrong way. Ten years later, still having to have my first kiss, and this prevents me from getting to know guys because I'm too scared to kik kiss anyone, so I don't even go on dates.
Right, She's like paralyzed.
Everyone says your first kiss is messy, awkward, and not good. Hence my fear. Adolescence was the time to do this and get out of my system and do it wrong. But I'm scared I'll suck at kissing for the first time and I'll mess up any date. Is the first kiss that bad. I need you guys to help me get over this awful and stupid fear. I love you so much and I'm so grateful this podcast exists.
I love this.
I did too. I feel bad for her.
I feel bad for her because it's one of those things that gets in her head. Yeah, I didn't. I was in my head and I was. I think I was sixteen when I had my first kiss, and I was. I remember felt like we kissed me like like French kids of this tongue, and I literally felt like I had just done the most dirty thing. When I walked into the house, I was like, I can't tell mom, his tongue was in my mouth, but it I don't remember thinking that, Oh my god, it was terrible. Yeah, I liked my first kiss.
I really don't think Anonymous, you can mess it up, like as long as you open your mouth, No, you don't. I'm gonna tell her, Hope, slightly put your tongue in their mouth, just gently. It's a very gentle tongue. Can't go wrong with it, right.
Okay, First of all, I think first kiss, she doesn't. I think she just focuses on the lips and how the lips move, and you don't try to do too much with the tongue. That's not too much.
She's gently rubbing his tongue.
Follow his lead, like the make the move.
Yeah, whatever he's doing, do it back.
Get that okay, Anonymous, listen to Mark. Follow his lead because most of the time, I'm assuming any guy that you kiss has probably kissed someone before. So follow what he does because he's just leading it and you can kind of see what he if he doesn't engage.
Give a little tongue back. It's a lot of tongue. Whatever you're comfortable with.
And here's the thing. If it's bad, it's like, oh, well you did it and then and then the next one will be better.
And I'm almost thinking of maybe you'd kiss a guy friend, like.
But that's our first kid.
That's interesting though it's not a bad idea to practice it, just just because she's so hung up on this.
I thought about it. That was my first suggestion, but then I was like, I think it's her first kiss. I don't know.
The first kiss was like drunk and didn't even remember it.
So it's like mine was like in the driveway with the guy that I really liked and snuck Tyler.
Tyler shout out.
Ryan Compton said, so you do remember I know he was drunk.
Oh, he was drunk.
We had him on the show to talk about it's so funny.
Should I call Tyler y? Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, look at this anonymous. You've got a whole bit.
We shouldn't do it now.
We could try it while you're looking that up. My first kiss was a girl named Tina, and I think I made this noise the whole time. It was not good happen. I don't know, but it was embarrassing, probably for her more than even for me. But I also remember kissing girl named Jamie and it was her first kiss and she opened her mouth so wide that I wasn't even sure where to begin. Just like fault, like you're gonna get like she's a the dentist. I'm like, I don't think this is how this is supposed to go. But how do you say that to something like you're doing it wrong?
I fel like mine was very simple. I don't remember there being any I mean, it'd be interesting to talk to him and see if he ever remembers it, But yeah, I think you just do it. I'm not opposed to the guy friend thing, and she has someone that she's comfortable enough with, but that not every girl just has like a super close guy friend that she could be like.
I know, no, but it will help me get over this nervousness about it. And if that would help you, anonymous, I say do that. If not, I don't. I personally think you shouldn't think about it so much.
Yeah, I don't think.
I feel like it's even more of an awkward conversation with a guy friend.
Like, hey, I'm saying unless it's like her best friend.
But it's such a rom com. Isn't it like she has the friend?
Okay, I love that idea. But if you don't have that, I think you go I have a dinner's dinners. You have dinner and drink one of my I can't talk.
You go and have dinner and drinks. You think Kile's just gotten to his pants, let.
Him take the lead and make the move. That's my advice.
All right, we're gonna try Tyler.
I texted him, Oh oh wait, this is so intriguing. What did he say? He said, what podcast? Which I'm a little bit of scrubbing in duh. While we're waiting. Let's do another email.
Okay.
Oh, also, I want to say anonymous thank you for trusting us and feeling comfortable.
Yeah.
We literally have the best listeners. Like I actually cry this weekend reading some of these messages.
This one's brutal. This is Katie and she has a really difficult decision. So after college, she moved a couple of hours away from her family and her boyfriend who is now her husband, for a job. She loves her job, very close with her family, though, and she misses being near them. Some jobs have opened up near her family so she could move back home, but she and her husband have been struggling with infertility and have been referred to a specialist. The insurance at her current job would cover fertility treatments, the job in her hometown would not. Do I move home and go into debt to have a child, or miss out on my family memories and have a child debt free. That is rough?
Okay, Wait say it again.
This is a choice. Stay where she is and have insurance pay for her fertility treatments, but remain so far away from her family.
How many hours away she.
Said, a couple of hours? Or does she move back home to that job. Fertility treatments would put her in debt, but her families around can help with anything.
This is what I think. I think she stays has, stays at her current job, tries to get pregnant, and and gives it a certain amount of time. If she gets pregnant, then she I feel like she should see if she can get pregnant with because how many can't you do? Like it's like one round or something and then you have to wait a while and then you do another. Yeah, yeah, fertility treatment.
I think, so I don't.
I'm not like you do one round.
I wish we knew, Like, is the job offer not going to be like is it gone forever?
I mean, I think it's like most job offers.
Yeah, it's not like it's going to come back.
You never know. I mean, something could open up again. But this is there now.
My gut is telling me that she should be close to her family and that sometimes those things, you know what I mean, sometimes like these sticks and these doctors say that your chances are so low and you never know, you know, it's a tough one.
I do like the idea of staying at the job until she gets pregnant and then looking around at possibilities back home. Like, in these situations, you always want to try to leave it up to the universe as much as you possibly can. And I'm not sure how to do that exactly, but maybe you just kind of stay the course for now until you get pregnant and then you can see what opens up. Because if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
Yeah, I mean I I'm all like in my head, like my first thing is thinking this would be one of those situations where I like really pray about it and say, like, shit, show me something that's right, gives me an answer, because there's not really like a perfect answer here. Because obviously, if you're with your family while you're struggling through this, it's nice to have them around to like be with you and support you through it. However, if you have the opportunity to have a company pay for it. But I have friends who struggled and got pregnant through fertility treatment and then they got pregnant without that. Yeah, this moving.
Home doesn't feel meant to be right now. I think it will feel meant to be in the future when you have a baby and they can help you look after it. I don't think it's happening right now. That's my gut on this.
I mean this one.
That's a tough one.
All right. Let's move on to Alexia, who has been on and off with their boyfriend four and a half years now. They were each other's first, but not only because they've been not a off oh rt it okay. As the relationship has grown, they've become more serious about marriage on the horizon, so she's talked to him about not having sex until they're married, even though they've already had sex. Sex before marriage has always been a big deal to me and something I've wanted to save, even though we've obviously messed that up. I like the idea of honoring this practice for the time that we do have left. Whenever I bring it up, he goes along with it and says yeah, sure, and then does not honor that later, and then it gets hurt when I bring it up in the moment. So what are y'all's thoughts? Am I silly for wanting to do this so late? Should I let it go? How do I really get him on board? By the way, I'm from Texas, we're both twenty three love the podcast, Becca, you should definitely be the next bachelorette.
Oh no, no, no to that last part.
I mean I would love it.
I this is I totally relate to this, Like we'll just like being with someone and you've already gone to that place and then you're like, well I want to I want to wait, like I want to save myself, and it's like you've you've already feel like all right, we already mess that up, like waiting, So what's the point now? But I think there is in like Tanya and I have talked about this, like wanting to make that decision and honor it and like really stick to it because you haven't up until this point, which is fine. And it's like if if you're okay with that, but if you if you in your heart like genuinely want to wait, and he loves you and wants to honor you, then he should be willing to wait with you. Yeah. I think that it does make it harder once you've gone there.
Though.
Tany's got a good perspective because she's not a virgin and yet she wants to now save herself for marriage.
Correct.
It's interesting because like it is a decision that I made for myself, you know what I mean, Like it's something that I decided that I wanted to do, and but it is I also haven't gone to that point with anybody since I've made that decision, do you know what I mean?
Like it has gotten intimate.
Yeah, so right now it's I don't want to say it's come easy, but it's like a decision that I made and a decision that I want to honor. But I haven't been put into a compromising position. But I do think that if it's something that's important to you, I think that you should talk to him about it. And I don't think that you know what I mean the like, oh well we've already I think that you know. Everybody I don't want to say makes mistakes. It's not saying saying that you sleeping with him as a mistake. But if it's something that you really want to do, I don't think the fact that you have slept together should change that. I think you should wait until you get married and honored that to yourself. I think there's a value in what's the word delayed gratification.
I'm going to give you the guy's perspective on this. Okay, why what's the point We've already done that. Why can't we just keep doing that? It's not your first time, we've already been If I'm this guy, I don't get it. And honestly, I'm sitting here right now reading this, I don't get it.
But what if she if that's what she wanted, would you be would I think I'd.
Have a hard time with that?
Really?
Yeah, I know it's hard because, like I think, you have to almost go into the relationship knowing.
Does that make sense?
Yes? I do think so.
Yeah, like you can't you're saying like it can't be like you bring that on halfway through? Yeah, kind of.
I get. Here's what I get. I get wanted to save yourself from marriage. I get that. I even get Tanya's situation where I've done it before, not that she regrets doing it, but at this point she'd like to not do that again. I get that. I don't get here. Let me give you an example. Tanya. We know that you've been with nine men. You've said that on the radio and more than one.
Yeah, on accident. This is how this came up. By the way we were doing like it was like I'll never forget it because my mom texted me. It was like seriously, there was like a stat and it was like, women around the age of thirty, the average woman has slept with.
Ten people.
Yeah, right, something like that.
No it was eight. I can't remember. It was some number. And Ryan literally turns to me and he goes, Tanya, is that right? And I was like yeah. I was like, no, that's not my number, and no.
No, you're definitely less.
Yeah than ten, definitely less than ten, but more than eight.
That an accident.
It was though, like it came out, so I think the number was ten. So I was like, no, no, I've done less than ten. But then I think the number was eight.
That's what it was. The number was eight. What about your telling you, oh, I've been with more than eight but less than ten. Because she suddenly wanted to play I want people to think I'm miscuous. Definitely less than ten, no double digit, right, But since then we found out that she wants to keep it there.
Yeah, So my question for you is this, So the husband you're playing number, but.
Let's what if the man of your dreams turns out to be one of the previous nine And you said to that.
Personally because we've already slept together. Yes, I would say, I don't I want to save this for Marrik.
You would stick to it in that situation, yeah, knowing that that's going to be weird for him since you've already done that. Yeah, Okay, Well my only advice for Alexia is you better want this real bad because it's going to be an issue for him. So if this really means that much to you, then stick to your guns. But really think about how much it means to you.
I was say, if it really means a lot, to stick to it, but also understand why he might get his feelings hurt or be it'd be hard for him, Like you, be empathetic towards why he might be confused or like frustrated.
And then maybe you guys can get married soon.
Get married this month, I mean of marriage. And Tyler says he is five to ten minutes. Okay, Colleen, Hey Tyler, I'm good. I was just calling. Well, we have Tanya on the line, we have mark online and we have online Tyler man. We are talking about we got an email from a listener and she has not had her first kiss yet. We started we got on the topic of first kisses, and I didn't think that mine was that bad. It has like a tip. People have a typical, you know, thought process of thinking the first kiss is awkward and messy. But I wanted to get your if you even remember what the first ki? Yeah, what did you think I.
Want to hear about yours?
First? Well?
I thought I remember we were out in my driveway. That's correct, you're standing by the car. I used to sneak out to go see Tyler. It was like the most rebellious thing I ever did my parents, but I don't know why. They didn't like you, but they didn't.
Wait, Tyler, was Becca your first kiss as well?
No, no, it was.
It was.
You said that you thought it wasn't that bad, but you were definitely short and awkward about it.
Yeah, I was. It scared me. I was like, oh my gosh, it was. It was similar in the sense that I built it up, you know, I think.
I was you and then you ran away?
Did I run?
I mean it wasn't a run. It was kind of like a brisk walk back inside.
Yeah.
How old were you?
A good question?
I think I was sixteen, but I may have could have been fifty no, I think I was sixteen. Yeah, this is a lot that.
You had definitely built it up to be a big deal because I think I got attended a few other times, and you like turned your cheek a time, I think, and then once it happened, you like shortened shortened the experience by like doing the cheek turn again, and then you briskly walked inside.
I was selling them, I remember, because as soon as your tongue went in my mouth, I was like, I feel like I just did something really bad.
I'm I'm glad we're talking about and.
Now just really wanted to get the details of this.
Yeah, for sure.
So it was great for you, is what you're saying.
Basically, you're saying it was a ten out of ten.
I thought I heard Becca. I thought that she didn't enjoy it.
I do have to say, though, this conversation was really enlightening. The fact that you kissed him and ran away.
Yeah, this is the story of my life.
Yeah, yeah, always Yeah. Did this lead to more kissing between the two of you?
Your face.
The fine?
Not a lot, not a lot a lot.
So maybe she didn't like it.
You don't remember make out sessions with tylers, but.
Yeah, well, Tyler, thank you for now I now I feel like we have more insight into who I am as a person. So it all like brings things all back around full circle. So awesome. Yeah, thank you for for taking time to rehash with me with us.
If y'all need anything else.
He remembers a lot of detail for it not being his first kiss.
I remember a lot of people love kissed.
Yeah, I mean I remember most of my first kisses. We only had one. I'm sorry. I remember a lot of my first kisses with guys. You know, I had the first kiss with each guy.
But I do have to say I am glad that we called Tyler because I think we really like got a little insight into this is.
But let me tell you about I was scared because my parents didn't really like me hanging out with him, and I really don't know it was I don't really know why. Who knows he could have like not made the basketball team. Oh, I don't think that was a problem. But that's sweet that it's sixteen.
Your first kiss was such a big deal too. I think that's sweet because so many sixteen year olds are doing so much more than that.
I know, like it was very special to me. And that's why with this girl, even though she's twenty three and like it's like, just like you said, paralyze in her head about it, I think that it is special still, like it's a first kiss and it should be something that she remembers and like has whether it's awkward and terrible or like the best thing of her life. It should be like a moment, you know.
I know. I mean, how old are people now in that hall? It's like it's like seven.
Well, actually, I have heard that it's going in the other direction. Somewhat. It's not totally going in the other direction, but I've heard that that less kids are experimenting sexually than they used to be.
Oh that's nice.
There's less teen sex last teen pregnancies than before for whatever reason.
Oh that's good news.
I think that is good news.
Yeah. I remember in sixth grade when I this guy asked me, how do we already talk about this? About this? How far I would go? And I didn't know there was in between, like sex and kissing, and so I said everything, But I think I said something like everything but the bed, Like that's what that was my response. So then it was like this whole thing that I was just like, down to do it all. I'm like, oh, I would just meant kissing, right, that's all I meant holding hands kissing.
Maybe here it is.
Today's youth ases thirteen to nineteen, compared to those in previous decades, are less likely to engage in adult activities including alcohol, dating, sex, driving a car, and getting a job.
Yeah not the job thing.
Right, But it's all I think it's all part of the delayed development of millennials. These days. They're living with their parents longer, they're putting off jobs longer. They don't care about getting a car at sixteen because they're getting rides everywhere. All part of that delayed development is factored.
Into this great interesting Well. Part of me getting my mojo back is kind of getting fit. Yeah, I wanted to fit. I've wanted to get fit for a long time. It's just actually doing it, leaving my house to do it. But with Beach Body workouts, you don't have to leave the house. Beach Body is an online fitness streaming service that gives you unlimited access to a wide variety of highly effective, world class workouts, personalized to meet your needs.
So that's why I think it's so awesome because like some days, like and I like to work out, but some days, you know, you want.
To have like a little bit lesser of a workout.
You don't want to go out a ten And you can pick like yoga or weight training or like there's like different types of workouts that you can choose from. So it's actually really nice.
I know, it's really nice. And you can kind of choose if you don't want to focus on your abs, you can do just your legs or just your arms. And also it includes extensive nutritional content, so that's all of it's proven to help you people achieve their health and health and fitness goals, which I struggle with both fitness and health.
Say that the abs are made in the kitchen.
Yeah. I always get a little like stressed out when people say it's more about how you eat rather than how much you work out, because yikes, but this is convenience, yeah, because we got to talk about that in a second. But Beach Body has it all so you can kind of follow their guides and kind of choose what you want to focus on, and it's all right there on demand.
Yeah, the keyword is on demand because convenience.
It's accessible on your computer or any device. You don't have to go to a gym or schedule class, and your annual subscription is cheaper than a gym membership like the one I'm still paying. Beach Body on Demand has programs for any fitness level. There are over six hundred different.
Workouts ranging amazing.
Yeah, six hundred different workouts ranging from cardio to weight training, yoga, low impact, and dance. If you really want to get down, you actually need to give this to try. It's so fun, it's easy, it's it's ideal for anyone who doesn't like to go to the gym or leave the house.
Yeah, and it is like it's a big step, you know, like you're investing in yourself. Yeah, why wouldn't you?
Very important? Right now, you can get a free trial membership when you text Beca to thirty thirty thirty, you will get full access to this entire platform for free, all the workouts and nutrition information for free. So all you have to do is text Beca to thirty thirty thirty and that's Beach Body on Demand.
So I'm sorry if you what should you text to thirty thirty thirty.
Becca, Thank you, Mark. I was panicking trying to figure out how we could do.
So I did. I mean, Panica saw the thirty thirty and then beat out. I was like, I can't damn, I canna do it.
Okay, So last week we had a psychiatrist on to analyze me in my emotional state with.
Relationships, and we had a breakthrough.
We did have a breakthrough, and now this week we have Shari who is a life coach. And I would like to know the difference because I'm I can get all the i'd like I can. I'll take all the help I can get. That's true. Sure, we're so happy to have you. How are you?
I'm so good it's crazy to be here things.
Yeah. So I'm just like a slightly emotionally distant person and need any advice that I can get how to break Well.
Let's set the O R room up for her. Wow, so let's really break it down for her. What what is it like? You know, set the scene?
I'm setting it? Yeah, Okay, So I tend to have invisible emotional walls up, but I haven't been able to quite figure out where they come from or or what's caused them. We kind of discussed with a psychiatrist last week that I am nervous.
You're gonna nervous, duck.
Yeah, I'm nervous of getting stuck in a relationship, Like if I choose to get married and commit to forever, I'm scared of what happens down the line if we get to a place where I feel stuck.
Right right, Okay, Well let's break this down. The difference between the psychiatrist and like what I do. There are lots of different flavors of life coaches, but I would say the probably simplest difference is that I'm really looking at moving forward. You know, sometimes in psychiatry psychology, we look at what got you to where you are today, We look at the past, whereas I'm like, you're at point A. You want to get to point B. You probably want to be in love or free in a relationship, not having this fear of being stuck anymore, and so we look at how do we get you there? And I call myself, like, another term for life coach in my mind is possibilitarian. That's what I call myself because I'm really obsessed with I'm locking all the possibilities for you. Right there are all kinds of ways we could figure this out. So that's really what I'm good at.
Good. I'm like I said, I like that.
Yeah, it's great. It just feels like you have these fears. Are these sort of invisible walls for a very good reason. I believe there's always a great reason, right, And we could do all kinds of digging to figure out why they're there, or we could just sort of look at I have a couple other questions for you, like what what do you think relationship means to you? What is it equal if you get into a relationship? Is that equal I'm eventually going to be stuck?
Oh actually, maybe a little not. I think maybe the thought that comes is that initial what happens if I get stuck? But I also think I think I think my thing is when I think of a good relationship as both parties being happy and willing to compromise and in a like good communication. That's kind of what I think of and just adding happiness to each other. Because I'm pretty content and happy on my own. So I've never thought of a relationship as someone to complete me. I've always thought of it as someone to add to me. And so if a relationship causes more stress and anxiety of feeling stuck. Then in my head, I'm like, that's not adding to me.
Right exactly, And I think that's a great measure. It should be that this is life enhancing, right, that's right, brings something to each other that we couldn't get on our own. Otherwise we'd all be single, right, right, So what's the ultimate goal of relationship?
Then?
The ultimate goal is just to be able to give each other happiness.
Right to have a companion.
Yeah, and if you had this idea that, oh my god, what if I get stuck? Though, I'd answer that question what would I do if I get stuck? Let's stare that straight in the face and be like, if that's the worst case scenario and you got married and you felt like, oh my god, I am now stuck, what would you do?
I don't know. I think that's that's where I struggle because part of me, if I'm committing to forever with someone and that's that's what I choose when I marry them, then I would hope that I would work through that feeling of being stuck and figure out why I feel that way.
Yeah, that's what you commit to then you don't commit to, Like I think the idea forever just right, there is a whole lot of pressure, and it's a blueprint that we all have, Like, we all have this idea of forever. It's what our culture says we should do. But maybe if you looked at all, right, well, I will just become the girl who learns all the ways to have great communication. I'll learn all the ways to bring happiness in relationship. I'll learn about this guy and what he uniquely needs, and I'll do all those things. Like there's just a skill gap that a lot of us have, right because we didn't learn this stuff in school, Like I would be really so much better off as I think most of us would have. It's like right alongside calculus skills, you know, and communication one on one and things like this. So we just as adults get to go out and find teachers and people who've learned these things and know that whatever block you hit, whatever wall you come across, you'll find a way to take it down if you love that guy, right, I think.
That's kind of what the well and the conclusion in my head is maybe it's not so much about I mean, I think there are definitely walls and things that I need to work on as an individual on how I think of relationships, but also could be as simple as I haven't met the right person that I'm ready to.
Make that commitment to amen, because I've heard a couple of the other podcasts and I know about is it Robert? Is that the one?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, you're kind of.
Missing for a while, right, yeah. I think that he he would have had that impact on you, that effect that I call like resonance, when somebody comes in and they literally amplify you, They make you like a greater, happier, more relaxed version of yourself. And then in that way, you do anything for each other, you know, And it would be simple like you just see certain blends, right, certain couples come together and it's just like wow, so natural, and others have to work so hard. And I think that when that guy Waltz is into your life, a lot of those fears are going to go away, right, A lot of the walls because there's a protection app right. Some people make us feel like we need to go into protect mode. And the right guy is I mean it may not be instantaneous, but when he learns you there are ways in which you'll just relax.
Yeah, and right.
Now, I feel like you have this need for comfort and certainty.
Right.
You love being home a lot. You love your life, Like you've said, you have this dating apathy, right, because your life's already so great, right, and you've got it kind of dialed. So the only way to shift out of that is if somebody came into your life that may, like say, love or fun and excitement sort of more important than the comfort and the vibe that you're already in.
Yeah. I agree with that, and that's why everyone. You know, there's the positive side of the way my personality works is that when someone does come that affects me differently, it'll be very noticeable. Rather than if I was just excited about everyone.
I think, Yeah, then all of a sudden, you'd be like, off the couch, let's go, you know, when you get on your couch and would blend right into your life.
You know.
Well, that's where I think the problem were. What do you think the problem, Tanya? What do you think the problem is?
I think that was the issue, but it wasn't so much that I don't think you're ever going to truly. I don't think you're ever going to be like goo googlega, like I'm obsessed with the person. I want to spend every second with them. I think you need somebody that's going to balance you out. And I think that the two of you just didn't see eye to eye on things like that, If that makes.
Sense interesting, you know what I mean?
Yeah, Like he wanted you to be one way and you wanted it to be another way, and you neither neither one of you were willing to compromise.
Right, Like it neither neither one of us was wrong, correct, because you both wanted what you want. Yeah, Like we both had desires what we wanted a relationship and they just didn't match up, match it totally. Yeah.
And you know what would be like the most loving, wonderful thing if we all did this when we first meet someone, is compare notes on that, like what is it that you're looking for? You know, we don't share the vision that we have for a relationship or really what we're looking for because we're too afraid to ask or just feels awkward to put that out there early on. But that would save us a whole lot of time and heartbreak.
I think, Yeah, I mean I agree, but I think I mean I would into that one knowing that, you know, I I he knew my personality type, and it was kind of almost like, let's let's see if since I had never really been in a serious relationship, it was like, I don't know how I act once I'm in a serious relationship, so let's see how it goes. So there was. It was weird because we were friends and he knew my personality. It was just kind of, you know, we got to a place where didn't it work.
I have a question for you. Sorry, Yeah, My question is your parents you've mentioned, are in a perfect relationship together thirty years, each other's best friend. It's such a great marriage. Do you feel pressure to live up to that? Do you feel like there's no way you could ever have a relationship that's as perfect as your parents, the one you've seen your whole life.
No, I never felt pressure like that.
Okay, I ever send the question?
Well, no, I mean it's kind of like I'm I'm I'm like a separate person in them, you know, like there's they met at a very different time and the world and life, and I think things are very different now and with my generation. But I think that's I've always been like, oh, I'd love to have that, but I've never felt like, oh if it's not like theirs.
Then people ask me that too, they say, are you do you think you're scared of being a relationship because you're gonna get divorced like your parents and how you know? And I'm like, no, I loved my like I loved my parents together. I loved them divorced like I loved the whole thing. So that was never like to me, divorce is an equal pain.
It's interesting because I just feel like our parents affect every relationship they have, right, because that's the one that we saw the first twenty years of our life.
Totally. Yeah, I think that's very true.
Well, I think we gets here.
I get to that back a year about freedom, right. You don't want to be stuck, and I think the ultimate relationship frees you to be like the best version of yourself. And I ended up in a situation where I'd said I was never going to get divorced, never, never, never, because my parents did and I wanted to avoid that with my kids. Ten years in, I realized we absolutely had to get divorce and we just engineered this incredible best friend, modern family, happy we still go on family vacations with our kids kind of situation. Because I was like, I'm not going to do it the broken way, so I'll just do it in a way that's really beautiful. I call him my husband. I don't even want to call him my ex. And there's just if you if you just own that you're always going to be free somehow, you'll always find a way. I think that enables you to be much more fluid in whatever comes.
Yeah, I mean I think I feel like we got a lot of I feel like I got a lot of information.
Yeahds the process to think processes. Sorry, I have a little bit of a listen. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to us today.
Yeah, thank you, Yeah, anytime you guys. It was great.
And then you have a website. Will you tell everyone your website?
I do.
It's sriheey dot com and it's stubbed c h E R I e h e A l e Y. And I'm really just about helping people soak all the possibilities in life, love and work.
I love that. Well, thank you for joining us on the show. And hopefully we'll talk to you soon.
Absolutely, take care, guys.
Thanks bye bye.
Okay, well that was it. What are you doing?
I sent a tweet on to Rhina, said Ryan seacrests, I just love you so much. Thank you for literally being the greatest brother in the world. Mears, but I said, happy to be your big bro and potentially Tim Tebow's brother in law.
Did he did he actually tag Tim Tebow?
Well, then he's sure. Wow, that is a breakthrough moment. You're so red it's embarrass.
All right, Beca. You wanted to say something about pop tarts?
Okay, So my favorite pop tarts growing up were the chocolate vanilla pop tarts, and they discontinued them at some point in my life, like like a few years ago, and I've just been very upset about it. And they brought them back as like a fiftieth anniversary or something, and then and then they took them back away from me. So the other day, I'm randomly thinking about these pop tarts. I'm like, I'm gonna tweet them and see if they like have any intention.
You may have a problem. Okay, Yeah, who's randomly thinking about a certain favor?
Someone wrote me about a pop tart and then I like started, I.
Don't even judge it because I get this excited about the farmer's market, so like.
Okay, thank you for relating to it. Yeah, okay. So I tweet them and I'm like, dear pop Tarts, please bring back the chocolate vanilla pop tarts. They're my favorite. I was like, imagine loving something for so long and then it being taken away from you. It's just like Jack Pearson, like, please bring them back. Yeah. Literally, I just happened to go click on their page. The first tweet is guess who's back, and it was the chocolate vanilla pop tarts they posted eleven hours before I wrote. So it's almost like the synergy.
Yeah, you'n so many pop tarts that you've like become one with them.
I know.
I'm like in sinc Yeah, so when are they bringing them back?
It says they're back. So I got to go to the store check it out.
Should I try one of these?
Yes? With butter on it. I'll listening to vanilla one with butter. It's chocolate vanilla, it's chocolate like crust and it has like cream like vanilla cream inside.
Okay, I'll try one bite. I'll try one bite.
I would try. I mean, I love I love hot, I don't eat I love pop. I would not but here.
Oh my gosh, I'm bringing Yeah, there's one bite with butter. It's one bite.
If I'm gonna do it, you can, okay, fine?
Yeah? True.
Also, you don't like themorest.
Ones, so I'm more apple. Apple is great.
He likes pies like I do, like piever I.
Do like pie over cake. Yeah, yeah, we need But first, what are you guys doing for Valentine That? It's actually very sweet what you guys doing for Valentine? Stay so talking about that.
I'm very excited about Valentine's Day This year. We're going to Children's Hospital in Orange County.
Making Valentine grams.
Yeah, with all the chill, I hope there's gonna be What were we gonna be like in the little studio? Yeah? Yeah, it was. It's every time I've gone down there, I leave feeling just so grateful and like they are. It's it's something very special that they have down there.
Yeah, and Caara, we should shout out to Kara. Kara is an actual angel that lives on Earth.
So I was studying in call it. When I went to school, that was my major was to do what Karen does. And after like being around her and seeing what she does, I'm like, she's everything i'd want to be if I were in that position.
Yeah, so strong though, like so so strong.
What if we decided Grace quiz next week or something. I guess we have to do grace right.
I took the hardest Grace quiz the other day. I got two answers right, Oh wow, it was bad.
Yeah, I think great.
Come on, Okay, another grayce Anatomy quiz next week and this will be the all one because and then we'll.
Actually I'm gonna I'll get down and dirty on.
It won't be an anti climax like the last couple of beds.
No, No, that was just a practice round.
Well, start thinking about what you're gonna do, because I'm going to we need to make it.
Look through your phone to really see who my options are.
Good luck, And will you watch last week's Grace or are you just gonna skip it?
Because nobody seemed to go I know, I'm totally gonna watch it. I just like I didn't. Oh oh this is what happened. I so it came on Thursday night and I wasn't home to watch it live, and then uh the next day to watch it on Hulu. My WiFi was out all day and then I went to Stanta Barbara. That's why I haven't watched it yet.
Wait, what else are we gonna do before next week? Oh, we're gonna go out. We're gonna get your mojo back.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna do that. I wanted to say a quick thank you to our guest life coach Sari Heally and Tyler my first kiss. Thank you for reaffirming that I have always been emotionally distanced so stunt outna. I sent it too, but I was like, that's harsh for myself. Thank you for all your emails. We literally live for them. They're our favorite part of the show. I have to say please keep sending them in scrubbing in at iHeartMedia dot com. Next week we'll do another grace quiz. We'll check the status of my mojo see if we got anything back. And until then, ti'me a death Oh no, thirteen oh five.
I get so sad when that's over.
