Ridiculous HistoryBadass of the Week, with Ben Thompson - Part 1: History's Most Ridiculous Friendly-fire Incident
War has always been a chaotic, messy endeavor -- and, sometimes, it's downright ridiculous. In this week's special two-part series, the guys welcome returning special guest Ben Thompson, creator of Badass of the Week, to learn more about the bizarre turn of events that led to the Battle of Karánsebes. In part one, Ben introduces the gang to the legendary 'enlightened despot,' Joseph II, a guy who, diplomatically put, took self-confidence to a whole new (and possibly undeserved) level.
Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartRadio.
Welcome back to the show, Ridiculous Historians. Thank you, as always so much for tuning in. Let's hear it for the man, the myth, the legend of Friendly Fire. Our super producer, mister Max Williams.
Hello, Max Williams.
Yes, Max Williams. Now, who are those dulcet tones? We may be asking ourselves. It's none other than Noel.
Brown and Ben Balen. That's you.
You two have dulcet tones, and together we make we should start a like a like a like a kind of a do wop band called the Dulcet Tones.
There we go, There we go. We could do boys to men? Is that a name that's already a thing?
ACBBD, BVD or BBD.
I've never fully understood.
I love it, man, I would love it. We actually, uh, in the past, have hung out outside of our our daily remit.
Uh.
No, we are, as you know, fans of Ridiculous History. We are especially fans of bad asses. This is a pretty blatant segue, because, oh, friends and neighbors, we are joined with a guy. Now, I know I sound biased because his name is also Bet, but you're you remember a little while back we talked with the guy who created the concept of a Badass of the week. That's right, folks, we are joined today with none other than the creator of Badass of the Week, an ongoing exploration of history that is ridiculous in the most amazing way. Please join us in welcoming the one and only Ben Thompson.
Hello, thank you guys for having me on the show. I regret to inform you that I do not have dulcet tones and I am not appearing with a badass today.
You're the only badass we need, and don't sell your tones short, buddy, there are plenty dulls.
No, you're in the band, for sure. You're you're in the band.
Okay, all right, I'll take it. I'm not gonna say no.
You know, what's your voice? What's your vocal register? Are you like a baritone tenor?
I don't know, I don't know.
I have I'm at the level where I have a list of songs on my telephone that I cannot stray from if I put my name in for karaoke. Yeah, I generally stick to like cake and the violent fems and bands that don't involve singing just speak the words, you know, that kind of thing.
I respect that, but yeah, yeah.
I have this list and it's like, these are the ones that I know, because you know, there's nothing worse with karaoke than getting up there and the music starts and you do the first line of the song. You're like, uh, oh, not only do what? Can I not sing this? But I don't know all the words to it? And it's super long.
You know.
You get up there, like everybody will sing along and you start and you're like, I can't do this.
Nobody's singing along. You're like, I just want to die. I just want to put the.
Mic a rookie mistake, Bohemian Rhapsody. Never It's almost as bad as doing like Stairway to Heaven. But I do have to say the most important thing when it comes to karaoke and history is going the distance.
Yes, yes, you can make up for a lot of lack of talent with effort.
Oh my gosh, I'm feeling very cold out now. But uh but speaking of talent, speaking of effort and acumen, Ben, congratulations on one hundred episodes of.
Badassk Yeah recently, So that's awesome, you know, the website started in four so the website can drink.
Now, that's how old that is.
And now the podcast at one hundred episodes, so you know that's you know, the good news is it's hard to run out of badasses to talk about in history, which I love really fun. You know, every time I do an episode, every week, I do one episode, but I get like five recommendations for somebody I haven't written about before. So the list continues to get bigger.
And yet you say, you come to us today, badass free. What's that about? Explain yourself, sir.
So Badass of the Week comes out on Tuesdays, and I'm gonna, you know, double post this on my feed, this episode on my feed. But for me, this episode will be released on April Fool's Day, so I always, you know, it's rare. I used to update the website on Fridays. The podcast comes out on Tuesdays, but whenever, like the exact day lands on April Fools, I like to try to do something fun. So today, rather than talk about a badass, I want to talk about the dumbest battle in history as far as I'm.
Consuming, which is you know, that's a that's a that's a competitive list.
It's a competitive list, and you would think it would be really difficult to pick the dumbest battle in history.
You know, I'm in I'm in Washington State. We had a pig war here where we.
Know what the pig war. We did the pig war, didn't we, Ben? We did the pig war.
We had to. There was a war uh entirely based on a guy losing an ear.
Uh yeah jenkins ear.
Yes, yeah.
They put it in the name, something about throwing potatoes from a submarine. I seem to remember that one. I do have to say, though, Ben, I hope that the the ridiculousness of this battle really makes up for a mega dry episode on the Russo Japanese War that we did recently.
Russo Japanese War is pretty bad ass. Like Admiral Telle Yes, nuts like that. That Battle of Tsushima is insane.
So Ben set the scene for us first off. Also, clearly I'm biased because I love other people named Ben. I'm sorry. I don't want to make it weird, but I do want to be Trys.
You're making it a little weird.
Honestly, I'm going for you guys collectively as the Benz.
All right, the Benz. Yeah yeah, yeah, so sounds dangerous.
Baby's got the Benz.
So let's cast our memories back to first off, start this way, Ben Noel, Max Fellow, ridiculous historians have yet ever traveled to Austria.
When I was a young German boy, I most likely set foot in Austria, but not since then, No, I don't believe.
So.
I was in exchange student to Germany in nineteen ninety six and we drove down to Bavaria. We crossed over to Saltzburg and I went to the castle there. I saw Mozart was born, and I climbed up to the top of the castle there. That was pretty cool.
Did you see where Arnold Schwarzenegger was born?
I did it.
But I learned something interesting about Arnold recently that made me laugh. Apparently this is going to be one of I'm sure many segues that I'm gonna are gonna I learned about Arnold recently that he wanted to when the Terminator came out. He wanted to do the German dub of the Terminator because he speaks German and it's going to be released in Germany. But apparently he is from some mountain town in Austria, and he has some like super rednecky German accent, And so they were like, no, nobody will believe that the sophisticated cyborg killing machine from the future talks like a hillbilly. So we're gonna with somebody else with a much more like appropriate German accent.
Oh wow, all right, I love it. And it goes to show that even the most modern badass has a couple things that stay with them.
Yes, you know, nothing's perfect, right, nobody's perfect.
Nothing's perfect right, And even the most sophisticated militaries can sometimes step on their own.
Toes, foisted on their own petard.
So take us, like, we're not just spinning our wheels here, right, We're not just uh, we're not just flexing our leader hosen or what have you. You do.
They are a little tighter, Well, they have like suspender esque Well, when you do those oompa dance moves, you gotta have they gotta have a little give to it, or you might, you know, rip the back out, you.
Know, Yeah, yeah, that'd be dangerous. That's worse than trying to do Bohemian rapsy to karaoke. Blowing out your leader.
By the way, guys, uh umpa version of Bohemian Rhapsody, just saying, just putting that out there.
The world needs this, so sorry, carry on.
Please, let's call let's call weird al on this, Let's get top men.
I'm sure it might. Maybe it's been done. I don't know. I feel like there's so many verse sets.
A version of everything. Yeah, so that's sort of the whole deal.
I love that. I love that there's a new version of everything. Uh Ben, tell us what friendly fire is?
Okay, friendly fire is when you shoot your own guys by accident. They call it friendly fire. It's not that friendly. It's when you accidentally shoot your own guys on your own on the same side as you go.
It is, you know, and in like certain shooter games, if I'm not mistaken, there's like a difficulty level I think where you can friendly fire is a thing you can't. Actually, there are certain games where you can kill your own team.
Yeah, you'll get banned from from team killing in some games. And yeah, like it's a it's a thing, and like you know.
A bit of an own goal as they say, yeah, sport.
Yes, And so when we are going to talk about the Battle of karen Sevi's here. It's referred to as a battle, but it's such a friendly fire incident that sometimes it's referred to as just that, a friendly fire incident and not a battle. But I always have seen it written as the Battle of karen Sevies, and I think it is the stupidest battle in history. So we're going to talk about it and the battle here. We're in a time period that can sometimes be a bit of a of a black hole, even for like historians. We are in the seventeen hundreds in Eastern Europe, which is the time in which everything is fluid, and you have this kind of the height of the Habsburg Empire, the Holy Roman Empire, and there's a lot of weird politics that.
Happened at this time period.
I'm gonna and the Ottomans are still in play, right.
Yes, the Ottomans are still in play.
And so before they thought they were thought of as.
Furniture, right yes, yes, back when they were still the Ottomans and they were not Trichia yet they were the Ottoman Empire.
They're around what's what's an Ottoman? That's the thing you put your feet on, right, yes, that's not cool. You don't want to be remembered for that bit of a dormat kind of situation.
They invented it. I think.
I think it gets its name because it was a thing that they were using, and I think it was like, I think it was fancy, like when they first sat.
Oh, this is exactly that they do. What the Ottoman sultans do.
It was like the.
Stool boom and Blaine, Indiana from waiting for Gufman. You know, it's like a whole uh An industry that just sprang up over this one esoteric piece of furniture.
Yeah, the sultan started by making his servants get down on all fours. We could put her feet on their backs. And then they're like, what if it were built a piece of.
Wood, we had a non human equivalent. Okay, okay, I'm listening.
All right, So the Ottoman Empire very much in play.
Yes, they're in place. So let's start in the Holy Roman Empire in seventeen forty one with the birth of the future Holy Roman Emperor Joseph the Second, so Holy Roman Empire. This is the Austro Hungarian Empire. You'll see it sometimes referred to we are in Austria. Joseph's mother is the Empress Maria Theresa, and Maria Theresa's badass. We're gonna have some badass women that make ancillary appearances in this story. But Marie Theresa, I could talk about her at length, I'm not going to, but she's pretty badass. She takes over the throne of the Holy Roman Empire. She's attacked by Frederick the Great and several other armies. You have this European World War that one of these one of the many European World Wars that were happening around this time, and she is able to hang on to power in the War of Austrian Succession. She builds up Austria Hungary, makes it pretty dominant regional power, and then when Frederick the Great comes back in the Seven Years War, she fights them off much better. Seven Years War is another big world war. France gets involved England. In the US, we call it the War the French and Indian War because we were in England and France were at war and they're fighting over Louisiana the wars.
And we're a little self centered.
Sure, of course, yeah, Well, we were only fighting the French and the Indians. We weren't fighting the Austrians and the Russians, but they were fighting each other in Crimea and in India and whatever. So anyway, though Maria Trece is she's a tough lady and she has this son, Joseph. He is born in seventeen forty one and he is officially co ruler, but that just means that he he just signs the documents that Maritsteresa puts in front of him.
Okay, okay, king of paperwork.
Yes, like the equivalent of the auto pen that's been much to do has been made about in the news.
I don't know the story.
You don't know what the autopen.
It's like a thing apparently it's been used for you know, many many presidencies where it's like it's a literal mechanical device that recreates.
A signature on multiple documents at once. Yeah.
I didn't know about it either until it's been kind of in the news, but it is something. Actually we should probably do an episode on the history of the autopen because it was very much like an invention that was created to you know, serve a need.
Like I think back in Length of the sixties.
I'm writing it down with a regular pen, with a regular pen, yeah for sure. All right, so we got this emperor of Emperor of paperwork in action, even though a co ruler in sort of theory.
Yes, So I'm seventeen sixty three, the Seven Years War ends, he's twenty two years old. He is getting a little bit more power, and then when his mother passes away two years later, he becomes the ruler of the Holy Roman Empire. Okay, So Joseph the Second he's an interesting guy. He he referred to himself as an enlightened despot, which sounds yes, okay, I remember.
Did he coin that?
I feel like I've used I've heard that used to describe other people in it.
You know, I'm not sure whether he invented that or not. Knowing what I know about this guy, probably not. He probably heard the term and liked it and applied it to himself.
He said, also me, Yeah, that's what I definitely that like someone reposting a meme on Reddit. All right, so he's got this big Victor von Doom energy.
Yeah, so he's an enlightened despot, which it sounds bad, but it's okay. So basically, the enlightenment is cool. Freethinking is cool. Human rights are cool. Except for all that anti king talk. King is still we still have to do the aristocracy thing. But freedom of expression, as long as you like me, you can be you can have freedom of expression as long as you dont say anything against me. And he starts bringing in scholars, scientists, He builds universities, hospitals. He reforms the civil law to make it a little bit less repressive. He abolishes slavery and serfdom in the Austro Hungarian Empire.
The Holy Roman Empiers sound like great.
Also super forward thinking, yes, contrast of places like the Ottoman Empire, which was super down.
Yeah.
Yes.
He passes religious equality law and even includes the Jews and Muslims in it.
They're allowed. You're allowed to be Jewish and Muslim in the Holy Roman Empire.
Wow.
He's a patron of the arts and music. Mozart and Beethoven like come to his court. He actually had hires Mozart to be his chamber composer, which had been like a vacant spot for a long time. And he's like, oh, Mozart, come on, you can be my chamber of courser I'll pay you to make music for my parades, and so Mozart hated this. He would have to make make these like little marches for him to appear at the at these events, but it was a paycheck and he had to get paid, right, and so okay, all this is great, except he is the Holy Roman Empire, and the Pope doesn't like a lot of this stuff that's happening. Isn't really down with all of this stuff in seventeen forty one, and he's got a lot of Catholic subjects. So there's a little bit of argument among his people as to whether these reforms are good or bad. We see this from time to time that countries can't agree on the direction the country should be taking. Sure, okay, so all that's going okay at home, but he's decided at some point, like he's built up his kingdom, he's got this enlightened despot thing going on, but he wants to kind of get involved with foreign policy. And so his first attempt at that is we were talking about funny wars is the Kettle War of seventeen eighty four. And I'm mentioning this only because it's weird.
No, my imagination is already running wild what could the Kettle War have been all about?
So one of these Catholic groups in the Holy Roman Empire that don't like his reforms are what's referred to at the time as the Austrian Netherlands, but today it's basically Belgium more or less equates to Belgium like the Low Country. Yeah, yeah, the Austrian Netherlands sounds like somewhere that Sauron would live though, you know what I mean. Oh, he is from the Austrian Netherlands, the nether realm of Austria, and so he anyway, so he.
Is another realm of Mortal Kombat thing I think it is. It's the name of the company, the Menzels, so I think maybe it's outworld, but they do refer to the nether Realms.
There are definitely nether Realms in various peaces of fantasy and sids.
Fiction, dungeons and dragons, and also, you know, just for all our lists from the Netherlands. It's a weird name in English, just.
Weird that it's the Netherlands, but it's also Holland and you're the Dutch. That's weird, right. Also your national colors orange. But it doesn't appear on your flag. That's weird too.
That's also weird. Also while we're in that area of the world, just going to walk down the street for this one, Thank you Denmark for Legos. That was tight, good move.
No, I don't know.
Then you say something about like there's more Lego pieces now in existence than some other things.
There are a lot of There.
Are more Lego mini figures or minifigs for fellow nerds than there are human beings alive.
What is that true?
Yeah, yes, that is true. It's like podcasts true, but it is true. Sam Ben weird derailing you?
No, No, I'm derailing myself.
I'm talking about the seventeen eighty four Kettle War when we're supposed to talking about the nineteen seventeen.
Let's let's spin it out though. What's the what's the It helps.
To know the background on Joseph the Second is going to help to understand what happens at Karen Sevi's So okay, So Joseph the Second he wants to at home, things are going okay. All of the people in the cities are down with his stuff. A lot of the people who are a little bit less enlightened, affected by the Enlightenment. They're not down with what he's doing. So there's there's division within the Austro Hungarian Empire, and one of the regions that is divided is this Austrian Netherlands, which, like I said, is basically Belgium. The Austrian Netherlands borders actual Netherlands, which is Protestant at the time, and they are they get grumpy and they they blockade the Belgian ports to deny Joseph and his ship's access to the North Sea. So he says, okay, I'm gonna send I'm gonna declare war if you don't release this blockade. So he sends three warships to threaten the block and these three warships go out, one Dutch warship approaches them. And you know, one thing about the Dutch at this time is they're awesome. Their navy's awesome, right, and the Austro Hungarian Empire is not known for having an awesome navy. But the Dutch navy is very experienced and they're very powerful at this time period. And the Dutch navy and the sailors, you know, they didn't have a lot of guys and a lot of ships but what they had was a very high quality anyway. So there's one Dutch ship sails out to these three Austro Hungarian ships, and the Austro Hungarians are like, if you don't release the blockade, will fire on you and declare war, and the Dutch shoot at them. They shoot one shot, one warning shot that flies over and hits a tea kettle on one of the Austro Hungarian ships. This is the story, is that they fire one shot and it knocks the tea kettle off of the Austro Hungarian ship. It's the flagship. It's carrying Joseph's flag, and it immediately surrenders.
A peace treaty is then signed. Shortly thereafter. The war lasted for one gunshot.
Wow, Postro Hungarian flagship says, stop the blockade, the shooting this tea kettle, and I like to picture that like they were aiming for it. You know, it might have been an accident, but I was just like like some sniper around, you know, the teakett accountants like, actually, never mind, I surrender.
That's amazing marchmanship, you know. At that point, I love the idea too, in sort of the the badass ridiculous history cinematic universe. I love the idea of you know, an officer class type dude lifting up you know, the kettle or something. Yeah, they getting the shot through it and then say no, this is not cool. Other stuff to do.
I want to have my tea.
Yeah, seeing some like fast cuts of like a like a Kay Richie kind of thing of like.
Yeah, very looney tuns.
Yes, And so they surrender. They sign a peace treaty that doesn't work out too well. The Austrian Netherlands is still upset because they don't like that the Pope is disagreeing with the emperor, and so Joseph the second is part of that peace treaty, is like, hey, how about this, you guys. The Dutch are holding Bavaria, which is in southern Germany and borders Austria, and I'm holding the Austrian Netherlands, which is Belgium in borders. Like we have these disconnected empires, right, And he's like, how about I trade you the Austrian Netherlands for Bavaria.
Seems fair?
Yeah, And the Dutch You're like, no, that's weird. Why would we super odd?
And everybody at the time writing about it is like, it's it's super weird that he offered to just trade regions with people with the dunge.
They said, no, we have to be clear, just just to get it out there been Uh, this is not a period in history where in the public, the people who lived in those areas would get a survey or a poll. No, no, okay.
No, these are this is the business of Kings.
There we go. That's what Nola and I refer to it as. Whenever we're making up reasons to hang outside of work and we don't want to explain ourselves. You know, my girlfriend's like, where are you guys going, I always say, it's the business of Kings business strategized.
We got to have a rap sessh to figure out our plan for world domination.
Yeah, like our king stuff business of Kings. Save the receipts, write them off on your taxes.
King moves, King moves hashtag. But so okay, So this is not just a weird flex for the people the common in the region. This is a weird flex for all international observers.
Yes, everybody thinks it's weird that he made this offer because gets out or it gets out that he offered this trade and it's weird. So okay, foreign policy is not going well for him. He travels around, he goes to he goes to Paris and Rome in Moscow and he tries to make nice with the Pope. It doesn't work out, Okay, So he's Holland doesn't like him. He borders Prussia and they've just had these two big wars with Prussia. Frederick the greats there. They had the War of Uster in succession, they had the Seven Years War. Prussia is powerful. Prussia is like basically like the heart of present day Germany. They're tough guys, they're great, great soldiers, and their share of border and they want to take some land from Austria. So he's got that problem too. Okay, So you know what he wants to Joseph the Second wants to be remembered as this great ruler and yes, I've made these great changes at home, but I need to do some big foreign policy thing in order to be remembered as this great military mind and diplomat and the greatest king ever.
Okay, my legacy. Yes he's thinking about.
Yes, he's he's inheriting from his mother, who was a very powerful and very well respected woman in Europe, and he wants he's got big shoes to fill, and he wants to do some great things to be remembered. Okay, so Holland and Pussa aren't working out, so he makes it an alliance with Russia, who had been Austria's friend during the Seven Years War. And Russia at the time is ruled by Catherine the Great, who is the second of the powerful, badass women that we were going to talk about in the episode today. She is super tough Lady Catherine the Great is extremely tough, and she was born in Germany. She probably reminds him of his mom, honestly, if I had to guess, But she is like she's meeting allies because, like you said, the Ottoman Empire borders him to the east and they border Russia, and Russia wants those warm water ports in Crimea and the Mediterranean and the Black Sea, and so they want to go to war with the Ottoman Empire. The Ottoman Empire at this time spans most of the Islamic world, huge amount of land, huge number of people. But by this point seventeen forties, you know, it's they've got the Sultans they've got they've got money, they've got troops, but there's this the feeling that things are maybe starting to crumble a little bit and maybe there's some weakness there.
They're getting some they're getting they're losing some technological progress.
Yes, yes, the Enlightenment is coming and they there's yeah, there's a lot of technological development happening in Europe that isn't being shared, Like military technology is happening in Europe that is not being shared with the Turks. And so they're starting to feel like maybe we can take some land from these guys. Catherine R Great has built up Russia to this very powerful military, and she wants to she wants to take lands from the Ottomans and so, and this whole time period is all very like I always think of like siev Tu or something, you know, like we just make life.
I gotta take just came up on our recent conversation.
Yeah, just like I think it's one town because it's it's worth a lot of money. I went to city.
For the record. I still haven't cracked it yet, yeah, but it's on my list.
You're gonna have a great time, though. Are you playing Civilization seven yet? Ben?
No, I haven't had a lot of time for games recently.
It's one of those ones where like I, uh, you know, if I I got to finish this project I'm working on and then I can start a new game.
But like if I.
Started the door, if you open the door.
I get sucked in. I like it too much, you.
Know, I love I think what we're saying here is we we love the comparison because there is a great deal of geopolitical calculation here, right. Russia then, as now honestly is eternally searching for a warm water porch. So it makes sense that these rulers would be pushing on the Ottomans if they can't.
Yes, so great, this all works out great for Joseph. He signs the peace treaty. He goes and visits Catherine in Moscow. A couple of times they sign a peace treaty or an alliance, and as part of that alliance, Catherine takes the Crimea for Russia cough cough, and they partitioned Poland up between the between Russia and Austrian Hungary. Because that's what happens to Poland for the next couple hundred years. In this time of time, Okay, that's great, except and you know, the Turks are even better. It's even better to be fighting the Turks than it is to be fighting the Prussians and the Dutch, because the Turks are Muslims and their enemies, and we're not fighting other Christian kingdoms and causing problems with the Pope and all of this stuff. So it's totally cool. Austrians have been fighting the Turks since like the fifteen hundreds. You know, uh Suliman the Magnificent besieged Vienna at one point in the sixteen eighties, you know, so they're they're they're great enemies, and it'll be awesome to have a war with them.
It'll really be how Emperor.
Joseph the Second is going to make his name as a military genie. He is going to march east from uh He's made his plan with Catherine. She's going to march south from Russia. He's going to march east. At this time, the Turks control most of Romania and you know, the former Yugoslavia. They can control a lot of the Balkans, and there are elements from the Balkans that are like you've got a Serbian regiment in the Austro Hungarian Empire.
That's like, hey, we'll we'll fight.
Let's go get Belgrade back because Serbian people are there and the Turks rule it and they're making them all be Muslim and they're doing bad stuff. So like let's let's free our homelands, and so great, this big army is assembled. This call goes out and it's Austrians and it's Hungarians, which do not share language, but they are part of the same empire. You've got Germans from the various German principalities that are part of the Austro Hungarian Empire.
At this time.
You've got Italians, like Northern Italy, there's some Northern Italy happening in the Austro Hungarian Empire. And then you've got these guys that are looking to reclaim their lands.
You've got Romanians, You've got.
Croats, Bosnians, and Serbians all working together, and so everybody is kind of united.
Under like let's get the Turks.
Great, this seems good, all right, So they also you kind of have to keep up appearances at this time period. So the plan is that Russia and Austria will just f with the Turks until they get mad and attack, and then they can say, look, we were attacked, so they do that.
What's there provoked. Our fancy word for that is what bellis causi or something like that.
Yes, yes, so you and see if it's the equivalent of like you open a you open diplomatic relations with a foreign king and then you like demand three of his cities for nothing, and then he gets mad and Claire's war on you.
That's basically what happens here.
And you're like, whoa, these guys came to us.
Yeah, I didn't do anything.
They marched into Mayorland first. So the Turks attack the Russians, and then Austria Hungary's allies with the Russians, so they got to attack.
That's why we call it Department of Defense exactly.
We're under attack.
Okay, So seventeen eighty seven war is declared between Austria Hungary and Russia on one side and then the Turks on the other side. Now Joseph has this big army and he's about to march them out into battle with the Turks. And the Turks they have a lot of guys, you know, they have a big army. They're extremely powerful. Still, so when he assembles this big army and marches them to the border with the Turks, Frederick the Great marches a huge army to his border on the western side of Austria Hungary, and all of these Catholic people from his kingdom that don't agree with him, they start getting a little bit more organized in a rebellion or a revolt type of situation, and they say, oh, Frederick, come help us.
And so now he's got a problem.
March is a huge army to his border, and he's got to go back and march them back to these cities to put down these rebellions, or to at least discourage these rebellions and discourage Frederick. So he doesn't actually get marching until a couple months after he wanted to, because he's got to go back and deal with the Austrian Netherlands and the unrest and the Prussians, and the Prussians keep talking to the Turks and they're like, maybe we should be allies because I actually don't want Austria Hungary to take them take your lands either, I like for everyone.
Because we're an audio podcast, I want to point out, then, uh, you you stroke your chin in the perfect way people would conspire and then you know maybe these so there, so we see this, we see internal descent, yes, right, we see internal chaos. We see again the problem of logistics because every I almost a monster. Every army marches on its stomach. Right, So, yes, we're losing, uh, the equivalent of millions of dollars losing time.
We're losing the morale. You're losing people.
You're losing people are deserting, right, and you have this is all the kind of paint the picture of you have this huge.
Army that is not homogeneous.
It is made up of all different people with all different beliefs, who have different languages everything. We've got this huge army. It's ready to fight the Turks. They're united in that we're gonna fight the Turks, but they don't agree with each other. And so in the context of a friendly fire incident, that's an important piece to set up.
I feel like, oh good call.
Yeah, for sure, although it's like there's nothing like a common animey to bring folks together, but in this case it was. There were additional complications for sure.
Yes, okay, So Joseph the second marches out and he declares like I am a military genius.
I am in charge of the army.
I'm gonna ride out by myself, the enlightened, desperate at the front of the group.
Mozart, you're coming with me? No, not really.
I love it when they ride out in the battle like that, thinking they're truly like invincible. Like just those moments of Hubris just always give me a little bit of shine freud. There's nothing wrong with that.
You know.
I was reading one account of it, though, and I feel kind of like I was reading it and I was like, yeah, and he wasn't a military genius, and he wasn't this, and he was like old and blah blah blah, and I was like, looked it up and he was like forty seven. And as we were recording for the day, as we're recording, today is the day of the recording. Today's my forty fifth birthday. No way, really, yeah, yeah.
Thank you, thank you.
But now you have never strolled out onto a theatre of combat and, in a burst of humility, declared yourself a military genius.
I suppose that's true. It is a little old to start your military career. I feel like age are like generals and colonels and stuff.
Look man retired, ye twenty years right.
We practice we practice positive aggressive validation on this show.
So, however, it would be weird if I was like, I'm in charge of the army, now follow me. I'm a little after that.
I think we would have to have Yeah, yeah, we be, we be hanging out. We would We might not be on the front lines with you, Ben, but Max, Nole and I would be, you know, on the scene subscribing.
I'm always on the lookover someone to blindly follow into battle. You know, it's just a bucket list item of mine. So maybe you can make that happen.
Well, let's see how that turns out.
Before that, let's get a parable and a precedent. Hold the phone, or rather hold the hussar. This turned out to be a ongoing series, a two part series. Nol. I'm just having a great time. It's not just because Ben is named Ben.
That guy.
This guy's amazing.
Yeah, I really love the Bens on this series. The guys are killing.
Oh no, no, no, we're killing it as a group effort. We've got the We've got the Noles, We've got the Maxes. Speaking of well, please killing it.
The term with no friendly fire here, y'all.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, Oh, We're I like that. That's something we referenced on Daily's Eeitgeist earlier. We're exploring it together and we couldn't do it without the help of our amazing team, starting with our super producer mister Max Williams.
Ooh, Max Williams. Max voised it on his own Petard Williams.
Max the Hussah Williams shout out also to his biological brother who is back in town, our bespoke composer Alex.
Williams Bespoke Indeed Us thanks to Chris Frasciotis and He's Jeff Coates here and Spira, Jonathan Strickland, The quiz Or A. J. Bahamas, Jacob's The Puzzler and Ben Big Thanks to.
You, man. I love I love hanging out with AJ Bahamas and I love that We're never gonna explain that nickname. Check out The Puzzler. Also check out our Rude Dudes of Ridiculous Crime and Noel. Thanks to you. I can't wait to hear part two.
Yeah, let's see next time, folks. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
