Ridiculous Crime is a production of I Heart Radio. Well, Well, well, Saron Burnette, what's up? Elizabeth dot and I missed you? How you been? I'm I'm all right, I'm all ready to hear it. You know it's ridiculous, Oh girl? Do I okay? So Chuck Berry, the rock and roll legend, he once performed so poorly at a show that it was considered a crime. Yeah, in the rock and roll legend was in Finland for a show, but he did such a piss poor job that the crowd took legal action. Now, when I say legal action, what I mean is under Finnish law you can, like, you can basically get your money back. Because a crowd deems that the performance was subpar, the concert promoters are on the hook. They legally are required to give back fifty of the money spent on the ticket. So basically, if you go to a show in Finland, you're only in it for half. Yeah, you can always like, now this was bad, I'm out, And so a large part of the crowd to Chuck Berry, I don't know, Well, that is ridiculous. Do you want to know what else is ridiculous? Always a fire chief slash Low level drug dealer who wears rose colored glasses is all. This is all one person, all at once like this. This is a ridiculous crime a podcast. Did you know that? About absurd and outrageous capers, heists and cons it's always murder free and one percent ridiculous. All right. I have said before that I've never been to Florida, and we've talked about correcting that. Yeah. One place I would like to eventually see there is Key West, the southernmost point of America. Exactly. I'm not like a bigger in his Hemingway fan and any way shape or form, So that's not the attraction. Just as it seems his house. You would like the cats um anyway. Uh, it seems just like an interesting place, Key West, does um? I like spaces at the edge of continents, Yes, the sandy shifting edge of it. Yeah, like the fringe invites fringe characters, you know, from what I understand, Key West is full of absolute characters. Yes, I can confirm. Have you ever been there a bunch? I went there as a kid and loved it because the way, like when you're a kid, you look and you see adults acting like a spectacle. It was like, this is amazing, way come back here, and I just like because you have to go for a really long time. If you're driving from Georgia, you have to go all the way down to Florida, and then you get to the end of Florida, you get to Miami. Think that's really close. Then you have to drive through all of the keys. You're over these little low bridges and as a kid, you're like this road ever again again. And then when it finally does end, you're in Key West, which is like an amusement park for adults. Yeah. I love that. I really love that. So I got a tip about today's story from a gentleman named Christopher Over on Instagram. I'm going to tell you the story of a man, a man with terrible fashion sense, horrible criminal instincts, and perhaps one of the most unfortunate names you've ever heard. I was thinking that this was me you were talking about until you got to the most unfortunate name, putiful name. I need you to picture it. I need you to close your eyes. It's September nine, Key West, Florida. It's morning time. You're out jogging in your short shorts. Saren, does you just live in your best life. I think you're probably jogging topless, as one does, you know, as an aside, I feel like men hung out in public with no shirts on, or as I like to say, top more often. In the seventies, even into the eighties, that's when they got the half shirt. That's when it started. Well, let's get halfway the yard work, exercise, grilling, walking around a county fair topless, going for a job interview, washing the car. Yeah. So anyway, there you are, jogging topless down United Street in Key West for a job interview. It's a residential street lined with palm trees and modest mid century bungalows in sort of muted neutrals and pastels. You stop to tie your shoe and you see a man exiting his house. Houses pink salmon colored, which isn't uncommon. Uh. You see into the house through the open front door, and you notice that both the walls and the carpet are red. It's uncommon. It's a bold choice. Gold mirrors hang on the wall. The man. He's wearing a red leisure suit, so just replete with what one might say bold choices. It is so delightfully bold. His neck wrists hands, dripping in gold and little t any gems. And he's wearing glasses. The lenses pink, literal rose colored glasses on this guy. So like this outfit. He's just heat radiating off of him. My hero. You know, you know who this dude is. Topless joggers Aaron. Everyone in town knows who this guy is. He's the fire chief. Naturally to rest like a fire hydrant um. He walks out to the street to get into his car. The car isn't red, it's bright green. It's a bright green Cadillac Eldorado and has official city plates. It's a city vehicle. Yeah. And there are two stickers on the trunk. One is the seal of the Key West Fire Department white. Next to it is an image of Santa Barbara St. Barbara, the patron saint of firefighters. I was painted in red on the car. I'm serious. The chief, he is amazing. This guts amazing. So just as he's getting into his car, two cars come like screaming down the road from down the block. He screeched to a halt and they're on either end. He can't he can't move this Cadillac. It's a big car. Yeah, he needs room to move. Federal agents be suited. Federal agents jump out of the car and they tell him like freeze. He's startled. The man in the rose colored glasses. He starts fumbling around with his hands, and he pulls off a diamond encrusted pinky ring and throws it at the guys. Wait, just throws it. You can't you can't see me fumbling. I'm doing a version. So then he throws the pinky ring, and then he turns and runs, but he's immediately tackled and cuffed by the agents. Yeah, you zaren have just witnessed the arrest of none other than bum far Get out. No, that's not his name. His name is not bumping. Hence name is bum far too. Did he change you His mama named him bum far too. Well, let me back up a bit and I can explain this exquisite creature. So Joseph Farto was born in Key West in nineteen nineteen to Spanish immigrants. The far Too's and some a lot of times people with this last name would amend it to far Doo or Pardo in order to kind of blend. The Farto's are like, we're on this they're they're tuting it up. His parents tuting their own farto. You're not trying to make a big stink about the weird name. The parents owned a fancy restaurant in town, and but they later fell on hard times and they had to sell the place. Now, who bought it? Fella name Joe Russell him? He no, He sold a legal booze to Earnest meaning Way and his cats during prohibition and they became friends. Um, he bought the Farto restaurant, Well, it was okay, it was called the Victoria Restaurant, It's what they named it. But he bought it from the Farto's at the corner of Duval and Green, and he moved his bar called Sloppy Joe's into that spot, right. Apparently it's a quite famous place. I've not been there. I'm going to take everyone's word for it. It's iconic. Another reason to go. So you go don Lemon on New Year's Oh my gosh, yeah, what what's the sushi? Where they getting this shoe? And it descends in the high heel pump. That's basically what I know of QS, which looks like pretty exciting. That's the best version of Q yeah, and they always the CNN correspondence at New Year's Eve. What we're talking about is like the you know, the it's a high heel shoe, right they do instead of the ball dropping like in New York. It's a high heel Yeah, and it's a drag named Sushi who sits in it? And and the CNN correspondence just get lit trash. They do their best impressions of liquor bottles. I love that. As someone who doesn't drink, I like watching them so uh. Young Joe Farto he used to hang out at a fire station by his house, which they lived kind of like right behind this fire stription and he would just pestor the firefighters. He was firefighter obsessed as kids are. It's like John Wayne. So he got his name Duke. Really nickname because the name of the fire dog in his hometown. Well that's you know, this is how little Farto picked up his name. Really, firefighters nicknames they are. They really go hang out at a firehouse and see what they come up. I'm kind of scared with thatch and a cool nickname. Shirts Um, So he would Little Joe Farto, he'd be asking these firefighters, can I hang out on your truck? Can I go for a ride with you? He would ask. He'd like ask them for money, but can you get some change? You buy candy? You ask him for candy. He's just always underfoot, cap and underfoot. The firefighters started like, get out of here, you bum. So then they started calling him Bum, And that's how he picked up this name Bum. He started using it everyone introduced himself. Goes a sixth grade class. The nickname stuck there, like, oh there goes Bum. Well here's the thing, Bum Farto. At the age of twenty three, he becomes a volunteer firefighter. He gets in the door. He did a couple of jobs beforehand. I think he was like he had something to do with driving a hearse or something whatever. Anyway, so he becomes a volunteer firefighter. Eighteen years later, in nineteen sixty four, he's fire chief. He works his way up. Look at that work that ladder. He knew how to schmooz it. People loved him, Farto, come on now, and he did a lot of really good things as fire chief. He busted there had like this arson ring, Like I don't think they were connected. But they're all these arson's going on, and he managed to bust them all somehow, and and he modernized the department. He got a really good equipment. He did fire PERV Engine training in town. He boosted morale, he recognized service of fellow firefighters. And the fire department was absolutely life to him. It was everything. So people loved his dedication. They also loved his crazy style. Yeah, fit in. He's a very key West. When I described him, he was wearing all red, right, that was an everyday thing for him. It wasn't just oh that day that he got busted. He pretty much wore red or another really bright color. Never wore black. I wouldn't wear his whole house decorated in red. And he wore all the different you know, it's like a deep fire engine red. He's wearing all this gold jewelry. His badge, he had his badge gold plated and like encrusted with gems. Yeah, fire department his life, baby, Why did he wear red? Spiritual protection of naturally of course. Santa Barbara, um you see, Bumfardo is a practitioner of Santaree close with Santa Barbara, so Santa Ria as you know, Santa Ria is religion belief system originated in Cuba, not practiced by Bradley Hole. No, not at all. Doesn't have a crystal ball. It's a blend of Yoruba beliefs from West Africa, Catholicism, indigenous beliefs and practices, and spirit is m from Europe in the eighteen hundreds. Um there are many spirits and they're spun mainly from the Yoruba religion, but they each get tied to a Roman Catholic saint, and there's a creator deity and the spirits and saints are all in service of this force um Alo d Mare and practitioners make altars, they give offerings to the spirits to the Supreme Force, primarily Afro Caribbean. As you know, Bomfardo was of Spanish ancestry, but I think because of the proximity to Cuba and the Cubans kind of gave him entry into this belief system. So we're talking about Santa Barbara. He had a Santa Barbara sticker in Santa Ria. Santa Barbara is known as Chungo yes, the fire Spirit. Yes, yeah, big fan. As an arsonist, as a child arsenist, So another thing that Bumfardo was passionate about was baseball. Of course, you know, it was fire and baseball. It's two great tastes. And he managed to blend Santa Ria and baseball really effectively. Well, he managed a little league team. We don't think of that movie Major League Baseball where they have the guy who practiced. Yeah, you say, up your butt, Jubu. Major League is such a good movie, and Joe Bu plays a very important role. That's what I'm picturing right now when you talked about Dennis haysbird in Cleveland Cleveland uniform before he became president in twenty four, so An sold me insurance. Um. So he managed. Bumfardo managed a little league team, and according to a bunch of different reports that I read, he would often light a red candle and place it on the bumper of l. Haf A mobile during games to try and get the spirits to like guide the team to a win. Yes, that's very Florida. That's so amazing. So you hear the descriptions of this guy, you have to think maybe he's a little shady. I don't know, we're just a he's a little shady. Um, he's much beloved in town, but he's also involved with some criminal elements, bad practices. Not bum bumfarto why um. November So, four years after he became fire chief, he was suspended on charges that he forged the signature of another firefighter on a check yeah, And that he forced those working under him to take out personal loans on his behalf, and that he took other people's per diems for himself. Yeah. And then he just generally like fudged the payroll books. It's like I'm going to bath. He's you know, the spirits told him. Is it an eight? Is it a nine? Um? So he gets brought up in front of the city's Civil service board, and the board, here's the case, and they're just like, whatever, let it go, bumfardo. And I'm only going to say his name full. It's like David Lee Roth. You can only say Mr David Author, David Lee Rock. You can't just call him Dave or Lee Roth, Mr Rock. He's always so this is always Bumfardo. So the board is like, bumfardo. Whatever, Just you do you baby? And um. The evidence against him was really clear, and some people were a little surprised that the whole thing went away, But actually most people weren't surprised. There were some, but most weren't surprised because the head of the board was a man named Waldo Valise. Waldo Valise was Bumfardo's nephew. Boom boom boom and ding dang dang. I think we just found the next one. Bum bum bum at a farto fartum farto. So the phony check incident isn't what got him arrested in your imagination exercise, erin o, what was it that went down? In right? I was doing the disco the check. So you're in the short shorts strutting your stuff. When we come back from this break, Um, I'm gonna let you know what Bumfardo did to get tackled by the cops at Ate in the morning in front of his own house. Please do okay. So, before I was so rudely interrupted capitalism, I was telling you about Bumfardo and he was the fire chief in Key West, Florida. Key West had been a vital outpost for the U. S. Navy in the fifties and early sixties, right close to Cuba is the whole ninety miles thing, and therefore, because it's close to Cuba. It's by extension close to the Soviets, um as the close as we could get. By the mid sixties, the Navy started to pull out and they took a huge part of the economy with them. Um. What business was really starting to expand in the sixties drug dealing. There you go, plastics and drugs. Um. People couldn't live on fishing alone, because that's like the huge thing is the fishing. They're great fishing, yeah, and and fishing tours, all the whole industry of tourism around it. It wasn't just like they're going out and catching fish and feeding America. You can't just can't really survive on that. The way they had mercurial. You have to wait. Bad weather can do them you for a while exactly. So they got all these boats right, put them to use. Oh you know that what they happened to be close to drugs last dru guess so um. Drugs are everywhere, like literally you're waiting through cocaine. It's like snow drifts on the city streets. Cocaine cocaine. Um. Bumfardo knows everybody right, um, and he's not averse to stepping outside of the law, as we've learned with his check issues. Um, he's actually really cozy with the Tampa Mafia. Tampa Mafia. I know it, doesn't it sound like I'm making fun of please, like sun burns, short sleeves and like broken noses, you know, and broken dreams. Uh. The Tampa Mafia was a real thing, and he was close with the mob boss, Santo Traficante. Oh the family. Okay, so you were making fun. Oh no, no, they're legit, legitami their faces. Um. So corruption is absolutely rampant, as you can probably guess, drug trade booming big biz um. One detective at the time noted that buying drugs and Key West was quote as easy as walking in and ordering a meal, and cocaine was as common as key line pie. But what was the price they made? Like a froth of cocaine to the top of the key line pie to blend into the love the cocaine. Oh yeah, So one day a local man named Titus Walters comes to Bumfardo. Titus had with him a man he said was his cousin, named Larry Dollar. That is not his real name, it is though, so Larry Dollar. Larry walk into a bar he asked his new pet. Well, he goes up to Bumfardo and he's like, bum can I score some coke from you? He's like, look, you're the local. Are you doing weather? It's a little humid. Can I can I score some code? Love the glasses and I'm betting you know where I get some cocaine? Sure, says Bumfardo. Let me talk to my friend Manny James. Manny James. Why the stepson of Police Chief Winston Jane, the very same you mean city attorney Manny James. Yeah, that one, Oh, the Manny James who was also defense counsel for a bunch of drug runners. That Manny James. Yes, you know him, yea with a good cocaine Larry, Larry dollars all about it. He's like, you know what, Yes, he gives Bumfarto a gold and diamond pinky ring is payment for a couple of ounces of coke. Wow on the spot. The problem was that Manny James was on vacation in the Bahamas and Bumfardo couldn't get ahold of him. So Manny James is the plug, as you'd say, and Bumfardo calls him up. Sorry, no, he's out. He's at sandals. You know, he can't come back to you. He's learning how to play the steel drum. So um, he's trying to get ahold of of Manny can't get him. Larry Dollar, you know, would call him, be like, so, where's my blow and party this weekend? Yeah, He's like, I need to clear my sinus is Bumfardo. I was like, you know, I'm just hold on, give me, give me a little time. I'm still working on it. Um, bumfarto stalling, stalling. A couple of weeks go by, Yeah, and Larry Dollar had had enough. Yeah, it's like, I'm an addict. I need I need the cocaine. Um. One problem with being a cocaine dealer is you have to deal with people who are cocaine using. So he and Bumfardo meet up at the fire station where all the good drug deals go down. Naturally, that's just the spot right next to city Hall, so it's super convenient. Bumfardo tells Larry Dollar, look, I am so sorry I don't have your coke. And as like a courtesy, as is kind of like a fun thing I'm gonna do for you. Have this bag of weed to hold you over. That's that's an odd choice. Please enjoy, Please enjoy this complimentary sachet of marijuana in place in lieu of the cocaine to be delivered later. I promised you a bottle of liquor. Here's some He's like, I told you I can get you drugs. Here's some drugs. And so you know, Larry Dollars like, m all right, I'll take this. I'll take this weed. I'll go I'll take this smoke. They're using all like the he's all take the cabbage, all the terms. He's like, this sticky broccoli will do for me right now. And then they're just all rolling their eyes at each other. You actually coined the term the sticky icky. He did Little Dollar and the sticky icky um. So Bumfardo he finally gets in touch with Manny James and he's like, I need tutor powder and I need it now, and so he gets it, and Bumfardo gets in touch with Larry Dollar. Meet me at the fire station, the drug spot. So Bumfardo brings a little taste of the a oh for Dollar right. Dollar is impressed. He's like, this is really good, this is high quality. Where what is this like doing like the like the rubb it on his teeth. Probably yeah, he probably like took a Swiss army knife and stuck it in like that. It's like a baggy. He rubs it on his gums. Um. They agree to meet one more time two days later to finish the deal. So bum Farto just lets him like taste it, give a little sniff sniff, and he's like, oh, yeah, this is really good. He's like, all right, we'll meet me back here at the firehouse in two days. I don't get it. Um now the full amount of coke for the diamond pinky ring was the deal. Deal goes down. Everyone's happy. Larry Dollar is especially happy because Larry Dollar is actually d e A agent Larry Dollar still his real name though, Yeah, and he's part of Operation Conk. Operation Conk was a joint effort between the Florida Department of Law Enforcement and the Dade County Organized Crime Bureau. D A up in there too, obviously, So a conk, you know, it looks like conch written out, but the pronunciation is conk um a marine mollusk. Yeah, the big beautiful show people think. And it's native Key West. Yeah, that's why they gave it the name operation. My family is a bunch of shell seekers, so we used to go to those beaches for those shells. I like doing some beach co Yeah. But I like how in the military or in this case, the d A, when they name an operation, it's always like they're like two steps below the people who named pinked, you know. It's like people named pants are like they're hungry and like, oh, this is gonna be banana loaf, and then that's the name of the company. The military, it's like, what's my first word? Association? Right, And sometimes they try and like tint it with something really tough. Yeah, like yeah, like buff eagle or something. And then or it's kind of silly, like Operation Rudy Tooty, you know, like Operation Rudy too fresh and fruity because they're going to bust them at it. What was that a Denny's? So um, I think that I should be hired to name all the operations, and I want to name paint so two of us. I'm just putting it out there everybody. I'm going to go on LinkedIn and let everyone know I'm availing. Is that what how LinkedIn works? I don't know I don't know. So we've got Operation Cock For over a year, they've been tracking drug smuggling network in Key West that operated right under the coked up noses of local law enforcement. So trout now because of this and the understood corruption in Key West, the task force didn't tell the sheriff, didn't tell the police chief, didn't tell Manny the city attorney about the operations or the impending rate. Good because the police chief is the father of the city attorney, who himself as the coke supplier. So they knew, they knew they were doing a good thing here. Now, the goal of the whole thing was to clean up the city. They had their eyes on this grip of dudes special a group of them. Now, when they figured they had enough to take everyone down, they organized what they referred to as Handcuffed Day, cuffing season, bring your kids to work day followed by handcuff Day. Well, in prep for it, they bring in this task force, a huge strike force from out of town special jackets, the whole bit. Oh yeah, there, yeah. So here's the thing though, is that, like if you've got this whole group of physically fit men and they're coming into town and they have to get hotel rooms and rent cars, and for some reason they didn't think they could just rent the rooms and just do their thing. They had to come up with a cover story because they were worried that the town being so small, people will be like aware of that, like what are all these guys doing here? And instead of being like mine your own business, they said, yeah, well that's probably a smart move. Actually. Yeah. So they call up They're like, hey, um, yeah, I need like sixteen rooms. Um sure, and then I'm also going to need sixteen unmarked I mean cars and so the rooms. Oh yeah, two men peru uh huh. They're like, oh, well, so what do you what do you What are you guys doing here? He said, um, karate tournament. So they like it's just gonna be somewhere else in US, somewhere this secret karate it's on the beach. It's like the scene from Karate Kid where he's like doing the crane thing on the beach. It's just like thirty dudes lined up and then all with short haircuts, wearing short sleeve shirts and a topless Hello seventies, I don't know. Well, here's that's the thing. When you're talking about a tie. So this karate tournament shows up and they're all in suits exactly like dotal Flex and at that time they look like agents always kind of look like Ati agents. They look like, oh yeah, So they got all these guys that show up in suits for their karate tournament with weapons. I guess it's the shotgun karate tournament. And then they rent these cars and so somehow they're able to keep this. Everyone bought the karate ad in the local key West newspaper, like announcing like there's going to be this big karate thing. You know, if they had me on staff, I'm all about logistics and details, so I'd be like, you guys, you can't go down there and then and let me just take out an ad and then I'll put it as like a day that doesn't exist. Yeah, exactly. So it's on like Saturday that we're going to have this karate tournament. It's going to be at the ramada of the room, an address that doesn't exist. It's kind of like on Law and Order when they have the address of the like that they go to when they put it on the screen, most of them, if you look at it, I've been told I haven't done orational that. It's like in the middle of the river. It's not a real address, so you couldn't use it on like direction. Yeah. So if the street, if like eight street only goes up to block, you say, you're in the two thousand block. Okay, So that's the totally the phone number, remember whatever, totally. So that's what they should have done, but they got away with it, so I'll allow it. Um. So they hotels. The morning of September nine, thirty federal agents got into unmarked cars and proceeded to spend the next five hours or so arresting nineteen dudes. What about their karate they had to help put that's at nighttime. It's night karate, Like we're here for the night karate tournament. Um, the first guy they get bumfardo nice respect. You start at the top. You remember what he did when the agents jumped out of the unmarked car to arrest him, right through the evidence apparently at them. Well, you know, he pulls off the diamond pinky ring that Larry dollars. That's like, I don't have it anymore. I think, yeah, you figured if I give it back then it's a refund. There wasn't the sale take it. He loved the pinky ring though totally fit his style. So he was he lost, he knows. Um. So while he was certainly the salute flashiest, he was also the very bottom rung of this operation. He was super super small time chief was not in charge. No, they started at the bottom and then worked their way up arrest wise that day, so they bust him on the weed and coke sales. And then they also when they raided his house they found a couple of shot off shotguns. They got him on that. Okay, Yeah, So Bumfardo and the other arrestees were all bailed out by um. This guy who was also arrested, the bail bondsman. He posted bail for all of them. Do it from the jail cell? Yeah, um. And then Bumfardo he turns on. He hires a defense attorney, Manny James, who was also arrested that day. Now, somehow the charges against Manny James get dropped and he never goes to trial somehow, but Bumfardo his trial is set for February night. These are federal cases. So the night before it's all set to start, bum Fardo goes to see his family doctor. Yeah, you know you want to get right before court. Well, he tells the doctor, Man, I'm in so much pain right now, it hurts. Does it hurt my tummy? Bum Fardo said his tummy hurt? Get out? He did. He said his stomach was killing him. Um. The doctor later was like, you know, he came in. He looked real pale, he looked bad, looked in a bad way, and he's only tummy and so Um. The doctor diagnoses him with severe stomach ulcers. Oh yeah, something that I think that Farto had had in the past. But so the doctor. The doctor right on the note he has tummy ulcers. He was like bad Tom Tom and then a frowny face. Um. The doctor diagnoses him with the stomach ulcers. He prescribes really strong, like super strong antacids, and he tells him, you have to be admitted to the hospital. This is really really bad. You got a bad timmy. Um. He's super understanding and supportive, you know, don't you think so? If your name is Bumfardo, what hospital do you go to? Oh? I'm gonna not do well with this. I'm gonna say the Slappy Pappy Home for Elder and abandoned fathers. That's really close. Bumfardo was sent to the Depo hospital. You're making this stuff. No, I don't care what you tell me. You're making this stuff up. That's the name of the hospital. D E like capital D, lower case E capital po o. It's like French. That's probably more like Spanish. Um I okay, I am both lauded and derided for what one disgruntled listener termed me is dropping a gross out. I don't think this qualifies. This is just a truthful statement. Now we're doing it in a very juvenile way. To Pooh Hospital for problems with his bad bad time. So there's Bumfardo sitting in the Pooh. Why this is custom when this happened where they like someday this woman and Elizabeth Dutton is going to tell this story is going to delight her. I didn't know I said so much gross stuff until I started doing this show. And it turns out, I guess I do. You learned something new every day sometimes about yoursel A lot of self discovery that I'm going through here. So Bumfardo sitting in the Pooh. The d a's office sends over a doctor to examine Bumfardo, and they declared that he didn't have severe ales. There's a minute, they're like, pop a couple of times your tom tummies. Uh, no reason you can't go to court, maman. So the trial then actually starts. Bumfardo did not testify, Larry Dollar testified. Oh in shut case. So much evidence. So the jury takes thirty minutes and they convict Bumfarto on the unch break. Let's just know they're paying for lunch's get this now, so um misdemeanor count selling the weed, to felony counts for the selling of the coke um And then they were going to do the prosecutions, pushing for the maximum sentence. Didn't go for a battery of an officer by throwing a diamond ring at him. I know, they all these enhancements that could have had. They want thirty one years for Bumfardo for the one is the one year for the weed, but they want fifteen years each for the cocaine charges because a distributor I suppose, I don't know. One week after the trial, and you know, Bumfarto's awaiting sentencing at this point, and he has another weapons charge hanging over the off shotguns. So he's waiting on those. That's like in two months or something. Um. He tells his wife. He like, honey, I'm going to drive to Miami and see a friend of mine. I need to get out. I just I need the air. Have been tough lately, you know, they took away all my sawd off shotguns. I have been able to get blow from Manny James. It's been a tough time for Fardo. Dear Mrs Fardo, big farto, love of my life, Mrs Fardo, her name is tiny Fardo. That I made it, so, he says, I gotta go to Miami to see a friend. When we come back from this break, I'm going to tell you about bum Fardo's road trip. Zarin, how are you you old so and so? Oh you're still here? Yeah, Hey, what's up, Elizabeth. It's just been sitting here in the dark. The last time we were together here, I was telling you about Bumfardo. Yes, you were old Bumfardo, Key West fire chief, small time low level drug dealer, and fashion plate incredible fashionista. According to the accounts that I've read, it seems like pretty much everyone in town was at least doing some level low level dealing or running, so he wasn't stand out in that way. Kids were selling bricks, a hash lemonade stands, old ladies had hollowed out copies of Reader's Digest filled with baggies of coat, you know, small town living. Um. Then there's bumfardo right, he's wearing these flashy red leisure suits, his rose colored glasses. We cannot forget that that he's wearing these pink tinted lenses all so amazing gold for days, these drippings. Uh selling coke in the parking lot of the fire station. I imagine he's the kind of guy who has like a gold bracelet. And then on the gold bracelet is a gold bracelet, Yes, gold on gold on We heard you like gold bracelet? How about so? Um? I also, can I just take a time out for a second to talk about the hit Fox TV show nine one? One? Can I tell you that Bobby on the hit Fox TV show one he may have killed his whole family in a fiery fit of drunken ineptitude spoiler alert firefighter. Yeah, but he would never sell coke in the parking lot of whatever station number they are that floats all over Los Angeles unless Angela Bassett needed him to sell the coke, and then he'd be pushing that product like she would be so disappointed in him, she'd give him that side. I pursed face. Yeah, so Bobby wouldn't do that, bum Farto though he's pushing small weight gets busted Angela Bassett. Yeah right, what's about Mrs Farto? Step up? She needs to just drive a police cruiser around and do busting on her own. Um So, anyway, bum Farto. Back to nine one. I went from some one who never watched TV. This is the damage of the of the of the pandemic that I suddenly started. I was fascinated that this was a hit TV show. I've never heard of it, and I started watching it. And then I was like hate watching it, and now I love it. That's happened. That's what happens with hate watching it turns into now I can't say the same. I still hate watch nine eleven, wrote lone Star whenever the but that's look at look at what I've been broken by the pandemic. Or we can put it another way. You were broken, and you're broken. Places were filled in with gold, the gold of nine one one I'm really bummed that the season just ended. What am I going to do over the summer? I don't even know. Call me when it's over. So back to Bumfardom. He's cool in his heels, trying to awaiting his fate maybe thirty one years. Who's to say? That's just so He's like, I gotta let off some steam. I got to I have to go to Miami. Then saw Miami. See my friend the Doorado. Well, the problem is the Eldorado was a City Carl mobile. He didn't have a car anymore. It's just sitting in an impound blot, I would imagine. Or they're painting it. Like he's standing there, one tear running down his face as he's watching them paint the car. Put it into the what's the spray coat? What's it called something coat? Anyways, I'm sure someone will send me a message about it. Um. Anyway, So the l a car not his. Um, So he rents a nineteen seventy six Pontiac Lamon's, which is exactly the car my grandpa had when I was little land Ya yeah, um, what color do you think the rental was? Close? Red? Darn? He has to get a red car. So he tells his wife, look, just going up to Miami. I'll be back tonight. Off he goes, no luggage, just vibes heading to Miami. The only way to go to Miami. Of course, just two weeks ago. I no bumfardo. Now, when I say no bumfardo, it kind of sounds like someone trying to talk about their gastro intestinal distress in like a problematic, insensitive, geographically amorphous, choppy accent. I'm really sorry about that, but no bumfardo. Um. So people are starting to wonder where a pediatrician talking no, no, no, no, no, no bumfardo. Are you going to the doctor? You're like, what's wrong? No bumfardo. It's been weeks. Um alright, gross outs right and left. People are starting to wonder, where's bumfardo? Where's my bumfardo? Um? When asked his wife, Um was asked like, well, where's where's bumfardo? Lady fardo? She's Her answer was it gets me too upset. I don't want to about it, yeah, she said, I'm I can't say anything. It gets me too upset. Okay, So I love that response. That's my response for everything from now on. I can't talk about it. It gets me to upset. No Bumfardo. Um. Pretty soon there's a man hunt underway of Farto hunt. The cops are searching all over high and low and they come up empty. In the meanwhile, he gets convicted in absentia on the weapons charges. Yeah. So, three weeks after he left the Lamans was found in Miami on Kaya o cho A Street in Little Havana is um covered in parking tickets, just resplendent in parking tickets. Um. And it looked like, based on the dates on the tickets, that he had been parked there for at least two weeks. Oh yeah. Beyond that, though they had nothing, law enforcement had no idea where Bumfardo went. So I'm guessing he cut and run and didn't he cut and didn't get cut and then disappear like he doesn't know enough to be taken out. Well, but deadly Farto. His silence was deadly. Um. Everyone else though, So the cops were like, where's Bumfardo? I don't know. Everyone else has ideas, like you coming up with ideas. So the Miami Harold they interviewed a bunch of people in that June of six and They asked them, what do you think? What do you think happened to Bumfardo? And these are just these are solid gold responses. I'm gonna do dramatic readings would So the first one Charles Felton, he's a friend of Bumfarto's, and he says, I think bums alive. I just had that feeling faith and all that is. You know, he's a breezy fellow. Yeah. And so then they talked to this low well store clerk named Suellen Gibson, and she says, most people think he was killed because the rest of them got away with it and they're still here. I think he just lost himself somewhere. Very nice, right, Yeah, I could hear. Thank you so much. Um, I'll accept my words later. So then we get to we get to Jennifer Smith. She says he's back living it up in Cuba. He's back anywhere. Who knows? Who cares? Your girl? I love that is my whose who cares? I love? I love the phrase who cares? So much? And I love he's back living it up in Cuba, honey. He never came from Cuba like his family was from Spain. He was born here he went up back to Cuba or whatever. Jennifer Kitcher acting who get out of here. Then we got Tom Debays, another guy who's interviewed. He says, I think he's wiped out because he too much, probably dumped were board from some shrimp boat to the old Sement shooting. Either that it's in the Staten Island. Okay, so we got a New York transplanting key West Staton Island. First of all, the old Sement shoot thing. I want to apologize for all my accents right now, though I'm not meaning and like, I'm just trying to inhabit these characters. I'm just trying to give them a rich life and experience. Okay, all right, they inhabited me with life. I feel like everyone's gonna get mad at me now as you want me to do worst accents, I can take some heat. You always you put yourself in the fiery line for me too often on these things. So but yeah, Staten Island. Why Staten Island? Who knows? Who cares? Quite frankly, David Johnson, hotel maintenance and repair man, said, Mom Fardo is definitely alive and well and living in Spain. I noticed in time Manny James walked in there with a T shirt that said bum is Alive and Well and Spain. Right, he's alive because Manny James, according to David Johnson, is strutting around in a T shirt that says bum is Alive and well in Spain. I get all of my news from novel by T shirts. If I see it on a T shirt, that's how I know what's going on in world events. So I say this guy, it says if you bought it, a trucker brought it. You're like, well, that's true. It's true. Um. Then, So there are theories floating around about South America, Cuba, Spain, New York. Theories that he's dead, that he's in witness protection. To this day, no one knows what happened to him. Who knows, who cares? Really, yeah, no one knows. He managed actually disappears. He's a disappearing fartough he just vanished, just a puff um. That mystery, though, drove an entire cottage industry for a while. They're in key West. As speculation mounted as to the whereabouts of Bumfardo, novelty shops and Key West started selling T shirts that read where is Bumfardo So T shirts once again. June nineteen seventy six, just a couple of months after the disappearance, shops had sold more than a thousand shirts. I'm I'm going to add this to my list of novelty shirts that I need to get, Like I have to have one of these. Paul Taylor, one of the owners of these novelty shops, said, quote, people sometimes buy five or six of them at a time, like they're into some kind of group identity trip. It's probably kids who like to do a lot of coke. People have seen the T shirts as far away as California, and then they get to Key West. They come in and ask for them. They come from New York and they say, listen, we were in Fire Island and people are talking about them. They had seen them on their on TV too. Everyone can relate to a bum far to fire chief who was busted for a cocaine and missing. It's kind of like a future Key West folklore. Everyone can relate to. It's the most relatable thing ever, a fire chief named Bumfarto who disappeared after a cocaine I mean, what is more relatable? How many times we heard that story boy meets girl boy and loses girl Bumfarto tries to sell cocaine, disappears. It's a story of all the time. It's a trope at this point. I mean, I mean, it's a little stale. The other day I was watching a Colombo and they had a bump Farto riff that they were doing. I hope they have it on. Um. You know, it's just the kids who like to do a lot of coke running the T shirt business there. So the shirts get super popularized by none other than Jimmy Buffett. Oh, the parrot head in chief. Yeah, he was seen wearing one on stage. Mr Buffet wearing a shirt. Can I admit something to you? Go ahead. My grandparents sold Jimmy Buffett T shirts in their store that was named after Key West. Wow, yes, Key West Fragrances in Hampa. Actually he's in clear Water. They had the store on the beach and they sold Jimmy Buffett T shirts. And that's how I know who Jimmy. They sold Jimmy T shirts to Jimmy buff They sold Jimmy Buffett made T shirts. And this is like in the eighties, and it would be like a T shirt from like Welcome to Margarita, a T shirt, picture of T shirt, but like with his artwork, and so it's all like cartoons. I gotta wait, hold on, hold on. Okay, So first I thought they were selling T shirts to Jimmy Buffett. Then I thought they were selling T shirts with photos of Jimmy Buffet screen on them. Know, so it's Jimmy Buffett creates T shirts with his artwork on it. Yes, around this time that smells like coconut oil. Yes, and broken pop tops. Oh well, apparently Jimmy Buffett, you're the life bladder your grandparents business. Um. He wrote bumfarto into a song lyric. Now, my distaste for Mr Buffett prohibited me from looking up that lyric. I don't like Jimmy Buffett. Are we gonna have a moment here? Who knows? Who cares? Yeah? No, I can't stand them, really yeah, I cancel that plist. I just can't take it. But I'll tell you, like a strong Jimmy Buffett memory I have is that when I was little, like young, maybe like ten, our neighbors across the street UM had their friends over and they were all going to go to a Jimmy Buffett concert and they were tying went on in the afternoon and yeah, and the friends are like middle aged right there, the whole face, like the kids across the street their parents. And so the lady there, the friend I was sitting like, I'm riding my bike and she's in the driveway drinking with all her friends. And I was supposed to like water their plants or something while they were out getting hammered at the Jimmy Buffett and the lady I don't know her, and she says to me, she was like, come here, come here, come here. And I go up to her and Watte's got like, well, she's got like a Virginia hanging out of her mouth. And she goes, you know, I gotta tell you something. You know what the best cure for her hangover is. And I'm just like yeah, and I'm flatlining staring at her. She's like a tuna sandwich, French fries and a chocolate milkshake. But you gotta dip the fries and the milkshake. But it's got to be a tuna sandwich. I didn't now, no, I was. I am a very polite person, no matter what I think about them, Like I can't help myself. I didn't say a word. I just turned out on my bike and road away. And so I hope this remembers that story too. I don't think she remembers. And so anytime I hear about Jimmy Buffett, I think of that. And then I started thinking about tuna sandwiches, and I'm like, you know what I like to the sandwiches. Don't really like Jimmy Buffett. Have you ever dipped the fries in the shake? Though? No, I have friends who swear by that. I bet friends swear by Jimmyuffett. So anyway, who knows? Who cares to quote Jennifer Smith? Um? What what saren? Is your ridiculous takeaway here in this wealth of ridiculousness that we've waded through like the drifts of cocaine on the streets, Key west Um, I would say, my ridiculous takeaway is, if you're named bum Farto and you you have a wife and she's willing to take your last name, treat her right, or when you disappear, she will not care and not want to talk about it. I think if you're named bum Farto, that is a promise you're making to the world and you have to you have to come through. You got up on that. He came through very much did as as somebody with a strange name. He's up in the pantheon a strange name people. He's fulfilling the contract. Yeah, definitely the social contract with the crazy name. I know I've said this a lot lately, but you gotta love a good character, Yeah, I mean wacky characters in authentic ways. Yes, yes, not that trying hard, they just are that. Yeah, Because like I feel like right now, we get a lot of people who are being quirky or eccentric and kind of a put on way. It's intentional and precious, theatrical and performative, and it's meant for you, not for them, right. I like people who are just strange and they can't help it. Who knows who cares, right, and they're not apologetic about it, but they're also not trying to get attention. And yeah, so wearing red, having an all red house, that's really rad and weird. I like it. Um, the man's named Bumfardo, you don't care, you can change his name, No, you give it them. I like that kind of organic weirdness, true presentation of goofy. You can say it gases you up well, and it's it's it's so steamy. Um. Quirky behavior and lifestyles now are too attached to pre manufactured and commercial things. That's my statement. I take away A book series or a film franchise isn't a personality. I'm going off into my own screed right now, but it's like, doesn't make you an outsider. That's a mainstream thing. And outsider is Bumfardo dressed in red selling coke at a fire station, the prophecy of his name game that he brought from the city. Yeah, exactly. Get back to me. When you're named for a bodily function and you flex on spirits at a little league game to bring it, bring it, Bumfardo. That's my takeaway. I like that he's willing to ask for the you know, the protection of the Spirits for little League, not for like the national game, not for like, oh this local team, like the exactly, the Spirits have their back. That's all I have. I'm all that was good, Like your cup overfloweth with Bumfardo. That's it. You can find us online at Ridiculous Crime on both Twitter and Instagram. If you have a tip for us about a Ridiculous Crime confession, email us Ridiculous Crime at gmail dot com and then tune in next time. Ridiculous Crime is hosted by Elizabeth Dutton and Zarin Burnett, produced and edited by Undercover parenthead Dave Kuston. Research is by senior Arson investigator Marissa Brown. The theme song is by sawed Off Shotguns Smithies Thomas Lee and Travis Dutton. Executive producers are key Line Pie Aficionado's Ben boll And and Mell Brown. Ride Say It One More Time We Dequeous Crew. Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeart Radio. Four more podcasts to my heart Radio, visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.