BBWs, unite! The Red Table Talk community is joining Queen Latifah in her fight against weight prejudice. At the virtual red table, we’re revealing the truth behind the BMI, and why you should absolutely ignore yours. Tracy, Cara, Alisa Deanes Davis, and Vanity Eddy share about the family who have uplifted them, and the family, doctors, and coworkers who have tried to tear them down. Listen in on this conversation to hear the unfiltered ups and downs of these four women’s journeys to body acceptance.
Hosts Information:
Cara Pressley
@thecareercheerleader Cara’s Instagram
@TheCareerCheerleader Cara’s Facebook
@the1cheering4U Cara’s Twitter
@FeelinSuccessful Cara’s TikTok
Cara’s Website
Tracy T. Rowe
@tracytrowe Tracy’s Instagram
@troweandco Tracy’s Facebook
@tracytrowe Tracy’s Twitter
@tracytrowe Tracy’s TikTok
Tracy’s Website
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LET’S RED TABLE THAT is produced by Red Table Talk Podcasts. EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS Jada Pinkett Smith, Fallon Jethroe and Ellen Rakieten. PRODUCER Kyla Carneiro. ASSOCIATE PRODUCER Yolanda Chow. EDITORS AND AUDIO MIXERS Calvin Bailiff and Devin Donaghy. MUSIC from Epidemic Sound. LET’S RED TABLE THAT is in partnership with iHeartRadio.
Pay y'all, Hey, what's up? And welcome to let's Red Table that. I'm Tracy teen Rope and I'm call Presley. How are you doing today? Tracy? You know how I'm doing? Come on all right and every days and that's exactly right, super duper excited. You and I both have some pretty dog on positive ways to look at things. You're sucessful, I'm every day amazing. And what I love about that is that you and I are also five three huh. And you and I also full figured or what they called BBWs right and we are. I love that. I love that we each on it right. That was one of the I want to say, like a pioneering moment when they asked us to do this podcast was I was like, wow, yes, you just accept us as we are and we appreciate Red Table Talk for that. Today's episode is super successful. It's quite Latifa. I mean I was getting right into it. I'm are yes, Yes, I love love love Queen Latifa. Like her, she was all about empowerment long ago. She started it out for a lot of black women to see positivity in our age group on television. I remember being in a position where there was no one on TV that really looked like me. Oh, absolutely absolutely. And then when women single came out, it was like, I relate to all of them. I bet this is true for you because you and I have that aquarious power, right, uh huh? Did you feel like you could identify with more than one character? I definitely co relate to more than one character. Definitely could relate to Queen Latifa. And then I had a little spirit of Maxine and Sinclair at the same time. Oh mg, I totally see that. I totally see that. I do, and I love it. I'm here for it because I related to, of course Queen Latifa, because Queen Latifa was a boss, she was, still is and still is a boss. And I'm glad that she's taking this whole weight issue and obesity as a charge for her. I'm grateful she's changing the game. That's it. She is changing the game. She's been changing the game. So here's a fun fact back in it had to be but she had to talk show. I actually won her fitness challenge. She had a fitness challenge. She got to talk about that. Listen, she had a fitness challenge on the show. I was already watching the show because I want to be a talk show host too, And again she had set the bar, had become a host, and I'm like, look at her doing her thing, still changing the game. But she had a fitness challenge with the trainer and I won the challenge. And I have since gained all that way back. But it was a great opportunity, and I want all these DVDs. I have no DVD player to play them on now. But you know, it just shows the times it was. It was just a great experience. How super cool is that? This is totally full circle for you. Okay, so now she is fighting against this whole notion that society is trying to get us to live up to these expectations that are completely unrealistic. Let's talk about Let me tell you my elementary school experience was probably the most challenging. Though. I was the tallest for the longest, and then I was like, oh I'm tall, but I was also developing, and I was the chubby. You know how many words we have for a little flat girls plump, I was full, y'all, was fluffy. I was all those things right. And my classmates were the opposite. First of all, they were not black and they were not fluffy. That part that is the challenge high school was trying to fit in and try to be something child. I don't know what we were trying to be. But when it comes to elementary school, I went to private school, and you know, although there is no competition as far as old we're all wearing the same thing. Baby, We're feeling these things out different, Okay. And when I say I was the first developing one, I was the first development with the brawl popping, you know what I mean. That is a different conversation when you are fully developed in fourth grade and I'm playing sports, we are bouncing, we are looking different than our peers. Well, I can tell you that feeling different is part of the reason why I am so adamant now to let people know that I see them, affirm them, and love them. I don't want anyone to feel the way that you and I are saying we felt when we were in school. That's why I'm more so just trying to allow people to be who they are and remind them they are successful in every state of being as they are. They are enough, so yes, I think that those experiences clearly define the trajectory of our lives because now we're here, we've gotten to share a bit about how we feel. But we want to also share what you, our community, had to say about this Red Table Talk episode. One of the fans asked Queen Latifa how she stops negative self talk, so we ask you the same question. Here are some of your answers. To kick it off. VJ says, it just came to me. I was in my apartment. I walked past the mirror and I caught a glimpse of myself and it just hit me. I'm okay with me. I just cried and kept repeating it. We loved that because I feel like we all have those breakthrough moments of this is it. I love me, VJ. I love that. That's beautiful. Brown Betty said, I've learned from a queen on Rue Paul to name my inner saboteur then talk back to it like, ain't nobody asked your stupid ass Angie shut out to run back. She is a member of the Red Table Talk r v A group and an amazing comedian. And when I tell you, I read that in her voice. Oh that's good. I love it. Did I do her justice? Come on here, Brown Batty, Why do you name your saboteur Angie? Okay, for I the es in the world. Anybody ask you, Angie. I love it. I love it. I'm gonna do that too. Marcus Johnson shout out to him. He is actually another Red Table Talk rb A member. He says, I've learned from practicing yoga that every person is different and has different gifts and challenges, and not one person is better or worse for it. We are all entitled to peace simply because we exist. I love that because it is the truth and we do deserve it. That is the truth. Gail Or Well Rhonda said, I stop and focus on my blessings and accomplishment. We love that. That's good. I love that. That's good. Daja Coldie says, first self awareness, noticing when I'm doing it. Then I explore my senses, what's going on in this exact moment, What do I hear, smell, see, et cetera. It always brings me back. Then I focus my energy towards something else. I love that ground yourself. That's good. T Draper Brazil said, you literally can't thank negative thoughts while speaking positively. Come on here at T Draper Brasil like that affirming, going back to those affirmations speaking out loud, speak over your life. We're here it all the time. But it's time to do, y'all. We gotta execute this season. We're going to take a quick break, but when we get back, we'll be joined by two incredible guests from our Red Table Talk community. We're bringing to fellow our t T community members to the virtual Red Table. I'm so glad Alsa Dean's Davis is unless Red Table That today because she relates to a lot of what Queen Latifa shared at the Red Table from people putting labels on her because of her size and b M I to try and to maintain her healthy view of herself and not let outside opinions affect that. Alisa gets it. Thank you, Alsa for coming on to share your story with us. Thank you for having me. And Vanity Eddie is joining us from Riverside, California today, but this is not her first time testing on a Red Table Talk production. If you could see her right now, you might recognize her from the fan wall in the Red Table Talk episode we're talking about today, of course, with Queen Batifa, and Vanity was not able to share how her body type has impacted her life on that episode. So that's what we had to come back today so we can give her that opportunity. So Vanity, thank you for coming to this virtual red table with us unless red table that how are you today? I am awesome, guys, and thank you, thank you, thank you for having me as a guest. No problem, the problem. We are excited that you are here. So let's jump into it. This is the part of the show where we reveal which moments made us pause, I mean really made us rewind the segment and listen again. So this is time for wait what wait, wait, wait what happened with that? I love the segment, right, so let's just jump on into it. One of the first moments of Worst was when Queen Latifa revealed that the cast of Living Single was told that they needed to lose weights. We helped create Living Single, so when you look at that picture, you see four different women, four different shades, four different types, and we looked like four women who would live in Brooklyn, right, But the word came down that we needed to lose weight. This was that it is a weight what for real? Because I remember the weight watching the show and loved every minute and I think it was the last thing I was thinking about, but they still brought it up. How d y'all feel about it? I was really shocked when the show was like what top in the African American Latino community Queen Latifa and approached her and said, you need to lose some weight and other cast members and y'all she's breaking revenue. Beside she is now y'all can turn about her weight. So yeah, I bothered me. I agree, I agree. I think it was crazy. I think about the time period when the show came out, so back then, when we were just really getting our foot in the door to be able to have mainstream black shows back then, I can see them asking absurd questions like that, or of having no expectations. Definitely wasn't realistic. I think they're crazy for even expecting them to want to do that, considering the whole idea of the show was to have black members on their exploiting themselves as they are. What else would they expecting? And the various sizes represented me and my friends. So I'm listening like what, And I wonder did they approached them after Friends came out? Because we can't even look at friends. I'm sorry not this in the show, But that didn't represent anybody because they had like no black people on the show. It didn't present me. It didn't represent me, like they had no black friend. It's like in New York City, Like you would never see black people walking around. It's New York City, So you're trying to con them. That's not even like reality to me living single, For me, watching that was reality. I had a friend that looked like May. Jane's character had a friend look like st Clair. I had a friend, you know, like Max. It's so to me that was so for them to approach them and say, hey, I want you to fit into this mode of what America wants. That kiss me off? And so yeah, you think about what did America want? Was it just wight prejudiced? That was the last remaining acceptable bias. I can't even get it out because it just it infuriates me. According to experts, weight prejudice is the last remaining social acceptable bias. Numerous studies have found children as young as three believe harmful stereotypes and biases towards overweight people, including that they are lazy, weak willed, unsuccessful and unintelligent. The fact that it is the last acceptable. That's the problem, right, right. I've experienced some way bias, right, But it was growing up I had to forgive myself because it was mainly sports, especially specifically gymnastics. I grew up and just could not fit those little guards. Man. I am built different. So that was my experience. So you always feel like you need to be smaller because everyone else is, or even cheerly the outfits. Back in high skill, I wanted to be a cheerleader. For me to be able to fit into that cheerleading outfit, I had to be around of ten twelve, and that was not realistic for me because a lot of those uniforms they kind of passed down. When you think about the high school setting, they don't really buy new uniforms from time. They just pass them down because economically it works for them. And if I couldn't fit into any of those uniforms that they were passing down, then they weren't passing anything to me. And the way they large. I made the cheerlead squad, but if I want the cheer and fit in that uniform, I had to lose the weight they'd have to say it was implied. It was definitely. And the other option with sweatpants. I didn't want to wear sweatpants, you know, my first time making the high school cheering the squad, I wanted to look like everyone else. I end up drinking slim fast in high school, just doing things like that so that I could be able to fit into that cheerleading uniform. And here's the other part about that. Even if you are the same size, we know that the bodies are not the same. Like we literally could have the same size and look completely different. It kind of goes into the next wait what moment when Queenland here that she was told that she was technically obese because of her being. She was showing me different body types and she's like, this is what your b a maya's, this is what your weight is, and you fall into this category of obesity. I was mad at that. Off. Now, Tracy, I told you already. I make up my own being my number. Wait a minute, Wait a minute, this is white. What for real, y'all make um own because I don't like what y'all talking about. You heard this, Okay, what did you do? Car? Just make up my own I don't like and B and my for me, you know we're both short now we're five three. Upon believe I'm supposed to be a hundred and twenty pounds. I don't think I've been net since fourth grade something along those lines. Literally, if it was fourth grade, I was young, like I was little at that weight. But we know now. According to the Washington Post, the body max Index or b M I car was making up her own she's got a c m I was created two hundred years ago a guy who took the average height and weights of a group of white men and called this the ideal body type. These measurements do not reflect most bodies today, particularly women. And hello, non white people. Can anybody say hello and hello hello? No, no, point out one white man with some hips and we can talk. And just the fact that people who are childbearing like just generally hold and carry more weight. So that's another thing. I feel like it's not considered, especially if the standard was white men. Let me say this, I just want to know what do y'all think. Two hundred years ago the standard was established by white men using white men. Can we not modify the b M I to be more relevant? This is my first time ever hearing about that, that's crazy. I mean, hundred years ago, we weren't even free. I'm I can go on another tangent, but so we know you ain't counting us. Okay, no exactly, but let alone women who didn't have rights and freedom. So you take this right group of white in and you decide this is gonna be a standard. So it sounds about Yeah, it sounds about right for the times, but it definitely needs to change. You would think that someone at this point would have addressed it and to seem like everyone okay with this standard with not changing the b m I. And we're asking for the medical professionals to rally together on behalf of the people of America and modify the dog on b m I to be more inclusive of what Americans look like today, including women and people of color. Thank you on behalf of the four of us here at let's red table that. So here's something else we're gonna talk about that how has your bm I affected your life or your health care? So my b m I has affected my life mentally, you carry around this I'm overweight, I'm obese. For some people who are attempting to try to lose weight or you're trying to make decisions like healthy eating and only to see and it doesn't matter how hard I try, I'm still labeled obese because this index is saying that, like you still I'm only five four and I should you about maybe one thirty five. I've never reached that. Sometimes I deal with not feeling like I'll ever be ideal, so mentally that takes a toll on my self esteem to feel like I'm not what the standards should be healthcare. In terms of B and I, I think that it's not relevant because something's like I said, I've been playing sports all my life and since twenty I was diagnosed with hypertension. But it had nothing to do I think with my body weight. I look at my history and my mom she had a stroke at forty, my grandfather he had a heart attack at fifty. My family had a history. So it's more in my opinion or what it looks like, more hereditary versus you know, gotten is based on body weight. I've made healthy decisions to ensure that I had a healthy weight, and then by nineteen years old, I'm diagnosed with hypertension. So how does the B and I really affect my health care? Is it realistic? Because you have people that are smaller than me or and actually end within their being my index and have hypertension or have diabetes. I don't even think those two things correly at all. Think about all the other people right now who are making alterations to their body because of this B and my index. It carries so much on certain people and including myself, and for me, I don't even address it because it hasn't done anything to me but give me low self esteem. There's no solution, not at all. They're like, here's your being mine, have a great day. They just think you're unhealthy. So yeah, that's it. You're lazy, You're unhealthy, especially because that's because of this. I'm just lazy and healthy, eat fried chicken all day. That's ye I do. But still, I mean sometimes, okay, that's funny. What really bothers me is because I had no idea that this was created two years ago. So I've basically been like chasing a two under year old like standard white man created standard. I mean, like my white has fluctuated. You can tell you that since I was a child, like I've gone up and down, been anywhere from a size twenty six to a size ten as an adult, and I'm proodical size eighteen now and lot I have to do with me chasing the idea of what a healthy b M I is and with a healthy images. So that's I'm really floored by that. So I think, of course, that's definitely affected me in my life, and for me, my way is more about just my health. I've gotten to the point I'm comfortable with who I am, how I look, but I do want to be healthier. So that's why I chase not being my But I takes a healthy lifestyle, like having a healthy lifestyle is one thing, and I think anytime you associate numbers right with it, it makes it challenging. So my b M I is not in the range that is appropriate. And so I go every year and it never has been. By the way, hello, I can say that without any issue. It never has been. I love myself and all my assets. Okay, this last year, it's time for me to come up on another wellness check. So I get a full series, the whole battery of tests run, y'all, and my doctor looks at me and sees this this extra pandemic weight and goes um. You know, so, Tracy, if we ever included the A one C test with you, and I looked at him, started laughing, and I was like, Okay, you see all these extra assets now, so you got to say to yourself, she's short and fat, so she's got to be die you're bad act Let's test it. So I said, we haven't done an A one C before. Let's do one now so I can show you that I'm not diebetic. Get the test back. I was not diabetic, I was nowhere near. I wasn't pre diabetic. I was nothing. And I told him with glee, don't let this fat fool you. I don't have anything. I have nothings. And so the whole construct of being overweight and being obese is such a horrible mind f right, because you see that there are people who are super slim who are also unbelievably unhealthy, and they call that skinny fat a lot of times. And then why does it have to still be something fat healthy getting unhealthy? It's healthy. Period. Back to Vanity's point, this is a lot of this is just genetics. You just cannot stop certain things. I definitely have kidney failure in my family. There are some things that I need to address as well. But I do have hypertension as well. And when it came like, my doctor was like, I need you to know you're so healthy. It's not like there's a lot that you can do. Of course, you can work out what have you, but I need you to know you're probably still need to take this medicine. So let me tell y'all something. And this was at work. This was a few years ago. This guy, he and I had this conversation about him being diabetic and him having hypertension, and he came to me and said, hey, Tracy, and I was like, hey, how are you doing. The name remains anonymous, we'll just call him Sam. So Sam says, with a regular Coca cola in his hand and a couple of ice So, Tracy, how are you doing? What you're sugar? And I said, I don't have sugar. You don't I said no. He said, what do you mean. I said, no, you are the one with diabetes. I don't have diabetes. I said, what are you doing with this regular coke? And so then he comes back, he goes, you know what, you're right, You're right. Let me go ahead and get rid of somebody gave us to me, I don't even want it. So he walks away and he comes back. He goes, okay, so Tracy, now, how is your hypertension? How your blood pressure? I said, my blood pressure is fine. What are you talking about? I think society makes the criminator? Yeah, and this is this is chit chat, this regular conversation. So then this is what got me. I said to him, I don't have any health issues. And this was his response, y'all. He said, so you mean to tell me you're just walking around here healthy And I was like, yeah, yeah, I am. And he couldn't believe it. And I thought, now something is really wrong with that. Okay, So going them out with b M I a measurement of health that was not made with all bodies in mind. We learned that two in five Americans are considered obese, and four and five Black women are considered obese. So we have this non inclusive view of what health is telling all of us, specifically Black women, that we have a health problem when we really don't. As Tracy gave us that perfect example, like it's just so automatically understood. The women at the Red Table talked about some of the reasons why black women can be heavier, like a lack of access to produce, but I think it's also because of just this inherited survival mentality. I feel like we just are on the go and if you know, an emotional either sometimes that's just a part of the plan. We talk about a lot of things linear as if it can be prevented, but a lot of things stack on top of things to create a certain health issue for those who have it, but definitely not automatically created or linked to the b M. I So when you're hearing these statistics, ladies, what sparks in your mind for me? I think they just need to do more research and talk to more people in different communities somewhere where those resources are limited, and not just the food, just the knowledge. Let's talk about their whatever, because a lot of people don't even understand or not empowered with the information on what's healthy what's not healthy. It's so interesting that you talked about people eating what they have and not having knowledge about different food options or even nutritional education and awareness. That is an attention to the food deserts that you mentioned. Car. That is definitely one of the things that may lead to this number being accurate with the four out of five. Let me say what I know about black people and what we come from. Historically, Car has this saying leftover slave stuff, right, Car, Yes, I do. And the leftover slave stuff in this case was that slaves had to eat whatever they had available, and it wasn't fresh produced, it wasn't leaning cuts of meat. It was literally scraps. And if you are coming from generations of cooking using those items, using the method that food was prepared, you are literally going to consume that. That is what you grew up eating, that's what you're gonna teach your children to eat, and that may not be the necessarily healthiest option, right And if you are, on top of it, living in food desert, that compounds the issue. And so the idea of knowing that four out of five black women maybe obese, First of all, I have issue with that word altogether obese. My wife and I laughed because she says obe sounds like old, beast, old, big old, something right like it? We like that, Why not just bigger than the average of American because that is somewhat of a basis of what they're going upon. But is it is it really bigger than the average American when the average American science and size of fourteen. I don't know it's going up since then, Like seriously, yeah, what is the size of an average American? Really? Size sixteen? Okay, okay, keep going up? We all big old. I was telling Tracy to like on top of the eating scraps and things that we only had and somewhat mirroring and continuing that throughout our life. You know, I tend to be an emotional eater. You just gotta be honest with who you are and where you are. Baby me and my son was celebrating everything in COVID. Hey, you bought the cake. You just listen. We can only go to the grocery store brought us the cake today. We're just gonna celebrate life in our culture or as African Americans, black women, whatever you wanna call us. It's so much going to the left. Sometimes the cake feels right. I just sometimes people want to cupcake a Snickers. You're not yourself when you're hungry. So many subliminals as well as we're on the go chasing dreams and doing whatever. A lot of us are just eating out of survival, out of habit or trying to find a little some type of silver lining in their day. Okay, even on everybody hates Chris Love that show. I feel like that mom had that turtle. She had those turtles randomly. She always wanted, just like small things like that create a bigger just to have a moment, just a moment, just to have a moment, moment. So as a mom, I feeling the moments that we have are connected to food and all. The other part of that for women of color is that we had historically bodies that had to bear the labor of a land. Right, We bore the children, We had to work the fields, we had to work in the house. There was work that needed to be done. Your body naturally reacts to what you give it, and so you're going to be bigger. Man stayed pregnant. My grandmother had nine children, her mother had eight. Like it's just certain things generationally were different. So I know a Lisa grandmother. Yeah, she had my mom's me thirteen and then three died at birth. But yeah, so she had ten children. Yeah, and that's been pregnant probably from I don't know, maybe aged eighteen to one child. Okay, and the way that pregnancy took my body through to do it ten times. This is the thirties and forties and fifties right here, was not what it is now. Hey, these women were amazing. We talked about the ridiculousness of Queen Latifa and the cast of living single being as to lose weight. But one beautiful part of that story was that shot Kim, Queen's business partner, absolutely stood by her and was like, no way. You know you're not gonna do this. You're not gonna She's not changing the thing. As a matter of fact, a Lisa, have you had support like this went outside and Launce just try to make your body their issue. My family, my parents, I can tell a story too. I don't have one too deep. But when I was like probably about Tenery Levin and it's a family member who drinks a lot in the family and he was drinking a lot and he made a comment to me and he was like, oh man, you've gotten so fat. And I'm a little girl. Ryan is a grown man telling me this. So my other cousin who's a year younger than me, stood up for me and then and to this day I still tell him that I still don't want to cry. He just started going off on him. You old drunk man. You shouldn't be talking to her like that. And this cousin says that I saw you about three months ago. I said, I'm not gonna say his name. I will never forget, even as a teen year old girl, how you stood up for me. For the most part of my family have always had support. No one's ever made me feel some kind of way about it. That one uncle when he was told that liquor reveal who he was. But I had someone there to support me. That meant the world to me. And even now, as a forty four year old woman, I still recall that, and it's crazy, but that's the kind of support that we have to give each other in our community and our children. Regardless, you never forgot how the uncle made you feel, and you never forgot how the cousin supported you, and that is powerful. And the fact that you said just thinking about it and the support you got can make you cry because people don't understand that sometimes their words hurt and they last right in regardless of all things I've done, successs I had in my life, that still sits with me. This tenor dold girl. We're sitting here being ridiculed, culled by her adult uncle. And I forgive him because he has a drinking problem, you know, but still my cousin. I love on him more because of how he reacted as a child. He knew it wasn't right and he took up for me. He was younger than you. He was younger than me, or you're younger. Yeah, just the way we carry things though it's a luggage that you didn't even know how to handle, you know what I mean, Like you just kind of look at it like in one a blurb of a moment, but you carry that. But part of those verbals are one of the reasons that contribute the white And that's the thing you want to realize. One person can really jack you up in the head. So people have to really be careful with the words that you was, especially with young people, because they can carry that a Lisa, you've talked about having an experience in school when you were bullied. I also want to know from everyone else if you were heavier than your classmates as a child, what was the school and like growing up like for you, do you wish they would have acted differently? Or were they on point and supported you or tell us about any childhood experience as you had. Unfortunately growing up, so I end up moving down south for my high school years. And when I moved down so I moved down my grandparents in this little town in South Carolina, and at age thirteen, politics curses coming out, and my grandparents these countries religious cover that up. Even talked to me about losing some weight problem. Yeah, and then my grandma, I'm like, I'm shaped just like her. She's boughten curvy too. Now we talked about eat. My grandma she was from the South, so she cooked everything with like porking and so like she wasn't helping the situation. But yeah, I was telling me like these things to do, even try to not eat as much, not supporting me and who I was, to the point where I, like I said, I'm always trying to lose weight. So yeah, definitely I did not have a lot of support. I can remember in high school, I was the problem by myself because none of the guys wasn't even it was interested, and I don't evenink they were interested. And the fast for that, what I'd to get together a goal to the goal we have our own problem. One day, I'm down for that problem. It did affect me because I didn't have that support. I didn't have that cousin Alicia that had jumped in and said, hey, you're perfect. How you are? I really struggled. I really struggled throughout high school because I couldn't do anything with this. But it doesn't matter how much you're in, how much I worked out, how much some fast I drank, how much I starved myself, and a lot of those things were unhealthy. I was not knowing whatever it was, practicing unhealthy habits nutritional habits instead of my parents, my family telling me, hey, this is what you can do to help you have a better healthy lifestyle. But I get it. They were older. They didn't really understand because as you go back again, you talk about them not having the resources and not being able to teach me better ways to better habits or eating habits and nutritional habits. At first, I wanted to be mad with them because Grandma, you told me how to eat that corn bread staple, right right, I want to tap into that like we Number one, cornbread was the thing of and rice, And I think about the things that we used to we were trying to stay full because we knew that there was a lax of goes back to that growing up in survival. But then also talking about our parents having the resources, I definitely want to say this, asking my parents to work out didn't make any sense to the It just was not a part of their culture. Again, a resource they didn't have. And when we look back, like they took me to my sports and stuff, but they had to work. So after two jobs, walk three miles for what you know what I mean, it just wasn't a part of the culture. I know my Grandmo didn't work out, but also their life was the workout. Like I was just gonna say she worked out plenty, it was just anaerobic workout. It was anaerobic exercise because and to the point of black, I think that most of the food, the corn bread and fed and beans and rice was literally you had to have some stick to your ribs kind of food to do some of the things that they did. Just from that day. They had hard living. And our life is so much more sedendary than it was. Work from home is what what you do again? What is Let me tell you. I can tell from my childhood. Some of you relate to this if you have other siblings or family members. My sister, my older sister, whom I absolutely adore, was lighter scanned and super petite. So then the younger sister here, I come along, and I'm the darker skinned and I'm short, but I'm thick, not slim thick, as the folks said. I was the chubby sister, right, So it was always for me the comparison with my sister. And she was not like just a little petite like she was teen ninety petite, y'all. She was like size four petite. Okay. I think I was born a size four, so you know, I mean I didn't ever get to that, okay, And so there was always a difference for me. And then the sad part, I'm like, Alisa, is my dad had absolute fat prejudice. He had one percent fat prejudice. I remember him telling me when I was, I want to say, maybe in my early twenties, that he looked at me and said, which I wasn't even near the size I am now by the way he looked at me, and he said, he's just a shame. I just can't I can't shame you in the losing weight. My dad definitely told me I was fat, and don Man went on fact the girl like that that the same thing my dad. But I'm gonna tell you what I told my dad. Rest in peace, daddy. I'm here on earth and I'm telling the truth on you as we speak. I said, looking here, daddy, you are not going to shame me into losing weight because I am with my body all the time. I feed my body, I washed my body, I clothed my body. I love my body. So you're right, you're not going to shame me into losing weight. And to that, he said, what's wrong with you is that you need to eat more pork. You eat all that, all them bergies and all that stuff. You need to eat more pork, which goes back to what we talked about. From what they knew. What my dad knew was his family worked, they were laborers. They had hearty food and hardy meals, and they burned it off. That's not my lifestyle. Right until the day he died, he was quick to tell you that I was fat. When I say that, last generation didn't care what people thought. I heard the story about Blue Ivy. Blue Ivy was talking to jay Z or dad, and she was like, what you said made me sad? And jay Z listened, And when I told my dad, he said something that made me sad. My dad said, if I can't talk to you, how the world gonna talk to you? So things like that, him telling me no man wants the fat girl, Like why am I worried about what a man wanted? Six? I don't even know why that see even but it's just their language that was like their hearts. I think they were saying and doing, like you said, Tracy, the best that they could to help us be accepted and be better than them. It's interesting because here we are saying, with the exception of a Lisa, that we had family members, our parents, saying things to us that were not positive, that were negative things associated with our bodies when we were young. And while they may have been preparing us in their minds, what they were really doing was traumatizing us, throwing their insecurity as well. Again, I did sports and watch my mom do as every other woman probably in the eighties and nineties, every fad diet there was. We can count on society to send you to feed into the mindsets that we have and one consequence of the negative use society has for bigger body people that Red Table did not dive into is diet culture. Car and you just talked about this. We all know these fad diets that pop up can be so harmful to people's health. Vanity. Have you ever gotten something to a diet and what happened because of it? Oh my god, Keto, calories that in carbs count the carbs counting, calories fasting, so many different and what happened. I'm still fat? You know what. No, I don't identify. I identify myself as bigger body that's identified. It's so interesting because I think the key in that it is the fad. That word it's a fad diet. It's not a modified lifestyle. And you think about diet, that word on its own has died in it. Like it's not when you last, it's temporary, you know what. I completely agree. One of Queen Latifa's main points in this episode was about how the language we used to talk about weight and body types is the problem, not our actual bodies. Okay, let me say that one more time. It's not our bodies, y'all, it is the language. And I'm like obese, right, So I was like, no, right, because I didn't see myself that way. That's what I'm saying. But that's the problem, and that's why I'm here because that word brings a connotation with it, and the connotation is the problem. I'm so happy to Queen Latifa points this out. Do you feel the terms we used to describe curvy women are harmful? Like we talked about obese, what else? Thick, slim, thick? Great? At the same time, sometimes it comes off as derogatory, it comes off a little over sexual It's already bad that our body over sexualized anyway, but then we had all these terms on top of it. I'm okay, miss me with it. Even like some clothing stores in retail, like I remember, I'm not gonna It's a well known clothing store that's been around four years, and I remember because I've been shopping there since I was in a teenager. Because I've the size probably like a size twenty when I was in high school. They would say, we're gonna either be a size one, two, or three, like in a store, so you would fit the range, and you're gonna either be a triangle, an apple, a pair or an inverted triangle, and I'm like, come up to be called an inverted triangle or apple or a pear? Why my fruit? And then also like they would say, and I guess where our glass well sales hour glass? So everyone wants to be an hour glass, right, But if you're not in your apple glass figure right, and I'm one of a parachape on, small can topping, larger to bottom, I guess they're trying to make you feel comfortable in who you are, which you're also you know, other women feel bad about themselves because I'm not an hour glass, So I guess I can call himself an apple or a pear or inverted triangle and that it's just super annoying. I don't know what. We're trying to stay hard and it didn't last for a long time. But then also they would say, you need a size too, and I'm not a size too, but I guess they wanted you to feel your size too. You're a size to pear shape, and I'm like, what the hell like, you're a big girl. No, I'm a size twenty. I'm the bottom. Let me own who I am, tell me what I'm supposed to be, and calling me a piece of damn fruit. I'm not a piece of fruit. What are some of the times that feel empowering to you? Curvy, voluptuous? I'm okay with for a figure just successful, because do I have to describe as something I definitely remember going through life, especially in my adult ages, and like pieces of my life by weight. I was at my lowest adult weight here, I was at my highest adult weight here on this vacation and versus what was the memory cys like, so trying to stop that and rechange that narrative for myself moving forward. That's a gift that we can really share with people to know that if you are really experiencing joy in the moment, don't associate what your weight is, yes, because you're literally robbing yourself of the joy of that experience. That is so true. I remember looking back and I don't know if you guys said this is true for you too, and thinking at this way, Oh gosh, when I was x y z WAD, I thought it was really big. Now look, I wish I could go back to being that side. The way we beat ourselves up randomly, Like Vanity said, this, being my characters goes with you like a shadow like a ghost. Just it's crazy you still big. You get that new pick three number on the scale boy, And I don't know why I call it pick three number, because it because listen, for some reason, I was looking for a number on the scale, right, and I could just eat a cupcake and still be looking for that number. Girl. Just push your pick three number today, because you know what, you know what the logic was, though. It's because we had been literally sad that you had to be a certain size, a certain number had to be on the scale right right. That is true. You call it pick three though, because I don't care. And I hate to say I don't care, because I know people hear that and be like, oh, you don't care about our waiter. It's just a longer life goal for me. So once you know more about your body, I promise it feels a lot better because it can consume you otherwise. Quinlanity for openly shared that she has considered obese, something that most people are not eager to disclose, but she did so to explain the problem with obesity is the associations we pair it with. If you're comfortable sharing at Lisa, we know that you have some stories or what labels have doctors or others giving you based on your size, and how did that affect you mentally being in school and being bully, being called fat, or someone assuming that because you are overweight, you're lazy, or you're slow, or even sometimes I'm trying to question your intelligence, they will, Yeah, because you look a certain way. That means you're not taking care of yourself, which means you're not very smart, which means which means you're also fat. Like it can just definitely trickle down so much different things. My parents, I really value them in the fact that they always taught me self a seem they really did, and so it would be difficult to get that at home and then go out and you have other people see your different ways. I was always kind of battling with that, but I did have the comfort at home annoying that you know what, You're still beautiful, godless what size you are. And so I think for me growing up, I had to realize, Okay, I am smart. I feel like what's the movie with smart? Yeah, because the world in society and people a lot of times in school and say you're in the playground and you got to pick your teammates whatever, and being the last person pick cause they assume because on a certain size, I can't run as fashion or I'm lazy, or as an adult when it's time to go on the vacation or your girl tripping with your girlfriends, and I tend to be the bigger one in the group. Right. There is a vibe when y'all go out to eat and it's a booth and they're kind of looking like, girl, can you fit here? Girls like me? But this is that Do they literally ask you if you can fit in the boot? No? I feel like it's always implied these are my girlfriends, they love me. But I mean, even when you're out to eat at a restaurant or when you're just people who assume or they'll look at your certain way. I can't believe you ordering that. Maybe it is my insecurity or what I feel based on past experiences, you know what I mean. But there's definitely sometimes an inkling of can you fit here? Like small moments that I feel like people who maybe an average size don't have to think about. It's definitely assumptions, but it's also like people putting their insecurities on you too. I think that's all too like you're saying, you're on a plane. The seatbelt might be kind of tight, but I can buck up, and I don't have a flight atend. Walk by, Can I see your seatbelt? I don't think anybody else in my mind, I'm like, I hope you're trying to do a job, because right you don't want to get crazy to get bucked about, and I don't I'm talking about here. It is because you don't want to embarrass the situation more because you stick about being overweight and being black whatever. That's the biggest thing for me is I think just people a lot of times putting their insecurities on me. Have you never thought? I know? I know my mind right now. My mind is blown. Don't get me wrong. When I'm walking the room, I don't care. I'm probably gonna be the biggest personality there. I'm gonna be the biggest everything there when I walk in a room. Anyway, I think what you want, but you can feel it sometimes you can feel that energy. I can tell you a flight attendant doesn't have to ask me if they need to see my seatbelt because I'm walking in with my own damn extender. About that wait a minute, you got Amazon, Amazon, come on here, and I needed my asset's a wide and I want to make sure they covered when I get on the plane. Yes, it's the extender for me. That's a good idea. I'm real body aware, right, don't play games with me asking me to see my dog on seatbelt, Bring me a beverage, man in a snake, bring me some cookies. We are absolutely delighted that you joined us today. I'm telling you I enjoyed you both, Vanity and a Lisa. Thank you so much for being with much. We got a schedule a date for that problem though. That's right, we love it. We got to virtual problems. Let's red tape of that prom date is a love it. We're going to take a short break right now, and when we return, we'll share our top five takeaways from this episode. Listen. Discussing this episode has been such a learning experience from me, so I'm excited to finally share our top five thoughts. I love the top five thoughts. This is part of the show where we speed through five thoughts slash takeaways from the episode. Let's fire them off. Number five, choose love for yourself always not Some of the not part of time every day always. Number four, it's not about weight, it's about health. There's so much more to it, as we discussed today. No, you know what, I you know what I always tell people, don't let the fat fool you. And that's it, am I right, that's the post and that's it. Don't let the fat fool right. Number three, start your body positivity journey right now every day. Don't wait. Love on yourself. I agree. Number two self talk is powerful. Yeah, what you tell yourself is important. What others have told you is important as well, And as we talked about with our guests, sometimes you may need to remove that from your mind. Get it out of there. So remember those things that actually matter to you. Hold onto those. And number one, you cannot face your view of yourself on outside opinions. Worry about what you think about yourself. That's it. Outside is never going to give you what you need. Don't rely on them. And it's ever changing. And once you set yourself looking for the outside opinion, you'll always be looking for an outside opinion and you'll never be satisfied. We want to know how you are feeling about this new season A red table talk and We are open to talk about anything with you, so sitting in your questions at Let's Red Table that at red table talk dot com. Thank you so much for listening. Make sure you subscribe on I Heart Radio app, and please rate this podcast on Apple Podcast We want a five. We'll be back next week for another episode of Let's Red Table bat A big thank you to our executive producers Jada Pinkett Smith, Ellen Radkinson and Falon Jethro And thank you to our producer Kyla Knau and our associate producer Yealanda Chow. And finally, thank you to our sound engineers Calvin Bailiff and Devin donnegheten