Hey, fam I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the Red Table Pop podcast all your favorite episodes from the Facebook watch show in audio produced by Westbrook Audio and I Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review on Apple podcasts. On this Red Table Talk meet a married couple and their girlfriend. Thomas and I are in an open relationship after one year of meeting each other. Definitely, sex is part of it, but it's not the first thing. It's a three way relationship called a thruffle. I'm not doing it to be like, oh look at me because of the sex. It's nothing to do with me, and that's what men think it is and I hate it. Would you have a problem with Willow decided to be in the throuffle? Jada and Gamey, Have you ever been interested in being in a throuffle? Hell? Yeah, hell no? Have you ever had a three? Are you learning too much about your mother? I'm going to be open. Well, you've been so interested in polyamory and she's been reading and listening to podcasts. So here's a crash course on polyamory. Okay, let me break it down. Polyamory is an honest romantic relationship with multiple people at the same time, no secrets or lies. A throuble is the type of polyamorous relationship three people having a consensual romance. Polyamory is not polygamy. That's when a man has multiple wives. And it's not swinging, where couples have casual sex. The polyamory community is diverse, all ages, genders, religions and backgrounds. There's a lot of love. We all love each other very much. I'm very in love with Christina and I'm very in love with Benno. As the divorce rates continue to climb and attitudes become more and more relaxed, more people are investigating poly break There's are young people that have watched their parents get divorce, their friends parents get and they're looking for an alternative. And I mean even for people who are in law relationships like myself. I'm constantly will and are constantly in conversations about alternatives. You know what I'm saying. Have had the discussion, you know, because being married to listen forever. But I think this is the scariest thought that people just shy away from. It's the feeling of feeling like the person that you love is falling in love with somebody else, and that insecurity, that insecurity and fear just eats us alive. But this is the thing that insecurity and fear is something that we need to overcome and something that we need to evolve out of and change that and transmute that into something new and different that can actually be helpful and make us love more and more freely. And monogamy, I feel this is just I'm not personalis is just for me. I feel actually inhibits you from learning those skills of evolving past those feelings of insecurity and well jealousy, you know what I mean monogamy because there's different stages, you know what I'm saying, So monogamy gives you the same thing in a different way. But but what I'm saying is that it's like that feeling of like, oh no, like you can't do this, that feeling of like if you were to do this, the world would crumble on both sides, right, And I feel like that's just not a healthy way. There's no freedom. It's for you, is what you're saying. Yeah, exactly. I have done a lot of reading and research, and what you find a lot of the time is that marriage and monogamy is steeped in this idea of ownership, and so I feel like those underlying historical oppressive natures that were the beginnings of monogamy and marriage. Marriage wasn't about love, it was about monetary exchange. Is that your distaste from monogamy is that you feel like it's oppressive to the woman. I feel like it very well can be, because monogamy can work. I mean we've see, yeah, I have. It's been around work for thousands of years, right. I think that people are just trying to figure out how to do it differently. And divorce is an epidemic and it's an emotional desert out here, and people are really trying to find meaning and true love and compassion connect in the most authentic way. How to connect in the most authentic way. I I don't know about this polyamory, but but it's even it's not even like the word polyamory like putting to me. It's more about the meaning of like you can create the kind of relationship that you want for your life, for yourself. It's about creating a community in which there's interconnected compassion and communication and love. And it's really about for me, the evolution of human relations and because some evolution can come through. But personally for me, just what I've observed in life, it just seems that way personally for me. So again, would you be in a polyamorous relationship? I don't think that that is for me. I know, I'm not have to think about it. No, no, no, no, it's not. Maybe if I were younger, but certainly not at this time in my life. I find it so challenging to be in the committed relationship that that I'm in, Like, I have so much work to do on myself, and we talk endlessly, you know, to try to make sure that we are on the same page. I can't imagine that. Like Rodney's always focusing on how we handle each other, how we treat each other, how we talked to one another, how you treat the other person, or the other you bring in somebody else, say, girl, By, do you think you can be in love with two people at the same time? Um? I do? Okay, there it is. And this is amazing, niversal because I think you love many people at the same time, differently, very differently. People have to have the freedom to decide whatever components they need in order to make their situation work. Would you have a problem if Willow decided to be in a threatle or in a quadruple, I would not be excited about that. I would not. I just I don't. It doesn't sit well with me. It doesn't sit well with me because I feel like I don't understand um this quote unquote emotional commitment. At the end of the day, I don't feel like that's what it's really about. You know, in my mind, I'm feeling like they're just trying to enjoy sexual relationships with other people. And that's fine too, and calling it something else, but I feel like, just call it what it is. Well, then you would just swing. Now, see that's the same swingers just swing, So just do that. But see, but there's not that, there's a little swings. They want to have an intimate really, they want to relationship, and that's the difference. But that's why you have so many swingers. Some people don't even some people don't want to don't want to have sex, and that's why they go into poems relationships. But is that something beyond if I would like it? Is that something that you want? Of course? This is the thing. There's so many different kinds of people in this world, and so many things to learn, so many people to learn from, and I don't see the benefit in not learning those things, or in not putting myself in a position to learn as much as I possibly can from as many people as I possibly can. Get Ready, get ready to me, and that your perspective is the most important thing, Like your intention, because some people don't have pure intentions, and those are the people that you just don't want in your life. If your intention is to create more love, more understanding, more community, more compassion in your life, then I'm all for it. But if your intention is to just have sex all the time and it's not with whoever you want, that just doesn't sit well with me. That's not aligned with my purpose. So I really couldn't see myself in a quadruple. I mean, anything could happen, but personally male and female, that's all I need. Well, there it is, she says she wants in each game. How does that make me feel? Because I think my stomach just listen, you know me, Willow, whatever makes you have Willow is really young and so so much to experiment with. And I always tell her never be afraid because I just know you have to live who you're not to know who you are, So don't be afraid to go into things that you might find out. That's not asking for me. Okay. So I'm listening to you guys, and I'm trying to stay open minded, but my gut tells me this is a bunch of frackinackle. Yeah. Yeah. You know what's so interesting though, why it's so not foreign for me too, is that I've had a non sexual throutle for years. When you have your husband that has taken care of another woman, that's spending time with another woman, it's the same thing. And that I said when you asked me, did I feel like you could love someone more than one person at a time. Absolutely, because I know that will love Shari. I know that Rodney loves his daughter's mother's right, you know, so yeah, absolutely, But I just expect their relationship to be different, loves to be doing right when I'm thinking about monogamy, like I'm just You're eighteen years old, and I'm thinking about all the relationships that I've been in in my lifetime. There you go. It's a generational show called The Red Table. So Willow told us about this thruffle that she saw on social media that we really wanted to bring to the Red Table, and they have agreed to come and share their polyamorous relationship with us and educate us. Hi. I'm Nick and I'm Thomas's girlfriend. Hi'm Katherine, I'm Thomas's wife. Hi, I'm Thomas and Nicholl's my girlfriend and Katherine is my wife. We've been together in nine months. I mean Katherine been together for eight years and married four or five. We got that right well. Then I met Cathy through work and we met and went on a freeway date, and Thomas and I had quite strong connection. The rest of history. People assume that when you have a second or third person join your relationship that it's because you're unhappy. We wanted to just be open and honest about our attraction to other people. You really just can't control who you're going to get attached to you Once you don't have like a social circle that judges you on stuff, and you can do whatever you want. We would like to normalize our situation and normalized conversation around it. Yeah, the best thing about this is being able to tell people at being in a throopol is a thing welcome. So how did this all come to be? Thomas and I were in an open relationship from after one year of meeting each other, was something we decided. But Nicole and I were friends from work. I heard through the grapevine they were in an open marriage, and I was like, what the heck is that? Oh wow, okay, so we both knew about each other, but we were kind of professional that we work, and then we organized an event when Thomas came to the event that evening and we read up for a drink beforehand in this spar and it's just crazy sparks flu between them. Really really, We're both like, so, had you guys talked about it before this or was this a completely cold I mean, we've been another relationships for the people before. This isn't the first thruffle relationship you've had. We had a quadruple before, ye okay, yeah. Game is trying to figure it out. I really am. I'm trying to, you know, be open minded and just trying to understand when you the two of you first got together, was your union intended to be polyamorous? When we first got together, we were monogamous. We knew we knew nothing else, and we were fine with that. We were like, so, well, what made that change? Just as our relationship developed, it just naturally went that way. And we went with Betha on our first ever holiday, and these guys hit on me by a bar and Thomas was visibly enjoying the fact I was getting attention, and I just started to buzz. I was like, I literally cannot predict this guy. I fell in love with him on the spot, right And then I brought it up with him afterwards because we were comparing it to other relationships, and you said, like, you know, I love it when people give you attention. For me, that's like a huge compliment. Also feel very secure in our relationship. But there's something about it. It It makes me feel good. Fast forward to times when Thomas has and found other people attractive as well, Like I get this like buzz because I don't feel threatened. I don't feel like I was saying about people falling in love with someone else might be in the end of the relationship. I don't feel like that. Thomason every never makes me feel like that. It was so secure in our relationship, also very secure in himself, Like I don't know anyone that cares less about what other people think about him than Thomas, because most men would not be able to have I've never seen it before. Would you say that they're on is that you have that these two can go back and forth with giving you what you need. Yeah, and also that there's needs outside of these relationships. So would you say that that's part of why this works? Is it because you had that understanding that not one person can facilitate and it's sorts of the other side feeling that pressure like I've got to give everything for this person? Like what pressure that for one person to take on? Do you feel like something was missing in your relationship where you had to bring in somebody else though people I said all the time I have to used to defend it and safe. We've never brought anyone in. It's just happened. It's not looked for anything. But I need this. I'm going to go find it. It's just so as a natural progression, and when we have tried to find it, it's not the right. But based on what we've just said that not everyone can fulfill all your needs. Yes, I have to say that when I've been attracted to other people of any gender, because I'm attracted to people of all genders. They give me different things, so you know, my relationship and the Cold gives me something Thomas could never give me physically because she's a woman and attracted to women as well, but mentally, like we have such an intimate mental kind of connection. Don't mean we know each other like in a deep way that I probably don't think many people know me as well. So obviously there's so much more that goes on behind the scenes of the way that women and men. But I think so I feel like being a bisexual woman having both partners of either sex is like there was this happy equilibrium that sort of like vibrates between especially our relationship. But I still feel like and that's the issue from me, is that I still feel like the draw is sexual and manless saying something so definitely sex is a part of it, but it's not the first thing. So I can see someone like Nicole is absolutely beautiful to me, but if she opened her mouth and I didn't like connect with her on the way that I did, nothing would happen for me from the waist down, like I wouldn't be attracted to her. We started out, let's go to a sex party. This is just so cold and from the point where like, Okay, this is not what we need, what what are we after? Were like and we realize it's connection, right, And that's the difference that we were trying to explain before being swingers versus having a polyamorous you want to feel connected. There's a difference between a romantic relationship and a sexual relationship. When I'm talking to people about polyamory, they automatically go to that space of like, it's so sex oriented, when not all the time it has to be like that, And I would actually say polyamory it would have to be more than just sex, because then you could just go sweet. There's so many other communities in which you could just go. And I mean it's a it's less complicated way less complicated an intimacy thing, Like an intimacy doesn't have to be sexual can it can be so much deeper than that. I feel like within an open or ethno monogamous relationship, that is like the grounding force that we all feel and that's probably what draws us together more than anything. And I think intimacy it's so to nourishment for the soul when you can have really special connections with people, whether it's sexual or not. When you can intimately connect with someone, whether it's intellectual, whether it's emotional, whether it's like well, however, it does have a certain nourishment and brings a certain vibrancy to the spirit. And that's what humans are made for, Like our brains are wired for connection and for community. And when we cut off those connections of like, oh no, like I'm only supposed to love one person, like that's the way it's supposed to be, that can make some people really depressed and sad and not even know why that's happening to them. So do you deal with bouts of jealousy? Sometimes we haven't within this relationship. I think the reason my relationship works so well is that the point that we met Nicole, Nicole had had experiences with couples, and because she's so incredibly by I think there's a spectrum right in the middle, you know, like it's a very balanced relationship in that respect, because she has needs equally on both sides, event in the physical way and then the mental intellectual way as well. It was working really well for me the same thing. It seems like to me that there's such a beautiful connection between the two women. I know, if I was in a polyamorous relationship, I don't think I would want to be sexual with her, but she would have to be my sister. Why we would have to have a connection of our own. And it seems like you too have a connection that you share that feeds into you, which then can also feed into him. And then you like me and the coach together and these two didn't get along, like I wouldn't be happy, you know what. The statistics that say that this is so many people are in these kinds. I just can't I can't say they happened. No, no, no, it's seriously because I'm saying that because this right here just seems rare to me that she would be able to find someone that is that in alignment. I mean, it's one of the things that I actually appreciate about polyamory is that it's an alternative in regards to relating and can exclude infidelity. We can never cheat on each other, we can never be dishonest about anything. It's like it's all on the table. And because it's beautiful, because at the end of the day, that's what you want you want honesty, you want transparency, you want what's real, and that's a lot of your rounds and bound boundary and you're never going to get around looking at someone and being like, oh, that's always going to happen. That's human nature. Yeah, you just be honest about it. Thomas and Cathy have a seven year old son. How does he He just sees a bigger family. We ease Nicole. He clocked it first. He's really into it. First time explained it to him, He's like, yeah, I know, okay. I feel like he always putting a cral on the pedestal. And the reason I think that happened is because he could tell that I'd like a love for her. That was when beyond the love I have for other women home close to and obviously Thomas had a love for her as well, so he just picked up on that. So like where I would like cold and kissing Cole when she arrived at the house, and Thomas would too, Like although it wasn't like a sexual thing, it's very obvious he could pick up on that. So yeah, for me, it was so important to sit down and listen to you guys, because I try to be open minded about things, but it's really hard. But then when you sit down and listen to you all and I see how you all interact. Now I understand what you're talking about. When you're talking about the shared intimacy, the shared commitment, it goes beyond the physical apps. And that's what I wasn't getting. I was like, this is just like that's they should just swing and be done, because what is all of this? Do you think maybe with this understanding, your marriages may have been most successful? No? I don't. I don't think. I don't think that that was ever really the issue. I'm right now you haven't converted, and like, don't you can burn it at this table. Let's get the fishball. This is the fishball. We got questions and listen, so I'm gonna give this to you and you guys are I guess you go? First question for the thriple, how do you deal with onlookers? Do they bother you? I would say we enjoy it? How doing other men when they've seen you? And when you talk to other you have a wife and a girlfriend, like they're like, y, how are you doing that? You're living the dream? Like I hate the kind of Oh yeah, well done. You did it, and it's like I hate it because it's like, you know, it's not all roses, it's hard workings. I'm not doing it to be like, oh look at me because of the sex. It's nothing to do with it. And that's what men think it is. Let me tell you that's some hard work. And like, I'm sure if they really think about it, they're like, why are you doing that? Nicole from Seattle, Jada and Gammy, have you ever been interested in being in a throuble? Hell? Yeah? You know what I could do with thrupple? I could? Would it be sexually? I could probably be romantically engaged with somebody else? But I can only have sex with one person. I'm sexually monogamous. But I definitely could be romantically Polly maybe if I was back in the day, you know what I mean, Like today I can't. I could have only one. Would it be in two guys? Or would you? Would it be you a go? We'll probably have to be a quadruple Okay, Okay, yes, it would have to be equal. It's harder to run a quadruple life, to say, just because it's like a table with one that goes and the whole thing down. I actually have a question for Willow. If you were in an open relationship or a threatle, how would you see the dynamics of the genders. I love men and women equally, and so I would definitely want um one man, one woman. I feel like I could be poly fidelitous with those two people. I'm not the kind of person that is constantly looking for new sexual experiences. I focus a lot on like the emotional connection, and I feel like if I were to find two people of the different genders that I really connected with and we had a romantic and sexual connection, I don't feel like I would feel the need to try to go find more. It could be beautiful. Sarah from Las Vegas, Jada, have you ever had a three? I had a threesome once I was very very young, was like early early twenties. I didn't like it. It just didn't have the level of intimacy, you know, But I tried to want to and I was like, well that was that's not for me. But I would think that if I was again love with two people level, that's another level. I could see enjoying a threesome then. But I was a kid, I was just like I saw two cute people in the way sexual experience it was. It was more of a sexual experience the other way though. It can almost be like two intents. It's like almost you love these two people, and it's like it's almost too much sensation. You just like overload your like what I can imagine sitting here and listening to you guys, I was like, well, I was in love with two people. Go for it. You know. It's like, oh, yeah, you're learning too much about your mother to know. I love learning. You guys are awesome. Yeah, it was. It was very Are you enlightened? There's a different for a game. You got a different outlook on it. I do. I think it's understanding that I understand that, stand it better, and that's what this is all about. I just love love, and I just love just sitting here and feeling the love between the three of you. I love love no matter what form it comes in, and yes, no matter what this right here, it works for me. I love it. Hey, guys, welcome to the Red Table. We have a beautiful proper here that let's talk to us about and help us understand. Polly Amrie, So did you enjoy yourself I did. Actually, you guys have a great rest all days. Hey R T T family. Join our Red Table Talk group on Facebook become part of the conversation. To join the Red Table Talk family and become a part of the conversation. Follow us at Facebook dot com slash red table Talk. Thanks for listening to this episode of Red Table Talk podcast produced by Facebook. Watch Westbrook Audio an I Heart Radio

Hey, fam I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the Red Table Pop podcast all your favorite episodes from the Facebook watch show in audio produced by Westbrook Audio and I Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review on Apple podcasts. On this Red Table Talk meet a married couple and their girlfriend. Thomas and I are in an open relationship after one year of meeting each other. Definitely, sex is part of it, but it's not the first thing. It's a three way relationship called a thruffle. I'm not doing it to be like, oh look at me because of the sex. It's nothing to do with me, and that's what men think it is and I hate it. Would you have a problem with Willow decided to be in the throuffle? Jada and Gamey, Have you ever been interested in being in a throuffle? Hell? Yeah, hell no? Have you ever had a three? Are you learning too much about your mother? I'm going to be open. Well, you've been so interested in polyamory and she's been reading and listening to podcasts. So here's a crash course on polyamory. Okay, let me break it down. Polyamory is an honest romantic relationship with multiple people at the same time, no secrets or lies. A throuble is the type of polyamorous relationship three people having a consensual romance. Polyamory is not polygamy. That's when a man has multiple wives. And it's not swinging, where couples have casual sex. The polyamory community is diverse, all ages, genders, religions and backgrounds. There's a lot of love. We all love each other very much. I'm very in love with Christina and I'm very in love with Benno. As the divorce rates continue to climb and attitudes become more and more relaxed, more people are investigating poly break There's are young people that have watched their parents get divorce, their friends parents get and they're looking for an alternative. And I mean even for people who are in law relationships like myself. I'm constantly will and are constantly in conversations about alternatives. You know what I'm saying. Have had the discussion, you know, because being married to listen forever. But I think this is the scariest thought that people just shy away from. It's the feeling of feeling like the person that you love is falling in love with somebody else, and that insecurity, that insecurity and fear just eats us alive. But this is the thing that insecurity and fear is something that we need to overcome and something that we need to evolve out of and change that and transmute that into something new and different that can actually be helpful and make us love more and more freely. And monogamy, I feel this is just I'm not personalis is just for me. I feel actually inhibits you from learning those skills of evolving past those feelings of insecurity and well jealousy, you know what I mean monogamy because there's different stages, you know what I'm saying, So monogamy gives you the same thing in a different way. But but what I'm saying is that it's like that feeling of like, oh no, like you can't do this, that feeling of like if you were to do this, the world would crumble on both sides, right, And I feel like that's just not a healthy way. There's no freedom. It's for you, is what you're saying. Yeah, exactly. I have done a lot of reading and research, and what you find a lot of the time is that marriage and monogamy is steeped in this idea of ownership, and so I feel like those underlying historical oppressive natures that were the beginnings of monogamy and marriage. Marriage wasn't about love, it was about monetary exchange. Is that your distaste from monogamy is that you feel like it's oppressive to the woman. I feel like it very well can be, because monogamy can work. I mean we've see, yeah, I have. It's been around work for thousands of years, right. I think that people are just trying to figure out how to do it differently. And divorce is an epidemic and it's an emotional desert out here, and people are really trying to find meaning and true love and compassion connect in the most authentic way. How to connect in the most authentic way. I I don't know about this polyamory, but but it's even it's not even like the word polyamory like putting to me. It's more about the meaning of like you can create the kind of relationship that you want for your life, for yourself. It's about creating a community in which there's interconnected compassion and communication and love. And it's really about for me, the evolution of human relations and because some evolution can come through. But personally for me, just what I've observed in life, it just seems that way personally for me. So again, would you be in a polyamorous relationship? I don't think that that is for me. I know, I'm not have to think about it. No, no, no, no, it's not. Maybe if I were younger, but certainly not at this time in my life. I find it so challenging to be in the committed relationship that that I'm in, Like, I have so much work to do on myself, and we talk endlessly, you know, to try to make sure that we are on the same page. I can't imagine that. Like Rodney's always focusing on how we handle each other, how we treat each other, how we talked to one another, how you treat the other person, or the other you bring in somebody else, say, girl, By, do you think you can be in love with two people at the same time? Um? I do? Okay, there it is. And this is amazing, niversal because I think you love many people at the same time, differently, very differently. People have to have the freedom to decide whatever components they need in order to make their situation work. Would you have a problem if Willow decided to be in a threatle or in a quadruple, I would not be excited about that. I would not. I just I don't. It doesn't sit well with me. It doesn't sit well with me because I feel like I don't understand um this quote unquote emotional commitment. At the end of the day, I don't feel like that's what it's really about. You know, in my mind, I'm feeling like they're just trying to enjoy sexual relationships with other people. And that's fine too, and calling it something else, but I feel like, just call it what it is. Well, then you would just swing. Now, see that's the same swingers just swing, So just do that. But see, but there's not that, there's a little swings. They want to have an intimate really, they want to relationship, and that's the difference. But that's why you have so many swingers. Some people don't even some people don't want to don't want to have sex, and that's why they go into poems relationships. But is that something beyond if I would like it? Is that something that you want? Of course? This is the thing. There's so many different kinds of people in this world, and so many things to learn, so many people to learn from, and I don't see the benefit in not learning those things, or in not putting myself in a position to learn as much as I possibly can from as many people as I possibly can. Get Ready, get ready to me, and that your perspective is the most important thing, Like your intention, because some people don't have pure intentions, and those are the people that you just don't want in your life. If your intention is to create more love, more understanding, more community, more compassion in your life, then I'm all for it. But if your intention is to just have sex all the time and it's not with whoever you want, that just doesn't sit well with me. That's not aligned with my purpose. So I really couldn't see myself in a quadruple. I mean, anything could happen, but personally male and female, that's all I need. Well, there it is, she says she wants in each game. How does that make me feel? Because I think my stomach just listen, you know me, Willow, whatever makes you have Willow is really young and so so much to experiment with. And I always tell her never be afraid because I just know you have to live who you're not to know who you are, So don't be afraid to go into things that you might find out. That's not asking for me. Okay. So I'm listening to you guys, and I'm trying to stay open minded, but my gut tells me this is a bunch of frackinackle. Yeah. Yeah. You know what's so interesting though, why it's so not foreign for me too, is that I've had a non sexual throutle for years. When you have your husband that has taken care of another woman, that's spending time with another woman, it's the same thing. And that I said when you asked me, did I feel like you could love someone more than one person at a time. Absolutely, because I know that will love Shari. I know that Rodney loves his daughter's mother's right, you know, so yeah, absolutely, But I just expect their relationship to be different, loves to be doing right when I'm thinking about monogamy, like I'm just You're eighteen years old, and I'm thinking about all the relationships that I've been in in my lifetime. There you go. It's a generational show called The Red Table. So Willow told us about this thruffle that she saw on social media that we really wanted to bring to the Red Table, and they have agreed to come and share their polyamorous relationship with us and educate us. Hi. I'm Nick and I'm Thomas's girlfriend. Hi'm Katherine, I'm Thomas's wife. Hi, I'm Thomas and Nicholl's my girlfriend and Katherine is my wife. We've been together in nine months. I mean Katherine been together for eight years and married four or five. We got that right well. Then I met Cathy through work and we met and went on a freeway date, and Thomas and I had quite strong connection. The rest of history. People assume that when you have a second or third person join your relationship that it's because you're unhappy. We wanted to just be open and honest about our attraction to other people. You really just can't control who you're going to get attached to you Once you don't have like a social circle that judges you on stuff, and you can do whatever you want. We would like to normalize our situation and normalized conversation around it. Yeah, the best thing about this is being able to tell people at being in a throopol is a thing welcome. So how did this all come to be? Thomas and I were in an open relationship from after one year of meeting each other, was something we decided. But Nicole and I were friends from work. I heard through the grapevine they were in an open marriage, and I was like, what the heck is that? Oh wow, okay, so we both knew about each other, but we were kind of professional that we work, and then we organized an event when Thomas came to the event that evening and we read up for a drink beforehand in this spar and it's just crazy sparks flu between them. Really really, We're both like, so, had you guys talked about it before this or was this a completely cold I mean, we've been another relationships for the people before. This isn't the first thruffle relationship you've had. We had a quadruple before, ye okay, yeah. Game is trying to figure it out. I really am. I'm trying to, you know, be open minded and just trying to understand when you the two of you first got together, was your union intended to be polyamorous? When we first got together, we were monogamous. We knew we knew nothing else, and we were fine with that. We were like, so, well, what made that change? Just as our relationship developed, it just naturally went that way. And we went with Betha on our first ever holiday, and these guys hit on me by a bar and Thomas was visibly enjoying the fact I was getting attention, and I just started to buzz. I was like, I literally cannot predict this guy. I fell in love with him on the spot, right And then I brought it up with him afterwards because we were comparing it to other relationships, and you said, like, you know, I love it when people give you attention. For me, that's like a huge compliment. Also feel very secure in our relationship. But there's something about it. It It makes me feel good. Fast forward to times when Thomas has and found other people attractive as well, Like I get this like buzz because I don't feel threatened. I don't feel like I was saying about people falling in love with someone else might be in the end of the relationship. I don't feel like that. Thomason every never makes me feel like that. It was so secure in our relationship, also very secure in himself, Like I don't know anyone that cares less about what other people think about him than Thomas, because most men would not be able to have I've never seen it before. Would you say that they're on is that you have that these two can go back and forth with giving you what you need. Yeah, and also that there's needs outside of these relationships. So would you say that that's part of why this works? Is it because you had that understanding that not one person can facilitate and it's sorts of the other side feeling that pressure like I've got to give everything for this person? Like what pressure that for one person to take on? Do you feel like something was missing in your relationship where you had to bring in somebody else though people I said all the time I have to used to defend it and safe. We've never brought anyone in. It's just happened. It's not looked for anything. But I need this. I'm going to go find it. It's just so as a natural progression, and when we have tried to find it, it's not the right. But based on what we've just said that not everyone can fulfill all your needs. Yes, I have to say that when I've been attracted to other people of any gender, because I'm attracted to people of all genders. They give me different things, so you know, my relationship and the Cold gives me something Thomas could never give me physically because she's a woman and attracted to women as well, but mentally, like we have such an intimate mental kind of connection. Don't mean we know each other like in a deep way that I probably don't think many people know me as well. So obviously there's so much more that goes on behind the scenes of the way that women and men. But I think so I feel like being a bisexual woman having both partners of either sex is like there was this happy equilibrium that sort of like vibrates between especially our relationship. But I still feel like and that's the issue from me, is that I still feel like the draw is sexual and manless saying something so definitely sex is a part of it, but it's not the first thing. So I can see someone like Nicole is absolutely beautiful to me, but if she opened her mouth and I didn't like connect with her on the way that I did, nothing would happen for me from the waist down, like I wouldn't be attracted to her. We started out, let's go to a sex party. This is just so cold and from the point where like, Okay, this is not what we need, what what are we after? Were like and we realize it's connection, right, And that's the difference that we were trying to explain before being swingers versus having a polyamorous you want to feel connected. There's a difference between a romantic relationship and a sexual relationship. When I'm talking to people about polyamory, they automatically go to that space of like, it's so sex oriented, when not all the time it has to be like that, And I would actually say polyamory it would have to be more than just sex, because then you could just go sweet. There's so many other communities in which you could just go. And I mean it's a it's less complicated way less complicated an intimacy thing, Like an intimacy doesn't have to be sexual can it can be so much deeper than that. I feel like within an open or ethno monogamous relationship, that is like the grounding force that we all feel and that's probably what draws us together more than anything. And I think intimacy it's so to nourishment for the soul when you can have really special connections with people, whether it's sexual or not. When you can intimately connect with someone, whether it's intellectual, whether it's emotional, whether it's like well, however, it does have a certain nourishment and brings a certain vibrancy to the spirit. And that's what humans are made for, Like our brains are wired for connection and for community. And when we cut off those connections of like, oh no, like I'm only supposed to love one person, like that's the way it's supposed to be, that can make some people really depressed and sad and not even know why that's happening to them. So do you deal with bouts of jealousy? Sometimes we haven't within this relationship. I think the reason my relationship works so well is that the point that we met Nicole, Nicole had had experiences with couples, and because she's so incredibly by I think there's a spectrum right in the middle, you know, like it's a very balanced relationship in that respect, because she has needs equally on both sides, event in the physical way and then the mental intellectual way as well. It was working really well for me the same thing. It seems like to me that there's such a beautiful connection between the two women. I know, if I was in a polyamorous relationship, I don't think I would want to be sexual with her, but she would have to be my sister. Why we would have to have a connection of our own. And it seems like you too have a connection that you share that feeds into you, which then can also feed into him. And then you like me and the coach together and these two didn't get along, like I wouldn't be happy, you know what. The statistics that say that this is so many people are in these kinds. I just can't I can't say they happened. No, no, no, it's seriously because I'm saying that because this right here just seems rare to me that she would be able to find someone that is that in alignment. I mean, it's one of the things that I actually appreciate about polyamory is that it's an alternative in regards to relating and can exclude infidelity. We can never cheat on each other, we can never be dishonest about anything. It's like it's all on the table. And because it's beautiful, because at the end of the day, that's what you want you want honesty, you want transparency, you want what's real, and that's a lot of your rounds and bound boundary and you're never going to get around looking at someone and being like, oh, that's always going to happen. That's human nature. Yeah, you just be honest about it. Thomas and Cathy have a seven year old son. How does he He just sees a bigger family. We ease Nicole. He clocked it first. He's really into it. First time explained it to him, He's like, yeah, I know, okay. I feel like he always putting a cral on the pedestal. And the reason I think that happened is because he could tell that I'd like a love for her. That was when beyond the love I have for other women home close to and obviously Thomas had a love for her as well, so he just picked up on that. So like where I would like cold and kissing Cole when she arrived at the house, and Thomas would too, Like although it wasn't like a sexual thing, it's very obvious he could pick up on that. So yeah, for me, it was so important to sit down and listen to you guys, because I try to be open minded about things, but it's really hard. But then when you sit down and listen to you all and I see how you all interact. Now I understand what you're talking about. When you're talking about the shared intimacy, the shared commitment, it goes beyond the physical apps. And that's what I wasn't getting. I was like, this is just like that's they should just swing and be done, because what is all of this? Do you think maybe with this understanding, your marriages may have been most successful? No? I don't. I don't think. I don't think that that was ever really the issue. I'm right now you haven't converted, and like, don't you can burn it at this table. Let's get the fishball. This is the fishball. We got questions and listen, so I'm gonna give this to you and you guys are I guess you go? First question for the thriple, how do you deal with onlookers? Do they bother you? I would say we enjoy it? How doing other men when they've seen you? And when you talk to other you have a wife and a girlfriend, like they're like, y, how are you doing that? You're living the dream? Like I hate the kind of Oh yeah, well done. You did it, and it's like I hate it because it's like, you know, it's not all roses, it's hard workings. I'm not doing it to be like, oh look at me because of the sex. It's nothing to do with it. And that's what men think it is. Let me tell you that's some hard work. And like, I'm sure if they really think about it, they're like, why are you doing that? Nicole from Seattle, Jada and Gammy, have you ever been interested in being in a throuble? Hell? Yeah? You know what I could do with thrupple? I could? Would it be sexually? I could probably be romantically engaged with somebody else? But I can only have sex with one person. I'm sexually monogamous. But I definitely could be romantically Polly maybe if I was back in the day, you know what I mean, Like today I can't. I could have only one. Would it be in two guys? Or would you? Would it be you a go? We'll probably have to be a quadruple Okay, Okay, yes, it would have to be equal. It's harder to run a quadruple life, to say, just because it's like a table with one that goes and the whole thing down. I actually have a question for Willow. If you were in an open relationship or a threatle, how would you see the dynamics of the genders. I love men and women equally, and so I would definitely want um one man, one woman. I feel like I could be poly fidelitous with those two people. I'm not the kind of person that is constantly looking for new sexual experiences. I focus a lot on like the emotional connection, and I feel like if I were to find two people of the different genders that I really connected with and we had a romantic and sexual connection, I don't feel like I would feel the need to try to go find more. It could be beautiful. Sarah from Las Vegas, Jada, have you ever had a three? I had a threesome once I was very very young, was like early early twenties. I didn't like it. It just didn't have the level of intimacy, you know, But I tried to want to and I was like, well that was that's not for me. But I would think that if I was again love with two people level, that's another level. I could see enjoying a threesome then. But I was a kid, I was just like I saw two cute people in the way sexual experience it was. It was more of a sexual experience the other way though. It can almost be like two intents. It's like almost you love these two people, and it's like it's almost too much sensation. You just like overload your like what I can imagine sitting here and listening to you guys, I was like, well, I was in love with two people. Go for it. You know. It's like, oh, yeah, you're learning too much about your mother to know. I love learning. You guys are awesome. Yeah, it was. It was very Are you enlightened? There's a different for a game. You got a different outlook on it. I do. I think it's understanding that I understand that, stand it better, and that's what this is all about. I just love love, and I just love just sitting here and feeling the love between the three of you. I love love no matter what form it comes in, and yes, no matter what this right here, it works for me. I love it. Hey, guys, welcome to the Red Table. We have a beautiful proper here that let's talk to us about and help us understand. Polly Amrie, So did you enjoy yourself I did. Actually, you guys have a great rest all days. Hey R T T family. Join our Red Table Talk group on Facebook become part of the conversation. To join the Red Table Talk family and become a part of the conversation. Follow us at Facebook dot com slash red table Talk. Thanks for listening to this episode of Red Table Talk podcast produced by Facebook. Watch Westbrook Audio an I Heart Radio