Relationship trauma expert Dr. Janie Lacy is here to help us to understand our core wounds and avoid toxic relationships in today’s episode. Janie and I talked about the importance of knowing yourself (i.e. becoming self-aware) and how that knowledge can lead you into uncovering your childhood (or core) wounds. And yes, we all have them. Understanding where we’ve come from can then help us to build healthier relationships.



Lately, there’s been a lot of what I call psycho-babble flying around on social media. Words like narcissism, gaslighting, toxicity, and the like, have become overused and ill-defined. I wanted an actual therapist to help us to not only decode these words but more importantly learn to recognize if we see any of these patterns in our relationships.


Understanding Your Core Wounds


Even good families have some level of dysfunction. I like to say that we’ve all marinated in the "juices" of our families of orgin, and no matter how we try to detach from the craziness of our childhood, we all carry some level of crazy into adulthood. Think about the family you grew up in. How did you see your father treat your mother and vice versa? Did you even have a father in the home? If not, how did that affect you? Was your mother nurturing or distant? How did you respond to her? Maybe, sadly, you didn’t grow up with a mother. It’s obvious that the way we were raised affects us today. Janie tells the story of feeling embarrassed to speak in front of people because, as a child, she had rotten teeth. She had to learn to overcome her core wounds and learn how to communicate. This revelation led her to becoming a psychotherapist.



A friend of mine says, “There is no such thing as marriage problems; only childhood problems that manifest in marriage.” I’m sure she didn’t make that up, but whoever originally coined it is on the right track. What doesn’t get healed gets repeated. Janie also reminds us that if we don’t deal with our core wounds, they will haunt us in our relationships.



“We need to understand where we’ve been so that we can unblock where we want to go and why we attract certain people.” – Janie Lacy


Becoming Self-Aware




Janie and I also discussed some practical steps people can do in order to become self-aware. Understanding your core wound is a big part of this, but it’s also important to break out of the mundane. When our lives are too “ordinary,” and we are too comfortable, there is little reason to change or even question if something might be awry. When trauma presents, we are shaken loose of living on auto-pilot. Ask yourself how do you feel when no one else is around? Do you feel loved? Unseen? The reason many of us don’t want to do the work of becoming self-aware is because it is painful. It forces us to take responsibility and look at our own toxic thinking and areas we’ve allowed others to mistreat us. It’s sobering to realize we had a part to play in these toxic relationships.


Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship




Before you can rid yourself of toxic relationships, you must first understand if you’re in one. Beware. This is hard. When you truly love someone, it can be disorienting to think of him/her as toxic. The good news is that the person isn’t necessarily toxic, but the behavior is. Not all toxic relationships have to end, but toxic behavior must. Janie shared with us the following practical signs to know if you’re in a toxic relationship:


You make excuses for your partner’s negative behavior.
You can’t be yourself with your partner. You feel like you’re constantly performing.
Your core wounds are being incited when you’re around your partner.
You see unhealthy patterns (being cursed out, being manipulated, being abused, etc.)



This episode was chock full of sage and practical advice. Thanks Dr. Janie Lacy for all you shared with us today!


Links Mentioned in this Episode




Connect with Janie at http://janielacy.com



Get My Free e-Book! 5 Relationship Mistakes that are Wrecking Your Life







SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT

To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.

Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!

Relationship trauma expert Dr. Janie Lacy is here to help us to understand our core wounds and avoid toxic relationships in today’s episode. Janie and I talked about the importance of knowing yourself (i.e. becoming self-aware) and how that knowledge can lead you into uncovering your childhood (or core) wounds. And yes, we all have them. Understanding where we’ve come from can then help us to build healthier relationships.
 
Lately, there’s been a lot of what I call psycho-babble flying around on social media. Words like narcissism, gaslighting, toxicity, and the like, have become overused and ill-defined. I wanted an actual therapist to help us to not only decode these words but more importantly learn to recognize if we see any of these patterns in our relationships.
 
Understanding Your Core Wounds
Even good families have some level of dysfunction. I like to say that we’ve all marinated in the "juices" of our families of orgin, and no matter how we try to detach from the craziness of our childhood, we all carry some level of crazy into adulthood. Think about the family you grew up in. How did you see your father treat your mother and vice versa? Did you even have a father in the home? If not, how did that affect you? Was your mother nurturing or distant? How did you respond to her? Maybe, sadly, you didn’t grow up with a mother. It’s obvious that the way we were raised affects us today. Janie tells the story of feeling embarrassed to speak in front of people because, as a child, she had rotten teeth. She had to learn to overcome her core wounds and learn how to communicate. This revelation led her to becoming a psychotherapist.
 
A friend of mine says, “There is no such thing as marriage problems; only childhood problems that manifest in marriage.” I’m sure she didn’t make that up, but whoever originally coined it is on the right track. What doesn’t get healed gets repeated. Janie also reminds us that if we don’t deal with our core wounds, they will haunt us in our relationships.
 
“We need to understand where we’ve been so that we can unblock where we want to go and why we attract certain people.” – Janie Lacy
 
Becoming Self-Aware
 
Janie and I also discussed some practical steps people can do in order to become self-aware. Understanding your core wound is a big part of this, but it’s also important to break out of the mundane. When our lives are too “ordinary,” and we are too comfortable, there is little reason to change or even question if something might be awry. When trauma presents, we are shaken loose of living on auto-pilot. Ask yourself how do you feel when no one else is around? Do you feel loved? Unseen? The reason many of us don’t want to do the work of becoming self-aware is because it is painful. It forces us to take responsibility and look at our own toxic thinking and areas we’ve allowed others to mistreat us. It’s sobering to realize we had a part to play in these toxic relationships.
 
Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship
 
Before you can rid yourself of toxic relationships, you must first understand if you’re in one. Beware. This is hard. When you truly love someone, it can be disorienting to think of him/her as toxic. The good news is that the person isn’t necessarily toxic, but the behavior is. Not all toxic relationships have to end, but toxic behavior must. Janie shared with us the following practical signs to know if you’re in a toxic relationship:
 
<ol><li>You make excuses for your partner’s negative behavior.</li>
<li>You can’t be yourself with your partner. You feel like you’re constantly performing.</li>
<li>Your core wounds are being incited when you’re around your partner.</li>
<li>You see unhealthy patterns (being cursed out, being manipulated, being abused, etc.)</li>
</ol> 
This episode was chock full of sage and practical advice. Thanks Dr. Janie Lacy for all you shared with us today!
 
Links Mentioned in this Episode
 
Connect with Janie at <a href='http://janielacy.com/'>http://janielacy.com</a>
 
Get My Free e-Book! <a href='http://danache.com/relationshipmistakes'>5 Relationship Mistakes that are Wrecking Your Life</a>
 
 
 
SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT
To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on <a href='https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/real-relationship-talk/id1528234628'>Apple Podcasts</a>, <a href='https://podcasts.google.com/search/real%20relationship%20talk'>Google Play</a>, <a href='https://open.spotify.com/show/3c4eI4A4bDw7rrHCZbiEzb'>Spotify</a>, <a href='https://www.stitcher.com/show/real-relationship-talk'>Stitcher</a>, <a href='https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-real-relationship-talk-70625882/'>iHeart Radio</a>, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media.
Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on <a href='https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/real-relationship-talk/id1528234628'>Apple Podcasts</a> to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!

Ever wonder if your marriage can feel close and alive again—even after disappointment, disconnection, or broken trust?

Rebuilding Us is a Christian marriage podcast featuring honest conversations about marriage, connection, and faith. Hosted by relationship expert, speaker, and author Dana Che, each episode provides biblical relationship advice and practical tools for couples who want deep, authentic connection and real hope—and enough humor to make the hard conversations a little easier.

Whether you’re struggling with communication, recurring conflict, emotional distance, rebuilding trust, infidelity, or simply wanting a deeper connection with your spouse, Rebuilding Us will help you understand what’s really happening beneath the surface—and what it takes to move forward.

Through solo teaching, real-life stories, and conversations with insightful guests, Dana brings warmth, wisdom, candor, and humor to the conversations couples are often afraid—or unsure how—to have.

You’ll learn how to move from conflict to connection, rebuild trust, strengthen intimacy, and grow together through every season of marriage.

Because relationships can get messy. Trust can be broken. Connection can fade.

But broken doesn’t have to mean beyond repair. We’re rebuilding what life tried to break.

Welcome to Rebuilding Us. 

Get Dana's latest book, Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples, wherever books are sold! 

Ever wonder if your marriage can feel close and alive again&mdash;even after disappointment, disconnection, or broken trust?
Rebuilding Us is a Christian marriage podcast featuring honest conversations about marriage, connection, and faith. Hosted by relationship expert, speaker, and author Dana Che, each episode provides biblical relationship advice and practical tools for couples who want deep, authentic connection and real hope&mdash;and enough humor to make the hard conversations a little easier.
Whether you&rsquo;re struggling with communication, recurring conflict, emotional distance, rebuilding trust, infidelity, or simply wanting a deeper connection with your spouse, Rebuilding Us will help you understand what&rsquo;s really happening beneath the surface&mdash;and what it takes to move forward.
Through solo teaching, real-life stories, and conversations with insightful guests, Dana brings warmth, wisdom, candor, and humor to the conversations couples are often afraid&mdash;or unsure how&mdash;to have.
You&rsquo;ll learn how to move from conflict to connection, rebuild trust, strengthen intimacy, and grow together through every season of marriage.
Because relationships can get messy. Trust can be broken. Connection can fade.
But broken doesn&rsquo;t have to mean beyond repair. We&rsquo;re rebuilding what life tried to break.
Welcome to Rebuilding Us.&nbsp;
Get Dana's latest book, <a href="https://danache.com/tried-and-true-book/" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://danache.com/triedandtrue&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1767879070424000&amp;usg=AOvVaw3Lc8E5zya32sng_mUFZb4t">Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples</a>,&nbsp;wherever books are sold!&nbsp;

Get the blueprint to improve your marriage and overcome hurt, rediscover intimacy, and deepen your connection. Communication problems got you down? "Rebuilding Us" gives you the valuable tools and encouragement to restore trust, learn from conflict, and navigate the ups and downs of marriage with grace and resilience.

Rebuilding Us: Christian Marriage Advice for Couples

Ever wonder if your marriage can feel close and alive again—even after disappointment, disconnection, or broken trust?

Rebuilding Us is a Christian marriage podcast featuring honest conversations about marriage, connection, and faith. Hosted by relationship expert, speaker, and author Dana Che, each episode provides biblical relationship advice and practical tools for couples who want deep, authentic connection and real hope—and enough humor to make the hard conversations a little easier.

After 27 years of marriage, Dana knows that strong relationships aren’t built by avoiding hard seasons—they’re built by learning how to move through them well.

Whether you’re struggling with communication, recurring conflict, emotional distance, rebuilding trust, infidelity, or simply wanting a deeper connection with your spouse, Rebuilding Us will help you understand what’s really happening beneath the surface—and what it takes to move forward.

Through solo teaching, real-life stories, and conversations with insightful guests, Dana brings warmth, wisdom, candor, and humor to the conversations couples are often afraid—or unsure how—to have.

You’ll learn how to move from conflict to connection, rebuild trust, strengthen intimacy, and grow together through every season of marriage.

Because relationships can get messy. Trust can be broken. Connection can fade.

But broken doesn’t have to mean beyond repair. We’re rebuilding what life tried to break.

Welcome to Rebuilding Us. 

And be sure to get Dana's new book  Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples wherever books are sold! 

Ever wonder if your marriage can feel close and alive again&mdash;even after disappointment, disconnection, or broken trust?
Rebuilding Us is a Christian marriage podcast featuring honest conversations about marriage, connection, and faith. Hosted by relationship expert, speaker, and author Dana Che, each episode provides biblical relationship advice and practical tools for couples who want deep, authentic connection and real hope&mdash;and enough humor to make the hard conversations a little easier.
After 27 years of marriage, Dana knows that strong relationships aren&rsquo;t built by avoiding hard seasons&mdash;they&rsquo;re built by learning how to move through them well.
Whether you&rsquo;re struggling with communication, recurring conflict, emotional distance, rebuilding trust, infidelity, or simply wanting a deeper connection with your spouse, Rebuilding Us will help you understand what&rsquo;s really happening beneath the surface&mdash;and what it takes to move forward.
Through solo teaching, real-life stories, and conversations with insightful guests, Dana brings warmth, wisdom, candor, and humor to the conversations couples are often afraid&mdash;or unsure how&mdash;to have.
You&rsquo;ll learn how to move from conflict to connection, rebuild trust, strengthen intimacy, and grow together through every season of marriage.
Because relationships can get messy. Trust can be broken. Connection can fade.
But broken doesn&rsquo;t have to mean beyond repair. We&rsquo;re rebuilding what life tried to break.
Welcome to Rebuilding Us.&nbsp;
And be sure to get Dana's new book &nbsp;<a href="https://danache.com/triedandtrue" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://danache.com/triedandtrue&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1767879070424000&amp;usg=AOvVaw3Lc8E5zya32sng_mUFZb4t">Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples</a>&nbsp;wherever books are sold!&nbsp;

Relationship trauma expert Dr. Janie Lacy is here to help us to understand our core wounds and avoid toxic relationships in today’s episode. Janie and I talked about the importance of knowing yourself (i.e. becoming self-aware) and how that knowledge...