Revealing & Healing Sexual Abuse – with Dr. Jessica McCleese


Here’s the truth: either you or someone you know has been victimized by sexual abuse. It’s a sad reality that most of us hate talking about. But if we don’t talk about it, the stigma and shame will continue its cycle in our hearts and relationships. Joining me on the podcast for this important and urgent conversation is my friend, Dr. Jessica McCleese, a psychologist and sex therapist. Jessica tells us her personal story of being sexually molested and abused and the havoc those experiences wreaked on her psyche. But she’s not alone. I, too, in a rare conversation, talk about my experience with sexual abuse and the damage it began to have on my marriage. But God.



So many women and men silently struggle with identity issues, guilt, confusion, embarrassment, shame, anger, and an array of other emotions because of sexual abuse. And many still won’t talk about it. I want to do my part to help people begin the path of healing and freedom from sexual abuse. Statistics show that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men are sexually abused by the time they turn 18.[1] That’s a LOT of us!



Naturally, as I was wrapping up the All About Sex series, I concluded this was a topic that could be off limits no longer. We need real, honest, and helpful conversations about sexual abuse that will help single and married people to overcome all its damaging effects.


A Survivor’s Story


A few years ago, my friend, Terri, shared a spoken word at a women’s conference at our church entitled Story. Terri, too, is a survivor. With her permission, I am sharing her spoken word with you. May you find comfort in reading it:



She sits in distress

concerned and under arrest

She, sits in her pretty pink dress, afraid to tell her mom because she’d make a mess

of things

She’s six and he… he cornered her.

She’s not even old enough to write legible, his decibels rang in her ear: “TOUCH IT!”



She sits in distress

Concerned and under arrest

Her heart beats out of her chest

She’s too young to be shaken from the nest, but Satan’s jest was to destroy her…



And soon - her reality became a mental and physical battle of sexual brutality

As her molester sold her inexpensive lies that tied to her heart like - you’re so beautiful

and you deserve this…

And - just when her eye ducts began to swell, he whispered three destructive words:

DO NOT TELL

And she, she kept his word - that, secret tucked away privately, she put on insecurity

and suffered quietly and silently as he, ran away with my voice…



Her shackles grew stronger with age. She’s enraged at the world, every night curled into

the fetal position.



Nothing's more painful than knowing that the past you were living was just a counterfeit. 

Yet, nothing’s more rewarding than knowing that Christ is a redeemer

And Satan is a deceiver, he, wanted me to be sick of men, like fever, continually

attacking my views on fatherhood ... That is... 

Until I became a believer

I said Satan is a deceiver - one who gives a false impression

He wants you to be so wrapped up in what happened to you, that you neglect this

lesson: God. Is.



God. Is. So concerned about you that he, the Father, sent His own son to suffer - just

when you think your problems are rougher, God's love is tougher...

God. Is. A father to the fatherless. He is perfect relationship, and every time your lips

part to recant your past story, remember to allow God to get the glory

I committed to let God do surgery, I allowed Him to open me up and start purgin’ me - to,

mend the fabric that was torn from molestation, I even surrendered my teenage

frustration and hatred toward my earthly father.



In the beginning, was the word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

He was in the beginning with God. And all things came into being through Him and The

Word gave life to everything that was created, and his life brought light to everyone.



Jesus, you are the brightest light

YOU designed my DNA, Satan has NO PLACE in the spotlight

He has NO PLACE in this heart, right - NO PLACE in this life, like

He belongs in darkness, only God dwells in the limelight

And no one can write your story, but HIM



I refuse to stand here and weep because

I miss and mourn what used to be

I refuse to accept muddy waters for the sake of purity

I refuse to be a victim, dying and dancing for the enemy

I refuse to let Satan write my story – cause only God can author my identity

And I wearily crawled to the cross, and it was there he breathed his strength in me... He

makes all things new

Don’t put on your past, just to dress up your present



And today, I stare at blank pages because my story is still being written.

I’m still living it – out loud, and reading it like front-page news…



You are not who you used to be.

Written in your story is freedom from pain and sickness, emotionally

Written in your story is freedom from a life ending terminally

Freedom from Satan choking your creativity

You are not who you used to be.

Written in your story is value and royalty

And every detail of our life is worked into something good…



So tell me, what’s your story?

©2013 Terri Simmons


Getting Help for Sexual Abuse


Whether your abuse happened over the last decades or last night, it’s time you tell someone. It’s time you get help. Reach out to a trusted and trained counselor and get healed.  


Resources:




On the Threshold of Hope: Opening the Door to Healing for Survivors of Sexual Abuseby Dr. Diane Langberg



EMDR: a resource to Help Overcome Sexual Trauma



The Effects of Porn in Marriage – The Dating Divas



Learn more about Dr. Jessica McCleese at BeFullyWell.com.



If you or someone you know is experiencing sexual abuse, contact RAINN (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network) today at http://rainn.org or call their 24-hour hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE.



[1] https://nomore.org/know-the-facts-citations/

Revealing & Healing Sexual Abuse – with Dr. Jessica McCleese
Here’s the truth: either you or someone you know has been victimized by sexual abuse. It’s a sad reality that most of us hate talking about. But if we don’t talk about it, the stigma and shame will continue its cycle in our hearts and relationships. Joining me on the podcast for this important and urgent conversation is my friend, Dr. Jessica McCleese, a psychologist and sex therapist. Jessica tells us her personal story of being sexually molested and abused and the havoc those experiences wreaked on her psyche. But she’s not alone. I, too, in a rare conversation, talk about my experience with sexual abuse and the damage it began to have on my marriage. But God.
 
So many women and men silently struggle with identity issues, guilt, confusion, embarrassment, shame, anger, and an array of other emotions because of sexual abuse. And many still won’t talk about it. I want to do my part to help people begin the path of healing and freedom from sexual abuse. Statistics show that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men are sexually abused by the time they turn 18.<a>[1]</a> That’s a LOT of us!
 
Naturally, as I was wrapping up the All About Sex series, I concluded this was a topic that could be off limits no longer. We need real, honest, and helpful conversations about sexual abuse that will help single and married people to overcome all its damaging effects.
 
A Survivor’s Story
A few years ago, my friend, Terri, shared a spoken word at a women’s conference at our church entitled Story. Terri, too, is a survivor. With her permission, I am sharing her spoken word with you. May you find comfort in reading it:
 
She sits in distress
concerned and under arrest
She, sits in her pretty pink dress, afraid to tell her mom because she’d make a mess
of things
She’s six and he… he cornered her.
She’s not even old enough to write legible, his decibels rang in her ear: “TOUCH IT!”
 
She sits in distress
Concerned and under arrest
Her heart beats out of her chest
She’s too young to be shaken from the nest, but Satan’s jest was to destroy her…
 
And soon - her reality became a mental and physical battle of sexual brutality
As her molester sold her inexpensive lies that tied to her heart like - you’re so beautiful
and you deserve this…
And - just when her eye ducts began to swell, he whispered three destructive words:
DO NOT TELL
And she, she kept his word - that, secret tucked away privately, she put on insecurity
and suffered quietly and silently as he, ran away with my voice…
 
Her shackles grew stronger with age. She’s enraged at the world, every night curled into
the fetal position.
 
Nothing's more painful than knowing that the past you were living was just a counterfeit. 
Yet, nothing’s more rewarding than knowing that Christ is a redeemer
And Satan is a deceiver, he, wanted me to be sick of men, like fever, continually
attacking my views on fatherhood ... That is... 
Until I became a believer
I said Satan is a deceiver - one who gives a false impression
He wants you to be so wrapped up in what happened to you, that you neglect this
lesson: God. Is.
 
God. Is. So concerned about you that he, the Father, sent His own son to suffer - just
when you think your problems are rougher, God's love is tougher...
God. Is. A father to the fatherless. He is perfect relationship, and every time your lips
part to recant your past story, remember to allow God to get the glory
I committed to let God do surgery, I allowed Him to open me up and start purgin’ me - to,
mend the fabric that was torn from molestation, I even surrendered my teenage
frustration and hatred toward my earthly father.
 
In the beginning, was the word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
He was in the beginning with God. And all things came into being through Him and The
Word gave life to everything that was created, and his life brought light to everyone.
 
Jesus, you are the brightest light
YOU designed my DNA, Satan has NO PLACE in the spotlight
He has NO PLACE in this heart, right - NO PLACE in this life, like
He belongs in darkness, only God dwells in the limelight
And no one can write your story, but HIM
 
I refuse to stand here and weep because
I miss and mourn what used to be
I refuse to accept muddy waters for the sake of purity
I refuse to be a victim, dying and dancing for the enemy
I refuse to let Satan write my story – cause only God can author my identity
And I wearily crawled to the cross, and it was there he breathed his strength in me... He
makes all things new
Don’t put on your past, just to dress up your present
 
And today, I stare at blank pages because my story is still being written.
I’m still living it – out loud, and reading it like front-page news…
 
You are not who you used to be.
Written in your story is freedom from pain and sickness, emotionally
Written in your story is freedom from a life ending terminally
Freedom from Satan choking your creativity
You are not who you used to be.
Written in your story is value and royalty
And every detail of our life is worked into something good…
 
So tell me, what’s your story?
©2013 Terri Simmons
 
Getting Help for Sexual Abuse
Whether your abuse happened over the last decades or last night, it’s time you tell someone. It’s time you get help. Reach out to a trusted and trained counselor and get healed.  
 
Resources:
 
<a href='https://www.dianelangberg.com/shop-books/'>On the Threshold of Hope: Opening the Door to Healing for Survivors of Sexual Abuse</a> by Dr. Diane Langberg
 
<a href='https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/'>EMDR: a resource to Help Overcome Sexual Trauma</a>
 
<a href='https://www.thedatingdivas.com/pornography-affects-marriage/'>The Effects of Porn in Marriage</a> – The Dating Divas
 
Learn more about Dr. Jessica McCleese at <a href='http://befullywell.com/'>BeFullyWell.com</a>.
 
If you or someone you know is experiencing sexual abuse, contact RAINN (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network) today at <a href='http://rainn.org/'>http://rainn.org</a> or call their 24-hour hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE.
 
<a>[1]</a> https://nomore.org/know-the-facts-citations/

Ever wonder if your marriage can feel close and alive again—even after disappointment, disconnection, or broken trust?

Rebuilding Us is a Christian marriage podcast featuring honest conversations about marriage, connection, and faith. Hosted by relationship expert, speaker, and author Dana Che, each episode provides biblical relationship advice and practical tools for couples who want deep, authentic connection and real hope—and enough humor to make the hard conversations a little easier.

Whether you’re struggling with communication, recurring conflict, emotional distance, rebuilding trust, infidelity, or simply wanting a deeper connection with your spouse, Rebuilding Us will help you understand what’s really happening beneath the surface—and what it takes to move forward.

Through solo teaching, real-life stories, and conversations with insightful guests, Dana brings warmth, wisdom, candor, and humor to the conversations couples are often afraid—or unsure how—to have.

You’ll learn how to move from conflict to connection, rebuild trust, strengthen intimacy, and grow together through every season of marriage.

Because relationships can get messy. Trust can be broken. Connection can fade.

But broken doesn’t have to mean beyond repair. We’re rebuilding what life tried to break.

Welcome to Rebuilding Us. 

Get Dana's latest book, Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples, wherever books are sold! 

Ever wonder if your marriage can feel close and alive again&mdash;even after disappointment, disconnection, or broken trust?
Rebuilding Us is a Christian marriage podcast featuring honest conversations about marriage, connection, and faith. Hosted by relationship expert, speaker, and author Dana Che, each episode provides biblical relationship advice and practical tools for couples who want deep, authentic connection and real hope&mdash;and enough humor to make the hard conversations a little easier.
Whether you&rsquo;re struggling with communication, recurring conflict, emotional distance, rebuilding trust, infidelity, or simply wanting a deeper connection with your spouse, Rebuilding Us will help you understand what&rsquo;s really happening beneath the surface&mdash;and what it takes to move forward.
Through solo teaching, real-life stories, and conversations with insightful guests, Dana brings warmth, wisdom, candor, and humor to the conversations couples are often afraid&mdash;or unsure how&mdash;to have.
You&rsquo;ll learn how to move from conflict to connection, rebuild trust, strengthen intimacy, and grow together through every season of marriage.
Because relationships can get messy. Trust can be broken. Connection can fade.
But broken doesn&rsquo;t have to mean beyond repair. We&rsquo;re rebuilding what life tried to break.
Welcome to Rebuilding Us.&nbsp;
Get Dana's latest book, <a href="https://danache.com/tried-and-true-book/" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://danache.com/triedandtrue&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1767879070424000&amp;usg=AOvVaw3Lc8E5zya32sng_mUFZb4t">Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples</a>,&nbsp;wherever books are sold!&nbsp;

Struggling with communication problems or broken trust in your relationship? Rebuilding Us is your weekly marriage podcast providing the tools and encouragement you need to overcome emotional hurt, rediscover the love you once shared, and rebuild your connection.

Rebuilding Us: Christian Marriage Advice for Couples

Ever wonder if your marriage can feel close and alive again—even after disappointment, disconnection, or broken trust?

Rebuilding Us is a Christian marriage podcast featuring honest conversations about marriage, connection, and faith. Hosted by relationship expert, speaker, and author Dana Che, each episode provides biblical relationship advice and practical tools for couples who want deep, authentic connection and real hope—and enough humor to make the hard conversations a little easier.

After 27 years of marriage, Dana knows that strong relationships aren’t built by avoiding hard seasons—they’re built by learning how to move through them well.

Whether you’re struggling with communication, recurring conflict, emotional distance, rebuilding trust, infidelity, or simply wanting a deeper connection with your spouse, Rebuilding Us will help you understand what’s really happening beneath the surface—and what it takes to move forward.

Through solo teaching, real-life stories, and conversations with insightful guests, Dana brings warmth, wisdom, candor, and humor to the conversations couples are often afraid—or unsure how—to have.

You’ll learn how to move from conflict to connection, rebuild trust, strengthen intimacy, and grow together through every season of marriage.

Because relationships can get messy. Trust can be broken. Connection can fade.

But broken doesn’t have to mean beyond repair. We’re rebuilding what life tried to break.

Welcome to Rebuilding Us. 

And be sure to get Dana's new book  Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples wherever books are sold! 

Ever wonder if your marriage can feel close and alive again&mdash;even after disappointment, disconnection, or broken trust?
Rebuilding Us is a Christian marriage podcast featuring honest conversations about marriage, connection, and faith. Hosted by relationship expert, speaker, and author Dana Che, each episode provides biblical relationship advice and practical tools for couples who want deep, authentic connection and real hope&mdash;and enough humor to make the hard conversations a little easier.
After 27 years of marriage, Dana knows that strong relationships aren&rsquo;t built by avoiding hard seasons&mdash;they&rsquo;re built by learning how to move through them well.
Whether you&rsquo;re struggling with communication, recurring conflict, emotional distance, rebuilding trust, infidelity, or simply wanting a deeper connection with your spouse, Rebuilding Us will help you understand what&rsquo;s really happening beneath the surface&mdash;and what it takes to move forward.
Through solo teaching, real-life stories, and conversations with insightful guests, Dana brings warmth, wisdom, candor, and humor to the conversations couples are often afraid&mdash;or unsure how&mdash;to have.
You&rsquo;ll learn how to move from conflict to connection, rebuild trust, strengthen intimacy, and grow together through every season of marriage.
Because relationships can get messy. Trust can be broken. Connection can fade.
But broken doesn&rsquo;t have to mean beyond repair. We&rsquo;re rebuilding what life tried to break.
Welcome to Rebuilding Us.&nbsp;
And be sure to get Dana's new book &nbsp;<a href="https://danache.com/triedandtrue" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://danache.com/triedandtrue&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1767879070424000&amp;usg=AOvVaw3Lc8E5zya32sng_mUFZb4t">Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples</a>&nbsp;wherever books are sold!&nbsp;

Revealing & Healing Sexual Abuse – with Dr. Jessica McCleese
Here’s the truth: either you or someone you know has been victimized by sexual abuse. It’s a sad reality that most of us hate talking about. But if we don’t talk about it, the stigma and sh...