Just B Rant: When You Need to Swipe Left

Published Jun 21, 2024, 7:00 AM

Hawaiian Shirts? Beer Koozie in the profile pic? Goodbye. Young women, talk to your elders. Learn from the women in your life who have been there before. Plus: Make the Facetime Call.

So I've been posting on TikTok about dating and Instagram just dating advice. I wrote a book years ago called I Suckut Relationships so you don't have to. I've talked on this podcast about the fact that I've been extremely successful in dating. I mean as good as anybody, as good as I'll take you, like I've said before, as good as anybody no matter what they look like. I'm not on TikTok talking about how to be successful relationships. People would cancel their accounts. I'm talking about dating. And one thing that I've noticed is that men want to be pen pals, like they want to get you in the stable and just like chat. Meaning if they didn't like you, they wouldn't want to keep talking, right, they would just like ice you out, But they want to chat, and You're like, dude, get a fucking plan on the board. I'm like a feather plume pen that I'm like writing you my deepest thoughts, Like that's not getting to know someone. And also, if you don't FaceTime somebody that you are thinking about dating and meeting in person, you're an idiot, You're a dinosaur, You're Fred Flintstone, you're starting the car at the bottom of your feet, Like there's no way you must FaceTime someone. Someone during the pandemic when I was single, told me that they were doing a lot of FaceTime dates and I was like, what it sounded crazy and creepy and weird because it is awkward, Like it's FaceTime.

You sound like a weird corporate dater. But guess what it.

Will save you So much time, so much money, so much effort, so much lashes and the way he looks you could love text or someone you could love their photos, then they're gonna be like it's made up for a drink.

You don't know.

FaceTime is close to real. You could get a sense of what they look like. People lie about their height, people lie about their age. People don't know what they look like. People's photos are just outdated, Like we need a date on photos and there needs to be a binding agreement on whether or not they've been edited. I mean, because you could see men who have like good lighting in their photos. And I just want to say that there are things that women should swipe no on. And what they are is a beer glasses on a strap attached to your head or on top of your baseball hat.

Making out with your dog.

Any woman in any picture could be your daughter, could be your mother, could be your sister, your neighbor. You don't need a fucking woman in your picture, and you also don't need a weird smiley face emoji after your children. What is it nineteen seventy two? You're using a Kodak and going to fucking rex Al to get it developed. Get your fucking phone aut Take a picture without another body emoji?

What are you in a Cheerios.

Ad with a like a like a stick figure in your picture? Fucking are you a grown up? If you're wearing a tank top, ladies, goodbye. If someone has a Hawaiian shirt and they're living on sponge cake, goodbye. If someone needs to tell you, as one of their main personality traits who their sports team is that they like they're sucking their thumb, they're still on their mom's teeth. Okay, give them a bottle and a pacifier and say no, it's ridiculous. Men in Hawaiian shirts living on sponge cake telling you about their sports teams. Also, working out is not a personality. It's something that you do. People don't need to like work out heavily five days a week, often find me at the gym. It's not a personality. It's a thing you do as much as we being. Like I like to consume copious amounts of alcohol, Like, it's something that we do. I don't need to like define it as my brother. Oh, I'm a cough lover of cocktails. Okay, what does that mean? Are you a sociopath? Are you a kind person? Are you charitable because you drink cocktails?

Weirdo? It doesn't things that you do are not your whole personality.

Lover of iguayamlet or like anything strange like that. If someone's wearing something weird or has a weird background, or weird cabinetry or a bizarre like old hammock, or something seems dirty, or they're sitting on some weird cheap plastic outdoor chair in a blow up pool.

Get the fuck out of there.

That's not Go to your neighbor and sleep with him because he's gonna You don't need to go hunt for that.

People are really dating down. Women just date down period.

You have to be able to love yourself first, because if you're dating down, it means that you're not even at the baseline of liking yourself.

You're dating down.

You think so lowly of yourself that you'll date someone who you know in your heart, mind, body, and soul is beneath you in some way. They're not kind, they're not honest, they're not attractive, they're disloyal, they are not smart, whatever your thing is. So if you're gonna date down, it's not to get with yourself, be alone and develop a good relationship with yourself, because you cannot have a good relationship with someone else without one by yourself. Nobody gets out without paying the bill. Nobody can cheat. It's just the way it is. There's no such a thing as a free lunch. You cannot be a fragmented, fractured person and walk into a relationship and expect to bring something to the table.

Then you're gonna have.

A relationship that your part. Let's say a relationship, it's supposed to be one hundred percent. If you come in it not at full tilt. Say you come in at twenty five percent, your whole relationship is at seventy five percent.

It won't succeed.

So you got to come in at fifty percent at least to go meet the other person halfway. Young women are not speaking to their aunts and mothers and women who have experience of marriage. So everywhere you go, young women, they want the ring, they want the dress, they want the honeymoon, they want the whole fairy tale. Okay, they're being marketed the fairy tale. It's a multi billion, gazillion dollar business. Every wedding has three days to it, seventy five outfits, ninety two capturings, a complete Fellini and Scorsesey production of the engagement and everything.

Okay, great, fifty five year old women. Everyone. I was with a woman last night.

She's like, if I ever got divorced or my husband passed away, I would never get married again. I have five friends all saying the exact same thing. Pretty, they've got game, they have good men, et cetera. They're all like, who fucking needs it now? I'm not against marriage. And some people have magical relationships that they're.

Really in love. Some people have one love that's their husband.

If anything happens, they did it, they did it once, they don't need to do it again. A million reasons, because relationship does take sacrifice. But it's fine for young women to want to get married to want to have kids in their lives. Of course, what's not fine is them to rush to get the ring because everybody their age is getting the ring and getting the wedding, and they're comparing themselves to others, and at twenty eight they think they're like spinsters. And the reason that's not okay is because they're gonna often present themselves to something they're not.

Like people sell who they want the guy.

They think the guy wants to get the guy. Then you get the guy, then you get married. Later on you become not who you said you were. The guy's gonna have a problem with that. Then your kids get to be My daughter's age fourteen, and you're like, what the hell is my purpose? Because me, I have a pretty massive career and relief effort and a lot going on. And in the mornings, I'm sitting there in pajamas waiting for Brent to wake up on the weekends so I can go in hug her, love her, tell her how much I love her, and wait for her to, you know, kindly say to me, can you get the fuck out of my room?

And not those words, because she's a doll and I live for my kid.

But I'm saying, and then I'm like, oh wait, I waited for hours, like scraps, like a dog, just for her to like say hi, I love you and then get into her own day of lashes and tiktoks and volleyball. So you got to have your own thing. And women are just trying to get the guy and they're not thinking. They're playing checkers. Because you get to a certain age, you're like, all right, I did that.

I did that. I have no money on my own, I don't have a skill set.

I'm bored. My daughter's older, my son's older. I'm gonna be a hockey mom, but that only takes up so many hours. I'm gonna sow the costumes, I'm gonna go to Pta. All of this is admirable, but is it enough. It has to be enough for you. If you have five kids, you're gonna be very busy. If you have one kid, it might not be enough. You have to determine for yourself. But mothers, you got to talk to these daughters. Someone's got to be talking to these daughters because these daughters are rushing. Some people, you know, know that they can't wrap their kids in bubble rep and they're gonna make those mistakes. Some people know that it might be a starter marriage. I mean that happens too. We cannot wrap our kids in bubble rep and expect that they're going to not get any black marks on the new white sneakers.

They're gonna make mistakes. We made them.

I mean, I've made some colossal, fucking mistakes too big that I don't want her to make ones that big. Like we can help other people. That's the reason for my divorce YouTube series. So you don't make the same mistakes I did. But yeah, those two generations are not speaking. The twenties and thirties are speaking. I guess maybe the thirties and forties. Twenties and fifties need to be speaking. They're not speaking because the fifties will tell the twenties bitch. Hold up, Hold up with the not getting a prenup and being all like Doe iied and thinking for the rest of your life, you're gonna.

Be playing house. What are you ordering in tonight?

Oh my god, yay, we got any red maker that is like the new car smell that will not last forever, the honeymoon glow once you get into baby vomit and diarrhea and breastfeeding and potty training and financial despair and losing jobs and relocating and moving and cardboard boxes and saggy titties and sex record bras and a rectile dysfunction and not being able to get pregnant and injecting yourself with hormones. Shit gets real, real fast,

Rants with Bethenny Frankel

Bethenny Frankel tells it like it is. RANT Definition: speak or shout at length in a wild, impassio 
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