How to get rid of the meddling ex, meet your idols, and do literally anything: you have to be strong in your convictions.
Last week, I went to the opening of a private club. It's called the Crane Club and there's a restaurant upstairs, also called the Crane Club, and it's from Noah and Jason of Marquis and Tao, and they had an event that they're real nightclub in Impressarios. I've known them for years. Melissa Wood Tepperberg came on the show. That's Noah's wife. But they've been running like nightlife in New York for years, and they also have places in La and Vegas. And they're just their machine. They just know everyone. They're amazing and it's funny. There are these little worlds, like this guy, Dave Grutman, who was there. He's the Miami guy. And then they're like this other people, Mark and Eugene, not quite as as big a business, but there they have a big business and their corner store and catch and they're like New York or like another and they might be as big. Actually they actually have asked, and they could be as big. I just don't know the Noah and Jason got I think bought by Madison Square Garden or invested in or something, so it's like bigger on they like Marquya in Vegas. I don't know anyway, there are all these groups that do this hospitality, not like a major food group or quality where they do restaurants, but meaning like those are restaurant groups. These are kind of restaurant groups that they're like restaurant groups that have like two guys running them as like that that originated as club promoters. They really understand the alchemy of a room and had to put people together. So there you go. So they invited people that they've known for decades to this opening and it was a it was a they got a good showing. It was like part camp reunion and bar mitzvah and that, like I saw people I haven't seen in thirty years, like some of them are expired. You're just like, wait, is that person so live? We way like it was like we were like the Knight of the Walking Dead, but meets celebrities like some celebrities. So like Farrell was there. His skin is gorgeous and he told me that he has skincare line. I'm like, oh, I review skincare, but I knew that it would sound insane, like I have a fucking little puppet show. You know that you should come to and instead I have like an Academy Award winning movie, not a puppet show, but he probably doesn't know about it, and like lo and behold, I bet you his team will send me like skincare to review because I felt in the moment I just said it to him and then got out of it because it was like, he doesn't know. Farrell doesn't fucking know that I'm the Justin Bieber of skincare. He doesn't. I'm the Pharrell of skincare. Ironically, Pharrella is Farrell, and he happens to have a skincare line that probably three people have bought. But I am the Pharrell of skincare. So for I met Farrell, and he did if I met Justin Bieber, I like, I'm a Justin Bieber skincare. So anyway I met Farrell. He has good skin and yeah, like he had like moisture on his lips. I can't explain it, Like his lips looked like really moisturized, and his skin looked good, and is outfit was great and he had a security person that was wearing head to toe Louis Retant. Justin Threreau was there. I don't know why I have to point this out. But he had a big like thing on the back of his belt if that held keys, like it was something Schneider. He was kind of dressed like Schneider from one day at a time, Like he had like a tight black T shirt on jeans, and they had this thing that I think was holding his keys on the back of his pocket. But I didn't get to meet him, but he was there. Fisher Stevens was there, who years ago dated Michelle Pfeiffer and who produced the David Beckham documentary. Justin Threau was married to Jennifer Aniston for forty five seconds, like it's like the Chris Humphries marriage. I think it was longer, but it feels shorter. And Sophia Vergaro was there, and I like her. I've met her before and to just get a giggle. We just get a laugh out of each other. She was there, were chatting. She was sitting with Lorraine, this jeweler who I know, and just like fun. It was like fun to just be stupid and talk to people like that. But then I was sitting at my booth and I saw what I thought, because I can't believe the mirage that I saw was real. I saw what I thought was Matt Dillon across the room in the wild. Like, I don't know how to explain this to you, because I just we can't just chalk it up to like was a crush. Who was your crush that you had on the wall, but you like cried over you actually cried. So I was near tears for Duran Duran, But like I I had like tears for the movies of Pretty and Pink and sixteen Candles because I just wanted to go out to my real dad's house and live there and like move into their lives and like be wearing pink and being a mall and speak like a valley girl, Like I wanted to live that life that would bring me to tears. Also, yes, but the person that would bring me to tears with Matt Dylan, Like it was like I'm I couldn't breathe, I couldn't live. I thought about it. I remember where he was discovered. I read every article about him. I was obsessed. It was a hyper fixation. And like it's always important that I bring up the movies that were not just like Outsiders, which is the obvious one, like the movie Bodyguard, which was before that, and that's kind of I think his first movie he ever did. And they say he was cast because they found him in an arcade or at a deli somewhere in Westchester, and like I just was like, so I thought I saw across the room, and now we're in a room with like a lot of like major people I mentioned to you, like just like famous people. They were like, you know, very very wealthy people are you know, people in art, in fashion? Billionaires? Like it was a fucking room, right and it was great. And now yeah, like major fashion people, I'm thinking about major nightclub people, owners of restaurants, but yes, multi billion multiple billionaires like real. So now I'm like, what the fuck am I gonna do. I'm filming for TikTok because I'm a fucking loser, and now I'm gonna walk across like in front of all these people and just like go approach Matt Dylan as if like I'm a fan at Disney with the little like book that has Mickey Mouse on the front, and I'm gonna slip in the pictures of me and the princess is inside on the other side. They're gonna sign the autograph book, like are we good? Are you okay? Like I'm somebody now, I mean sorry, Matt Dylan, and this is gonna hurt and leave a mark. I'm more relevant than Matt Dylan in twenty twenty four. You're welcome. I'm sorry, don't hate. It's a fact you had your moment. So now I'm like, fuck, but he's Matt Dylan. To me, he's still the same Matt Dylan. So I'm like, I'm fucking going in. I'll never forgive myself if I don't mean Mat Dylan one time, just to say it, just get it out of the way and be done. I've never seen him in person. He's my lifelong crush, the number one of all the time. I'm not going to fucking say something. I'm wearing a fierce leather Alexander McQueen dress, but it's like leather and it's got zippers on it, and everyone's complimenting me and I am a fucking supermodel. So I walk across the restaurant and I go to him. I go, I just and he's standing next to Fisher Stevens. I'm a loser. I'm like, listen, i gotta just do it. I gotta get this out of the way. I just I you were my like life, my whole child, like duh, like whosa, but what else was I gonna do? Act like it's twenty twenty four. It was like, Hi, I'm Bethany, I've taken down Chanelle and I eat chicken salad. I like, oh, I'm also a supermodel. I walk the runaway in Paris fashion. We get sixty eight years old, Like, I don't know what to say to this fucking guy. I am someone even though I don't look like even though you don't believe me because I'm now Like, so I just went in with like what anybody would do. I was just like, hy, I you just I have to say you were my fucking life, so I'd never forgive myself. I didn't say something, so he's like, oh my god, thank you whatever, like and then and I really kind of like had to then exhunt that line of questioning and commenting because I just needed to like be twenty twenty four, like, but I'm a per So he was like, Hi, how are you? And I was like, and I don't know. I think I was like saying like I knew, yeah, you were from Westchester and the articles and whatever, and he's like, oh, wait, are you from Westchester? And I was like no, but I and I told him where I was from and we connected and then he's like, but where are you in the city And I told him my neighborhood I'm in. He's like, wait, me too, like two bocks from me. I'm like okay, And we then started chatting as like modern people in twenty twenty four, and it was nice and it was fine. It was great, like you know, we're good. I'm great. And I walked away and that was the end of it. Like I was fine, I'd scratch the itch. We're good. I need to marry sleep. But I don't need to marry, fuck or kill Matt Dillon. I just needed to say what I had to say and meet him in the wild one time. He seemed perfectly nice and lovely. And then I went and sat down later with Sophia Bergara and Lorraine and her sister, and they were like they saw me walk across the room as if I was like going in for the kill, and I was like no, like they thought I was walking in like Hi, I'm gonna be like hi to pull my pants do. I was like, no, I was walking across the like, Hi, I'm a bit like they thought because if also the dress I'm wearing that like the way that I walk across or whatever the energy was, it looked like I was like taking over. I was like, that is so not my personality. Anyway. I seem super tough, but I'm not that way. I am extremely traditional when it comes to men. I have never propositioned to man. I have never walked up and like, I just I'm not that girl. I don't I'm not like aggressive in that way with men at all. I am very I believe you call me. I don't have fingers. I'm not like I believe in chivalry. I believe in tradition. I believe in being pursued. I am not that girl. So I was like, yeah, no, it may have seemed that way, which is a touching story, but it ain't that way. So anyway, I met Matt Dylan and I had a great night. This is more for dating and people who are dating divorced individuals or people who have been with life partners or who have children with their ex or who have been together for multiple years, or sometimes someone you're in a relationship with has an ex that won't accept their breakup and is kind of waiting for your breakup. And I've experienced this quite a few times, and there are many ways to deal with this. And the reason I don't know why I'm thinking of this, but years ago I remember Julia Roberts getting together with Danny Mohdor, her husband. Why I remember this, I don't know, And there was a wife that was part of it. I remember this with Travis Barker and his ex Shanna that was talking publicly. And there's often a wife, an ex wife, or an ex girlfriend and sometimes there's some sort of drama with them. They kind of don't really want to disappear, and there many there are many ways to deal with it. So I have dealt with someone where they have an X that is extremely mettlesome and tries to do or say damaging things about me, and I have very surgically, not emotionally, nipped it in the bud. And how I have done that in one case was c seeing a very powerful lawyer because there was some character assassination that had no basis, and also being very serious, like you don't want to get emotional, you don't want to start attacking someone, you don't want to say anything bad about them. You're kind of just saying this is where the weabe pad is and this is where it's not. And it's cool till it's not. Like it gave you the first one for free. You got the first one for free. But I will tell you something. You can be willing to take this risk if you want to take this risk. But when I tell you with great certainty and you're not saying these exact words, what you're saying means these exact words, I will put you in the ground. Okay, so my eye will put you in the ground. Has been like, here's a big power lawyer. Now you guys may not have that. You'll find your version of this, but see seeing them and saying in a very crystal crystallized legal lean manner. And this is how you deal with horrible xes too. This is how you deal with when someone is being abusive. I talked about this on my divorce podcast. But you will do the fewest amount of characters and words. You will get your point across only without any color, without any character, assassination, with any insults, do not take any bait, and I brought up the Julia Roberts thing because Julia Roberts put on a T shirt baiting the X Like, you do not play games and you don't bait anybody. You don't poke a bear. What I did in this one situation was wrote a very clear cut email basically see seeing this lawyer and saying, this is what happened. That's what happened. That you said that was patently false, and here's why. And here's the other thing you did, and here's the third thing you did. And here's the list of things that you did so far. And I will tell you with great certainty that one more time, and not only will you be getting a cease and desist, but you will be I will be taking legal action and try me, you know, like basically like try me. And I've been on TV with enough strong, insane women to have proven that I know how to deal with it, be to have proven to them and to any woman that I am definitely not one to be fucked with. But you're welcome to try so. I have also had a situation where someone is trying to trash the person that you're in a relationship with because they want that person to go back to them, and they also keep needling that person. And often if you're in a relationship with someone who wants to be transparent with you and honest, they will tell you honestly if that person's reaching out. And I have a pretty close to zero tolerance policy for any correspondence. In fact, that original situation, I had a life coach who was on this podcast strongly suggest which I strongly reinforced. And I never give an ultimatum. I never tell somebody what to do, but strongly reinforce that this person should block their ex which was shocking because there were many reasons that they felt that they had to correspond. It's shocking how much you can correspond with someone on like a planned conference call line, like if you're talking about something like kids or something specific, or it slows it down to be on email. And so for me, I've found it shocking how incredibly desperate women in particular can be when they lose someone and someone else is with them. And I find that until they're stopped in their tracks by the you or the me, they'll find little ways to seep in, you know what I mean. It's sort of like they'll just find ways and I'll be the person that says like it's cool until it's not, and there'll be a moment where you're like, yeah, I don't want to deal with this anymore, and I'm gonna shut this shit down right now cause it's gonna get ugly, and only I will know if it could really get ugly. Not with everybody. Some people like, yeah, I don't have anything, there's nothing to do, you know. But sometimes you just know you're gonna get ticked off and then it's gonna get housewives. So cooler minds prevail and giving someone enough rope to hang themselves is a good idea. But once it's hit a threshold, all bets are off and you take the matter into your own hands and that's it. Otherwise you're in the wrong relationship because you shouldn't be in a relationship with more than one person unless that's something you've agreed. You've agreed, you know, unless you're doing a three sum or something a throuble. But you shouldn't be in a relationship where you feel like you are also in a relationship with an X in some way, like there's a there's an intruder, there's another person in the relationship in some way. Now someone can have an ex and have kids, and of course they're dealing with them, they could also be very close to them. I think that's the healthiest of all. I've I've dated people who are very close with their ex wives and the ex wives are actually supportive of my going out with them, and it's like, very pleasant, And it can be like that, and it should be like that. Everyone doesn't have to be batshit crazy. Everyone doesn't have to do the obvious low hanging fruit psychopath X thing. But so yeah, a great X is a wonderful thing. And a person that you're with, you want them to have a good relationship with their ex and you want them to have a good relationship with their kids, and you want all of those things. But if you are faced with a situation where you feel like there's a third party in your relationship and someone is meddling, shut that shit down on your own in a very subtle, non slanderous, non heated way,