Rants with Bethenny FrankelDon't trust people who don't like dogs. Kilts? No. Leather sofa? Run. And other Bethenny red flags.
You know, dating me is like a frightening alternative sport because it's fun, it's action packed, it's never boring. It's risky, it's adventurous. It's high risk, high reward. But I'm freaking fun. I'm alive, okay. So one of my biggest mistakes is people are attracted to how alive I am, so they'll suck my energy because they're attracted to how alive I am because of how dead they are. And I sometimes confuse dead with like conservative and solid and will be trusting and will take care of me, or be like a good you know, somebody good, like a good rock, when I don't need a dead tree stump. Because what happens is negative energy pulls harder than positive. And so if you've got someone sucking the life out of you and dimming your light with negative energy, it's going to pull away your positive they're taking your positive energy. You're becoming more negative. You're a little dead, You're end something, a bad job, a bad relationship, a bad dynamic, a bad family dynamic. And people around you say you look different, you look lighter. That's happened to me for sure. The people when I've left a relationship they've been months later, Like, I just want to tell you something. You don't look like the same person, and you just seem different. Even if you're sad about a breakup. You could be sad and like have regrets, but your body and the way you look and the way people see you in the way you're acting will reflect where you are in your life. And that energy thing is real. You know, opposites attract in ways, but you have to still have a compatibility and a synergy that works where it's not depleting you. Because one person will charge their battery off the other person because they're taken everything from them to try to lift themselves up, and the person with the full battery theirs goes on empty. Very very common, and the tendulum is something that happens when you've been a negative experience in a relationship that didn't work for you. It could be something where somebody is like, very it's too much action, it's too much activation. You feel like you know, you feel like you're over your skis. Then in the next relationship, you're going to be attracted to a mummy. That doesn't mean that ultimately you're supposed to be with the mummy. It means you're reacting to all the sugar you ate. Now you want protein, Like, let's get a baseline where you have a balanced diet. So you need to be alone after a certain type of breakup or find your awareness to figure out what you really want at the core of who you are versus the pendulum swinging from one thing to the other. So just because you're with someone who is verbally abusive, you know, doesn't mean you need to be with someone who's kissing your ass. You could be with someone who's neither verbally abusive or kissing your ass. So you have to find that balance when the pendulum swings. You can be turned off by someone's pets, like you can be turned off by someone's pets, and you can be turned off by someone's children full on. I've met people and I'm with it when i meet their children. I've met like really pretentious children and I've been like, I'll throw down with this child.
And I've met people who have like slobbery, disgusting dogs.
It's even bed with them that are dirty, and like I'm like, I can't, no, I can't do it. This guy is gonna make out with his dog he's obsessed with his animal and I can't do it. Or just someone into birds, you're not into birds or cats, or you don't like dogs, or and I don't trust anybody who doesn't like dogs.
A guy who was in my house is like, yeah, I don't.
I don't love dogs, and they often like hide it with like the allergy, but I don't really always believe it.
There are people allergic to dogs.
But I've heard people like who I could tell just aren't dog people. They don't like dogs. And I don't like people that don't like dogs. I don't trust people who don't like dogs. I might not even trust people who don't like chocolate, but that's another story. Shirtless profile pigs are cringe. Too many labels are cringe. Holding a fish in multiple pictures is cringe. Having your child with a smiley face emoji over their face is cringe. Posing the picture with a woman. It could be your sister, your daughter, your teacher, your your nun.
Bizarre.
We don't need a woman in the picture. It's distracted. Wen, we could you're big your big boy. Hopefully you have an Android or an Apple phone. Take a picture of yourself, bro, It's okay. Weirdos, and we don't need every picture to be the gym. We get you work out. We're good, but thank you, we're happy. It's not your whole personality that you like eat freaking a protein shake or like lean chicken breasts and egg whites every day. We're good, Like you can have an identity that's not finished. Everyone's like, I like to really maintain a healthy lifestyle.
Okay, no kidding.
I wasn't going for someone who was gonna be smoking six packs of cigarettes and doing heroin. Like it's okay, I don't have to like, phitness is not an entire personality, it's what It's a thing that you do. Oh, I'm drinking water. Should we put that on my dating profile? I like to hydrate from times time. It's weird and it means you're boring because your identity is wor looking out, love to work out, good fucking go do it to my business.
I like to bathe. I'm not putting out of my dating profile. Whack jobs.
Also look at someone's background in their picture, like I'll see a leather sofa and run like I'm being chased. I'll see cabinetry and I kind of get the sense that it's their kitchen, it's not someone else's kitchen. I'll see ugly outdoor furniture. I'll be like, I can't go in there. I can't go in there. I'll drudge on the first day. I mean, we're not even to shoes yet. But like I see a leather couch or ugly furniture, or like really hideous cabinetry, and you could say, yes, you could go change that.
Any of this you could change.
I'm not looking for a renovation project in a relationship with a man or his cabinets.
I'm really not. I'm really not.
I'm looking for I don't want an IKEA dresser, I really don't. I'd like a restoration hardware adresser. I'd like it to be delivered and put together. It's already together, all the pieces are there. We could polish it, we could place it, we could work with it, we could put things around it. You know, it can fit into our decor lifestyle. But I'm a fucking looking to sit on the floor with some screws and some plyboard. I can tell you that right now. So if you see shitty cabinetry in the background and a couple of pictures and you've somehow discerned that that person has ugly and ugly house and you don't want to live there.
You don't have to. You could swipe no.
And if they're wearing a lot of things that you're not interested in, like their personal style, really like some people have like costumes and multiple pictures. It's giving Burning Man, we know you do psychedelics, and you're wearing like a headdress in one picture, and you know you're you're hanging out with the Dali Lama eating chia bowls, hanging off a mountain in another. We're not gonna vibe. So I'm not trying to change anybody. If I'm trying to change you in your profile picture, imagine what it's gonna be like in real life. So that's what I'm saying. I don't And I like when when someone made the creative choice to have a shirtless picture in their profile, it's not gonna work. If they decided to be wearing a kilt and a costume of Burning Man and another one were good, We're okay, you made that creative choice, which means we're not going to have a lot in common. Alcohol is just let's just put it this way. Let's say you meet someone you like, you have a good hot interest. If you drink and I mean more than like one and a half drinks, you're now becoming sloppy and messy, and you are up for a job. If you like this person, you're up for a job. And this person's interviewing other people just like you're interviewing other people. And if you're the sloppy mess, they're gonna give the job to someone who's not the slappy mess. So don't make stupid decisions. Okay, So you're up for a dating job position, as are they, and you want to act in a way that sets you up for success because you are competing with other candidates. That's the truth. You're competing with other candidates. So once you get the job, sometimes at fuck around you could have a bad day. You could get too drunk at the Christmas party. Once you get the job, everybody makes mistakes and as a bad day, But you don't want to shoot yourself on the foot before you even got the job. And being sloppy on a first date is an impression that is they'll always remember that, and that's why people do disagree with sleeping together on the first date.
You have to make those choices for yourself.
If the connection is so incredibly strong that it's disingenuous or inauthentic to not sleep with the person, then I guess and we've all made mistakes with giving someone too much of ourselves, But I would just think about it that way. You're being interviewed, just like you're interviewing someone, So put your best foot forward and let them know in your body language and your energy and your happiness and your entertainment and what you wore why you are the best person for the job if you want the job.
Another thing you should know is what business titles mean.
Now, this is good depending upon what age you're at, but like, what does a vice president mean? What does a manager mean? What does a director mean? What does an analyst mean?
What does a VP mean?
What does a VP at that company mean? How much money does that company make? What does that job like? Do they do charity? You kind of got to do a lot of research and understand where someone fits in. Is someone very corporate and do you do better with someone who's like an entrepreneur or more of a maverick, or an artist or a creative type or an alt type, you know, like you don't have to only.
Stick to it.
But if you're not attracted to someone who's going to be a little unkempt, you know, like in a little rock and roll, then you might not want the arts the artist type. And if you don't want someone who's a cog in the wheel, then you don't want the corporate type, no matter what their title is. Like, I don't do well with a corporate type that's been at the same place for thirty five years. And that means to me, even if he's really successful and at the top, he's kind of afraid to move. He's kind of afraid to go somewhere else. He's a little bit And I can't be with someone who's afraid. I gotta be with someone who's a maverick, a self starter, or an entrepreneur.
So what about you.
Do you like someone who's more of a rule follower and you know, has a safety net and the good four oh one k or do you like someone who's a little you know, takes chances, more of an entrepreneur, but you're not guaranteed what their lifestyle is going to be. You know, when people say I've been to seventy seven countries and I speak nineteen languages. Like I don't want that. I'm not interested in dating a vagabond, So like, if you want to travel all over the world at the backpack, that might be interesting to you. So really, get like granular about who you actually are, what you want.
