This is Rachel Goes Rogue.
Welcome back to another episode of Rachel Goes Rogue. This is your host Rachel Savannah Lovis, and today I want to talk about the iHeart Awards. It was an incredible experience and then something more on a serious note, because something has been weighing heavy on my heart and hasn't been sitting well with me, so I want to get into that as well. But first let's talk about the experience doing the iHeart Awards, because it really exceeded my expectations. I wasn't quite sure what to expect, but just there was so much love and people that I got to meet were very excited, and it just feels good to be outliving again and experiencing LA in a new way. So that's cool. And then on the more serious note, so basically, if you followed me on Instagram and you were watching the stories that I was posting, I was posting a lot more than I normally do, which is great. But I did the red carpet or the yellow carpet in this case. And there's an article that was created that did the iHeart Awards show sizzle or fizzle? Basically like the Best Dressed in the worst Dressed and I made the best dress list, and I got a little bit petty because Katie and Dana were also at the Word Show and I did see them there, and on this article they were listed right after me as worst dressed, not cohesive, and although they looked beautiful, that kinda I don't know. I guess my ego got in the way a little bit, and I encouraged Joe to post the best and worst showing Katie and Dana, and then I reposted it and it felt good in the moment, but it has not been sitting while with me. As the days go on, I am just thinking about it. And I decided that that was not my best decision because I am in this space of learning and growing and also being kind and it's so easy to get on the same level as some of these other people, but that's not who I want to be. So so I decided to reach out and apologize to Katie and Dana personally. And I processed through this with my therapist too, because it was weighing on me, and she was talking about, Okay, what would accountability look like in this situation, and the accountability would be for my actions that potentially and probably hurt Katie and Dana because it was just so putty. And so that's the reason why I reached out to them, and the reason why I'm talking about it now is because I think it's important to take ownership of our mistakes, and we are all human. I'm human, so I'm giving myself grace. I also recognize that hurt people hurt people, and I clearly have some healing to do around this. And it's also an eye opening experience because when you are with somebody who has also been hurt by somebody, it bonds you in a way and it creates a situation that makes you more vulnerable to make bad decisions basically. And that's not to place blame on Joe at all. That is totally just me realizing that when I'm with someone and we feel passionate about like a situation that clearly my self esteem was hurt through things that have been said by these specific people, and I saw it as like an easy way to take a job back at them, and it really is so easy to do and it's not right. So so I just wanted to, you know, take accountability for my actions and also like normalize that it's okay to make mistakes as long as you learn from them. I am doing my very best to not do that again. I realize that this whole system is I guess I'm trying to say. I don't want to be a part of a system that hits women against each other. I want to remove myself from that type of equation because there is no need for that. As women, we already go through hardships in life, and we don't need to be tearing each other down in order to feel better about ourselves. So I take ownership in my part in that, and like I said, I'm doing my best to not do that again.
For anyone new here, Obviously, you're talking about Katie Maloney, who is Dana.
And that's one of my producers. She had some questions. So Katie Maloney, Yes, we all know Katie from vander Pump Roles. Dana has been a cast member on vander Pump Roles for season eight. So Dana and Katie have created their own podcast and it's with Nick Vile's new podcast media company. And so I think they were doing the carpet together because they do their podcast together.
Did you talk to them at all? I did not.
So I did see them on the carpet, and I asked a friend who was with me if I should go over there and say hi, just because it's always awkward in those types of situations running into somebody who you have a history with or don't get along with well. And my friend was like, no, she said she wants to light you on fire. No, don't go talk to her. And I was like, Okay, you're probably right. I'll just stay in my corner.
Do you maybe wish you would have said hello?
I'm not sure. I don't think so, just because I know that I'm not received well by them. I mean I could have said hi. In the worst case scenario would be like I could see myself saying hi and then then saying like, you know, rolling their eyes or something and talking about me, which they're probably talking about me anyway, honestly. But no, I felt like it wasn't necessary for me to say hi. But if I continue doing carpets like this and making appearances in LA, it's probably likely that I will run into former cast members, former castmates. So yeah, I'm not sure. If yeah, I don't know, Maybe next time I will say hi.
I think it's interesting that the article in itself does what you're saying. You don't want to do best and worst dress sizzle or fizzle. How did it feel to be complimented and be on the best list?
Oh yeah, I see what you're saying. Like, I just don't think it's necessary to compare other people and rank them that way, because we're all human and we're all equal at the end of the day. And Katie and Dana did look gorgeous on the carpet. I don't think that they were worse dressed by any means. But to answer your question, I mean it felt great to be on the best Dressed list. I wasn't suspecting that there was going to be like a list, so it was a nice surprise seeing that and just getting that validation, I guess. But if I was to be on the worst dress list and I felt good in what I was wearing and felt confident, I wouldn't take it so personally because ultimately it's like what I'm wearing, So those articles are just kind of silly anyway.
Yeah, I will say there was articles that put Katie on the best list too, so we can acknowledge that. I think what I'm curious about is if she responded to your text.
Katie did not respond to my text. I didn't expect her to. The text was more so for me to take accountability in my wrongdoings and to just let her know that I'm not going to do that again. And I even told her in the text, like no need to respond. It did, it was delivered. I don't think that I'm blocked, even though I'm blocked on Instagram, I don't think. I do think the text went through. So yeah, no, she hasn't responded. But that's okay.
And how do you feel now that you're talking about it and that you, you know, apologized.
I feel a lot better about it now, Like after I sent that text, I felt immensely better, like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. And in recovery, they say like keep your side of the street clean. So that just means like owning up to your transgressions, no matter how small they may be, in order to make sure that you are becoming a better person. And you can't change anybody else. So I felt like it was a necessary step for me to take to make sure that I am staying well in my recovery journey, and also the reason why I'm sharing it now is because I think it's important to I don't know if I want to be a role model in the way that I would like and continue to be in the public eye, which who knows how long that will last, but for right now I am then I would like to continue to be vulnerable with the listeners because that just shows that I am a human and I'm sure we can all relate to something like this where the ego gets the best of you and you have a little slip up and then feel guilty afterwards, just owning that.
Yeah, I mean, I think if you posted it publicly, you might as well apologize publicly so people know that you're acknowledging what it was.
Yeah. I reposted Joe's post on my Instagram stories publicly, so I feel like it's only appropriate to apologize publicly as well as privately, because it was a public forum and other people are consuming that. I think.
My last question before we go is do you wish there wasn't this sort of animosity or do you wish that inside you you didn't like I understand why you put it up. It's very relatable. Yes, it veers into a little bit mean girl, But I understand it. Do you sort of hate this sort of animosity like we're you know, even having to think about someone being on a red carpet that you don't want to just hug and say hello too.
Yeah, if there wasn't any conflict, that would be really nice. I don't think it's necessary. I think we probably have more similarities than we do differences, So yeah, I think it would be nice to not have this unnecessary tension. But I also recognize that we're all on our own path. We're all on our own journey, and sometimes we need to protect ourselves by not speaking to certain people. So yeah, it's a tricky situation to be in. On another note, I got involved with NAMI, which is the National Alliance of Mental Illness, and you probably have heard about them through the things that I posted for before. If you remember, I hosted an auction selling off some of the most coveted Vanderpump Rules Season ten things that I owned, like the Tom Tom hoodie and the Lightning Bolt necklace, and I donated all of the proceeds to NOAMI. I just heard wonderful things about what their organization does for people who have been diagnosed with mental illnesses their families and providing those resources. So I just did a walk for NOM in Tucson and it was really it was really incredible. The woman running it kind of like organized everything and she introduced me on stage and I was able to speak about my experience. My goal in advocating for mental health and getting involved with organizations like this is to normalize the stigma that is still behind getting mental health care and asking for help and going into treatment. It was a very decision for me when I decided to do that, and I think it's because we don't really talk about it. It's kind of one of those taboo things that if you've been through something like that, it's not really your first conversation starter. So I'm working to help normalize getting help, and I think talking about it is a great way to do that. So just to wrap this up, it's a shorter episode, but I feel like there's underlying theme here of owning up to your mistakes and that's the healthy thing to do, to make amends with the people that you have wronged, and just continuing to spread awareness to the causes that are near and dear to my heart. Mental health being the one that you know, really tugs at my heart strings because I was in such a helpless, hopeless place at one point, and with the resources that I was able to receive, I have finally come out the other end, and so now I'm able to use my voice to advocate for mental health treatment and sharing my journey so we can normalize the stay behind it all. Thank you so much for listening to Rachel Ghos Rogue. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok for exclusive video content at Rachel Ghos Rogue Podcast