Chapter 9: Rumor Has It

Published Feb 14, 2024, 6:02 AM

Rachel addresses head-on rumors that have begun to float around about her.

This is only the beginning. 

This is Rachel gos Rogue. Hey guys, this is Rachel Savannah Levis, your host of Rachel Goes Rogue. There are a few misconceptions that keep popping up that I just wanted to clarify in today's episode. I'm here with one of my iHeart producers and we're just gonna jump start this discussion. Let's get into it first. People are claiming that I would not be watching season eleven and fander Pump Rules, which I did not say that. I said that watching it would be a trigger for me, but I have things in place to keep me emotionally regulated as I watch it and process it with a therapist. But I am watching the season because I am very much still a focal point of their narrative, and I'm not just going to bury my head in the sand and like ignore everything that's going on. Like when people are talking about me and saying my story for me, I feel like I should have the ability to speak for myself, and I'm doing it in a way that is safer for my well being. I'm doing it in a way that I'm able to articulate how I actually feel and be vulnerable without being talked over by other people, and I think that's the most authentic way I can represent myself. So I'll continue watching and I'll continue podcasting.

Some people have also thrown around the phrase best friend when it comes to you and Ariana. You've already talked about yes before, but I want to know what did you look at your relationship with Ariana.

Legg Okay, So Lisa mentioned the best friend saying saying Tom wasn't thinking of shagging Arianna's best friend or whatever. I think. For me, when people use the word best friend to define Arianna and my friendship, I tend to automatically get defensive with that because for me, I didn't consider her a best friend and I didn't think that she considered me a best friend, you know, Like that's that's why I'm saying, like we weren't best friends, But your level of friendship doesn't really determine how bad the action is. Like, the action is the action, and it's unacceptable no matter what the relationship is. But I also acknowledge that maybe for Ariana she viewed me as a best friend, even though my definition of a best friend would be somebody that I'm calling often and like, you know, talking to filling in details of my day, and we didn't have that type of friendship. So when the term best friend was being put out there, like, that's the reason why I wanted to defend myself.

Do you feel like they weaponized that phrase towards you?

Yeah, I feel like they painted more of a diabolical picture with saying that we were best friends and it was like that ultimate betrayal, which it still is an ultimate betrayal honestly, because she trusted me as a friend and I had a duty to her as a friend who not overstepped this clear boundary, like, yes, I knew that Tom and Arianna were in a relationship, yet I acted on my impulses without consideration to how it would affect her feeling and how it would emotionally damage her. So I really am sorry for crossing that boundary and violating our honest trust. As we talk about it more, too, I feel like maybe I was getting defensive as a way to cognitively distance myself because it is such a difficult concept for me to wrap my brain around, like how could I actually be capable of doing something like that, betraying a friend like that? So I really do want to take accountability for my actions.

I do wonder, though, what it feels like when other cast members who have kind of been in similar situations to you kind of negate what they did because they say they weren't friends or it wasn't in a friend group. Right.

For example, Lalla at the reunion, you know, when I came to her saying, look, you don't have a leg to stand on because you slept with James while we were together. That was coming from a place of defending myself because I felt like she was out of line for criticizing me, and in turn, she said, we weren't friends. I met you, and the moment I met you, I hated you. And you know, it's like, okay, so are you excusing your actions because we weren't friends. It's still messed up. And I think for this situation with Arianna, it is so messed up because we actually were friends. But I enjoyed hanging out with her and I enjoyed hanging out with Tom, and I feel like that's why it got so messy, because I really did care about both of them, even though I threw that friendship away selfishly by putting my needs before hers.

All Right, this one is a little bit random, but I've been seeing this all over TikTok lately and I wanted to know what is going on with the whole pasta thing. It's not about the pasta. If it's not about the pasta, what is it about, Rachel? Can you tell me more about this pasta?

Okay, yes, pasta is not codeword for any substances, it's not. It really was about the pasta, you guys.

So I was.

Working one night at Sir and Lala was there with Logan and some friends, and I had my employee meal, which was the penne siciliane with capers, pine nuts and olives. Delicious. If you want to add a protein, I highly recommend the shrimp Chef's Kiss. They don't have it on the menu anymore, unfortunately. But at the time, that was the pasta that I ordered, and I don't really remember it clearly. I think I had a few bites and I had to go run off to one of my tables and Laila ate the rest of my pasta. So it became like a bigger thing on season six of vander Pump Rolls because James is trying to make the point that it's not about the pasta. It's about you disrespecting my girlfriend by eating her pasta and laughing about it, because she's belittled me for years. And that was the point that he was trying to make, that it's not about the pasta, it's about your disrespect. But people thought like, there's no way this is actually about pasta. They can't be this passionate about someone eating someone else's pasta. So, yeah, it's not code word for anything, guys. We can put that rumor to bed now. So one of the other misconceptions that I keep hearing is that I'm changing the reason why I didn't go back to vandr pump rules. First it was the money, then it was Ariana, then it was my mental health. And can we just like clear that up really quick. When you're making a life decision like this, you are weighing every single pro and every single con. There are multiple reasons why I didn't go back. Come on, guys, I feel like you're picking and choosing which ones I'm saying in the moment, like I'm changing it to try to appease whoever. I just want you to know that there are many reasons, and I've been explaining them as we go on. Yeah, I did want to know what type of money are we talking here? Am I going to be able to financially support myself for all the therapy that I will need doing this show? But at the end of the day, there's no amount of money that they could offer me to go back and risk all of the work that I have done on myself. There's no way I would have any form of healthy relationships with any of the cast members, So why would I go back to that environment. It would be toxic any which way you look at it, and it would further me from reality, which I'm trying to get back to. So I just want to clear that up once and for all.