Chapter 57: This One's For The Fans

Published Sep 17, 2024, 4:51 AM

Rachel is asked what she misses about VPR... and she's ready to spill.

Here to answer even more of your burning questions, she's opening up about the drugs and alcohol she saw during filming, the grossest thing about Tom Sandoval and what she would do if she ran into her former castmates.

I went a little rogue the last season and I think that there's a rational explanation

for

that.

This is Rachel Go's rogue.

Welcome back to another episode of Rachel Goes Road with your host, Rachel Savannah Levis. I took to Instagram and allowed you guys to ask any question that you wanted to. And today we're gonna answer some of your questions. So I hope they're juicy and I hope they're good.

OK. The first one, what are your hobbies outside of stalking everyone from V pr? Why are you so damn invested in V Pr? I continue to talk about Vanderpump cast members. If you're moving on question, question, question, question, great question. And I know a lot of these questions come from a place of concern. So I'm happy to address it now in case it wasn't clear before, but I just

would like you guys to know that. Yes, I do talk about Vanderpump rules, but basically an hour out of my week, I talk about Vanderpump. I'm a very busy person. I have a lot of other things going on in my life right now. I like to keep it confidential because after sharing my entire life on the show for so many years, I feel like my personal life is now sacred to me

and I will pick and choose what I share with the broader audience. So when you guys hear me talking about Vanderpump rules, I can see how you would get the impression that I'm still very hung up on it and I'm not able to move on and this is all I talk or think about, which is not the case. The reason why I talk about it is because I feel like I've learned a lot from

the time that I was on the show to taking a year off the show and not returning back. And

I have insight into the situations and, and some of the things that are portrayed a certain way. I have an important message to share with the people who are willing to hear what I'm saying. I talk a lot about codependent

and abusive relationships and I think because it was all captured on Vanderpump, it's an easy way to relate to other people because if you've watched from at least season five, you would see this kind of play out in my personal life that was captured on camera. Long story short, I just wanna reassure you guys that like this is not my whole life and I'm

doing good and healthy. Oh, also, I don't know if I'll really be able to move on until after the court cases were resolved anyway. OK. Anyway, since the Heidi interview, did it change your mind in any way to go back to B pr

Great question. And I was asked by my friends to know it did not change my mind

because the way that it all played out with multiple things like promises, basically, production promise to like prioritize my mental health. And it was just lip service clearly the way that the season played out. And I just want to live an authentic life and I want to create relationships and friendships that are healthy and that environment would really deter me from

being able to form those healthy friendships and relationships. And I unlike Heidi, because Heidi set out to be famous and she wanted to be a reality TV star.

I really went into filming and the show as an opportunity for me to challenge myself and to learn and to grow and to step out of my comfort zone. And I feel like I've achieved all of the goals that I had when entering this show. So,

so I don't really have a purpose to go back. And yeah, it's scary like letting them write your narrative for you. But I mean, what are you gonna do? Let's just go crazy. You know, that's why I have this podcast so I can at least have my voice out there. Oh, this question is interesting. It irks me that scan of all basically launched Ariana's career. Does it bother you too

honestly. Like I'm really happy that Ariana is living out her dreams. She's always wanted to be on Broadway. She has, I mean, who doesn't want to be on dancing with the stars? That's incredible. And she

has always been obsessed with Love Island. So, the fact that she's a host of Love Island is pretty epic. I'm just happy that scandal was able to really launch her in the direction that she's always dreamed of. I think the part that irks me the most is the way that she went out of her way to dehumanize me at the reunion. And it really like,

propelled more hate my way and, and more death threats and just like things that were not necessary because I already had a lot of shame surrounding it and a lot of people shaming me already. It's just is very telling to her character, you know, because it's like,

do you remember when Haley Bieber and the Selena Gomez drama was going on? And it was right about the time of scandal all too. Basically, one of the women was telling the public like, hey, this isn't cool and I don't support people treating other people like this online. And I feel like that's a decent thing to do as a human.

And honestly, when I talk about this stuff, it's very tricky because I know that people will just take this and make up what they want about it. But I want to talk to you guys like you're my friends and this is how I feel. I don't want to just give you like a generic answer to that.

If you were to run into Sheena, would you talk to her if she was willing?

No, no, no, no. I have run into Sheena like twice and I don't have a desire to speak to her and clearly she doesn't have a desire to speak to me. So that is not going to happen.

I just don't think that there's any type of conversation that I can even like, comprehend because there's no point in having a productive conversation with somebody that you don't wanna have a friendship with anymore. No desire to reconcile with. Shea has Bravo apologized for allowing you to be ganged up on during the reunion.

No,

no, they haven't. Thank you for asking this question. That's very sweet that you think that they should. No, they haven't.

I wish at the reunion I did throw up Tom under the bus and I was,

you know, like obviously isolated and feeling like I didn't have anyone else but not someone worth lying for. I don't think anyone is. And so I wish I would have just like been so blatantly blunt about the truth and I wish I went rogue at the reunion, but it's ok. It's ok. I think it, it also shows you that I

really had intentions on making it work and wanted to be together with him at that time.

Gosh, thank goodness. I don't know. And so I was just trying to be true to myself and what I felt like was right in that moment. It is what it is. But honestly, I hate the way that I just let people talk to me the way that they did. And I agreed with some of the horrible things that they were saying to me and the names that they were calling me, I could understand their anger and I wasn't about to fault them for being angry,

but I didn't need to allow them to speak to me the way that they did. And so I also wish that I didn't tolerate that type of behavior too.

What is one thing you miss about V pr days?

Um What is one thing

I miss about V pr days? I don't really miss anything about it. I think that was a chapter in my life and I have turned the page

and I've taken a very different direction in my life. Now, I have completely changed my lifestyle. So

the environment that V pr provides for

the people involved is not appealing to me anymore.

I really do value

kind, compassionate, open minded people

and I choose to surround myself with those types of people. And my life has become a lot more abundant because of that. And so I really don't have a desire to go back because it wouldn't be healthy for me. There's like no amount of money that you could pay me, for me to go back now. And I think that's a beautiful thing

because like, at one point in my life, you know, I did want to be on this show and I did make sacrifices. I guess I chose to be on it. And I knew that I had some lessons to learn and I've learned the lessons and I've grown the way that I intended to that chapter is complete.

Granted, I did enjoy being on B pr in my twenties. I was going out and enjoying that environment with the drinking and the partying and the socializing and the red carpets and the photography, you know, like it was very, there's something very appealing about how glamorous it all seems, but

I'm not in my twenties anymore. Did I wanna be famous? It's interesting because the Hollywood culture does idolize celebrities. And there is this sense of power when people know who you are, especially in Hollywood. So yes, there's a part of that that is appealing.

I think everyone on that show wants to be famous in some sort of way can't just sit here and be like, I don't wanna be famous, but my intentions going into it were not to be famous. I think you would see a very different girl if then

were to be famous. You know, there were many opportunities to get crazy and angry and and all that stuff and that wasn't of interest to me. I went a little rogue the last season and I think that there's a rational explanation for that.

It didn't just come out of nowhere. So I think in my twenties, that was my life and as I'm turning 30 I'm really looking forward to the next decade. I think the quality of life is going to be exponentially better and more fulfilling.

Ok. What's something gross about Tom Sandoval? Lol? We all want to know, OK, you guys, um what is something gross about Tom Sandoval? Well, this may not come as a shock to all of you guys, but Tom Sandoval does love his loving tan self tanner

and he will wear it and sweat it off and he doesn't care

what it looks like when he sweats it off and that's just kind of gross and funny. How much do you believe drug and alcohol use plays into the behavior of Bravo labs? I think that intoxication is

highly encouraged by those around you, by production, by the lifestyle, by the environment. I mean, the amount of times we would go to events, there was always alcohol at events and the more intoxicated someone is the less inhibitions, they have to be a functional adults, the more entertaining the material as the potential to be. So I think that

drugs and alcohol are encouraged.

Um I also think that when you watch the show back and you relive it and you don't really want to relive that because it's not, it's not like a fun highlight of your life. It's like pretty much the shittiest parts.

I mean, you're either going to avoid it by not watching it or you'll watch it and then, like, use some sort of substance to escape that reality, whether it's a relationship or alcohol or

whatever it may be. So, I think that that has the potential to be dangerous as well. Have you been approached to return to next season of Vanderpump Rules or The Valley?

No, I haven't and I don't have an interest to, I think that burning the bridge is pretty intensely. So. Yeah. No, I don't think that they want me back either. Did you see Victoria's Post asking people to stop bullying her after what she did to you? Honestly, like Victoria's commons. I don't spend time and energy

assessing it too much. She's her own person and she has her own motives for saying what she says publicly online. I know that a lot of that comes from Tom Sandoval himself. And I do think it's ironic that she's asking people to stop bullying her

because technically what she was doing is bullying. I haven't like bad mouthed Victoria at all. And you know, she's,

I don't know if she's like stepping into like this rescuer role for Tom when Tom's like playing the victim and saying like, poor me, you know, she's ruining my life, blah, blah, blah. But that's the thing. Like holding people accountable and ruining people's lives are two completely different things. But I don't think bowling is ever appropriate.

I think it's fair to express your opinions on a situation and to voice how you feel because we all have that right. And I think it's important for us to be able to communicate

in a way where we can hear other people's points of view and have a productive conversation. So when people are quote unquote, bullying Victoria, I'm not quite sure what that entails in her mind. But I think saying derogatory things online shouldn't be accepted because I wouldn't accept

that in real life. So I choose to not allow that on my page. So I don't, you know, like, I don't know her situation. I do think it's ironic when people go through stuff like this. I think that there's lessons to be learned in the experience and some perspective to reflect on that's on Tom calling your podcast garbage. Did he say that? How's his podcast doing?

You guys know that Tom started his podcast after I announced that I was starting this podcast

and uh I think he was really scared of what I was gonna say.

So Tom, my podcast probably is garbage because it's a lot of self help. It's a lot of talking about things from a educated perspective and we're not just following where the crowd is going

that makes sense. We're talking about things and we're pointing things out and we're holding people accountable and maybe in Tom's mind, that's all a bunch of nonsense. And so I think maybe to many people who don't listen to my

podcast and just talk shit about it online clearly, they don't like self help type stuff. So I think that's also reflective of the type of person that they are. So, gosh, I really wanna pull a Dave portnoy and call Tom a garbage bag in response to that comment. But

I'm not going to even though I kind of just did. Oops. Oh, well, ok.

Would you consider doing your own reality show? Maybe the only way I would consider it is if it's added to the productivity of our society and culture, if it added positivity to the world, then I, I would definitely consider it. But I also now know the trade off of what it entails to,

to share your life with the world and open the doors for people to comment on all of your stuff. And um also I'm creating new friendships and I don't want to put any strain on those people because I value them. So that would be a big decision. But I think I would consider it.

There's a lot to weigh in on that though.

How do you deal with people telling you to move on when it comes to your V pr experiences? I definitely have moved on. How do I deal with it though? I just keep doing me,

I just keep living my life. Like I honestly, like, I don't spend that much time talking about this stuff and it seems like I do because every time I post something publicly it is surrounding this. Um But I do have a life outside of

this podcast and thinking about these people when I hear people telling me to move on, I literally just keep doing what I'm doing lately. I've been loving junk journaling where you take things throughout the day, like a parking ticket or a ticket stub somewhere or wristband, whatever it may be and just like

gluing it into a journal and then writing a few things around it and dating it and it's like a little time capsule into that day and it's very artsy. So I've also learned in recovery. It's very important to sandwich your days. So like if you have something that you need to deal with that is

stressful or triggering, then you sandwich that with something that you love doing before and something that is going to relax you and ease you back into real life after. How do you learn to forgive yourself for something you regret doing?

Oh, that is a really good question.

So forgiving yourself especially is very important for the healing process and it starts with giving yourself grace and knowing like, hey, this is not an excuse, but you may have been acting out of a trauma response

and to be knowledgeable about that and what happens for you so that in the future you can take back control of your actions. So you, you know, you're not going to keep making the same mistake and then you give yourself grace and you, you love on yourself for getting through the tough time.

And hopefully one day you're able to look back and see how far you've come and that is a very good feeling.

Thank you so much for listening to Rachel Goes Rogue. Follow us on Instagram and tiktok for exclusive video content at Rachel Goes Rogue podcast.