Bring on the cake and the big balloons because Rachel is celebrating her 30th birthday and shares her birthday plans!
She even gets teary eyed as she reflects on her past decade, looking ahead towards the future and what she really wants in a man.
This is Rachel gos Rogue.
Welcome back to another episode of Rachel Goes Rogue with your host, Rachel Savannah Levis. Today, well, September twelfth is my birthday, and so we are doing a special birthday episode where I am reflecting back on my twenties and the growth that I feel like I've endured, through the challenges that I faced, and what I'm expecting my thirties to look like. So it's not only my birthday, but it's my thirtieth birthday, which I feel like is a pretty big milestone, and it feels like a big birthday.
To me too.
What do you have planned for your big day?
Oh my gosh, Well, I'm very excited to be turning thirty. I think I'm just going to keep it low key for my actual birthday. But I have a trip coming up. I'm going to Europe, so I will be in France and then I'll be on the Malfy Coast with some friends celebrating.
Yeah, that's a pretty exciting vacation and a pretty exciting birthday. So yeah, you need to be low key on your actual day just to rest up for what's about to happen.
Yes, yes, that's exciting.
Okay, So are you counting down, Like do you feel you know that it's approaching and it's going to be different or is it another day?
Well, I feel like it's the start of a new decade.
And I've grown so much in my twenties figuring out like what adulting really is. And now that I've figured myself out and I can navigate the world in a way that makes the most sense for me, I feel like my thirties are something that I'm really looking forward to because I just think it's easier having this experience in my twenties to be able to live an authentic life in my thirties.
Good. And that's what your twenties are supposed to be about, right It's about learning nobody everybody right now. That is, you know, judging whatever anybody and their actions. Forget what their twenties were like. And the twenties were all about making mistakes. So you know, I'm not saying you did that. I just mean that's the time. That's what happens in your twenties, to make mistakes, and you look back and reflect on them, and you do better in your thirties, and then you're four rights.
You're also like not fully developed and not fully mature. There's a lot of new life scenarios in your twenties and you're really living on your own for the first time and figuring out like what that is like and how to take care of yourself really exactly.
And you get a little bit of I'm away from my parents, I get whoop whoop it up, you know, And I'm going to stay up as late as I can on a Thursday. You know, it's my job, it's my life, Like, yeah, you know, it's all those things pushing those boundaris. So do you think this birthday will actually feel different than one's in the past, and if so, what do you think might make it different?
Well, it does already because I feel like I'm in a different place than I've been in the past. So just this year, being twenty nine, feels different than the other years in my twenties, and I suspect that it will feel a little bit different. It just feels like there's a shift in maturity in adulthood.
Yeah, it does feel different.
That's good, that's great. Are you do you consider yourself a nostalgic person?
Guess? So, who is it nostalgic. So do you.
Feel like it's the end of an error or are you more excited just to embrace the next part.
Oh, I'm so excited to embrace the next part. My friend Paige and I who page is going to Europe as well. She's always said, like, I'm so excited for my thirty I feel like the thirties are the best years because you really like know yourself.
And I don't know, like.
She's excited for it, which makes me excited for it, and I think it's like the best is yet to come.
What about older people in your life? Do any of them put you know, timelines, deadlines as any Have you ever felt pressures coming at thirty?
How do I? Have I felt pressured or pressures like societal pressures? Yeah, I don't know.
Like right now, it does feel a little bit more smooth sailing than it has, and I feel like there was a lot of pressures a year ago when I was dealing with all of this stuff, and it just feels like maybe I've figured out like what it is about my myself that I needed to work on, and I've actually applied those things to my life and it is finally manifesting in a physical way. So now it's kind of like downhill smooth sailing in a way. Because it was quite the battle this past year. I felt like there was a lot of pressure.
And about things like TikTok TikTok, the clock, the baby, the marriage, has any have you felt that at all? Has any put anybody put that on you?
That stuff?
Clearly not yeah, because no, no, you know, like my parents are very supportive of me, and I think that when you're ready to have kids, you know, I don't know that feeling yet because I'm not ready to have kids yet. But I would suspect like finding the right person, the right partner would be essential for like thinking about kids. And clearly, you know, obviously my parents are like, let's just get you through this chaos so you can like start your new life. So kids hasn't really been a topic of conversation, but for me myself, thinking about the time frame of when people typically have kids, and these days it seems like people are waiting longer and longer to have kids, which there's some pros and cons to that. Like the pros would be more time to travel and more time to live your adult years without the responsibility of taking care of small human beings, which gives you more freedom and more time to live. And I do feel like I am catching up a little bit on that experience. But then if you have kids later on, like your late thirties, your kids will grow up and you know, there's quite a big age gap. So for my parents, my parents had me in their forties and they could be grandparents, but they're not. And I think that there are some challenges with that too.
So I think, you know, if.
I were to have kids, it would be I mean ideally, I think, like mid thirties would be great.
I'm gonna share something with you. So I think this is a generational thing too. So my generation, the parents put a lot of pressure. Oh my gosh, if you're not married. It's like the olden days when they say, if you're not married by thirty, you're going to be a spinster. And I was not. I was way too selfish. I wanted to travel, I wanted to do everything, so I didn't get married till I was thirty five, and then I had my first baby when I was thirty six. But what I will say to people of your your age and generation is one hundred percent. You do you right, because once you are married and once you are settled down, it is very different. However, the thing that I didn't realize at the time when I went to get pregnant at thirty six and they told me I was too old, and I was like, no, no, no, you don't understand it. I never drank, I never smoked, I am fit. I was never overweight. You are born with the amount of eggs that you have and it does not change. So as they shed and as they leave, you get depleted. So when you are in your early thirties is the very best time to go and freeze those eggs and then you don't have the pressure. So when you are ready and you find a partner and if there is any troubles, I highly suggest that to people of your age, because I like you believe that there shouldn't be that pressure that you should be fulfilled in your life before you have the kids. But the body may not follow suit. So I'm not pressuring you, bitch. Just think about it.
So what would you say the theme of your twenties.
Is or was.
Oh gosh, the theme of my twenties? Well, it was more of like a story arc for me because I was so shy and insecure and reserved and didn't have much self worth. I think the theme was probably like pushing myself out of my comfort zone and trying new things and kind of really putting myself out there after feeling like I had been invisible.
My whole life.
I would say, yeah, maybe the theme was kind of like finding myself in the spotlight, and through those experiences I did end up finding my true self and now I'm able to really like harness that and live that life.
And it sounds like what the twenties are supposed to be about. So you know, people try to make you feel bad about it. You did exactly what we should have done. You experience life, you made mistakes, you learn from them, you more so than most, and you get on with it right and now you're embracing, like you said, the next decade. Is there anything looking back in particular that you would have done differently knowing what you know now?
Yeah, I wouldn't have been in relationships with abusive partners or controlling partners. I wouldn't have sacrificed my own wellbeing for other people's wants and needs. Mostly once I would have prioritized my friendships better and been a better friend. Unfortunately, I had to experience all of those mishaps to learn the lessons that I needed to learn and to prioritize the values that I now prioritize in my life. And so as much as I regret certain things, I am also grateful for those lessons that I learned along the way.
That's a great way to look at it. Okay, So how about something that you feel that you did really well in your twenties.
I feel like I was a very compassionate person. I have this innate tendency to put myself in other people's shoes and empathize with where they're coming from and give them grace. I think I did really well in challenging myself in a way that stimulated me to learn certain lessons and overcome certain obstacles. I feel like I did a good job in upholding my values of kindness, perseverance, and integrity for the most part. Towards the end there not so much. But like when you live your whole life living by certain values that are taught to you, you don't really know any other way of life until you go rogue and venture off of what has been taught to you for you to assess like, oh, this really is something that I want to live by every day. So yeah, I think I did a good job in adapting to the situation and surviving the extremes.
That's awesome. I'm going to give you something that I think you should be proud of too, because a lot of people go through all sorts of things in their twenties. And we talked about this in the very first podcast we ever did with you, all the group of producers, you know, the big thing that you did, and we're all like, yeah, everybody does their twenties, right, you remember that.
We're like, Okay, it's just not on TV and you don't get roasted for it, right, Yeah.
So most of us make all sorts of mistakes in our twenties, and they don't do a deep dive into assessing every little thing and how to make it better and learn learning from it and moving beyond. And part of that you had to do, and part of it you chose to do. And I think you should be very proud of that.
That's very interesting that you say that, because I feel like that is something once again innate inside of me. This self growth, like this desire to grow and be better throughout my whole life.
So in a way, it's almost like.
All of this is a blessing because I am able to look at my behavior make changes and like share that with other people as well. And I feel like a lot of people do resonate with the relationship stuff.
You like help a couple people from going through, not specifically what you did, but you know things like you you went through. I mean that's a big help, and I think you're doing a great job with that too.
Yeah, it's like sharing the lessons that I've learned exactly.
Okay, Now, twenty nine year old you about to be thirty year old. If you were sitting on a bench with eighteen or nineteen year old you, what would you tell your younger self? Any advice you would give your younger self.
Oh gosh, let's see.
I would tell my younger self that she is more than capable and she is worthy and not to put your self worth in the hands of somebody else. I would tell her that she needs to learn how to validate herself from within, or maybe I would teach her how to validate herself from within, because I think that is like the core issue of where most of my problems arose. And I would tell her, don't get too caught up on how other people perceive you, because it's not actually who you are, and only you truly know who you are, and what everyone else thinks about you is none of your business, really, So just keep going about your way and do what you feel like is the right thing in the moment.
That's good advice.
Do you have if you could or if you thought about a theme for your thirties? You know how Taylor has her eras, do you have a theme or an era for your thirties era?
Well?
Yeah, I mean I feel like my twenty nine was, yeah, my healing era for sure. I feel like my thirties is like my living era.
My thirties is living an.
Authentic life in alignment to my values and surrounding myself with positive people that bring out the best in me, and then like doing the same for the people that I choose to surround myself with, just like that positive feedback loop. And then maybe a little travel sprinkled in there.
Yeah, that my advice would a lot of travel in there.
Yeah, very fun.
Honestly, it probably will be a lot of travel because well, first of all, I'm able to with this podcast, which I'm so grateful for. And then I just I don't really have anything tying me down to a specific place, so I have that ability.
And again then that changes too when you get married and have kids. The destinations you choose to travel to, right and the things you do, so I am all for. Like my twins are only eleven, I'm telling them all the time. I travel, travel, travel, travel every time, and I take them everywhere I can. I teach them to be good travelers because I think you learn so much about yourself and the world and you enjoy it, and you still do that throughout your life, like my family travels, but it is very different the things that you choose to do or see so right now you know when you're single, when you start dating and again and like all those things, enjoy those places, make your bucket list, you know, and really live them because you can go back and it's just a different experience when you have a significant other or you have kids, So you know, I'd be all about that too. Do you feel you have to act a certain way when you're thirty, Like all of a sudden are they're like, Okay, I w a grown up.
Probably yeah did you feel that?
Yeah, Like I've gotta reply to my emails promptly, got to do my taxes on time, you know, like those adult things. It's like, yeah, I'm thirty now, gotta really step up to the plate.
There's no more excuses.
Interest in hobbies do you think have they changed throughout this year? And then do you think they're either you know, gonna ad knitting or are you going to getting or are you going to embrace doing something else.
So at this point my life, I kind of know what I like.
I have my favorite hobbies, and I don't really have an interest in trying necessarily new things because when I do have free time, I have the things that are my go to that do bring me joy every single time. So you know, I'm down to try new things if it's like with a friend or something. But I have my favorite things like dance and pilates and hiking. I actually really want to get into adult ballet and art painting all that stuff.
That's pretty cool. And plus I guess maybe not new things, but more time doing the things you like, Right, maybe that's your change for you.
It's time for you, definitely.
I feel like routine is really big, having a set schedule and making sure that you are putting in scheduled time for those things that bring you happiness.
That kind of leads us into the next question, which you've sort of answered, but I think you can continue to like even maybe some bigger ones. Have you set any goals for the next chapter of your life? Like some people, you know, they're like, Oh, I've got to have a baby by this, or I have to move into a house by this, or what kind of goals have you set for yourself, if any, for your thirties.
Yes, I will.
First of all, I would love to be in a healthy, loving relationship. And you know, I now can see the red flags and I can identify them, and I have enough self worth to be able to walk away if it's not the right relationship. I feel like in my thirties, I'll be able to find love, like real love. I would also love to be like financially and dependant and have this era of abundance and not only you know, finances, but the people.
That are in my life.
And in my thirties, I would love to have a clothing line or at least merch or something. I'm working on it, and it's been a slow burn, but I feel like it's this person. It's a very personal process, and I'm not just going to like mock something up and sell it for a quick buck. So yeah, I can definitely see something with fashion and clothing and creating something that feels really good to wear, right, because I love that and my continued education and my continued recovery and self work and staying on this path that.
I know is better for me, but then also being able to.
Mold that to my specific situation because as we talk about recovery and addiction and all that stuff, my situation it's called a process addiction. So it's kind of like I need to make sure my life is structured and a positive environment, and then I'll be able to do normal things Like I'm not sure if I will not drink alcohol for the rest of my life because I'm not an alcoholic. I just know that I haven't made my best decisions when I was under the influence, and I feel like when I do surround myself with positive people who are not out to take advantage of me, then I'm able to build that trust and possibly I will be able to enjoy a glass of champagne if I'm celebrating something special like.
My wedding, you know, like who knows.
But I just feel like I'm in a very healthy space now and it took a long time to get here, and I'm still like taking those baby steps, but I can see that being part of my future.
That's awesome. Would you ever freeze your eggs?
Oh my gosh, Juliette, Well, okay, so like in a way, it's kind of like, well, if God wants me to have a baby, then I'll have a baby, and.
If not, then not. And I you know, like also with.
Freezing your eggs and and fertilizing them, I know that you can potentially select the gender, and I'm just like not sure, you know, Like I would rather have the ability to just like go with the flow and surrender and if it's meant to be, it'll be. I think maybe a part of me is like I'm not like dead set on having kids, and maybe also a part of that is just like not finding the right person that I know that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with and having that type of conversation. So I'm not sure, but I'm not going to call and make an appointment tomorrow.
That makes sense.
I wouldn't be opposed to adopting either, but there are some risks with that as well, like when you don't know the baby's biological makeup, or like.
Addiction genetics that are passed down.
And so if I were to have kids, when I did find somebody who is right for that job of being a responsible father, then you know, I probably would rather have it with that person.
Yeah, thirty is a milestone birthday. So looking back, do you think you are where you thought you would be? And if you're not where you expected to be, what do you not have or where do you think that is different with where you are now?
I love this question.
I hadn't really thought about like where I would be in my thirties back in my early twenties, but I always knew I wanted to be someone who wasn't afraid to speak their mind, and someone who would be in a loving relationship and someone who was able to really like adapt and be a light in other people's lives. And I feel like I've achieved everything that I've set out to achieve, like sitting here today, So I honestly, couldn't be happier really looking back and seeing how far I've come and I've accomplished it, Like we're here, we did it, and now I'm like entering into this new era, this new timeframe where I say that I'm thirty now, you know, and I think it's just like very reflective of how far I've come and how I'm really a functional adult now.
Thank you so much for listening to Rachel Goes Rogue.
Follow us on Instagram and TikTok for exclusive video content at Rachel gos Rogue Podcast