Chapter 40: Pageant Princess (Rachel's Reflections)

Published Jul 22, 2024, 4:15 AM

Rachel talks about losing the title of Miss California, and how her quest for the crown has affected her life today.

This is Rachel Go's Rogue.

Welcome to another episode of Rachel Goes Rogue. I'm your host, Rachel Savannah Lovis, and today we've got the second installment of Rachel's Reflections. I'm pulling back the curtain and talking about what was really going on behind the scenes of some of the most pivotal moments in my life, moments that you might know a little bit about, but not the whole picture. I've got my producers here with me today and we're going to take a look through my Instagram at photos that I've shared and talk about what was really going on during this time in my life and how these small moments have made a massive impact. Today we're talking about competing as Miss Malibu.

Hey, Rachel, So I'm sure you remember this very clearly, but can you describe to us what was really going on when you took this photo.

I was competing for Miss California, USA, and this was my last pageant. I was aging out at the age of twenty seven. I was going through a lot of emotions competing in this pageant. But I competed for Miss California as Miss Malibu, and this photo was taken right before the gown competition.

You said you were feeling a lot of emotions. Why at that moment was there's so much emotion?

I laughed because I cried so much that weekend. I think there was a lot of emotions because it was like my final go to compete and to win this title that I wanted to win so badly. It's been a dream of mine to represent California at Miss USA and to be a positive role model for other young women and to use my voice. I felt like the only way to do that the time was winning this pageant. I think it was emotional because it's very layered. I started competing for pageants when I was sixteen years old and I was scouted in them all. I asked my mom if I could compete, and she was like, if you can raise enough money, then you can go ahead and compete. At that time, I was very shy, but something about pageants drew me in because you got to dress up and be a princess for a day and new friends, and like be on stage and be in the spotlight, and also speaking terrified me. Speaking in front of three or more people was absolutely Let's just say I struggled with crippling social anxiety, so I knew that there was a piece there for me to overcome, and it felt like the pageant environment was rewarding enough to take that risk and then show up on stage my most confident and feeling my most beautiful.

So, Rachel, what does the hashtag find your Voice mean to you?

I'm actually so happy that I put that hashtag on there. So finding your voice has been my soul's journey ever since I don't know childhood, I guess I feel like I've definitely held myself back from dressing myself fully and feeling like I didn't have a voice for so long. In order to compete for pageants successfully, you have to be articulate with your thoughts and the reasons why you're competing. I put myself through Toastmasters to help with my speaking abilities, and I felt like that year, specifically competing, I was able to be the most articulate I've ever been in my life. And this also was like freshly after my breakup with James and feeling like, Okay, now I'm really finding myself without the significant other, and I just felt a lot more confident in myself in my own skin, and I felt like that year I was really able to find my voice.

So we, obviously, or the viewer obviously knows the result of the pageant, But what would winning have meant to you?

Or did you would you what did you think it would mean to you back then?

It's interesting because there is some sort of external validation when you compete for a pageant and you get crowned, because it means that you have been selected to represent whatever area on a level where other women are also on that same level, and so it just means that other people agree that you are the best fit for this position. I figured that winning Miss California would add an element to Vanderpump Rules where I could take you guys in too like a day in the life of a titleholder, and be an advocate for the things that I was passionate about and represent pageants in a way that I felt like was badass and worthy and something that hasn't been really dumb before on reality TV. So I felt like this competing for this title that year specifically was a big opportunity for me to bring to the show to share with others. I put a lot of pressure on myself to win because I really didn't have a plan. B. I wanted to do my job well and I didn't want to just be James's girlfriend.

So now, looking at that photo and where you are now and all the things you have learned, what advice would you now give that girl in the photo? Oooh?

I mean, there's so many different directions I could go with that, but I think the biggest lesson learned is that a title doesn't hold weight the way that you think it does. There's a saying in the pageant world that what's meant for you won't pass you by. And I feel like today with my podcast and being able to use my voice in this way is everything that I've been wanting to accomplish with competing in pageants originally, and so I do believe in that saying what's meant for you will not pass you by. I think, talking to that younger version of myself, even though you know I was twenty seven and now I'm twenty nine, you don't need to put so much pressure on yourself. You are enough just the way you are, and you can just show up and not try so hard, and in doing that you become more magnetic. Living in your authenticity is the best way to live. That's the advice I would give to myself back then. But I think I really had to experience what I went through and learn that lesson the hard way to get to the point that I'm at now.

I think that's a good point in what you're describing is basically confidence, and it takes experience to get there. Is there anything else when you look back at because not just this pageant, but the pageants you did.

Is there anything else that pageants taught you about yourself?

Yeah? Absolutely, a ton. And I would love to bring on some of my pageant friends to talk more about this because I think it gets a bad rep you know, the stereotypical pageant girl that the show really played into with me unfortunately. But yes, when you compete in a pageant, you are competing against other women. But it is a mental game, and if you are comparing yourself to somebody else, like the girl next to you in the lineup, you're not going to be successful. You're just not. The name of the game is to switch your mindset to be competing against past version of yourself and to like pretend that nobody else is there and it's just you and you're just showing up in the best possible way for yourself. I think that is the best strategy going into this competition. It's difficult too, because there's only one winner and there's like hundreds of girls that compete. Majority of the time, you're not going to win. Most people don't win, and you have to be okay with that, and you have to know that winning is the end goal for everyone competing. But there has to be another reason why you're competing, and most of the time that's like self development.

Would you ever do another pageant now tomorrow?

I wouldn't do one tomorrow, but I have been asked to judge a pageant, so I'll be flying out to Florida next month and I've been wanting to judge a pageant. So it'll be really cool being on the other side of the table and interviewing these young women or actually they don't even need to be young women anymore, Like I think the age range well for the Miss USA system them anyway, they lifted the restriction so it's just any women. It'll be cool being on the other side and being on the panel and experiencing talking to these women and seeing what they're all about and seeing what they're passionate about, and I think that's going to broaden my perspective on the pageant system as a whole.

Gee, So after we'll check in with you.

Yeah, check out with me after. But like, if I'm going to be completely honest, it's still a dream of mine to be a title holder, you know, a national title holder in the back of my mind, like I'm just continuing forging forward with this podcast and like standing up for myself and standing up for what I believe in, and that's what a title holder would do. So I want to be at the point where I can just like show up and be like, hey, what's up. You can go check out my podcast to know what I'm about. If you want, I'll tell you about what I'm about. And also, like all of these podcast episodes, like we're recording twice a week, I feel like I have so much more experience speaking and expressing myself, and I've learned from my experiences, so I know myself very well now, and so I feel like if I did compete, I would be in a really good spot.

Oh that's good.

So you actually feel all your experiences leading up to this would make you a better contestant.

Now, is that right what I'm hearing?

One hundred percent?

Yeah? Interesting? All right, Well, well you're going to we'll hold you to that. Maybe you're gonna have to go in another one. Okay. If you had a daughter, would you let your daughter compete? Would you put your daughter in pageants?

I wouldn't go out of my way to put my daughter in a beauty pageant, but if it was something that she was interested in and she could express that to me and articulate why she wanted to compete, I would support her one hundred percent.

All right? And then there has been you mentioned some of your friends, there's been stuff in the headlines. What are your thoughts on the pageant world now? From what you either hear or read and then your personal experience.

There is some turmoil in the pageant world right now, especially with the USA system. It's transferred owners, somebody bought it, and the title holders this past year have not been happy with the way that it has been run, and so they resigned with only a month left of their reign, which is quite the statement to make. There are some challenges right now for the title holders, and this isn't every pageant. There are incredible directors of these pageants and in the USA system specifically that I know of. Yeah, yeah, there are some things that need to be worked out. But also like being pageant director is a hard job. There is a lot of drama and competition and getting you know, you want the best girls to compete in your pageant so that you have a very strong titleholder to represent your area. It's competitive, it is, but I do believe it's for a bigger purpose. And like all the girls are very they're competitive, but they're very nice and we all kind of want the same thing.

At the end of the day, did the pageant know that you were being filmed for the show?

Were their cameras and stuff?

I don't think that we got clearance to film, and it was before we were picked up for another season.

Okay, but did they know who you were at that point?

Yes? Yeah. On my on my pageant resume, i put that I was a cast member on the show and what I've been doing and that I would represent California at Miss USA and on vander Pump roles.

That could have played into a lot of the ends too, not saying good or bad, but it could have.

Yeah, I felt like it. It was a pro I felt like the fact that I was on a reality TV show and the fact that I wanted to represent California at Miss USA that helped me be a strong contestant because it's advertising for the USA system at the end of the day.

Right, But let me be the devil's advocate on that. Okay, Now let's say you. Let's say you advanced or won. Now you're dealing with they had two business entities have to work it out to make it work, and that doesn't always work in your favor.

I'm not making excuse. I wasn't there.

I don't know, but it just occurred to me when you were talking about it, is those people behind the scenes have to make all of that work. They could have made you make a choice stay on the show or do your duties, or they could have so you might have thought, in your mind, which makes sense, that it was a positive, and your intentions were that it was a positive because you would be bringing light.

To that role on the show.

But the shows and the entities themselves could have seen that as a challenge for sure.

But I challenged that because they cast me as this pageant girl. It's like the ultimate title for my role on the show, and I have competed for Kristin Bradford's pageants. She was the director of Miss Malibu and she became the new director of Miss California, and so we spoke about this, and she was very supportive of me representing Miss California and being.

On the show.

And there's a lawyer to work through your contract with the show, and so there's a way to legally make it so that I can represent Miss California and be on the show. However, the logistics of being Miss USA and being on vander Pump Rules could have been a conflict.

Yeah, I can see that.

And also I mean at the end of the day, when if you to want or Missed whoever, they are a property, they are an asset to that business, so that has to come first in their minds, the rule, then the type TV show.

So I'm just saying it is a little bit more.

Complicated, that's all. Yeah, And I think I would have played into that as well. Like when I do a job, I want to do my job well. I have a very strong work ethic, and so as a reigning title holder for a year, that would take president over the show vander Pump Rules. If I'm competing for a pageant, I need to present myself in a very particular, put together way. And because I didn't have those limitations on myself anymore, you know, like I didn't care anymore. I was like, well, why am I monitoring myself? I have no reason to monitor myself anymore. I'm not going to be a title holder, so might as well give the show my all and might as well commit to like having fun and living it up. I remember back when I filmed the scene where I sat down with Lisa and asked for a job working at sir and I was sitting next to Starcy Schroeder and she told me like, basically, the name of the game with vander Pump Rules is the worse you behave, the more you get rewarded. And that always stuck with me in the back of my mind, but I never acted on it because I had plans on being a titleholder and on being a positive role model.

Do you think you learn more about yourself through pageants or reality TV?

I would say that I learned more about myself through pageants before season ten of vander Pump Rules, and then I learned the most about myself through that experience, my experience with the show, and my experience with losing myself and then finding myself again. These past two years have been very life changing for me, major lessons learned, and I credit it both to pageants and the show. Thank you so much for listening to Rachel gos Rogue. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok for exclusive video content at Rachel gos Rogue Podcast