The DMs are open, and Rachel is replying.
This is Rachel gos Rogue. Welcome back to another episode of Rachel Goes Rope. This is your host, Rachel Savannah Lovis, and today we're doing part two of the questions that you guys submitted. You are taking the reins in these two episodes, and I want to get to all of your questions. So we're going to pick up where we left off from the last episode. And I was just thinking. I got asked the question what routines do you do to take care of your mental health? And I said breathing and crafting. And I also would like to share the other things that I do to take care of my mental health. I meditate, I listen to positive podcasts, I have weekly therapy, I listen to music. I'm social in my community. I read self help books. I read books to nurture my inner child. And I keep my space clean. And I think that last part has been a huge help in the transformation of my mood and feeling organized and feeling like I'm waking up every day excited to get work done because my space is just like calm and zen and my vibe and I love it. So those are some tips for you if you're looking to improve areas in your own mental health. Okay, back to these questions. You guys sent in some heavy questions or maybe I just I'm a heavy person. I'm a deep person, so I go there. But these are really good questions, and I I am happy that we have this sort of dialogue and you're you're interested in knowing more about me, and I am very happy to share. So we will get back into it. Okay, first question, we're starting off talking about Tom. Even when I said I wasn't going to anymore, well, well, well well here we are. I guess I changed my mind. Okay, do you wish it worked out with you and Tom? No? I do not. You know, the part that I wish it worked out on are things that I would want different in him. And I have to accept the fact that I cannot change anybody, and nobody is going to change for me, so Tom as the package that he is. I am happy that it did not work out between us. Would you watch a season twelve the vander Pump Roles if there is one, Absolutely freaking not. I am traumatized after watching last season of vander Pump Roles, and I never want to watch a season of it again. Can you give any comforting words to other girls who are the other women? Ooh, let me see, okay. I would say to anyone who has been the other woman or currently is the other woman in a relationship that it's very important to seek out trusted friends and tell them about the situation, or hire a therapist, invest some money into yourself to talk it out, because the secrecy is toxic and it's not healthy for anyone to be in situation like that. You deserve so much better than being an option. And unfortunately, when you are giving somebody girlfriend access without the girlfriend's status, you are doing yourself a disservice and the guy is going to take advantage of this situation to the max. So just be mindful of that. I know you're probably thinking you are in love with this person. You probably are in love with this person, but you're probably attached to and attachment isn't a bad thing. We can be aware of it, we can accept it, and then we can change it. And you deserve a love that is selfless towards you, and I think you should settle for anything less. So if you are in a situation where you're sneaking around with somebody that you should not be. You're doing yourself a disservice, and please, please, please get help, but don't shame yourself. Because you're human. We're programmed to love others and to receive love, but you deserve more than this. I hope that helps. I hope that was comforting some tough love. I guess back to our questions, do you think the pageant world set you up to be vulnerable to trauma? No? And this is a very interesting question because I feel like the pageant world gets a very bad rep from my experience of it. It was a very positive thing for me to push myself and grow outside of my comfort zone. I chose to participate in my first pageant when I was sixteen in high school, so my parents did not force me to compete, and I raised my own money to compete. I got sponsors so I could compete and buy a gown and dress up and get makeup lessons. And this is coming from a girl that wouldn't ask for anything, So asking for money was like a huge deal. And that's how much it meant to me because I knew that there was something there for me to learn. I would love to have some of my pageant girlfriends on this podcast to talk about our experience because it's unique and I feel like it's misunderstood and highly stereotyped. The women that compete in pageants are pretty badass and they want the world to be a better place, and maybe that is a little bit stereotypical, but I don't think that they're dumb at all. And I feel like a I did a little bit of a disservice to the pageant community by being passed as the dumb one on vander Pump Rules, but I think that the show did that. I'm not stupid. I'm actually very intelligent, and we could talk about that too, because you know, I've had to figure out the hard way that I've had a learning disability and overcome that. And I would love to dive deeper into my ADHD diagnosis and how I got certain accommodations. That could be a whole episode. But back to the question, No, I do not think the pageant world set me up to be vulnerable to trauma. Yeah, I'm just going to leave it at that and say that I would love to have some friends on here to help expand your knowledge of the pageant community. I think that would be fun. What is your advice on red flags to look for? And then ooh, okay, this sound's fun because my therapist that I have now I've got the red flag meter down. I feel like anyway someone who is controlling, it's definitely a red flag. You do not want to date somebody who's controlling. I would say it's probably best for the guy that you are dating to have a positive relationship with his mother and his family. I think that childhood really shapes you to become the person that you are subconsciously, and a guy who has a good relationship with his mother is probably going to treat you right. I would say, we'll see, I'll let you know. Also, guys who have an older sister, I feel like, get it, guys who don't have integrity, say what you mean, mean what you say, and like that needs to be consistent. And I would give somebody like three mess ups before you cut them out, if they're like small mess ups, Because if they're small things, I feel like it's easy to give them a pass. And maybe it was I don't know, like give them the benefit of the doubt. But if it's consistent like that, they're probably going to mess up on a bigger thing, and we don't want that. So integrity is huge. When a guy treats people in service with disrespect, I would say that that's a red flag. When did you decide to get sober? I decided to get sober when I checked myself into the meadows. I remember telling Tom there's a good chance that I will leave here not drinking alcohol anymore. I was like, Okay, I'm going to take back control of my life and not use substances the way that I have in the past. And I can honestly say like it has brought me so much more clarity cutting alcohol out of my life. I feel like I can really connect to myself better and access parts of my brain that need more processing and healing. And I'm able to like step into my most favorite self more often. And I think, you know, I think it's paired with multiple things like consistent therapy and daily routines, but alcohol, I think is the most overrated substance in today's culture. Yeah, if you're sober curious, I would try it out for a month. See if you can cut out alcohol. It'll be difficult, but see what happens. Try it out for yourself. How did you learn to overcome fear around public speaking. I overcame fear by exposure therapy, showing up and speaking when I did not want to. I joined Toastmasters, and I forced myself to speak in front of other people. You have to like prep speeches, and they count the number of likes and ums and filler words that you say so that you become more aware, which I still have work to do, but my confidence speaking improved because of that, and I felt like I was able to express myself more than I ever was able to before. And this is me newly single and really breaking out of my depression that I was in and seeing life in a new light and new like a new hopefulness and just like living life to the full list. That was my mindset. Yeah, I just felt like I was talking a lot more. And I think you guys noticed when I resumed filming for season ten, Like I remember seeing comments of people saying, like, what the heck, Like Raquel is a different person, She's not her voice isn't the same. And it was because, like I was doing so much training for Miss California. Yeah, it's it's all about exposure therapy and that is why I competed in Miss California teen, USA back when I was sixteen, because I knew that it would push me outside of my comfort zone. Basically, it's like, what's the one fear in your life, your most illogical, irrational fear? Point that and then what would happen if you overcame that fear? What would unlock for you? And so I feared public speaking so much that I felt like if I overcame that I would be unstoppable. And uh, look me now I have my own podcast and I feel pretty freaking unstoppable. Do you regret breaking off your engagement with James? No, I don't regret breaking off my engagement. I knew that James is not the right person for me because I wouldn't treat other people the way that he treated other people, and I would be embarrassed and become very very small and want to disappear when he treated people very disrespectfully. Did you have any empathy for Katie during season ten? Do you feel like you owe her and her mom in apology? I did not, and that is not something that I am proud of. Katie. I'm really sorry for not considering you and your emotions and what you were going through. I did not even think or one moment to put myself in your shoes, and I caused you so much pain, and I truly am sorry for that. I decided to play into a role on a reality TV show for the views. I'm not doing that again, and I hope you are healing and I hope you're doing well. Would you be open to talking to any former cast members? Do you ever see a world where there is any sort of friendship with any of them? I don't see a world where there is a genuine friendship because I feel like rust has been broken on both ends. I feel like the love that I received from the cast members were conditional. I would be open to talking to Lalla. I don't think that there's a world where there's any sort of genuine friendship, But I think there's a world where we can be cordial to each other and not you know, send the dogs on each other anymore. So all I can do, and I understand completely like it's part of the acceptance of like this situation where people are going to think what they think given the circumstance, and I would think that too. All I can do now is show up for myself consistently, honestly, and over time I will be able to rebuild that trust. You know, this whole journey has been such a process for me, and I think it's very poetic that I entered into this reality TV world thinking it was real and knowing that I would overcome some sort of block with my public speaking and social anxiety and external validation. When it has, it has so much so that like, I know myself better than I ever had before. I can confidently say that, and I can speak freely and honestly and openly and without fear because the people that are receiving my message are receiving it for a reason. And I think the poetic part is that it's through a podcast, which I would have never in a million years thought that I would have had. Thank you for listening. I'm happy that you are here. Thank you so much for listening to Rachel Goes Rogue. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok for exclusive video content at Rachel gos Rogue Podcast