Chapter 36: Raise Your Glass... This Is Juicy!

Published Jul 9, 2024, 4:00 AM

After some reflection, Rachel is ready to reveal who she misses the most form the cast and who she is ready to reconcile with.

And, this is JUST the beginning.

This is Rachel Go's Rogue. Welcome back to another episode of Rachel Goes Rope. This is your host, Rachel Savannah Levis, and today I'm giving you the reins. Post it on Instagram and let you guys ask me whatever was still on your mind. Things you've been wanting. Answers to questions about my personal life. I'm answering it all. Let's dive right in because there are so many questions here and I want to get to all of them. I'll try to keep my answers short as short as possible, because you know me, I go off on long tangents and try to explain with a little bit of backstory, So I'll try to keep it as short as possible. I want to get through all these questions, and it's looking like this will be a two part episode, so this is part one of answering your guys' questions. First question, curious to know if any cast members have tried communicating since the last reunion aired. No, I don't believe any of the cast members have reached out to communicate since the last episode aired this season. No, do you miss your friendships with any cast members? Actually? I do. I miss my friendships with all of them. In a strange way, I can say, like sincerely, I do miss my friendship with Sheena, just like traveling to San Diego and hanging out with her and her daughter and talking and I don't know, hanging out and having fun. I do miss that friendship. I mean, heck, I even miss Lala. I miss Lala's fight, see energy and thinking back on some of the interactions, like our most heated moments. I think that there's part of me now that understands Lalla a lot more after experiencing this entire scandal, and I have an appreciation for Lalla, even Katie, Like there was a moment for Katie and I back when James brought us all to Palm Springs for our surprise engagement and Katie and I had a good moment in the pool, and that could have been a good friendship too, but I did not prioritize those friendships. I think I miss everyone except for James. Okay, next question, are you working? What are you doing now? What is next for you? So right now, this podcast is my job and I feel fulfilled doing it because I feel like the best way to live your life is to be in alignment with your purpose and getting paid to do what you love. And for me, that is healing others through my story and being a voice for people who feel like they don't have anyone to relate to. I want to be a voice for the person that I was going through all of this, So yes, I am that voice for that person who may be struggling and wants answers and doesn't know where to start. I'm hesitant to speak about where I'm going career wise because it is private for me. But I can say, like I have an interest in yoga, doing yoga instruction. I heard that that is like a whole lifestyle dedication and it's transformative, and I'm all about that journey right now. I'm also very interested in sound healing and sound bowls, and I think there's something for me to explore there with the throat chakra, because overcoming my social anxiety has been a huge part of my soul's journey, and I feel like there's still room for improvement because my voice still gets shaky when I'm talking about something that is important to me. Those are just some things that I am interested in in taking the steps towards pursuing do you miss being on the show. Part of me does, the part of me that got external validation from being on the show and feeling like I could control more of my own narrative, and that wasn't going to be the healthiest option for me, so that is why I opted out. But yeah, a part of me does miss being on vander Pump Rules. Would you do any other type of reality TV show like Traders? I actually think I would do Traders. I don't know, but I yeah, I don't think I would do a reality show about my life. I think I would do a reality competition show like Traders. That could be fun. Are you dating? Will you be making public any future relationships? I will be dating? Shortly, we just put out a podcast episode talking about getting on dating apps and hinge because that allows for the woman to take control on who she is dating, and that seems like an ideal situation for me. Will you be making public any future relationships? That depends. It's going to be some time before I publicly announce a relationship. We'll have to see how the dating experience goes. If it goes well and I do find somebody worthwhile, then perhaps I will publicize it. But that's going to take some time to get to that point. I'm actually really excited to be on a dating app. And it's wild because before that interview, I was not even considering online dating to be an option, and afterwards, I feel like that is the way to go. And so I'm very grateful for that dating coach Jake that came on. Even though I didn't agree with everything he would saying, I do feel like there was some wisdom there and real that men are a lot less likely to approach a woman in public in the wild, just because nobody wants to be a bother to somebody else, and I could understand that. And the dating apps are like an intentional place to meet somebody and the woman gets to make the first move, So that sounds very appealing to me. I'd love to share more about like setting up my Hinge profile, so maybe that will be a future episode. What makes you a better friend today than you were before? What have you learned? Taking care of myself makes me a better friend than I was before. Making sure that I'm taking care of all of my needs so I'm not going somewhere else to meet those needs. I also am making it intentional and a priority to really work on my relationships with other women and my women friendships, and right now those are all the friendships that I have, and I think that that is a healthy thing. I think women speaking to each other, talking to each other is healing. And there's a study out there somewhere that women who participate in healing circles or like talking circles live longer than women who don't. My friends and I joke like, oh hey, let's hang out tonight and have our night healing circle. What have I learned? I've learned that I have to fill my own cup before I can help others and be a good friend for others. So prioritizing my physical needs, my mental needs, all of that stuff, making sure I do things that spark joy for me, like dancing, like crafting, and then that love just overfills to my friends. How hard was it to go from people pleasing to setting boundaries? It was really difficult because my whole journey with people pleasing and overcoming that led me to the disaster that everybody witnessed on season ten of Vander pump Roles. So yeah, because getting over the people pleasing and just feeling like hyper vigilant on everybody else's needs and living in anxiety and fear. I started to overcome that and become more selfish and self centered, and I wasn't taking care of my own needs, so I was outsourcing that and it led to a lot of trouble. So now I'm learning to set boundaries. I think a big, big boundary for me has been removing alcohol from my life and telling other people like, hey, I'm probably not gonna be at this social function if there's gonna be like major partying, really being aware of what I'm walking myself into so that I keep my sobriety. Going back to the friendship question, I I went to this Odessa concert in LA a few weekends ago, and I didn't post about it because I left my phone in the uber and I was out with new friends that I met at Lightning in a bottle. This guy invited me with his date. They were both drinking a lot, and I didn't know them very well. I should have gotten to know them before committing to this, but I can be a yes man sometimes lessons learned. Anyway, her date turns to her and he's like, Hey, I'm gonna go find my ex girlfriend stay right here, and then leaves us and she's like, what he just said, He's going to go find his ex girlfriend. I was like, no, we don't do that. We're not about that energy. Don't worry about him or going to do our own thing. I'm adopting you and we're gonna be fine. And she was like, but all of my stuff is in his hotel room and I was like, it's okay, we're going to fig that out. And luckily we called the Uber from her phone, so we were able to contact the Uber driver later to get my phone. It was a whole mess, but you know, we were listening to Odessa and she was crying and I was like holding her, and I felt like I really stepped up to the plate to be the person that I would want to have around me in that moment of heartbreak and disappointment and just like this night not going as planned. But I felt like I was very firm in setting that boundary and realizing that this is not a healthy person and clearly drawing the line like no, we're not We're not meeting up with him again. We're going to figure out the situation tomorrow. You know, when she's sober and I can't babysit her all the time. But I did adopt her that night, and I was happy I did because it really showed me, like dang, like I am stepping up to the plate to be the friend that I would want in this situation. So that was a big moment for me, happy it happened, learned some lessons and set some boundaries. How can you trust to be vulnerable with men and dating now? It's difficult. I trust that not all men are pieces of u s. I have some experience now hanging out with healthy people and their boyfriends that there are good quality men out there, and it may just take some time and being honest and truthful to who I am and ending things when I feel like it's not going anywhere. I have to trust that there are good quality men out there that I can be vulnerable with. But I think the whole dating process for me right now is going to be vetting out these guys to find the one that I can feel my most vulnerable with and that I can live in the moment with and trust. Because I've gotten lost in relationships before, and I'm not saying that I'll get lost in this relationship again. But life is not easy, and I'm sure there are going to be really hard situations for me in the future that I'm going to have to deal with, and I'm going to need to lean on the people that are in my closest circle. So yeah, I would like to have someone who is trustworthy, who has integrity, who is a safe person, who can protect me and ensure that I am making good decisions for myself and it's supporting me in my decisions. And you know, I still want to be an independent person, but I think finding a I don't know why do I want to say soulmate because that just seems extreme, but like a mate to do life with, right, Yeah, Okay. How do you feel about Nick Vil's comments? Nick? Okay, Nick, So, I appreciate your interest in me coming onto your show. I feel like there's not really a point because I feel like I've pretty much addressed everything on my own podcast. I mean, I don't know what else he's saying about me, honestly, but I think he plays to the fans a lot, and he is there to create entertainment and he doesn't care how it affects his guests that come on. So that's not in alignment with my values, and so therefore I don't have an interest to come on right now? What steps are you taking to stop blaming yourself for things that are out of your control? Dang? The first step is acceptance, accepting the things that I cannot change, and then not only accepting it, but embracing it for what it is, and then understanding what I can change and being courageous enough to take action with that. And those are the steps. Yeah, it's total complete acceptance, and it's also having faith that everything is serving a purpose for my highest good. And I guess this question is specifically asking about how I'm stopping to blame myself for these things. I give myself grace. I understand that I'm a human and we are put on this earth to make mistakes, to learn from them and to grow from them. And so I stopped blaming myself by giving myself some grace. How are you able to lie for so long and not feel guilty? Oh, these questions, you guys putting me on the hot seat. I did feel guilty. I felt very, very guilty, so guilty that I was escaping from reality, which was further perpetuating this cycle because I felt guilty for my actions and I sought out solace from an individual that I should not have been putting so much power in this person's hands. And I was drinking so much alcohol to cope with that anxiety and that pain. And that may sound like an excuse to some of you guys, but that is the facts. And I don't think I necessarily had an alcohol problem. I'm not an alcoholic, but I was abusing alcohol hardcore. So that is why I've taken the steps to completely cut alcohol out of my life, because I'm able to think a lot clearer, and I've taken back my power to start making my own decisions and life and not letting other people run the show. Okay, how was I able to lie for so long? Though? That's a good question. I think I've gotten really good at masking my true emotions and not letting people see me for my full self. You know, growing up into young adulthood, I had this wall up, this wall of pleasant where I would I would show up with a smile on my face and I would make sure that I wasn't causing any anxiety for other people, so that that would cause, you know, like I felt safest showing up to social settings with a smile on my face, because that kept me safe in a way. But as I got older, I realized now that that is not helpful for me anymore. It may have been helpful for me as a child, but as an adult, it's actually hindering me. I do believe that I was able to lie for so long because I have been a master at masking my true emotion for so long. What wellness routines do you do for your mental health? Well, when I feel like I am feeling like I'm not grounded, I will practice breathing. Breathing is always a go to. You can never go wrong with breathing. Typically, you want to have your exhale be longer than you're inhale if you're trying to relax. And this helps me get back into my body. Feeling my fingertips, feeling my toes helps me as well. And naming different objects in the room keeps me in this room. Sounds bizarre, but it does help. Other wellness routine, I try to work out every day. Sometimes it doesn't happen, but I do love going for walks. I love going to yoga and pilates and hiking, and sometimes I'll call a friend and just pace around the house and sometimes I count that as cardio other wellness routines. Okay, so I've gotten back into crafting and arts and crafts was a big pillar in the Meadows structure. We had art therapy basically where a therapist would analyze your art, and it was cool there. There were like portals and certain meanings and having somebody analyze your art was I don't. I guess it like crimed me to create my own art and just like you know, let it go. Whatever happens will happen. And I'm not trying to achieve anything. I'm just gonna tear out what feels good to me and put it down on a board. And I've been able to analyze my art and I feel like that has reconnected me to my inner child the most out of everything that I've done, doing art has reconnected me to my inner child. So yeah, that's super exciting to know going forward in my life. So I highly recommend that. Oh, this next question is suiting too. Do you still want to work with kids? I I am not so sure anymore. I think that kids are a lot of work and they require a lot of patience, and I used to think that because I was a very patient person, that I could handle that job and I would be good at it and I would excel at it. And I also can empathize and understand where kids come from that have disabilities and learning disabilities because I have my own set of struggles and I figured out ways in my life that has helped me in my learning and me and my processing. So that was my whole motive behind pursuing occupational therapy, which is basically like play therapy for kids. It structured play therapy to work on gross motor skills and find motor skills like writing. And I did do an internship at a occupational therapy clinic in Beverly Hills and it was very cool. But as I'm getting older, because also it was like I decided this in college when I switched my major from physical therapy to occupational therapy, and I realized then that I love kids, and I felt like I was an adult for the first time. But now that I feel like I'm truly an adult, I feel like nurturing my inner child is all the kid playtime that I can handle. Right now, I feel more connected to adults, and after going through this major life experience, I feel like I have so much more wisdom and knowledge and literally experience that I think I want to pursue a career working with adults now. Yeah, so that's where I'm at. Do you regret anything? Yeah? I regret a lot, a lot, a lot, but also all of that I needed to experience in a way. But the part that I regret is hurting other people and neglecting other people's experience of how my behavior was impacting them. So that is the part that I regret the most. Okay, I feel like that's a good place to put a pen in this. There are still a ton of questions that you guys sent in and I do want to cover all of them, so we will come back for a part two. But in the meantime, just know that you are worthy, you are loved, and you deserve nothing but the best. Go out there and be your favorite self, and I love you and thank you for listening. Thank you so much for listening to Rachel Gos Rogue. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok for exclusive video content at Rachel Ghos Rogue Podcast