Rachel is getting ready to get back in the dating pool. It's time for her to face her past mistakes and see if she can do better.
This is Rachel Go's Rogue. Welcome back to another episode of Rachel Goes Rogue. This is your host, Rachel Savannah Levis, and I am getting back into the dating world. I'm hoping to manifest a fun summer fling with a good quality guy. I have my producers here and it's an exciting time.
So, Rachel, it's been a year, we're about to talk to a dating expert. How are you feeling about even just doing this interview and then and dating now?
I'm feeling ready today. Definitely. I feel like I've gotten my life in order enough where I'm open to that. I feel like it's time and I feel like summer is a fun season to do that. There's so many active to get involved with the hot weather, and yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
And what are you looking for and a guy to go around?
I'm looking for someone who is safe and reliable and emotionally mature, emotionally stable, and someone who's going to treat me right, fair enough.
All right, Well, let's get into it. Let's see.
I wanted to bring in a dating expert to guide me and this re entry into the dating world and to date in a healthy way. Hi Jake, Hi Rich, thanks for joining me today. I'm very excited to have you on as a guest.
Excited to be here, my friend.
I've been following you on social media and seeing some of your your clips. You've been posting your relationship advice, and I love how you're like, give me a call, you know, we could talk about it. Love that.
Yeah, I want to help as many table as I can.
So you have a book out It's called How to Achieve a ten out of ten Relationship? What is considered a ten out of ten relationship?
To you, it's basically, I would say, basically a perfect relationship. Now, okay, saying that rache the word perfect kind of gets a bit of a bad rap. People look at it as a negative thing and nothing can be perfect, blah blah blah blah. How I see perfect as I would say, there's no room for improvement, Like you look at it and go, I wouldn't want to change it. It seems absolutely incredible to me. That's that's a ten out of ten.
Are you in a ten out of ten relationship right now?
And yeah?
Of course? Okay, okay, so you're speaking from experience, Yeah, that's incredible. I think a ten out of ten relationship for me in that type of way would be like growing together and helping each other grow together as a unit. And you know, I haven't been in one of those types of relationships before or yet, but I'm definitely like looking into manifesting, like a fun summer fling that could lead to something more serious. But right now, I'm kind of like dating to expand my own experience and to learn more about myself.
But good good, You don't know how value dates?
Yeah, well, uh yeah, I would love to go on a high value date since my last dating experience, I took a year off and I got back into dating, but I was only dating one person and they were high value dates. But maybe you can explain what a high value date is to the listener, But you know, I was just dating one person, and I was also wondering from your perspective as a dating coach, I've heard other dating coaches talk about having few people that you date in the beginning and having kind of like this Olympic lineup your first and third place contenders, and then once you figure out who this person is and how you feel around them, then you can choose to make it exclusive. So what are your thoughts on all that.
Yeah, you can kind of have a roster. So I recommend by about the third date you're exclusive with somebody. But before that third date, you can talk to multiple people at once. So a normal person probably talks about maybe five people at once without getting the stories confused. If you just talk to one person once, it may take years to find your ideal partner. But if you have a bit of a roster and then you'd swap them off. Now you don't and to sleep with all five people. You don't even actually go on dates. It's more just talking to them and seeing which one's a good match kind of a thing. Yeah, that's the key. Now, what a high value date is four parts to a high vay date. All right, Now, it's very important you don't to do high value high value dates, Rachel, properly. So guys see you as a high value woman, They see you as a better viable option to marry and all that sort of stuff. Now, a high value date, basically, in a nutshell, means a decent amount of effort. So I want a guy to put in a decent amount of effort if he wants to see you. Now, so the four parth. The first part, he'll ask you on a date, and he'll pick you up, open the car door for you, do all this chivalry stuff, right, And then usually I recommend it's doing some sort of fun activity. Now, a fine activity can be basically anything. It can be mini pipe part, it can be going on a boat, it could be any anything, million different fund activities. And then he takes you out to dinner. Okay, it pulls out your chair for you. You have a beautiful evening. He's a good conversationalist, he pays for everything, okay, and then he takes your home and hopefully he did a good enough job that you want to kiss him.
Okay. In my recovery, right because I spent some time at a treatment facility to work on you know, the love addiction and falling too fast for a person without getting to know them first and with like a dating plan. I guess we're advised not to kiss on the first date. And maybe this is like advice to someone that falls too quickly. But what are your thoughts on that? I see you're shaking your head.
Now, we can't let fear derive our future. Okay, we got to We got to do things the right way. But at the same time we're too scared of love and we put too many walls up. It's never going to happen. So there's nothing wrong with fall in love. We just got to do with the right person. We want to fall in love. Being love is fantastic at Jimmy and Tanner Ten's the best thing anyone can achieve, but we just want to do it at the right pace. So definitely want to kiss on the first date. If you got a fantastic, beautiful, romantic date, the guy goes in for a kiss and you do this, he's gonna go Okay, no worries, he's not calling again. There's no way why it's such a such a huge rejection. Okay, you gotta you gotta not let fear run your life. That's that's it's a key to failure.
Okay. Maybe then before committing to like a full on date like that where it's an activity and a dinner, I would probably want to get to know somebody like on more of a personal friendship level. I think doing a fun activity is awesome and definitely like a good way to get to know somebody that's a little bit more casual, and you know, I don't know, like I want to be able to see how this person interacts with their friends. So I feel like group dates are a good idea or just no. Okay, you're shaking your head no again, So why not a group date environment?
It takes away the spock of romance? Okay, we got to do it properly, right. If you're holding yourself back too many, too many times, which I feel like you're doing, the romance is never gonna happen. There's gonna be no spock, there's gonna be no chemistry ignited. It's just it's supposed to be romantic. Yeah, we can be afraid of romance.
Well, I guess I kind of am a little afraid of romance.
What's the worst case in the career?
The worst case scenario for me would be falling in love with somebody that I don't someone who's not a good quality person yep, and getting attached.
Yeah, it's an important thing to realize. It takes a lot more than love to make a relationship work. Okay, So even if you do fall in love with somebody, you have to fall out of love with them if they're the wrong person. Okay, loving someone or not loving someone as somewhat of a choice. It may not be an immediate choice what you can feel, but you definitely can try and master those emotions. Okay. Mastering emotions is a fairly large part of achieving a ten out of ten relationship because your emotions lead a lot of people on the wrong path, fall in love with the wrong people, give people too many chances, make excuses for bad people, date lo vay people, day down, all this sort of stuff. Yeah, it's pretty common. But if you master your emotions, so your emotions work for you, you're in control. You lead the journey. So you go, well, I don't care, I'm going to do actions over emotions. I'm going to choose who I want to be were We're going to choose the best option. But then also fall in love with the right person. Really make that intentional decision. You're in control of who you get attached to. So a lot of girls think if they sleep with a guy one time, that they're going to be instantly attached and then they can't break free from this guy. Not the case. You definitely can. Okay, Yes, you may feel hurt emotions, but you don't have to let that ruin your life. That's just part of being a human for sure.
I think for me, like falling into the unhealthy patterns and you know, really making this person in the center of my universe has been something that i've I'm more prone to do and so for me, there is that little fear piece that I will continue to do that.
Yep, there's one solution I teach Rachel for cleaning type people because I was like that as well. It's called time over time. So what I teach in the first month of dating somebody, you see them once a week for the first month, maxillum. That's it. So you may go on a date with them on Saturday night or something if they want to see you any other night. You're going, Nah, I'm busy, I'm doing my hobbies, I'm going to do this, I'm doing that, I'm doing this, I'm hanging out with my sister. You know, I'm busy, but I'd love to see you on Saturday, just for the first month. It's called time over time. You can talk every day, Johnny can see each other once a week.
Okay, Yeah, I feel like that's hard too, because when you do enjoy somebody and you want to hang out with them again because you enjoy their company. It's hard to set that boundary for yourself and follow that through. But if you're taking it seriously and know that, like, all right, there's something to this and it's going to protect myself in the long run, then I think that's really good advice.
And a big part of mastering their own emotions is getting really good at setting boundaries with yourself. You know, super super super important. Anyone listening, I want you to really practice that time and of a time part is super important because how you feel about the person and what you know about them logically needs to go up at the same pace. If you see someone every day for the first two weeks, how you feel about them's up here, but what you know about them is down here. If you only see them once a month, it's reverse, which is no good either. Once a week seems to be a pretty good pace to feel and know about them logically about the same pace, so very important.
What kind of questions should you be asking on dates to get to know somebody quicker?
Yeah, ideally dates are supposed to be light and fluffy, okay, so no deeper meaningful conversations no hard questions. Then it's about having fun, billy attraction, embracing masculine femine energy, billing attraction, making memories, stuff like that. It should be really light and fluffy. So basically we just want to let let go on the date, have a good time, let the conversation flow naturally. You don't want to go on a date with a whole bunch of preconceived questions, hard questions, trying with the purpose of getting to know them, because that's not the reason we go on dates. The reason we go on dates is mainly just to have fun, not to get to know anybody, not to see if they're your ideal partner. That stuff's going to happen organically all our purposes. We've got to stay on the purpose. So I'm just going to go and have fun. That's it. So I take my wife a data every week, and my purpose is still just to have fun. It's not to get to know her more. It's just to have fun. In having fun and doing activities and going down to dinner and do all that sort of stuff. You'll just naturally the other stuff will take care of itself.
Okay, you're familiar with Rachel's television background right in Rachel's situation. While the rest of us were able to make mistakes and do things, she did hers live on TV and the two most known relationships were extremely toxic. Is there a type person that attracts that kind of a guy. Rachel's been working on herself tremendously.
I can't help but wonder the guys that are the not nice guys, that are the controlling guys, etc. Do they seek out a tape and are there things that you can give Rachel as far as tips for things for her to look out for.
Yeah, what I'm saying, great question, and yes they certainly do. Now, you guys probably can think of some women who never fall in with a bad crowd. They never hang out with any guys who are assholes. They they always their life goes really really well. Okay. Then there's other girls who they go through twenty boyfriends, all of them are absolutely terrible. She goes through abuse, all this really horrific rrific stuff. But it's also a pattern. She's in, this just pattern, this cycle which keeps going and going and going. You can see some key differences sometimes in their behavior, often a lack of confidence, fear, securities, low self esteem, low self worth, all those type things. Guys who are snakes or overly controlling, abusive type people. They don't like people who have high self esteem by self worth because they know they can't really get anywhere with that particular person. Okay, So ideally, if you want to achieve a ten out of ten, you've got to kind of become what you want to attract, which means good confidence, self esteem, self worth, get rid of any overthinking self sabotaging fears, insecurities, things of that nature, building yourself up. There's lots of things that I do to help people do this. It's very very important. But then what we're looking for as well. If you're a single female right now, you want to find a guy who's masculine. Right, what does that mean? A lot of girls see masculine men as the egotistical, arrogant, controlling, abusive type guy. Right, that's quite the opposite of what masculine energy really is. Masculine energy is about being good with leadership, ambition, decisiveness, protection, things like that. A masculine guy's very solid, reliable, he's not going to let you down. He has high integrity, he says what he means, means what he says, stuff like that you're always finding guys really solid, not flashy, not flashy, but very solid and reliable, consistent. Yeah, does that make sense?
Yeah?
What about what tips can you give Rachel too?
Like it's because the things that you're talking about do take work, right, like not being insecure, not putting out those kind of vibes.
What are other things that you can encourage her?
Yeah for sure. So there's there's two main parts to improving yourself as a person. You've got internal and external motivators. Internal motivators are things we say to ourselves, Okay, affirmations, reassurance, things of that nature. Okay, the words we say to ourselves are very important. Now, external motivators are also really important. The people you hang out with, is your top five friends? What hobbies do you do? How's work going? How are you going with your environment? You're a media environment, your home, your office, all that sort of stuff. Is it really in good nature? Hows your health and fitness? All those type of things. And then some other things which make a really really big difference to our own mental strength and mental health are things like social hobbies. Okay, so I recommend everyone does two social hobbies per week. Okay, I love doing karate, but there's tons of social hobbies, but there's got to be social. That's the really really important part. Also recommend hot and cold therapy, so do an ice bas twice a week, sauns twice a week. If you mix all that together with really meticulously going through every external motivator your home, your friends, the people in your life, getting rid of anything that's toxic only letting in the good stuff, it's going to make a big difference. Mixed with saying the right things to yourself and ambitious chasing goals and doing hard challenges and then a letting fear hold your back, it's a good way to improve really fast.
Okay. Yeah. And with the social hobbies, are you're doing it for yourself, You're not doing it to meet someone.
No, The chance of meeting someone out of social hobby is pretty slim. It's not impossible, but it's pretty rare. It's manly just for you. It's mainly for you to grow as a person, become more interesting person, and be part of a community, very very important for human beings.
Okay, great, Yeah, I would say my social hobbies are dancing. I love ballroom dancing, I love lane country dancing. And then what else? I love hiking with my friends. I feel like that's a social hobby because we're talking while we're hiking. And what else? I feel like there's another one. I'm considering getting into golf or tennis or pick a ball this summer good could be fun. But right now I'm not on dating apps and I don't have an interest to get on them. What is the best way to meet someone when, like you know, I'm also not going to bars and I'm not drinking out socially, So where do I need to position myself to find somebody that's worthy of dating.
It's going to be very hard not using that in apps it is. It's going to be It's going to be challenging, not impossible. I say, the open all possibilities. So look, you may meet your ideal planner at a cafe, or at a sport or a social hobby or walking on the street. It's possible. But if you want to go to approach, you the cold approach. So it's just called cold approach, which we used to do fifteen years ago, and you just walk up to a pretty goal and you start talking. It's not really a thing that much anymore because social media has kind of killed it. Not social media, so online dating, because online dat has made it very easy for men, So we don't want to do the cold approach anymore because it's embarrassing. If you want to go to do the cold approach, then you really got to shine super bright, like a sunplower basically, which are a lower him in, but you're really going to shine really bright, so really embracing that feminine energy and really shining. Online dating so much easier, Rachel, So much easy.
Okay, I don't know, maybe we could have a conversation about this, because yeah, I've been very anti online dating because well I was on this reality TV show and I don't know, I just don't want to meet random people and then just like judging them based off of a profile photo and it just seems very I don't, I don't know, I just haven't really considered it as a serious option. But I guess like in today's day and age, that is the norm. And maybe that also explains why typically, like the guy will come up to me and you know, ask me on a date, and that's how I get into a dating experience, and I feel like, now that I realize that I'm attracting narcissistic men, maybe that's not the best scenario because the narcissistic men are probably more likely to ask you on a date in person than Oh yeah, a normal regular guy.
I value masculine, solid eyes. They're not looking to pick chicks up on the street. They're busy working their goals, their hobbies, their ambitions, living their life to the fullest, and they see a pretty good like, oh that's cool, and that's where the thought stops. That's what's really good about online dating, Rangel. It puts the pa in your hands. See all these guys throughout your life, probably they have chosen you, but you haven't chosen them. With online dating, you're doing the choosing. So it puts the power back in your hands and you can be a lot more picky. It kind of works the same as social media. So I imagine on Instagram or whatever, you probably get asked out sometimes by guys or they hit you up on stuff like that.
No, but I have a more female following, so guys are not in my dms.
Okay, I'll find that hard to believe. I'm sure there's some surely, but okay, it's.
Like a little trickle, like not even a sprinkle, just a little strip.
Okay, surprising. Okay, So look, online dating is good just because it puts a power in your hands and can be really picky. So even I'll help you make your profile one day if you want me to. But just on the hinge, okay, set all your stuff right, nice photos. You don't even have to go on any dates. Reach just when you see a nice guy and he talks to you, you talk back. You have a bit of a conversation. See if you want to do a phone call. Phone call goes well. See if you want to do a FaceTime that goes well, Then he takes you out on a nice day after that, if you want to super easy.
You mentioned earlier that dating is supposed to be the first dates are supposed to be more fluff, right, But online dating seems a little bit more technical to me because you know, and I mean just being really honest, and I'm a different generation than you guys, and that connection at the beginning was what made you go to the next level with somebody write some sort of a feeling, which I don't think you'd get online.
But that's my generation.
But I have a lot of friends and people that are online dating, and they experience a lot of fakeness. You know, the guy says there's something or whatever, and then when they get together it's completely different, you know. And so for somebody like Rachel, who's really you know, she's actually very open minded. She's not like a lot of women that are like, oh, I'm looking for my soulmate. I think she would much rather spend her time with people of value that will eventually.
Lead to that.
But she's also open. She's young and fun and you know, would like a nice date too. But I think there needs to be some sort of advice where you can, you know, rift through or cross out some of these people. So I think it's it's hard for me to hear you say the dating's supposed to be light and fluffy, but yet how much time do you invest? And then you said by the third date you should know if you're exclusive, Like I believe you don't know somebody till a year in So I mean seriously, like, yeah, think you do, but in a year all the guards go down, right, So what can what tips, like really hard tips can you give Rachel to say, Okay, if you're you're going to give online beating a try, like, how do you balance Oh this is late and fluffy yet trying to screen out some of the time wasters.
So yes, it is. It is fairly technical and logical going through online dating. It's kind of like shopping online shopping basically, and it kind of does take the romance out of a little bit. But what you're doing is say you have, say Rachel easily will have a thousand matches, right, She's going to have to get rid of a lot of garbage. They'd be lessons zero one percent of people who she actually wants to talk to. But that's okay, that's just how it works. It's just a snapshot of your community. So if you did a whole snapshot of every guy within one hundred miles, that's everyone you're going to see. So it's a lot of people. So the majority of people you're just not going to be attracted to. You got to swipe through them through and from then eventually a guy talks to you and you're like, okay, this guy to see he's pretty good. It seems like a high a person, good looking. Then the conversation starts, and then you can be light and fluffy. Okay, it's about it's kind of a necessary thing these days, and you're kind of looking at something thinking, well, it's not as romantic as it used to be. Perhaps, I think it's more logical these days, which is better. What I see a lot of people in the past doing is getting to relationships with people based on proximity and looks, not based on anything real, okay, which is unwise. So you meet someone at a bar, go, oh, yeah, this person's good looking. I might go and date them. And you're not a good match at all. Okay. So what you're looking for with your ideal partner is chemistry, compatibility X factor and can they do the job? And also what you want to do as well, as you spend some time making a good ideal partinal list as well, so you know exactly what you're looking for, and then you go out there dating and having fun and keeping the dates light and fluffy. But in the back of the mind you still have the goal, okay, the goal of finding your ten out of ten, but that's not at the forefront now. I know some people think the generations has changed and online dating is for a lot of young people. The majority of people I coach over fifty and they all achieve ten out of ten on Tinder and hinge Tinder.
Really wow? Okay, yeah, I mean the last time I had dating apps was in college.
So it does work, Rachel, and I don't want fear to hold you back. Okay, you can achieve a ten out ten. You can achieve a ten out ten this year if you're open to it.
Well, I guess two questions like, is it going to be weird if I'm like swiping on profiles and then somebody does see me in person or I see them in person?
Well, what's it? What's it right now? When you're on the street and someone says, oh, Rachel, I know you and they talk to you, how does it feel? It's sometimes a bit weird? Yeah, for sure, for sure, same the same sort of thing. It's not I wouldn't ever think it. It's not something to be impressed about because it's not a bad thing. A lot of people have this idea that online Danny's evil and bad and you're a bad person and a slot and all this sort of stuff. It's a lot of negative rubbish, and people go, well, there's fake profiles and scammers and narcissists and blah blah blah blah blah. There's people like that everywhere. It's just you're you're seeing it more because it's right in front of you on your screen. Okay, but you don't have to engage with those people. No, no, no, no, no, just get rid of the garbage fast. That's all.
My family is telling me now that the best way to date somebody is through like a friend referral or for like, through family friends. And you're shaking your head, no, why not.
Statistically it just doesn't work. So friends setting you up. So I've coached thousands of people, reached nine to nine point nine percent of the cheap talent and use online dating, and a few people have done it organically and almost no one has done it via friends. I'll try to put an analogy. You've got to you know, when you're choosing what pizza you want to eat, you have to choose what pizza you want to eat. If your friends pick what pizza you want to eat, it may not be exactly what you want. Okay, you really have to do the choosing. That's the key to finding your ideal partner. It's someone if you could pick out of ten thousand people who you want to spend the rest of your life with the next fifty years, who you want to spend with, you want to give that option to somebody else. You want to go through them and go really meticulously, go this is the person I want to spend the next fifty years with. Don't let someone else choose.
Okay, So, on this online dating app, I'm assuming you're not just going by looks. Is there like something that you look in a hinge profile for when you're.
You don't want to be too over anaical with just looking at their profile, so it kind of is based on looks in the first ten minutes, just to see if there's just some sort of mutual attraction. Then you might read his profile and then start talking to him and just see how the conversation goes, and then just go with the flow. Just have a more of just see what happens type attitude. Talk to them, see what happens, go with the flow, and if there's good compatibility, that conversation will flow really well. You start talking about goals with that up and you learn a bit more about them, and then it just flows from there. It's best not to overthink it too much.
This thing about you know, by the third date you should be exclusive? I just I can't.
I mean, you'd have to really know somebody in three dates to not want to date other people or make some sort of a commitment to somebody.
Why do you feel, like, how do you feel that happens?
And why do you feel that after three dates you wouldn't want to be exclusive with somebody?
Yeah? So I think it's what's best first to define what the difference between exclusive and official is. So exclusive just simply means you're just not seeing anybody else, that's all, okay, sub By a third date, you're going to be sleeping with the person you're dating and talking to them every day and creating the early stages of a relationship, building the foundation if you will.
Wait, did you say you are sleeping with them by the third data? You're wow?
Okay, yeah, of course. So it simply just means you're just not seeing anybody else. That's all it means. That's it, You're not there's no commitment. You're just going You're going to give you a gift exclusivity. So you're going to say something like, hey, look, I just want to let you know I really like you. I'd leave the dating apps. I'm just talking to you. You're the only person I want to talk to. I think you're great. That's it. You just give your gift exclusivity. You're not a boyfriend girlfriend, you're not official. You're just you're just not seeing anybody else, that's all. So you're just devoting your time to that one person while still living a great life that you already live. Okay, so you don't want to lose yourself in the process. You're still going to do your social hobbies, You're still going to do your time over time properly. It'still got to live your life. You just met an awesome person you want to start sharing time with official. You usually become official with someone around the eight week mark. Okay, now this is going to seem faster you guys as well. But eight weeks is where you say I love you and you become boyfriend girlfriend.
Okay. If you heard a noise, I just fell off my chair.
But okay, I.
Just I'm speechless on that one.
I feel I mean, Okay, first of all, from a female's perspective, are you working mostly with men or female. And I asked that question because I would think that most women, and Rachel tell me, if you think I'm right or wrong on this, don't want to sleep with somebody on the third date because whether how they're going to feel about themselves and how other people are going to judge them. So, you know, if you're just freely sleeping around with people on a third date, that just seems And I'm not even.
That old fashion of a girl.
I may be old, but I'm not that old fashioned, and I'm not saying that sometimes it's not just for fun, right, But I'm saying if you're like a one night's stand, everybody's done that, right. But what I am saying is if you are sort of dating to get to know people, and to sleep with somebody on the third date, seems a little bit quick.
Because I don't know, Rachel, what do you think?
I agree? Yeah, I mean there's a difference with intentionality of like seeing someone and knowing like the expectations of that relationship and that it's more of like a situationship and being clear with that, and then like dating to be in a committed relationship and taking that process a little bit more seriously but also having fun with it. I definitely wouldn't sleep with someone on the third date, especially because you know, I already have a reputation. I don't need people making assumptions about, you know, me being easy. And I definitely want to know somebody well enough to know that like, yeah, I don't know, Like I would have to definitely feel safe with them and feel like they're also not going to sleep around on me before taking that stuff.
Yeah, and to your point, Rachel, too, I feel like the challenge is women put and even the most secure women put a certain amount of their self worth on sexuality. And so if you if you sleep with somebody on the third date and they dog you and disappear, right, because it just seems.
Like that because the guys online that just want to date to hook up, right, Okay, what are your thoughts on all of this?
Guys? What's full of the negativity and shame around sex? What what are you doing? Look at look at this. You're literally tying your self worth to sex. What what is that? That's terrible to do? You're acting like you're a commodity like a drama oil and you got to run out. That's your self worth isn't tied to being intimate with people. That is so such a shameful negative view to have on sex. That's so sad. It makes me really sad to see when girls have this attitude around sex, which I were toward from a young age. Sex is bad. If you sleep with someone, you're a slut. Blah blah blah blah. Does that sound good to you, guys?
That? Unfortunately, that is the world that we live in. The amount of times that I've been called the.
World you want to live?
No, that is not good.
You guys care too much about what others think about you. That's the problem. It's not the world you're allowing yourself to be shamed by others, okay, instead of being liberate, liberated and living in your own freedom, you care what other people think of you. It's not the world you're live in, okay. It's the world you're allowing people in your life, allowing people to shame you, which is absolutely ridiculous.
I do agree that it is an empowerment thing right to make those choices, and a security thing. However, society still does shame women, and it's much more acceptable for a man to sleep with as many people as they want than a woman. And then in Rachel situation in particular, I'm living her life in the public and do it. The amount of hate mail and death threats and the you know, the the vileness that people put on her, including on her own show, right so right there with the cast all the way out to the millions of fans that reached out was vile and in reality, in her entire time on that show, which was over six year or seven years, she slept with two people. So like, that's not even a big deal, right, She's twenty somethings. She slept with two people, and everybody's making her out to be a slut. So to say that that's not the world we live in. I agree with you that words are words, and what you allow people to say or call you, that's up to you, right when you give them the power. But they're nobody can nobody can say that what she didn't go through, which was horror, horrific of people judging her and shaming her and to date still emailing her, shaming her.
For being a lad when she's lived with two guys in seven years.
Yeah, there's a lot of heightas out there. There's a lot of heights out there. I don't think the solution to avoid hate is to live in fear and hide under a rock and not live your life to the fullest and let the power of other people's words hold you back from living a full life, which I think you're doing.
Sure for sure. In my program, right, they say not to sleep with somebody until like at least the two month mark. And I tried this dating experience with the new person that approached me and asked me on a date. I intentionally wanted to take it slow because in the past, I you know, it was like a one night stand with James that turned into something more. And then with Tom it was like it was a secret relationship that I I was, you know, thinking with my heart and not logically, and I wanted to have sex and we did so, so it's maybe it's like a balancing act of like, Okay, that may be a little extreme to wait three months before sleeping with somebody, but it did allow us to like get to know each other on a deeper level, and I do enjoy deep conversations. There was like a true connection there and it was hard to abstain. But he is Christian, I'm not seeing him anymore, but like he was kind of like, okay, this, this is in alignment with my values, so he was kind of all for it. But like we also had a conversation about practicing safe sex before actually doing it.
Are you still seeing this guy now, I'm not. No, didn't work. He's just not near the.
One or he told me one thing and his actions were different. I asked him not to post on social media because it was too soon in the relationship. We were dating for a month.
A month is too soon for social media.
Right, Yeah, So when I went to Stagecoach for the weekend, he updated his Facebook profile photo to picture of us, and the media caught wind of that, and it was just this whole thing. I had to end it, and it was hot, you know. It was sad because we had a good connection and good like conversation and he was emotionally stable and emotionally intelligent obviously, like those are standard things, but those were new things for me to experience, and it just seemed like maybe he either had an impulse control issue because we agreed not to do that, or he wanted to post to like show me off.
Maybe, But either way, if you guys agreed not to do what he definitely shouldn't have done it. That's it's not good.
Yeah, that's another thing that's a little special to Rachel, or not just Rachel, but anybody that's in the limelight. You know, the problem is if you're me and I date and break up and date and break up or whatever, you know, day as many people as are, nobody's watching me and caring. When you're in the public eye, it's extra judgmental, right, and it's extra hurtful. And I hear you a lot unclear about the empowerment of yourself and you're giving that power away. But at the end of the day, you know, it's a pretty it's a harsh place to be. And so I think, you know, time and choices, and look at what I do for a living is try to shelter those truths from the the outward eyes. But you know, the outward eyes find a way to find out. So I do feel when you're in the public eye you have to make a little bit smarter, calculated choices because then you get publicly shamed in the media, which is different from the average person.
It's true, that is true, And then.
One thing that I find interesting is you know, on one hand with you, you seem you know, you are, like you said, that light and fluffy feeling getting to know people like kind of the natural. But on the other hand, you are using a lot of methodology right in You've got some timing things and some benchmarks, and so maybe explain that sort of dichotomy. And look, everything's a dichotomy really right, Like there is no one it's one perfect solution. It's a combination of all those things.
But because back in the day there was a book called The Rules. I was telling Rachel about this the other day.
Do you know that book, Jake, not? Oh my gosh, Okay, you should look at it for what you do, because of something you said earlier about like the saturdays only being available to Saturdays. The Rules was this whole thing about not being available, not letting because the chase there is still I mean, maybe I should ask you do you believe the chase is still a valid thing, that men enjoy the chase.
To a certain degree, But you don't want to You don't want apply too hot to get because any cre it's a game and it's not real band. So it's good of you create a little bit of chase, but not too much, so you can play a little bit hard to get, But some girls play too hard to get and just it just a high day of guy just goes ah, he doesn't waste the time. If a girl is too much hard work a high day, you go, I'll go, what the hell, Nah, I'm out of here, and he'll just and he won't talk to you.
I mean, you agreed that a month was too soon to post on social media? How long would you eat?
Eight to twelve weeks usually probably longer for a celebrity rage because there's a different sort of circumstances, But even one month for a normal person, that's way too fast because you're really telling the whole world that you're with that person. One month in that's too fast. Eight weeks would be the absolute minimum.
M m.
Yeah.
And then Jake, you mentioned eight weeks that you tell me what eight weeks was again?
Yeah, eight weeks is for official saying I love you, who become a boyfriend, girlfriend, just that sort of thing.
Yeah, okay, and then what would you say your next benchmark is before you actually get.
Married, six months, six to nine months where you move in together. Now just to clarify as well. I usually recommend the woman moves into the man's house, or you get a whole new house together. I don't recommend allowing the man to move into.
Your home, okay. And the reasoning.
Masculine feminine energy. So when a man moves into a woman's house, he feels less masculine, he feels like the guest in her home. She becomes the masculine energy and the leader. And unless the couple's really good with masculine energy, I've seen it destroy a lot of attraction very quickly. Unfortunately.
Do you think some of that is insecurity from the guy's perspective, I'd.
Probably call it biology, a's of biology which are insecure and jealous. Probably, yep. But it's kind of how human beings are, I suppose to a certain degree.
And the six to nine months like what do you why? Why do you pick those numbers?
What's the just statistically? Statistically and things will work really well. So when you meet your ideal partner, each step in the timeline, you'll feel a need to take the next step. Okay, So in other words, at the six month mark, you'll love this person so much you'll go I can't live without them. I need to see them every day. Like you have that urge inside you emotionally, so you take that next step. It's what I call emotional decisions.
Are there specific red flags to look out for when dating or what are your major red flags that you talk to your scients about.
Yeah, so you don't want to be too much of a red flag hunter. But some bad red flags you want to look out for. You don't really want to look for them. They should come to you pretty easily, should have to see them. But they're things like if a guy has a lack of integrity, so integrity, like this last guy out of lack of integrity. Guys with integrity they mean what they say and they say what they mean. Okay, So a guy has a lack of integrity, that's a very bad sign. He wants to be he needs to be masculine and solid okay, reliable. Also it helps if they're a great communicator okay, good effect of communication, and they're forward focused. Okay. When people are too focused on the past, it's quite unattractive. There's a lot more to it. But I don't want you to be too much of a red flag hunter.
Okay, My therapist would uh, I mean she she says like yellow flags, she'll flag things as like when it comes up, once you yellow flag it and get more information to see if it's a red flag or if it's more complicated, and actually, okay, okay, yeah, I think you.
Have to remember in Rachel's situation again, where all the rest of us could make as many mistakes as we wanted to make in our twenties, Rachel was held accountable for everything and blasted and publicized and everything else. And so I think she's you know, this is nothing to say with her maturity or mental level, but I think she's got to kind of go back to some of those things to experience that you know, we got to do freely and she didn't. But what would you tell women are things that a high value guy is looking for?
A high value master man wants a feminine woman super easy, okay. A feminine woman is nurturing, she's caring, she's supportive, she's joyous, okay, she's somewhat not completely but somewhat has mastered her emotions. Doesn't live in fear okay. And feminine energy also doesn't live in the past. It lives in the present. Okay, feminine energy is now being energy. It's about the present. Masculine energy can somewhat be about the future and progression, but feminine energy is very much about the present. It's not about the past living in fear. It's not too much about living in the future either. It's more about the now. Okay, that's what men find very attractive in women. It changes how you see them at different stages. But you should see these traits immediately, even before you meet.
So if you don't, and that's kind of where too, the question of like the three date thing comes up. What happens if you don't feel like you know the person well enough and the you know three date worlds. You have exceptions to your.
Rules, maybe a little bit. But say you go on three dates with someone you're not really sure whether you want to stop seeing other people. They're probably just not your ideal partner. It's probably not a strong enough X factor in there. So you've got chemistry. You want to read their close if youel the compatibility conversations going well. The X factor is that Disney does your soul, Cubian Zara, whatever you want to call it. That magic in the air, it should it it's that's the progressor in relationships. It keeps you looking forward and looking for the next step. If it's not really there and you're like, they're probably just not your.
Ideal partner, okay, yeah, so then you can make decisions pretty quickly and be like okay, no, like.
If it's very yeah, if it's very easy to stick to my timeline and you're like, no, rush, I don't really feel like that. Maybe maybe next month they're not your ideal partner. With your ideal partner, the X factor is so strong that it's quite hard to stick to the timeline. So even though eight weeks you go eight weeks, that's so fast to say I love you to somebody with your ideal and all the keys there and it's absolutely perfect. It's actually quite hard to wipe that long.
Okay, So is three dates the maximum you should be with someone you're unsure about.
If you're not sure you want to be with them by the third or fourth day, it's probably not a good match. You should go, yeah, this person's really, really, really good. I definitely like seeing them a lot.
Okay, it's hard for me not to have a fear based mindset, and I apologize for being in that place. No, I don't apologize for being in that place because it's it's a trauma response. I've been through traumatic relationships where I've lost myself. And the thing that was so attractive to me was that X factor what you're describing that like, oh my gosh, this is how I feel around this person. And I felt like I was living in the moment, where before I was living in the past or living too far in the future. Sure, I felt like, oh my gosh, this is what it feels like to live in the moment and to really enjoy that and to like, you know, it really broad in my perspective on all of it, that was the most unhealthy relationship. And maybe you know, I take responsibility in my part for not having firm boundaries and like, no, you're not an available man, and I need somebody who is available to me, And so I can give myself a little bit of reassurance dating now and knowing that I have my values in alignment and it's gonna be okay. But right now I feel like I need to date to get to know somebody, to know that they are worth me letting go and I can trust them so that I can live in the moment. You know, does that make sense, because like I, yeah, I need to vet somebody out. I need to get to know them so that I know that they're a reliable person for me to live in the moment and I can trust that they have, you know, my best interest. And it's it's a a you know, it goes both ways in that way.
Yeah. Yeah, the masculine femin energy. He really leans on each other. Really well, have you ever considered that what you did in the past wasn't wrong, just maybe the person you were doing it with was wrong? For sure, it seems like you buy me yourself a little bit for the things that you did wrong, But it kind of doesn't sound like you've done much wrong. Rage Maybe it was he was just an asshole.
Yeah, yeah, well it felt like it really it felt like a relationship. It felt like we were doing all the right things, like we would travel a man's family, Like, huh, I was Maybe.
You were doing everything right. A girls Girls seem to get in this mindset where they blame themselves as something goes wrong. They look at all the things they did and they go, well, I did this wrong, this wrong. Maybe it was the guy maybe it was just the wrong person. It clearly was the wrong person for you. He clearly was an ideal partner. Yeah, I'll put it this way. If you do absolutely everything right that I teach, very meticulously, logically, do it exactly right with the wrong person, you're one hundred percent fail. If you do fifty percent on what I do of what I say with the right person, you'll be in a ten out of ten. The person is the important part of erche, and it sounds like you've got this history of wrong guys. Really, another question I want to ask you, how do you want to feel tomorrow? So there's seventy six main emotions, right, lots of different emotions to choose from. How do you want to.
Feel tomorrow generally? Or if we're eating somebody, No, just in general. Well, I want to feel safe, I want to feel loved. I want to feel a part of a community, like a sense of belonging.
Ye.
I want to feel optimistic for my future and connected. I want to feel like I'm protected and a lot of that is now spiritual for me, and like creating that connection to my higher power and and having faith that like everything is working out in my favor.
And how much better does that feel? Rachel. Yeah, this is called focus on what you want to achieve and steady what you want to avoid. See, what are this fear you're experiencing Earlier in the call, You're looking at all the stuff you want to avoid, all the parts of the parts of your past, past, past, past, past, past, past, past. The past is gone. We only have tomorrow and now the past. We can't do anything about the past. Okay. The other thing to remember as well, we can go through traumatic experiences without having trauma. We can let it go. Yes, it's difficult, but we've got to let ourselves do that, okay, And that's when we focus on what we want to achieve now. So tomorrow I want to be enthusiastic and loved and saved and feeling awesome. That's having that emotional goal. So a good thing I get everyone to do before we go to bed, write down how you want to feel tomorrow. Have that emotional goal in place, and then subconsciously you'll start making efforts logically on how to achieve that actual emotional goal of how you actually do want to feel. That's one of the first steps of mastering your emotions. Just deciding, just deciding what you want to feel and going, you know what, No, I don't want to feel fearful. I want to feel enthusiastic. That's the first step at really mastering your emotions. We're going, you know what, my emotions work for me, another way around anymore.
Jake, let's talk about love bombing. You said something love bombing is a sign of emotional immaturity, and Rachel did experience that with I beg to say three people.
Yeah, yeah, So love bombing is super common. It's just a sign of immaturity. Super common. Teenage boys, teenage girls, they do it all the time. It's just it's just a sign of immaturity. The difference between love bombing and what's genuine love bombing is future focused. So it's someone saying, oh, I can't wait to marry you and they just met you, Like it's very very future focused. Genuine love interests. They're talking about how much they like you, but it's in the present, so they're talking about, you know, you're so beautiful, I can't wait taking a date next week, Like they're talking fairly present terms. Love bonging is just overly future focused, just a sign of immaturity. But if a guy is doing lots of love blobing behavior, he's also dangerous, so you want to avoid that guy.
Yeah, dangerous in the way that they can be manipulative.
Correct, they can. And people who are overly immature are also unpredictable and dangerous as well because they have the role of foster emotions and they act kind of crazy and toxic sometimes, which we want to avoid. A mascular men's very solid, he's more like this. Immature guys are like this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that's that's the place that I need to be. I need like that stability in my life and the the toxicity and the the I mean, it seems like there is manipulation and power plays and like ways to control and that is why I, you know, I feel like in my dating experience now, I need to build trust back up with myself and knowing that I can choose somebody that's going to be loyal to me and and truly loving and not manipulative and you know those people out there.
Yeah, he's a good question about trust. So I admit someone on the street, for example, out of ten, so I trust is a bit of a scale out of ten, What would you trust them?
Just off the bat zero.
Zero's mistrust That means.
You okay, So a five good?
Five is five? Actually pretty good? I try to trust people right immediately. A six out of ten.
Just off the Actually that might be a lie. I do. I am more like I do give people the benefit of the doubt, and I maybe I project a little bit too much, but I think that people have good intentions and I want to be I want to believe that. So meeting a random person on the street, I would probably say like a seven being aware of it.
Very good. Rachel, that's very very good. Maybe you trust people better than you think.
Yeah, probably good.
That's good. Now all you need to do is just be more picky. It can be hard, but more experiences you go through it should also make you a better judge a character as well, which makes it a bit easier.
Yeah. Because I don't have much dating experience, and I haven't been the chooser. I haven't been picking the men.
Your journey's going to change a lot when you start doing the choosing. Yeah, when you go to the supermarket, you're choosing the cucumbers. The cucumbers aren't choosing you. Like the more you choose the better it's going to be.
Jay, Can we talk about the when to have the I love you conversation?
Yeah? Like, if you have these feelings like you're looking at this person on this beautiful date that they took you out, like to the mountains, and you're just looking at them like, oh my gosh, I love this man, do you? And it's only like a month? Then is that too soon to say anything? Like? How do you say I love you?
So that's the perfect setting to say I love you? Definitely, and it usually happens around the eight week mark. You can say it around the one month mark, but I usually recommend the two month mark. One month is not too early, but I definitely won't do it any sooner. But yeah, just the perfect occasion and then you just look in each other's eyes and just say I love you, and then hopefully it's reciprocated.
Okay, So I mean you, it's just interesting your perspective on the sex part, that you can have sex with somebody only three weeks into dating them, and that's only one date a week.
I've got more statistics with surprise your age. So I've coached thousands and thousands of people are the last six years from all around the world. All around the world. The majority of people who have helped achieve a ten out of ten have slept with their ideal partner on the first day, which I know is probably a are in thought. And they're together for years, get married, have beautiful families, they're together forever, and they just they don't play any games and just go with how it feels. What I like to teach people is I want you to be intimate with someone. It feels right, that's it, no timings, no rules. Intimacy is a spiritual, emotional type thing anyway, It's very deep. So if it feels right to it. If you get to a third date and it doesn't feel right, don't do it just because the third date, that's not being truthful to yourself. Okay, if it feels right in the first date, do it. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. And that's the same all the way through. Just trust yourself and your own intuition to see how it feels. That's why I want people to do. It makes it a lot more enjoyable, and I think it's how it's supposed to be.
I like this something else that you said, make sure the most important thing you need in an ideal partner is they're obsessed with you.
Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Well, so when you write your ideal plan list, I tell people the first sentence on the list should be that they are obsessed with you, so they think you are the best person in the world. That makes everything a lot easier. Okay, trying to create a ten out of ten with someone and they go, yeah, she's okay, it's not gonna work. Okay, the guy kind of needs to be obsessed with you and think you're the prettiest girl in the world.
Okay, are there other things? Other tips like that for your ideal list of person You want.
To make sure intimacy is really really good conversations goes well. You want compatibility so high that you guys never argue and you're always on the same page about everything. That's that's really really high compatibility, which makes relationships a lot easier as well. So you're just always on the same page, or.
If you're not on the same page, you can communicate that effectively where it's not like an implosion or an argument or like the power play.
Yeah, turn out of ten relationships have zero arguments.
You've given me a lot of advice and a lot of good tips and support in this journey for me. Do you have any like last closing remarks or any advice for me to take with me on this next phase in my life.
I'd love to see an online dating Okay, I know it's a scary thought. I hear every day. Online dating is terrible. It's more how you use it. Online dating's kind of just a tool, So let me know if you want going to help you build your profile. Rage, but look, some key tips for building your profile less is more. Don't write too much, so with your bio, for example, just write about food, just say I love ice cream. Done like people write too much? Okay, it's just it's too much, So just keep it really really short. And how old are you at the moment?
You're thirty one, I'm twenty nine. I'll be thirty in September.
Okay, so you're twenty nine, so ideally, statistically the perfect age gap is four years. But so ideally, anyway, you want to date a guy who's between thirty and I would set the age parameters on your dating app from thirty to forty. Okay, that doesn't mean, you need a data forty year old. Just i'd set the age parameters. Now, what do you think of he as a child.
So the last guy I was seeing did have a child, and that was my first experience dating someone who had a kid, and she was only four, and I was open to it. Like it surprised me at first when he was telling me, and he told me immediately, and I was like, oh, I guess we're at the age now where people do have kids. It felt like he had his life together in a good way, and he moved out here to be close to his daughter, so I know that he prioritized family, which was a green flag for me. And he also took a lot of responsibility. And he was like, you just be you, and you know, my daughter just loves to spend time with you and look up to somebody who's a positive role model. You don't need to like step into the mother role or anything like that.
I love that. That's awesome. Okay, so that's good. That's good. The other thing I'd say is I want to see you have a bit more fun. Rachel wants to have a bit more fun and focus more on the future and less on the past. Okay, Okay, I know you have an exciting past, Okay, a noteworthy past. Celever each my past, but.
Yeah, okay, wait, can we talk about that for a second. Because when I speak to people and they asked me what I do, and I say I have a podcast, and they ask what the podcast is about, and it's a great conversation started to kind of get into like what I just went through and what I'm advocating for and how I'm using my voice now, and I love talking about that stuff. Is you know, like, how do I approach dating? Like I love talking about my past and from a place where it's like empowering to me and sharing how I've overcome hardships. And I don't want to talk about it too much too soon, either in a relationship or in dating.
I want you to more about the future and the present now, okay, just in general, and barely talk about the past at all. Okay, I know you're using your past in somewhat of a positive light, but at the same time, when you tell people about your past struggles and how you've overcome them, all people see you for as your past struggles. They judge you in your past struggles, which isn't who you are now, Rich, I don't care about your past, not even a little bit. Okay, I care who you now and who you're going to be in five years. Okay, your past doesn't define you. What how you define yourself now defines you? Okay, which is a hard thought for a lot of people to get the head around. But I put my pants when I was two years old. I'm not that person anymore, you know what I mean? Like the past of the past, it doesn't define me now. I define me now. I decide who I want to be. Okay, So there's not really much point in talking about the past. Do you understand that? Like when you talk to people about your past, they judge you for your past, even though you're not that person anymore.
I mean, I I talk about the past in reference to how I'm how I'm living my life in the present.
That's good. That makes sense, that's good. That is good. Try talking just about the present in the future now that Yeah, people are going to listen to you anyway because you're interesting, You've got stuff to say regardless of your past. You don't need to let it define you. Like people that keeps. People are going to still listen to you. Social media is good, your podcasts good. Your past is your past. I think if you don't even just talk about the president of the future, people will love to listen. So you don't. It's your achievements that's good. But what now?
Yeah, yeah, a bit.
More future focused. I know it's hard, but you're going to find a lot more joy in it.
Yeah. I've been using you know, like I've been sharing my experience as like a resource for other people to connect to because they've also experienced some unhealthy relationships. And the advice that I give just from what I've found out about myself and what I'm learning about myself is by sharing that I'm helping other people and that feels very rewarding to me. But I look at my past as a way to learn and to grow, and it's also information for me because those experiences now I'm able to take into my present day with my new dating experiences and be able to pick up the you know what I want and what I don't want much faster and be clear with my boundaries. And that takes practice too.
It definitely does take practice. Another thing I recommend people do is they make lots of lists so I love making lists all the time. One list, which is really fun to make is called a ten out of ten me list. So this is a way to form your identity on who you want to be. So a ten out of ten me list. So basically you think, okay, what's the perfect version of me?
Like?
What do they act like, what do they look like, what do they do? What makes them a ten out of ten person? And then basically you're going to have a bit of a blueprint on how to become a perfect version of yourself, how to become a ten out ten version of yourself and give you something to work towards for your entire life basically. So it's it's going to build up your identity. So your identity is who you want to be. A lot of people have created identity for themselves subconsciously without intentionally putting the thought into it about who do I even want to be, and they're just sort of who they are just naturally okay. But identity is built regardless, often by our environment around us and experiences, but it doesn't have to be. It can be built by who you want to be. But you have to intentionally sit down and go, well, who do I want to be So you're writ out your ten out of ten me list, So that's good. Also, hobby lists, ideal pinalists, non negotiable lists, goal lists, day to day lists, week lists, all that sort of stuff helps as well. I like making lists, so that helps for me.
The word perfect does carry some week because it feels like, oh, if I'm not doing all of these things all the time, then I'm not you know, like there's no way to be perfect, and it's just a failing measure. But a good reframe for me that I picked up is like, what is my most favorite version of myself? Like I'm gonna be my most favorite version of myself right now.
Perfect.
Yeah, And that really helps frame my mindset in a way where it's like, yeah, I get to I get to like clean my apartment right now, Like that's my most favorite version of myself in this moment, you know, getting all of the spots and like putting out flowers and and doing all for whatever moment that may be.
That fiber that fiberte energy that you just had, that's feminine energy. Okay, that's feminine energy. In a nutshell, the opposite of feminine energy is fear.
M Yeah, Like there's only love. There's either love or there's fear, and bear is the.
Most expensive emotion. It's the most expensive emotional take from you everything if you allow it to.
I believe that for sure, Jake.
What is your book about?
I'll achieve a ten out of ten relationship guys. Good book. It's just the basics of what I teach. Like, this is the basics of what I teach. First chapter of Masculine femine Energy. It's a big part of it, but it comes communication, dating, all the general stuff. It's going to be the basics. Okay. What I love about this book is my wife is on the cover, which I love so great. Great book. Link to that books in my profile guys. Or as Rache said at the starticle, you can book and a free call with me. Everyone gets one free call if you want help. Don't call just to say a lot, but if you actually want help, everyone gets one free call. You can get the hard copy book or audiobook. There's only two options I offer on that one.
Thank you, Jake. I feel like there's a lot of big takeaways. I think the biggest one for me is in today's day and age, it's the norm to be online dating. Yeah, and maybe it's a little fantasy and like old school mindset to think that I could meet someone organically just out and about, But it just seems like people aren't as willing to approach other people in that way with the yeah, because the apps are like, this is intentional and we're both signing up for this, and in real life it's like, you know, no one's wanting to be a bother to somebody else, So yeah, that makes.
Sense one hundred percent. Yeah, it's just the way it is. Unfortunately, we all kind of have this idea in my mind that it's going to be like a Disney movie like Enchanted and you're going to meet your Prince Charming on the street. It's not really a thing a lot of people think. While I'm old school thinking thinking I'm going to meet someone organically, very very few of those people had achieved a ten out of ten. They had long relationships at best were a six ten. So they may have met organically, but their relationships were basically shit for forty years. Okay, they make it work because they liked sticking together, but it was in no way a ten out of ten. So we overly romanticized previous generations, their relationships weren't great.
Should we like stop asking people how they met? Because I feel like some people are like, oh, you know, we met through a dating up, and like there's still some like shame surrounding that, Whereas like when people asked how I met the last the last guy I was dating, I was like, oh, we met at a lan Country dancing bar. You know, like it was like a cute story to tell.
Yeah, yeah, I probably should stop asking. It's doesn't really matter anyway, does it. Yeah, if you could be in a ten out ten my Christmas, I'd love that.
I would love that too.
Sharing chocolate in front of the fire, all that sort of stuff. So Roman, take Michael Buble, what we want to see. You gonna achieve it. You can achieve. We just gotta. We gonna get you out there. At the moment you're sort of holding yourself back, you know, we've got to get you out there. Let's let's go. It's scary, but you'd be okay. You got a whole support network. Yeah, totally fine, And this time you're going to do the choosing. So no more assholes, No more of these so many assholes, No more of those guys. Let's let's find someone great.
But that's the biggest takeaway Noholes. Yeah, there's that, But no her doing the choosing, because I do think if you look at all of her past relationship she was chosen, she was love bombed, she was and she was young.
No, I'm not letting her off the hook. She made bad decisions and she's accountable for her part, but those people definitely chose her, love bombed her, and then you know, to a certain amount of newness and age and maybe Naivita and Hope she went with them right and then found the monster aside. But I feel like this, as much as I am shocked about all the online dating stuff, I think for her to have those those parameters and the ability to choose is I think.
That's going to be empowering for her.
One I think one good thing. So online dating gets a lot of slack, but I think one good thing about it is it empowers women to choose and gives them power. So many women get into relationships just because they were chosen and sometimes almost even bullied into a relationship, and they never really had a choice, They didn't choose anybody, and then they just go, well, I guess I'm with this guy and I'll learn to love him. Classic Beauty and the Beast story. That's what it was about. So but now it empowers women go now and now you get to choose who you want to be with. It's it's the way to go.
Yeah, thank you so much, Jake, And we can find you on Instagram. That's your handle again, I think it's.
Jake Maddock and on TikTok I'm coach Jake Mattock. So it's kind of confusing, but look, if you just type in Jake Maddock, guys, you'll find me. It should shouldn't be too hard. But Rach, thanks for a great interview, great great questions. Relationships and love can be a very heavy thing, an't like the conversations can be quite deep and stir up a lot of emotions, yeah, but also hopefully stet up a lot of enthusiasm and excitement for the future too.
Yes, thank you so much for coming on my pleasure. Thanks guys, thank you so much for listening to Rachel Goes Rogue. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok for exclusive video content at Retel Goes Rogue Podcast