Chapter 25: The Reunion I Wasn’t Even At

Published May 17, 2024, 10:23 PM

Rachel responds to all of the chatter about her during the first part of the Vanderpump Rules reunion.

This is Rachel gos Rope. Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of Rachel goes Rope. This is your host Rachel Savannah Levis, and today we are talking about the reunion, part one, So let's get into it. I have my producers here asking me some questions so that we can get this conversation started.

So even in the teaser that they put out, your name was all over that. There was a whole lot of discussion even about this podcast and about some of the choices that you've made not going on this season, but yet you're still being talked about at the reunion.

Hearing your name being brought up.

How did that feel kind of expected from my name to be brought up. It's almost like you kind of have to laugh at it at this point, because, oh man, they just have an issue with me commenting on my experience when I speak. They don't want me to have a voice. I think we've said it before on this podcast. It's just a little bit hypocritical when the cast is talking about me on this season and I talked about my experience and name names and they have an issue with it. So it's just the same old thing. And I think after this season, I don't think that I'll be a topic of conversation. So we're almost there.

So Lisa specifically was after she thought that you would come back this season, and she said, and I quote, all of her actions were so kind of unpredictable.

I didn't really know.

But all of this nonsense on a podcast and her denigrating everyone, it's absolutely ridiculous.

I think it's absolutely ridiculous that Lisa things I'm denigrating everyone. I'm definitely not with anything. They're denigrating me, talking about me every single week and just painting me in the worst possible light, even though I'm not even there to defend myself. But yeah, I have gone row. I'm actually like figuring out what is the healthiest option for me. So I've said it before and I'll say it again. Going back to Vanderpump Rules would jeopardize my mental wellbeing, and I after watching this whole season play out, I'm happy that I didn't go back. I think it would have been really bad for my mental wellbeing. And this is the season that they got to have, and unfortunately, like it wasn't that spectacular from my point of view. Anyway, my opinion, no I'm not gonna let myself enter into that arena again and be dog piled on and be humiliated and harassed and bullied and talked down to the way that I have been in the past for things that were for smaller things, if that makes sense. And this is like this center the nucleus of vander Pump right now. But I think it's also like, if you really wanted me to come back, then show some compassion for the network. Support your cast members when they're asking for help. You know, if I was supported in the way that I felt like I deserve to be, then maybe there would have been a world where I did come back. But then I also would have had to ensure that we would have productive conversations and not just like you know, dog piling and gas lighting by Sheena and all that negativity. I guess it's a tough ask, you know. I had an ask, and I wasn't met where I wanted to be met, and so I had to walk away.

So Tom was asked if he knew anything about you wanting to come back, and he said that he encouraged you to take time away from everyone, including him, and come to your decision that way. You've kind of talked about how things went down in previous episodes. How did it feel hearing him say that.

Oh my gosh, it's infuriating and I don't mean to smile, But why do you can say that is so infuriating because then, like a few seconds later, he's calling me a coward. But if you listen to him, like he's he's constantly contradicting himself in the way that he's putting up this front like he's being supportive and he wants the best for me and he wants me to like take some space to figure things out for myself. Yet if I do take some space and figure things out for myself, not only in myself, fish, but if I choose to not come back, then I'm also a coward. So do you see how infuriating that can be? And how do you handle that? It's like you just have to laugh it off because this person is showing you time and time again the type of person that they are. And I want to believe that he has good intentions and that he could be a supportive person, but deep down he has ulterior motives and he really just wanted me back because it would make him look better and he would have more support.

So on one hand, you have Tom calling you a coward.

On the other hand, you have Laala kind of sticking up for you and saying that you know, she didn't know if she could do what you did last year showing up to the reunion. She says that time heals and had you come back, that you probably would have had a really productive conversation. But then on the other hand, she's like, but I still stand by everything that I said at the reunion last year. So what is your take on Whatlala was saying at the reunion and where is your relationship with her today because she kind of seems like the only one that's at least had your back in small ways.

Yeah, it's very interesting to see how this has played out, and my feelings towards Lala have changed a little bit since we first started recording this podcast, and since the moment that I got that voice memo from her back, you know, months and months ago last summer. At first, I really thought that she wanted me to come back to the show and that was the only intention for sending me that voice memo. But as I'm seeing her really connect to the different parts of being in an abusive, narcissistic relationship. There's like a common thread there, and I think she really does get it because she's experience firsthand. And it's validating in a way to have that representation on vander Pump Rules when I'm not there. So hearing her stick up for me once again and just validate that I was very courageous to come back for the reunion last year, it is validating. I think also she walks a fine line between being supportive of me and also, like how she said, she stands behind what she said last year at the reunion. I think she's also aware that everyone else in the room is anti Rachel, so she's choosing her words carefully. But if you listen to what she actually has to say, you can tell that she's pretty supportive, which is a good feeling.

So where would you see your relationship with her is today?

Well, I don't have a relationship with her because I don't text her or call her or reach out to her at all, So we don't have a relationship, but I don't have hard feelings against her. I do think that maybe Lala and I could have a constructive conversation to move forward. I'm not sure that we would hang out and become friends, but I do think we have a common ground from both reality TV and bad past relationships.

And so she kind of was the main one taking a lot of time talking at the reunion.

She was interjecting on a lot of places.

She even said something really interesting at the end of the episode where she said that the rules of the game regarding filming have changed this season. Do you think everything she's saying during this reunion is genuine or do you think she's just trying to keep a job.

That's a great question. I think a large part of Lala's motivation is to ensure that she does have job secured in this entertainment industry.

I just want to know if you find her words genuine. She also does kind of give the energy that she's the only person being really honest and saying what's really in her brain.

So it's hard to.

Tell if she is being honest to a fault or if she is doing these things with an ulterior motive as to like keep the show going or keep a job.

So which side do you kind of fall on with that?

I think that both can be true. I think that she can be honest to fault and actually like say what she's thinking, because she tends to do that right. And she also wants to ensure that she has a job longevity with being a cast member on Vandrpump Rules. For Lalla, I think she's doing her best to balance reality TV and the producer's needs while she's evolving as a person. It's a lot of pressure, which I understand. I think both things can be true. And I suspect that she'll probably transfer over to the Valley and I think that would do the Valley well.

She has come out to say that she's not said she didn't buy her house in the Valley so she could.

Be on the show.

You Okay, that could be true too. She didn't buy her house in the Valley to be on the show, but that doesn't mean that she's not going to be on the show. We'll see.

So Lala does have a moment where one of the big moments where she really stuck up for you was talking about the grooming. She really clarified to Tom what grooming was and he kind of robuts what she says by saying that he was very impressionable when you took off all your clothes and jumped in his pool.

Geez, oh my god.

Okay, yeah, that may be true, although I didn't take off all of my clothes. But I'm talking about the moments leading up to that point. There was intention behind the way that Tom really gave me undivided attention to want to know my situation and what was happening in my reality. Things were a little bit blurry, and it was a gradual thing that took place where I started feeling more attracted to him. And we're talking about grooming. We're talking about the events that led up to the moment that Tom is bringing up at the reunion, you know, me getting in the pool and us kissing. Also, if you haven't listened to this podcast, definitely go back after finishing our recording. Here. It's chapter thirteen and it's with your bish therapist and she breaks down grooming so well. And I'm not saying that Tom groomed me to be like Tom's victim. I can take responsibility for my part in that too, because I was in a place where I was seeking validation from somebody and I felt safe around Tom and I enjoyed my time with him, and you know, like I wasn't someone who necessarily fell victim to him, but there is a big age gap. He also was aware of my situation and knew that I was very vulnerable and come on, like Tom is a manipulative person. Like hands down, we can all see it. So there's a term that psychologists use for what happened between Tom and I, and it's called grooming. And then also another little note with the grooming thing that I didn't mention with your bish therapist, but I kind of wish that I did. I think there's also this element that the show itself brings in to play. I think vander Pump Rules itself groomed me to be okay with this type of behavior because it's been modeled for me time and time again with previous relationships on the show from the very beginning. And like I'm not a fan either. I know a lot of people think that I'm like a huge fangirl and just that's why I was on the show. That's not the case anyway. I don't need to defend myself. My point is that we see Jack's cheating on Stassy, we see Tom cheating on Kristen with Arianna, we see Laala and James have a thing, and then you know Laala telling me on camera that they had a thing. We see Laala going down on Arianna, and it's very messy and complicated and blurry, and it's also like these things are a scepted basically as the norm. And this is not to excuse my behavior at all, but it definitely was a factor in all of this my decision making. It's something that has been normalized on this show.

I mean, there's no way that you could have predicted how big this scandal got, But you're saying that this behavior was kind of normalized. Did you think that if you were ever found out it was kind of going to be treated the same way any other cheating situation on the show had been treated. You didn't even really think that it would have blown up.

Correct, Yes, I thought that if Tom and I got found out or like we came clean, that it would have been treated the way that cheating has always been treated on this show. All of the past cheating behaviors were not only accepted, but they were encouraged for many seasons with each cast member and made good TV to be consumed by the viewers, which kept the viewers coming back Scandival just insanity the scale that it's imploded to, and I don't think anyone could have predicted that.

Definitely not.

You were saying that you take responsibility for your part in Scandabal. You admit that Schwartz during the reunion basically called you out and called you conniving, called you ruthless. Last year, Schwartz was doubling down on not knowing about the affair. This year, now he's coming at you, calling you conniving in ruthless. Do you think it's because you kind of outed his role in all the things.

I think that Schwartz is Tom's mouthpiece. I think that Schwartz spends so much time with Tom that he hears Tom talk about me in a certain way, and without a doubt, Tom has been the one saying that I am conniving and I'm ruthless. I don't think that Schwartz actually thinks that, because when Schwartz and I were all hanging out together, it wasn't ideal, and Schwartz did have an issue with it, and Schwartz did try to talk some sense into Sandival, but Sandival also didn't uphold Schwartz's boundaries with not hanging out at his apartment. So to hear Schwartz say that I was conniving and ruthless.

It's just like, come on, Schwartz, you are not a victim in this, that you were just as conniving, if not more so, and ruthless in your pursuit for pleasure.

Wow, uh, okay, I don't think that I'm more conniving than Tom Sandoval. And yeah, maybe I was a little bit ruthless with my pursuit of pleasure. Yeah, okay, I can own that, sure, But I feel like Schwartz is spinning it like it was all me and I was the mastermind behind it all, and that Tom gets off scott free, and that's just obviously not the case. I think at the end of that victim ruthless comment, Tom said it was fifty to fifty. I hear the way that Tom has spoken about the situation before, and he portrays it as you know, I was the one that seduced him, and I'm the one that is responsible for it, which is definitely not the case. And Tom was the one that was in the relationship. He had the responsibility to end that relationship with Arianna if he didn't want to be in that anymore, if he wasn't happy in that anymore. He had support to do that and still failed to do that. I believe that Tom had the responsibility to break up with her, So I don't think that it is fifty to fifty.

At the end of the exchange to Katy says that you haven't taken responsibility.

What do you guys mean that it be to take responsibility? I really don't know. I take responsibility for my part in the fair. I totally do. I can see how it's messed up, and I apologize to Arianna and the people that I hurt, because it wasn't just Ariana either. It was our friends who trusted me and trusted Tom, and that wasn't cool to be deceiving. And Arianna trusted me to be honest with her, and I had a responsibility to respect our friendship and I failed to do that. I take responsibility with that. I am sorry. I'm doing everything in my power not to put myself in that position again and to really prioritize my female friendships. And I've gone away to figure out what led me here. I have really done a deep dive with therapists on this whole scanbal situation. I'm doing this podcast to share those things with you guys, because I feel like it will help other people who maybe don't have access to therapy or want to know more have that curiosity as to, like, you know, my thought process behind it and how that can relate to themselves. So I really feel like I have done everything in my power to take responsibility and to take accountability. I haven't denied anything, and I am upholding my values and I'm prioritizing my mental health and that's really all I can do.

And so you've spoken about this before and you said that's a lawsuit that you are bringing upon Oreana and Tom. Is just that you know, it's something that you believe you're doing to uphold your values and to prioritize yourself.

This is also a part of me upholding my boundaries. A boundary has been violated by Tom for filming me without asking my permission first, and if he would have asked, I would have freaking said hell no. And then not only that, but like the boundary had been violated because Tom recorded me without me knowing, but then Arianna was the one that sent it to me, and that's a boundary violation as well. This is an action I'm taking to uphold my boundaries and to show other people that this isn't okay.

Well, I want your opinion on Sheena kind of speaking up for Ariana, because it's kind of it's almost like a role reversal of what happened last year where they were asking Sheena about her lawsuit, she couldn't speak on it, and then Tom kind of spoke and interjected and caused a whole issue there.

Now this time, Sheen is the.

One that's speaking up because they can't speak on it.

What was your take on that.

I think it's interesting because in this reunion as well, like I'm not there to be represented in the conversation either. I remember last year when they're asking Sheena about the restraining order that was put in place, they only asked Sheena about that, and they didn't ask me about it when I was on stage. So watching this back, obviously I know that you know, I'm not there to answer any questions, but it is interesting to see that Sheena is the one as a representative for Ariana saying it's ridiculous of course she can't comment on it, and then also Tom spinning it like, oh, well, you know, I understand if she just wanted to press charges against me, but doing it against Ariana is despicable or whatever. He said. It became a big deal because first of all, you don't take a video like that without somebody knowing, and then you don't leave it on your phone for your girlfriend to find. And then also the way it blew up, Arianna went straight to production to tell them about it. TMZ reported on it and this video, and there was a target on me, like people were out to take me down. And I knew that this video had a high probability of being circulated, so that was absolutely terrifying. And I, oh my gosh, if that video got out, I would have still gone to the meadows because I would have been an even worse place, But like, imagine the additional trauma on top of that what I was already going through. I think I would have been there for like six months.

Well, he then said that you don't have a soul.

I'm not going around on my podcast saying that these people don't have souls. It's a new low, and I think it's more reflective of who Tom is as a person. And honestly, it's really hard for me to even comment on it right now, because I just know that that's not true at all, so it's hard for me to like get into some sort of feeling about it.

Do you also think, Rachel, that it's too tiered? So on one hand, there's these individual people talking about individual feelings, but at the end of the day, they're still on a reality show. They're making sound bites and also sort of redirecting the narrative. So when the fans are saying, what's going on with the show and it's not great and it's boring, well, they bring you into the picture and they bad mouth you.

How do you feel about that?

Do you feel that part of them is actually saying it or part of it is production value and direction of the narrative because it brings up news.

That's a great question that I kind of forgot to think about, because, as we all know, Tom does prioritize the show. This is not his first rodeo. He knows what he's doing, he knows that production needs certain sound bites, and it does change the trajectory of how people view me. I guess in a way if I'm not there to represent myself. So, yeah, that is interesting, A really good point that I think we do need to take into consideration. It's not that exciting of a show, and the cast seems to get all rolled up about tearing me down. But yeah, it seems like it's calculated what Tom is saying about me to present me in a way that would in turn support him being a better looking person.

At the end of this whole conversation about you, James apologizes to the group for introducing you to everyone that kind of say, well, you're the one that brought her in here, and he's like, sorry, guys, and they end by saying, that's the apology, we all need it.

What does that feel like to see?

It's just like one big, huge eye roll. It's like the blame game. It's like, well, it's your fault, Well it's your fault. Oh, it's James's fault for even bringing her here. I think sometimes when I watch this show, I disassociate a little bit because it is painful to watch and when I saw that, and also like when I see James, it's like I've had to work through a lot of emotions through that relationship. Seeing James's whole arc this season and how he has so much support, which is fine, it's fine, but I don't think it's earned based off of the things that he has done. And so when I see that and like the cast all like laughing and bonding over, Oh, that was the apology we needed, It's like it kind of makes you go insane a little bit, because you know, I've been apologizing, I've been taking accountability. This has been my you know, my soul's journey through this experience of really trying to overcome my social anxiety and like seeing the show as an opportunity to do that, and then overcoming some of these codependency tendencies with James and overcoming that relationship and then following my heart and where did it lead me? Straight to Tom Sandoval? And meanwhile, all of this is being filmed. I'm in my twenties, and we're all supposed to make mistakes in our twenties and learn from it, and I feel like I've done exactly that. Yeah, I think it's just hard to watch scenes like that.

It seems to me when you talk about the experience with James versus the experience with Tom, that you actually get more choked up and emotional about James, and I sense more anger towards Tom, and it's like you're over it, You're past it. Is that accurate? How would you interpret or explain that totally?

Yeah, I feel a lot more anger towards the Tom situation, and part of that is like anger towards myself for allowing myself to be in that position with my relationship with James. Looking back on that, I just feel a lot of pain, a lot of what I thought to be as self sacrifice because I saw the potential of who this person could be and I also lung onto the good moments and disassociated from the atrocious moments. Yeah, there's a lot of pain and trauma with that. And I think it also like makes sense as to why I wasn't okay after that relationship, and it makes sense how I ended up with Tom. With the relationship with Tom too, it was like so fun and like overjoyous and like, yeah, I didn't feel so good about it when I was hanging out with a group with Ariana or like I didn't feel good about it when I wasn't with Tom, but then when I was with him, it was like I able to fully escape and to feel okay. All that to say, yeah, there's a lot more anger towards Tom, especially the way that he's handling it, like no accountability, it seems like, and he just wants to put all the blame on me, which infuriates me. And then with James, it's like, I guess some resentment because I know how shitty of a partner he's been, and I felt like I had a step into like a motherly role with him. I think there's frustration and resentment, especially the way that the show's portraying him this season, and like seeing his little hero arc. It's gross to me when a part of you is hanging on to a relationship even though you're the one breaking up with the person. It does feel painful when that person moves on so incredibly quickly, like they only needed a few weeks to grieve, and then they're onto the next. It does something where you think, like, oh, did you not really love me? Were you not really in this relationship? All of those thoughts go through your head and or for me anyway, you know, and it's painful.

So how hard is it to watch the reunion back this year compared to last year? Would you say it's harder or easier not being there? But that also means that you didn't have the chance to respond and defend yourself this year.

It was definitely harder last year watching the reunion than it is this year, even though I'm not there to defend myself. You know, that's kind of like the name of the game at this point or at the end of the season, and I haven't been there the entire time to defend myself. I also know how reunions go, kind of know what to expect at this point, and I also know that my voice isn't in the collective of vander Pump rules. You know. It is difficult in that way, but it's also like I have this podcast to be able to have a voice. I feel secure in myself just knowing that I'm able to at least have a voice.

So how do you feel about what Lala said towards Katie, Because for so long Katie's been positioning herself as a no bs kind of girl. She says you bullied her, and you know she's ride or die for Ariana at the end of the day, Lala called her out for complaining about Ariana and not being true to herself and maybe playing to the cameras. How does that make you feel.

Yeah, Okay, So I had to rewatch that scene twice because I was confused at first. I was like, what are they arguing about? And it's kind of like one of those nuanced things where you have to take into consideration the show and the rules of the show and putting on a facade or front for a means to an end, which I think every single cast member has done. So Yeah, it's interesting because I think, you know, Lala wouldn't just make something up about Haiti complaining about Arianna, and I think that Lala felt abandoned by Katie, especially after they were so close the year prior for season ten. I think Lala was just pointing out that, like, it's convenient that Ariana is the it girl and she is, you know, the fan favorite, and it's very easy to kind of like flip flop into who is the fan favorite and to be close to them for longevity of your own fan base and the longevity of the show. But they also own a sandwich shop together, so I think there's like genuine connection there too. Yeah, it seems like there may be a little bit of manipulation with not being fully honest with how you feel about certain person.

Katie did just post something.

Okay, I'll read this, Katy posted on her Instagram story. I'm someone who has suffered from imposter syndrome for as long as I have known myself, Hence why I was apprehensive about opening the sandwich shop on my own. So when Ariana was going going through not only a world of hurt, but also getting some amazing opportunities that changed a lot of things during a pivotal time, I was extremely sensitive to what she was going through, but also very supportive. I was also dealing with immense insecurity about what I could take on and simply didn't want to put that on her. I had an emotional response that didn't feel appropriate bringing to her front door. So I went where I felt safe or where I thought was safe, until I could find the appropriate conversation was to have with Ariana, which of course I did, and we have had plenty sense. Okay, Okay, here we go. It's so funny because, like this show, social media is playing another aspect in reality TV these days, especially vander Pump Rules. Because you know, Katie was able to think about it and come up with a response, and I think her response seems to be genuine, and it's a little shady because she's basically saying, like, I trusted Laala to keep this in the volt and to keep this between us and Lala went against Katie's expectation of friendship to bring it to the forefront for the show, which also supports the argument that Lala, you know, she prioritizes the show a lot. Interesting. Interesting, What do you guys think?

A lot of fan feedback is that Katie just went and got a pr rep to write a statement for her, which is quite funny because that's what she always says about you. But the fans are all writing that she needed to go get help for a statement.

Oh, she did seem very uncomfortable watching the reunion, kind of like she had these feelings but she didn't want to target Ariana, so she did take them elsewhere. And when you can find I feel like everyone's vented to a friend in like a moment of weakness, and it doesn't necessarily reflect on how you feel about that person.

You just need to vent to someone.

Yeah, so it did feel like that, But yeah, I think it's complicated when the person that you're venting to feels like you're on their side. And then you're filming a show later and act completely differently. So there's layers I think to it.

Definitely, Yeah, definitely layers. I think it's also interesting how I'm no Tom Tom fan, but to Tom and Tom's defense, not once have they talked down to the girls for the sandwich shop not opening on time and haven't made it like a big deal because they personally know how difficult it is to open up a bar or you know, a restaurant, whereas other people haven't been so kind to them about it. And then to Ariana's defense too, she did say, like, I've always been supportive of that, which she has been.

So what about the actual sandwich shop itself too? They said it was going to be open by the time the premiere aired, and everybody's still spinning the question is it or isn't it? What's real, what's not? Is it a sham? Is it a storyline? And it's not open? Now again, when they said it was going to be open, what do you think.

If it was a sham? I don't think that they would be announcing that it was going to be open because they would know that people would be disappointed and they would get a lot of crap for it, So I don't know. I don't think it's a sham. But the projected opening of Something About Her is now May twenty second. May twenty second is only about a week host the reunion airing, so they're not that far off. But I mean, don't announce that they're gonna be open by the time it airs if you're not, because I feel like people will just be like, all right, oh quack and I order sandwich and people will be disappointed, like I suspect they are now. I'm not reading the comments, so I don't know.

But yeah, to kind of wrap things up, I feel like there was a little bit of tension between the cast, clearly in the moment where like Lisa was talking about the sandwich shop with Arianna and Katie, there was definitely tension there between the girls and Lisa. Do you think this is a sign that the cast is kind of unraveling? What do you think about the future of this cast?

I think tension is like the show's middle name, and if there isn't tension, then it isn't doing well. So I think that I don't know, like is the show gonna come back or not? That is the question everybody's minds, and I think it's the right move if they really are pausing it, to let the cast process this traumatic event for everybody, because it has been NonStop and there really hasn't been any downtime to take a beat and process it. And I think they also are like, all right, what is the next season going to be, because what are our storylines and what is the new drama because we're not going to keep harping on this. If Rachel isn't coming back, then there's no reason to keep talking about it because we've kind of beat the dead horse already. I think it's smart to let the cast live and create some drama in the real world to bring back for the next season if they are going to continue vander Pump Rules. But I predict that Laala and Sheena are going to transfer over to the Valley because the Valley has been picked up for another season and it just makes sense the way that they bought homes in the Valley and they have babies and they're friends, but the cast over there, so it seems like a pretty seamless transition. I don't think that James and Ali will be in the Valley. I honestly think that this would be a great place for vander pump Rolls to end because it's had a good run. I don't know, I think yeah, and I'm hesitant to say anything because you know, I get picked apart, but whatever, I think the fans are starting to see how contrived the show can be and that this friend group is not actually a friend group. They are cast members who have a job first and foremost and will do anything to secure their payday. But regardless if this is the last season or if it's not, I wish the cast all the best. I really truly do hope that they find healing in this because it has been traumatic and I think that the show really does kind of emotionally stunt an individual. So I think we all have some catching up to do on adulting in life. Thank you so much for listening to Rachel Goes Rogue. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok for exclusive video content at Rachel gos Rogue Podcast