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Chapter 10: Talking About Her... And She's Not Even There

Published Feb 20, 2024, 2:17 AM

Rachel addresses the fact that she continues to be a storyline this season. She is even rather shocked by what she is seeing in the episode.

This is Rachel gos Rogue. Hey guys, and welcome to chapter ten of Rachel Goes Rogue. This is Rachel Savannah Levis, and I have quite a lot to say on this week's episode of vander Pump Rules. If you are new here, I wanted to personally welcome you. I'm happy that you're here to listen to what I have to say since I'm not a part of season eleven of vander Pump Roles this year, and I'm like in the mix still because people keep talking about me and it does affect me. This was a really heavy episode for me to watch Episode three of vander Pump Rules. It was a lot. I wasn't expecting for some of these topics to be talked in the way that they were. It really took me off guard and I really couldn't sleep. My mind was racing, and I just you know, I had so much to say, and I had to remind myself, like it's gonna be okay. Like I have this opportunity on my own podcast to speak whatever's in my heart and whatever's on my mind in a true authentic way. So I'm very grateful to have this podcast to be able to express my opinions and my emotions and feelings that come up through this. So thank you for being here. Let's get into episode three. I have my publicist here with me. She'll be asking me some questions, and I have a lot to say about it all on my own as well. So we're going to get right into it, but I'm going to hand it over to my publicist.

All right, Well, let's just dig right in.

So a few of the articles that have been out there, who's been about Tom saying that you him off and it was all about optics. He feels abandoned. He makes a really big deal about you not texting him on his birthday.

What was that timeline? And why didn't you reach out?

Okay, So I feel like there's two things to address in that question. The first is the optics statement. And he said this, if I recall correctly, he said it during the after show. He said, Rachel's publicist kept saying optics, optics, optics, and I've actually never heard my publicis say optics before. That's more of a Tom sanderbal phrase. In fact, when we were caught lying about the Jacuzzi incident and Lisa was asking him about it, and he wanted to come up with a story to cover up for it. He kept saying, Look, it's not good optics for you to be over at my house in the Jacuzi so optics, optics, optics. It's definitely something that Tom san Evolve would say. So the reason why I didn't reach out to him, we officially stopped communication when he went to Special Forces, and I was encouraging him to go because that would allow for me to have more of a clear mind. And this was towards the end of my treatment. This was after I received that friendship lamp and the note. So yeah, I decided that I wasn't going to contact him again. And I think he was expecting for me to reach out because I got out of the meadows July third, and his birthday, I believe, is July seventh, So I think he was expecting for me to reach out to him. I didn't reach out to him, and he was not too thrilled about that.

I have some things to say about that publicists claiming optics were important, because first and foremost, him saying you've dumped him because I told you to do so for any reason, is actually taking the power away from you, which is a decision that you made through treatment. So I think that is first a really big deal because that was your choice and your power when you came into your own more so through treatment. Secondly, what was there for me to be concerned with about the optics? Basically, you had an anxiety breakdown on the show for millions to see. You were outed having an intimate moment to the world and humiliated being filmed without your permission. You were exposed to having an unfair Despite apologizing multiple times, you were still bullied, berated, dehumanized, berated by a group of people that had cheated with.

Each other, boyfriends, Mary full everything else.

You checked into an inpatient center for three months to do the work, and the.

Bullying didn't stop.

They purposefully cast out that you were getting treatment. They were called the liar on cast podcasts. They told the world you were a spot the cast, the network. None of them would tell the truth that they knew, despite me showing them proof and begging them.

To post where you actually were.

I asked them to support you forgetting help and to stop the hate.

I told them that you had death.

Threats and watch what happened live if you remember and he asked the cast members where they thought you were when they knew.

Exactly where you were.

You were damaged and broken when you were in there, and thank goodness you've got the help and did the work, because it could have been a very different outcome for you.

Yeah.

Right, So at the end of the day.

I was concerned with the truth. We always put out the truth. We put the truth to the press, we put the truth out to the public. So the network, we always stood for the truth. And my only concern at that point was to get better.

What optics?

So I have a question for you. I know you were encouraging the network to say that I was actually at a treatment facility and not at a SPA. Is there a reason why you didn't release a statement saying that I was at a treatment facility on your own to get that out there? We did.

We actually, if you would call well too so too hard?

How they could have done it was not only just in a statement.

Remember all the mediums they have, whether it's E News, whether it's you know, the Bravo sites. All I did was ask them to reput our statement out there. We had already put the statement when the person that left the Meadows.

How did you. Yeah, that's when we had to put the statement out.

Yeah, so, and that's I've been doing this for twenty four years and never have I put a statement out and then been called a liar. And then especially that's something so serious, right, It's not about an opinion, it's about a running. It's not about who's dating who or who's breaking up. This was, you know, a very serious situation. But they refused to put it out there, and they perpetuated the SPA thing.

Yeah, so the SPA thing overtook any of our statements. I think we even requested for Bravo to tell the cast members who were going on the podcast every week saying that they know for a fact that I'm at a SPA, to stop saying that, and they said, we don't have any power over the cast to prevent them from saying whatever they want on their podcasts.

So Lisa claims that it was shocking and triggering for her because of her the history of mental.

Health and her brother and now her concern for Tom.

How did that make you feel to see her react to him.

I feel like Lisa has extended her resources to Tom more than I've ever seen that extended to me and that concern for me, And so I'm not surprised by it because I feel like it's pretty typical for Lisa to really like take the men under her wing and make sure that the men are okay, but she doesn't really care about the women on the show as much. Like to me my perception of it, it seems like the women are more disposable to her, and she has invested in the Tom Tom name and has business with Sandobal. So yeah, it's like, Okay, if you were really concerned about Tom having dark thoughts, like you had to have considered my mental state of mind as well because we were both going through the same thing at the same time.

Did she ever reach out to you?

No, she didn't, and she didn't care what my mental state was when she pulled that whole Gram situation on me.

As a producer on the show, Do you think that she had a responsibility to treat him and talk equally when it came to mental.

Health support, Well, I feel like Lisa does have a responsibility and production does have responsibility to treat the cast equally when it comes to caring for their mental health. And you can't like preach that and then only apply it to one person, or pick and choose who you're going to extend that care to. Yeah, so I don't think that that was right.

And if you sat down with her today, what would you have to say to her?

I would ask her why she felt the need to lie and say that I surrendered my dog out a kill shelter and put that in the press. I would say, what was your intention in doing that? Was it to make me the ultimate villain so you could save your precious Tom Sandoval. But the thing that actually in that scene, the thing that bothered me the most was Tom talking about the podcast that Sheena had Nima on And when I saw that clip, I immediately was like, why did he need to bring this up? If he knew how much that affected my mental well being? Why would he bring it up on national television for everybody to know about. And it's been months and months and months since that episode came out on Shana's podcast, and so people have forgotten about it. But now that you're bringing it up on camera addressing these rumors that impacted me so horribly. I just felt like it was like, what the hell, Like that's up for you to do? Like I really I don't know what his thought process was, because his point was that Sheena has been vindictive and bringing our name, dragging it through the mud, and it's affected him. But the example he gave was something that she said about me. So I just felt like that was very unnecessary. Why did Shena need to go into all the details, Why did Nima need to go into all the details? Like I could just picture it. She is very upset obviously about the tro and she was hyping up all of our mutual friends to talk about me and divulge personal stories. So I'm sure Nima was hyped up and in this state of like, yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna put it all out there the point of the podcast, which I didn't listen to until yesterday because that when I found out about it, it put me in such a dark place. I just wanted to push it and suppress it and completely pretend like it didn't happen.

I think, can you explain who Mima is or was?

So Nima is this guy who Sena set me up with to go on a date. He was on Shaws of Sunset, and Sheena likes to network and stay in touch with a lot of the cast on different shows, and so she figured since I was in a rut and not interested in dating, that she would set me up with someone who she thought was a reliable person to take me on a good date. And Hannah Berner's wedding was coming up, and she was like, well, you know, it's a possibility that he could ask you to Hannah Berner's wedding and then you can come with me and Brock and it could be like a full fun thing. And I was like, okay, yeah, that sounds fun. So we stated, I mean, if you can even call it dating. We hung out a few times and we were like voice memoing each other over text. And the thing that I liked about Nima was that he really encouraged me to use my voice. And this was at a time when I was still self conscious about the way my voice sounded, so nothing came of it, Like we both were kind of like in this mental space of this is a casual thing. But yeah, Sheina really pushed for that to come into fruition, and then she's like using it against me to say that I'm some type of promiscuous woman.

James was featured a lot too write so he shockingly had very mild things.

To say regarding Tom. Right there was like all this energy but nothing very when on Whatch what Happens Like, that's when.

Andy asked him about the podcast. Are you surprised that his demeanor was so calm?

No, I'm not surprised because I think he kind of ignores a lot of what's happening in the press, Like he doesn't get to him in a way because he doesn't give it his attention. So I highly doubt that he's listening to my podcast.

And then he also said that Tom's revelation that he still loves for Quel gave him the thoughts on James still having feelings about this?

How does that make you feel?

Thoughts on James having feelings about this? I mean, I understand the ick heart because our whole friend group like saw Tom and Ariana together as like in it for the long haul, no matter like what their relationship was at. And I'm hesitant to even talk about this stuff because I know you guys have a lot of opinions on it. But yeah, I think because you wouldn't really picture Tom with me, and that concept is icky.

Episode.

In the actual episode, James and Sandival have a heat of conversation about betrayal, and it seems like he's still very hurt by Sandoval's actions. Do you find it odd that he's seemingly in a relationship where he claims to be the happiest he's ever been, but yet it still feels betrayed by Sandoval?

Yeah, I mean, is he the happiest he's ever been? That's only for him to say, but yeah, I think he was just kind of throwing that in my face to make me feel bad when he said that he's the happiest he's ever been. Oh, she's the love of my life. James looked up to Tom as someone he admired, and Tom was there for him when James was always the underdog and really encouraged James to be a part of filming, even though their friendship wasn't like a close friendship. But James admired Tom and he didn't think that Tom would be capable of doing this, and James and I were engaged, So yeah, I can see how it's a betrayal. I think maybe comparing James to Ariana, it doesn't quite equate, even though the dynamics are similar. It's interesting Yeah, do you.

Think that james anger has less to do with you and more to do with his own friendship?

I think it has less to do with me because I I don't know if it aired or not, but I remember filming where he called me and I picked up and he said, I'm less mad at you and I'm more mud at Tom. I think James's anger had more to do with his friendship with Tom and his idea of who Tom really was, and since that perception was shattered, I think he was perhaps like grieving that friendship.

Yeah, how long ago did your relationship with James end?

It ended December twenty twenty one.

Because do you find it at all odd that he still does get so angry or charged up to when he's.

Talking about you?

Because I think even as a viewer, lots of people comment and say, is he just not over or is it just that he Tom had had you and he didn't did that going or something strange there.

I think James is just an anger person, like things will will rub him the wrong way and he'll take things very personally. So I mean it doesn't really surprise me. I've seen him angry a lot.

And then his reaction in the episode versus on Watch It Happens Live?

And that calmness he had on the after show is that interesting to.

Not really, because he kind of lives in his own world. I think the anger came up in that moment for him and he expressed it, and now that it's been months later, he's like he doesn't really care as much, and that's what we see on his most recent appearance on Watch What Happens Live. I do want to talk about though, Like I do think it's interesting that Tom is holding the Christen thing over James's head, yet Tom has gone out of his way to help plan James's proposal to me and like drop money on that. And I think a lot of people are confused by that too. A lot of people suspect that Tom and I were seeing each other while James and I were together. That is false. I asked Tom about why he was so invested emotionally and financially in James's proposal to me, and he said that it was because of the show that he felt like because we were in a COVID season and there wasn't a lot going on that he felt if he put money down to make this extravagant thing. It would look great for cameras and it would contribute to the overall success of the show.

How did that make you feel hearing that?

You know, it was interesting because even I was questioning him. I was like, so were you into me back then, because you does it contributes so much? And he was like, no, no, no, no, no, it wasn't like that. It was just for the show. And I was like, Okay, so this guy really cares about the success of the show and taking a step back and looking at it now, I can see how the show is like his higher power and it controls a lot of his decisions in life.

Okay.

So on the episode, Sheen had a conversation with Tom back to the restaurant and he brought up the podcast guest meeting Mima, and it appeared that he had your back.

He was saying that it should have.

Been more about the comment about the open relationship rather than.

Me going into all the detail he did. How do you feel watching that back, seeing him defend you.

In on my do you feel that was zir I was actually happy that he was defending me in that moment because what he said was accurate. That when I found out about that podcast that Sina recorded with Nima. I was in the meadows and my mom told me about it, and she was like, hey, I just want you to know that Sina had Niema on and I already knew at this point that Shea was talking about me every single day, it seemed like, and so it just threw me off. And my mom said they were talking about explicit sexual things with your sexual life, and my mind just went spinning because I didn't know what was being said. I was just thinking the absolute worst, and when you are in intimate relations with somebody, usually that remains between the two of you, and so I was pretty surprised that Nima would talk on that and speak about that, especially because Nima was upset at me when I went on Sheena's podcast and talked about our date that I went on and how it went, and Sina was like picking for that and encouraging me to speak on it. I didn't think that I said anything bad, but he was like, you, you know, like I'm a business professional and people are looking at me and when they hear things like this, it looks bad on me. So he was scolding me for opening up about that dating situation and how it went down.

So this is indicative.

Yeah, possibly he's trying to get back at me for painting him in a bad light, which I don't think it was a bad light. I thought it was also very interesting that Nima said on Sina's podcast that people need to lay off Tom Sandoval and that he's going through a lot right now. And you can't you know, people are talking about mental health, this mental health that, yet they're like going in on Tom Sandoval and we really have to think about how this is affecting his well being. But Rachel, let's get into it. Let's tear this girl up, because she's not a human, right.

Did Nima ever reach out after the podcast or to date as he reached out?

No?

And then, in your opinion, do you think.

That Tom brought this stuff up on camera because it was his only new chance to confront Sheena indefend you or was it self serving to clear his own name about his story?

He claims with false interesting question. I don't know, like, was it to be spiteful to me because I didn't reach out to him on his birthday and that's why he wanted to bring it up. Maybe maybe it was like he really did want Sheena to know how it affected me. I didn't address it sooner because it's something that I already processed through. But it is not okay for somebody else to tell other people that they have expressed feelings of not wanting to live anymore. Tom already brought this up about me on Tamra and Teddy's podcast to Teas in a Pod.

And.

That one I really went in deep processing with my therapist because it was like, whoa, why are you talking about this personal information that was like privy to only your ears, Like this is a vulnerable topic of vulnerable position for me to be sharing with you, and you're like telling Teddy and Tamra and whoever else is listening to this popular podcast that I have had dark thoughts. But the way that he said it too, he made it seem like we had a suicide pact, like it was some Romeo and Juliet love story, Like oh that was that really anchered me. So when he said it again and I understand, like, yes, he was defending me to Sina and exposing for her for how vindictive she really was. But it's also not okay to be discussing that personal emotional turmoil, state of mind with the rest of the world. And now it's a topic of conversation that really crossed a boundary.

Let me ask you this because the root of this is this conversation about the open relationship.

Yes, I did not tell Nima that Tom told me that he was in an open relationship. What I told Nima when I was explaining to him my experience at Coachella staying with Tom and Ariana and a few of our friends in that airbanb Tom and I and Jesse were in the jacuzzi, our feet were in the jacuzzi and we were talking until five am. The sun was coming up, and we were listening to Dua Liipa and talking about relationships and whatnot, and nothing happened that weekend. But also like Tom and Ariana were extra levey towards me, and so when I told Nima this experience, what I said was Tom and Ariana give off an open relationship vibe. And he was like, oh, that's interesting. Do you think they're in an open relationship? And I was like, no, I don't think that they are, but it's it was a weird energy. And he said, do you think Tom is interested in you like that and I was like, yeah, it felt like he was. And then he said would you act on that? And I said no, I would be more likely to hook up with Ariana than I would with Tom. That's what I said. And so you know, and that was that. When he relayed that information to Shina, I guess he took it as I was saying that Tom told me that he and Arianna were in an open relationship and that was not the case. He did not tell me that. And it's interesting too, because Sena confronted me about it. She asked me, like, hey, I heard from somebody that you told them that Tom said they were in an open relationship. And I was like, no, I never said that, and she's like, well, this person is a trusted source and they told me that you did. And I was like, well I didn't. Who is this person? And maybe that would help me understand where this is coming from. And she refused to tell me who it was, and so I was like, okay, like I'm leaving it because it's not true. That was maybe in January of twenty twenty three.

Seems like she waited a while to.

Let that one out for that right, well, she let that out the bag when we were picked up for filming, and that was the rumor that she wanted to dress to have Nima on because it seemed like she was protecting this person. Nima was trying to clear his name. She and I was trying to clear her name, and.

You got dragging mo. Yes.

So Tom has sid said that he's in a better place about it all.

Now where do you stand?

It's hard to say where I stand, just because I wasn't expecting to address Sheena's podcast with Nima on and having that be brought up in this season, and because like that is what led me to my darkest thoughts. It was really difficult for me to hear that and know that I was being hit with that now. I didn't listen to the podcast when I got out, and so I didn't hear it until yesterday, and it was hurtful. I think my brain really went to like the worst case scenario, and that's when I was like, I quit. I don't want to do this anymore. I just hope that we're holding Nema accountable and we're holding Sheena accountable for two different things. I think it shows a lot about a person if there's somebody who kisses and tells, and I don't know why someone would want to date somebody like that a B with Sheena. I hope that this brings to light how vindictive she was this past summer, and it was relentless. Tom was not exaggerating how vindictive Shina was.

Okay, so let's take that for a minute.

And you filed the TRORO. You didn't want to ultimately hurt her, so you take it back down. Yeah, Now you mentioned you regretted it because you had a long term interested in her.

Now, looking back at how she.

Continued, do you still feel that was the right decision to let go or how do you.

Feel about that?

I don't think it was the right decision to let it go. I think by going through with it and holding her accountable, I would be standing by what I believed was right and wrong, and it's recognized in the court of law.

So do you feel like she bringing on her podcast episode with Nina onto the show, that it was sort of her redemption or to prove that she was right vindicating herself because she really couldn't after the assault. So this gave her sort of another angle to clear her name or give herself creditble.

Yeah. I think people were questioning whether or not she knew about Tom and I and if she was sitting on information where Tom told me and I told Nima that Tom said he was in an open relationship, then it's like, oh, well, why didn't you say this sooner? So I think she was really trying to clear her name with the friend group and like, hey, like I didn't say that, somebody else did. It's Nima and he's going to clear it up for all of us. So I think she was trying to rehab her image.

So this one's kind of going back to them so too. Billy Lee said, you abandoned Tom.

Do you feel like you did a little bit? Yeah? I do, But you know, I've been advised that that would be the best way for me to end it, because if I tried to explain the reasons why I'm breaking up with him, he would figure out a way to get back into my good graces. I mean I even tried to break up with him before he went on Special Forces, and I said like, I don't want to do this anymore. This isn't healthy for me, and he was like, please don't do this to me, Please, don't do this to me. And then he started talking about how Kyle Channa had to come over and remove the guns from his house, and I was like, oh my god. You know, like, please don't choose a permanent solution to temporary problem, like now I'm talking him off the ledge and so you know, like after he did that, it was like, well, I don't you know, he's going to pull something to keep me in his grasp. So yeah, I just had to ghost him.

Okay, So when.

You cut him off, then, now, how does it feel seeing him in the confessionals?

And yeah, I don't enjoy seeing it. And I think as this season progresses, we'll see I predict that we will see him turn on me once he really realizes that I'm not coming back. We've kind of seen him in the after show kind of giving me jobs, giving you jobs, saying that it was all for optics and that's all I really care about. I'm like, if that's not projection, I don't know what is.

Okay, So do you think up to this point in the show, the things he's saying, he's thinking, Oh, she's going to be back and we're going to be together.

Yeah. Absolutely, he was bringing all of this up on camera preparing for me to come back, and I think maybe that was manipulative and knowing that I'm going to have to address these things and my confessionals and in real life conversations and that you know, he was this hero for standing up for me, and you know, I would have been mad at him for bringing it up in the first place, but he would have like really swooped in and sold me on, like how he was really there for me when nobody else was. And yeah, I think it was strategic. Oh man, I feel like this episode really it was a lot to watch and it was heavy, like this is heavy, serious stuff. I think how they closed out the episode with the disclaimer with the suicide hotline, I'm happy that they did, but I'm a little disappointed that they didn't really treat me with that concern. I'm just so grateful that I was able to get the mental health treatment and attention that I needed so desperately, and yeah, that place like really saved me and helped me to get out of this chaotic world. Thank you so much for listening to Rachel Goes Rogue. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok for exclusive video content at Rachel Gos Rogue Podcast