Perry and Shawna MorningsPerry and Shawna Mornings

“God Was Next to Me, and I Didn’t Even Know It” - Shawna

Published Apr 23, 2025, 4:53 PM

At 4 years old, laying in the grass in the middle of the ballfield Shawna thought, “If I died no one would care”. That was the first time she thought her life didn’t matter.  When that memory came flooding back as an adult she asked, “Lord, where were you?”

Imagine the blood and water flowing from Jesus’ wounded side. It becomes a river of life flowing into the ocean of God’s unfailing love. And when you give your life over to Jesus you are plunged, full body, into this ocean. It’s a deep dive into what it means to be “In Christ.”

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. We know this firsthand. Don’t believe me? Skip your cup of morning coffee and your flesh will let you know how weak it really is. We can, with God’s help, train our bodies to be obedient to the will of God.

It was Good Friday at Perry’s church. Every heart was tuned to Jesus. Perry says, “I felt the love of God again come pouring into my heart by the Holy Spirit. But as much as I need these experiences, they’re not just for me, they’re for the world!”

It's the Perry and Shaunna podcast on the real life journey with you, reminding you that you are ABBA's beloved child and that Jesus has called you into his massive mission to heal the world.

God is right here, right now. We just. We don't always know it. Last week, as we were walking through the events leading up to Easter, just there were several different times I thought, man, God was right there and they didn't know it. Like, how could they not know if you were to go back? Even before the Easter story? Back in Genesis, Jacob wakes up from a dream and he says, surely the Lord is in this place. And I just didn't know it. I just didn't know it. And I think about Jesus's conversation with the woman at the well and how, you know, they're having this theological conversation. You know, he's talking to her about living water and on and on. They spent quite a bit of time together before she realized, well, he told her I'm the Messiah. She's like, The Messiah is coming. He'll make everything clear to us. And he's like, yeah, I'm the Messiah. She was there. God was with her and she didn't know it. Okay, so now fast forward to Mary Magdalene in the garden after Jesus rose from the dead. You know, he's having this conversation with her, and she was with Jesus and she didn't know it right away.

No, not until he spoke her name. When he spoke her name, she knew it was him.

Yeah, yeah. And so if if this can happen. Okay. Let's keep going. I mean, there's more, right? Okay. So the story of after Jesus's resurrection, there were two disciples that were on this journey, right? And they're talking leaving Jerusalem. And they're trying to figure out on the road to Emmaus of, you know, all the things that went down. And this person joins the conversation is like, what's going on? And they're like, how do you not know what's going on? And so they tell him and he spends the rest of the journey unpacking all of scripture and saying, explaining himself like saying it's all about Jesus. And they spent all that time with him and they didn't know that he was right there with them.

Not until he broke the bread. Yeah. When he broke the bread, they realized, oh my gosh, it's him.

If it could happen to these people, if this can happen over and over and over again, I got to believe it just makes me wonder about the times in my life when Undercover Jesus was with me and I just didn't know it. I recently was reminded of a childhood memory. It was the first time that I felt like, man, I could die, and I don't know that it would make a difference. Like, I don't know that I matter. It was the first time that lie entered my heart, entered my belief. I was about four years old and my sisters all played softball, and I wasn't quite old enough to play yet. But where they played, there were four different ball diamonds that all kind of faced each other, right? So the backstops were on the outside of the field. I was walking through the center of all the outfields, if you will. Kind of in the middle of no man's land, very visible to all four of these games going on right in the center of the field. And I had this pain in my chest. And, you know, I got real dramatic. And I did a slow fall, death fall.

I love that.

And laid face up in the grass like, oh, this is the one. It's the big one. It's gonna take me out. And I laid there in the grass looking up at the sky. And I thought, surely someone will come and check on me. And nobody ever came. And that was the first time I thought, yeah, I don't know that my life matters. I don't know that I'm significant. So I recently this memory came back to me and I asked the Lord in prayer, where were you in that moment? And I Re envisioned the entire thing. I saw myself almost as if I was experiencing it again, laying on my back, four years old, in the middle of that grassy field with my black rimmed bifocal glasses on and my real rough cut bangs. Mom. Thank you. God bless you. Laying there in the middle of the grass and Jesus was laying on his back next to me. He was with me undercover. Jesus. He was right there with me and I just didn't know it.

Yeah. It's it's it's beautiful because he is there for me. I think of my worst, like in my teenage years, my worst moments of failure and sin. And that Jesus was there with me and not condemning me just blows me away. And just recently, I've realized he was there and he wasn't condemning me. And he was for me. He should have condemned me, but he didn't. And he knew who I would become. Even in my worst moments, especially in my worst moments, he knew who I would become through his grace.

So if Jesus could be very, very tangibly with all these people in the Bible and they didn't know it, and there are even moments in my past where Jesus was with me and I didn't know it. It just makes me wonder if right now where it feels like you're all alone. If right now the undercover Jesus isn't just right there.

You are in Christ, and Christ is in you. There's a small lake really close to the southeast side of Lake Tahoe called Eagle Lake. It's maybe 1000ft across. Eagle Lake is absolutely frigid year round. I know, because Teresa, me and the kids were there one summer and because it was icy. Well, of course I wanted to go in.

Icy in the summer. That's wild.

So did Kaylee. She wanted to go in as well. So we waited in deeper and deeper. It was so cold as the part of our skin that was underwater more or less got used to it, or frozen. We went a little deeper, and now it was finally just my head above the water. And I dunked under and it was painfully icy and it was incredible. At the same time, I felt astonishingly alive. I felt immersed in life itself. And I think this gets at, if even a little bit, what it's like to be in Christ. Imagine the blood and water flowing from Jesus wounded side. It becomes this river of life, a river of life that flows into the ocean of God's unfailing love. when you give yourself to Jesus. You're plunged into this ocean. You're completely immersed in the flawless obedience of Jesus. And you're breathing it in. All the virtue of Jesus surrounds you and is in you.

There's no way to get out of that. It's all encompassing. You know, we try. I think we try so hard to compartmentalize the places that Jesus has access to our life. And the picture, that picture just completely demolishes the idea that I can belong to Jesus but have a private internet life. You know that's hidden. Or you know that I can have this relationship that's not holy and not good, and it's okay. Like, there's no way to give your life to Jesus and not have every aspect of your life doused in who Jesus is.

Right. And it's in those cases where we're not living it out, we're not living into our I'm not living into my identity. My identity is that I'm in Christ. That's who I am. And so we live from that identity. And it's also a reality that we're in Christ. It's a spiritual reality. And so we get ripped off by other things because we're just not living out. I'm just not living out my true identity. You're also immersed in forgiveness. You're immersed in the freedom of total forgiveness. The judgment for your sins came down on Jesus never to come down again. There's no judgment day waiting for you because you're completely enveloped in forgiveness. And you're breathing it in like air.

I literally just had the thought, like, within the last maybe 4 or 5 days. Lord, I don't want to experience watching all of the things that I have done that are shameful go down in front of me. You know what I mean? Like, I don't, I don't want is there a moment coming when we're gonna our life is going to play out like a movie in front of us, but it's just the bad stuff. That's what. That's what I think we anticipate.

Yeah. Being exposed, you know, for for all of our flaws and mistakes and failures. Yeah, that's that's frightening. And yet we're forgiven. And we're in Christ. We're in his forgiveness. And you're plunged in the resurrection life of Jesus. You're submerged in the same power that raised Jesus from the dead, and it's pulsing in your veins, giving you get this giving you limitless power to live a new life. I settle for so less. But I'm in Christ, and the resurrection power of Jesus can be drawn from through faith, through dependence on the Holy Spirit.

Yeah. I'm just thinking right now that we try so hard to muster up what we can to do what we can to will ourselves. And when we do that, we're simply choosing our own power versus the power that raised Jesus from the dead. It's in surrender to who God is, not trying harder, but in surrender to who God is, that we get to live by the power that raised Jesus from the dead.

Yeah, because when we surrender, we give up that try harder, and then we use our spirit empowered will, our spirit led self to step into the life of God. As far as I can tell.

Some deep theological stuff here. Let's go.

How could we ever be separated from God's love, from his forgiveness, goodness, and favor? How could we ever be separated from the power to live a new life? How can we ever be separated from him when we are in him and he is in us.

In a way.

We can't?

Nope.

You are in Christ Jesus who has become our righteousness, holiness, and eternal redemption. That's first Corinthians 130. And Christ in you, the hope of glory. Colossians 127.

I am a creature of habit. I got my rhythms that serve me well. I wake up in the morning and I get a cup of coffee so my body knows. When Shauna wakes up in the morning, she's going to give me coffee. I've been trying to to implement something new. I have a vitamin that I take that's it's a powder, and I put it in coconut milk and give it a good shake and then drink it. Anyway, I've been trying to get that in on an empty stomach. First thing in my body is like, hey, what about that coffee plan? You know how we start with coffee, and it's hard to interrupt your norm when you get a system in place. You know what I mean?

I do, I do. I mean, I'm a person of. I'm a creature of habit. I'm a creature of systems. I sell.

Repeatable patterns.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, I, I wear one pair of pants during the week. I mean, I'm a minimalist. Different shirt every day. Same pair of pants. I work out on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. Every single week. I eat oranges for lunch during the week. Every lunchtime, I have cereal after my dinner at night. Every night. So.

Creature of.

Habit. There you.

Go. Yeah. Does it ever feel like Groundhog Day? You know, because stuff is systemized. So rather than thinking real time, what you're going to do, it's like, nope, I've got a system. I know I'm going to do this and then this.

No, it never does feel like that.

Well that's good.

There are other things that I do in my life where I just kind of free flow. I use free verse in my life and just kind of.

Go wild and crazy guy.

You well, you know, I don't know about that, but you know, I do. I do like to, to have a day where I can just kind of go with my creative, my creative side.

Last week, in preparation for Easter, I was reading through the Gospels and I was reading, you know, just leading up to Jesus's death and resurrection. I wanted to have all of those events right in the forefront of my mind. And I was reminded that after the Passover meal, Jesus took his disciples to the Garden of Gethsemane to pray with him. And he said, stay here and pray. And then he went a little further, but he comes back and he finds his disciples sleeping. So he says to Peter, are you asleep? Can't you stay awake for just one hour? Stay awake and pray that you won't be tested. You want to do what is right, but you're weak. And then Jesus went back and he prayed again by himself. But he comes back to his disciples. And the second time he finds them asleep again. They just couldn't keep their eyes open, no matter how hard they tried. It happened a third time. Jesus goes off to pray by himself. You know, he prays the famous prayer, not my will, but your will be done. Totally surrendered. But he comes back and he finds that they're sleeping again. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. I know that I know that personally. That my spirit is willing and my flesh is weak. I have heard myself pray. And I'm telling you 100%, 100% in like God, I want to do this. I want to honor you. I want to fill in the blank and end up doing the opposite.

Yeah, I mean, those guys, you know, they they just needed to pray an hour.

And they wanted to.

Yeah. And they didn't. They fell asleep because their bodies gave in. And, you know, there there was a moment in the last couple of weeks where I didn't show up in the way I should have for my best friend, and I showed up, but it was half hearted, and it was literally two hours. That would have made the difference if I would have added two more hours onto my showing up with my best friend. Then I would have showed up fully.

Like two hours later. You were in a different space than, you know, mentally. Emotionally.

I was in a different space physically two hours later.

Gotcha.

So if I would have stayed at this event for two more hours, it would have been really showing up for him because I missed a lot of stuff, and it was because I just was tired and I wanted to get some rest. Gotcha. Same thing as the disciples.

Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, I think we all can resonate with that. Like, I want to do the right thing so badly and I end up doing the wrong thing. I truly hate that about myself. And it makes me think of, you know, Romans, I do not understand what I do for what I want to do. I do not do, but what I hate, I do. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak, my flesh is weak. And that whole coffee routine, like wake up in the morning, my body wants coffee. Every now and then I just switch over to decaf because I want to. I want my body to know that my body doesn't govern, that what it aches for or what it wants, what it cries out for, has to be surrendered to my choices, to the will of God in my life.

Yeah, there's this phrase that Paul uses. He says, I beat my body and make it my slave. I don't want my body and its natural desires to have control over me. Now, this isn't some kind of I'm going to beat my body so that God will love me. This is I discipline myself like a very a very committed athlete because my normal bent is going to be away from the Lord.

Right. Because an athlete drinking soda instead of water is going to crash from the sugar, right? But an athlete trained to deny themselves the soda, just drink the water. Drink, you know, get some electrolytes in there to do the thing that helps their body to perform at its best is going to succeed.

LeBron James, the great basketball player for the Lakers. He spends $1 million on his body every year, what with the diet, with the training. He's got a person who's in charge of that million bucks a year.

That's wild. But commitment, right? Absolute commitment. I think this is where in the Christian life this is where fasting comes in. We fast so that we can tell ourselves no and learn to deal with it and trust that God is our provision in that moment. It's to to shift our our physical hunger can make us think about and lean into our relationship with God at a greater level.

Yeah. And we're we're living from grace. We're living because we have been given grace. And we have the power to do this because the Holy Spirit lives in this lives in us. So it's not the try harder thing. It's drawing from the power of the Holy Spirit. When we deny ourselves, it's like that's when we get to tap into the Holy Spirit.

Yeah. Yeah. This isn't trying harder ism.

No.

Nope. It's wanting to be more like Jesus ism. Christianity wanting to be like Christ and God's for this. He wants us for you too. He wants you to be spiritually stronger and knows that as you train your body that you can become spiritually stronger. It's a bit of a mystery, but it's a reality at the same time. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. So I'm going to train my flesh to be obedient to God's Spirit in me. And when I fail, because I will. And this is not about perfection, but when I do feel I'm going to accept God's grace and his forgiveness and his compassion and his kindness towards me, I will receive all of that, because all of that's mine and all of that's fully, fully true. And you should too. And then let's just keep going. Let's just keep going. Let's keep getting stronger and keep becoming a little bit more like Jesus every day.

There's grace for the world, not only for me and you. It was Good Friday. The worship gathering at church. We were singing Holy Forever. Every hand in the building was raised and I felt the love of God come pouring into my heart by the Holy Spirit. And the tears streamed down my cheeks. I can't tell you how many times I've had this experience and it never gets old. God keeps making me new. He keeps bringing the dead things in me to life. But as beautiful as these experiences are, and as much as I need them, they're not just for me or for you. They're for the world. So many have never experienced the love of God because they've had little to no chance to hear the gospel. Like the peoples of Afghanistan right before the Taliban took over Afghanistan in 2021. A young Muslim man, Jamil, called the seven satellite TV counseling center. And on the other end of the call was Isaac, a Jesus follower. Jamil didn't know anything about Jesus, but in his heart, he knew there had to be something better than striving to earn Allah's favor, but never knowing if you have it, there must be something better than the hatred of the terrorists. Jamil said, I'm so moved by what I'm hearing about Jesus. Can you tell me where he lives? I want to meet him.

Oh my goodness.

Yeah. He knew nothing about Jesus.

Tell me where he lives.

A week later, Jamil called back. Isaac was able to talk with him again. This time, there were 25 young men crammed into his tiny apartment in Afghanistan. Some were sitting in the bathroom, some in the kitchen. They sat on each other's laps. They were so hungry. Isaac shared with them, God loves you. You can be forgiven. You can be sure of eternal life by trusting Jesus performance and not your own. They wanted that more than life itself. All 25 men prayed in unison over the phone with Isaac, and the love of God came pouring into their hearts by the Holy Spirit. The spiritual thirst of the world is palpable, and it's a thirst for the Word of God. It's a thirst for the gospel, and it's a thirst that can't be quenched unless we send, unless we pray, unless we go.

Unless we love. Yeah, we need to love people with the love. You know, they encounter the love of Jesus in you and me. We get to do that.

Yeah. And in so many cases, it takes us uprooting our agenda at the very least. But maybe, like your daughter uprooting our lives to go to a place that has little to no access to the gospel. And so our country is gospel saturated. There are people around us, yes, who don't know the gospel. They don't understand the gospel, but they have us around them. And so the call is just to really be aware of those places in the world where there's no chance to hear the gospel, and just to pray that the gospel will come to those people groups. There's an amazing app that I would recommend. It's called the priority 100 Prayer App. It's free at your app store, and it focuses on the 100 peoples and places in the Muslim world that most need the gospel. So I encourage you, as you consider your role in getting the gospel to people who have no access to get that prayer app. Just go to your app store. Priority 100, priority 100 prayer app and begin to pray and see God. Use your prayers to reach the nations.

Thanks for letting Barry and Shawna walk the real life journey with you. The content from the Perry and Shawna podcast comes from their live show. Barry and Shawna. Mornings on 89.3 Moody Radio, Grand Rapids, Michigan. Reach out to us by texting 800 968 8930. And please subscribe.

Perry and Shawna Mornings

The Perry and Shawna Podcast: Real life conversations reminding you that you’re Abba’s child and tha 
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