Have you figured out your summer plans yet? Like your summer camps? Uh No, I'm still trying to figure out to PM today. And I know some summer camps are already sold out. They're sold out. It's mid January. I have done nothing nothing. I mean, who will I even be in July? That's what I do. I get into this fantasy world where I'm like July it will be so different, will be in the sun, there will be no schedules, will take along walks and play with puppies and travel to see family. Totally forgetting about the travel. Hell, I just survived. And also how I'm still gonna have to work and do things and make meals. You know, it's not just me and my kid and sacks of money and rolling meadows. I don't even know where a meadow is. It used to be chip, it's all that the sun. I think it's Stales, fun pantansa Joe. I was cool. Oh yeah's talk to be cool? Oh yeah, hey listeners, Hi, welcome. It's Sophia Eisenberg. This is Parenting is a joke where I bring together stand up comedians and talk to them about their life, their work, their career, and what it is like to have a kid or two thrown into the mix. I wonder how the funk are they doing it? And today I'll be talking to Judy Gold about parent guardian forms and the pre technology sperm bank experience. And I remember the doctor would to defrost it, put it in a coffee cup with look warm water coffee mug. It's like, oh, sorry, that was my earl gray. Hang on, question, what is the swearing policy in your house? So my sister in law claims my niece's first words word this is bullshit, which is cute and hilarious. I can't believe that's true. It is pretty cute. When little kids say bad words, you don't want to, you know, tell them that that's okay. And then there's a thing where they are thinking of a bad word, but it's not the one that you're thinking of. Like, there's a lot of talk of the H word in my house, and I don't know what that is. It's not hate that is said all the time. Said, hell, what's going on here? And then oh, there's the D word. He was like, oh, the D word. I was like, what is the D word? Is that dick or dick? Water? Or bag of dicks. Turns out he meant dumb, so the same thing. Cheap shot everybody H word and S wood. What is the S word? You can tell me, oh, stupid? Yeah, and a wood. Oh no, not that you said it. The act is the most dangerous for it. But we do not curse at home, like purposefully. We do not yet. Still, when my son was five years old, we got a call at home that he had taught the kids how to spell fuck hard. Not to be proud of that. You know, that's a sea in a k It's kind of advanced for his level, truly, but I know how it happened. We were on a hike, yeah, so idyllic, and we crossed this bridge where someone had graffitied on the ground of it fuck Trump. And my son was learning how to read. And I was like, oh no, So I stood on it, like you know, to make it disappear, and of course, drawing all attention to me, and he was like, what are you standing on? What are you standing on? And I also had to move because I couldn't stand there forever, so I moved and then he read it and I said, hey, you are not allowed to say either of those words, ever, because I see them potentially as both problematic. Uh. And you know what he did. He went to school. Did he teach them how to say the second one? No, todd him all how to say the first. And then, in the spirit of trying to make him feel better because he did feel bad, I told him of a story that I got in trouble in grade one for cursing, you know, in that like, hey, mommy messed up two in life and learned from it. In grade one, I turned to my friend beside me and I said, hey, do you want to hear a bad word? And she said yes, and I said ass And then she shot her head up in the air and told on me right then and there. I looked at her, like, what are you doing. She said to the teacher, well, Fara just said a bad word. And the teacher, miss Odell, I'll never forget you, said did you say a bad word of Fara? And I said yes, and she said come to the front of the class. And I stood up and walked up the aisle. It was like a procession of doom. And I got to her desk and she said, what bad word did you say? And I said the a word. But then this kid, Jason, shot his hand up into the air. Jason was the smart Alec boy who always got in trouble. And she said yes, Jason, and he said, perhaps she was referring to a donkey. And Miss O'Dell said to me, a fair were you referring to a donkey? And I said yes, and she said you may go sit back down. Jason saved my life. Everybody. The poor kid got in trouble all the time, probably because he was super smart and he just needed enrichment so he was acting out. But you know what they did back then, They punished you by making you stand in the corner of the room with your nose pointed to the corner. Basically, I don't know, being ostracized in some weird I have no idea how this was okay on any level, and clearly it solved zero problems. So wherever you are, Jason, I just want to say thank you. I told that story to my son, and as I'm thinking about it now, there's not a lot of good lessons entire story. But he said to me, what's the A word? And I said, asked, and he goes, oh, but what does it mean other than a donkey. So I guess I just taught him the word ass cool number one fucking mom Right over here, people, I'm excited for today's guest because I love her. We are also in studio, which is a treat. I know her from the stand up world. You know her from so many television shows, including I will say that she won two Daytime Emmy's for her work as a writer and producer on The Rosy O don Show. That was something I kind of remember, setting the stage for what is even possible for women to do in television. It is Judy Gold. Welcome, oh farett. Thank you so much for having me. I adore you. Your listeners are very lucky to have Hey. Thanks all right, Judy, So just tell me you have two kids. What are their names and ages? Henry is twenty six, Ben is twenty one. Both people. They're human beings there there. I have conversations with them, right. They're adults. They can drive, they can drink, they can do anything. I know, they could drink. It's crazy when they can drink. You know what, fra it. It is such a journey, and that old adage of it goes by so fast, it goes by so fast, like and you don't think it while you're in it, like when they're young, you know, the first year, and the second year, in the third year, you're you know, milestone, milestone, milestone, no sleep, no sleep this When is this going to end? When is this going to be over? I can't take it anymore? Um, and then it gets faster and faster. So the one thing I've noticed when I talked to new parents and then I talked to parents with older kids, is that parenting advice is totally different. So we're gonna play a little game with you. We played the first round with Katherine Rightman from Working Moms, but we loved it so much we found new questions. So this is Ran two, a vintage parenting advice. Okay, I can't wait. I Am going to share with you a piece of parenting advice, and you are going to decide if that is possible that that was real advice in the past, or if we're just joking around and made it up. Okay, I love games. Okay, so here we go. How about this. A good mother will bathe her newborn in lard in lard large lard animal fact. Yeah, I know what it is. I'm gonna say that it is oh outrageous that it's true. Yeah, okay, So it was originating the late nineteenth century continued through the thirties. So the idea of was that the lard would remove that waxy sort of um covering that a newborn way covering on exactly exactly. Yeah, yeah, that was very much like I got to get that weird stuff called the vernix. By the way, all right, if you are too loving towards your child, you will raise a socialist. What are you kidding? I don't know. Now, here's the deal. My parents were born in nineteen sixteen and nine two, and my mother was very tough and out. Sorry you're not quitting, and I know you want to come home, but too bad. I don't think it had anything to do with politics. Um, I can see someone saying that, Yes I can. Yes, I'm going to say that as true. Is it not true? So there's a nineteen sixty two quite famous that's my year of my birth. It's called Bringing Up Babies, I guess, very famous book. It was a response to the Cold War and the fear of communism, and basically the theory was that coddled children will become too dependent on their community to survive independently and be self sufficient. Oh my god, I know this is why you know I read paradic books to do you really? Oh my god, I really have to wonder what we'll be saying in they'll be reviving that now. I know the Marjorie tailor, right, and yeah, the front cover is like a Christmas card of everyone holding a gun on him. Alright, this one I love. Insert a small piece of soap into your baby's butt hole for three to five minutes a day to help potty train them. A piece of so A little tiny piece of soap. I mean, why not like a piece of carrot or something, um like one of those little MANI al right, um, I can see that. Oh god, it's got to be not true because I already said true, but I'm gonna say true, yeah, true, true. Yeah. So this is a real advice from a nine book called The Care and Feeding of Infants. And the idea was like, yeah, you get them used to doing this a piece of ship in their asks, but it wasn't the sanitary aspect of like is it okay to put a perfume piece of soap? But it was actually fell out of fashion because of freud really, because of Freudian theory that the whole, like penetrating the butt hole, would ruin the deep sensual pleasure babies get from pooping on their own, and you don't want to do that early to confuse, I can't take it. I can't. I can't tell you how much I enjoy pooping. Okay, Pregnant people shouldn't eat ice cream because it will give your unborn baby a cold? Are you kidding? Maybe I made it up. I don't know. I feel like all of these are real. Um, I'm gonna say real. You are correct once again. God. Yeah, it was thought that the eating of ice cream would cause a pregnant woman's body temperature to drop too low, which would make the babies cold, and then they would catch a cold. So women should not be allowed any pleasure at all in life? And who did a man? Man did this right? Yes, they've always had it out for women anyway. All right, here's the last one. Playing talk radio for your child will make them smart but depressed. Really, my mother listened to talk radio and I suffer from depression. What talk radio? Would you listen to the news? And you know, yeah, always the need to always growing up and it was like, coming up, Um, I think it's true. Alright, this one's a lie. It's basically I'm going to give it to you because it's half. So they do say that talk radio has proven to help kids with concentration. Really well, that didn't work for me, okay, but no evidence that it actually makes them sad unless they're I mean, unless they're listening to the news today exactly, which case depends on the year. Yeah. And of course Judy Gold got one in our game. Am I the only one who's got absolutely Okay? Yeah, of course you are in a game that has no stakes. I'm back with the wonderful Judy Gold. In case no one knows because I tried to hide it. I'm a lesbian who came out and ruined my career. But anyway, Uh so, Henry, my ex had Henry. I adopted him and then I had been five years later. She didn't adopt him until, um we had broken up, so he was about three or four or five five when when the adoption went through, And it was a precedent setting case in the state of New York because at the time it was because we there's no legal marriage and so when I adopted Henry, you know, I had the paperwork in before he was born. All I needed was the birth certificate. And then it took almost a year, like a ten eleven months eleven or twelve months actually for me for us to go to court and them too approved the adoption. When I had been my ex Sharon, she didn't you know, we were together, we were in this, you know, kids and this, and she just didn't do the paperwork. And then when we broke up, Um, not my doing, but um, I'm so much happier, uh blessing in disguise. But when we broke up, he was two and a half, Henry was seven and a half, and she had not done any of the paperwork. And it was so complicated because we weren't legally married. She's not in any way genetically linked linked to Ben and we didn't live together. So the first time that happened was with Woody Allen and Mia Faroh. And then this was the first you know LGB. Yeah, um, there was no tea yet, Uh couple who had you know? We went to court and and I was already with a Lisa, my my partner now fiance for sixteen years please, uh. And so we went to court. Henry was ten and Ben was five, and the judge you're in the judge's chambers and she says, do you too, do you understand what's happening here? And Henry's like, he's very emotionally mature, and he said yes, and he looked at Ben, you know, sitting next to him on the couch, and hugged him and said, now we're full brother and I and it was, you know, it was so emotional. I'm like, yeah, you know, it was so because you have to realize Sharon initiated the breakup and my family was like, no, that's your And did I hate that? People still say that to me, People say, well, he's yours and the other one and I'm just like shocked. Can I curse on this? Of course? The fuck up. I didn't want Henry to be going back and forth and Ben to be in one place. We had them together, and I wanted them to be bonded and to be brothers. And that was the most important thing that they, you know, had this bond in relationship and they were meant to be brothers. And so we did it um and at Ben's bar, mitzvah Um. Sharon got up in front of everyone and said, I didn't know if he would, you know, be my child, and I want to say thank you. And it was the and she was like in tears, and and it was you know, I see so much nature versus nurture. Well I was gonna say that. I mean, it's I look at my own son, and and one part of it, I just go, you are completely your own person, like I write, so little to do with this, And then there's other parts where I'm like, oh, he's sensitive because I'm sensitive. And he's got a good music here because my husband, you know, and we're making we're just creating stories. But it gets it gets more involved as as they get older, you see more of yourself in them. And so with Sharon, you look at Henry and going, oh my god, yes, oh. And sometimes it was so weird after we broke up, and there were you know, contentious times and and acrimonious feelings, and I would then have a fight with Henry and I have to remind myself he's not Sharon. He's not Sharon. He's Henry, you know. But it's the exact same fight. Um or the way or the method of fighting is the exact same. You're like, oh, so it's totally nature, but it's also right. But then I see Henry, I mean, you know Henry. I see the nurture, I see the effect I had on him, And I'm really close with him. Yeah, I'm I mean, I mean, hope Sharon doesn't hear this, but I think I'm closer to him than she is, uh now, in that because we're similar. He tortured me growing up, like, you have a normal job like everyone else. You can't, Oh my god, why can't you be normal? And and he like he hated it, even though I did take the every one of them their classes up until sixth grade on a field trip to a comedy club. Yes, and I told them everything about what it's like to be a comedian, where they take the tickets, how we know when to get off stage with the m C and opening like I went, and then I let them all get on stage and tell a joke. It was like their favorite field trip. I should do that. What was he envisioning? Who was he around? Because you're in New York, so everyone in New York already is not living in a suburban house where the backyard and neighbors that they just run to. So we're already in a city living and then you you imagine you have neighbors in your building that you're interacting with. Village. My building has been written up because it really is like a kibbutz and everyone. I mean, I'd run to go do a set at Stand Up, New York because it was the closest one to my house, and and you know, one of the neighbor's kids would come in and sit with the kids. Or we've walked down that road a few times in my life when things have messed up according to plans. It's but it's you know, it's so interesting because you know, you're a completely different person after you have children, because it's not all about you and and comics and people in the theater. It's always all about them. And then all of a sudden they're like, oh, I have been worried. And I will admit that in the very beginning, I would lie to the bookers if I had to cancel for whatever reason that was printed into my child and I would say, I got a corporate gig. That's what I would say. I got Sorry, I got a really high paying corporate gig because I was so afraid if I said my kid is sick, da dada, that they would just be like, oh, you have a kid, I'm not going to book you anymore. And do you think any of the male comics I ever felt like that. No. They call up all the time. My kids have been tonsil surgery and and they're all like, oh, he's such a good father. Yeah, oh, it's kids having to you know. No, too bad, bad, too bad? Uh No, I never, I never did. I did bring them to gigs a lot. You know, Henry went to a lot of gigs with me before Ben was born. Um, and you know when they were like, you know, Ben was twelve, I'm like, just come with me down to the club and you know, and it was fine. When did you start talking about them on stage or just actually your experience as a parent immediately. Well, so that's a great question because when I was not out on stage, Um, I was a mainstream comic and I'm this is I'm working on this, my show, my show is coming out, and this is a pivotal moment in my life and my career because you know Eddie, Eddie Sadie, who's you know, my co writer we were talking about coming out and you live your life as someone else. You've created this character um that everyone thinks they know. And then and you come out and it's like, wait what Once I had kids? I had first of all, there's no better material, no better material. I mean, my mother was a gold mine, um pun intenda. But you know, you have children, and it is a universal no matter how you had them. Family is universal. And I had these great jokes and I was like, you're not stopping me, you know, from doing this material. I'm not hiding who I am. And what kind of message is that to my kids to say, listen, we don't um, we don't talk about this. And you know, I wanted them to be as proud as I was. Well, they were proud, you know, like Henry was so proud of his family. And I think a lot of people don't realize this that, you know, when you're a different FAMI kind of family, your kids have to come out every day because it's constant. You know, Ben and I would get in a kab six ft eight now, but he was always gigantic, like, oh he's so tall, it's father tall. And I could make something up and so I don't have to talk about it. But then I have my son there. He doesn't have a father, um, he has two mothers. And I wanted to ingrain that that's what you say and you are normal and this is And I wrote an article for Huffington Post because when he was getting did you ever read I read it and it is so um powerful and you're dealing with a child who has to go through a bit of surgery, which is frightening as it is. But then I can't imagine approaching the form and looking at the what they're asking for and going this is not applicable to my family, to who I am. Well, it started actually in kindergarten with the family trees and the Mother's Day and all of these things. Henry's like, well, what do I write? You know? And I called Christine Quinn, who is an amazing person, and I said I knew her. I said, these forms have to be changed to parent guardian, parent guardian. I said, this is ridiculous. And it wasn't just about gay parents. It was about kids who lost their parents in nine eleven, kids whose parents were incarcerated, kids whose parents you know, left kids with you know, who were living with their grandparents, Like, this is not okay, and she she changed the form, the public school forms. And then I get to this point where I guess Ben's about eleven or something. He's getting his tonsils scraped. They don't take them out, yeah, and so they can grow back and you can have another surgery. But we're you know, we're at the doctor's office and they're on Sharon's insurance because I'm a comedian and the healthcare is amazing at Gotham Comedy Club. Yeah, so, and the disability and the life insurance. Um. So we're at the doctor and you know, I am with the sharpie cross mother mother or parent parents. I usually write parent parent. I get to the desk, the front desks as we're checking out. The woman is like flustered, and she's she gets on the phone. I like, I don't even know what she's saying. She's like, all right, and then she hangs up and she looks up and says, so, which one is the real mother? Perfect choice of words. And I said, oh my god. Number one, Uh, if you're asking who is bio mom is, that's me? And number two don't ever ask a gay parent that question. Ever again, and I said it firm but kind, but I wanted him to see that that he can speak up for himself. And then the story goes on and on to you. We get to the hospital and they won't let Sharon in, and I see a straight couple going in, both of them going into pre op, you know, to be with them when they go under. And I said, well, why are they going in? Well, they're married. I'm like, there, no, there, we're both Those are his parents. It was. It went on to the point he was home and I ran out to get him ice cream at the bodega across the street and he picks up the phone and he says, Mommy, I don't know what to do. They just called to see how I was feeling, and they said, is your mom or dad home? And that was it. And I wrote this article. It was used as a learning tool, and the president of Columbia Presbyterian actually wrote to me and called me. We were saying when he wrote to you, what did He apologized, He said, We're going to use this as a learning tool. Thank you. That's the whole cancel culture thing to me is like, you know, I spoke out and they agreed and we're they're going to change, and then I can't fault them for that now, because that's what you want. You want people to a box, right, listen, right, So exactly all these experiences translated from my kids to the playground. You know, Ben plays basketball, he's been playing competitive basketball since you know, he's in junior high school. And you know, the constant, you know, you're a faggot, you're gay, you're not on the court. I remember two stories where one Henry was playing baseball and he's the catcher and the guy it was like, you get whatever, and Henry put his glove down and said, don't you ever call me that again. My parents are getting like this is like, uh in Central Park, you know, one of those fields. And the coach of the other team came over, apologized and came out to his team. Yes. And then Ben, I remember once fifth grade, I don't know, playing basketball and when kids like the whole time, Ben beats him, of course, and after and he's like, and Ben says to him at the end of the d why do you hate gay people? And he's like, oh, you're gay people. He said, When when you talk like that, it sounds like you hate gay people, they have learned to deal with it. I mean, of course Henry is always like I'm gonna punch you know, but right, but it wasn't like we're gonna go have a mediation, right, But it's it's interesting how you behave in public and how much it affects your children and how they behave and how they just sponge it up. Right when you were talking about Henry who so he was born in so technology was very different then, right, None, none had a beeper. I was working at the Rosee O Donald Show with my deeper like I was a doctor, but yeah, I had a beeper in case something happened to him or anything. But yeah, there was nothing. I got a beeper when she was like eight months pregnant. And as a gay woman that is going into us a sperm bank in Hollywood, I suppose. Well, we found out there weren't that many, and the California Cryobank was the sperm bank and it was regulated. And so we got the forms sent to us like a huge package. We asked for the Jewish catalog be cool as with Jewish, and I thought, you know, I'd like, I'd like, right, I want them to have as much mental illness as I have, Like, it's not fair for you to get another whole other thing in there to regulate. Okay, So this is before you could find out who you know, there were no open donor I don't know, and so or they can find out when they're eighteen or is. It's like right, we picked one. It took Sharon like nineteen tries to get pregnant. But I remember they had how good looking they were, like as one to seven or something or yeah. There was something about you know, they're subject and I so I called up and I said, how do you pick that? And They're like, we all just you know, and I'm like, oh my god, really like we do a little so um. So we had done this all through the mail and then you pick your sperm, you buy it, they store it, and then they FedEx it because you know, depending on when the doctor says you're ready, um, and they send it and I remember the doctor would to defrost it, put it in a coffee cup with lukewarm water coffee mug like oh sorry, that was my hang on. And then we named him earle Hey now Peo. So by the time it was Ben's turn, you could get a baby picture of the Yeah, you could bring a picture of your partner and they could match their baby picture with the partner's baby. It was beyond ridiculous. Did you use the same No, there was none left. We contacted that one and he said nope. And so my kids are not genetically linked at all, but they are brothers through and through. Yeah. Sometimes I look at my family that I'm very genetically through and we look at each other like, how is this pos right? I do that too, um, But it's so funny because I'm with Henry all the time and they're like, god, you look alike, and we're like, really, that's that's so funny. So when you decided to talk about your kids on stage in your act, and therefore also had to come out as a gay person and a gay parent, you did it rightly in the beginning, like, well I have I was like, there were so many great jokes, you know before I didn't talk about it because I didn't Was it because I didn't want to be pigeonholed? Which I didn't, But I didn't really have we I was in a relationship. It was a different time. It was the eighties, um, and there were out comedians who were fantastic, but I didn't have any material and I wasn't I don't know. When I became a gay parent, I was like, no, I I need to tell the world about this. You could hear the shift in the audience in the beginning who had seen my HBO special or they had seen me on something or All America. I was on All American Girl. I was on all these shows. I would go to these clubs and I would talk about my family and they were like, wait, what you know? And of course agents and managers shut up. They said, you know, don't talk about that. But more often they said, don't be so Jewish. That was if you look at my head shots from back then, I have straight hair, They're like straight in your hair. I was like, oh my god. But yeah, you could hear a shift and then they would forget about it because it was the same shit they were going through as parents, but with a twist, because people make assumptions, you know. And the joy was people coming up to me after the show thanking me. And the biggest joy now is kids and young comics saying I saw you and you I was like, who's this big loud lesbian talking about her family. I was like, oh my god. You know, like you change people's lives definitely, you change the dialogue of what is just you normalize it by the way that it was like I've been waiting for this my entire life, right because representation is everything everything. And I will say there's like it's sort of interesting too because now, especially stand up in New York, as we both experienced it, if someone isn't talking about how they have a non mainstream life, you're just sort of like, well, it's true. And I have to say people are always like, how do you bring up your kids in New York It My mother grew up in New York, and the whole time we were living in New Jersey was like, oh god, it would have been so much easier to bring you up in New York. And it first of all, we don't have to get in cars and drive them to play dates and then sit there with the parent where you're like, oh my god, I'm gonna kill myself. You know, there's parks. There's I live by Riverside Park and Central Park. Okay, there's clubs. You're weird. There's someone weirder than you that's living two doors down. You know, I got bullied so much as a kid, and I remember I would say to my kids, if there is anyone being bullied in school who's tall or overweight or gay, And every day I would be like, you go stick up from them, and and they'd be like, money, no one does that here, okay, graving Jersey went on, I don't no one care. There is something you said that has stuck in my brain. You know, a lot of comics we know who are parents too, are like crazy, and I'm always like, how do you do that? I can't. I just can't do that right now. I just can't go on the out for a month. You said something akin too like I chose to be around, right. I didn't want to miss out. But I mean there were sometimes I was away for like two or three weeks, but then I would have Sharon come with the kids, you know, or to meet you, and especially if it was like a good gig. You know. I remember going to Florida and I was like, let's bring the kids and we'll go to Disney World. And I'm thinking, what the funk am I doing? I'm doing two shows on a Friday. I get home at one o'clock in the morning, and then I got to get up at seven to go fucking walk around Disney World. But it's like, I'll do it. I'll do it so I can be with my kids. I did the first spot at Stand Up New York or something whatever, and then I was like, I got my set in. I'm still in shape. You don't get the time back. You don't get it back. It goes by so fast and you're like, wow, I'm free. Now. We didn't have face time now, we didn't have com shuters. When I would go away, Henry would go to daycare and they'd be in morning meeting and it's like, you know, what's new with him? And he would be like, my mom's away. And so we made this book. It's in a notebook and my friend illustrated. It's called when Mommy Goes Away. It sounds like Mommy's dead. But so it's the worst title. But I went through, like at that time, I was doing Hollywood Squares a lot, and so I and so I we did this whole when Mommy goes away. First she packs, you know, and then I did everything from getting on the plane and all she's thinking about Henry and blah blah blah, and it went. I went through everything I did, and then I finally come home. But it's always like Mommy can't wait to tell Henry blank and Mommy's you know. And he would every time I went away, he would bring the book and they would read the book. Oh my goodness. Judy Gold, thank you so much. You can catch Judy on tour because guess what her kids are grown January to at the Comedy Loft of d C. That's in Washington, d C. You can see her on February fourth at the Anel Performing Arts Center in New Jersey, and then go see her one woman show called Yes I Can Say that March fourth through April nineteen at fifty nine East fifty ninth Theaters in New York City. She's at Judy Gold, but it's like jew J J W and I get a lot of ship from them. Thank you so much, Thank you all, Fiera. That's our show. Thank you so much for listening. And hey, welcome to all of our new listeners. Please go over to Apple Podcast, give us a five star rating and review. Just do it because I said so okay. Now follow us on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook at parenting is a joke. Twitter at parenting joke, And hey, we have a monthly newsletter. Yeah, we're getting it together people, d m us. Go to our website Parenting is a joke po dot com to sign up and get more details. Hey, you can also come see me live if you want to do that great. In addition to stand up, I am also doing a solo show, Everybody Off Broadway, run at the Soho Playhouse three weekends in February. It's called Leaving a Mark, a comedy about scars because guess what, I'm covered in scars, real ones, people, head to toe, all from different points in my life. So this is about identity, flesh, sex. There's a little bit of acceptance, just a tad. Don't be scared. It's an evening out of storytelling, theater, comedy. I'll buy you a drink. Seriously, if you're saying I came to this because I heard you, I will buy you a drink. Get a discount ticket. Listeners of this podcast use the code scar talk one word. All the info is all fear Eisenberg dot com or at Soho Playhouse dot com. Follow me on the socials at o fearra E. Our episode is produced by me and Julie smith m. Our editor is Nita Porzuki. Our sound designer is Tina Toby Mac. Our game writer is Emily Winter. Our theme song is by a dear m Ram and the experience special thanks to all of the engineers at City Voux. And we'll leave you with a little something from Judy's son, Henry. So, your mom made you this book. Do you remember this book that your mom made you? Yeah. Gary Cordon, who is a huge, huge production designer, did Kim peel cranky Ankers. I'm missing a bunch off the top of my head, but he's like the art director for Comedy Central, designs all the sets everything. He's good friends with my mom, and he came over and illustrated a whole book that basically describes what my mom does when she's headlining on the road. And do you still have it? I do. I haven't looked at it in a while, but I mean the illustrations are straight from Gary, so they're emmy. They're emmy level illustrations. Your mom claimed to me that you tell people that Judy Gold is your mom to help you get laid. Is that true? Um I think like maybe like six years ago, not anymore.

Have you figured out your summer plans yet? Like your summer camps? Uh No, I'm still trying to figure out to PM today. And I know some summer camps are already sold out. They're sold out. It's mid January. I have done nothing nothing. I mean, who will I even be in July? That's what I do. I get into this fantasy world where I'm like July it will be so different, will be in the sun, there will be no schedules, will take along walks and play with puppies and travel to see family. Totally forgetting about the travel. Hell, I just survived. And also how I'm still gonna have to work and do things and make meals. You know, it's not just me and my kid and sacks of money and rolling meadows. I don't even know where a meadow is. It used to be chip, it's all that the sun. I think it's Stales, fun pantansa Joe. I was cool. Oh yeah's talk to be cool? Oh yeah, hey listeners, Hi, welcome. It's Sophia Eisenberg. This is Parenting is a joke where I bring together stand up comedians and talk to them about their life, their work, their career, and what it is like to have a kid or two thrown into the mix. I wonder how the funk are they doing it? And today I'll be talking to Judy Gold about parent guardian forms and the pre technology sperm bank experience. And I remember the doctor would to defrost it, put it in a coffee cup with look warm water coffee mug. It's like, oh, sorry, that was my earl gray. Hang on, question, what is the swearing policy in your house? So my sister in law claims my niece's first words word this is bullshit, which is cute and hilarious. I can't believe that's true. It is pretty cute. When little kids say bad words, you don't want to, you know, tell them that that's okay. And then there's a thing where they are thinking of a bad word, but it's not the one that you're thinking of. Like, there's a lot of talk of the H word in my house, and I don't know what that is. It's not hate that is said all the time. Said, hell, what's going on here? And then oh, there's the D word. He was like, oh, the D word. I was like, what is the D word? Is that dick or dick? Water? Or bag of dicks. Turns out he meant dumb, so the same thing. Cheap shot everybody H word and S wood. What is the S word? You can tell me, oh, stupid? Yeah, and a wood. Oh no, not that you said it. The act is the most dangerous for it. But we do not curse at home, like purposefully. We do not yet. Still, when my son was five years old, we got a call at home that he had taught the kids how to spell fuck hard. Not to be proud of that. You know, that's a sea in a k It's kind of advanced for his level, truly, but I know how it happened. We were on a hike, yeah, so idyllic, and we crossed this bridge where someone had graffitied on the ground of it fuck Trump. And my son was learning how to read. And I was like, oh no, So I stood on it, like you know, to make it disappear, and of course, drawing all attention to me, and he was like, what are you standing on? What are you standing on? And I also had to move because I couldn't stand there forever, so I moved and then he read it and I said, hey, you are not allowed to say either of those words, ever, because I see them potentially as both problematic. Uh. And you know what he did. He went to school. Did he teach them how to say the second one? No, todd him all how to say the first. And then, in the spirit of trying to make him feel better because he did feel bad, I told him of a story that I got in trouble in grade one for cursing, you know, in that like, hey, mommy messed up two in life and learned from it. In grade one, I turned to my friend beside me and I said, hey, do you want to hear a bad word? And she said yes, and I said ass And then she shot her head up in the air and told on me right then and there. I looked at her, like, what are you doing. She said to the teacher, well, Fara just said a bad word. And the teacher, miss Odell, I'll never forget you, said did you say a bad word of Fara? And I said yes, and she said come to the front of the class. And I stood up and walked up the aisle. It was like a procession of doom. And I got to her desk and she said, what bad word did you say? And I said the a word. But then this kid, Jason, shot his hand up into the air. Jason was the smart Alec boy who always got in trouble. And she said yes, Jason, and he said, perhaps she was referring to a donkey. And Miss O'Dell said to me, a fair were you referring to a donkey? And I said yes, and she said you may go sit back down. Jason saved my life. Everybody. The poor kid got in trouble all the time, probably because he was super smart and he just needed enrichment so he was acting out. But you know what they did back then, They punished you by making you stand in the corner of the room with your nose pointed to the corner. Basically, I don't know, being ostracized in some weird I have no idea how this was okay on any level, and clearly it solved zero problems. So wherever you are, Jason, I just want to say thank you. I told that story to my son, and as I'm thinking about it now, there's not a lot of good lessons entire story. But he said to me, what's the A word? And I said, asked, and he goes, oh, but what does it mean other than a donkey. So I guess I just taught him the word ass cool number one fucking mom Right over here, people, I'm excited for today's guest because I love her. We are also in studio, which is a treat. I know her from the stand up world. You know her from so many television shows, including I will say that she won two Daytime Emmy's for her work as a writer and producer on The Rosy O don Show. That was something I kind of remember, setting the stage for what is even possible for women to do in television. It is Judy Gold. Welcome, oh farett. Thank you so much for having me. I adore you. Your listeners are very lucky to have Hey. Thanks all right, Judy, So just tell me you have two kids. What are their names and ages? Henry is twenty six, Ben is twenty one. Both people. They're human beings there there. I have conversations with them, right. They're adults. They can drive, they can drink, they can do anything. I know, they could drink. It's crazy when they can drink. You know what, fra it. It is such a journey, and that old adage of it goes by so fast, it goes by so fast, like and you don't think it while you're in it, like when they're young, you know, the first year, and the second year, in the third year, you're you know, milestone, milestone, milestone, no sleep, no sleep this When is this going to end? When is this going to be over? I can't take it anymore? Um, and then it gets faster and faster. So the one thing I've noticed when I talked to new parents and then I talked to parents with older kids, is that parenting advice is totally different. So we're gonna play a little game with you. We played the first round with Katherine Rightman from Working Moms, but we loved it so much we found new questions. So this is Ran two, a vintage parenting advice. Okay, I can't wait. I Am going to share with you a piece of parenting advice, and you are going to decide if that is possible that that was real advice in the past, or if we're just joking around and made it up. Okay, I love games. Okay, so here we go. How about this. A good mother will bathe her newborn in lard in lard large lard animal fact. Yeah, I know what it is. I'm gonna say that it is oh outrageous that it's true. Yeah, okay, So it was originating the late nineteenth century continued through the thirties. So the idea of was that the lard would remove that waxy sort of um covering that a newborn way covering on exactly exactly. Yeah, yeah, that was very much like I got to get that weird stuff called the vernix. By the way, all right, if you are too loving towards your child, you will raise a socialist. What are you kidding? I don't know. Now, here's the deal. My parents were born in nineteen sixteen and nine two, and my mother was very tough and out. Sorry you're not quitting, and I know you want to come home, but too bad. I don't think it had anything to do with politics. Um, I can see someone saying that, Yes I can. Yes, I'm going to say that as true. Is it not true? So there's a nineteen sixty two quite famous that's my year of my birth. It's called Bringing Up Babies, I guess, very famous book. It was a response to the Cold War and the fear of communism, and basically the theory was that coddled children will become too dependent on their community to survive independently and be self sufficient. Oh my god, I know this is why you know I read paradic books to do you really? Oh my god, I really have to wonder what we'll be saying in they'll be reviving that now. I know the Marjorie tailor, right, and yeah, the front cover is like a Christmas card of everyone holding a gun on him. Alright, this one I love. Insert a small piece of soap into your baby's butt hole for three to five minutes a day to help potty train them. A piece of so A little tiny piece of soap. I mean, why not like a piece of carrot or something, um like one of those little MANI al right, um, I can see that. Oh god, it's got to be not true because I already said true, but I'm gonna say true, yeah, true, true. Yeah. So this is a real advice from a nine book called The Care and Feeding of Infants. And the idea was like, yeah, you get them used to doing this a piece of ship in their asks, but it wasn't the sanitary aspect of like is it okay to put a perfume piece of soap? But it was actually fell out of fashion because of freud really, because of Freudian theory that the whole, like penetrating the butt hole, would ruin the deep sensual pleasure babies get from pooping on their own, and you don't want to do that early to confuse, I can't take it. I can't. I can't tell you how much I enjoy pooping. Okay, Pregnant people shouldn't eat ice cream because it will give your unborn baby a cold? Are you kidding? Maybe I made it up. I don't know. I feel like all of these are real. Um, I'm gonna say real. You are correct once again. God. Yeah, it was thought that the eating of ice cream would cause a pregnant woman's body temperature to drop too low, which would make the babies cold, and then they would catch a cold. So women should not be allowed any pleasure at all in life? And who did a man? Man did this right? Yes, they've always had it out for women anyway. All right, here's the last one. Playing talk radio for your child will make them smart but depressed. Really, my mother listened to talk radio and I suffer from depression. What talk radio? Would you listen to the news? And you know, yeah, always the need to always growing up and it was like, coming up, Um, I think it's true. Alright, this one's a lie. It's basically I'm going to give it to you because it's half. So they do say that talk radio has proven to help kids with concentration. Really well, that didn't work for me, okay, but no evidence that it actually makes them sad unless they're I mean, unless they're listening to the news today exactly, which case depends on the year. Yeah. And of course Judy Gold got one in our game. Am I the only one who's got absolutely Okay? Yeah, of course you are in a game that has no stakes. I'm back with the wonderful Judy Gold. In case no one knows because I tried to hide it. I'm a lesbian who came out and ruined my career. But anyway, Uh so, Henry, my ex had Henry. I adopted him and then I had been five years later. She didn't adopt him until, um we had broken up, so he was about three or four or five five when when the adoption went through, And it was a precedent setting case in the state of New York because at the time it was because we there's no legal marriage and so when I adopted Henry, you know, I had the paperwork in before he was born. All I needed was the birth certificate. And then it took almost a year, like a ten eleven months eleven or twelve months actually for me for us to go to court and them too approved the adoption. When I had been my ex Sharon, she didn't you know, we were together, we were in this, you know, kids and this, and she just didn't do the paperwork. And then when we broke up, Um, not my doing, but um, I'm so much happier, uh blessing in disguise. But when we broke up, he was two and a half, Henry was seven and a half, and she had not done any of the paperwork. And it was so complicated because we weren't legally married. She's not in any way genetically linked linked to Ben and we didn't live together. So the first time that happened was with Woody Allen and Mia Faroh. And then this was the first you know LGB. Yeah, um, there was no tea yet, Uh couple who had you know? We went to court and and I was already with a Lisa, my my partner now fiance for sixteen years please, uh. And so we went to court. Henry was ten and Ben was five, and the judge you're in the judge's chambers and she says, do you too, do you understand what's happening here? And Henry's like, he's very emotionally mature, and he said yes, and he looked at Ben, you know, sitting next to him on the couch, and hugged him and said, now we're full brother and I and it was, you know, it was so emotional. I'm like, yeah, you know, it was so because you have to realize Sharon initiated the breakup and my family was like, no, that's your And did I hate that? People still say that to me, People say, well, he's yours and the other one and I'm just like shocked. Can I curse on this? Of course? The fuck up. I didn't want Henry to be going back and forth and Ben to be in one place. We had them together, and I wanted them to be bonded and to be brothers. And that was the most important thing that they, you know, had this bond in relationship and they were meant to be brothers. And so we did it um and at Ben's bar, mitzvah Um. Sharon got up in front of everyone and said, I didn't know if he would, you know, be my child, and I want to say thank you. And it was the and she was like in tears, and and it was you know, I see so much nature versus nurture. Well I was gonna say that. I mean, it's I look at my own son, and and one part of it, I just go, you are completely your own person, like I write, so little to do with this, And then there's other parts where I'm like, oh, he's sensitive because I'm sensitive. And he's got a good music here because my husband, you know, and we're making we're just creating stories. But it gets it gets more involved as as they get older, you see more of yourself in them. And so with Sharon, you look at Henry and going, oh my god, yes, oh. And sometimes it was so weird after we broke up, and there were you know, contentious times and and acrimonious feelings, and I would then have a fight with Henry and I have to remind myself he's not Sharon. He's not Sharon. He's Henry, you know. But it's the exact same fight. Um or the way or the method of fighting is the exact same. You're like, oh, so it's totally nature, but it's also right. But then I see Henry, I mean, you know Henry. I see the nurture, I see the effect I had on him, And I'm really close with him. Yeah, I'm I mean, I mean, hope Sharon doesn't hear this, but I think I'm closer to him than she is, uh now, in that because we're similar. He tortured me growing up, like, you have a normal job like everyone else. You can't, Oh my god, why can't you be normal? And and he like he hated it, even though I did take the every one of them their classes up until sixth grade on a field trip to a comedy club. Yes, and I told them everything about what it's like to be a comedian, where they take the tickets, how we know when to get off stage with the m C and opening like I went, and then I let them all get on stage and tell a joke. It was like their favorite field trip. I should do that. What was he envisioning? Who was he around? Because you're in New York, so everyone in New York already is not living in a suburban house where the backyard and neighbors that they just run to. So we're already in a city living and then you you imagine you have neighbors in your building that you're interacting with. Village. My building has been written up because it really is like a kibbutz and everyone. I mean, I'd run to go do a set at Stand Up, New York because it was the closest one to my house, and and you know, one of the neighbor's kids would come in and sit with the kids. Or we've walked down that road a few times in my life when things have messed up according to plans. It's but it's you know, it's so interesting because you know, you're a completely different person after you have children, because it's not all about you and and comics and people in the theater. It's always all about them. And then all of a sudden they're like, oh, I have been worried. And I will admit that in the very beginning, I would lie to the bookers if I had to cancel for whatever reason that was printed into my child and I would say, I got a corporate gig. That's what I would say. I got Sorry, I got a really high paying corporate gig because I was so afraid if I said my kid is sick, da dada, that they would just be like, oh, you have a kid, I'm not going to book you anymore. And do you think any of the male comics I ever felt like that. No. They call up all the time. My kids have been tonsil surgery and and they're all like, oh, he's such a good father. Yeah, oh, it's kids having to you know. No, too bad, bad, too bad? Uh No, I never, I never did. I did bring them to gigs a lot. You know, Henry went to a lot of gigs with me before Ben was born. Um, and you know when they were like, you know, Ben was twelve, I'm like, just come with me down to the club and you know, and it was fine. When did you start talking about them on stage or just actually your experience as a parent immediately. Well, so that's a great question because when I was not out on stage, Um, I was a mainstream comic and I'm this is I'm working on this, my show, my show is coming out, and this is a pivotal moment in my life and my career because you know Eddie, Eddie Sadie, who's you know, my co writer we were talking about coming out and you live your life as someone else. You've created this character um that everyone thinks they know. And then and you come out and it's like, wait what Once I had kids? I had first of all, there's no better material, no better material. I mean, my mother was a gold mine, um pun intenda. But you know, you have children, and it is a universal no matter how you had them. Family is universal. And I had these great jokes and I was like, you're not stopping me, you know, from doing this material. I'm not hiding who I am. And what kind of message is that to my kids to say, listen, we don't um, we don't talk about this. And you know, I wanted them to be as proud as I was. Well, they were proud, you know, like Henry was so proud of his family. And I think a lot of people don't realize this that, you know, when you're a different FAMI kind of family, your kids have to come out every day because it's constant. You know, Ben and I would get in a kab six ft eight now, but he was always gigantic, like, oh he's so tall, it's father tall. And I could make something up and so I don't have to talk about it. But then I have my son there. He doesn't have a father, um, he has two mothers. And I wanted to ingrain that that's what you say and you are normal and this is And I wrote an article for Huffington Post because when he was getting did you ever read I read it and it is so um powerful and you're dealing with a child who has to go through a bit of surgery, which is frightening as it is. But then I can't imagine approaching the form and looking at the what they're asking for and going this is not applicable to my family, to who I am. Well, it started actually in kindergarten with the family trees and the Mother's Day and all of these things. Henry's like, well, what do I write? You know? And I called Christine Quinn, who is an amazing person, and I said I knew her. I said, these forms have to be changed to parent guardian, parent guardian. I said, this is ridiculous. And it wasn't just about gay parents. It was about kids who lost their parents in nine eleven, kids whose parents were incarcerated, kids whose parents you know, left kids with you know, who were living with their grandparents, Like, this is not okay, and she she changed the form, the public school forms. And then I get to this point where I guess Ben's about eleven or something. He's getting his tonsils scraped. They don't take them out, yeah, and so they can grow back and you can have another surgery. But we're you know, we're at the doctor's office and they're on Sharon's insurance because I'm a comedian and the healthcare is amazing at Gotham Comedy Club. Yeah, so, and the disability and the life insurance. Um. So we're at the doctor and you know, I am with the sharpie cross mother mother or parent parents. I usually write parent parent. I get to the desk, the front desks as we're checking out. The woman is like flustered, and she's she gets on the phone. I like, I don't even know what she's saying. She's like, all right, and then she hangs up and she looks up and says, so, which one is the real mother? Perfect choice of words. And I said, oh my god. Number one, Uh, if you're asking who is bio mom is, that's me? And number two don't ever ask a gay parent that question. Ever again, and I said it firm but kind, but I wanted him to see that that he can speak up for himself. And then the story goes on and on to you. We get to the hospital and they won't let Sharon in, and I see a straight couple going in, both of them going into pre op, you know, to be with them when they go under. And I said, well, why are they going in? Well, they're married. I'm like, there, no, there, we're both Those are his parents. It was. It went on to the point he was home and I ran out to get him ice cream at the bodega across the street and he picks up the phone and he says, Mommy, I don't know what to do. They just called to see how I was feeling, and they said, is your mom or dad home? And that was it. And I wrote this article. It was used as a learning tool, and the president of Columbia Presbyterian actually wrote to me and called me. We were saying when he wrote to you, what did He apologized, He said, We're going to use this as a learning tool. Thank you. That's the whole cancel culture thing to me is like, you know, I spoke out and they agreed and we're they're going to change, and then I can't fault them for that now, because that's what you want. You want people to a box, right, listen, right, So exactly all these experiences translated from my kids to the playground. You know, Ben plays basketball, he's been playing competitive basketball since you know, he's in junior high school. And you know, the constant, you know, you're a faggot, you're gay, you're not on the court. I remember two stories where one Henry was playing baseball and he's the catcher and the guy it was like, you get whatever, and Henry put his glove down and said, don't you ever call me that again. My parents are getting like this is like, uh in Central Park, you know, one of those fields. And the coach of the other team came over, apologized and came out to his team. Yes. And then Ben, I remember once fifth grade, I don't know, playing basketball and when kids like the whole time, Ben beats him, of course, and after and he's like, and Ben says to him at the end of the d why do you hate gay people? And he's like, oh, you're gay people. He said, When when you talk like that, it sounds like you hate gay people, they have learned to deal with it. I mean, of course Henry is always like I'm gonna punch you know, but right, but it wasn't like we're gonna go have a mediation, right, But it's it's interesting how you behave in public and how much it affects your children and how they behave and how they just sponge it up. Right when you were talking about Henry who so he was born in so technology was very different then, right, None, none had a beeper. I was working at the Rosee O Donald Show with my deeper like I was a doctor, but yeah, I had a beeper in case something happened to him or anything. But yeah, there was nothing. I got a beeper when she was like eight months pregnant. And as a gay woman that is going into us a sperm bank in Hollywood, I suppose. Well, we found out there weren't that many, and the California Cryobank was the sperm bank and it was regulated. And so we got the forms sent to us like a huge package. We asked for the Jewish catalog be cool as with Jewish, and I thought, you know, I'd like, I'd like, right, I want them to have as much mental illness as I have, Like, it's not fair for you to get another whole other thing in there to regulate. Okay, So this is before you could find out who you know, there were no open donor I don't know, and so or they can find out when they're eighteen or is. It's like right, we picked one. It took Sharon like nineteen tries to get pregnant. But I remember they had how good looking they were, like as one to seven or something or yeah. There was something about you know, they're subject and I so I called up and I said, how do you pick that? And They're like, we all just you know, and I'm like, oh my god, really like we do a little so um. So we had done this all through the mail and then you pick your sperm, you buy it, they store it, and then they FedEx it because you know, depending on when the doctor says you're ready, um, and they send it and I remember the doctor would to defrost it, put it in a coffee cup with lukewarm water coffee mug like oh sorry, that was my hang on. And then we named him earle Hey now Peo. So by the time it was Ben's turn, you could get a baby picture of the Yeah, you could bring a picture of your partner and they could match their baby picture with the partner's baby. It was beyond ridiculous. Did you use the same No, there was none left. We contacted that one and he said nope. And so my kids are not genetically linked at all, but they are brothers through and through. Yeah. Sometimes I look at my family that I'm very genetically through and we look at each other like, how is this pos right? I do that too, um, But it's so funny because I'm with Henry all the time and they're like, god, you look alike, and we're like, really, that's that's so funny. So when you decided to talk about your kids on stage in your act, and therefore also had to come out as a gay person and a gay parent, you did it rightly in the beginning, like, well I have I was like, there were so many great jokes, you know before I didn't talk about it because I didn't Was it because I didn't want to be pigeonholed? Which I didn't, But I didn't really have we I was in a relationship. It was a different time. It was the eighties, um, and there were out comedians who were fantastic, but I didn't have any material and I wasn't I don't know. When I became a gay parent, I was like, no, I I need to tell the world about this. You could hear the shift in the audience in the beginning who had seen my HBO special or they had seen me on something or All America. I was on All American Girl. I was on all these shows. I would go to these clubs and I would talk about my family and they were like, wait, what you know? And of course agents and managers shut up. They said, you know, don't talk about that. But more often they said, don't be so Jewish. That was if you look at my head shots from back then, I have straight hair, They're like straight in your hair. I was like, oh my god. But yeah, you could hear a shift and then they would forget about it because it was the same shit they were going through as parents, but with a twist, because people make assumptions, you know. And the joy was people coming up to me after the show thanking me. And the biggest joy now is kids and young comics saying I saw you and you I was like, who's this big loud lesbian talking about her family. I was like, oh my god. You know, like you change people's lives definitely, you change the dialogue of what is just you normalize it by the way that it was like I've been waiting for this my entire life, right because representation is everything everything. And I will say there's like it's sort of interesting too because now, especially stand up in New York, as we both experienced it, if someone isn't talking about how they have a non mainstream life, you're just sort of like, well, it's true. And I have to say people are always like, how do you bring up your kids in New York It My mother grew up in New York, and the whole time we were living in New Jersey was like, oh god, it would have been so much easier to bring you up in New York. And it first of all, we don't have to get in cars and drive them to play dates and then sit there with the parent where you're like, oh my god, I'm gonna kill myself. You know, there's parks. There's I live by Riverside Park and Central Park. Okay, there's clubs. You're weird. There's someone weirder than you that's living two doors down. You know, I got bullied so much as a kid, and I remember I would say to my kids, if there is anyone being bullied in school who's tall or overweight or gay, And every day I would be like, you go stick up from them, and and they'd be like, money, no one does that here, okay, graving Jersey went on, I don't no one care. There is something you said that has stuck in my brain. You know, a lot of comics we know who are parents too, are like crazy, and I'm always like, how do you do that? I can't. I just can't do that right now. I just can't go on the out for a month. You said something akin too like I chose to be around, right. I didn't want to miss out. But I mean there were sometimes I was away for like two or three weeks, but then I would have Sharon come with the kids, you know, or to meet you, and especially if it was like a good gig. You know. I remember going to Florida and I was like, let's bring the kids and we'll go to Disney World. And I'm thinking, what the funk am I doing? I'm doing two shows on a Friday. I get home at one o'clock in the morning, and then I got to get up at seven to go fucking walk around Disney World. But it's like, I'll do it. I'll do it so I can be with my kids. I did the first spot at Stand Up New York or something whatever, and then I was like, I got my set in. I'm still in shape. You don't get the time back. You don't get it back. It goes by so fast and you're like, wow, I'm free. Now. We didn't have face time now, we didn't have com shuters. When I would go away, Henry would go to daycare and they'd be in morning meeting and it's like, you know, what's new with him? And he would be like, my mom's away. And so we made this book. It's in a notebook and my friend illustrated. It's called when Mommy Goes Away. It sounds like Mommy's dead. But so it's the worst title. But I went through, like at that time, I was doing Hollywood Squares a lot, and so I and so I we did this whole when Mommy goes away. First she packs, you know, and then I did everything from getting on the plane and all she's thinking about Henry and blah blah blah, and it went. I went through everything I did, and then I finally come home. But it's always like Mommy can't wait to tell Henry blank and Mommy's you know. And he would every time I went away, he would bring the book and they would read the book. Oh my goodness. Judy Gold, thank you so much. You can catch Judy on tour because guess what her kids are grown January to at the Comedy Loft of d C. That's in Washington, d C. You can see her on February fourth at the Anel Performing Arts Center in New Jersey, and then go see her one woman show called Yes I Can Say that March fourth through April nineteen at fifty nine East fifty ninth Theaters in New York City. She's at Judy Gold, but it's like jew J J W and I get a lot of ship from them. Thank you so much, Thank you all, Fiera. That's our show. Thank you so much for listening. And hey, welcome to all of our new listeners. Please go over to Apple Podcast, give us a five star rating and review. Just do it because I said so okay. Now follow us on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook at parenting is a joke. Twitter at parenting joke, And hey, we have a monthly newsletter. Yeah, we're getting it together people, d m us. Go to our website Parenting is a joke po dot com to sign up and get more details. Hey, you can also come see me live if you want to do that great. In addition to stand up, I am also doing a solo show, Everybody Off Broadway, run at the Soho Playhouse three weekends in February. It's called Leaving a Mark, a comedy about scars because guess what, I'm covered in scars, real ones, people, head to toe, all from different points in my life. So this is about identity, flesh, sex. There's a little bit of acceptance, just a tad. Don't be scared. It's an evening out of storytelling, theater, comedy. I'll buy you a drink. Seriously, if you're saying I came to this because I heard you, I will buy you a drink. Get a discount ticket. Listeners of this podcast use the code scar talk one word. All the info is all fear Eisenberg dot com or at Soho Playhouse dot com. Follow me on the socials at o fearra E. Our episode is produced by me and Julie smith m. Our editor is Nita Porzuki. Our sound designer is Tina Toby Mac. Our game writer is Emily Winter. Our theme song is by a dear m Ram and the experience special thanks to all of the engineers at City Voux. And we'll leave you with a little something from Judy's son, Henry. So, your mom made you this book. Do you remember this book that your mom made you? Yeah. Gary Cordon, who is a huge, huge production designer, did Kim peel cranky Ankers. I'm missing a bunch off the top of my head, but he's like the art director for Comedy Central, designs all the sets everything. He's good friends with my mom, and he came over and illustrated a whole book that basically describes what my mom does when she's headlining on the road. And do you still have it? I do. I haven't looked at it in a while, but I mean the illustrations are straight from Gary, so they're emmy. They're emmy level illustrations. Your mom claimed to me that you tell people that Judy Gold is your mom to help you get laid. Is that true? Um I think like maybe like six years ago, not anymore.