When was the last time you felt genuinely happy with your partner?

Do you feel more stressed or more at peace in your relationship?

Today, Jay dives into one of the most draining patterns in relationships: trying to change someone who isn’t ready to change. Whether it’s a partner, friend, or family member, we often convince ourselves that if we just love harder, give more, or push in the right way, they’ll finally become the version of themselves we know they could be. Jay reminds us, people don’t change because of our hopes, our timelines, or our pain, they change when they’re ready and when the cost of staying the same finally outweighs the cost of growth.

Jay dives into the psychology of why we hold on to someone’s potential, even when their actions show otherwise, often rooted in our own unmet needs or fear of being alone. He reminds us that the clearest way to see reality is to believe what people do, not what they say, and that patterns, not promises, reveal who someone truly is right now. Jay also challenges the belief that trying to change someone is an act of love, showing how it’s more often a form of control that keeps us from confronting our own discomfort.

You’ll learn how to practice radical acceptance, not as giving up, but as an act of respect for yourself and the other person. Jay reveals why the most loving choice is sometimes to step back or let go entirely, showing that real change only happens in environments of shared commitment, not through pressure, persuasion, or endless patience.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

How to Stop Falling for Someone’s Potential

How to See Patterns Instead of Promises

How to Practice Radical Acceptance Without Lowering Your Standards

How to Tell the Difference Between Love and Control

How to Let Go Without Losing Compassion

No matter where you are in your relationship journey, remember: you’re not here to be someone’s savior. You’re here to love them as they are, or love yourself enough to walk away.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here.

Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast 

What We Discuss:

00:00 Introduction 

01:08 Can You Really Change Someone?

01:55 Patterns Tell You More Than Words Ever Will

03:35 The Illusion Of Potential

06:45 Actions Over Words

09:39 Control Isn’t Love! 

12:32 The Hardest Form of Love: Radical Acceptance

18:01 Only They Can Choose to Change 

21:32 Priorities Vs Preferences

When was the last time you felt genuinely happy with your partner?
Do you feel more stressed or more at peace in your relationship?
Today, Jay dives into one of the most draining patterns in relationships: trying to change someone who isn&rsquo;t ready to change. Whether it&rsquo;s a partner, friend, or family member, we often convince ourselves that if we just love harder, give more, or push in the right way, they&rsquo;ll finally become the version of themselves we know they could be. Jay reminds us, people don&rsquo;t change because of our hopes, our timelines, or our pain, they change when they&rsquo;re ready and when the cost of staying the same finally outweighs the cost of growth.
Jay dives into the psychology of why we hold on to someone&rsquo;s potential, even when their actions show otherwise, often rooted in our own unmet needs or fear of being alone. He reminds us that the clearest way to see reality is to believe what people do, not what they say, and that patterns, not promises, reveal who someone truly is right now. Jay also challenges the belief that trying to change someone is an act of love, showing how it&rsquo;s more often a form of control that keeps us from confronting our own discomfort.
You&rsquo;ll learn how to practice radical acceptance, not as giving up, but as an act of respect for yourself and the other person. Jay reveals why the most loving choice is sometimes to step back or let go entirely, showing that real change only happens in environments of shared commitment, not through pressure, persuasion, or endless patience.
In this episode, you&rsquo;ll learn:
How to Stop Falling for Someone&rsquo;s Potential
How to See Patterns Instead of Promises
How to Practice Radical Acceptance Without Lowering Your Standards
How to Tell the Difference Between Love and Control
How to Let Go Without Losing Compassion
No matter where you are in your relationship journey, remember: you&rsquo;re not here to be someone&rsquo;s savior. You&rsquo;re here to love them as they are, or love yourself enough to walk away.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe <a href="https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe">here.</a>
Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! <a href="https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast">https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast</a>&nbsp;
What We Discuss:
00:00 Introduction&nbsp;
01:08 Can You Really Change Someone?
01:55 Patterns Tell You More Than Words Ever Will
03:35 The Illusion Of Potential
06:45 Actions Over Words
09:39 Control Isn&rsquo;t Love!&nbsp;
12:32 The Hardest Form of Love: Radical Acceptance
18:01 Only They Can Choose to Change&nbsp;
21:32 Priorities Vs Preferences

I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace.

I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!

I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace.
I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

My name is Jay Shetty, and my purpose is to make wisdom go viral. I’m fortunate to have fascinating conversations with the most insightful people in the world, and on my podcast, I’m sharing those conversations with you. New episodes Mondays and Fridays. Please rate and review the podcast if you enjoy it. Live life today ON PURPOSE.

My name is Jay Shetty, and my purpose is to make wisdom go viral. I’m fortunate to have fascinating conversations with the most insightful people in the world, and on my podcast, I’m sharing those conversations with you. New episodes Mondays and Fridays. Please rate and review the podcast if you enjoy it. Live life today ON PURPOSE.

The #1 Question to Ask Before You End a Relationship (THIS Episode Will Give You the Clarity You Have Been Looking For!)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/d3992cd9-b7eb-487e-ad2d-b348005d622c/transcript

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