Do you ever feel like who you are is holding you back?

Can you really change your personality — or are you stuck with it for life?

Today, Jay sits down with award-winning journalist and author Olga Khazan, whose groundbreaking book Me But Better explores the science of personality change. As a staff writer at The Atlantic, Olga has spent years investigating what shapes who we are — and whether it’s possible to become more confident, resilient, and fulfilled by intentionally shifting our traits.

Jay and Olga explore the surprising research showing that personality isn’t fixed — and that with consistent effort, anyone can become a different version of themselves. Olga shares how she transformed traits like anxiety and self-doubt by applying science-backed tools and testing them in her own life.

They dive deep into how habits shape identity, why a strong “why” is essential for lasting change, and how the traits we envy in others might point us toward who we’re meant to become. They also unpack the difference between being “authentic” and being stuck — and why growth often looks like discomfort before it feels natural.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

How to Change Personality Traits You’ve Had for Years

How to Shift from Anxiety to Emotional Balance

How to Use Habits to Redefine Who You Are

How to Identify the Traits That Align with Your Goals

How to Stop People-Pleasing Without Becoming Cold

How to Make Growth Feel Authentic — Not Fake

True change doesn’t come from pretending to be someone else — it comes from becoming the person you were always capable of being. This episode is a powerful reminder that you’re not stuck. With intention, action, and the right mindset, you can grow into someone new.

With love and gratitude,

Jay Shetty

What We Discuss:

00:00 Introduction

02:08 Key Takeaways From Olga

03:03 Frustration As A Block

05:22 Research Says We Can Change Our Personality Traits

07:30 Why Do We Get So Stuck?

09:46 Is Personality Change Age Exclusive?

11:47 How Can We Change Our Personality?

17:34 Changing Habits Vs Personality Traits

24:31 How Long Does It Take To Change Personality Traits?

35:09 Gender Effects On Personality Traits

37:36 5 Personality Traits That Make Up Personality 

41:35 Feeding Motivation For Change

51:46 How Can We Be More Extroverted?

54:04 Exposure Therapy For Introverts 

56:56 How Personality Changes Affects The People Around Us

01:01:43 The Social Investment Theory

01:03:15 How Does The SIT Affect Relationships?

01:06:45 From Pessimism To Optimism 

01:09:31 How People Pleasers Can Create Healthy Boundaries

01:14:35 Can Introverts Become Extroverts?

01:18:24 Can People With Depression & ADHD Change Their Personality?

01:21:25 Olga On Final Five

Episode Resources

Olga Khazan | Instagram

Olga Khazan | X

Olga Khazan | LinkedIn

Olga Khazan | Facebook

Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change

Do you ever feel like who you are is holding you back?
Can you really change your personality &mdash; or are you stuck with it for life?
Today, Jay sits down with award-winning journalist and author Olga Khazan, whose groundbreaking book Me But Better explores the science of personality change. As a staff writer at The Atlantic, Olga has spent years investigating what shapes who we are &mdash; and whether it&rsquo;s possible to become more confident, resilient, and fulfilled by intentionally shifting our traits.
Jay and Olga explore the surprising research showing that personality isn&rsquo;t fixed &mdash; and that with consistent effort, anyone can become a different version of themselves. Olga shares how she transformed traits like anxiety and self-doubt by applying science-backed tools and testing them in her own life.
They dive deep into how habits shape identity, why a strong &ldquo;why&rdquo; is essential for lasting change, and how the traits we envy in others might point us toward who we&rsquo;re meant to become. They also unpack the difference between being &ldquo;authentic&rdquo; and being stuck &mdash; and why growth often looks like discomfort before it feels natural.
In this episode, you&rsquo;ll learn:
How to Change Personality Traits You&rsquo;ve Had for Years
How to Shift from Anxiety to Emotional Balance
How to Use Habits to Redefine Who You Are
How to Identify the Traits That Align with Your Goals
How to Stop People-Pleasing Without Becoming Cold
How to Make Growth Feel Authentic &mdash; Not Fake
True change doesn&rsquo;t come from pretending to be someone else &mdash; it comes from becoming the person you were always capable of being. This episode is a powerful reminder that you&rsquo;re not stuck. With intention, action, and the right mindset, you can grow into someone new.
With love and gratitude,
Jay Shetty
What We Discuss:
00:00 Introduction
02:08 Key Takeaways From Olga
03:03 Frustration As A Block
05:22 Research Says We Can Change Our Personality Traits
07:30 Why Do We Get So Stuck?
09:46 Is Personality Change Age Exclusive?
11:47 How Can We Change Our Personality?
17:34 Changing Habits Vs Personality Traits
24:31 How Long Does It Take To Change Personality Traits?
35:09 Gender Effects On Personality Traits
37:36 5 Personality Traits That Make Up Personality&nbsp;
41:35 Feeding Motivation For Change
51:46 How Can We Be More Extroverted?
54:04 Exposure Therapy For Introverts&nbsp;
56:56 How Personality Changes Affects The People Around Us
01:01:43 The Social Investment Theory
01:03:15 How Does The SIT Affect Relationships?
01:06:45 From Pessimism To Optimism&nbsp;
01:09:31 How People Pleasers Can Create Healthy Boundaries
01:14:35 Can Introverts Become Extroverts?
01:18:24 Can People With Depression &amp; ADHD Change Their Personality?
01:21:25 Olga On Final Five
Episode Resources
Olga Khazan | <a href="https://www.instagram.com/olganator">Instagram</a>
Olga Khazan | <a href="https://x.com/olgakhazan">X</a>
Olga Khazan | <a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/olga-khazan-5066537/">LinkedIn</a>
Olga Khazan | <a href="https://www.facebook.com/olga.khazan.writing/">Facebook</a>
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Me-But-Better-Science-Personality/dp/1668012545">Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change</a>

I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace.

I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!

I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace.
I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

My name is Jay Shetty, and my purpose is to make wisdom go viral. I’m fortunate to have fascinating conversations with the most insightful people in the world, and on my podcast, I’m sharing those conversations with you. New episodes Mondays and Fridays. Please rate and review the podcast if you enjoy it. Live life today ON PURPOSE.

My name is Jay Shetty, and my purpose is to make wisdom go viral. I’m fortunate to have fascinating conversations with the most insightful people in the world, and on my podcast, I’m sharing those conversations with you. New episodes Mondays and Fridays. Please rate and review the podcast if you enjoy it. Live life today ON PURPOSE.

Olga Khazan: Do You Feel Socially Awkward? This Episode Will Change Your Life & INSTANTLY Make You Confident in ANY Social Interaction

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/2437f10f-cac6-45e0-9ef7-b328005bb98c/transcript

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