When you say confident, I definitely don't feel that word. Yeah majority of the time, actually maybe ever. But I'm constantly learning and constantly growing. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health and wellness podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. And I am so excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new book Eight Rules of Love is out and I cannot wait to share it with you. I am so so excited for you to read this book, for you to listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to eight Rules of Love dot com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep, or let go of love. So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour Love Rules. Go to j shedytour dot com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to see you this year. I'm curious about people's stories. I'm curious about how we find healing. I'm curious about how creativity and self expression can sometimes be the best medicine for what we're going through in life. And I want you to hear from people of different backgrounds and different walks of life so that you can find similarities connection your story and their stories, so that it can feel like an emotional connection that we often miss and we often feel so lonely and isolated. But hopefully this podcast makes you feel heard. Hopefully it makes you feel seen, and hopefully it makes you feel understood. Today's guest is none other than Noah Siris, who grabbed the reins in her own life during some of the most difficult moments, took control of it, and told her story like never before. The Grammy Award nominated, multi platinum Nashville born and LA based singer and songwriter uncovered the kind of strength you only find within. Noah has stepped into herself on her twenty twenty two full length debut album, The Hardest Part. Emerging at the age of sixteen, she immediately captivated audiences with platinum singles Make Me Cry and Again The End of Everything EP yielded the triple platinum July and gold Lonely in between earning a Grammy Award in the category of Best New Artists. Noah has performed at Coachella twice, and Billboard named her among its twenty one Under twenty one for three straight years. Please welcome to the show, Noah SyncE, Noah, Okay, that was quite at I always say, it's so funny, Like every time I introest someone, that is always the reaction. I'm like, I say the same thing. I'm like, well you did that, like you lived that, like you actually had to. You actually had to experience all of that and work for it and earn it and go through the ups and downs that come with doing all of that. So we all do right, everybody, it's hard, Like, whoa, that was Thanks for that intro, Thank you, thank you for having me. It's nice. Like we were just saying nice to meet you in person. Yes, you got to meet over Zoom two years ago. We just talked about it briefly, but like you're so nice, Like it's so nice to meet you, and like this was not on camera, but you ran out so quick as soon as I was here to give me a hug. You're like so nice. It's great to be in a room with you actually finally, Well, the feelings very mutual. I was saying to you off camera as well that when my team and I were talking about having you on the show and we were so excited about that. I had such a wonderful experience with you a couple of years ago when you interviewed me on your podcast, even though was digitally, I just really like you were so great at talking about so many important, meaningful things to give me a voice, to give me a platform. I felt so humbled and grateful and same with you. Like meeting you three, I'm like, this is so warm, Like you allowed me to just give you a big hug, and I was like, I don't know if I was going to wrank your makeup or your us. I felt terrible. No, no, no, no no, no, not even at all. I don't even whatever about that. No. I I was so happy whenever I heard that your team had reached out for us to get in the room and talk. I know it took us a bit for us to schedule everything, but I'm so happy to finally be here with you. And also, like the last time we spoke, I feel like I was in a much darker, different place, and I'm doing so much better now, and so it's great to really be here and be present with you and get to really experience you and how great you are. Well, first of all, I want to congratulate you on that transformation and transition I think that to acknowledge you even just saying, and how much work you've had to do to get there to feel that way. And like I said to you, I had a positive experience with you even then, thank you. And so I'm very grateful to experience you, as you said in what you feel is the best version of yourself at the moment, which is so beautiful. And I loved a video I saw on your TikTok okay, which is you and your dad okay, And it was so beautiful and it was like I think you said something like, you know, I wish these days never end. Yeah, Like, tell me about what we're so special about that? I mean, just watching it, it was just it was so joyful and it was so special. Honestly, that's a common feeling I get whenever I'm with him or with my family. Honestly, with life in general, I just wish the days were longer. You've caught me on like an emotional day. So if I cried during this podcast, guys, this is like a normal thing for me kind of But that's just a common feeling I get, especially when I'm home in Nashville. Just was wishing I had more time. But that trip was great. I hadn't seen my dad in a long time, and lately I've been able to Since that TikTok actually, which was posted last year, I think, or or earlier that really early this year, it had to have been, but it's an older TikTok, I've been able to see him much more frequently. But when I had been writing for this album actually the album's out on September sixteenth, and I had written about that specific feeling actually like a couple of years ago, and it's actually the title track of my record, Hardest Part. And I wrote about that with my dad because I just you know, growing up, he would be in Nashville. I would be in La or back and forth, and there was a lot of missing him. And I guess it's really no secret that my family had been going through hard times and within their marriage and things like that, and so there was a lot that was unsaid between us, and I wanted to write about it and my music and my music is really an outlet for me and my emotions. And I don't know. We had a really beautiful day a few years ago, which wasn't when I made that TikTok, but I wrote about it in my in my record just because I wish I could get more of those days and there's just not enough time. And yeah, yeah, no it was. It was beautiful to see and yeah, now I think I think you pinned it. That's why. Yeah, it's not very new. Yeah, yeah, but the yeah, the TikTok's old, but the songs about an even older story. But that, yeah, there is a trends are cool like that with TikTok. I'll see something on TikTok and I'm like, oh, that actually really means something like we should do that. And my friend of Mari was like, you have to do this with your dad. I love that. It was so special. It was. It was really joyful and special to watch. And speaking about what you're talking about, you were saying, you've said that your goal is really the current goal is to like really heal your inner child, and I think that's such a beautiful goal to have first wall, and I think a lot of our community, a lot of our listeners, have that same goal as well. I think we're all going through this experience of realizing that we've neglected that in a child. We haven't listened to that in a child, we haven't acknowledged it. How did you even discovered that that was a goal you had, Like, how did you even come to that point of acknowledging that that was something you wanted to pursue. Identifying my emotions and what was causing a lot of my problems and then making that connection to childhood was first of all, the start, and with that, I probably wouldn't have even been able to make that connection had it not been for my therapist and really really really trying with therapy, because even I feel like when we spoke, I had a relationship with my therapist that I would kind of try to reschedule our sessions and I wouldn't keep up with it and I would fall behind. It's actually a lot of work to keep up with it, because you know, some days you're going to feel really good, and for me, it's hard for me on those good days to want to keep up or maybe I don't want to start feeling sad feelings or bring anything up, but it's actually really important to keep working. And so once I identified that, like, I had a lot of sadness involved with my inner child, and I had a lot I needed to heal. But I really really owe that to therapy, and I really highly suggest just an outlet of being able to get your emotions out somewhere were regardless of what that outlet is for you. Yeah, I think that's beautifully said. And what was some of those emotions that you felt as a childhood that you experienced that became so important for you to heal? Like, what was some of those experiences that stayed with you? One major one was self love and body image love and body dysmorphia. I developed that at such a young age, and it's been really hard for me to reframe my mind to be able to even look at my younger self and love that version of me. And now that I begin to get there, I'm now there. And you know, for me, that was so heartbreaking that I couldn't I felt like I couldn't even really love a child myself as a child. I felt like I wasn't even loving that version of myself. And I could never imagine not loving a child, you know what I mean. But I and so that was where I knew I needed to start. And now, of course I want to protect that version of myself so much because I just see this fragile child who is like every child in the world that just needs love and to be cared for. And of course I was. I have an amazing family, But there's just some things that, especially I mean in my in my personal experience with body image, that just some things people just can't see, that people just can't feel, because it's your body, your mind, your eyes, you know, and it's hard and it feels like you're alone in those times, and in your brain it's just you in there with that inner voice, and it gets really dark and it gets really lonely, especially I mean, certainly in my experience. Yeah, and how does it feel when everyone around you saying, oh, but you're beautiful? Are you this? So you're that like, walk us through a bit of that, because I think a lot of people have that challenge. You're like, everyone's telling you you're great, but then there's still this voice inside of you that feels that way. What was some of those what's been some of the work behind the scenes that you've been doing in therapy and for yourself to kind of get to that place of self acceptance and self love. As you said earlier, that's very much still work in progress for me. And something my therapist and I talk about is how progress is kind of in You're going up, but it's circular emotions, and in a circle, you still go down, and then you go up and you go down. And so I'm going through that very much with self love and with my body image. My personal experience was online and in other places. I was bullied over the way I loved so terribly, like the word the words that were used are still so scaring to me where I'm almost embarrassed to bring it up or talk about it. Like it was very traumatizing for me. So it was very hard for me to believe what people in my life was saying. So it gave me actually a lot of trust issues that weren't there with people in my life because I felt as if everybody was lying to me, which is still actually something I work on now. Still it's my trust with people and going with things and just being okay with this is me, this is my body, this is who I am, this is what God gave me, this is this is who I am. There's nothing I can do to change it. And you know, while I'm here, I've got to accept it, and I'm really working hard to do so. You know, it gives me comfort if it gives anybody else comfort that it gives me comfort that you tell me other people feel that way, when other people are saying you are this, you are beautiful, you are that, because when you feel the opposite in your body and your mind and your soul, you're not. You're never going to hear it from anybody else. And it's the same with you know, loving yourself, and you know you have to truly love yourself and and and it's and it's hard to get there if you don't. It's so encouraging though, to hear that you went through this experience earlier on, yet you've still found a way of expressing how you feel in the public eye and still being open to people's opinions and their reaction to you. And that's takes incredible like confidence and self assurance because a lot of people would just say, or I'm done with this I'm just going to go and hide. Like I feel that way every day, Yeah, every day. So again it's like kind of a at all with myself, but I feel that way all the time. When you say confident, I definitely don't feel that word. Yeah majority of the time. Actually maybe ever. But I'm constantly learning and constantly growing. Yes, And those are the two best things like that to me, That's what I where I use that word. It was like people don't usually feel confident or they're not confident, but the way they act actually displays confidence. And I think that's what's so interesting about confidence is that no one whoever is confident feels it. It's just that people from the outside go, Wow, that takes a lot of guts. So like that still takes a lot of resilience. And that's what I'm noticing that, you know, to still be in the public eye but walk us through. You know, we're talking about the hardest part, which is you know, incredible to see you putting your challenges, stress, pain into music. When did music start to become that healing for you? And what was BEAUTIFU about the process behind this album, Like, what did you experience in the making of this album. Music has always been extremely healing, but especially with this album, the process of finishing it up. On the production side with Mike Crossey, he executive produced the entire album. We spent a couple months together just him and I and Stephen, his engineer, and a couple of days towards the end we'd have musicians in but just locked in focused on the music. It was the first time ever in my life or in my career, I should say that I felt really in touch with my own musician ship and myself as like an actual artist, not just a singer and a writer. It came at a time where I was about six months into my recovery process. I really needed some structure, something to focus on, something to put my energy towards, an outlet for my emotions. Even if I wasn't writing, I had written a few songs that actually just had to go onto the album, like my Side of the Bed is one of my favorites on the whole album, or I Burned Ella Down, which was the first single off of the record. Occasionally I would get to lyrically make that get that outlet for my emotions, but musically I really found a way to do so, and it really shows in the record, and it was that's what made it such a healing process. Was I feel like I really found myself sonically, lyrically, and emotionally and spiritually on this record. That's incredible. Why I love what you pointed out. Then it came out, it flowed naturally from you. But for everyone who's listening, I just want to capture this. You said that during your recovery process six months in you found structure, focus, and an outlet. And I think all of those things is such beautiful takeaways. Everyone who's listening may not be a musician or a writer or a singer, but the idea that we all need when we're going through our own recovery structure, a focus, and an outlet. And those are such practical ways that we can shift where we are. Walk us through some of that. What was your structure like, like, what were you what was your focus like? Were you thinking about something when you woke up in the morning when you were writing the song, like, what was your daily routine like? And what were your habits like at that time. So, at the time of recording the album, we had which I loved, the white board, We had a white board in the studio. Love white board, but it had our week out and every single week on Fridays, we'd sit and plan out what we were going to do for the next week. So, for example, one week would be vocals week, and we'd do each song like in a day, and then we'd also have like, Okay, this next week we're going to be recording bass, guitar strings, whatever. I'd go in after I'd have therapy in the morning, wake up, walk my dogs, do therapy, go to the studio, record whatever instruments we were doing that day, whatever vocals, and really get to experiment with this new elevated sound that I was making. And so really we just had like the strict schedule that like every day I was in at a certain time and by the end of the day we both had Mike has two kids, so bedtime's eight o'clock, he needs to leave at six. We just had our daily routine, which I think saved me so much, because without a daily routine, I'm veried the type that can easily just slip into my room and not turn the lights on or get out of bed for like weeks, and I've actually been having a bit of back and forth battle with kind of doing that now and just self isolation because I'm so used to doing so so really just having even if it was just you know, a studio routine where it was this day we're recording this, and this day we're tracking this, or this day we're zooming this person or they're coming in here. It really like saved me, and falling in love with music again saved me because I think it's also easy to alienate yourself or get alienated by things you love whenever, whenever you're doing it such a long time, or you know, things get tough and you know things don't go your way, and then they do go your way so suddenly. So I guess the point is just keep going and never give up, and you know, but it gets hard. Yeah, I love that point you made. It's so interesting how we can fall out of love with something that we're so deeply in love with. I can so relate to that in so many ways. Let's talk about that a bit, because I think that's just a fascinating idea. I think we think that when you're in love with a thing, an idea, a person, a place, a home, we expect that once you're in love, you just stay in love. And like you were saying earlier with the therapist, it's more like the other way. Let you fall in, you fall out, it changes, it grows. It moves you fall in you fall out, it changes, it grows. How have you learned to fall in love with music again? Structure was a part of that. Was there something else that helped you fall back in love with something that you'd fallen out of love with? Well, what made actually a better question is what made you fall out of love with music? And then what helped you fall back in love. I'm not sure if I ever completely fell out of love. Yeah, I think after doing this since I was sixteen years old, there's been a lot of times where I've really encouraged to keep going, but there's also a little discouragement at times. It's hard whenever there's a lot of people in your ears and people wanting you to be a certain way and do a certain thing. And so I think for a long time I didn't trust my own vision because I felt as if other people didn't either, and so I almost just kind of wanted to give up. I didn't really have a vision at all. But being able to go and experiment and find who I am sonically and what that sounds like to me. And you know, there's so much of me on that track. I'm playing piano on that track, I'm playing sub I'm playing percussion, I'm playing They're just even if they were just little bits of sounds, like it was me and I was inside of it. All the instruments are live. I got to you know, for so long, piano was my favorite instrument for so long, but now it's pedal steel, and you know, and I just I've fallen in love with instruments again. And that ignited so much excitement for me, and it ignited so much excitement with the album campaign and performing and everything that comes with music and being able to experience what it's like once it's out of the studio, and so that really ignited a lot of excitement in me again. Yeah, and then again, like again, the writing process was also amazing. A lot of it was painful at the time, a lot of it was maybe in bits and pieces and different timelines of where I was personally, But I think that's also what makes it special. The album definitely is very dynamic with the sounds and the instruments sonically, there's a lot of emotions, a lot of conversations, but to your point, really quick about the falling in and out of love. Weirdly enough, Friday or tonight actually at nine pm, I have a song coming out with Ben Gibbert of Deathcap for Cutie and it's one of my favorite bands of all times. He's one of my favorite artists ever. And our song is about that feeling of it's not you genuinely, it's not me genuinely, We're just falling out of love. Like that's just we're not the same anymore. We're we've grown, we've been, we've we've we're drifting apart. And I think that really does happen with people. I know, both people from personal experience and from witnessing others have to be fully invested in one another and both have to want to light that fire again, and if just one of you don't, then it really it's nearly I think impossible to get that back. Yeah, And I couldn't agree. That's so, that's so beautifully said. I couldn't agree with you more that. I think that's what often is the truth that we don't want to accept, is that someone doesn't want to try again. No, we don't even want to accept that because it's so painful to accept where we're like, we want to try again, but that person doesn't want to try again, And and that's the hardest part. Like that, that's really tough because you're like, but I'm still in this. But then what I find interesting about what you just said there? Yeah, it's also that person realizing well, I'm still in this because I still think that person's the same as who they were. But now, using your words, you're like, we've just outgrown each other. Like do you think people change? Like? Do people change? I put out the CP right and I titled it people don't change because a lot of in my personal experience, Yeah, I set out to want to change, and I think I'm in the process of changing my life. I don't know if I can exactly change who I am at the core. What do you What do you think about that? That's such a great question because I go back and forth. I don't and if somebody asked me, I wouldn't know, But I want to know your take on it. Yeah, I would say I do believe that transformation and change is possible, but it's not very probable. The probability is low, but possibility is high. And what I mean by that is everyone has the opportunity to change, but the path is long, hard, and often requires big amounts of tragedy, stress, and turmoil to even get someone to have that opportunity to take that path. And so I don't think I would ever write off I genuinely believe in real transformation and change, and I believe in the possibility of it. I think the probability and the expectation and the speed we want it to happen at is unlikely. I also believe that people don't change for people, and I think that's often when we say people will change, it's often us. The real full sentence is people will change for me, right, And I think that's really what we're saying, and that I don't agree with that. I don't think someone changes for someone else. I think people change for themselves when they realize that if I don't change, then that's not good for me. But the probability of that happening is low until something massively painful or drastic happens in their life. And I agree with you on the core thing, Like I look at I went through a huge change externally in terms of it became a monk. I left my time as a monk, that I lived for three years in India, and that I lived the life I do today. But I'm still the same person I always was at the core, like what you just said, like at the court, I'm the same person. I was raised by my mom. She told me to be polite, I like people, I'm kind and these are things I learned from my mom when I was a kid, and I'm still all those things and I've grown, but I'm still the same person at the core, And so I think that people can I've seen amazing changes in people. I've seen people who've gone from doing the worst things to doing the best things, of seeing people go from but the probability is not as high and it won't happen for a person. So I don't know if that helps answers your question. Yeah, yeah, because I mean it's kind of exactly how I feel about it too. Yeah. No, I mean I agree, like, and you know from experience of seeing that, I mean, even in positive ways, you don't have to look at it as a negative way. Not losing yourself and who you are at the core like I mean, I feel like I lost that for a long time, and in a positive way, I got it back. And again, that was a lot to do with who I am and who I was as a younger child. Yeah, because I also felt that change and shifted myself at such a young age. I mean I still look at seventeen and eighteen years old as a child to me and very very young and lived on my own at seventeen and thought I had the whole thing figured out, And you know, very quickly after everything shifted very drastically, and you know, until I was maybe just a year ago, I started feeling like who I was when I put my very first single out. Maybe yeah, maybe even way way way before. I don't really remember when I truly lost or started disconnecting from who I really am, or started disliking or not loving who I really was. Yeah. Yeah, And actually I think you've just answered it. Like I think, ultimately, when we're both talking about change, we're talking about growth. Yeah. Absolutely, And it's like what you've been saying this whole interview so far, It's like you're like it's an everyday thing. It's a work in progress. I'm still working on it. Like that's what growth is. And I think when we look at growth in ourselves, we realize it's a daily process. But when we look at change in someone else, we want it to be drastic and tomorrow. Absolutely, it's different expectations we have of change, If that makes sense. That was a really good way to put it. Yeah, Like you know, it's like I know, if I need to change, it's going to take a few years, but I'm hoping this person changes tomorrow. Yeah, And that's where I think our expectations and change kind of get too mixed up. So change is possible, our expectation is a slightly messy. I think, what's a big change you think you've made in your life that is had a big change externally? Like internally, what is a change that you've made, even a simple thing that you feel has I mean, the most major change for me was was stopped taking xanax. That completely I was ruining my life. It was the scariest most alone I had ever felt, except it made me feel as if I had comfort whenever I was on. Yeah, the substance as I was taking at which time that was, you know, the poison that I really had to get out of my life and make that change. Had I not done that, I touch on it on the album, but I'm not one hundred percent sure I would have been able to be sitting here having this conversation with you, because I didn't really want to be alive anymore. You know. When I did have this moment of clarity, even if it was for a second, I did not want to forget that. I had one thought that, like, maybe I could turn this around. I called who I needed to call, and I made that change, so absolutely without a doubt. I mean, that's just the first thing that comes to mind, because had I not done that, like I it saved my life getting off off of sant accent. That's amazing. Thank you so much for being so open and vulnerable with us. I can tell that obviously it's not an easy thing to talk about, especially when it's being a part of your life in that way. So thank you so much. Yeah, and even more so, just that's incredible, Like, that's amazing, And you know, I think there's so many people listening and watching who I'm sure they're family members, they've been in that position. You know. I think it's incredible, isn't it. How lonely you can be made to feel when actually it's a hugely collective experience, and I think that's going to help a lot of people. You're sharing that and that making that change in your life and and being with you today, I'm like, that's that's amazing. It's it's truly incredible. Thank you. Yeah. I think I think we need to acknowledge and celebrate that more because again, it takes so much strength. Thank you. Yeah, I just hope. Honestly, I think my goal with all of us and being open about it is I do know that. Um, I'm not trying to be an example for anybody. I'm just trying to share my experience because I also had a lot of people. I mean, we did a podcast three years ago. I have I've had a mut music career since I was sixteen years old. I had a lot of people looking in since I was a babe, just due to the family I was born in, and with Instagram and social media and things like that interviews, I felt that a part of me was seen that you know, I allowed out there. But I really wanted an explanation for I think a lot of the things I had posted on my Instagram and I felt like there were a lot of things like, you know, friends reaching out, worried about me after I would post an Instagram story, and you know, just the look in my eyes was scary to a lot of people. And there's a few interviews in particularly when I just hear the way I was talking where I feel so ashamed and so guilty. And I think that's another thing, is like the shame and the guilt and the regret is inevitable when going through this. So for anyone listening to know that that's normal and that's something I experienced every single day, even though I know I probably shouldn't. It's it's just something you experience, arience, and it's it's something I'm going through and go through and sometimes it's better and sometimes it's worse, but it's just all part of the process. Yeah. Again, I think that also goes back to just learning to love yourself and look out for yourself and nurture yourself whenever you're being so hard on yourself or completely changing your life, you know, but I go hard on myself about before and what it was like two years ago or three years ago, and that's just something I'm processing and dealing with ye as of now. Yeah, And I think that that's that's I love what you said that it's it's not about being an example. It's just encouraging to hear that that it's what you go through. I think it's so interesting that every day we feel hot and we feel cold, and we feel maybe sweaty, we feel really cold, we feel like we're freezing, Like we go through so many different body changes every day, and we would never judge ourselves for that. We wouldn't be like, oh, I'm the worst. I should have wanted longest sleeve T shirt, like you just go and put a sweater on or whatever. And I think it's the same with our emotions, Like we're experiencing so many emotions throughout the day, but we don't give ourselves the permission to say, oh, I'm allowed to feel cold and then get a sweater to feel warm, Like we don't do that with our emotions, if that makes sense, and saying hey, I do feel a bit of shame, but then maybe I need to feel a bit of this to help, you know, even it out. And so I love that that's the process you're on and I agree with you. It's a daily thing. I don't think there's anyone who never just like there's no one in the world who never feels hot or cold. There's no one who doesn't feel sad or down, or happy or unhappy. Like we're all feeling all of them at different spectrums and different extremes. So learning our own patterns and learning our own thoughts is pretty much, you know, what we all need to focus on. So I wanted to pick something that this was a lyric from I Burned Down, burned La Down, And you said, and obviously it's about feeling like you have to burn la down to get someone you're dating's attention. But this is the lyric that I thought was really beautiful. I'm gonna I can't think, so please do not expect anything. I'm just gonna read it out. I waste my breath on a prayer. You don't care. I was never part of the plan. You can't make a god of somebody who's not even half of half a decent man like that lyric is just it's a pretty cold lyric. Yeah yeah, but it's also just like a very raw emotion. And I thought it was it's it's cold, but it's poetical you put together so it's it's it's powerful, and I think a lot of people could relate to that. I think that I wanted to pick a few moments if you don't mind it, if that lyric you can't make a God of somebody? I find that such an interesting concept. I think so many of us are looking for God in the people we idolize, the people we follow, the sports teams, the musicians, the actors, the even parents and people in our lives. Like we're all looking for that God figure in so many ways. And you know, you rightly say in that lyric, you can't make a god of somebody, Like, where did that come from? I wanted to hear that idea because I thought that was really powerful concept. My poetic way of always just completely falling into people, and how much I completely rely and give myself to people. I think obviously I've been very open that it's been hard to rely on myself. In the past, I always looked in that for other in other people. At the time, especially of COVID and everybody's isolation, it was just me and that one other person, and so my entire life revolved around that one other person. Every single day, whether they were happy, they were sad, if they were comfortable uncomfortable, if they were mad or not mad, if they loved me or didn't love me, My entire life became revolved around somebody else. I've definitely done that in the past, and like you said, again, people with I like that compute with many different things. It's finding the right things to do that with. And with me, it was my album and worshiping music and actually finding myself and who I am and loving myself that that was where that lyric came from. It's just it felt like worship the way that I admired this person, and then you had to redirect that worship towards your music and your craft, and you absolutely And I think also I've been thinking a lot about my spirituality lately, and I think that's a huge different conversation for a whole other time. But you know, it just falling in love with other things, and the world's so interesting and the universe so interesting, and energy is such a powerful thing, and I just want to learn more about it and and God and what that is to me and other people and who and and just it's all so interesting and I just want to know. I want to learn more, I want to grow more again, Like I said, this all goes back to growing instead of using the word change, going, going to the word going growing, I think is good. Yeah, yeah, no, I I can relate to a lot of that in the sense of, like I feel, I was always in love with love growing up, Yeah, me too. I fantasized that majorly same and and all of it was based on romantic songs and movies, and none of it was based on reality. It was all based on pop culture and media, and you know, and and I for a long time, I really pursued that type of love, and that was love that was based on idolizing someone else, worshiping someone else, wanting also to be idolized back, and recognizing that there was a part of me that was really seeking that importance through that other individual in the guise of loving them. And I think when I came to the conclusion that similarly to what you're saying, actually that you can't make a god of somebody, it's that you can't make a god of yourself either. You know that. That was a really beautiful reflection, but it's it's a painful one because we get so trained and wired to believe certain things. A what's a belief that you think you have now about yourself that is healthy and putting you in the right direction and helping you grow. You talked about some of the beliefs in the past that have helped you back. What's a belief now that you have about yourself that that is helping you move forward and in this positive direction. That I can just I can do what I set my mind to do, whether that's with recovery or other things. I used to just say I can't and or I won't or but I actually have shown to myself so many times what I can do. And I think that's something that like I repeat to myself every day. I also have you will be tat it on my wrists, which I kind of think is kind of the same thing, just that I will be what I set my mind to or what I set my goals to, or who I want to become or who I want to work on being. And that's kind of enough. Said I I had so much doubt in myself, and that's something that has held me back for so long. So I think knowing that and believing that and believing that truly and to my core is new for me and something I can truly, honestly say I feel about myself. I also have a hard time, you know, even when you say that, like I may back to the confidence thing. I sound like, I really believe in myself, but at the same time, I have battles where I actually have a hard time doing so or saying kind things about myself or you know, so it's kind of a hard battle. So that was kind of the first thing that came to mind. I thought it was a beautiful answer because I'm like, isn't that just such a great thought to repeat that if I wanted to change something, I can, like I can with this journey I'm going through therapy, this journey, I'm going through recovery. Like that. That's such an empowering thought. And I think it's so amazing how we quickly believe negative thoughts about ourselves, but we doubt the positive thoughts. And it's like, every day, if I told myself, which I have at times, like I'm not good enough, I'm not good enough, I'm not good enough, I don't ever question that thought. I'm so cool with accepting that that's just the truth and I don't think about whether I say every day or not. I just keep saying it, Whereas when I say I can, then we're like, oh wait, wait, wait, did I say that too early? Maybe I don't, maybe I don't believe it. And so I actually love that that was your answer, because I think that is the beginning of all changing growth, is saying I can do anything I put my mind to, and I have control over what I put my mind to. And so I actually think it's a it's a really great answer, and I'm hoping that everyone who's listening to that can start making that shift in their life. I had a mentor who would always repeat Napoleon Hill to me, and so he'd always say to me, you become what you think about, and he'd get me to repeat it. He'd be like, keep saying that you become what you think about. You become what you think about, and then he'd catch me off guard randomly when he'd see me and he'd look at me and be like, Jay, what are you thinking about? I'd be like nothing, and he goes, well, you become what you think about. See what you're gonna become? Nothing like? And he just play with that and then it was I was like, oh, interesting, what am I thinking about? What do I obsess over? Like what do I keep repeating in my mind? And it was just something as simple as that that started me to be like, Okay, well, I'm thinking about my purpose, I'm thinking about my service, I'm thinking about how to have an impact in the world. I'm thinking and then I just started to seeing my life change. And it is that simple in the beginning. And so I actually think that was a beautiful answer, sir. Thank you for sharing. Noah, I could, honestly, and I hope I do get to have that conversation with you another time. As you said, there's a whole separate conversation around spirituality discovery. But we end every episode with a new segment that we started recently which I love, called the Many Sides to Us. And this is where you're using words or phrases to talk about yourself through different perspectives. So I'm going to ask you the questions and you can answer them. So the first one is what's a word or phrase that someone would say about you meeting you for the first time? Now today, I don't know. I think this is hard. Can I give you one yes, time about you today for the first time in person, and I the word that came to my mind was sincere okay, really sincere okay. You are so sincere and genuine in your initial words to me and what we were talking about when you first came in, and there was just so much sincerity and genuineness there. So okay, that's how I think you. Okay, all right, thank you. So I did that for you, so thank you. That's good. I'm hopefully not going to have a hard time. I know the rest will be busy. What is a word that you use that someone would describe you that knows you well, or word or a phrase that someone who knows you really deeply would use to describe you. Sensitive? Yeah, sensitive in good and bad ways. I think sensitive can be taken as like a bad thing, but it's actually I'm a very sensitive person. And I think the person I'm thinking of would be my mom if you were to and I think that was my mom telling me that I'm very sensitive. I love though that what you've been doing today, You've done it twice now. It's like you're always looking at how each quality and value can actually be negative but also positive, Like you know it can be healthy too. Yeah, I think often like you said, like, I'll initially all sensitive. Yeah, people are so sensitive, and it's like, well no, no, no, being sensitive can actually be one of the healthiest things. I love that it gives you a lot of compassion towards other people as well. It's not like how you said, like, oh, you're so sensitive, you know. Actually I'll take it the wrong way sometimes. Yeah, but what do you mean? So if I think maybe if she had my mom had said that on a different day, I probably want to take it all right. Question number three, what's a word or phrase you'd use to describe yourself sensitive. I'm very loving towards other people and other things, and like so towards myself. But I mean so I've whenever people we actually I have talked about this in therapy. I have a hard time talking about my it's very evident talking about myself personally. But whenever I do talk about things about myself, I think it's the way that I give to other people. So I'm extremely loving and giving person. Thank you for having the cards to comment. Yeah, No, it's yeah, that's great. I love that. That's a great answer, all right. Last two questions, what's a word or phrase you'd use to describe the hardest part of the album. Honest is such a vague answer, but I mean it's just extremely honest and open, and it touches on so many parts of my life, like I said, in so many different situations. I also use the word personal a lot too, just because literally the first song on my album is called Noah, and so I think in a way I was nervous out first, like how are these how are people going to hear this and make it relate to themselves? But I think honestly, by being so honest is where people will be like, oh, I actually do feel that too, because if you're not, then other people aren't going to be related. Is I think every feeling. Sometimes sometimes my thoughts feel like I'm the only person that's ever had this thought in the world, and then I like go on Instagram or TikTok and I see people talking about their feelings and they're like, I feel that feeling, you know. So probably that I would say very a vague word, but not it may be a common word, but the description that you just gave of, like, yeah, that feeling of connectivity I think is really powerful, Like I think. I think that's why it is important to talk about how we feel and what we're going through, so we realize we're not the only ones, you know. I mean, I think a lot of people suffer in silence and suffering a place because they do feel isolated and alone because then they don't check with someone because they didn't feel comfortable too. Yeah, you know, I have a very minor, totally minor surgery tomorrow. And it's like I told a very minor, totally not complex or deeper in any way, but the reason I'm bringing it up is even something. So I know when I told my friends about it, I found out twenty five percent of my friends had all male friends had all had that surgery, and I was like, it's a hernia, And I was like, why didn't you ever tell me? Like right? And that's a really basic example, but it's the same thought process of like how when when I first heard I had a hernie, I was like, I'm too young to have that. Why do I have one? And then when I start doing to my friends, so many of my friends under thirty had one, and I was like, oh, why didn't I know about this? Right? So It's something as simple as that, so I think the honesty it connected. And fifteen final question, what's a word or phrase that you're trying to embody? Again, extremely cliche because it's a title on my album, but I also have a tattooed on my body is stands still. It's a phrase my dad said since I was really young, and I felt like I forgot to use it for quite a long time. But when you don't know what to do, just stand still. It's okay to take your time and take them moment and reevaluate everything that has saved me so many times in my life and a lot recently, and so to practice for me, it's really hard for me to stay still and stand still and be still, and so to practice that more. I really live by those words, and I really look up to my dad and admire him and his strength so much. So that's such a powerful, powerful answer. I love that. Advice to everyone's been listening and watching, I want you to go stream the hardest part right now. It's available as we're speaking. Go and listen to it, Go and share it, Go and feel with it, Go and experience the honesty that Noah's putting out there. I hope it's extremely healing and connecting for you, and also a please feel free to share. I think there were so many incredible things that Noah shared today. Please tag us both on Instagram, on Twitter, on TikTok. If you're sharing a reflection from this podcast, please tag us both because I love seeing how you put into practice what guest share and I'm sure no I would love to see that too, So please please please do that. And no I hope this is the first of many times I get to sit down with you. I do too, but I just I want you to know that everything you shared today is going to stay with me for a long time. And there are so many parts that I know I'm going to really listen to and rewatch and I'm just I'm so glad we got to talk because I even was having anxiety and had been, I mean, with my grandmother just passing, had been having so many different conflicting feelings and like even today Nick was like, oh, well maybe this is just talking with Jay and you know, talking about your feelings and stuff is really gonna help you. When I was so this has been amazing. I'm so grateful we got to be in a room together, and finally me. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you. I hope you feel you got to share everything you want to know I feel, I feel great. Thank you good that makes me happy, amazing. Thank you so much. Thank thanks, no