When was the last time you felt truly at ease with someone?

Do you feel that kind of ease often, or was it rare?

In this special live episode recorded at the DAR Constitution Hall in Washington, D.C., Jay sits down with bestselling author and therapist Lori Gottlieb to explore the hidden dynamics that shape our relationships. Together, they unpack why so many of us feel the need to “perform” for love and how fear of rejection, perfectionism, and old emotional patterns can quietly erode connection. Lori shares how true intimacy begins with acceptance, not just of our partners, but of ourselves, and why showing up authentically is the only way to feel genuinely seen.

Through humor, warmth, and real audience interactions, Jay and Lori dive into topics like vulnerability, emotional safety, and the balance between “me time” and “we time.” They share how to stop trying to fix or control your partner, how to communicate without defensiveness, and how to build relationships rooted in curiosity and compassion instead of criticism.

This conversation is a reminder that love isn’t about finding someone who reads your mind, it’s about learning each other’s language, embracing imperfections, and creating a safe space where both people can grow.

In this interview, you'll learn:

How to Stop Performing for Love

How to Create Emotional Safety in a Relationship

How to Let Your Partner Be Vulnerable

How to Build Connection Through Acceptance

How to Communicate Without Getting Defensive

How to Balance “Me Time” and “We Time”

How to Love Without Trying to Fix

Love is not a performance, it’s a practice. It’s built in the quiet moments when we choose to listen instead of defend, to understand instead of control, and to show up even when it feels uncomfortable. Every relationship, whether romantic or otherwise, becomes stronger when we replace judgment with curiosity and fear with honesty.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. 

Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast 

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

00:54 Earning Love Through Real Connection

03:16 Why You Should Speak Up Early

06:51 Creating a Safe Space for Vulnerability

11:20 Can You Love Someone Without Loving Yourself?

13:55 How Acceptance Strengthens Your Relationship

20:37 Compatibility vs. Chemistry: What Matters More?

25:07 Do Couples Need Individual Therapy Too?

28:05 A Live Couples Therapy Session

44:06 Communicate Clearly Not Through Assumptions

47:08 Healthy Ways to Approach Conflict

51:28 Understanding the Many Forms of Love

57:46 Are Both of Your Needs Being Met?

01:01:44 Learning to Embrace and Communicate Differences

Episode Resources:

Lori Gottlieb | YouTube

Lori Gottlieb | Instagram

Lori Gottlieb | Website

Dear Therapists Podcast

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

When was the last time you felt truly at ease with someone?
Do you feel that kind of ease often, or was it rare?
In this special live episode recorded at the DAR Constitution Hall in Washington, D.C., Jay sits down with bestselling author and therapist Lori Gottlieb to explore the hidden dynamics that shape our relationships. Together, they unpack why so many of us feel the need to &ldquo;perform&rdquo; for love and how fear of rejection, perfectionism, and old emotional patterns can quietly erode connection. Lori shares how true intimacy begins with acceptance, not just of our partners, but of ourselves, and why showing up authentically is the only way to feel genuinely seen.
Through humor, warmth, and real audience interactions, Jay and Lori dive into topics like vulnerability, emotional safety, and the balance between &ldquo;me time&rdquo; and &ldquo;we time.&rdquo; They share how to stop trying to fix or control your partner, how to communicate without defensiveness, and how to build relationships rooted in curiosity and compassion instead of criticism.
This conversation is a reminder that love isn&rsquo;t about finding someone who reads your mind, it&rsquo;s about learning each other&rsquo;s language, embracing imperfections, and creating a safe space where both people can grow.
In this interview, you'll learn:
How to Stop Performing for Love
How to Create Emotional Safety in a Relationship
How to Let Your Partner Be Vulnerable
How to Build Connection Through Acceptance
How to Communicate Without Getting Defensive
How to Balance &ldquo;Me Time&rdquo; and &ldquo;We Time&rdquo;
How to Love Without Trying to Fix
Love is not a performance, it&rsquo;s a practice. It&rsquo;s built in the quiet moments when we choose to listen instead of defend, to understand instead of control, and to show up even when it feels uncomfortable. Every relationship, whether romantic or otherwise, becomes stronger when we replace judgment with curiosity and fear with honesty.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe <a href="https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe">here</a>.&nbsp;
Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! <a href="https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast">https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast</a>&nbsp;
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
00:54 Earning Love Through Real Connection
03:16 Why You Should Speak Up Early
06:51 Creating a Safe Space for Vulnerability
11:20 Can You Love Someone Without Loving Yourself?
13:55 How Acceptance Strengthens Your Relationship
20:37 Compatibility vs. Chemistry: What Matters More?
25:07 Do Couples Need Individual Therapy Too?
28:05 A Live Couples Therapy Session
44:06 Communicate Clearly Not Through Assumptions
47:08 Healthy Ways to Approach Conflict
51:28 Understanding the Many Forms of Love
57:46 Are Both of Your Needs Being Met?
01:01:44 Learning to Embrace and Communicate Differences
Episode Resources:
Lori Gottlieb | <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiIETTq2It3OzW8_WYRPTyQ">YouTube</a>
Lori Gottlieb | <a href="https://www.instagram.com/lorigottlieb_author/">Instagram</a>
Lori Gottlieb | <a href="https://lorigottlieb.com/">Website</a>
<a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-therapists-with-lori-gottlieb-and-guy-winch/id1523340696">Dear Therapists Podcast</a>
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Maybe-Should-Talk-Someone-Journal/dp/0358667216?ref_=ast_author_dp">Maybe You Should Talk to Someone</a>

I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace.

I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!

I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace.
I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

My name is Jay Shetty, and my purpose is to make wisdom go viral. I’m fortunate to have fascinating conversations with the most insightful people in the world, and on my podcast, I’m sharing those conversations with you. New episodes Mondays and Fridays. Please rate and review the podcast if you enjoy it. Live life today ON PURPOSE.

My name is Jay Shetty, and my purpose is to make wisdom go viral. I’m fortunate to have fascinating conversations with the most insightful people in the world, and on my podcast, I’m sharing those conversations with you. New episodes Mondays and Fridays. Please rate and review the podcast if you enjoy it. Live life today ON PURPOSE.

Lori Gottlieb: Stop Mistaking Calm for Boring! (Follow THIS Simple Rule to Build REAL Love)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/8f445037-87b8-4861-82dc-b38500813c78/transcript

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