Hey everyone, it's Ja Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience on purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q and a intimate meditation and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to Jsheddy, dop Me Forward Slash Tour and get yours.

Hey everyone, it's Ja Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience on purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q and a intimate meditation and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to Jsheddy, dop Me Forward Slash Tour and get yours.

Today I wasn't happy, and I was burnt, and I just felt like a punching bag. And I also was getting really bad performance anxiety. Right before I did my first ever stand up set, I thought, oh no, I'm going to start getting those feelings I would get before for a match of just like dread and.

Today I wasn't happy, and I was burnt, and I just felt like a punching bag. And I also was getting really bad performance anxiety. Right before I did my first ever stand up set, I thought, oh no, I'm going to start getting those feelings I would get before for a match of just like dread and.

Shame and stand up.

Shame and stand up.

I went on stage and I felt a calmness I hadn't felt before. It's kind of like why I try to fit into something that isn't right, so I urge people to find their calm.

I went on stage and I felt a calmness I hadn't felt before. It's kind of like why I try to fit into something that isn't right, so I urge people to find their calm.

The number one health and wellness podcast Jay Shetty Jay Shetty See One Only Shedy. Hey, everyone, welcome back to on Purpose. I am so excited for today's guest. I was a guest on her show probably just over a year ago. We had the best time, and if you haven't listened to it, I hope you will after this episode. Today's guest is someone that is known for being hilariously funny, extremely witty, someone who's got the ability to make you think, laugh, and all of the same at the same time. Her name is Hannah Berner, one of the most influential rising comedians of this generation. She has two hit podcasts, Is If One Wasn't Good Enough Gigle Squad and Bernafhone, which have goneered over one hundred million combined DOWNLOADSAH video series Hanna on the Street has earned over three hundred and fifty million views, and Hannah was named one of Variety's Top ten Comics to Watch in twenty twenty three. She also just finished touring her solo stand up routine to sold out theaters across North America and Europe, and William Bark on a Club Gigli national tour with co host Paige Disorbo. The duo will release their book How to Giggle, A Guide to Taking Life Less Seriously via Simon and Schuster on April fifteenth, twenty twenty five. So let's look forward to and most recently, Hannah debuted her first Netflix comedy special, We Ride at Dawn, which premiered at number two on the platform and is streaming now. Welcome to the show, Hannah Bernard, and.

The number one health and wellness podcast Jay Shetty Jay Shetty See One Only Shedy. Hey, everyone, welcome back to on Purpose. I am so excited for today's guest. I was a guest on her show probably just over a year ago. We had the best time, and if you haven't listened to it, I hope you will after this episode. Today's guest is someone that is known for being hilariously funny, extremely witty, someone who's got the ability to make you think, laugh, and all of the same at the same time. Her name is Hannah Berner, one of the most influential rising comedians of this generation. She has two hit podcasts, Is If One Wasn't Good Enough Gigle Squad and Bernafhone, which have goneered over one hundred million combined DOWNLOADSAH video series Hanna on the Street has earned over three hundred and fifty million views, and Hannah was named one of Variety's Top ten Comics to Watch in twenty twenty three. She also just finished touring her solo stand up routine to sold out theaters across North America and Europe, and William Bark on a Club Gigli national tour with co host Paige Disorbo. The duo will release their book How to Giggle, A Guide to Taking Life Less Seriously via Simon and Schuster on April fifteenth, twenty twenty five. So let's look forward to and most recently, Hannah debuted her first Netflix comedy special, We Ride at Dawn, which premiered at number two on the platform and is streaming now. Welcome to the show, Hannah Bernard, and.

People got everything. I've nothing left to say.

People got everything. I've nothing left to say.

That's it. You No, thank.

That's it. You No, thank.

You for that. I appreciate it.

You for that. I appreciate it.

It's amazing. It's so fun. Like when we met last year, I was learning all of my team are huge fans, like huge fans, and I was learning so much about you through them, and they were just like, this is it's amazing, you know, And just to see the incredible journey you've been on over the last eighteen months is amazing.

It's amazing. It's so fun. Like when we met last year, I was learning all of my team are huge fans, like huge fans, and I was learning so much about you through them, and they were just like, this is it's amazing, you know, And just to see the incredible journey you've been on over the last eighteen months is amazing.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And I was gonna started by asking you, like, have you always been this confident?

And I was gonna started by asking you, like, have you always been this confident?

Oh my god, I think I always was delusional, Like I always was like bored without having like a dream, Like at like seven years old, I wanted to be a professional tennis player, and someone told my parents like she's too late to start. My parents told me, like, you can't be a professional tennis player. Someone told us that, and apparently I cried all day, like what kind of passionate little seven year old? Was like how dare they tell me I can't do that? And then I just was like that's my dream. I just always wanted to. I wanted to be like different and great in some capacity, which could be very ego now that I'm looking back, but like I just wanted to challenge myself and chase something.

Oh my god, I think I always was delusional, Like I always was like bored without having like a dream, Like at like seven years old, I wanted to be a professional tennis player, and someone told my parents like she's too late to start. My parents told me, like, you can't be a professional tennis player. Someone told us that, and apparently I cried all day, like what kind of passionate little seven year old? Was like how dare they tell me I can't do that? And then I just was like that's my dream. I just always wanted to. I wanted to be like different and great in some capacity, which could be very ego now that I'm looking back, but like I just wanted to challenge myself and chase something.

Had you ever played tennis before? I go?

Had you ever played tennis before? I go?

I still haven't played tennis night now.

I still haven't played tennis night now.

I was like I was at I was an athletic kid, and I think like I was the Serena generation. Like seeing Serena, I was like, why can't that be me? It was always kind of like, yeah, why can't I do that? I don't know if it was intrinsically, like my dad definitely instilled a lot of belief in me, and I just always was like why can't me, especially in like spaces that I felt like I didn't belong, whether it was like male dominated spaces or just like like places that I didn't think easily I could get into. I Even my dad has a story that we were ice skating once when I was like six, and all the girls were in the middle doing the jumps and then everyone else is like scared holding the rink on the outside, and I was like, I want to go to the middle, and he was like, you've never ice skated before, and I'm like, put me in the middle, coach. So I just always had that attitude, and it's it's hard to always be chasing like lofty goals, but I think that's like the high that I like.

I was like I was at I was an athletic kid, and I think like I was the Serena generation. Like seeing Serena, I was like, why can't that be me? It was always kind of like, yeah, why can't I do that? I don't know if it was intrinsically, like my dad definitely instilled a lot of belief in me, and I just always was like why can't me, especially in like spaces that I felt like I didn't belong, whether it was like male dominated spaces or just like like places that I didn't think easily I could get into. I Even my dad has a story that we were ice skating once when I was like six, and all the girls were in the middle doing the jumps and then everyone else is like scared holding the rink on the outside, and I was like, I want to go to the middle, and he was like, you've never ice skated before, and I'm like, put me in the middle, coach. So I just always had that attitude, and it's it's hard to always be chasing like lofty goals, but I think that's like the high that I like.

Yeah, that's dope. I mean, that's such a great mindset. I mean, you reminded me of me. I skating when I was young. I was I was like, I'm so bad, but I could skate then and I couldn't stop, Like I didn't matter slow down, so I would just fall when I had to stop. And now it's like I'm the guy holding the side.

Yeah, that's dope. I mean, that's such a great mindset. I mean, you reminded me of me. I skating when I was young. I was I was like, I'm so bad, but I could skate then and I couldn't stop, Like I didn't matter slow down, so I would just fall when I had to stop. And now it's like I'm the guy holding the side.

Guy I get older, You're like, this is an insane hobby to have. Yeah, Like, there's so many things that can go wrong totally.

Guy I get older, You're like, this is an insane hobby to have. Yeah, Like, there's so many things that can go wrong totally.

I've seen people like break their teeth and ship them and I've seen fingers flying things flying. I'm like, I don't need that to happen at this age, but it seems like you've channeled that into your career, right, like that energy, it's not like it got lost somewhere. Yeah, But before we get to that, I wanted to ask you a few more things because when I was looking into parts of your journey and what you've talked about, what you haven't.

I've seen people like break their teeth and ship them and I've seen fingers flying things flying. I'm like, I don't need that to happen at this age, but it seems like you've channeled that into your career, right, like that energy, it's not like it got lost somewhere. Yeah, But before we get to that, I wanted to ask you a few more things because when I was looking into parts of your journey and what you've talked about, what you haven't.

There's a lot of lives and like a cat, yeah.

There's a lot of lives and like a cat, yeah.

You've lived so many lives. But I feel you've been amazing at pivoting and you've been like what I what I like to think of, like an expert in quitting, Like you've been good at you can.

You've lived so many lives. But I feel you've been amazing at pivoting and you've been like what I what I like to think of, like an expert in quitting, Like you've been good at you can.

Say firing, you can say you don't have to sugarcoat it. No, it's funny. I recently was like dming an astrologer as you do, and she was like, you're really about like rebirth and you're all about like things falling apart and then coming up like a phoenix. And I was like, why couldn't I have something easier.

Say firing, you can say you don't have to sugarcoat it. No, it's funny. I recently was like dming an astrologer as you do, and she was like, you're really about like rebirth and you're all about like things falling apart and then coming up like a phoenix. And I was like, why couldn't I have something easier.

Be my purpose?

Be my purpose?

But I've Yeah, I when I outgrow something or don't feel right, like, I get out of it, and sometimes people get out of it for me when I don't have the balls to be like, this isn't my space anymore. But yeah, I've been I had to quit. I quit tennis, so I felt like a loser even though I spent my whole life pursuing it and I played number one for the University of Wisconsin full scholarship. Like externally, people were like, she's successful. Or in my head, I'm like, I'm a loser failure because I didn't win Wimbledon. And then I'm like, why did I do all that? And then I got into eventually got into video production, and I got fired from that drum and then I did really TV and I got fired from that and now I have enough look special, But it really where some people might be like, oh, like you're getting fired. I really was like I was finding myself every time. And the more you are connected to yourself, the more and honest you are with yourself and in tune with yourself, the more spaces might not be right for you. I've never been good at just like blindly following. I don't like being fake. I can't pretend to be happy like my body will reject situation the same with like relationships, like I can't the second I'm like, this is not right for me. I like blurted out, like like it needs to come out.

But I've Yeah, I when I outgrow something or don't feel right, like, I get out of it, and sometimes people get out of it for me when I don't have the balls to be like, this isn't my space anymore. But yeah, I've been I had to quit. I quit tennis, so I felt like a loser even though I spent my whole life pursuing it and I played number one for the University of Wisconsin full scholarship. Like externally, people were like, she's successful. Or in my head, I'm like, I'm a loser failure because I didn't win Wimbledon. And then I'm like, why did I do all that? And then I got into eventually got into video production, and I got fired from that drum and then I did really TV and I got fired from that and now I have enough look special, But it really where some people might be like, oh, like you're getting fired. I really was like I was finding myself every time. And the more you are connected to yourself, the more and honest you are with yourself and in tune with yourself, the more spaces might not be right for you. I've never been good at just like blindly following. I don't like being fake. I can't pretend to be happy like my body will reject situation the same with like relationships, like I can't the second I'm like, this is not right for me. I like blurted out, like like it needs to come out.

How will your body tell you that? Like what's the anxiety?

How will your body tell you that? Like what's the anxiety?

And it's funny. At first I was like, oh, no, do I have anxiety?

And it's funny. At first I was like, oh, no, do I have anxiety?

And I've talked to people and they're like, no, your intuitions actually really good.

And I've talked to people and they're like, no, your intuitions actually really good.

You just have to listen to it.

You just have to listen to it.

But when you question it, that's when you like, I've been in places where I'm like I must self sabotaging, but my body's just like this isn't for you.

But when you question it, that's when you like, I've been in places where I'm like I must self sabotaging, but my body's just like this isn't for you.

That's so powerful. I love that you said that because I think we don't connect those two things. We see it as, oh, I'm having anxious feelings. I feel nervous.

That's so powerful. I love that you said that because I think we don't connect those two things. We see it as, oh, I'm having anxious feelings. I feel nervous.

Body's protecting you.

Body's protecting you.

Yeah, totally, but it is signaling something, it's telling you something.

Yeah, totally, but it is signaling something, it's telling you something.

Yeah, because I feel like we can lie to ourselves a lot, especially when you're like mentally strong, and in tennis you have to really suppress your mind. You have to be like, I'm not nervous, I'm not tired, I'm so ready for this match, and you have to like.

Yeah, because I feel like we can lie to ourselves a lot, especially when you're like mentally strong, and in tennis you have to really suppress your mind. You have to be like, I'm not nervous, I'm not tired, I'm so ready for this match, and you have to like.

Numb your your inner thoughts.

Numb your your inner thoughts.

And as I got older, I realized weight I have to start listening to my inner thoughts because they're actually right. And with tennis, I realize looking back, all the success I have now is because of the tennis training I had. It really was part of who I am now. Like, just because you lost a dream doesn't mean that's not going to make you better at something else. It's not like, oh, that was a waste, which I love to tell people, but also like I love divorce, love, I love firing, I love leaving places that aren't right for you, And I feel like so many times you think you have to stay. I think the coolest part about life is tomorrow I could wake up and say I don't want to do this anymore, and there's such a beauty in that.

And as I got older, I realized weight I have to start listening to my inner thoughts because they're actually right. And with tennis, I realize looking back, all the success I have now is because of the tennis training I had. It really was part of who I am now. Like, just because you lost a dream doesn't mean that's not going to make you better at something else. It's not like, oh, that was a waste, which I love to tell people, but also like I love divorce, love, I love firing, I love leaving places that aren't right for you, And I feel like so many times you think you have to stay. I think the coolest part about life is tomorrow I could wake up and say I don't want to do this anymore, and there's such a beauty in that.

Yeah, why do you think we project that expectation onto a dream? Like if you think about it, when you think you're going to become a tennis player today, you're a comedian. You've lived a million lives in between. I'm sure you'll live a million more and you'll keep evolving. But a lot of us, like you said, we just stayed glued. So I could have been, I should have been if only I would have been, And that way we never shift our lens what allows you to be so positive about going Let me trust that that isn't for me, and I don't fit in here. If people are listening and watching and they're thinking their first dream hasn't come true or they failed at their first dream, yeah, how do you start believing in a second dream.

Yeah, why do you think we project that expectation onto a dream? Like if you think about it, when you think you're going to become a tennis player today, you're a comedian. You've lived a million lives in between. I'm sure you'll live a million more and you'll keep evolving. But a lot of us, like you said, we just stayed glued. So I could have been, I should have been if only I would have been, And that way we never shift our lens what allows you to be so positive about going Let me trust that that isn't for me, and I don't fit in here. If people are listening and watching and they're thinking their first dream hasn't come true or they failed at their first dream, yeah, how do you start believing in a second dream.

It's so funny because everything is perspective, like even me joking like I did that that was a waste and I didn't when Wimbledon and you laughed like it's funny, But then it's also like comeing up.

It's so funny because everything is perspective, like even me joking like I did that that was a waste and I didn't when Wimbledon and you laughed like it's funny, But then it's also like comeing up.

Sorry.

Sorry.

When I was I was like, the fact you didn't win Wimbledon, you're a piece of shit, because that was twenty years of putting your heart and soul into this dream. But when I when I started doing comedy, my career likes sended like I abnormally fast and it's I tell people, I'm like, it's because I had a career before this to prepare me. And I approach comedy the way I approached tennis. But like healthier tennis, I was very hard on myself and I had the work ethic, but I didn't always practice smart.

When I was I was like, the fact you didn't win Wimbledon, you're a piece of shit, because that was twenty years of putting your heart and soul into this dream. But when I when I started doing comedy, my career likes sended like I abnormally fast and it's I tell people, I'm like, it's because I had a career before this to prepare me. And I approach comedy the way I approached tennis. But like healthier tennis, I was very hard on myself and I had the work ethic, but I didn't always practice smart.

I was very.

I was very.

Like negative self talk, and with comedy I'm now like recoaching myself in a new way. So I'm like, when you go on stage, you're gonna be positive, you're not a loser when you mess up. And I get to speak to myself the way I wish I was spoken to in my past career. And I see so many people who are like sad because they're ending something, and I'm like, you're gonna be so good at the next thing. And also there's a lot of shame that comes with like when you didn't accomplish something you wanted to. But these are all just your own games you're playing in your head of what you should be. Because if I look back, I actually my first love was like acting and being goofy, like I love drama class, I love painting, I loved creating, but I happened to be super athletic, and that was where I was kind of pushed towards. And looking back, I'm like, wait, I didn't think you could make money doing what you love. I thought you had to be like a tortured athlete who was just like on the grind. And for anyone who's feeling kind of not having a purpose right now, think back to what you loved when you were a kid, and I know it sounds crazy, but like you can still be that kid and have that joy before society told you all these things that you.

Like negative self talk, and with comedy I'm now like recoaching myself in a new way. So I'm like, when you go on stage, you're gonna be positive, you're not a loser when you mess up. And I get to speak to myself the way I wish I was spoken to in my past career. And I see so many people who are like sad because they're ending something, and I'm like, you're gonna be so good at the next thing. And also there's a lot of shame that comes with like when you didn't accomplish something you wanted to. But these are all just your own games you're playing in your head of what you should be. Because if I look back, I actually my first love was like acting and being goofy, like I love drama class, I love painting, I loved creating, but I happened to be super athletic, and that was where I was kind of pushed towards. And looking back, I'm like, wait, I didn't think you could make money doing what you love. I thought you had to be like a tortured athlete who was just like on the grind. And for anyone who's feeling kind of not having a purpose right now, think back to what you loved when you were a kid, and I know it sounds crazy, but like you can still be that kid and have that joy before society told you all these things that you.

Should do to be successful.

Should do to be successful.

And I kind of realized tennis there were too many rules and I like don't enjoy playing by the rules, Like I don't like staying in the box, and tennis was all about like.

And I kind of realized tennis there were too many rules and I like don't enjoy playing by the rules, Like I don't like staying in the box, and tennis was all about like.

Hitting in the lines. Yeah, and stand up.

Hitting in the lines. Yeah, and stand up.

I think I love because like I go on stage and no one can tell me what to do, and it turns out that's where I can be my most myself.

I think I love because like I go on stage and no one can tell me what to do, and it turns out that's where I can be my most myself.

I love that you would have been that play smashing the racket.

I love that you would have been that play smashing the racket.

Oh I've broken rackets.

Oh I've broken rackets.

I've definitely you know, had like coaches that wanted me to change stuff about my game that I would try, but I didn't.

I've definitely you know, had like coaches that wanted me to change stuff about my game that I would try, but I didn't.

Really believe it. It was a lot of like just.

Really believe it. It was a lot of like just.

Trust your coach and don't listen to yourself, and it really it made me who I am. And I actually couldn't watch tennis for years after. I was very like it was like an ex boyfriend, like because it was the longest relationship I ever had. Yeah, So but now I like love tennis like I have it on all the time. I played a lot this summer to get fit, and I was like, wait, it's it's a part of me and it makes me who I am, and me calling myself a loser is just that's a perspective you can take or you can be. Like, by the way, I actually was really good at tennis back in the day.

Trust your coach and don't listen to yourself, and it really it made me who I am. And I actually couldn't watch tennis for years after. I was very like it was like an ex boyfriend, like because it was the longest relationship I ever had. Yeah, So but now I like love tennis like I have it on all the time. I played a lot this summer to get fit, and I was like, wait, it's it's a part of me and it makes me who I am, and me calling myself a loser is just that's a perspective you can take or you can be. Like, by the way, I actually was really good at tennis back in the day.

Isn't that cool?

Isn't that cool?

I can relate to you in so many ways, like my life's so different, but as you're speaking, I feel exactly the same way. Like I think even when we sat on your show, I was talking about how leaving being a monk felt like a divorce at the time, Yes, and because I felt like I was getting married. It was a commitment, it was something I was really excited about. And then now it's been eleven years since I've left the monastery and I am so happy I left. And I couldn't agree with you more that I too, have lived so many lives in between that and this. I went back into the corporate world. I worked in a massive corporation with five hundred thousand employees and all of what that looked like. And then I worked at a media company. I was at half Post for briefly, and so I've lived so many lives, and I couldn't agree with you more that I've just constantly tried to move closer to who I really am and align with how I want to express myself who I want to be.

I can relate to you in so many ways, like my life's so different, but as you're speaking, I feel exactly the same way. Like I think even when we sat on your show, I was talking about how leaving being a monk felt like a divorce at the time, Yes, and because I felt like I was getting married. It was a commitment, it was something I was really excited about. And then now it's been eleven years since I've left the monastery and I am so happy I left. And I couldn't agree with you more that I too, have lived so many lives in between that and this. I went back into the corporate world. I worked in a massive corporation with five hundred thousand employees and all of what that looked like. And then I worked at a media company. I was at half Post for briefly, and so I've lived so many lives, and I couldn't agree with you more that I've just constantly tried to move closer to who I really am and align with how I want to express myself who I want to be.

And you can't just know it.

And you can't just know it.

You can't, like you have to go through those trials and tribulations. Like I tried entertainment in so many different ways, Like I were at a company, I did reality TV, like I did a lot of things that I did it and I was like, doesn't really feel right, but I do like parts of it. So then you grow and you just take what you learned. That's why anyone who's having a tough time in their twenties, you're supposed to have a tough time. Like the twenties, everyone's flailing, and you take that time. So by the time you get to thirty, you're like, Oh, first of all, I'm tired. I'm too tired to be like upset about things. And two, I kind of know what I like and what I don't like.

You can't, like you have to go through those trials and tribulations. Like I tried entertainment in so many different ways, Like I were at a company, I did reality TV, like I did a lot of things that I did it and I was like, doesn't really feel right, but I do like parts of it. So then you grow and you just take what you learned. That's why anyone who's having a tough time in their twenties, you're supposed to have a tough time. Like the twenties, everyone's flailing, and you take that time. So by the time you get to thirty, you're like, Oh, first of all, I'm tired. I'm too tired to be like upset about things. And two, I kind of know what I like and what I don't like.

Yeah, is it true that I've I heard somewhere very briefly that you were hit by a car?

Yeah, is it true that I've I heard somewhere very briefly that you were hit by a car?

Oh?

Oh?

Is that? Like? I because I couldn't really I was trying.

Is that? Like? I because I couldn't really I was trying.

To I don't like say it that much because I don't want people to think I stopped tennis because I got hit by a fire right. But my last year at University of Wisconsin, I was playing number one for the team and I kind of had this idea that if I had a great season, I would then go pro. And this season was it was going pretty well, and then right before like the Big Ten tournament, I got hit by a car going to practice and it was like seven am University of Wisconsin. It was like zero degrees. I had a big park on and a guy hit me from the car and I'm lying on the ground, and the first thing I thought about was like, tell my coach, I'm gonna be late because I'm gonna be in trouble cause like he's gonna be like, why is she not here?

To I don't like say it that much because I don't want people to think I stopped tennis because I got hit by a fire right. But my last year at University of Wisconsin, I was playing number one for the team and I kind of had this idea that if I had a great season, I would then go pro. And this season was it was going pretty well, and then right before like the Big Ten tournament, I got hit by a car going to practice and it was like seven am University of Wisconsin. It was like zero degrees. I had a big park on and a guy hit me from the car and I'm lying on the ground, and the first thing I thought about was like, tell my coach, I'm gonna be late because I'm gonna be in trouble cause like he's gonna be like, why is she not here?

Like I was. So it's almost.

Like I was. So it's almost.

Cultish, like you're just so obsessed with this team and doing your best and winning. And I recovered after a couple of months, but I wasn't like my sharpest and I lost.

Cultish, like you're just so obsessed with this team and doing your best and winning. And I recovered after a couple of months, but I wasn't like my sharpest and I lost.

This is very sports talk, but I.

This is very sports talk, but I.

Lost five matches in third set tiebreakers, So it basically means like I'm like one or two points were the difference in five matches, and if I had won those five matches, I would have like won all these awards, I would have probably gone pro and for whatever reason, like these are really just these minuscule moments, I didn't win those matches, and I remember being like I think the universe like a person can only take so much. But the thing is I could have kept playing tennis and I would have been fine. But I knew there was more happiness in life that I just wasn't living and I wasn't happy, and I was burnt and I just felt like a punching bag. And I also was getting really bad performance anxiety. And what's cool about the performance anxiety is that I thought I would have it in comedy too, and I didn't. Like right before I did my first ever stand up set, I thought, oh no, I'm going to start getting those feelings I would get before a match of just like dread and shame and like judgment day, like whatever happens is gonna there's a lot weighing on it. And stand up I went on stage and I felt a calmness I hadn't felt before, so I urged people to find their calm. It's kind of like why try to fit into something that isn't right? And I do think I was playing for other people besides myself. I wanted my parents to be proud of me. I wanted my peers to think I was cool, and that's all you know when you're younger.

Lost five matches in third set tiebreakers, So it basically means like I'm like one or two points were the difference in five matches, and if I had won those five matches, I would have like won all these awards, I would have probably gone pro and for whatever reason, like these are really just these minuscule moments, I didn't win those matches, and I remember being like I think the universe like a person can only take so much. But the thing is I could have kept playing tennis and I would have been fine. But I knew there was more happiness in life that I just wasn't living and I wasn't happy, and I was burnt and I just felt like a punching bag. And I also was getting really bad performance anxiety. And what's cool about the performance anxiety is that I thought I would have it in comedy too, and I didn't. Like right before I did my first ever stand up set, I thought, oh no, I'm going to start getting those feelings I would get before a match of just like dread and shame and like judgment day, like whatever happens is gonna there's a lot weighing on it. And stand up I went on stage and I felt a calmness I hadn't felt before, so I urged people to find their calm. It's kind of like why try to fit into something that isn't right? And I do think I was playing for other people besides myself. I wanted my parents to be proud of me. I wanted my peers to think I was cool, and that's all you know when you're younger.

Yeah, yeah, I like that idea of moving towards your calm. I mean it's the same in relationships, yes, like I had, You're so right one of my friends, she's gonna hate me for putting it out. One of my friends messaged me the other day and she was just like, just went out of this guy. He was perfect, we had the same values. He'd be an amazing dad. But I just didn't feel it. And I was like, dude, did you feel peace? Did you feel calm? And she was like I felt so peaceful, felt so calm. I was like, you should at least give it a second date or a fair day, like you don't just write it off. And it was so interesting to me how we're so averse to things feeling aligned, Like we have this kind of allergic reaction when something feels aligned, and something actually feels you.

Yeah, yeah, I like that idea of moving towards your calm. I mean it's the same in relationships, yes, like I had, You're so right one of my friends, she's gonna hate me for putting it out. One of my friends messaged me the other day and she was just like, just went out of this guy. He was perfect, we had the same values. He'd be an amazing dad. But I just didn't feel it. And I was like, dude, did you feel peace? Did you feel calm? And she was like I felt so peaceful, felt so calm. I was like, you should at least give it a second date or a fair day, like you don't just write it off. And it was so interesting to me how we're so averse to things feeling aligned, Like we have this kind of allergic reaction when something feels aligned, and something actually feels you.

Almost feel guilty.

Almost feel guilty.

When something comes easy, You're like that's not how it's supposed to be. The dating stuff is so funny because I have a friend who like loves dating like drummers who were in jail, Like that's her thing, and she's gorgeous and like such a catch, but she loves these like projects to take on and she recently met this guy and she was like, I love him, but like I feel like he needs like a neck tattoo or something. And I was like, let's just take a breather keep seeing him, because Yeah, there was this addiction to tennis that almost wasn't that healthy, Like I was addicted to the drama and the the just like the anxiety it was provoking in the highs, and I was actually still able to find those highs in comedy that was just like less torturous to me.

When something comes easy, You're like that's not how it's supposed to be. The dating stuff is so funny because I have a friend who like loves dating like drummers who were in jail, Like that's her thing, and she's gorgeous and like such a catch, but she loves these like projects to take on and she recently met this guy and she was like, I love him, but like I feel like he needs like a neck tattoo or something. And I was like, let's just take a breather keep seeing him, because Yeah, there was this addiction to tennis that almost wasn't that healthy, Like I was addicted to the drama and the the just like the anxiety it was provoking in the highs, and I was actually still able to find those highs in comedy that was just like less torturous to me.

Yeah, I really like that comparison between the two because obviously you were brilliant at both. And it's hard to decipher, Like I meet a lot of people who are like, Jay, I could do this, or I could do this, which one should I do? Yeah, it's like a very common question that I get, Like I'm passionate about this, and I'm passionate about this, and what I hear what you're saying to kind of deciphering divide the two is well, maybe you're addicted to this, and maybe you have a lot of affection for this over here, and go with the thing that feels less overtly stressful, less dramatic, less like the high's really high and the loads really low.

Yeah, I really like that comparison between the two because obviously you were brilliant at both. And it's hard to decipher, Like I meet a lot of people who are like, Jay, I could do this, or I could do this, which one should I do? Yeah, it's like a very common question that I get, Like I'm passionate about this, and I'm passionate about this, and what I hear what you're saying to kind of deciphering divide the two is well, maybe you're addicted to this, and maybe you have a lot of affection for this over here, and go with the thing that feels less overtly stressful, less dramatic, less like the high's really high and the loads really low.

Yes, right, Yes, I mean I'm kind of obsessed with. And by obsessed with, I mean I heard about it once and I like it stoicism because.

Yes, right, Yes, I mean I'm kind of obsessed with. And by obsessed with, I mean I heard about it once and I like it stoicism because.

That was not my life.

That was not my life.

It's like, especially as an athlete, as a tennis player, you're like.

It's like, especially as an athlete, as a tennis player, you're like.

Losing all the time, or you're like I'm the greatest that ever did this, or you're like, oh so going to quit.

Losing all the time, or you're like I'm the greatest that ever did this, or you're like, oh so going to quit.

And I think what I realized with tennis, and it was hard to admit, but I actually did not like the competition. But I thought that was just a problem that I had to overcome. I was like, you're you're just not doing it right. But all the girls around me would be like, I actually hate practice, but like I love the competition, and the competition is literally what it means to be a professional athlete. When it came to comedy, some people will be like, I hate going on stage. I live for the stage, Like I'm more uncomfortable at like a group dinner.

And I think what I realized with tennis, and it was hard to admit, but I actually did not like the competition. But I thought that was just a problem that I had to overcome. I was like, you're you're just not doing it right. But all the girls around me would be like, I actually hate practice, but like I love the competition, and the competition is literally what it means to be a professional athlete. When it came to comedy, some people will be like, I hate going on stage. I live for the stage, Like I'm more uncomfortable at like a group dinner.

But if you give me because I'm like, when do I talk, do it? Do less?

But if you give me because I'm like, when do I talk, do it? Do less?

Door?

Door?

I do more?

I do more?

But when I have a mic on stage, I know exactly what to do. And it's corny to say, but like, go towards your purpose and go to and the calmness is where it's like, oh, this is where you're supposed to be. It's almost like with friend groups, like you know when you're with people and you just feel like I'm saying everything wrong. I'm awkward. Oh my god, I hate myself. I'm so embarrassed. You could say those same things with the right people and you would feel like comfortable. So I feel like that with careers. So going back to your question of which one should I do? I literally did not like competing, but I liked I was so comfortable with the idea of being a tennis player and overcoming this performed anxiety and getting to the next level. And it's like, if you're going to do something for a long time and be good at it and want to be successful, you have.

But when I have a mic on stage, I know exactly what to do. And it's corny to say, but like, go towards your purpose and go to and the calmness is where it's like, oh, this is where you're supposed to be. It's almost like with friend groups, like you know when you're with people and you just feel like I'm saying everything wrong. I'm awkward. Oh my god, I hate myself. I'm so embarrassed. You could say those same things with the right people and you would feel like comfortable. So I feel like that with careers. So going back to your question of which one should I do? I literally did not like competing, but I liked I was so comfortable with the idea of being a tennis player and overcoming this performed anxiety and getting to the next level. And it's like, if you're going to do something for a long time and be good at it and want to be successful, you have.

To like it. And I know that sounds so simple.

To like it. And I know that sounds so simple.

People come up to me.

People come up to me.

They're like, I want to start a podcast. What should I do?

They're like, I want to start a podcast. What should I do?

And I'm like, do something that you would do for free and talk about for years. Yeah, you can't just do it because you're like, oh, I want to see my face on a chart. There. You won't make it. There's no longevity in that. They are also my people. I was going through a hard time with reality TV actually, and I started doing stand up and I would tell people what I'm going through, and the stand ups were just like making fun of me and seeing it through their lens. I suddenly felt safe, I felt calm, and I started to relate to them. I'm like, wait, I think like these people. Finding community is a huge part of my happiness. Where tennis is very lonely, yeah, everyone was my competition, and comedy is lonely too, but I was able to find a community within it.

And I'm like, do something that you would do for free and talk about for years. Yeah, you can't just do it because you're like, oh, I want to see my face on a chart. There. You won't make it. There's no longevity in that. They are also my people. I was going through a hard time with reality TV actually, and I started doing stand up and I would tell people what I'm going through, and the stand ups were just like making fun of me and seeing it through their lens. I suddenly felt safe, I felt calm, and I started to relate to them. I'm like, wait, I think like these people. Finding community is a huge part of my happiness. Where tennis is very lonely, yeah, everyone was my competition, and comedy is lonely too, but I was able to find a community within it.

It's interesting.

It's interesting.

I'm like figuring this out right now as I'm speaking, because people will say, like, it's not about money, it's not about fame, it's about community. But I'm a pretty like I don't love partying, socialize, but comedy I almost accidentally found people who accepted me, which I think has overall helped my day to day like happiness.

I'm like figuring this out right now as I'm speaking, because people will say, like, it's not about money, it's not about fame, it's about community. But I'm a pretty like I don't love partying, socialize, but comedy I almost accidentally found people who accepted me, which I think has overall helped my day to day like happiness.

You've reminded me of this great book that I read a long time ago called Flow State. It's all about flow, and it talks about this idea that comedians, speakers, musicians, athletes experience flow state. Flow state is defined as when your skills meet the challenge. So when your skills in challenge are perfectly aligned, you experience flow. But well, most of us experience are the opposite. So we experience our skills being above our challenge, so we feel bored and frustrated and kind of lethargic. Or you experience where your challenge is way above your skills, and then you feel depressed and you feel annoyed, and you feel control out of control. And so we've got to constantly find a space or find the thing where your challenges and your skills meet. And I've always liked that idea. And how does competition look like as a comedian?

You've reminded me of this great book that I read a long time ago called Flow State. It's all about flow, and it talks about this idea that comedians, speakers, musicians, athletes experience flow state. Flow state is defined as when your skills meet the challenge. So when your skills in challenge are perfectly aligned, you experience flow. But well, most of us experience are the opposite. So we experience our skills being above our challenge, so we feel bored and frustrated and kind of lethargic. Or you experience where your challenge is way above your skills, and then you feel depressed and you feel annoyed, and you feel control out of control. And so we've got to constantly find a space or find the thing where your challenges and your skills meet. And I've always liked that idea. And how does competition look like as a comedian?

To me, it was like arts and crafts.

To me, it was like arts and crafts.

I was like, we're all just painting, and like, I like your painting, you like mine.

I was like, we're all just painting, and like, I like your painting, you like mine.

And I think.

And I think.

Some some comics get really into the comparison game because it's easy to be like, why did they get picked for that or they get picked for that.

Some some comics get really into the comparison game because it's easy to be like, why did they get picked for that or they get picked for that.

And I think I don't have an ego with.

And I think I don't have an ego with.

Comedy, because I'll Beyonnest. I have an ego with tennis. Tennis was my everything, So comedy to me was something I no one even anticipated me to be in. So I have a lot of gratitude and it's almost like because of my failure with tennis, I'm able to have such a nice outlook in the comedy space. Every now and then, you know, I do have that like tennis voice that comes in. I remember before I shot my Netflix special, it started to hit me the result voice that I have that with tennis, which was like, oh, your whole career is writing on this and comedy. I consider myself in a flow state because I'm not trying to be perfect on stage.

Comedy, because I'll Beyonnest. I have an ego with tennis. Tennis was my everything, So comedy to me was something I no one even anticipated me to be in. So I have a lot of gratitude and it's almost like because of my failure with tennis, I'm able to have such a nice outlook in the comedy space. Every now and then, you know, I do have that like tennis voice that comes in. I remember before I shot my Netflix special, it started to hit me the result voice that I have that with tennis, which was like, oh, your whole career is writing on this and comedy. I consider myself in a flow state because I'm not trying to be perfect on stage.

It's about my energy, it's vibes.

It's about my energy, it's vibes.

I always say, people don't remember the joke you said, they remember how you made them feel.

I always say, people don't remember the joke you said, they remember how you made them feel.

Yes.

Yes.

But then for the Netflix.

But then for the Netflix.

Special, I felt like, oh my god, this is like a final, like I have to get every word right, and the perfectionist like tennis players start coming back. I like called my therapist. I was like getting a beta blocker, like I was I started to get this crazy anxiety, and I feel like it was almost like, if you want to get to the next level, you have to face those demons that you thought you could just like leave by going to another career. I'm still the same person who was having trouble with tennis, so I was able to kind of battle some demons. I remember a quote that I loved that was like, what if you let your dreams come true? And I remember being like, I think you're not the same girl. Actually, you've grown, you've matured, You're safer mentally, and right before I went on, I was very nervous. Right before I went on, I was like, you're in control and your skills are ready for them. And I felt the same with Fallon, where I was like, you could go up and fumble all your words and blank out, because that was what I would do on the court. I would anything I was scared of. I would do like, oh no, I hope it don't double fault. I double fault. Like it was so frustrating, and comedy has been a way for me to like just like a new avenue for me to express myself in a much more like safer, positive place.

Special, I felt like, oh my god, this is like a final, like I have to get every word right, and the perfectionist like tennis players start coming back. I like called my therapist. I was like getting a beta blocker, like I was I started to get this crazy anxiety, and I feel like it was almost like, if you want to get to the next level, you have to face those demons that you thought you could just like leave by going to another career. I'm still the same person who was having trouble with tennis, so I was able to kind of battle some demons. I remember a quote that I loved that was like, what if you let your dreams come true? And I remember being like, I think you're not the same girl. Actually, you've grown, you've matured, You're safer mentally, and right before I went on, I was very nervous. Right before I went on, I was like, you're in control and your skills are ready for them. And I felt the same with Fallon, where I was like, you could go up and fumble all your words and blank out, because that was what I would do on the court. I would anything I was scared of. I would do like, oh no, I hope it don't double fault. I double fault. Like it was so frustrating, and comedy has been a way for me to like just like a new avenue for me to express myself in a much more like safer, positive place.

Yeah, but I have the.

Yeah, but I have the.

Same like drive and work ethic I think I had with Tennis.

Same like drive and work ethic I think I had with Tennis.

I really love the way you've analyzed both. And I think anyone who's listening right now would gain so much from it, because I think so many people are doing this mental exercise in their head, like the pros and cons of like if I stay in this job, what's it going to feel like? If I quit my job, what's it going to feel like? Well, if I if I start a podcast, as the example you gave, or if I do this, what's it going to feel like? And the truth is, this is what you've got to move towards.

I really love the way you've analyzed both. And I think anyone who's listening right now would gain so much from it, because I think so many people are doing this mental exercise in their head, like the pros and cons of like if I stay in this job, what's it going to feel like? If I quit my job, what's it going to feel like? Well, if I if I start a podcast, as the example you gave, or if I do this, what's it going to feel like? And the truth is, this is what you've got to move towards.

And I also think we're told a lot like keep chasing your dreams, pushed through.

And I also think we're told a lot like keep chasing your dreams, pushed through.

Don't quit.

Don't quit.

So I'm not telling everyone to quit, but I actually think that you know when you're supposed to get out of something, and I think I knew it with Tennis. When the Winds, I was feeling nothing. It was like a drug where if I lost, I'd feel horrible, and then the winds I wasn't even getting the highs anymore. So in my head it's like, why am I doing this if I'm not even getting a high anymore? And I think That's when I knew, like, we're not even chasing anything anymore. We're just at We're just trying to stay afloat. And that's when you know, like, oh the love is gone. And I also tell people like when they're confused about jobs, relationships, I'm like, and if you made the wrong decision, go back. Then no one's like, there's no police that are policing your decisions of being like, oops, I messed up. And sometimes when you give people the freedom to be like you can go back, they leave.

So I'm not telling everyone to quit, but I actually think that you know when you're supposed to get out of something, and I think I knew it with Tennis. When the Winds, I was feeling nothing. It was like a drug where if I lost, I'd feel horrible, and then the winds I wasn't even getting the highs anymore. So in my head it's like, why am I doing this if I'm not even getting a high anymore? And I think That's when I knew, like, we're not even chasing anything anymore. We're just at We're just trying to stay afloat. And that's when you know, like, oh the love is gone. And I also tell people like when they're confused about jobs, relationships, I'm like, and if you made the wrong decision, go back. Then no one's like, there's no police that are policing your decisions of being like, oops, I messed up. And sometimes when you give people the freedom to be like you can go back, they leave.

Yeah. What's really great is that it sounds like you evaluate things as how you feel about them. And so I wonder what's your relationship like with wanting to be liked.

Yeah. What's really great is that it sounds like you evaluate things as how you feel about them. And so I wonder what's your relationship like with wanting to be liked.

I'm a people pleaser. I'm nothing to be a comedian like you want ever? Would have like the best time ever? And that brings me joy. I think I have to think reality TV because my reality TV my biggest fear was to be perceived not who I was. But when you're twenty six, you don't know who you are, Like I remember, I'd go into social situations and I put a lot of pressure on myself to be like I want.

I'm a people pleaser. I'm nothing to be a comedian like you want ever? Would have like the best time ever? And that brings me joy. I think I have to think reality TV because my reality TV my biggest fear was to be perceived not who I was. But when you're twenty six, you don't know who you are, Like I remember, I'd go into social situations and I put a lot of pressure on myself to be like I want.

Everyone to think I'm really funny.

Everyone to think I'm really funny.

And I'm really nice and I'm and I care about them and I'm smart, and it's like putting so much pressure on myself every time it interacts. I wanted to be control of everything. I was like a type A student and achiever, and reality TV you give up control. My first two seasons were good. My third season I experienced what people like tell you could happen, which is like you lose the narrative and they're not showing your perspective anymore. They're showing it through like other lenses. And it was my biggest fear to be misunderstood, like there's one thing for tennis or comedy for people to be like I don't like how she play it, I don't like her jokes, but to be perceived based on like things that didn't actually happen was very painful for me, and I think I realized I also didn't have the heart for it, like I was too sensitive to be in a show that was about kind of.

And I'm really nice and I'm and I care about them and I'm smart, and it's like putting so much pressure on myself every time it interacts. I wanted to be control of everything. I was like a type A student and achiever, and reality TV you give up control. My first two seasons were good. My third season I experienced what people like tell you could happen, which is like you lose the narrative and they're not showing your perspective anymore. They're showing it through like other lenses. And it was my biggest fear to be misunderstood, like there's one thing for tennis or comedy for people to be like I don't like how she play it, I don't like her jokes, but to be perceived based on like things that didn't actually happen was very painful for me, and I think I realized I also didn't have the heart for it, like I was too sensitive to be in a show that was about kind of.

Like who's good, who's bad? Who were rooting for?

Like who's good, who's bad? Who were rooting for?

Like WWE type stuff, where I was like, it really is like sports for women of being like, let's who we're gonna root for this season? Who actually sucks that we didn't know and that energy was I was not good with it and I got fired, and at the time I was like I got a talk show from it, and I was like, you just ub your chance. And also I was confused because I was like I was engaging with everything, I was responding to everything. I did everything everyone wanted me to do. So the math wasn't mathing my like Tennis mind of like, I worked hard, I'm doing well, and I got fired. If I didn't get fired, I wouldn't have a Netflix special, and I also would probably not be in a healthy marriage. And I also would probably not feel like myself. So but also when I got fired, I laugh, but ooh, I got a fire in me. And I think it goes back to that rebirth thing. I realized the one thing I can control that I'm so proud of myself is that I can handle adversity. The stuff I went through with Tennis. It was I went through some bad stuff like yips, like someone Biles type stuff, not to that level, obviously, but I will bounce back and I don't care what people try to do to me or what happens to me. The cream will rise like I'm kind of annoying, where like I'm all about justice and I want everything to be in the right place and for everyone be treated right. It's not life, but you're not a victim. You have to again have the perspective of like just because I failed, just because I got fired, that.

Like WWE type stuff, where I was like, it really is like sports for women of being like, let's who we're gonna root for this season? Who actually sucks that we didn't know and that energy was I was not good with it and I got fired, and at the time I was like I got a talk show from it, and I was like, you just ub your chance. And also I was confused because I was like I was engaging with everything, I was responding to everything. I did everything everyone wanted me to do. So the math wasn't mathing my like Tennis mind of like, I worked hard, I'm doing well, and I got fired. If I didn't get fired, I wouldn't have a Netflix special, and I also would probably not be in a healthy marriage. And I also would probably not feel like myself. So but also when I got fired, I laugh, but ooh, I got a fire in me. And I think it goes back to that rebirth thing. I realized the one thing I can control that I'm so proud of myself is that I can handle adversity. The stuff I went through with Tennis. It was I went through some bad stuff like yips, like someone Biles type stuff, not to that level, obviously, but I will bounce back and I don't care what people try to do to me or what happens to me. The cream will rise like I'm kind of annoying, where like I'm all about justice and I want everything to be in the right place and for everyone be treated right. It's not life, but you're not a victim. You have to again have the perspective of like just because I failed, just because I got fired, that.

Doesn't have to define you.

Doesn't have to define you.

So I kind of got this silly idea where I was like, Okay, I got fired from really TV show and didn't feel like my I was shown to be who I was authentically.

So I kind of got this silly idea where I was like, Okay, I got fired from really TV show and didn't feel like my I was shown to be who I was authentically.

What if I became like the biggest comedian I could.

What if I became like the biggest comedian I could.

Be, which again not a normal thought so much I have, but that's I always think big, Like that's how I've always thought. I really like put the head down and was so motivated by the firing, like I wouldn't be here if I wasn't fired, and it wasn't like these people. It was like I hear you, I see you. Let's find a new outlet. Even I remember after tennis when I just discovered comedy, I felt like a horse that was like walking around lost and then finally they put me in my lane and I was like, I found my lane. So I just wanted to find my lane, and then I could go and finding your lane is very fun because you're just like self exploratory.

Be, which again not a normal thought so much I have, but that's I always think big, Like that's how I've always thought. I really like put the head down and was so motivated by the firing, like I wouldn't be here if I wasn't fired, and it wasn't like these people. It was like I hear you, I see you. Let's find a new outlet. Even I remember after tennis when I just discovered comedy, I felt like a horse that was like walking around lost and then finally they put me in my lane and I was like, I found my lane. So I just wanted to find my lane, and then I could go and finding your lane is very fun because you're just like self exploratory.

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Well, it's during COVID.

Well, it's during COVID.

I think it was kind of like you're not coming back. And I think it's hard because with a lot of people, your whole thing is about your story, which is like the ebbs and flows of evolving, and Bravo's very like, well break you down, we'll build you back up. So they kind of were like, and this is the end for you. So then it was like really in my court to be now punintended, but to be like where do I take this from here? And I learned a lot about like production, reality and unscripted stuff that definitely helped me like do fun stuff and will help me do fun stuff later in my career. Wow.

I think it was kind of like you're not coming back. And I think it's hard because with a lot of people, your whole thing is about your story, which is like the ebbs and flows of evolving, and Bravo's very like, well break you down, we'll build you back up. So they kind of were like, and this is the end for you. So then it was like really in my court to be now punintended, but to be like where do I take this from here? And I learned a lot about like production, reality and unscripted stuff that definitely helped me like do fun stuff and will help me do fun stuff later in my career. Wow.

Yeah, and how many people on this zoon? I think it was me and two people Okay, yeah, it's quite intnight.

Yeah, and how many people on this zoon? I think it was me and two people Okay, yeah, it's quite intnight.

Yeah yeah, yeah it was. And it's also you're getting fired for like being you.

Yeah yeah, yeah it was. And it's also you're getting fired for like being you.

It was pretty hurtful.

It was pretty hurtful.

Did you cry?

Did you cry?

Yeah, yeah for sure.

Yeah, yeah for sure.

And also you felt like you lost all the friends who the show was about. It basically was like, no one wants to be friends with you anymore. Looking back, it was such a blessing and people kept telling that to me. They were like, you're so lucky. This is for a reason, and don't you hate that when you're going to Yes, this is for a reason. And I'm like, I need to make money, like I lost both my jobs, Like I was on a talk show too, and I was just like I have nothing and I have a guy who I'm engaged to who in my head it was like why would you want to be with me when I'm a failure? Because whenever I used to win and do well, people loved me more. So this was a really like pivotal moment of like I had to love myself and believe in myself because like no one was going to fix it.

And also you felt like you lost all the friends who the show was about. It basically was like, no one wants to be friends with you anymore. Looking back, it was such a blessing and people kept telling that to me. They were like, you're so lucky. This is for a reason, and don't you hate that when you're going to Yes, this is for a reason. And I'm like, I need to make money, like I lost both my jobs, Like I was on a talk show too, and I was just like I have nothing and I have a guy who I'm engaged to who in my head it was like why would you want to be with me when I'm a failure? Because whenever I used to win and do well, people loved me more. So this was a really like pivotal moment of like I had to love myself and believe in myself because like no one was going to fix it.

What's the difference between self confidence and self worth? And how did you work on the latter.

What's the difference between self confidence and self worth? And how did you work on the latter.

I think I realized that my power is how I deal with adversity. It's not avoiding adversity, And I think for people who deal with that in relationships, I realize, like when you marry someone, you're dating someone, you're dealing with their life, which is full of ups and downs. So when someone's with you, it's not about being perfect and easy going and cool girl, like that's what I wanted to be, but like, realistically, I just got fired, And you're finding someone who's going to be with you through the highs and lows, and no one's life is perfect and no one's relationship is going to be perfect. Who's going to be in the trenches with you? And like, I found my person to be in the trenches with me.

I think I realized that my power is how I deal with adversity. It's not avoiding adversity, And I think for people who deal with that in relationships, I realize, like when you marry someone, you're dating someone, you're dealing with their life, which is full of ups and downs. So when someone's with you, it's not about being perfect and easy going and cool girl, like that's what I wanted to be, but like, realistically, I just got fired, And you're finding someone who's going to be with you through the highs and lows, and no one's life is perfect and no one's relationship is going to be perfect. Who's going to be in the trenches with you? And like, I found my person to be in the trenches with me.

How did you stop yourself from letting any bitterness or revenge mindset creep in.

How did you stop yourself from letting any bitterness or revenge mindset creep in.

I do want to say, I fully do have a revenge mindset, but my revenge is never to hurt people. They're already hurt. They're hurting you, obviously they're hurt if they tried to hurt you. It's like the classic quote, but like you being mad at them is just like you adding venom to yourself, and they clearly don't give a fuck.

I do want to say, I fully do have a revenge mindset, but my revenge is never to hurt people. They're already hurt. They're hurting you, obviously they're hurt if they tried to hurt you. It's like the classic quote, but like you being mad at them is just like you adding venom to yourself, and they clearly don't give a fuck.

About you because they hurt you.

About you because they hurt you.

I realized that people's hate towards me was because they saw something in me, and I almost took it as a compliment. Honestly, getting fired is there's some star power too, Like there's a and I'm not telling everyone, you know, get fired because you'll find your purpose. But it's like I listened. I wasn't like trying to undo the past. I was like, I can't change what happened. I can only change going forward. And I think great athletes are like that, Like you make a mistake and instead of harping on the mistake, that's not going.

I realized that people's hate towards me was because they saw something in me, and I almost took it as a compliment. Honestly, getting fired is there's some star power too, Like there's a and I'm not telling everyone, you know, get fired because you'll find your purpose. But it's like I listened. I wasn't like trying to undo the past. I was like, I can't change what happened. I can only change going forward. And I think great athletes are like that, Like you make a mistake and instead of harping on the mistake, that's not going.

To help you in this next point. Yeah, and I dealt with.

To help you in this next point. Yeah, and I dealt with.

A lot of depression, a lot of you know, questioning why why Why me. I wasn't just like completely you know, strong out of it. But I do think I have a lot of gratitude now. I even like I went to some like hotel recently and someone was complaining about like how the hotel sucked or whatever or something happened, and I was like, I remember when no one would have even booked me to be able to stay at this hotel to perform absolutely so the lows actually have given me the mindset for success.