Mental health is now talked about more than ever, which is awesome. I mean, I don't have to tell you that it's a primary focus of on Purpose, but on a day to day basis, many people don't know where to turn or which tools can help. Over the past couple of years, I've been working with Calm to make mental wellness accessible and enjoyable, or as I like to say, fun and easy. Calm has all sorts of content to help you reduce anxiety and stress, build mindful habits, improve sleep, and generally feel better in your daily life. So many bite size options from the most knowledgeable experts in the world, along with renowned meditation teachers. You can also check out my seven minute daily series to help you live more mindfully each and every day. Right now, listeners of On Purpose get forty percent off a subscription to Calmpremium at Calm dot com Forward slash j that's Calm dot com Forward slash jay for forty percent off. Calm your Mind, Change your Life.

Mental health is now talked about more than ever, which is awesome. I mean, I don't have to tell you that it's a primary focus of on Purpose, but on a day to day basis, many people don't know where to turn or which tools can help. Over the past couple of years, I've been working with Calm to make mental wellness accessible and enjoyable, or as I like to say, fun and easy. Calm has all sorts of content to help you reduce anxiety and stress, build mindful habits, improve sleep, and generally feel better in your daily life. So many bite size options from the most knowledgeable experts in the world, along with renowned meditation teachers. You can also check out my seven minute daily series to help you live more mindfully each and every day. Right now, listeners of On Purpose get forty percent off a subscription to Calmpremium at Calm dot com Forward slash j that's Calm dot com Forward slash jay for forty percent off. Calm your Mind, Change your Life.

I got shut up maybe thirty forty times in my life. That might be scared of a gun, I might be scared of a bazooka, But men, I've never been afraid of men. I'm afraid of fly, so you know every day I fly. I'm like.

I got shut up maybe thirty forty times in my life. That might be scared of a gun, I might be scared of a bazooka, But men, I've never been afraid of men. I'm afraid of fly, so you know every day I fly. I'm like.

We got a special guest in the building, the icon living Fat Joe.

We got a special guest in the building, the icon living Fat Joe.

Would be had to see where we were going to put the money at. My other brother turned around and told my brother, why are we even talking in front of Joey. He's a half brother, and that devastated me.

Would be had to see where we were going to put the money at. My other brother turned around and told my brother, why are we even talking in front of Joey. He's a half brother, and that devastated me.

Hey everyone, I've got some huge news to share with you. In the last ninety days, seventy nine point four percent of our audience came from viewers and listeners that are not subscribed to this channel. There's research that shows that if you want to create a habit, make it easy to access. By hitting the subscribe button, you're creating a habit of learning how to be happier, healthier, and more healed. This would also mean the absolute world to me and help us make better, brighter content for you in the world. Subscribe right now.

Hey everyone, I've got some huge news to share with you. In the last ninety days, seventy nine point four percent of our audience came from viewers and listeners that are not subscribed to this channel. There's research that shows that if you want to create a habit, make it easy to access. By hitting the subscribe button, you're creating a habit of learning how to be happier, healthier, and more healed. This would also mean the absolute world to me and help us make better, brighter content for you in the world. Subscribe right now.

The number one health and wellness podcast.

The number one health and wellness podcast.

Jay Sheetty Jay Shetty Len shet Hey everyone, welcome back to On the Purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. Today's guest is someone I've been listening to since I was a kid, very very grateful to have on the show, the one the only someone who needs no introduction. Fat Joe, Joe, Welcome to on Purpose. I'm grateful that.

Jay Sheetty Jay Shetty Len shet Hey everyone, welcome back to On the Purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. Today's guest is someone I've been listening to since I was a kid, very very grateful to have on the show, the one the only someone who needs no introduction. Fat Joe, Joe, Welcome to on Purpose. I'm grateful that.

You're here A long time coming out.

You're here A long time coming out.

I know there's been a long term coming. We did a short get together connection.

I know there's been a long term coming. We did a short get together connection.

We always knew we was going to do this sooner or later. But it's honor to be here.

We always knew we was going to do this sooner or later. But it's honor to be here.

No, I'm very grateful to have you here. Honestly, I grew up listening to you. I was listening to you this morning getting ready for the show, just to prepare my mindset.

No, I'm very grateful to have you here. Honestly, I grew up listening to you. I was listening to you this morning getting ready for the show, just to prepare my mindset.

And that's a different Fat Joe, Fat Joe, twenty twenty four. Sometimes I listen to my music, I'm like, yo, I can't even believe, like it was really Yeah, it was a different time.

And that's a different Fat Joe, Fat Joe, twenty twenty four. Sometimes I listen to my music, I'm like, yo, I can't even believe, like it was really Yeah, it was a different time.

What what what's your earliest childhood memory that has defined who you are today?

What what what's your earliest childhood memory that has defined who you are today?

Wow? Just uh, always being charismatic, always being you know, from the class clown to people always loved me. I always told great stories and and so when you're growing up in hip hop, you know, we used to always have this like mean bravado, nobody talked to nobody, everybody right, And so recently I started telling stories in the last couple of years and everybody's like, yo, why it's a great storyteller. But I always was this person. But unfortunately hip hop, what have you put on this facade to where you can't even show people your true personality? So I think that's what I that's what I think coincides is just I've always been this person since I was a kid, and the world's just getting there is getting revealed to the world.

Wow? Just uh, always being charismatic, always being you know, from the class clown to people always loved me. I always told great stories and and so when you're growing up in hip hop, you know, we used to always have this like mean bravado, nobody talked to nobody, everybody right, And so recently I started telling stories in the last couple of years and everybody's like, yo, why it's a great storyteller. But I always was this person. But unfortunately hip hop, what have you put on this facade to where you can't even show people your true personality? So I think that's what I that's what I think coincides is just I've always been this person since I was a kid, and the world's just getting there is getting revealed to the world.

Yeah, why do you think that is? Why did why did you have to hide yourself? What was the reason for me?

Yeah, why do you think that is? Why did why did you have to hide yourself? What was the reason for me?

This hip hop was just really tough. Man. When I grew up, it was you know, we lost Biggie, we lost pot you know, uh, you were punk. If you had security, like you know, they wanted to see you go through it. Unfortunately, there was a big uh stigma and hip hop like if you didn't live it, then we didn't We didn't respect you. And so you had to live this thing out. And the last thing you want to show people is that you're cool, funny dude that gets along with everybody, actually loves everybody. So you you had to keep that tucked away just for your uh, your family and your friends.

This hip hop was just really tough. Man. When I grew up, it was you know, we lost Biggie, we lost pot you know, uh, you were punk. If you had security, like you know, they wanted to see you go through it. Unfortunately, there was a big uh stigma and hip hop like if you didn't live it, then we didn't We didn't respect you. And so you had to live this thing out. And the last thing you want to show people is that you're cool, funny dude that gets along with everybody, actually loves everybody. So you you had to keep that tucked away just for your uh, your family and your friends.

But even when you were younger, you were bullied, right, You went through bullying, and then I believe there were even and.

But even when you were younger, you were bullied, right, You went through bullying, and then I believe there were even and.

I became a bully. So it's it's like, uh, you become a product of the product. And so you know, when I was young, I was getting bullied because you know, I've never been a punk. I've never been you know. So twenty guys confronted me. I fight all twenty of them. They beat, They'll beat the crap out of me. But I always was that.

I became a bully. So it's it's like, uh, you become a product of the product. And so you know, when I was young, I was getting bullied because you know, I've never been a punk. I've never been you know. So twenty guys confronted me. I fight all twenty of them. They beat, They'll beat the crap out of me. But I always was that.

What were they bullying you for? At that time? Man?

What were they bullying you for? At that time? Man?

It was it was just too much. Like So, I grew up in the ninety percent black neighborhood. So the way they explain this to you is the only thing not black about me is my skin color. So my family were there forty years before me. So when they brought me home, it was like that was Joey. And so I grew up at that neighborhood my whole life, and so you know, that's how I grew up. And then I went to my grandmother's neighborhood. It's like ninety nine percent black. But they never seen a Latino like that, looking like the Beatles with blonde hair and green eyes and acting like and saying, you know, just coming like that was a problem, Like they had a real problem with that over there. They were like, yo, we're not going for that over here. But I am who I am. So I've always been me. I've always been true to who I am. So I had a lot of problems, you know. And so you know bullies, you know, when one gets away with it, you know, then then another guy tries it. It's not necessarily that they're tough. It's just to say, oh, they beat them up, Oh we could beat them up, and then you know, you're just the guy they beat up. And I kept telling them I'm not a punk. I kept telling them every time they beat me up. I was like, Yo, I'm not a punk. I'm letting y'all know. Y'all just got the numbers right now, you know. And so I used to get beat up for a lot of things. I used to lie a lot when I was a kid. So I would say stuff like yo, I was with that girl. Her brother would come with five guys and be like, oh you with my sister? Beat me up. So I remember, I had a time I had to look in the mirror when I was teenager and just be like, yo, you lie a lot. Oh you got to stop, like you got to you gotta keep it real because you get beat up because of this. So you know, life journey, it's a journey. This this the journey. Everything leads to the next chapter in life.

It was it was just too much. Like So, I grew up in the ninety percent black neighborhood. So the way they explain this to you is the only thing not black about me is my skin color. So my family were there forty years before me. So when they brought me home, it was like that was Joey. And so I grew up at that neighborhood my whole life, and so you know, that's how I grew up. And then I went to my grandmother's neighborhood. It's like ninety nine percent black. But they never seen a Latino like that, looking like the Beatles with blonde hair and green eyes and acting like and saying, you know, just coming like that was a problem, Like they had a real problem with that over there. They were like, yo, we're not going for that over here. But I am who I am. So I've always been me. I've always been true to who I am. So I had a lot of problems, you know. And so you know bullies, you know, when one gets away with it, you know, then then another guy tries it. It's not necessarily that they're tough. It's just to say, oh, they beat them up, Oh we could beat them up, and then you know, you're just the guy they beat up. And I kept telling them I'm not a punk. I kept telling them every time they beat me up. I was like, Yo, I'm not a punk. I'm letting y'all know. Y'all just got the numbers right now, you know. And so I used to get beat up for a lot of things. I used to lie a lot when I was a kid. So I would say stuff like yo, I was with that girl. Her brother would come with five guys and be like, oh you with my sister? Beat me up. So I remember, I had a time I had to look in the mirror when I was teenager and just be like, yo, you lie a lot. Oh you got to stop, like you got to you gotta keep it real because you get beat up because of this. So you know, life journey, it's a journey. This this the journey. Everything leads to the next chapter in life.

Yeah, it's amazing wherever you grow up, just how much bullying is the norm for kids. Like even where I grew up, I was bullied for the color of my skin because there weren't that many Indian people in the area that I grew up in. And I was bullied for my weight because I was overweight growing up, so I was bullied for that. It's amazing how like kids find a way to make other kids life hell. Even though we heard.

Yeah, it's amazing wherever you grow up, just how much bullying is the norm for kids. Like even where I grew up, I was bullied for the color of my skin because there weren't that many Indian people in the area that I grew up in. And I was bullied for my weight because I was overweight growing up, so I was bullied for that. It's amazing how like kids find a way to make other kids life hell. Even though we heard.

What's crazy is not criticizing the youth of today. But when I see stuff like bullying and they you know, kids kill themselves and because they're getting body shamed or whatever, I just don't understand, Like, do you know what levels of bullying I've been through? And I never once thought of killing myself, never once, you know, I just knew it was something we had to work our way through. And so you know, I don't think there's never a time where you kill yourself. You know, I don't think there's never a time where you just say, yo, I want to kill myself. I don't know how that comes about. And so you know we're bullying. It was. You know, we've been getting bullied in the house, you know, from my father, from my family, from me. You know, we've been dealing with a lot of uh pressure and trauma. And you know, you know your father comes only lost all his money gambling drinking. He's gonna treat you like shit that day, you know what I'm saying. So but we don't know that, and so we had to work through all that. We have to learn all that. So now when I see uh my kids or other people's kids complaining about something, you know, I got beat up by twenty guys every single day for two years straight, so you know, and I never once went home and told my mother I can't do it, you know, so I don't. I don't.

What's crazy is not criticizing the youth of today. But when I see stuff like bullying and they you know, kids kill themselves and because they're getting body shamed or whatever, I just don't understand, Like, do you know what levels of bullying I've been through? And I never once thought of killing myself, never once, you know, I just knew it was something we had to work our way through. And so you know, I don't think there's never a time where you kill yourself. You know, I don't think there's never a time where you just say, yo, I want to kill myself. I don't know how that comes about. And so you know we're bullying. It was. You know, we've been getting bullied in the house, you know, from my father, from my family, from me. You know, we've been dealing with a lot of uh pressure and trauma. And you know, you know your father comes only lost all his money gambling drinking. He's gonna treat you like shit that day, you know what I'm saying. So but we don't know that, and so we had to work through all that. We have to learn all that. So now when I see uh my kids or other people's kids complaining about something, you know, I got beat up by twenty guys every single day for two years straight, so you know, and I never once went home and told my mother I can't do it, you know, so I don't. I don't.

Why do you think that is? Why do you think that you had that tough skin, that resilience.

Why do you think that is? Why do you think that you had that tough skin, that resilience.

Now it was hard, well it was hard, but you but you know something you had to deal with. You know, you have to go to school the next day, you had to go outside the next day. You have to like this where you at. You're in this environment, You're either going to be predator or prey. And so you know, I was always the loving, nice person I am. And then you know, my skin got thick. Then I was like, all right, I'm gonna be the the tough guy. I'm gonna be the bully. I'm gonna show them I'm not gonna care. And then things changed, and thankfully hip hop came and saved my life.

Now it was hard, well it was hard, but you but you know something you had to deal with. You know, you have to go to school the next day, you had to go outside the next day. You have to like this where you at. You're in this environment, You're either going to be predator or prey. And so you know, I was always the loving, nice person I am. And then you know, my skin got thick. Then I was like, all right, I'm gonna be the the tough guy. I'm gonna be the bully. I'm gonna show them I'm not gonna care. And then things changed, and thankfully hip hop came and saved my life.

You said you had to in those early days make some life and death choices.

You said you had to in those early days make some life and death choices.

Now I got shot at maybe thirty forty times in my life, and I know somebody like you or some of my friends, they can't even understand that, no for sure. And so you know, I tell people these stories now and now they think I'm just lying. I just make it up. But the truth is the truth. And so you could imagine I was one of the toughest kids in the neighborhood. I was always into something, and I was very aggressive of getting money. You know, I'm very aggressive of getting money. I was in six states this week alone, So I'm like, you know, I've been like that since I was a kid. So you know, once in any neighborhood. You know, if you hear about dangerous places, it always has to do with money, or with drugs or with you know, and so that's why you say, you say, yo, that place is so safe. Yeah, but you know they killing people? Why the drug game to this? To that? So I've always was aggressive, you know, and once you show people you want money and you want you want bigger things and you're willing to do whatever for, it becomes more dangerous.

Now I got shot at maybe thirty forty times in my life, and I know somebody like you or some of my friends, they can't even understand that, no for sure. And so you know, I tell people these stories now and now they think I'm just lying. I just make it up. But the truth is the truth. And so you could imagine I was one of the toughest kids in the neighborhood. I was always into something, and I was very aggressive of getting money. You know, I'm very aggressive of getting money. I was in six states this week alone, So I'm like, you know, I've been like that since I was a kid. So you know, once in any neighborhood. You know, if you hear about dangerous places, it always has to do with money, or with drugs or with you know, and so that's why you say, you say, yo, that place is so safe. Yeah, but you know they killing people? Why the drug game to this? To that? So I've always was aggressive, you know, and once you show people you want money and you want you want bigger things and you're willing to do whatever for, it becomes more dangerous.

You know, what were you doing for money at that time?

You know, what were you doing for money at that time?

Well? I was hustling, you know, I was. I was really I was no different than the movies. You see, like I was a guy. They were hired to go beat people up. Like that's how I started in the game. And so it'd be like, yo, Joe.

Well? I was hustling, you know, I was. I was really I was no different than the movies. You see, like I was a guy. They were hired to go beat people up. Like that's how I started in the game. And so it'd be like, yo, Joe.

How did they recruit you for something? Like what?

How did they recruit you for something? Like what?

I know that these guys are bad guys and you could pick them up. So you're drug kingpin. You're not necessarily tough like that. But you know, Fat Joey and them, they get busy no matter what. And so you know, you coming, you say, you're Fat Joey. You've got three pair of sneakers for you, you know, a jacket, you know, I need you go beat my competition up. So I would just jump out of van and you know, and just you know, apply to pressure.

I know that these guys are bad guys and you could pick them up. So you're drug kingpin. You're not necessarily tough like that. But you know, Fat Joey and them, they get busy no matter what. And so you know, you coming, you say, you're Fat Joey. You've got three pair of sneakers for you, you know, a jacket, you know, I need you go beat my competition up. So I would just jump out of van and you know, and just you know, apply to pressure.

Were scared.

Were scared.

No, that's one thing God never made me. Was scared of men. Right. I might be scared of a gun, I might be scared of a bazooka, but men, I've never been afraid of men, you know, physically, whether it was one twenty thirty forty or just never been afraid of men, you know, of violence or physical you know. Yet and still I ain't get grabbed by the cartel or some ship like that. You know, that's it. But I've never been afraid of men. You know what I'm saying. I'm afraid of fly. So you know, every day I fly, I'm like, I'm the big I'm grabbing the old lady next to me. You know, I'm the guy I take all three air conditions. When when when I'm flying, I grab all the three and I got it on me and I'm breathing. I'm doing breathing exercises. You know, I'm terrified of flying. And I fly all the time. And I just tell God, I said, God, thank you for letting me face my fear. You know what I mean because I'm able to. You know, I don't think if I flew, I would be uh as successful as I am so and I love going places I love. I would love to go to India, Africa. This this that it just don't like the journey, the plane flight once this is it still still every day every every I fly, maybe every other day, and it could be the beg. I remember one time I get on the flight with Kalid and Calid got this plane, like you know, cald does everything another level, you know, so his private plane that was white, everything, the ceiling, the floors, the coucius, the ladies, the flight attendants. They were so polite. It was there was the best flight you could ever take. We went up, we felt a little. I was like it could have been it could have been American Airlines, it could have been any other plane. I was like, all the white, all the fancy food, everything went out the window. I was like terrified and something I can't get.

No, that's one thing God never made me. Was scared of men. Right. I might be scared of a gun, I might be scared of a bazooka, but men, I've never been afraid of men, you know, physically, whether it was one twenty thirty forty or just never been afraid of men, you know, of violence or physical you know. Yet and still I ain't get grabbed by the cartel or some ship like that. You know, that's it. But I've never been afraid of men. You know what I'm saying. I'm afraid of fly. So you know, every day I fly, I'm like, I'm the big I'm grabbing the old lady next to me. You know, I'm the guy I take all three air conditions. When when when I'm flying, I grab all the three and I got it on me and I'm breathing. I'm doing breathing exercises. You know, I'm terrified of flying. And I fly all the time. And I just tell God, I said, God, thank you for letting me face my fear. You know what I mean because I'm able to. You know, I don't think if I flew, I would be uh as successful as I am so and I love going places I love. I would love to go to India, Africa. This this that it just don't like the journey, the plane flight once this is it still still every day every every I fly, maybe every other day, and it could be the beg. I remember one time I get on the flight with Kalid and Calid got this plane, like you know, cald does everything another level, you know, so his private plane that was white, everything, the ceiling, the floors, the coucius, the ladies, the flight attendants. They were so polite. It was there was the best flight you could ever take. We went up, we felt a little. I was like it could have been it could have been American Airlines, it could have been any other plane. I was like, all the white, all the fancy food, everything went out the window. I was like terrified and something I can't get.

Over with going back to that time that you're they're giving you a jacket, they giving you three pairs of sneakers and go and take care of this. How long does that continue for a man?

Over with going back to that time that you're they're giving you a jacket, they giving you three pairs of sneakers and go and take care of this. How long does that continue for a man?

That continues because I was, uh, we were really tough. I won't say just me, but we're really tough. And but I, like I said, I you know, when I grew up in the Bronx, it looked like bombs exploded in the Bronx. It looked like Ukraine, no exaggeration, look it up, seventies eighties in the Bronx. And so, but I always had a ambition to be successful, to have more on I remember talking to a friend of mine, his name was Louis. We was like twelve years old and I'm looking out that rubble and I'm saying, Yo, I'm not this ain't for me. I gotta get money. I gotta, I gotta. I gotta give me a Mercedes Benz, I gotta give me a DA And he's like, what are you talking about? We've been so poor generational that he couldn't even fathom. You know, nobody in my family was rich like that or nothing like that. So he was like, what are you talking about? We straight this. I was like, nah, I gotta get it, you know. And and so it's almost like a movie that you know, you got these guys that you know, you just come pick up when it's time. And so I would go. And you know, for me, it was by any means necessary to get money, and so I would do whatever, but also knowing I want to be the kingpin, not the guy they come get to beat people up. And so one thing led to another and and you know, we became big boys in the street, you know before a rap. So hip hop saved my life, you know, changed my whole life like a Cinderella movie. Like it was like the minute I got my record deal, I never hustled again. I never dealt with crime, I never went back there. It was like a Cinderella Robin Hood. The minute that I got my deal, I was like, y'all, I don't want nothing to do with this. I walked away from it, started rapping, telling my story through music, and here we are. You know, I just knew when I got into hip hop and I got into the rap game, I said, all right, this is it, this is this, this is the way out. And you know, no difference and any other business. You know, at one time I had the number one record Flow Joe in nineteen ninety three. It was it was the number one record in the country. I was getting five hundred dollars a show. So I was doing three shows at night. Do you know, you know, that wasn't no money, you know what I'm saying. But I had to do what I had to do to get my money, and so you know, so that wasn't even easy. So you now you in the game and you step in and it's almost like half the battle. And I was like, Yo, how do we find the money in this business? Because at that time, it was no money in the business.

That continues because I was, uh, we were really tough. I won't say just me, but we're really tough. And but I, like I said, I you know, when I grew up in the Bronx, it looked like bombs exploded in the Bronx. It looked like Ukraine, no exaggeration, look it up, seventies eighties in the Bronx. And so, but I always had a ambition to be successful, to have more on I remember talking to a friend of mine, his name was Louis. We was like twelve years old and I'm looking out that rubble and I'm saying, Yo, I'm not this ain't for me. I gotta get money. I gotta, I gotta. I gotta give me a Mercedes Benz, I gotta give me a DA And he's like, what are you talking about? We've been so poor generational that he couldn't even fathom. You know, nobody in my family was rich like that or nothing like that. So he was like, what are you talking about? We straight this. I was like, nah, I gotta get it, you know. And and so it's almost like a movie that you know, you got these guys that you know, you just come pick up when it's time. And so I would go. And you know, for me, it was by any means necessary to get money, and so I would do whatever, but also knowing I want to be the kingpin, not the guy they come get to beat people up. And so one thing led to another and and you know, we became big boys in the street, you know before a rap. So hip hop saved my life, you know, changed my whole life like a Cinderella movie. Like it was like the minute I got my record deal, I never hustled again. I never dealt with crime, I never went back there. It was like a Cinderella Robin Hood. The minute that I got my deal, I was like, y'all, I don't want nothing to do with this. I walked away from it, started rapping, telling my story through music, and here we are. You know, I just knew when I got into hip hop and I got into the rap game, I said, all right, this is it, this is this, this is the way out. And you know, no difference and any other business. You know, at one time I had the number one record Flow Joe in nineteen ninety three. It was it was the number one record in the country. I was getting five hundred dollars a show. So I was doing three shows at night. Do you know, you know, that wasn't no money, you know what I'm saying. But I had to do what I had to do to get my money, and so you know, so that wasn't even easy. So you now you in the game and you step in and it's almost like half the battle. And I was like, Yo, how do we find the money in this business? Because at that time, it was no money in the business.

Yeah, yeah, that's I mean, yeah, that's crazy to think that in what thirty years, it's changed so much financially.

Yeah, yeah, that's I mean, yeah, that's crazy to think that in what thirty years, it's changed so much financially.

I think I don't want to say for a fact, but I think LOOKUJ was headlining arenas for like ten thousand a show. Wow, and this is Arenas, this is like Madison Square Garden and all that. So it was like, you know, it was the money wasn't there, So you know, back in the day is the only way to explain it to you. Back in the days, Magic Johnson was the first player to get a million dollars a year. He made the cover of Times magazine, he was in every matter. It was the biggest talk. Now you got the fifteenth guy on the bench making two hundred and forty million. The disparity is crazy. You see a rapper now or reggaetne artists or one of them now put out one hit and they're making four hundred thousand the show for one song, and you're like, Yo, this is craz I done, tore it. Forget a chitlin circuit. I don't went around the whole moon for five hundred dollars, you know, So you know it's a different time.

I think I don't want to say for a fact, but I think LOOKUJ was headlining arenas for like ten thousand a show. Wow, and this is Arenas, this is like Madison Square Garden and all that. So it was like, you know, it was the money wasn't there, So you know, back in the day is the only way to explain it to you. Back in the days, Magic Johnson was the first player to get a million dollars a year. He made the cover of Times magazine, he was in every matter. It was the biggest talk. Now you got the fifteenth guy on the bench making two hundred and forty million. The disparity is crazy. You see a rapper now or reggaetne artists or one of them now put out one hit and they're making four hundred thousand the show for one song, and you're like, Yo, this is craz I done, tore it. Forget a chitlin circuit. I don't went around the whole moon for five hundred dollars, you know, So you know it's a different time.

Hey everyone, it's Jay here. My wife and I have had so much fun creating our own sparkling tea Juni, and I've got big news for you. It's at Target and we love your support. If you can go out grab a Juny, you'll be adding adaptogens and neotropics in your life with mood boosting properties aimed at promoting a balanced and happy mind. Through our commitment to our wellness journey and striving to fuel our bodies with the healthiest ingredients. It's been our purpose to make healthy choices accessible for all, which is why Juni is now on shelves at Target. So head to our store locator at Drinkjuni dot com and find Juni at a Target near you. Yeah, I was going back to your movie analogy I feel like in the movie the streets always trying and come back for the person to try to move away. So when someone goes, I come done with this business. Now I'm going to a shadow. Yeah.

Hey everyone, it's Jay here. My wife and I have had so much fun creating our own sparkling tea Juni, and I've got big news for you. It's at Target and we love your support. If you can go out grab a Juny, you'll be adding adaptogens and neotropics in your life with mood boosting properties aimed at promoting a balanced and happy mind. Through our commitment to our wellness journey and striving to fuel our bodies with the healthiest ingredients. It's been our purpose to make healthy choices accessible for all, which is why Juni is now on shelves at Target. So head to our store locator at Drinkjuni dot com and find Juni at a Target near you. Yeah, I was going back to your movie analogy I feel like in the movie the streets always trying and come back for the person to try to move away. So when someone goes, I come done with this business. Now I'm going to a shadow. Yeah.

And so with my life it was like that too, and I and I and I made a lot of mistakes. You know, I'm more successful now than ever, but that's because I'm much more mature and so, you know, growing up in the ghetto, you have survivors guilt, and so me and my community, you know, took care me. The only reason why I'm still here is because of them. So I had a big obligation to try to bring everybody with me. You know, I got rich young, and I would have fifty guys with me every time. I would literally come to your interview right now with fifty guys, fifty trucks, fifty cars. That means fifty stakes, fifty champagne bottles, fifty hotel rooms, fifty plane tickets. This you know, every day, how do you afford that you don't? And so what happens is, uh, you know, when you when you're young, if you look at the cartoons, they're telling kids a million dollars. That's almost like you could capture a cloud, right, like like a million dollars is like you could take a cloud and put it in a bottle a million dollars, and then when you get a million dollarge, you think it's like this can't run out, but it runs out. And so for me, I remember going broke about three times in my life, like literally broke, being like a number one rapper, number one on the head. Everybody's what, but I'm like, and I'm just doing foolish things and I'm just trying to take the whole neighborhood with me. And I remember that one time I tell this famous story, but I'll tell it to your audience. I remember one time I couldn't sleep, and now I know when I can't sleep, God has given me a message. So that's that's a fact. Like that that that when I I could sleep all the time, right, but when I can't sleep, there's something that I gotta figure out, dissect or whatever God is telling me. Yo, hold up, figure this out, you know, because us, you know, we in the public life, we gotta watch what we say. We gotta do. You know, it's a very you know, I don't get high, I don't use I don't. Everybody, I encourage you to smoke weed. If you want cannabis, you could drink whatever. I don't. And in my life, with everything that's been thrown at me, it's almost like the matrix. If I got high, i'd have been out of here a long time ago. Did it? No Wow. So the way this thing comes to me is like, you know, he throw so much things at you, whether it's family, whether it's business, whether it's this, whether it's that, it's this. To be successful in twenty twenty four is like the matrix. You know you're doing this. It's like who dodged that one? What about this one? What about that? Magine I'm high, I'm over here like this doped up? I'm done right? And so that was back in the early days. The reason why I never got high was because I had so much violence and beef whatever guys that you know, I just I knew they were gonna kill me or some like if I was standing on the corner hin smoked out or something. I was done. And the thing is, nobody has a PhD or masters in hip hop music. It's actually whose crew is toughest. So every rapper you meet, they'll come up and be like, Yo, Hi, let's just say I'm fabulous yo. This my man just came on for twenty years. He did three murder this this to' oh how you doing yo? This is Jada kiss yo? What's up? Jadakiss yo? This is my man Johnny the button just came on for twenty five years for killing five people. This thing, I mean, that's what it is. And so I don't get we gotta do it with Drake. We could do it with all of them, right, and so you don't need a PhD on Masters to get a hip hop. So I'm leaving the streets trying to come in here to change my life. And then when I come in here to change my life, I realize the streets come back, the shadows, you know, And then everybody want to know, are you really tough? Are you really that guy? Fat Joe? Do you talk loud? Do you just like prove to us that you really get busy? And so the streets is always with you, you know. Now it's more like you know, now we totally you know, talk to my secure to argue with my security. He's an ex cop, deal with him. Oh, I don't even I don't even stuff doesn't even bother me no more. So you got to get to that place spiritually. You got to get to that place where you feel like, you know what your job is in life, you know what you're trying to do. You want to live righteous, you want to help the people, you want to help your family. But all that outside noise doesn't even bother me no more. You know. I've had some of my friends that I have for years go on youtubes and blogs and talk bad about me and this and this. I'd be like, oh, him too, Like it's like it just it just rubs off me. Now it's not doesn't even affect me.

And so with my life it was like that too, and I and I and I made a lot of mistakes. You know, I'm more successful now than ever, but that's because I'm much more mature and so, you know, growing up in the ghetto, you have survivors guilt, and so me and my community, you know, took care me. The only reason why I'm still here is because of them. So I had a big obligation to try to bring everybody with me. You know, I got rich young, and I would have fifty guys with me every time. I would literally come to your interview right now with fifty guys, fifty trucks, fifty cars. That means fifty stakes, fifty champagne bottles, fifty hotel rooms, fifty plane tickets. This you know, every day, how do you afford that you don't? And so what happens is, uh, you know, when you when you're young, if you look at the cartoons, they're telling kids a million dollars. That's almost like you could capture a cloud, right, like like a million dollars is like you could take a cloud and put it in a bottle a million dollars, and then when you get a million dollarge, you think it's like this can't run out, but it runs out. And so for me, I remember going broke about three times in my life, like literally broke, being like a number one rapper, number one on the head. Everybody's what, but I'm like, and I'm just doing foolish things and I'm just trying to take the whole neighborhood with me. And I remember that one time I tell this famous story, but I'll tell it to your audience. I remember one time I couldn't sleep, and now I know when I can't sleep, God has given me a message. So that's that's a fact. Like that that that when I I could sleep all the time, right, but when I can't sleep, there's something that I gotta figure out, dissect or whatever God is telling me. Yo, hold up, figure this out, you know, because us, you know, we in the public life, we gotta watch what we say. We gotta do. You know, it's a very you know, I don't get high, I don't use I don't. Everybody, I encourage you to smoke weed. If you want cannabis, you could drink whatever. I don't. And in my life, with everything that's been thrown at me, it's almost like the matrix. If I got high, i'd have been out of here a long time ago. Did it? No Wow. So the way this thing comes to me is like, you know, he throw so much things at you, whether it's family, whether it's business, whether it's this, whether it's that, it's this. To be successful in twenty twenty four is like the matrix. You know you're doing this. It's like who dodged that one? What about this one? What about that? Magine I'm high, I'm over here like this doped up? I'm done right? And so that was back in the early days. The reason why I never got high was because I had so much violence and beef whatever guys that you know, I just I knew they were gonna kill me or some like if I was standing on the corner hin smoked out or something. I was done. And the thing is, nobody has a PhD or masters in hip hop music. It's actually whose crew is toughest. So every rapper you meet, they'll come up and be like, Yo, Hi, let's just say I'm fabulous yo. This my man just came on for twenty years. He did three murder this this to' oh how you doing yo? This is Jada kiss yo? What's up? Jadakiss yo? This is my man Johnny the button just came on for twenty five years for killing five people. This thing, I mean, that's what it is. And so I don't get we gotta do it with Drake. We could do it with all of them, right, and so you don't need a PhD on Masters to get a hip hop. So I'm leaving the streets trying to come in here to change my life. And then when I come in here to change my life, I realize the streets come back, the shadows, you know, And then everybody want to know, are you really tough? Are you really that guy? Fat Joe? Do you talk loud? Do you just like prove to us that you really get busy? And so the streets is always with you, you know. Now it's more like you know, now we totally you know, talk to my secure to argue with my security. He's an ex cop, deal with him. Oh, I don't even I don't even stuff doesn't even bother me no more. So you got to get to that place spiritually. You got to get to that place where you feel like, you know what your job is in life, you know what you're trying to do. You want to live righteous, you want to help the people, you want to help your family. But all that outside noise doesn't even bother me no more. You know. I've had some of my friends that I have for years go on youtubes and blogs and talk bad about me and this and this. I'd be like, oh, him too, Like it's like it just it just rubs off me. Now it's not doesn't even affect me.

Yeah, when you were younger, one of the things that did affect you, I believe was your oh, brother, you're realizing that you weren't biologically family.

Yeah, when you were younger, one of the things that did affect you, I believe was your oh, brother, you're realizing that you weren't biologically family.

No, it wasn't my problem. It was like we grew up together. So I have two brothers and the sister, and I grew up my father came from Cuba, and my father got with my my mom's after she had a husband and had three kids. So I'm the last kid. But he raised my brothers and sisters, and we were raised as brothers and sisters to this day. Brother, not half. We never heard the word half. We had a brother. So me and my brother, we were, you know, partners in the streets, right, So you know, me and my brother and you. And then my other brother, Raymond, was supposed to be a lawyer or whatever the case may be. He was going to school for that. And then when we was hustling, we had a choice to make right. And so the choice to make was that we had made all this money, we still lived in the projects, Like, we had tons of money in the closet right in the in afforded affordable housing projects. So we had to see where we were going to put the money at. Wasn't that small? An't we was sophisticated. We didn't know about buying businesses. We didn't have accountants, We ain't have nothing. The most we had was cars and jury and and so my one brother said, y'all leave the money with me. And I said, and I ain't think nothing of he's my brother. I told my brother Andre, I said, why don't we leave half the money with him? And you go to Orlando to my aunt who's like ninety years old. She wouldn't even know she had millions of dollars in her attic right, and I said, split it up. You know, you don't want all your eggs not saying it this. And so my brother, my other brother, turned around and told my brother, why are we even talking in front of Joey? He's our half brother. And that devastated me that the tears just can't. I never heard that before. So my brother Andrew argue with him, was like, you're crazy. Joey's my brother. You know. The irony to that story is that day, it was Thanksgiving the whole family. You know, we never had much or whatever, but we always have was love and family to this day. So I got in the car. I had a Mustang five point on at that time, I went to h it'send the book Jose. I went to a place in the bronx Court City Island to it. It's one way in, one way out, and so I was just driving like one hundred miles per hour, and I was I just felt like I was going to run into a wall or something. And then at the last minute, you know, I spun out. I was actually thinking the killing myself. I spun out, you know, except that then I went and ate me a nice steak. You ever ate at the Seville Rich there was a Oh my god, they had the best steaks with the fast onions. Now I had the best meal that night, right old school joint man. And so eventually I wrote it in the book, but didn't really actually say it that my brother the FEDS came and locked everybody up, like forty of us, not me. I was rapping the ready. Thank god, rap saved my life. But when they did that, my brother was on the runner. He was calling my other brother, YO, send me money. He was in like Dominican Republican and my brother went and respond. So my brother flies back and the brother who called me to have brother spent the millions of dollars we didn't know. So he came and said, Yo, what's up. I'm on the run. I need the money. And he's like, yo, I spent the money. We like you spent the money millions of dollars. Like you spent the money. And it wasn't like lavish. You ain't see no Lamborghinea out there or nothing like. It's like how you spent the money. And so the concept of us growing up was always if my brother had it, I had it. So my brother was the boss. I made some dollars, but he made the real money. But I knew if my brother had it, I had it. It's the same concept we have with terror Squad today. If Joe got it, you got it. You can't take advantage of it. Well, he'll help you at any given time. You know, if I got it, you got it. And so my brother stole the money. I never talked to him for twenty five thirty years. I never talked to him again because my brother not only did he steal the money, my other brother, ain't you started using drugs because he went from being rich to being broke. And I used to tell them all the time, your age, I'm rapping, I'm gonna take care of us. Don't worry. I got us. But he just fell in deep depression and started using drugs and using drugs. And you know, to this day, my brother he'll be looking around the room and he was like, I used to have money. I used to have it. You know, these people kill themselves in Wall Street. They jump off the roof, they jump off of bridges, they hang themselves when they lose all their money. When you used to that type of money, millions of dollars, you know, your own brother, your own blood steals that from you. So he had a lot to deal with and I kept putting them in drug programs. I kept begging them like, June, come on, I'm good, Like, come on, you know, we're gonna be good. But he couldn't get over that. Even to this day. But he's not using drugs no more, thank God. But you know, if I had him, you know, mind sound. You know, he's smarter than me. So if I had him with me through my whole career, through my whole you know, we would have been better off than we are now, you know, because he was really the leader, he was really the smart one and so but he couldn't snap himself out of that.

No, it wasn't my problem. It was like we grew up together. So I have two brothers and the sister, and I grew up my father came from Cuba, and my father got with my my mom's after she had a husband and had three kids. So I'm the last kid. But he raised my brothers and sisters, and we were raised as brothers and sisters to this day. Brother, not half. We never heard the word half. We had a brother. So me and my brother, we were, you know, partners in the streets, right, So you know, me and my brother and you. And then my other brother, Raymond, was supposed to be a lawyer or whatever the case may be. He was going to school for that. And then when we was hustling, we had a choice to make right. And so the choice to make was that we had made all this money, we still lived in the projects, Like, we had tons of money in the closet right in the in afforded affordable housing projects. So we had to see where we were going to put the money at. Wasn't that small? An't we was sophisticated. We didn't know about buying businesses. We didn't have accountants, We ain't have nothing. The most we had was cars and jury and and so my one brother said, y'all leave the money with me. And I said, and I ain't think nothing of he's my brother. I told my brother Andre, I said, why don't we leave half the money with him? And you go to Orlando to my aunt who's like ninety years old. She wouldn't even know she had millions of dollars in her attic right, and I said, split it up. You know, you don't want all your eggs not saying it this. And so my brother, my other brother, turned around and told my brother, why are we even talking in front of Joey? He's our half brother. And that devastated me that the tears just can't. I never heard that before. So my brother Andrew argue with him, was like, you're crazy. Joey's my brother. You know. The irony to that story is that day, it was Thanksgiving the whole family. You know, we never had much or whatever, but we always have was love and family to this day. So I got in the car. I had a Mustang five point on at that time, I went to h it'send the book Jose. I went to a place in the bronx Court City Island to it. It's one way in, one way out, and so I was just driving like one hundred miles per hour, and I was I just felt like I was going to run into a wall or something. And then at the last minute, you know, I spun out. I was actually thinking the killing myself. I spun out, you know, except that then I went and ate me a nice steak. You ever ate at the Seville Rich there was a Oh my god, they had the best steaks with the fast onions. Now I had the best meal that night, right old school joint man. And so eventually I wrote it in the book, but didn't really actually say it that my brother the FEDS came and locked everybody up, like forty of us, not me. I was rapping the ready. Thank god, rap saved my life. But when they did that, my brother was on the runner. He was calling my other brother, YO, send me money. He was in like Dominican Republican and my brother went and respond. So my brother flies back and the brother who called me to have brother spent the millions of dollars we didn't know. So he came and said, Yo, what's up. I'm on the run. I need the money. And he's like, yo, I spent the money. We like you spent the money millions of dollars. Like you spent the money. And it wasn't like lavish. You ain't see no Lamborghinea out there or nothing like. It's like how you spent the money. And so the concept of us growing up was always if my brother had it, I had it. So my brother was the boss. I made some dollars, but he made the real money. But I knew if my brother had it, I had it. It's the same concept we have with terror Squad today. If Joe got it, you got it. You can't take advantage of it. Well, he'll help you at any given time. You know, if I got it, you got it. And so my brother stole the money. I never talked to him for twenty five thirty years. I never talked to him again because my brother not only did he steal the money, my other brother, ain't you started using drugs because he went from being rich to being broke. And I used to tell them all the time, your age, I'm rapping, I'm gonna take care of us. Don't worry. I got us. But he just fell in deep depression and started using drugs and using drugs. And you know, to this day, my brother he'll be looking around the room and he was like, I used to have money. I used to have it. You know, these people kill themselves in Wall Street. They jump off the roof, they jump off of bridges, they hang themselves when they lose all their money. When you used to that type of money, millions of dollars, you know, your own brother, your own blood steals that from you. So he had a lot to deal with and I kept putting them in drug programs. I kept begging them like, June, come on, I'm good, Like, come on, you know, we're gonna be good. But he couldn't get over that. Even to this day. But he's not using drugs no more, thank God. But you know, if I had him, you know, mind sound. You know, he's smarter than me. So if I had him with me through my whole career, through my whole you know, we would have been better off than we are now, you know, because he was really the leader, he was really the smart one and so but he couldn't snap himself out of that.

Yeah, how hard is that watching someone you love, someone that you try, someone that you know could have been this and had this potential, and then not seeing them be there with you through it? Well, how do you deal with that?

Yeah, how hard is that watching someone you love, someone that you try, someone that you know could have been this and had this potential, and then not seeing them be there with you through it? Well, how do you deal with that?

Well, you know, my best friend on earth is in jail. He's doing forty eight years and he's been in jail for thirty three years. And I often think about, like tonight, I'm gonna nick game. I know for a fact they're gonna put me on TV. God bless him on court side, sitting next to Spike Lee High five and Spike Lee. My brother got to see that in jail and the Feds. But how do you think he feel that he's in jail my best friend, and he knows that if he comes out, Fat Joe got him. He's right here with Jay Shetty. He's driving the best car, he's living the best life. That's what you call suffering when you can't do nothing for it. And the same thing with my brother. You know what, you know, my brother had a chance, you know. And so what I can tell you is that drugs is an illness. It's highly addictive. That's why I never tried it, because I might like it, And so that's why I've always stayed away from drugs. I looked at my brother and said, damn man, he's smarter than me. He could have been way more than me. And you know he couldn't shake the drugs. I don't even want to try that. You know I had. I'll tell you a story for your audience. I had a girl I used to chase for maybe ten years. I used to chase this girl, Hey, what's up yo, yo? Beautiful girl? Right? And one day. She said, tonight's your night and I said, oh, wow, really I'm going to get it. Like you know y'all've been after even Yes, yes, but you know, Joe, I know you don't use drugs, but tonight, to make it special, we're gonna take these pills together. And I said, huh. She was like, we're gonna take this choir. I said, I'm not taking them pills. She was like, no, but this is gonna be amazing. This is that you don't understand sex with these pills, I said. And I was after this girl, and I was like, you ain't getting me to take the pills. And so nothing happened. Nothing happened.

Well, you know, my best friend on earth is in jail. He's doing forty eight years and he's been in jail for thirty three years. And I often think about, like tonight, I'm gonna nick game. I know for a fact they're gonna put me on TV. God bless him on court side, sitting next to Spike Lee High five and Spike Lee. My brother got to see that in jail and the Feds. But how do you think he feel that he's in jail my best friend, and he knows that if he comes out, Fat Joe got him. He's right here with Jay Shetty. He's driving the best car, he's living the best life. That's what you call suffering when you can't do nothing for it. And the same thing with my brother. You know what, you know, my brother had a chance, you know. And so what I can tell you is that drugs is an illness. It's highly addictive. That's why I never tried it, because I might like it, And so that's why I've always stayed away from drugs. I looked at my brother and said, damn man, he's smarter than me. He could have been way more than me. And you know he couldn't shake the drugs. I don't even want to try that. You know I had. I'll tell you a story for your audience. I had a girl I used to chase for maybe ten years. I used to chase this girl, Hey, what's up yo, yo? Beautiful girl? Right? And one day. She said, tonight's your night and I said, oh, wow, really I'm going to get it. Like you know y'all've been after even Yes, yes, but you know, Joe, I know you don't use drugs, but tonight, to make it special, we're gonna take these pills together. And I said, huh. She was like, we're gonna take this choir. I said, I'm not taking them pills. She was like, no, but this is gonna be amazing. This is that you don't understand sex with these pills, I said. And I was after this girl, and I was like, you ain't getting me to take the pills. And so nothing happened. Nothing happened.

Brother, she must have felt that rejection.

Brother, she must have felt that rejection.

I don't care about rejection. It's just I know, you know too many stories.

I don't care about rejection. It's just I know, you know too many stories.

You know.

You know.

Uh, good friend of mine not to put his business out there, but he talks about it. Scott Storch one of the most talented people in the world. Like I owe him a lot of my career to Scott Storch. But he tried at one time and that was it. Wow, he tried. He was with two girls, real famous girls. If you know the real story. The best, the best movie ever made that hasn't been made as the Scott's short story. If he lays the goods out is, you know, we need Leonardo DiCaprio to play him like this, this is gonna be one. But you know, he had two famous girls and they were like, yo, you want to be with us, you got to sniff this cocaine off of you know, And he did it. He said that. He literally told me the minute he sniffed it, he was like euphoria, like this is the game, you know, this whole life up messing with that. Now he's doing better, but uh, you know he ran through like ninety million dollars getting high.

Uh, good friend of mine not to put his business out there, but he talks about it. Scott Storch one of the most talented people in the world. Like I owe him a lot of my career to Scott Storch. But he tried at one time and that was it. Wow, he tried. He was with two girls, real famous girls. If you know the real story. The best, the best movie ever made that hasn't been made as the Scott's short story. If he lays the goods out is, you know, we need Leonardo DiCaprio to play him like this, this is gonna be one. But you know, he had two famous girls and they were like, yo, you want to be with us, you got to sniff this cocaine off of you know, And he did it. He said that. He literally told me the minute he sniffed it, he was like euphoria, like this is the game, you know, this whole life up messing with that. Now he's doing better, but uh, you know he ran through like ninety million dollars getting high.

You know, well, yeah, because he was the guy then. I remember he was producing for everyone.

You know, well, yeah, because he was the guy then. I remember he was producing for everyone.

Yeah, like eighty five percent and number one songs of one year, Yeah, Beyonce, fat Yo fifty, he was Sean Paul, This everything was him, yeah remember, and so, uh, you know he took a hard fall. You know, I love Scott Man. I wouldn't be where I'm at if it wasn't for Scott.

Yeah, like eighty five percent and number one songs of one year, Yeah, Beyonce, fat Yo fifty, he was Sean Paul, This everything was him, yeah remember, and so, uh, you know he took a hard fall. You know, I love Scott Man. I wouldn't be where I'm at if it wasn't for Scott.

Yeah, no, it's and and that's the hard part, right.

Yeah, no, it's and and that's the hard part, right.

That's right with him. I try to get jokes. Oh yeah, I'm you know in many places. I'm considered the fun killer, you know, because I were coming they can't get high. Scott Storch, I'll tell you he used to sniff kilos of cocaine, but around me, he never sniffed cocain his life. He had that level of respect. So I would go to his I would go there every day and just sit there like a thrown on his side, you know, for months, and just be like, you know, making sure he don't get high. They said the minute I walked out the door, and they were like, bring it out right. They hated me in the place, but you know, I tried.

That's right with him. I try to get jokes. Oh yeah, I'm you know in many places. I'm considered the fun killer, you know, because I were coming they can't get high. Scott Storch, I'll tell you he used to sniff kilos of cocaine, but around me, he never sniffed cocain his life. He had that level of respect. So I would go to his I would go there every day and just sit there like a thrown on his side, you know, for months, and just be like, you know, making sure he don't get high. They said the minute I walked out the door, and they were like, bring it out right. They hated me in the place, but you know, I tried.

You know well, I mean we're talking about losing people while they're still alive, and that is a real loss. And then you've lost people who have actually lost their life, who are no longer here. You've lost three, I mean, I'm sure you've lost more than this, but three very significant people in your life. Can you tell us what was significant about the loss of each, because I feel like they're different, diferent types of losses, but they're all in the same year.

You know well, I mean we're talking about losing people while they're still alive, and that is a real loss. And then you've lost people who have actually lost their life, who are no longer here. You've lost three, I mean, I'm sure you've lost more than this, but three very significant people in your life. Can you tell us what was significant about the loss of each, because I feel like they're different, diferent types of losses, but they're all in the same year.

First of all, the same like week, like yeah, two three weeks apart. Everything. I start with my sister. My sister was like my best friend. She was supposed to be the one to be there for me. You know, we love our wives and we want them to always be there. But one person I do know, you know, O. J. Simpson died, you know recently, and they said the only people who used to go see them every day was his sisters. You know, that's the you know, when the whole world turns off the lights on you, your sisters would be there for you. So I lost to I lost my sister. She was giving childbirth and so they gave an epidoro instead of numbing up from the waist down and number from the waist up. Lack of oxygen to the brain. So she was in a coma for eight months, and that was killing me to see my mother and father every day there and he was there, and that's horrible. I wish nobody gets to see someone they loved like that. And when I got the call she died, it was almost a relief. And I don't want to say I'm happy my sister died, because that's not true. But she was suffering too much. And so my sister passes away, right, So that's the number one. Right. I used to think this guy was the number one because I love him so much. But really, over the years, really analyzing it, my sister really knocked me out the box right, just to not have her in this world. Then one of my best friends, you know, my artists, when you know, one of the most loyal guys is Big Pun. You know, we made history together and together, you know, being Latino in this music business, you know that we stood for so much, you know, and even though I was on before him and I was on my way to success, I took the back road for him because I knew he was so much more talented and I knew we need a guy like that. Years later, now thirty twenty years later, we still hear his music and feel that pride. I knew that at the time, and so he passed away young around the same time as my sister, maybe a week two weeks apart. Now I'm young, I'm twenty seven, twenty eight, acting like I know about the world, but I'm still really really young, and so you know how scared it is to lose a best friend, franchise player. You know, here you went from being this broke kid living in this danger zone into you know, being successful, being rich, and now the guy you did it with his dad at twenty seven, twenty eight years old. And then my grandfather, you know, and I analyzing my family treat I'm more like my grandfather than anybody, you know. I used to call him Cowboy. He had a lot of respect in the hood. So my grandfather died, so all that together just through it was like a perfect storm, you know. And I never dealt with so much death like that, And so, you know, I was really in a dark place. I'm not talking about a regular dark place, you know, sleeping in the bathtub with no water running. If I looked outside and there was sunny, it looked dark. You know, if someone shoots you. I tell people all the time, you in a gang. Tell you in a gang in Chicago and they're trying to kill you. You do know, you can move to Alabama and no one will know you. You couldn't move to la You could move to New York. You could move anywhere and they won't know you. The problem with depression is it comes with you wherever you go. So at the time I'm in depression, I'm going to Miami, I'm going to Islands. I'm going to try to erase it. But I can't. It's with me everywhere I go. And now, you know, when people say let them mourn, that means like give them time, let them get their things together, their bearings together. But when your best friend who just died is the biggest rap star in the world, people think they're doing a good thing, a good deed. So they bring you your food. Yoh, sorry about your brother, big pun man, Yo, that was my man once again. It's back. Yeah. And then I'm in the car. I'm in a car waiting at the light. The next door, y'all pun he was the man they started blasting. So it was so hard, right, and I considered it myself to be a bright person. And so it's the only way to put it is like the mind is like a super complex Rubik's Q, and you just gotta And so I never thought of I'm gonna kill myself this. I just was like, Joe, you gotta get out of this. You gotta get out of this. It's like a funk and you wake up and it's a new day. Instead of just saying it's a new day, you know, you go back to oh, you know this, and then it's so I went to therapy is.

First of all, the same like week, like yeah, two three weeks apart. Everything. I start with my sister. My sister was like my best friend. She was supposed to be the one to be there for me. You know, we love our wives and we want them to always be there. But one person I do know, you know, O. J. Simpson died, you know recently, and they said the only people who used to go see them every day was his sisters. You know, that's the you know, when the whole world turns off the lights on you, your sisters would be there for you. So I lost to I lost my sister. She was giving childbirth and so they gave an epidoro instead of numbing up from the waist down and number from the waist up. Lack of oxygen to the brain. So she was in a coma for eight months, and that was killing me to see my mother and father every day there and he was there, and that's horrible. I wish nobody gets to see someone they loved like that. And when I got the call she died, it was almost a relief. And I don't want to say I'm happy my sister died, because that's not true. But she was suffering too much. And so my sister passes away, right, So that's the number one. Right. I used to think this guy was the number one because I love him so much. But really, over the years, really analyzing it, my sister really knocked me out the box right, just to not have her in this world. Then one of my best friends, you know, my artists, when you know, one of the most loyal guys is Big Pun. You know, we made history together and together, you know, being Latino in this music business, you know that we stood for so much, you know, and even though I was on before him and I was on my way to success, I took the back road for him because I knew he was so much more talented and I knew we need a guy like that. Years later, now thirty twenty years later, we still hear his music and feel that pride. I knew that at the time, and so he passed away young around the same time as my sister, maybe a week two weeks apart. Now I'm young, I'm twenty seven, twenty eight, acting like I know about the world, but I'm still really really young, and so you know how scared it is to lose a best friend, franchise player. You know, here you went from being this broke kid living in this danger zone into you know, being successful, being rich, and now the guy you did it with his dad at twenty seven, twenty eight years old. And then my grandfather, you know, and I analyzing my family treat I'm more like my grandfather than anybody, you know. I used to call him Cowboy. He had a lot of respect in the hood. So my grandfather died, so all that together just through it was like a perfect storm, you know. And I never dealt with so much death like that, And so, you know, I was really in a dark place. I'm not talking about a regular dark place, you know, sleeping in the bathtub with no water running. If I looked outside and there was sunny, it looked dark. You know, if someone shoots you. I tell people all the time, you in a gang. Tell you in a gang in Chicago and they're trying to kill you. You do know, you can move to Alabama and no one will know you. You couldn't move to la You could move to New York. You could move anywhere and they won't know you. The problem with depression is it comes with you wherever you go. So at the time I'm in depression, I'm going to Miami, I'm going to Islands. I'm going to try to erase it. But I can't. It's with me everywhere I go. And now, you know, when people say let them mourn, that means like give them time, let them get their things together, their bearings together. But when your best friend who just died is the biggest rap star in the world, people think they're doing a good thing, a good deed. So they bring you your food. Yoh, sorry about your brother, big pun man, Yo, that was my man once again. It's back. Yeah. And then I'm in the car. I'm in a car waiting at the light. The next door, y'all pun he was the man they started blasting. So it was so hard, right, and I considered it myself to be a bright person. And so it's the only way to put it is like the mind is like a super complex Rubik's Q, and you just gotta And so I never thought of I'm gonna kill myself this. I just was like, Joe, you gotta get out of this. You gotta get out of this. It's like a funk and you wake up and it's a new day. Instead of just saying it's a new day, you know, you go back to oh, you know this, and then it's so I went to therapy is.

That the first time you started going to say that's.

That the first time you started going to say that's.

The only time I went to therapy. But I went to therapy for like two years. I didn't tell nobody, and this lady, this woman really really helped me out. And her strategy, I guess therapists are all different. Her strategy is you figure it out for you, like you'll tell me about you, and then you just go there all the time and you tell her about you, and then you figure it out. You'll figure out what happened. And the one thing that happened to me was, Uh, we would do this muror in the South Bronx for Big Punt. So you know, I started out a graffiti artist and shout out the tax crew. So every year they were doing new they would change the mural for punt rest in peace punt. So I'm out there, it's two years has gone by. Two dudes walk by. I always say, I owe these guys so much money. And one dude was like, yo, what they doing. He wasn't from the neighborhood. He was like, oh, that's a big pun boy. They changed it every year, he said, they change it every year. It's been that long. He was like, yeah, it's been two years, and I swear to God in my brain all I heard was two years, two years, two years, two years, two years, two years. And then something in my mind told myself, like your joke, you've been beating yourself up for two years. You got to snap out of it. That same night, boom, I was back to the way I am. Now.