In this special live conversation at the Orpheum Theatre in Vancouver, Canada, Jay sits down with renowned physician and trauma expert Dr. Gabor Maté for a deeply moving exploration of identity, healing, and the hidden patterns that shape our lives. Gabor explains that our obsession with how others perceive us often begins in childhood, when our fundamental need to be seen and understood isn’t fully met. In response, many people unconsciously adapt, hiding parts of themselves or becoming who they think others want them to be in order to feel accepted and loved.

In this episode you'll Learn:

How to Stop Living for Others’ Approval

How to Break Generational Trauma Patterns

How to Know If You’re Living Your True Life

How to Stop Tying Your Worth to Productivity

How to Recognize When Stress Is Hurting You

How to Listen to Your Inner Voice Again

How to Start Saying “No” Without Feeling Guilty

How to Practice Self-Compassion Instead of Self-Criticism

How to Turn Your Past Coping Patterns Into Healing

How to Ask the Question That Changes Your Life

Real change doesn’t come from forcing yourself to be perfect or trying to fix everything overnight. It begins with small moments of awareness, pausing long enough to listen to that quiet inner voice, asking honest questions about what feels true for you, and giving yourself permission to honor it. 

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

JAY’S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX

Join 900,000+ readers discovering how small daily shifts create big life change with my free newsletter. Subscribe here: https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe 

Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast 

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

00:41 Why Do We Care So Much About Others’ Opinions?

03:10 Learning to Love People the Way They Need

04:53 How Childhood Shapes Our Need for Approval

06:46 The Dangerous Belief: “I’m Only Valuable If…”

11:02 Why Do We Feel Guilty When We Rest?

12:37 What Stress Is Really Doing to Your Brain and Body

16:19 Saying “No” Is Essential for Your Wellbeing 

21:05 The Power of Asking Yourself Honest Questions

23:44 How to Listen to Your Gut Again

29:52 A Live Compassionate Inquiry Session

33:23 Your Healing Is Helping Your Children

35:08 Trusting the Wisdom Already Inside You

36:53 Your Coping Mechanisms Aren’t Failures

40:11 Turning Past Mistakes Into Lessons

41:45 Balancing Self-Improvement and Self-Acceptance

47:54 The Question That Can Change Your Life

Episode Resources:

Website | https://drgabormate.com/ 

YouTube | https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsRF06lSFA8zV9L8_x9jzIA 

Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/drgabormate 

Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/gabormatemd/ 

X | https://x.com/drgabormate

In this special live conversation at the Orpheum Theatre in Vancouver, Canada, Jay sits down with renowned physician and trauma expert Dr. Gabor Mat&eacute; for a deeply moving exploration of identity, healing, and the hidden patterns that shape our lives. Gabor explains that our obsession with how others perceive us often begins in childhood, when our fundamental need to be seen and understood isn&rsquo;t fully met. In response, many people unconsciously adapt, hiding parts of themselves or becoming who they think others want them to be in order to feel accepted and loved.
In this episode you'll Learn:
How to Stop Living for Others&rsquo; Approval
How to Break Generational Trauma Patterns
How to Know If You&rsquo;re Living Your True Life
How to Stop Tying Your Worth to Productivity
How to Recognize When Stress Is Hurting You
How to Listen to Your Inner Voice Again
How to Start Saying &ldquo;No&rdquo; Without Feeling Guilty
How to Practice Self-Compassion Instead of Self-Criticism
How to Turn Your Past Coping Patterns Into Healing
How to Ask the Question That Changes Your Life
Real change doesn&rsquo;t come from forcing yourself to be perfect or trying to fix everything overnight. It begins with small moments of awareness, pausing long enough to listen to that quiet inner voice, asking honest questions about what feels true for you, and giving yourself permission to honor it.&nbsp;
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
JAY&rsquo;S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX
Join 900,000+ readers discovering how small daily shifts create big life change with my free newsletter. Subscribe here: <a href="https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe">https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe</a> &nbsp;
Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! <a href="https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast">https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast</a>&nbsp;
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
00:41 Why Do We Care So Much About Others&rsquo; Opinions?
03:10 Learning to Love People the Way They Need
04:53 How Childhood Shapes Our Need for Approval
06:46 The Dangerous Belief: &ldquo;I&rsquo;m Only Valuable If&hellip;&rdquo;
11:02 Why Do We Feel Guilty When We Rest?
12:37 What Stress Is Really Doing to Your Brain and Body
16:19 Saying &ldquo;No&rdquo; Is Essential for Your Wellbeing&nbsp;
21:05 The Power of Asking Yourself Honest Questions
23:44 How to Listen to Your Gut Again
29:52 A Live Compassionate Inquiry Session
33:23 Your Healing Is Helping Your Children
35:08 Trusting the Wisdom Already Inside You
36:53 Your Coping Mechanisms Aren&rsquo;t Failures
40:11 Turning Past Mistakes Into Lessons
41:45 Balancing Self-Improvement and Self-Acceptance
47:54 The Question That Can Change Your Life
Episode Resources:
Website | <a href="https://drgabormate.com/">https://drgabormate.com/</a>&nbsp;
YouTube | <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsRF06lSFA8zV9L8_x9jzIA">https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsRF06lSFA8zV9L8_x9jzIA</a>&nbsp;
Facebook | <a href="https://www.facebook.com/drgabormate">https://www.facebook.com/drgabormate</a>&nbsp;
Instagram | <a href="https://www.instagram.com/gabormatemd/">https://www.instagram.com/gabormatemd/</a>&nbsp;
X | <a href="https://x.com/drgabormate">https://x.com/drgabormate</a>

I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace.

I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!

I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace.
I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

My name is Jay Shetty, and my purpose is to make wisdom go viral. I’m fortunate to have fascinating conversations with the most insightful people in the world, and on my podcast, I’m sharing those conversations with you. New episodes Mondays and Fridays. Please rate and review the podcast if you enjoy it. Live life today ON PURPOSE.

My name is Jay Shetty, and my purpose is to make wisdom go viral. I’m fortunate to have fascinating conversations with the most insightful people in the world, and on my podcast, I’m sharing those conversations with you. New episodes Mondays and Fridays. Please rate and review the podcast if you enjoy it. Live life today ON PURPOSE.

Dr. Gabor Maté: Constantly Worrying What People Think of You? (THIS Simple Shift Will Help You Trust Yourself and Stop Seeking Approval)

https://api.omny.fm/orgs/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/clips/8718d5c7-a5c3-441f-8442-b41f005db1af/transcript