Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within

Published Nov 11, 2024, 8:00 AM

How do you handle negative self-talk?

What helps you overcome self-doubt?

Today, Jay sits down with Grammy Award-winning artist Alicia Keys as she shares her journey of self-discovery, resilience, and holistic living. Alicia founded Keys SoulCare, a skincare line emphasizing holistic well-being, and is a co-founder of the initiative She Is the Music, advocating for gender equality in the music industry. The conversation sheds light into Alicia's evolution from a young girl with dreams to an icon balancing a multifaceted career. Jay and Alicia discuss the highs and lows of fame, navigating self-doubt, and the pressures of public life, providing listeners with valuable insights on managing stress and fostering a positive self-image.

Alicia reflects on her childhood fears and the challenges of finding self-worth, candidly revealing how these experiences shaped her. She emphasizes the importance of staying grounded through practices like affirmations, journaling, and mindful rituals—habits that help her stay true to herself amid a whirlwind career. 

Jay and Alicia then talk about the beauty of affirmations and the importance of letting go of perfectionism, a journey that led Alicia to adopt a more holistic approach to life. In her partnership with husband Swizz Beatz, she finds a harmonious balance of "flow" and "design," where they support each other's growth and freedom. This dynamic extends to their parenting style, where they teach their children gratitude and self-acceptance while instilling a sense of humility and grace.

In this interview, you'll learn:

How to Embrace Your True Self

How to Overcome Self-Doubt and Fear

How to Find Confidence Within Yourself

How to Turn Negative Thoughts into Positivity

How to Discover Your Inner Strength

How to Set Boundaries for Self-Care

How to Be Kind to Yourself

How to Trust Your Own Choices

The journey through self-doubt, fears, and external pressures highlights the importance of staying grounded, trusting intuition, and letting go of the need to seek others' approval. 

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

03:54 What Would You Say to Your Younger Self?

05:34 When You Have the Need to Protect Yourself

09:02 From Being Doubtful to Becoming Curious

13:43 What Is Your Affirmation Today?

15:30 Stop Being Mean to Yourself

19:06 Finding the Will to Love Your Own Skin

26:49 Spend More Time with Yourself

32:14 The Gifts and the Gaps

36:19 What Have You Learned From Your Partner?

38:06 Having Healthy Conflict in Your Relationship

45:53 Finding Balance Between Control and Flow

47:51 The Love for Crystals

51:32 Losing the Ability to Trust Yourself

57:15 What Are Your Go-To Rituals to Feel Better?

01:00:08 Teach Your Children to Practice Gratitude

01:03:45 Allow Other People to Speak and Just Listen

01:05:22 Creating Safe Space for Children

01:09:35 Hell’s Kitchen on Broadway

01:15:19 Be Clear with Your Vision

01:22:12 How Have You Protected Yourself from Fame and Success?

01:26:32 Alicia in Final Five

Episode Resources:

Alicia Keys | Website

Alicia Keys | YouTube

Alicia Keys | Instagram

Alicia Keys | Facebook

Alicia Keys | TikTok

I felt like I had to protect myself from being hurt from people that I love. You got a special guest to build a ninety million records soul.

Sixteen times a Grammy winning Resistant.

But Alicia Keys, You're going to get to that pole. You see that light. After the pole, You're gonna get to that light. You see that tree after the light, You're going to get to that tree. And I discover that that is how we get where we're going. If it's something that you love, go after it because it's meant for you.

The Number one health and Wellness Podcast, Jay Shetty Ja Shetty See one Only Shed. Hey, everyone, welcome back to on Purpose, the place you come to become the happier, healthier and more healed. I'm so grateful for the amazing conversations that I get to have, which are all about human evolution, growth, purification, and cleansing. Today's guest is someone who has talked about this at length in an amazing memoir, in a document entries in so many forms, and today I'm so excited that we finally have her on the podcast in the flesh in person, although her voice and her energy speaks through the microphone at any time. Today's guest is the one, the only. Alisha Keys, a sixteen time Grammy Award winning singer let Me say it Again, sixteen time Grammy Award winning singer, songwriter, musician, producer, founder of Key Soul Care, which you'll be hearing about today New York Times best selling author, film, television and Broadway producer, as well accomplished actress, entrepreneur, and a powerful force in the world of activism. Alisha is one of the original founders of She Is The Music, an initiative to create change for women and build an equal future for music. Alisha has sold over sixty five million records, over five billion streams, and built an unparalleled repertoire of hits and accomplishments. Hell's Kitchen, the thirteen time I'm Tony Award nominated original stage musical. Alicia diligently worked for thirteen years to create Open on Broadway at the Schubert Theater on April twentieth, twenty twenty four. Today we're talking about Alicia's holistic beauty and skincare line, Key Soul Care, which I can't wait for you all to try. Welcome to On Purpose, Alicia Keys that's so.

Weird, Like when you do all of that, there's something about it that's just so fascinating and just wow, And thank you for having me. And I can't believe we're in a flesh for the first time on this show, on this show, you know what I mean. This is so good and I love your show and I love your Your life's purpose is so beautiful. So thank you for having me in your space. I'm loving this.

You've been so wonderful to me over the years. Honestly, we've had such a sweet relationship whenever we've collaborated, and from day one, you've always been so giving. But seeing as you reacted to them that way, I wonder whether little Alicia, if she saw that that was her life ahead, what would have been her reaction if she heard all of those things were going to happen in her life?

Like you lying, like you lying, right? I mean, you know, as a kid, I really do remember having these dreams and visions and desires and wishes. But you just don't know what is going to come for you. You don't know what's in your world or what's going to come into your world. And I think a lot of times we are built to doubt the possibilities for ourselves, and so for self preservation and protection, we say, I mean, it's probably not gonna be that way for me, or you know, you know how it goes from you do these things, and I remember doing these things, and it wasn't until I stopped doing those things that things really started to change. So I still have a piece of insight of me that that is that little girl that's kind of like, you know, you protect, you want to protect what might go wrong, and so I find that I do that sometimes, which maybe is what happened when you just rattled off all those things, and I was a little bit like, it's so crazy and weird and strange and amazing at the same time.

Yeah, well, that's very relatable, I think for people to hear that right now, to think that there was a time in your life where doubts and anxiety and fear would creep in. Further, it always exists for all of us, but that it controlled a part of your life. What were some of the doubts and fears and anxieties you had growing up, whether it was to your dreams or whether it was to life in general.

You know what I mean? About when you were out, how about yesterday, you know what I mean, how about like three days ago? Like as a kid growing up, I think some of my fears really circulated around I remember I felt I felt fear full that I wouldn't or I felt like I had to protect myself from being hurt from people that I loved. I remember that that that was a that was a thing, and I had to figure my way through that. There was a sense of lack that I was worried about. I was worried about this state of lack or not having enough money, or not having enough, not being able to hold on to what you started to get, or things like that. I had to do a lot of work around that. That was a lot. That was a big one, because I mean, you really can perpetuate that cycle just simply by the fact that you believe it can happen, you know, And so that was a big one. I think that, you know, there's a there's a lot of there's a lot of fear or anxiety or worry around rejection. You know, there was a lot of that, especially as I started to become more some a public figure where people you know, could kind of choose to like or dislike. There was a it was. It's a difficult journey to understand that you you're never gonna please everyone, period, and you're gonna spend your all, you're gonna tear yourself apart trying to like make sure every single thing is the way someone else wants it to be. But I had a lot of fear about that, and I really was. It was a struggle for me and I, you know, I wanted to be accepted. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be you know, I wanted to hear a positive reflection back to me, you know, And so it took a long time to kind of be like, yeah, I don't I can't depend on that, you know. I have to find my own stability. I have to find my own intuition. I have to find what I believe in, and at least I can stand on that. At least I can say I.

Really believe that one.

You know, if it didn't work out, but I really believed it, and I'm proud of it, you know what I mean. And that's a big one, you know, talk about even yesterday, I mean Hell's Kitchen, where we talked about Hell's Kitchen, which is my musical, which has been a big dream in the making. There were moments where I'm like, is this gonna work? Like, what if the whole I have this whole vision, I know what I want, But what if for some reason, the whole thing doesn't go the way I want? What does that mean? I mean, you have many, many, many dollars, You have investors that you promised them to trust you. Can I carry this? Can I hold this? Can I manifest this? Terrifying? I mean I would speak to my kids about it just because I wanted them to know that it's scary. You know, it's scary to dream. But does that mean I'm not gonna dream it. I'm not gonna try it?

No, I have to.

So tons of things have been that I.

Feel like so many people who are listening right now would say, at least I feel the same way. I talk to myself in my head and I think I can't do it. I'm not meant for it. It's it's not gonna happen for me. And at the same time, they have this voice inside of them that says, you're made for more, You're made of more. I know I need to believe in myself and we kind of feel this internal battle. How did you What was the work you had to do in order to go from someone who was anxious, doubtful to become someone who manifested this beautiful, incredible, full life. Not that it's easy that it came immediately, but what was the work in the beginning stages that you had to reorient your mind?

That's a great question. I think one of the things that I had to come to terms with is that pretty much nothing is going to come in the time frame that you think is going to come. So that's and that's helpful because I think a lot of us are you know. I mean, we're in such a digital space and we see all these things, and we're bombarded with all these images, and we're bombarded with all these kind of like carefully crafted posts of perfection, and you get freaked out about it. Right, But I'm you know, and fortunately I didn't really have to grow up looking at that, so I empathize deeply with this generation. We have to evolve as young people on a whole other level. Then I even had to navigate. But what I mean by and why it relates is I did I felt like I've grew up in New York City. Everybody's a hustler. You gotta go fast, you gotta make it happen. You gotta stay up all night and get up cracking dawn. And it's not gonna happen if you don't. And I realized, wait, you know, as hard as I try to push the thing forward, when it's time, it's time. And if it's not time, it don't matter what I do. It doesn't no matter how much sleep I don't get, it's not going to be time until it's time. And so I think that that steadiness of like kind of you just have to put one foot in front of the other, is just as simple as that. And I remember when I did my first marathon. I ran in Greece, and I figured I'd never do another marathon, so I might as well do something forgettable. But I could. I couldn't figure out how it's gonna make it. Everything hurt, my feet hurt, my back hurt, my lower back hurt, my abs hurt, my body ached, and I couldn't figure out how am I gonna get there? And I remember I was running with my friend who trained with me and helped me, and he said, you see that pole, You're gonna get to that pole. You see that light after the pole, you're gonna get to that light. You see that tree after the light, You're gonna get to that tree. And it was literally that, step by step, and so I discovered that that is how we get where we're going, like this increment of small, determined moments. And so I think that as well as coupled with taking that negative talk out of your space, like being very conscious it happens, it's in your head, you hear it, You're like tell yourself the opposite thing. I mean, that's how I started to really get into affirmations, which I realized that I had to create what I wanted to hear. And oftentimes it's so many times it's the barrage of everyone else's doubts and fears. And your parents, you inherited theirs, and you inherited all your peers things, and you got all these things insiety, they're not even yours. And so I had to create this connection with affirmations that allowed me to say what I wanted to hear. And so I had to become very mindful to notice the negative so that I could replace it. And when I did that. It really changed everything. It changed a bunch and I had to stop saying things that I heard my mother say. I had to stop saying things that I heard whoever else I trusted say, because it wasn't serving me, because she had picked up some stuff that I didn't need to pick up. I didn't need to hold it. Stuff like that has been How how many marathings have you done? Now, I've done too. A di Greece and I did New York.

Wow.

And I realized the craziest thing. I realized that what I was experiencing, that ache, that pain, that lower back, and I think it was childbirth.

Oh.

I didn't know that because the first time I hadn't given birth. But when I gave birth, I recognized the sensations and it was similar to a marathon.

Wow.

It was kind of crazy, but there was a strength there that, you know, was really empowering. So only two. My brother's trying to get me do another one. I'm like, nah, be, I'm not doing it.

My wife'stard in London this year for the first time she's been training.

It's cool when you do it, it's phenomenal and you really you really discover that it's that your mind is stronger than your physical being, and you really can find this place that you didn't know you could.

Absolutely. What was your affirmation this morning? Mmm?

My affirmation depends on the day, right, So today my affirmation is just I'm going to be on time because I struggle to get my kids to school on time. It's killing me. My my youngest son has just changed schools and he's going to another, so so now I'm taking both kids to two separate places. I'm struggling. And my second affirmation is I forgive myself. It's okay, like grace, have grace with yourself. You're trying your best. It's not like you're messing around and doing whatever. You're really trying your best and you're gonna figure out the rhythm of this thing. Have some grace.

I love those. They're so practical. I think all of us can do all of them right. They're great. Yeah, And the time one's funny because it rends with my mom. My mom had to do the same for me and my sister because all boys schools, you're into an old girls school, and so my mom would have to drop her and then drop me all the other way around. Sometimes it is it's.

More than a notion. You think I could do this if I just leave by this time, and for whatever reason, that time comes and goes over and over. So it's all good.

But I love how simple that is. Like I think a lot of people all think affirmations always have to be this profound, like incredible statement, and you're like, it's just to be on time, and it's to forgive myself And that's so real because we need to forgive ourselves every day.

Yeah, it's okay, it's okay, it's really okay. So you know, because you want the best, you want the best for yourself, you want the best for your family, you want the best outcome, you know, and it all comes from a good place. But I think sometimes we can beat ourselves up so badly about things that you know, we can just give ourselves a little bit of a break and we can start again and try again.

And Okay, what was the last thing you beat yourself up about really badly where you were like, I really made myself feel comfortable, you.

Know, I really try not to do that. I really do, Like I really I feel like I have a pretty good sense of self and I feel like I have a pretty good sense also of like reality, and so I don't over obsess and I don't over kind of like, I'm not overly mean to myself. But I did think about that the other day and I did I did this. I didn't put it up yet, but I did this. I do these things called piece of piece and and I call this speak to me nice, because you're not gonna let someone else talk to you just any type of way. You're like, excuse me, how did you just you just speak to me nice? But you yourself will speak to yourself in these crazy ways. And so I kind of was like just reflecting on you telling yourself, me telling myself speak to me nice, like talk to me with kindness and love. I learned that from my son a lot, because my youngest he is he's he's like, there's a little tough on himself, and I'm like, hey, speak to yourself nice. And so I think that is something that that I've learned how to embody. And I really try not to spin out too much, but you know, there are times of course you just you know you, but I'm like this is really doing no good. I'm really freaking out, and I was just like, why what are we doing in this space in this cycle? Sometimes you got to freak out, though, Yeah, because you got to learn something from it. You have to like take away whatever that is or that energy or that person who's spinning you like that, or that trigger that's triggering you like that, and you do have to kind of spin out just to be like WHOA that actually gets to me a lot why I've been learning a lot of that too.

Yeah, there's a I always like to remind people that guilt blocks growth, and shame doesn't help you shift, and judgment doesn't help you transform. Guilt blocks growth completely. It makes you wallow more in your guilt, and shame makes you feel stuck and shackled by it. Yes, and transformation is stunted when we're not able to be nice, kind, give ourselves grace. And it's funny because we all think we can guild ourselves into moving. But I kill myself enough, then maybe.

I'll change, I'll be motivated.

Maybe maybe you will for like a couple of days, but over time it runs out. If you shame yourself into change, maybe for a couple of days you'll eat better, work out more. Whatever it is that you have your personal challenges with but it's not sustainable, Like shame and guilt are not sustainable emotions and they run out of steam very quickly. And I was thinking about something that you've spoken about before, is your journey with your own skin, and like how you've had skin anxiety. And I know at one point you went completely like no makeup at one period of time in your life. And then now of course you have this. You know, you're in the beauty industry now as well, and you really care about how people care about their internal and the casing that we all have. And I know that you, you know, live a conscious, spirited life, which I really want to dive into. But I think often those of us who live spirit your lives, we can be quite negligent of our casing and of this body, and you can.

You can kind of disconnect, disconnect from it.

Yeah, disconnect from it right right. And so I wanted to ask you, how is your relationship changed with your skin? That was something that brought you anxiety?

Oh, my gosh, I confident in skin. I mean it was forever, it was literally forever that I really struggled with my with my skin. And you know you're a teenager and your hormones and you get it and it's cool. And then all of a sudden, I was like eighteen, and then I was twenty three, and then I was twenty eight, and then I was thirty, and then I was like thirty five, and I'm like, WHOA, when does this thing stop? Like when I thought like sixteen, eighteen, twenty one, maybe why is it continuing? And it was really hard to especially to be in spaces where you would present yourself and you would feel just so self can I just felt so self conscious and I'm like, but there's a big bump right here, And then most people are like, I don't even see the damn bump. But I see the bump right here, and it's huge, and it feels really uncomfortable. You know, you just feel uncomfortable. You want to know why too, You want to know what's the matter? Is something wrong? Why? I thought, I'm what can I do to help this? And so that definitely caused me a lot of anxiety. I started in the music world when I was eighteen, and so that was right kind of at the precipice, and then the stress of the whole universe of music was just so much, and I was trying my best to play it cool and like I can handle it.

I can do it.

But it was stressful. It was a whole new world. I had to carry a new weight on my shoulders and try to you know, kind of like be calm while or cool while doing it, and it was tricky and my skin. I learned that my body react to stress. Our bodies react to stress. My personal body physically reacts to stress. Many of our personal bodies do this, which is obviously why even many diseases come to us from stress, because physically, it's a physical manifestation of this feeling, which is why it is so important for us to figure out, like what gives you peace, what calms you down, what makes you feel safe and like you're in your skin and you're yourself and these type of things. And so of course I didn't know what that was for a long time, but I realized that it was these relationships I was attracting, and it was the you know, the level of commitment I was agreeing to that left no space for me to reflect, or to sleep, or to be with my friends. And you know, do those have those outlets that do give you a sense of calm, and so my skin was so reactive that I said, one day to myself, if I one day I'm going to make something that fixes this, this, I'm gonna do something about this, because I know I'm not the only one. And I realized as I began to you know, live and experience so many different parts of my life, motherhood and you know, raising young kids and finding time for yourself really and getting rid of those toxic energies that were attacking me in real life. I realized that you really have to take care of your soul, like like you have to take care of your soul. So this philosophy of soul care really came from all of these understandings and all of these realizings that no one's going to do it for me. Like no, as much as I really really wish someone would stand up and be like you, you're not good for her, get out of here, that thing you you need to stop, No, I have to be the judge of that. And therefore I have to find my way to the understanding of how do I hear myself to know what is good and what is not, or what is real or what is true? And so There were many things that brought me to that place. Some of them were meditations that brought me there and really brought me to a more intuitive space. Some of them were just practicing the art of like, no, what do you think? No, I know six friends said this, Well, I know that very strong energy that always tells everybody what they think, said this, but what do you think? And that became the practice of soul care, and also these ideas of ancient rituals and what are some special ways that we can have peace and calm? And I was attracted to crystals and their powers and their meanings. I was attracted to journaling. And I have a very difficult time as a kid. I had a difficult time expressing my truth. And I realized that when I would ernal or do the stream of consciousness I could. I could actually just release it. I could let it go. And if I'm not good at doing that to someone else because I didn't trust as fully, I can do it with myself, you know. And so these practices of how do you kind of like depend on yourself to find your own grounding became my idea of what soul care is, which eventually became how I said I'm going to make that thing to fix that thing became this key soul care, And the idea is, to me, it's a philosophy, it's a way of life. It's a lifestyle to me, you know. You know, the beauty industry or the skincare industry, just like the music industry, all of it is kind of creating how to live within the chaos. And so how do we do it? Nobody teaches us. Normally it's a blessing if someone does, but normally it's not so finding these ways through affirmations, through the idea of really connecting to yourself and using the affirm are on every battle. Because the idea is you ash your face. You do that every day with the golden cleanser. You can also think about how I'm devoted to this moment because so many times we're over here, over there, back there. How can you just be right here with yourself right now? And so the idea is like creating this mixture of ancient rituals and we're skin meets soul and sole care because we have air care, hair care, and nail care, body care, home care, but we never had soul care. Why so I want to start it.

Yeah, that's so beautiful. I mean, I couldn't agree more. As someone who was very negligent of a lot of this stuff like growing up and not really thinking about it, I've seen the value of I'm a big fan of affirmations, right. I think, even when it comes to cleansing my face, what that means, what that feels like, how different I feel internally because of it, How it can be a reminder to continue to cleanse and detox the soul as well as that which is around me. There's so much of that connection from body, mind, spirit, and soul that that I think we lose and we don't realize how interconnected they all are. Well, you were saying about stress, I found really powerful because so for me, my stress shows up as tightness in my body, like I feel my stress is like it gets stored in my neck or my shoulders, and then I'm just feeling tight. Even though I was like, I didn't know I was stressed, I didn't know what I was going through. And as you're saying, for some people it shows up in their skin. I was going to ask you, there's a bit of an addiction. We also have to stress and drama and there's this feeling sometimes where we prefer it when we have stress and busyness, and we're workaholics and we like the drama, and almost when there's peace, we almost get confused and lost because the exactly we get scared, right, So, what would you say to someone who's actually they'd listen to us right now and they're like, wow, I just realized that that's why I am. I actually like I choose stress. Because do you.

Think people come to that realization.

I don't think people do it consciously, but I think unconsciously when I sit with people, they'll find that their inherited choice is to naturally stay busy, work a lot, create drama in their relationship, whatever it is, because we're more used to it, not because we're bad people or because we're wrong, but because we kind of feel familiar. And I'll give you the opposite example. I have lots of friends who will be like, oh, I'm dating this guy and it's really peaceful on board, and so there's that right where people actually have like peace and stillness and connection. We're like, yeah, yeah, there's nothing to talk about. So I don't think it's something that people do on purpose. And I don't think it's something that people even do it consciously, but I think we do like to stay busy and stressed to some degree. Hey everyone, it's Jay Schatty and I'm thrilled to announce myst Tour. For the first time ever, you can see my On Purpose podcast live and in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to inspire growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to see you there. Tickets are on cell now, head to Jayshetty dot me and get yours today. Okay, I am so excited about this because we've got the first ever merch drop for On Purpose. It's finally here and for world mental health Today, We're doing an exclusive limited edition drop with all the proceeds going to the National Alliance on Mental Illness NAMI. So now you can wear your On Purpose merch, listen to the podcast and know that you two are having an impact. I want to thank you so much in advance. I can't wait to see all of your pictures wearing the merch, the sweatshirts, hot t shirts. Check it out on our website jshetdyshop dot com. That's jshettishop dot com. And remember one hundred percent of the proceeds go to NAMI.

I am familiar with that as well, and I'm kind of was just telling you that I had the best summer and it was my first summer where you know, the last two summers I was on tour and obviously those are just such a monster universe to try to like harness, and this summer was just like I was like, I am creating peace this summer. I am doing the things that everything I can imagine I want to do, I'm doing it this summer. And it was really liberating, really liberating. But it also does reflect to myself back to your point, the connection to the busyness equaling success or the busyness equaling you know, something positive, when surely there's positivity there for sure, But there is an addiction that I think comes with this idea of having to fill every minute and fill every second. And also there's the avoidance that we're all likely experiencing where we don't really want to face all the things underneath the things. So if we stay as busy as possible, we are like literally we don't even have time to think about those things or to reflect on those things. And so I do understand that lifestyle because I feel like for quite a while, I didn't even I would just say yes because I'm used to saying yes, yes, right, And I realized, wait, okay, you don't have to say yes. So do you want to say yes? Do you actually want to say yes, or do you just feel obligated to say yes for any number of reasons. So I think it's very powerful. I think you're right totally. The drama that we are, we've been conditioned.

That's why I would right to.

It's around us, it's what we see every day. We've seen our parents experience it in different ways. We've seen our friends go through it in different ways, and therefore that becomes the normal for us, and when we kind of crave it, we become addicted to it even without knowing it. So I think that practice of like that that perhaps is one of the opening When you said, how did you get to a place where you could, you know, find yourself in a where you are? I think part of that practice really did have to come to spending time with myself, and I made every excuse why I could spend time so my kids. I can't do it. My kids, you know, I can't leave them by themselves. I can't do it because I got to you know, who else is going to do. I got to feed the family, you know, we gotta do and they all seem valid. Makes sense to me, Yeah, that's true.

Your kids.

You should probably make sure your kids are good. And if I don't make sure I'm good, how can I make sure anybody is good? Ever, And so spending time with myself was I fought against it so much, but when I started to do it, I realized that I was more powerful than i'd ever been, and I was faster. I was able to do things quicker and more efficiently because I was so cloudy, you know, And that was cool. That was cool when you start to feel that where you're like, oh, I don't have to spend so much time doing whatever action because I actually know what I want to do blah blah blah blah, and I'm decisive. Man. I felt so good. I had never felt decisive before in my life. I'd never felt clear, without thousands of other opinions, I never felt like my own self, so that was big. But spending time with myself was I believe one of the keys to that.

Yeah, when I'm hearing you talk about how much we have to filter from the outside world, you mentioned a few times your parents, people's parents, like a lot of a lot comes from our parents. And I know you spoke about so beautifully in your book that I got to interview about, which I love that. It was such a it is such a beautiful memoir that you wrote a few years back. And I was wondering what I always think about our parents giving us gifts and gaps, and we give us certain gifts and they leave certain gaps, and we end up spending our whole life trying to get other people to fill those gaps and give us the same gifts, and it creates a lot of good things and issues. So I was going to ask you, what would you say the gifts you got from your mother and father and what were the gaps that they left and how did they affect you? Oo?

Okay, let me sit up for it takes my shirt real quick. The gifts, the gifts. One of the gifts that I got from my mother. I would say it's her, it's her strength. I feel like I really, I really bore witness to a woman who was like not to be like she just really now. I don't know if she wore that as an armor, you know, or what that was, but I found her to be quite like like straight and clear and strong, and there was kind of no getting around it, and you kind of just knew, Okay, this is what it is. And I feel like I really received a lot from that as a woman, as a young woman, as a woman who would have to be at the forefront of her own life and career and really have to be in my space of power, be around a lot of people that want to take your power, still your light, you know, lead you in the wrong spaces. I had to kind of be in my strength, and I did receive that from her. I received from my father, was I think. I think I think I also received a level of self determination because I had a unique relationship. My mother and my father were not married or together, and so one I had to learn that that's actually not unique or different. You know, there's not some kind of like family structure that's like the main one I think we get the painted that picture so much and then we feel so true, we feel uncomfortable that ours doesn't look like that. But so I had to kind of know who I was also even in our relationship, and so I got a sense of self as well. Sense of self. The gap from the sense of self that I received from my father was probably maybe some feelings of not being worthy. So I received of that I had to restructure my brain around. And from my mother, I think I got a sense of fixing. I had to fix everything because in a lot of ways, if she was strong and angry, I had to be like soft and accommodating and kind of fix the situation. And so I think I received some of that, which I also had a real wire No, no, no, I can't fix everything. I just can't, And I can't be in my relationships like that because that's not gonna work. Man took lots of time, But those are my gifts and my guess I'm asking that to many people. This is a great question.

Yeah, I think it has such a we don't realize how much of an impact it has on every relationship that comes after those relationships with our parents, and how it becomes like the guiding map of our whole life. And then you look back and you go, why am I expecting someone to give me this gift? It's like, because my parents gave me. And now I want everyone that loves me to show me they love me in this way, and I want them to fill this exact gap. And if they don't fill this gap, then they don't love me. Because that was where that's self worth you are saying of like, because if you were made to feel unworthy in a certain way, then you think anyone who doesn't show you love in that way, then they don't think you're worthy. But they may not they're not aware of the gift and the gap right and there as well, So that's the Yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot. And I mean obviously you've been married for what fourteen years? Yes, that's amazing, that's beautiful.

We're like, whoa, that's crazy, it's brilliant love it.

Yeah, you look I always whenever I see. But if you seem so happy and joyous and you know, complimentary to each other, I think what I found really fascinating in relationships is what people end up teaching each other. What would you say, Swiss has been able to teach you, and what have you taught him?

He's definitely taught me how to be like much more in the flow, Like it's all about kind of the magic of the moment and allowing the flow, like just slide into the slipstream let it happen, like, let it happen. That's been a big lesson he's given me. And what I've been able to give him is probably a little bit more of like, let's design what we want to happen, you know, as we're letting it happen, let's also like design it and craft it and strategize it and create it and schedule it so that it can really really happen. And I love how we balance each other like that. There's been just so much growth between us and so in such a positive way because we really do compliment each other, so it feels natural in those ways.

So I'm you and my wife Swizz, So I'm like that very very like I'm like strategy designed, intentional life and she's just like this. But I wanted to ask you, is those things seem like they're at loggerheads with each other, right, Like they seem like on the outside, that would seem like, well, if he's like go with the flow and you're like, yeah, but we need to know what we're doing, that sounds like a terrible matchup. Like that sounds like a fight ready to you know, explode, waiting to happen. Yeah, and an explosion because that's completely contradictory in terms of him being in flow and same with RADI like being completely this bundle and ball of energy and joy and then we're both trying to be more thoughtful and strategic. So how does that How have you allowed each other to operate as who you are and take without feeling like someone's trying to change you or that you've got to be someone else or they've got to be someone else.

Yeah, No, I think it's I think it's a good point. Well, first of all, I don't think I think actually it tends to work better when there's two different perspectives, right, because if you think exactly what I think and I think exactly what you think, and we might get to that place of boredom or to discussed. But what I took from what you said on board, I took almost like there's not a stimuli, right, There's not like the stimulation that comes sometimes, and I think that might happen if you're almost too similar. There's a stimulation from meeting and opposition and meeting like a different way of thinking, and then having to think about it and put it into your world. So yeah, I think that the flow is just because I love how he thinks, and how he thinks is so uniquely him, and it does inspire me. And yet I can still be connected to my own and similar lee. I think how I think does inspire him. He says, let me think about that more, let me put a little more thought into how we're doing this, And yet doesn't have to take him from his own so Ever, since the day our vows were about this idea of loving with an open hand, there's a beautiful thought of loving with an open hand, and you know that everyone should be free to fly as they want to fly. It should never be a closed hand over around someone.

Like that.

You know, it should be this open hand, And so we really have always looked at it like that. He'll always says, she's her own boss. I don't have anything to do with whatever she's choosing. Don't call me, and asked me to try to get her I can't. She's her own boss, so talk to her about whatever that might be. And and so there's always been that respect there that we each have our own way of flowing and it works.

It works. That's beautiful to hear. And I love that. Did you write there was that poem that you came across?

I can remember where that came from, but I wrote a song about it that never came out, no way, Yeah, And I always loved that metaphor so do I.

Just as when you were moving your hands for anyone who's not watching right, Alicia was moving her hands from being open to like holding one of her hands closed. And we do that.

We like stifle each other and hold each other and demand these things and don't want people to be free to express and feel fear and worry when people are bright and shining, and we feel, you know, sometimes afraid of that that they would somehow not need us anymore or not want us anymore. And you know, but there's this beautiful thing of just being, this equanimity that's what I've always experienced with him. It's like this equanimity between us that I've never felt anywhere else, And it's natural. We just have a similar frequency that we vibrate on and it just works. And I've been in situations where it's like, man, I kind of have to keep I can come out here with me, or I have to go you know, find that, but it's like we're not quite on the same level. And so that means something. You know, finding that frequency that vibrates with you is a thing.

Yeah, No, I love that. I wrote a chapter of my last book called your partner is your Guru, and it's that I feel that way, like you know, and I think that the quality that required so much in long term relationships as humility, and it's the hardest quality to have with your partner often where we have our biggest egos and we say this is the person we love the most, but they're the person we have the least humility with, Like if they don't like what we're wearing, or if they give us feedback or that it hurts the most.

Because so so so pure.

Yeah, yes, good point stops us sometimes from opening up, as you're talking about as you have been able to like. It stops you from sometimes learning from that person because you think your ways the right way, or that what you learned and what you inherited was the right way to solve a problem, especially I'm imagining when you have kids.

That's first, because we do find ourselves in those circumstances where naturally something that he might feel is quite different from what I might feel in regards to the kids. And you know, I think that anytime that's happened, I can reflect that there surely has is a better way of communicating what it is. And I find that that is the most powerful part. How do you choose to communicate with the people that you love is really the key to kind of life, like literally that that energy that you're giving and how you're choosing to communicate will make the difference between you know, something where you both can evolve and both can say I get it, I see what you mean, and you can see what I mean, and we can kind of find our way through it. Or they argument, this is just a pain, and you got you know, you gotta do all that, which we actually don't argue. We have a we don't we don't argue. Surely we get upset or we disagree, but there's not like a yelling and screaming and an arguing and a k and a slamming and a throwing there's not that, Like we respect each other too much for that. And I really appreciate that that that's the energy because I do also appreciate that many people have to or choose to or find themselves in the place of experiencing that type of you know, interaction, and man, I mean that is just so stressful and hard all around. So I'm proud that we can like find that that place and it is possible. Yeah, it is possible.

Well, it sounds like you've both been quite intentional about your relationship from your vows from the beginning of like what does this look like, right? And what are the barriers around disagreements? Right, Like we're allowed to disagree. We're allowed to and the same with me in my wife we have a rule as well, like no yelling, no raising the voice, no obviously nothing physical, but like right, there has to be a very clear way of solving this, and we're allowed to disagree. We're allowed to end on completely two different sides of a conversation. We don't have to end with perfect resolution. It may not be the way, but we don't have to get there in a violent, aggressive or tension field way. Through our words or our actions, or our how loud we are, because that pushes the person away so much. I've read this poem that was talking about when people argue, they have to shout and scream because that's how distant their souls are. And so even though you're standing right in front of them, so far away from you that you have to shout in order to communicate, but you don't realize that that just pushes them further away, and that actually if you whispered and you were quiet, and you would actually draw them closer. Bar. Yeah, and so it you know, I love that. I love that metaphor, and I can't. I need to hear this song that you've written about the hands.

I find it. I'll find it, at least i'll send it to you, but i'll find that. I really like it special. It's a special song. I wrote it when I came back from Egypt, and so it was a while ago, but I took that a special ship to Egypt, and I did a lot of songwriting right after that, and that was kind of one of them. And it was actually in honor of my godmother, who did experience quite an abusive relationship. And so the line was the tightest grip is an open hand.

I love that. That's beautiful. That's beautiful.

Yeah.

How do you decide that a song doesn't come out? Like? How does? How does? Because how many songs does an artists make? That? Never? So many like in your in your lifetime, like how many songs? Never would? Would someone have? Never?

Three hundred?

Wow? Yeah, So that's like twenty albums with.

So many, so many that just you know, half done, or you know, didn't quite just come together or just didn't have that special thing enough to go to the next level, or time passes in your relationship to yourself is changing, so what you were, what you were expressing at one point just doesn't represent where you are now. And so then that kind of has its own In fact, one of my albums, Keys, has a song on it called is It Insane? And Keys came out in like twenty twenty three, and is It Insane, which written in like two thousand. It's like it was, but it was not ready until that moment and then it was ready. So back to that whole thing where nothing's ever ready when you think it's time, yeah, and then finally you're like, oh it's time.

I get it. Yeah, and times usually you're so. When you said that earlier, I thought of it. I was like, time is actually what puts anxiety onto everything. If we say I have to have achieved this by this age, that's now the anxiety because if it took twenty three years, it took twenty three years and you got there in the end, right. But if you said this has to be ready this year, that's what put anxiety on everything. And I was thinking about that. You're so right that when I make something not on the universe's time and not on de fin timing, and it's on my timing.

That's when you're stressed.

That's what I'm stressed about.

Freaking out.

Yeah, And of course there are things you have to like if you have contracts and commitments.

And you have to get it in a time, yeah, you do your best.

Yeah, But it's when we're asking or trying to manifest things that we put time on. It changes what you were saying you love crystals earlier. I was wondering, what's your favorite crystal and where did you find it? How did you learn about them? I feel like you have such a deeply spiritual side. I don't want to hear about it, because I don't think we've dived into this before.

I love that's a good one man. Okay, So where did my love for crystals come first? I think that I learned that going to these crystal shops, there's something so beautiful about the process. And I remember doing a beautiful book called The Artist's Way Julia Cameron. I believe her name is like tried and true book, like classic, and one of the things that was beautiful about it is she says, take yourself on an artist's date. So once a week you were meant to take yourself on an artist date, which meant you couldn't go with no one except yourself, and you had to think of what would serve you on that date, which is quite hard for many of us, Like what will make me happy? Where would I like to go? In crystal shops? This is what I discovered was one of the things I loved it. I loved the peace and the serenity. I loved exploring every name. I found that if I went to one, it would be exactly the one I needed. I would just look at the way it looked and I would pick it up. I'm like, that's what I need right now. I need more courage, I need more, I need more manifestation, I need more clarity. When I did take my trip to Egypt that we talked about, I learned that the native it was native to where we were was the Lupus lazui that blew powerful stone, and I just became fascinated with it. So the more that I discovered, the more that crystals became. I'm a part of my life. Even in my son's pocket, I'll put a crystal. If he's feeling worried, or if he's feeling like or if he needs a little grounding, I'll put a crystal in his pocket, or I'll tell him hold it, just because I do know. There is something about the power of crystals, and that in fact is one of the most kind of secret parts of Key's soul care because the crystals are infused into the offerings, and we have these beautiful offerings called the Illuminating Serum, which I just love because we need to illuminate as much as possible, and they are really based on these crystals. So one's the moonstone aura, and that is so good manifestation. One is the bronzeite aura, and that is all about courage, and one is the quartz, the golden quartz Aura's and that is so each one has these powers that even you should put on your body in your universe. And I just love that because there is such a there is a strength, there is a power, there is a mysticism, there is a there are these ancient rituals, like our ancestors did these things hundreds and hundreds of years ago, and we've somehow sometimes lost touch with those rituals in those ancient ways, and so I love discovering them and they really give me a sense of like I feel like I have something in my pocket that's like it's going to help me and I really really love it.

Or on my body. Yeah, now you can put it on your money.

It feels like and it illuminates you. So it also gives you that glow that's just really already even within you. Yeah that's the point.

No, I love that you've infused it in the offerings because I feel like I too love that. Like I sometimes you see a crystal and you're just drawn to it, where you see a gem and you're just drawn to it and you can't explain it because it's not like you were into that color or you're into that shape, and all of a sudden, you're just like, why am I attracted to this thing?

Because you need it?

Because it exactly And I think we've lost the ability to trust ourselves on what we need because everything's become didactic and tactical and kind of too formulated.

I'm very moved by this because as we were just talking about kids, and you know, as a parent, you think about we do take we can We have the power to take the trust from people when they feel like they can't trust themselves because we judge them on something that they've decided. And we do this as adults to each other. We do this as parents to kids. We do this as friends, you know, And we do this thing where we judge a person, and now we've taken away a bit of their trust in themselves because they feel like this person may fun of me when I did this.

I won't do that.

But your instinct was to do this, and you loved it. When you did it, you were happy, you were excited, you were giddy. And perhaps we allow people to steal that from us. But many times we're not in a position of awareness, so we just find that we then distrust ourselves. And I think that's a big one, because how can we start to trust ourselves again. How can we practice like, no, no, this is good for me. You might not like it. It's cool. You don't have to do it. I'm not telling you to do it. I'm telling you I'm doing it. And I think that's really important. And I hope that we can first be a little bit more conscious of always injecting our opinion on everybody, as parents, as friends, as you know, elders, and secondly to as the people who have to navigate our way through that, remembering that if that was our first instinct and we felt joy with it, know, then there's something in there to learn or explore or find the color and or curiosity and and and I want us to do I want us and not forget that. Yeah, that's a big one. You just said.

No, you so well said. I couldn't agree with you more. And I remember when I first trained to be a coach, the number one training was how you don't project your life and your limits onto anyone, Like that's the core skill, because that's all we do all day. Like someone says their idea and we project our view to it, right, Like someone's like, hey, I want to be a singer like Alicia Keys, and you're like, yeah, you might as well. Yeah, and it's like, but you have no idea what they're saying. You don't. You're not listening to them, there's no there's no learning, and you're just projecting what you feel. Or someone says I think I'm quitting my job and pursuing my passion on this thing, and you're like, no, no, no, don't do that, Like that's risky, and it's like, well, maybe it's maybe they need it. Yeah, maybe it's needed. Maybe risk is okay for them. And but we're so quick and you're so right that our friends are family and we we do that to others and we do to our partners as well, Like when they're just saying, hey, you know what, I think I need a weekend off this weekend and you're like, no, maybe there's a few things you need to get done, and they're actually yeah, and you're so what you said so beautifully is we stop people from trusting themselves. Like I think that really resonated with me, and I think that's why I feel the fact that you've infused all these crystals into your offerings. I love that because it's it's a daily reminder of trusting that when you I always say this to people, I'm like, we don't use our senses enough. Like the scent is so powerful, right, your products smell amazing and the sense amazing, and it's like we underestimate how much we know what we need by scent. Like I love it. I remember when I first got a massage and they brought out all the different oils. They said which one and they were like, you know by smelling, and I was like, what does that mean? And then you do it and you're like, oh, wait a minute, I do know. I do know that I need number three, which has lavender and you ca liptus or whatever it is, because I'm seeking rest and relaxation, or I do need citrus because I'm seeking energy, and you know right, but we don't use that set. We don't use our power of scent, of sight, of sound to know what we need.

And the part that I love about what you said and the knowing the affirmation on the illuminating serum is I give myself permission to glow because I just so many times we just or we stunt the growth, or we stunt the glow, or we feel embarrassed by the fact that we are, you know, bright, and or we to your point about the addiction to the negative, like if we are feeling good, how many times have you felt good but your friend wasn't feeling so good? So you kind of they might say, well, how are you feeling? I'm like, I'm all right, but you're really actually great and you're actually glowing. And I think sometimes we dim you know, I know, we dim our light, which is another affirmation on the on the candle, is you know this idea of not dimming your light, like don't dial it back, you know, because we do it, and it's only because we don't we want to be kind to the people that were around. But I think there's an inspiration that comes from giving yourself permission to glow. There's the empowerment that a person looks at you and says, they don't they look like and I want to feel like that, Like I'm going to do more of that, you know, giving yourself that permission. I love that. I really it's a really special reminder.

What are your go to rituals when you are having a day that it's just hard, stressful, tough, demanding. What's your go to, non negotiable set of rituals that at least you keys turns to when when it's really it's really tough.

I definitely find that one of my go tos is for sure a meditation. Just find that I try my best to meditate frequently so that I do find that that balances you. You don't have to kind of fix what's happening. You find the continuity with the balance. But I do find that when I need it, I really I really relate to a meditation. It kind of just brings me back to the center. It brings me back to again that quietness. I get a second of quiet, even if I have to wake up before the kids. I'm gonna wake up at five thirty, so I can have twenty minutes of just like or I'm gonna make up at five forty five, whatever it is. And I really find that settles my spirit because usually if I'm having a tough one, I'm not sleeping well either, because it's just like the internal noise and all those things. So I really I really love the ground there. I will journal. I find that the journaling is also really again, I've always had to just kind of release things more freely than I find I can do it other people. So that really helps A really good workout. Key keep get me sweating, get me kind of like, you know, just like feel your power of your body. That helps me a lot. Then of course I'm going to wash my face. I'm gonna release. As we talked about, the Golden cleanser is gonna let me, like let it go. I have this beautiful, rich transformation cream and on it it says I welcome all circumstances as a catalyst for change.

Wow. And so I can.

Probably reflect on the fact that this isn't bad or good, this is just a catalyst to change something. And then I get my illuminating seramony because I'm going to be glowing and I'm giving myself the permission. And I do love a bath. I do love a bath. I do love you know. Back to the oils or the herbs, I find that even the crystal can come into play if I need to just kind of like release something. And definitely the intentions and the affirmations come into play, because I find that whatever's bothering me, I'll kind of it's something that's challenging me. Maybe I don't want to fail at something, or I don't want to I don't want something to go wrong, or and I kind of use that to say whatever it is that I might need, and you know, hey, sometimes it's just gonna be a hard day, maybe be a hard week, maybe be a hard month. But doing that consistently, I know I'm fueling myself and I'm pouring in there, and I feel better.

What works for kids, Like what rituals do you feel you've actually been able to pass on because they're young, And I always feel like a lot of parents want their kids to do things, but I feel like you may be mindful in knowing what works and what doesn't and what do they like and what are they not Like.

Well, I used to force Egypt to meditate. I was like, you want whatever you want, come men. That worked for a while. He's really big now and he's thirteen, so I feel like I could still kind of push him into it. But it was cool because he I think when I do my meditation, he can say every words Okan Genesis. And even though they don't necessarily do it with me all the time, they know it and they feel it and they hear it, and so I do think that idea of kind of like just sitting with yourself again is a great practice for kids because you know, it just has to be long, five minutes, cool, really quick. A lot of the times, I'm also I'm also talking to my kids a lot about gratitude. I think gratitude is the key key. It's the most simple but potent key to changing the energy. I know I felt times before a while I'm like, I'm just pissed off because someone did something, and I'm like and I'm sicking, I'm trying to do it and i am steaming, and I'll just like start to list what I'm grateful for. It changes everything everything. And I try to also share with my kids that you know, give thanks, give thanks, and also pray, make a prayer for what it is you're thankful for and what it is you're looking for. And I promise you you will open every door for yourself. I promise every time I leave the room. I older ones, sometimes I'll pray with them. Sometimes I let them, you know, be in his own zone and I say, don't forget to pray, like, don't forget, just be grateful and pray because the gratitude is like, it's key. I really do feel that it's a key ingredient to settling. And definitely it's a joy, which I think is what we're all looking for, absolutely right and joy.

I love hearing what you're passing on to the kids, And I think so much of it is them watching you do it or them doing it with you. And I think you're saying a good example and that makes it easier because there's only so much you can tell a kid to do something. But if you're there doing it, showing up, turning up, enjoyed you.

They get used to it.

Yeah, they get used to it and they see that at least Mom values it. And you know, even their names, they're like Egypt and Genesis, Like I feel like those names are so powerful.

Man, I love those names.

Yeah, they're really powerful.

Foo. I mean yeah, Egypt. It's been so cool because like even just as watching him grow and he's always been super into architecture and math, and I'm like, man, maybe that I feel like the name connection really brought that to him in so many ways, and and Genesis is like WHOA. I'm like, we might have needed to rethink name of that. But it's so good. He's so like kind of strong and clear, and you know, he's he's, he's, he's he doesn't you know, he doesn't bend. And I really appreciate that for him because I spent so much of my life bending and contorting and shifting and changing and trying to please that I love. And he's like, no, and he won't. That's it. I'm like, Okay, I'm go. I need you to try to be a little bit fluid, like a little fluid on occasion, not every time, just once in a while. But I love that for him. I love that he's clear. He's clear. And that's it.

What's something you've been trying to learn recently or work on recently internally for yourself? The kids are work.

I think I've just been working on just listening.

Yeah.

I think that we all have such big personalities. I think I feel for the kids sometimes like the dad has this huge personality, and we have this big personality, and I answer every question and I react to everything and I'm always saying yeah, oh yeah, And sometimes I'm like, I think I can just be more siglent, and I think I can just actually let me allow them the space to and everybody the space to just kind of feel share, say what they're saying without neither encouragement nor discouragement, just like see what they're sharing or saying and let them just speak. So I think the listening is really cool. Not always reacting, not always sharing, not always saying something, just like being more more, more silent, more taking the space. Just Yeah, that's what I'm working on.

Yeah, I love that I can agree with you more. I think it's like it's such a rare thing actually for someone to actually just listen and not have a reaction, right, and for them to know that they can keep I feel like when you listen that way, people feel like they can actually speak from a deeper place. They're not just thinking and speaking, they're feeling and speaking because you're listening from a from a feeling space as well. Yes, and I wonder how do how do you explain fame to them or explain or do they how do they how do they interact with you? Said your big personalities but both of you have big lives, Like how did they make sense to me? Or are they still too young? And they don't?

I mean they're pretty present you know, they're pretty present. I think about that often. I mean, I'm very much about I want us all in spaces that feel very very normal, Like I am very very like about that. I love to take them to their classes, and I love to drop my off at school, and I love to like we go and we go to the you know, we go hang out at the park, or we go somewhere.

We do what we do.

And I really love that ease. So I really want to put them in environments that feel like that. So of course, you know, at the other side, they're on the tour bus for three months and that's also different, so they I think, but I do think they have a pretty good balance about it all. And they're pretty like everyday kids, you know, And I love that about them too. I wonder how it feels or how they affect them. They're both very very empathetic. Like I know, sometimes if we're out and someone, you know, they might have caught someone and wants to take a.

Picture with ma.

Just take a picture of mom, you know, when it's the right time, I'm like, okay, cool. But if it's the wrong time then it's also But I'll go say hello, so happy to see you. Hope you're great. Thanks for saying hi. And it just might not be the right time. And that's okay too, So just showing them the boundaries too. And and but I think that, you know, sometimes sometimes I'll say, Genesis would be like, ma, you know in school, they're like, that's Alicia Keys. It's like so annoying. Mom, it is annoying.

I feel you, that's annoying.

But you could just tell him that's your mom. Like, you could just tell him, I know that's I see what you mean, but that's actually just my mom. So you can tell him that. And then and then each of them. You know, he's getting big and really strong in basketball, and he's like doing so many amazing things. He has a great instinct. And you know, really we'll walk into a room, will be me and Swiss, and if it's in the basketball universe, they'll be like, there's Egypt, Like they actually are starting to know Egypt's talent. And so it's really good and it's wonderful that he has all of his own space. And I think sometimes he might feel like that's.

What I want.

I want to make sure that it's not because of whatever else, you know, and so I feel for them, but I think that they're pretty cool about everything. They have a good head on their shoulders. You know, they're kind, they're loving, they're thoughtful.

That's beautiful.

I'm really proud of them, for all of them. You know, we have a beautiful, big, blended family, and I'm proud of all of them because it's like each has such a special, unique, cool personality and I'm just like, yeah, I was like, really cool.

I love it. I feel like you've been able to you know, you've been in the music industry for so long. I mean I want to know how Hell's Kitchen felt like to be able to take parts of your story inspire, you know, to see your music on Broadway. I mean that feels like it was it a different challenge, Like what was what was the What was that like for you to have to go from recording in studios, making music, traveling to then doing Broadway? Like what did that look like for you? How were you creatively involved?

It was definitely as you said, it's been a thirteen year process, and I think that's made it very cool, like really almost enjoyable, because whereas maybe sometimes with because it was such a passion project, I knew it wasn't all going to happen quickly or at once, and so I would be able to kind of take myself out of my quote unquote normal life and go into this workshop phase with Hell's kitchen, and I'd be able to figure out, like what, you know, what's the storylines? Me and the writer, the book writer would get to it and we'd say, here's the themes, and here's the characters, and here's the stories, and let's are to build this universe. And then when the director came in, Michael Grife, you know, he was really instrumental. He's kind of like that me and Chris Diaz, who's the book writer, are a little bit more than newbies. And then Michael Grive is like the like the parental figure. He's like, this is what we do. We do this, we do this, we do this, We're good. And sure enough we'd be like, wow, we needed that. We didn't really know where we were going. So he was like a beautiful guide in light. And then as time passed, you know, being able to connect with the public, theater, who who's the theater? Who did you know Hamilton and chorus Line and all of these incredible credible shows, even the softs they did, and you know, there's so many beautiful things that they that created another level of like clarity and just like refinement and really being able to bring it to life. So all these things kind of happen in pockets, like you know, it'll be a three week process and then we'll hold tight for It'll be a two month process, and then we'll hold tightenment, and then it'll be six months of just heavy and there will a whole tight a minute. And so it really gave me the capacity to hold the container for the story and for the meaning, and I would always be able to come back to it and say, this feels right or something's wrong about that. We have to figure that out. And then when we brought in the choreographer, she became another part of this beautiful tapestry you and she was creating movement around the songs in a way that I just never heard it before. And the orchestrator who's also been a partner to me in many ways musically, Adam Blackstone. You know, we would create different versions and instrumentals, and I wrote new songs, and so it was all these pieces and parts and you could start to feel little by little how it was all the right timing. But I feel like the biggest I want to call it a challenge. I'm looking for the right word. The biggest growth. Yeah, maybe the biggest The biggest growth or the biggest awake that I had with it was realizing that I could take this moment and I could almost take everything that I ever didn't do right and I could fix it. I could learn from it. I could take it the knowledge and I could put it into this process and I can fix it. I could do it right because I actually had the experience, and so my intellectual experience that I had gave me the ability to really look at it in a way that I had truly never had before. And then, because of that knowledge, really cultivating the strongest team of really awesome people in this particular universe to assist me as a newbie, you know, as a person who hadn't quite traversed this path yet was so inspiring and enlightening and empowering to really see that when everybody is the best at their field, you really can create something that truly is magical. And so I learned so much from it, And obviously that's been years and years and years and years and years, and even just seeing it off Broadway and having to navigate our way through how can we perfect the story? And there's still more to perfect, there's still more to craft. And doing that and being open and listening and really just being open too was tremendously rewarding. So that day when we got that announcement that we had been nominated for thirteen Tonies, it was freaky. The thirteen, the thirteen, it was just all like, something's really divine here and it was unbelievable. So it's been such a hands on I mean, I am notoriously anal but in the best most loving way, because I just I know what it's supposed to be and I'm not going to let it go until it's right what it's meant to be.

Have you always been like that with all your music since day one and everything? Yeah? Yeah, it takes that. Yeah.

And I've also learned how to like back off to like, you know what, let it let it flow, let it vibe. It's okay, you got to back off of it sometimes. But I am definitely smedge of a control freak.

How have you walked me through how you've refined that perfectionism, because in one sense, the reason why you have sixteen Grammys and you know all the rest of it is because all the successes come from that level of work and ethic and effort and perfection and you know all of that like tinkering and iterations and and everything. And then where have you learned to let go or what is it that you've done to flow? At what point do you allow it to flow? If someone's listening, they're like a Leisha, I'm a perfectionist too.

Yeah, I think that you know, definitely, having the vision for what you want to create is wonderful and you likely are the only person that has that vision. If you, you know, pass that off to somebody, the vision will shift right, so which might be needed at a certain point. But I think being comfortable saying I really have this vision, I'm very clear about it, and following that is wonderful. Then I think starting to let other special not just anybody, but special folks who you realize they they're additive. You know that what you create together or what they bring to the table can enhance the vision. It is important to let that in because if you don't let it in, you're going to actually steal from the vision ultimately. So I think that has been a beautiful process when when you and when you know that feels right, you know when it doesn't feel right and it's super hard and it's like a struggle and you argue and everything. Okay, it's not the right person. You can let that go. But when you do see that things or people are becoming additive, it's really good to allow that in, allow that to come in, and then you get inspired more and you're like, oh, I didn't know that we could do that. Now I could take that and make it even better because we've brought that part into it. So I think that's a really special part of the creative processes. And I have learned that with even songwriting, like so fun when you start to bring additional energies into the space, not all the time, so you lose sight of your vision or of your center. So that's happened to me too. I'm like, wait, let me go back to the simplest because I've made this a bit complicated or you know, overly done. But I think there's something really great about that. And then you keep seeing that it's growing and it's adding and then you can still hold space for division, but allow what helps it in and what makes it grow in and what makes it better in. And I don't think you have to be worried about that. It's a beautiful thing.

Yeah, I've definitely developed so much more respect and appreciation, even more than I already had for artists. The closer I've got to the industry just from watching, because you forget that so many projects are truly pure passion and that they took ten, fifteen, twenty years. And when you hear about something like that, that you're saying for someone like yourself who's already successful, already has tons of accolades in an area that's directly related. But then to think you had to wait thirteen years and work for thirteen years to pull that off. You start recognizing that it takes so much patience and love, even when you have already proved yourself. Because I think, is this feeling that people can get tired of proving themselves or having to prove themselves. That's right, and it can feel exhausting sometimes, But the truth is that if you're growing and you're building, and you have something you care about, right, you're constantly having to prove yourself in a new space.

Right, And I think there's there's something really exciting about that too, because I think if you could open every door, you would take it for granted. You know you I could open that door too, and I over that door, and yes, can we open every door? Yes, we actually can open every door. But is it always going to be easy or the simplest. No, it's going to take time and you're going to have to figure it out and work your way through it and come back to those places that you're like, oh, I gotta dredge up this confidence again, Like I thought I was good in this department and here it goes again. And all those learnings and challenges that kind of takes you through just being a human being is I think the beautiful part and the excitement and the thrill and the stimulus, and and then you're like, I am willing to work for this, I'm willing to put in the time for this. I'm willing to even fail. And what does that mean? What does it even mean? Actually, I don't know what that means. I am willing to work and to try, and whatever comes from it is going to be what I need. It's going to be exactly what's needed. So it's it's it's beautiful. I really I really enjoy it, and I really find that I'm more grateful than ever, for sure, for being able to spread my wings and be ceilingless or be edgeless, because I really want to be able to explore as much as I can, and it feels really good to keep trying. And and but most important, I think the seed of what you said is the love. It's what do I matter? If there's some that you love, go after it because it's meant for you and might not be the way that you thought it was going to be, or the length of time you thought it was going to take, or whatever all the other things are. For man, is I know it's meant for you if you love it?

Yeah, yeah, You'll get to where you want in life, just not in the way you imagined it. The timeline will be different, the way it looks will be different, the way it feels might be different. Even how you visioned it may be completely different. But you get there right and the journey will probably be better and a better story than you imagined it to be. Ever, and hearing you said that is so so fulfilling. I want to ask you one more question before we end with a final five, and this question is more just the way I've experienced you even today. I'm like, you've been in the industry for so long, since you were eighteen. You said you know so much success, moved around, done so many different things, and I feel like anytime I've been with you, your energy is always like upbeat. You've always been positive, you've always been giving, like there's always been a really nice spirit and way about you that you have. And I feel like you've never become jaded by the industry or jaded by things around you, and you see that a lot for people, and not in a judgmental way. You observe it. But it seems like you've protected and carved out your space and your like happy place and your safe space. And I was wondering, how have you done that when so many people can look at something and be like, oh, well, I don't want to you know, people be like I don't want to be too Hollywood, I don't want to do to this, I don't want to go to that. But it feels like you've been able to protect yourself regardless, you know, being in a big thing, and I wonder how you've been able to do that and how you've been able to craft that.

Ah, man, this is I love this question. I think that one of the back to the gifts of what I got from my mother. You know, she was always really kind of somehow she made me think about how I made people feel. And I remember that. I remember, you know, it'd be simple things. I changed my mind about going to a birthday party, and she would be like, but how would that make you feel? And so somehow she helped me to find my empathy and I can put myself into other people's shoes, and I really appreciate that was a gift. And so I can look around me and I can feel empathy for other people, like I want to connect with people I care about that. I love bringing good I want people to bring me good energy. I don't remember bring someone else anything else but good energy. Like I care about the energy that I cultivate in a space. And I also have learned that if I can't bring that energy, then I can remove myself from that space, Like I don't have to be in a space if I'm not feeling good, you know, because I can also not feel good. I don't have to always feel good either. That part was a lesson. Took me a while to get there too, you know, But I appreciate that I want to bring that. I'm conscious of what I'm bringing into a space and into a room, and I want what I bring into a space to be something that feels good. And so I think that that's kind of that's it. I think that's really it. And so just the distinction between the two, giving myself permission to maybe not feel like I can feel that space is great and then when I can and when I'm ready, I do. And that's what I want to do. I want to bring that, and I hold other people to that. I'm like, hey, I don't bring you that energy.

I don't.

I don't want you to bring me that energy, you know, because my energy is precious and it's important and it's special and it's just not free. I don't just give it to those who don't deserve it. So I also had to learn the value back to one of my gaps of who I am and what my energy is and what a gift it is to be able. All of our energy is a gift, and we can kind of choose how do we want to give it? And so I love that and learning when it's when to give it and when not to give it. It's also been a part of the journey too. I think I'm doing better with that. They go to better man, a lot of undeserved people, got a lot of good Alicia energy, and it's like, man, no more of that, No more of that. Like you got to know your limits, you know, like, Okay, cool, that doesn't mean I have to be on kind to that person, but they don't have to get my best beautiful energy. They can kind of yeah, hold tight over there.

And you only realize that by giving it and knowing that you overgave or undergave right, right, And you only know that by trying it out. Like I know there are people in my life who I believe deserve way more better energy for me because they always have that for me, and right, maybe overspent in this area. And it's like looking at your bank balance at the end of the month and going where did I overspend and where did I underspend? And energy is the same thing. Where did I overspend my energy? And who did I overspend my energy with? And who did I underspend with? Fact, and let me reflect on that. I love that. Yeah, thank you, Alicia. I I've meant the first time we ever did the interview was only audios during the pandemic, and I remember, like, obviously, I mean, it's a no brainer that you have the most beautiful voice, but I remember just listening to you because we were so present, because I could just.

Hear you, and it was a time.

Yeah, and it was. It was a time, exactly, it was a time. But I'm so grateful to be able to see all your expressions today and just you know, see you come to life. And we end every on purpose interview with what we call a final five. Every question has to be answered in one word to one sentence.

Maximum one word to one sentence.

Yeah, but I'll probably ask you for more because I always break my own rules.

All right, I'll try to be swift. I'm not get it there.

Yeah, it doesn't matter. It's fine, Alicia Keys. These are your final five. So question number one, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?

Nothing before it's time, my grandmother, nothing before it's time.

I love that one. Question number two, what is the worst advice you ever heard or received?

The worst The worst advice that I ever received was that I had to kind of change myself to be accepted, or that I had to even if I felt uncomfortable, I should do a thing because it's what you know was going to be best received.

Yeah, that's it's good to hear. I always like to make a list of all the worst advice everyone's had, because people are going to hear it again, right, and hopefully they'll remember this moment when they hear it.

Good.

Yeah, Question number three, what was it like to perform at the Super Bowl? Oh?

Man, it was crazy. It was totally insane. This is longer than a sentence.

It was.

I found it so fascinating because it had to be built. The whole thing had to be built, and they had to time it in under three minutes. It could be built, and then we had to have our performance in the amount and it had to be and so and it was live. So it's crazy to see a live thing have to like operate in that level of like finite detail.

I was like in awe.

And then obviously the place and the people in the vibe and the energy and it was just like really fun.

Yeah, here is that your dress and the piano and it was it was crazy.

It was and the underneath the dress was the world's best puppeteers, So they were actually puppeteers underneath the dress to make it fly like that. That was fantastic.

How did your control freak nature deal with that? Like three minutes and like the puppeteers.

You know, I just we had practiced so distinctly that I knew everything that was going to happen and it was perfect, and I just kind of, you know, control freak until you can't. And as an artist, I just at a certain point when you're when you're flowing and creating and writing and saying, you do just have to like be in the moment. So the control freak part comes when I'm designing, creating the thing, But once I'm in the thing, you have to just.

Go, oh, so that's beautiful. I love that. That makes so much sense. Yeah, it's a great clarification on the earlier point two. I love that, And that completely makes sense in the architecture, the design, that's what the perfectionistics.

Otherwise though, it's like magic, whatever happens, whatever happens, it's perfect for that moment.

Yeah, that's beautiful. Question before. What's the first offering you want me to use and the first offering you want Roddy to use? And I want you to give them to you now you can share them.

Okay, okay, all right, well I want you both to wash your face, yes, but I want you to use the ora missed. It has rose, It has rose.

I think we might start spraying this in the studio every time now someone comes in.

And literally it just plows you instantly, and it's I'm as free as the air.

That the affirmation.

And you always are as free as the air. But that's just a beautiful reminder and my.

Best friend, that's beautiful. These are to let me.

Glow seerums, and this one, I think is the bronzeite. I give my felt self permission to grow the bronze aura. So she's going to get all three of these because she's glowing and she's so spectacularly authentic. I just adore her, So let me glow in all of the shades so that she could just like King King, Ching King King. She already glows, so we'll give that to her. I can't wait to see her.

I love that. I can't wait for you to see her. As well. That's beautiful. Thank you so much. We're so excited. Thank thank you for sending so much for my team as well, everybody. We appreciate it, appreciate it so much. Fifth and final question, if you could we ask this every guest has ever been on the show, If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to what would it be.

I think my law would be that you you, you cannot hurt another being. You cannot hurt them physically, you cannot hurt them emotionally, you cannot hurt them. You cannot hurt another another being. There's no reason, there's no difference, there's nothing that allows the physical or emotional or spiritual, you know, negligence or hurting of another being.

And then that's a great law. It's a great law. And then we'd actually have to look at why we'd want to hurt others and where that comes from, and then actually her as well.

That's that's incredible. I love that. That would be really amazing if we could look to that.

It's beautiful. At least you kids, Thank thank you so much. I always happy when I'm with you. I've always enjoyed collaborating and if only I could sing.

You know, it's a song, this is our song.

You know. I'm so grateful and I'm so excited for people to use keys cull Care and have access to it and to transform their heart, their soul, their mind, and their body through this beautiful new offering and even the intentionality. I was looking at how everything's called an offering. There's no products. It's called rituals, not just routines. Like I love all of that to it, and I think I do believe that physical and I'll call them products just for what I'm trying to say, but I think physical products are so important to remind us of what to do internally. Yes, and we do them every day.

We do call them product offering, so you can kind of like gel the ting together. But you're right, it's like the physical embodiment the embodying of the philosophy or the practice. And I love that and you live that. You guys live that. And thank you for this such such for these questions that also made me pause and think about how I wanted to share them. And I love this show. This show is so good. But you know that already because it's like a smash, so.

What the world? Thank you for trusting me absolutely so much. It's interesting you too, Thank you big love, amazing. If this is the year that you're trying to get creative, you're trying to build more, I need you to listen to this episode with Rick Rubin on how to break into your most creative self, how to use unconventional methods that lead to success, and the secret to genuinely loving what you do. If you're trying to find your passion and your lane, Rick Rubin's episode is the one for you. Just because I like it, that doesn't give it any value, like as an artist, if you like it, that's all of the value.

That's the success comes when you say I like this enough for other people to see it.