We spent our lives following the rules, following the guidelines, doing what was good, doing what was polite and right, even if we didn't feel aligned with ourselves, which naturally leads to anger, to tension, to stress. Notice how the suppression of anger develops tension and resentment. Hey, thank you so much for listening and tuning in today. Thank you for selecting this podcast and this episode to be here with me on on purpose. I don't take you for granted. I'm extremely grateful that you chose to be with me here today when you could have been anywhere in the world right now. And I appreciate you. I genuinely do, and in my heart of hearts, I hope that one day I get to meet you, I get to give you a big hug, and we get to be at a lie I have on purpose event. With the community that we've built over the last few years, it is mind blowing to me just how this community has doubled in strength in just the last couple of years. And I know how many of you are sharing these episodes talking about them, and I couldn't be more grateful. Now, today's episode is an important one. For as long as I've known. I've been fascinated by learning about personality types, about psychology, and about human behavior. And before we dive in, I want to talk a bit about why I think it's important to know and understand your personality type, your psychology, and your nature and how it impacts your behavior, your actions, your choices, and your decisions. And the reason I got fascinated is because I realized I loved learning about myself. How many of you love learning something about yourself. It's one of the reasons why we love astrology, or why we love doing personality tests or any sort of fun test that you see come up on social media where you're like, oh, let me learn what my weirdest guilty pleasure is or whatever it may be. Because self awareness is really fulfilling. Let me say that again. Self awareness is really fulfilling. And when we get to know ourselves, when we get to learn about ourselves, we're able to love, care, and deeply understand ourselves all those things that we want someone else to do. This is something that we get to do for ourselves. So let's dive into why it's important. The first thing is that knowing your personality type is important because it helps you understand why you think the way you do, why you are the way you are. You've developed certain traits through nature and nurture have led to this psychophysical position that you currently have, and then you start to be able to notice why you react in a certain way, why you're triggered in a certain way, why you move in a certain way. So it's really practical and powerful to get a deeper understanding of why your mind works the way it works. The next reason why it's really important to understand your personality type is you can do the same for others. You start to realize that everything's not that personal. You start to realize that not everything is directed towards you, that not everything that someone does or says is because it makes sense to you. It may not make sense with your rationale or your logic, but it makes sense to them because if their wiring. The third reason is that you can now change how you use your personality type. You can focus in on your strengths. You can double down on your superpowers. You can try to improve your weaknesses in areas that they may be limiting you or holding you back. You now have availability and accessibility to a whole new set of tools to transform your life. Learning about your personality type makes you a better communicator because you now know how to speak to someone in their personality language, not yours. One of the biggest challenges in our communication is we talk to people how we want to be spoken to, not how they want to be spoken to based on their emotions and wiring. Learning about your personality types makes it easier to make better decisions because you start recognizing which decisions are in an alignment with who you are, which parallels are there to unleash your potential, and learning about your personality type improves your emotional regulation. When you understand your personality typ you're able to better emotionally remain stable and regulated through all the ups and downs because you now recognize the patterns. Now, today, I'm going to be looking at a specific book called the Essential Aniogram, and this is the Definitive Personality Test and Self Discovery Guide by David Daniels, MD at the Stanford University Medical School. I'm using the anagram in this book because it simplifies it. It allows you to make it clear for this episode, but hopefully it's a great introduction into the niagram for you. Now some of you may be aware of the niag, some of you might not, and therefore I will start by first of all, just defining what ani agram is. Now. The aniagram, of course, is a personality system that helps us understand our different patterns of thinking, feeling, and acting. And the book goes on to say that anya is a Greek word for nine, and gram means a figure or something written. Hence, the eneagram personality system is represented by a diagram of nine pointed star within a circle. Each of these nine patterns and nine points forms one of the personality types. Today I will be giving you an overview of the different personality types. And if you grab this book, there's a test in it. There's lots of tests online as well to help you figure out which is yours. I'm going to leave that for you to do. But today I want to talk about the different types and talk about how learning about this could change how you behave at work, in life, and your relationships. So let's dive straight in. The first personality type is the perfectionist. Now, a word of caution, when I walk through this, you're going to be listening going that's me, Oh, that's me as well. Oh my gosh, I'm like four of these. The truth is we are all, of course a mixture and a blend of many of these, but we have one predominating one. At the same time, we have a certain sense of intention that guides and is the underlying principle to all of these. So sometimes you may have several similar behaviors, but the reason for that behavior is what the personality goes to. The reason goes to the root. So the first one is the perfectionist. The perfectionist belief is that we are all one and are perfect as we are. People are not accepted for who they are. Their good behavior is expected and taken for granted, their bad behavior and impulses are judged negatively and punished. Based on that belief, they have a strategy, which is I learn to gain love and self regard by being good, responsible, and conscientious, doing things the correct way, meeting my high internal standards and following the rules. I suppressed anger and developed tension and resentment. How many of us can align and identify with this. We spent our lives following the rules, following the guidelines, doing what was good, doing what was polite and right, even if we didn't feel aligned with ourselves, which naturally leads to anger, to tension, to stress. Notice how the suppression of anger, the book goes on to say, develops tension and resentment. And so because of this strategy a perfectionist, tension is on what is right, what is wrong, and what should be corrected, the rightness and wrongness of other people's behavior compared to theirs self criticism and others criticism of themselves, their blind spots and the gray zone between black and white, and often to both urge and desire. They put all their energy into getting things right, issues about integrity, and they do everything they can to avoid making mistakes. Notice how this goes beyond just being a perfectionist in a task. It becomes a way of life where all you focus on is on being right, getting things right, and doing things right. Now, we all know that things are not that black and white. We know things are not that clear. So what does that lead to? It leads to stress, And what causes you stress is not being able to quiet the internal critic and the associated anxiety and worried. You feel overburdened by a sense of personal responsibility and conscientiousness, and you start recognizing that a lot of that anger and defensiveness develops. Now, of course, there are strengths to this type as well, the strengths and integrity concerned for improvement, putting forth a lot of effort, idealism, self reliance, keeping of higher standards, self restraint. These are all qualities that David Daniels points out as the strength of the perfectionist, and their communication style is being precise, clear, direct, all positive things. Now, notice how the balance of this. When someone is in balance as a perfectionist, they can be highly powerful and impactful in society. I mean, most of us would say we need more people like this, but when the balance is tipped, when we're not sure what is right and wrong, this can also be very harmful. So, as always on this podcast, what I want to focus on, and the book does this beautifully, is how does this type focus on personal development? Observing the way you constantly monitor good and bad, Appreciating that there is more than one right way and that others wrong ways may simply be individual differences. Accepting imperfections in myself and others is what we need to focus on, Practicing forgiveness for ourselves and for others, and even on a deep level, questioning and refining the rules we live by. Do we really understand them? Are we fighting for right? Or do we deeply understand the rules? These are the pathways to personal development for this type, and what ends up hindering your personal development is that inner critic all over again, that doesn't let you accept yourself and doesn't let you accept others. It's constantly worrying about getting everything perfect and getting everything right. Now, raise your hand if you feel this is you. Raise your hand if you're you're constantly governed by right and wrong, not just do you think about it. Sometimes this is your mode of living, and take a second to be kinder to yourself, take a second to be conscious with yourself. Take a moment to forgive yourself and recognize that this is something you want to work on. You're not going to be hard on yourself. You're not going to strengthen that inner critic. And the way others can support your development is by encouraging you to go easy on yourself and to make time for yourself, providing you with a non judgmental viewpoint because that's what you struggle with. So you can literally tell your friends, hey, could you remind me to take it easier on myself. Could you remind me to not judge myself as strongly? This is type one. How many of you enjoying the sessions so far? I hope you are. I hope you're feeling that sense of reflection. You may even have a type point in your life and now you're feeling better equipped to deal with This book is fantastic. David Daniels The Essential Aneagram. I've had it for a ton of time. It beautifully gives you an intro into the aneagram, which you can then dive into deeper. Number two is the giver. How many of you are already thinking you're the giver? Their belief is to get you must give. To be loved, you must be needed. Their adaptive strategy is I learned to get my personal needs fulfilled by being needed and by giving others what I felt they needed and wanted, and I expected that they would then do the same for me. I developed feelings of pride in being indispensable. Wow, how many of you know a family member that has lived this way as a giver? How many of you know someone that gets their sense of value and self worth and self belief because they give they want to feel needed, they to feel useful. They may get territorial about certain things. So because of this strategy, their attention is on the needs and wants of others, especially if people they care about and would like to have more care about them. This obviously creates so many challenges. People can't always reciprocate in the same way, people can't always give back in the same way, and this person ends up putting their energy into sensing the emotional needs of others and doing what pleases them, feeling good about being able to meet others needs so well, and that's massively difficult, whether it's romantic relationship, family, or friendships. And they're trying to avoid disappointing others. They're trying to avoid feeling unappreciated, so they bend and they shift, and they break whatever it takes to feel needed. Now, the strengths is being giving and helpful, being generous. At the core, they are supportive, appreciative, and you may think, wow, this person is amazing because they love and care about me so much, not recognizing that they may want the same bag. Their communication style is friendly, expressive, but they can often tell you how they truly feel as well, now let's really talk about how to gain personal development in this regard, because we know we can already understand that there's stress and challenges that come with this approach, and sometimes they can have intense or sudden emotional outbursts saying that they don't feel re separcated, where it's saying that they don't feel loved, saying that they don't feel taken care of. So this person needs to realize that being loved does not depend on changing yourself for others. Gaining clarity about who the real meat is and about my own wants and needs, this is the key part. It's recognizing, well, what do I need, what do I want? And how can I give that to myself? If I'm such a giver, let me give to myself first, and let me not give to expect. Let me form relationships where there is natural reciprocity. Let me form relationships where I'm happy to maintain boundaries. And of course this would have to be a big focus area for this individual as well. Now I'm sharing the challenges because I think we all relate to the challenges more. But we have to realize this is also a beautiful mindset. If you have the ability to give. If you have the ability to love, that is one of the most beautiful gifts. But when we give to get, when we love to be loved back, that often feels empty and uncertain. So I want you to think about how you can give more credit to yourself, give more love to yourself, and at the same time, whenever you feel selfish, accepting that you can only give to others if you give to yourself first, learning to set healthier boundaries and barriers can be really, really protective. So that is type two. And if you're a type two or you know someone in your life that's a type two. The way to get support from others is appreciating my independent self instead of being seduced by or dependent on the help I give, paying attention to my real needs and asking about them. So if you have a friend who's always bending over backwards for you, reach out to them and ask them to take care of themselves next time they offer to go above and beyond for you, help them help themselves or go above and beyond for them, but be clear about the expectation you're setting as well. That is type number two. We've been getting so many amazing reviews for The Daily Jy, my new daily guided meditation series on the car Map. You might have heard a couple of snippets on the podcast for a few weeks, so in case you haven't had the chance to check it out, I just wanted to share this review from Caitlin, an elementary school teacher from New Jersey. He's what she had to say. I have over nine years of experience in the American public school education system, including teaching throughout the pandemic. Over the past two years, I have seen extreme cases of anxiety and my students like never before. Many of these children have never experienced these feelings before, and most are not even sure of what they are feeling. My school district has spent a great deal of time focusing on social emotional learning sel through this school year. We try to teach coping skills and focus on teaching kids how to deal with their feelings and become the best version of themselves. As someone who has also been experiencing the many anxieties of the world today, I have recently downloaded the car Map thanks to my mom. My mom and I are big fans of yours, and once she heard that you will have seven minutes of Daily Jay each day. She encouraged me in doing this. Your meaningful ideas and meditation have quickly become part of my daily routine, so much that I've begun incorporating some of them into my sel morning meetings with my third graders. If you've ever wanted to meditate with me, join me on the carm app for the Daily Jay, a daily guided meditation where I'll help you find calm in the chaos, plant beautiful intentions for a happy, abundant life, and simple steps for positive actions to get you closer to the life of your dreams. Meditate with me by going to calm dot com forward slash jay to get forty percent off a Calm Premium membership that's only forty two dollars for the whole year for a daily guided meditation experience the Daily j only on calm okay. The third type is known as the performer. They believe that everything works and gets done naturally according to universal laws, and they feel that they've learned to get love and approval by achieving success, by working hard to be the best, and by maintaining a good image. They believe they developed a self driving, go ahead energy that mast their own true feelings and their way of operating is all the things that have to be done, task goals and future achievements. The most efficient solutions how to be the best and getting things done quickly and efficiently, staying active and busy, competing, achieving recognition and credit for accomplishments, adjusting to whatever is required for success, promoting themselves looking good. They do everything they can to avoid failing to achieve their goals, being overshadowed by others, losing face, experiencing uncomfortable feelings. And their strengths are being personable, enthusiastic, leadership, self assurance. Again, as you can see, all of these personality types have lots of positive traits, But the thing that we don't recognize is that if we're not aware of the narrative that we've built or the story that we've built, often we can end up feeling worse even when we understand and it's about ourselves. Their communication style is direct, topic focused, fast paced, and confident. Now what causes them stress is the pressure that comes from basing how good they feel about themselves on how much they get done and on status, prestige and power. Not knowing their real feelings and values. So if you're one of these people and you want to be on top, knowing your true feelings and values and working towards your values, engaging that work ethic to something you really care about. Directing that towards your purpose is what purifies this personality type and makes you feel healthy. Other ideas for personal development are moderating your pace by practicing patients and allowing things to be as they are, welcoming their emotions, asking yourself what really matters, practicing looking inward for your own identity apart from sess and the expectation of others, setting limits and boundaries on work, allowing yourself to listen and be receptive. Notice how there is a way forward in each of these to have a great relationship with yourself. And what ends up happening is that because we are unaware of this, we push it aside and we don't give it the energy and the focus that it truly needs. Type four is the romantic. Now, this isn't about relationships. This is just how they think about life, a romantic view of life. So their belief is people experience a painful loss of their original connections, leaving them feeling abandoned and feeling that they are missing something important. They learn to keep searching for an ideal love or perfect circumstance to make them feel loved, whole and complete again. They developed feelings of longing and envy for what is missing, so they end up putting their energy into a range of intense feelings associated with what seems to be missing or lacking in life, finding love, meaning, and fulfillment through self expression and deep connection, endeavoring to be a unique individual. Their strengths are sensitivity, a creative orientation. We see a lot of musicians in this field, a lot of poets, a lot of artists. They have a capacity to empathize with suffering. How many times have you listened to a musician or an artist, or a friend who plays an instrument and you just think they understand me, They know how I feel. This person has emotional depth, authenticity and introspection. It's why so often we feel so understood by musicians, but why they don't feel understood. They communicate through expressive feelings, often personal and self focused. They can be self absorbed, They can be dramatic at times, and what causes them stress is people and experiences not living up to their romantic ideals or their desire for intensity. They can envy what others have that they do not have, or what they are that they are not. Now, how does this person move forward focusing on what is positive in life right now rather than what is missing, maintaining a consistent course of action despite fluctuating and intense feelings, cultivating happiness in others in order to become less self absorbed, delaying reactive action until intense emotions begin to subside. And if you know someone like this, encourage them to keep their attention on what is positive in the present. Okay, so personality five, there's nine altogether. We may or may not get through all of them today. I may need a part two That step five is the observer. Now, the observer has learned to protect themselves from intrusive demands and being drained of their resources by becoming private and self sufficient. They do this by limiting their desires and wants, and by accumulating a lot of knowledge. They developed a sense of avarice, but only for things they could not do without. Now, this person puts their energy into retracting in order to observe learning all there is to know about a subject, thinking and analyzing in advance, dampening and reducing feelings, remaining self contained to conserve energy, maintaining sufficient privacy boundaries and limits, and their strengths a scholarliness, being knowledgeable, thoughtfulness, calmness and crisis, being respectful, keeping confidences, dependability, appreciation of simplicity. Now, what causes this person's stress is failing to maintain sufficient privacy boundaries and limits. And the way this person can move forward is allowing them to experience feelings instead of detaching and retracting into their mind. Notice how so many of us are hiding our feelings for different reasons. So so far, we've gone through nearly five personality types. Notice how some are hiding their feelings because they're focused on success. Others are hiding their feelings because they're focused on knowledge. So we start realizing that we're all hiding our feelings, but we're hiding them for different reasons. And when we become aware of their underlying reason, that's when we can truly make shifts. Another thing for their personal development is taking action in the realization that they have ample energy and support to carry it off. Finding ways to engage in conversation, to express themselves and to reveal personal matters. Hence, a lot of observers need therapy or coaching in order to create that safe space, to be more vulnerable, to be more honest, and to be more open. Okay. Number six is known as the loyal skeptic. Now, this one has developed one of two strategies to seek security and certainty phobic or accommodating stance. While I became doubting, vigilant and questioning, I also learned to obey authority and to avoid perceived threats and hazards or counterphobic or challenging stance. While I became doubting, vigilant and questioning, I also learned to defy authority and to battle perceived threats and hazards. This person puts their energy into doubting, testing, looking for double messages, fingering things out through logical analysis, playing the devil's advocate. We all have that one friend who says, I just want to play Devil's advocate here right, gaining security by obtaining the good will of others. Their strengths include trustworthiness, loyalty, thoughtfulness, questioning. It can be a really powerful skill, but sometimes of course, it can become stressful if they put pressure on themselves in their efforts to deal with uncertainty insecurity. They struggle with feeling that lack and what makes them angry is untrustworthiness betrayal. Now, how did these people move forward with their personal development? Being and acting as my own authority? Reclaiming faith in myself, others, and the universe, Accepting that some uncertainty and insecurity is a natural part of life, checking out my fears and concerns with others, Recognizing that staying busy is a way to reduce awareness of anxiety, and recognizing that both fight and flight are reactions to fear. So today we've covered six of the Enneagram personality types, and there are nine in total. I would definitely do a part two. If you like this episode, make sure you let me know in the reviews, make sure you tag me on Instagram, and let me know that you want a part two of this to go over the other three. Remember, I was reading from David Daniel's book The Essential Niagram. It's a short book, really simple, and I really wanted to focus on it today because I think it covers so much ground in such simplicity. I really hope this episode helped you today. I'm so grateful to each and every one of you for listening. I can't wait for part two and I'll see you soon. Thanks for listening, everyone,

We spent our lives following the rules, following the guidelines, doing what was good, doing what was polite and right, even if we didn't feel aligned with ourselves, which naturally leads to anger, to tension, to stress. Notice how the suppression of anger develops tension and resentment. Hey, thank you so much for listening and tuning in today. Thank you for selecting this podcast and this episode to be here with me on on purpose. I don't take you for granted. I'm extremely grateful that you chose to be with me here today when you could have been anywhere in the world right now. And I appreciate you. I genuinely do, and in my heart of hearts, I hope that one day I get to meet you, I get to give you a big hug, and we get to be at a lie I have on purpose event. With the community that we've built over the last few years, it is mind blowing to me just how this community has doubled in strength in just the last couple of years. And I know how many of you are sharing these episodes talking about them, and I couldn't be more grateful. Now, today's episode is an important one. For as long as I've known. I've been fascinated by learning about personality types, about psychology, and about human behavior. And before we dive in, I want to talk a bit about why I think it's important to know and understand your personality type, your psychology, and your nature and how it impacts your behavior, your actions, your choices, and your decisions. And the reason I got fascinated is because I realized I loved learning about myself. How many of you love learning something about yourself. It's one of the reasons why we love astrology, or why we love doing personality tests or any sort of fun test that you see come up on social media where you're like, oh, let me learn what my weirdest guilty pleasure is or whatever it may be. Because self awareness is really fulfilling. Let me say that again. Self awareness is really fulfilling. And when we get to know ourselves, when we get to learn about ourselves, we're able to love, care, and deeply understand ourselves all those things that we want someone else to do. This is something that we get to do for ourselves. So let's dive into why it's important. The first thing is that knowing your personality type is important because it helps you understand why you think the way you do, why you are the way you are. You've developed certain traits through nature and nurture have led to this psychophysical position that you currently have, and then you start to be able to notice why you react in a certain way, why you're triggered in a certain way, why you move in a certain way. So it's really practical and powerful to get a deeper understanding of why your mind works the way it works. The next reason why it's really important to understand your personality type is you can do the same for others. You start to realize that everything's not that personal. You start to realize that not everything is directed towards you, that not everything that someone does or says is because it makes sense to you. It may not make sense with your rationale or your logic, but it makes sense to them because if their wiring. The third reason is that you can now change how you use your personality type. You can focus in on your strengths. You can double down on your superpowers. You can try to improve your weaknesses in areas that they may be limiting you or holding you back. You now have availability and accessibility to a whole new set of tools to transform your life. Learning about your personality type makes you a better communicator because you now know how to speak to someone in their personality language, not yours. One of the biggest challenges in our communication is we talk to people how we want to be spoken to, not how they want to be spoken to based on their emotions and wiring. Learning about your personality types makes it easier to make better decisions because you start recognizing which decisions are in an alignment with who you are, which parallels are there to unleash your potential, and learning about your personality type improves your emotional regulation. When you understand your personality typ you're able to better emotionally remain stable and regulated through all the ups and downs because you now recognize the patterns. Now, today, I'm going to be looking at a specific book called the Essential Aniogram, and this is the Definitive Personality Test and Self Discovery Guide by David Daniels, MD at the Stanford University Medical School. I'm using the anagram in this book because it simplifies it. It allows you to make it clear for this episode, but hopefully it's a great introduction into the niagram for you. Now some of you may be aware of the niag, some of you might not, and therefore I will start by first of all, just defining what ani agram is. Now. The aniagram, of course, is a personality system that helps us understand our different patterns of thinking, feeling, and acting. And the book goes on to say that anya is a Greek word for nine, and gram means a figure or something written. Hence, the eneagram personality system is represented by a diagram of nine pointed star within a circle. Each of these nine patterns and nine points forms one of the personality types. Today I will be giving you an overview of the different personality types. And if you grab this book, there's a test in it. There's lots of tests online as well to help you figure out which is yours. I'm going to leave that for you to do. But today I want to talk about the different types and talk about how learning about this could change how you behave at work, in life, and your relationships. So let's dive straight in. The first personality type is the perfectionist. Now, a word of caution, when I walk through this, you're going to be listening going that's me, Oh, that's me as well. Oh my gosh, I'm like four of these. The truth is we are all, of course a mixture and a blend of many of these, but we have one predominating one. At the same time, we have a certain sense of intention that guides and is the underlying principle to all of these. So sometimes you may have several similar behaviors, but the reason for that behavior is what the personality goes to. The reason goes to the root. So the first one is the perfectionist. The perfectionist belief is that we are all one and are perfect as we are. People are not accepted for who they are. Their good behavior is expected and taken for granted, their bad behavior and impulses are judged negatively and punished. Based on that belief, they have a strategy, which is I learn to gain love and self regard by being good, responsible, and conscientious, doing things the correct way, meeting my high internal standards and following the rules. I suppressed anger and developed tension and resentment. How many of us can align and identify with this. We spent our lives following the rules, following the guidelines, doing what was good, doing what was polite and right, even if we didn't feel aligned with ourselves, which naturally leads to anger, to tension, to stress. Notice how the suppression of anger, the book goes on to say, develops tension and resentment. And so because of this strategy a perfectionist, tension is on what is right, what is wrong, and what should be corrected, the rightness and wrongness of other people's behavior compared to theirs self criticism and others criticism of themselves, their blind spots and the gray zone between black and white, and often to both urge and desire. They put all their energy into getting things right, issues about integrity, and they do everything they can to avoid making mistakes. Notice how this goes beyond just being a perfectionist in a task. It becomes a way of life where all you focus on is on being right, getting things right, and doing things right. Now, we all know that things are not that black and white. We know things are not that clear. So what does that lead to? It leads to stress, And what causes you stress is not being able to quiet the internal critic and the associated anxiety and worried. You feel overburdened by a sense of personal responsibility and conscientiousness, and you start recognizing that a lot of that anger and defensiveness develops. Now, of course, there are strengths to this type as well, the strengths and integrity concerned for improvement, putting forth a lot of effort, idealism, self reliance, keeping of higher standards, self restraint. These are all qualities that David Daniels points out as the strength of the perfectionist, and their communication style is being precise, clear, direct, all positive things. Now, notice how the balance of this. When someone is in balance as a perfectionist, they can be highly powerful and impactful in society. I mean, most of us would say we need more people like this, but when the balance is tipped, when we're not sure what is right and wrong, this can also be very harmful. So, as always on this podcast, what I want to focus on, and the book does this beautifully, is how does this type focus on personal development? Observing the way you constantly monitor good and bad, Appreciating that there is more than one right way and that others wrong ways may simply be individual differences. Accepting imperfections in myself and others is what we need to focus on, Practicing forgiveness for ourselves and for others, and even on a deep level, questioning and refining the rules we live by. Do we really understand them? Are we fighting for right? Or do we deeply understand the rules? These are the pathways to personal development for this type, and what ends up hindering your personal development is that inner critic all over again, that doesn't let you accept yourself and doesn't let you accept others. It's constantly worrying about getting everything perfect and getting everything right. Now, raise your hand if you feel this is you. Raise your hand if you're you're constantly governed by right and wrong, not just do you think about it. Sometimes this is your mode of living, and take a second to be kinder to yourself, take a second to be conscious with yourself. Take a moment to forgive yourself and recognize that this is something you want to work on. You're not going to be hard on yourself. You're not going to strengthen that inner critic. And the way others can support your development is by encouraging you to go easy on yourself and to make time for yourself, providing you with a non judgmental viewpoint because that's what you struggle with. So you can literally tell your friends, hey, could you remind me to take it easier on myself. Could you remind me to not judge myself as strongly? This is type one. How many of you enjoying the sessions so far? I hope you are. I hope you're feeling that sense of reflection. You may even have a type point in your life and now you're feeling better equipped to deal with This book is fantastic. David Daniels The Essential Aneagram. I've had it for a ton of time. It beautifully gives you an intro into the aneagram, which you can then dive into deeper. Number two is the giver. How many of you are already thinking you're the giver? Their belief is to get you must give. To be loved, you must be needed. Their adaptive strategy is I learned to get my personal needs fulfilled by being needed and by giving others what I felt they needed and wanted, and I expected that they would then do the same for me. I developed feelings of pride in being indispensable. Wow, how many of you know a family member that has lived this way as a giver? How many of you know someone that gets their sense of value and self worth and self belief because they give they want to feel needed, they to feel useful. They may get territorial about certain things. So because of this strategy, their attention is on the needs and wants of others, especially if people they care about and would like to have more care about them. This obviously creates so many challenges. People can't always reciprocate in the same way, people can't always give back in the same way, and this person ends up putting their energy into sensing the emotional needs of others and doing what pleases them, feeling good about being able to meet others needs so well, and that's massively difficult, whether it's romantic relationship, family, or friendships. And they're trying to avoid disappointing others. They're trying to avoid feeling unappreciated, so they bend and they shift, and they break whatever it takes to feel needed. Now, the strengths is being giving and helpful, being generous. At the core, they are supportive, appreciative, and you may think, wow, this person is amazing because they love and care about me so much, not recognizing that they may want the same bag. Their communication style is friendly, expressive, but they can often tell you how they truly feel as well, now let's really talk about how to gain personal development in this regard, because we know we can already understand that there's stress and challenges that come with this approach, and sometimes they can have intense or sudden emotional outbursts saying that they don't feel re separcated, where it's saying that they don't feel loved, saying that they don't feel taken care of. So this person needs to realize that being loved does not depend on changing yourself for others. Gaining clarity about who the real meat is and about my own wants and needs, this is the key part. It's recognizing, well, what do I need, what do I want? And how can I give that to myself? If I'm such a giver, let me give to myself first, and let me not give to expect. Let me form relationships where there is natural reciprocity. Let me form relationships where I'm happy to maintain boundaries. And of course this would have to be a big focus area for this individual as well. Now I'm sharing the challenges because I think we all relate to the challenges more. But we have to realize this is also a beautiful mindset. If you have the ability to give. If you have the ability to love, that is one of the most beautiful gifts. But when we give to get, when we love to be loved back, that often feels empty and uncertain. So I want you to think about how you can give more credit to yourself, give more love to yourself, and at the same time, whenever you feel selfish, accepting that you can only give to others if you give to yourself first, learning to set healthier boundaries and barriers can be really, really protective. So that is type two. And if you're a type two or you know someone in your life that's a type two. The way to get support from others is appreciating my independent self instead of being seduced by or dependent on the help I give, paying attention to my real needs and asking about them. So if you have a friend who's always bending over backwards for you, reach out to them and ask them to take care of themselves next time they offer to go above and beyond for you, help them help themselves or go above and beyond for them, but be clear about the expectation you're setting as well. That is type number two. We've been getting so many amazing reviews for The Daily Jy, my new daily guided meditation series on the car Map. You might have heard a couple of snippets on the podcast for a few weeks, so in case you haven't had the chance to check it out, I just wanted to share this review from Caitlin, an elementary school teacher from New Jersey. He's what she had to say. I have over nine years of experience in the American public school education system, including teaching throughout the pandemic. Over the past two years, I have seen extreme cases of anxiety and my students like never before. Many of these children have never experienced these feelings before, and most are not even sure of what they are feeling. My school district has spent a great deal of time focusing on social emotional learning sel through this school year. We try to teach coping skills and focus on teaching kids how to deal with their feelings and become the best version of themselves. As someone who has also been experiencing the many anxieties of the world today, I have recently downloaded the car Map thanks to my mom. My mom and I are big fans of yours, and once she heard that you will have seven minutes of Daily Jay each day. She encouraged me in doing this. Your meaningful ideas and meditation have quickly become part of my daily routine, so much that I've begun incorporating some of them into my sel morning meetings with my third graders. If you've ever wanted to meditate with me, join me on the carm app for the Daily Jay, a daily guided meditation where I'll help you find calm in the chaos, plant beautiful intentions for a happy, abundant life, and simple steps for positive actions to get you closer to the life of your dreams. Meditate with me by going to calm dot com forward slash jay to get forty percent off a Calm Premium membership that's only forty two dollars for the whole year for a daily guided meditation experience the Daily j only on calm okay. The third type is known as the performer. They believe that everything works and gets done naturally according to universal laws, and they feel that they've learned to get love and approval by achieving success, by working hard to be the best, and by maintaining a good image. They believe they developed a self driving, go ahead energy that mast their own true feelings and their way of operating is all the things that have to be done, task goals and future achievements. The most efficient solutions how to be the best and getting things done quickly and efficiently, staying active and busy, competing, achieving recognition and credit for accomplishments, adjusting to whatever is required for success, promoting themselves looking good. They do everything they can to avoid failing to achieve their goals, being overshadowed by others, losing face, experiencing uncomfortable feelings. And their strengths are being personable, enthusiastic, leadership, self assurance. Again, as you can see, all of these personality types have lots of positive traits, But the thing that we don't recognize is that if we're not aware of the narrative that we've built or the story that we've built, often we can end up feeling worse even when we understand and it's about ourselves. Their communication style is direct, topic focused, fast paced, and confident. Now what causes them stress is the pressure that comes from basing how good they feel about themselves on how much they get done and on status, prestige and power. Not knowing their real feelings and values. So if you're one of these people and you want to be on top, knowing your true feelings and values and working towards your values, engaging that work ethic to something you really care about. Directing that towards your purpose is what purifies this personality type and makes you feel healthy. Other ideas for personal development are moderating your pace by practicing patients and allowing things to be as they are, welcoming their emotions, asking yourself what really matters, practicing looking inward for your own identity apart from sess and the expectation of others, setting limits and boundaries on work, allowing yourself to listen and be receptive. Notice how there is a way forward in each of these to have a great relationship with yourself. And what ends up happening is that because we are unaware of this, we push it aside and we don't give it the energy and the focus that it truly needs. Type four is the romantic. Now, this isn't about relationships. This is just how they think about life, a romantic view of life. So their belief is people experience a painful loss of their original connections, leaving them feeling abandoned and feeling that they are missing something important. They learn to keep searching for an ideal love or perfect circumstance to make them feel loved, whole and complete again. They developed feelings of longing and envy for what is missing, so they end up putting their energy into a range of intense feelings associated with what seems to be missing or lacking in life, finding love, meaning, and fulfillment through self expression and deep connection, endeavoring to be a unique individual. Their strengths are sensitivity, a creative orientation. We see a lot of musicians in this field, a lot of poets, a lot of artists. They have a capacity to empathize with suffering. How many times have you listened to a musician or an artist, or a friend who plays an instrument and you just think they understand me, They know how I feel. This person has emotional depth, authenticity and introspection. It's why so often we feel so understood by musicians, but why they don't feel understood. They communicate through expressive feelings, often personal and self focused. They can be self absorbed, They can be dramatic at times, and what causes them stress is people and experiences not living up to their romantic ideals or their desire for intensity. They can envy what others have that they do not have, or what they are that they are not. Now, how does this person move forward focusing on what is positive in life right now rather than what is missing, maintaining a consistent course of action despite fluctuating and intense feelings, cultivating happiness in others in order to become less self absorbed, delaying reactive action until intense emotions begin to subside. And if you know someone like this, encourage them to keep their attention on what is positive in the present. Okay, so personality five, there's nine altogether. We may or may not get through all of them today. I may need a part two That step five is the observer. Now, the observer has learned to protect themselves from intrusive demands and being drained of their resources by becoming private and self sufficient. They do this by limiting their desires and wants, and by accumulating a lot of knowledge. They developed a sense of avarice, but only for things they could not do without. Now, this person puts their energy into retracting in order to observe learning all there is to know about a subject, thinking and analyzing in advance, dampening and reducing feelings, remaining self contained to conserve energy, maintaining sufficient privacy boundaries and limits, and their strengths a scholarliness, being knowledgeable, thoughtfulness, calmness and crisis, being respectful, keeping confidences, dependability, appreciation of simplicity. Now, what causes this person's stress is failing to maintain sufficient privacy boundaries and limits. And the way this person can move forward is allowing them to experience feelings instead of detaching and retracting into their mind. Notice how so many of us are hiding our feelings for different reasons. So so far, we've gone through nearly five personality types. Notice how some are hiding their feelings because they're focused on success. Others are hiding their feelings because they're focused on knowledge. So we start realizing that we're all hiding our feelings, but we're hiding them for different reasons. And when we become aware of their underlying reason, that's when we can truly make shifts. Another thing for their personal development is taking action in the realization that they have ample energy and support to carry it off. Finding ways to engage in conversation, to express themselves and to reveal personal matters. Hence, a lot of observers need therapy or coaching in order to create that safe space, to be more vulnerable, to be more honest, and to be more open. Okay. Number six is known as the loyal skeptic. Now, this one has developed one of two strategies to seek security and certainty phobic or accommodating stance. While I became doubting, vigilant and questioning, I also learned to obey authority and to avoid perceived threats and hazards or counterphobic or challenging stance. While I became doubting, vigilant and questioning, I also learned to defy authority and to battle perceived threats and hazards. This person puts their energy into doubting, testing, looking for double messages, fingering things out through logical analysis, playing the devil's advocate. We all have that one friend who says, I just want to play Devil's advocate here right, gaining security by obtaining the good will of others. Their strengths include trustworthiness, loyalty, thoughtfulness, questioning. It can be a really powerful skill, but sometimes of course, it can become stressful if they put pressure on themselves in their efforts to deal with uncertainty insecurity. They struggle with feeling that lack and what makes them angry is untrustworthiness betrayal. Now, how did these people move forward with their personal development? Being and acting as my own authority? Reclaiming faith in myself, others, and the universe, Accepting that some uncertainty and insecurity is a natural part of life, checking out my fears and concerns with others, Recognizing that staying busy is a way to reduce awareness of anxiety, and recognizing that both fight and flight are reactions to fear. So today we've covered six of the Enneagram personality types, and there are nine in total. I would definitely do a part two. If you like this episode, make sure you let me know in the reviews, make sure you tag me on Instagram, and let me know that you want a part two of this to go over the other three. Remember, I was reading from David Daniel's book The Essential Niagram. It's a short book, really simple, and I really wanted to focus on it today because I think it covers so much ground in such simplicity. I really hope this episode helped you today. I'm so grateful to each and every one of you for listening. I can't wait for part two and I'll see you soon. Thanks for listening, everyone,