No, no, who are you wearing? Who will then be pressed? Tone? Yeah, and Bryan I hearing last. They be in this and they've got lots of podocast But honey, no, no, no, no monograbies. We're leaving them the camel life like celebrities and sharing out my favorite baby bit recipees. But no, no, no, no hotographs, no auto got manage, I got no autograph, No autograph please, no autograph. Arno did do your contouring, thank you so much. My cat Mittens did at this morning. It looks gorge. I picked her from the shelter because she had thombs and I was like, if you're coming home with me, you better work, honey, and she can beat a face. Hello and welcome to the first episode ever. Yeah, of no autographs please? Did you have to sign any on the way here? You know what? It was really awkward. I got stopped by a couple of birds between my front house and I did the press. I think the press is here? Did you? And my name is Arta Marine. I'm with my best friend Brian Sofie. Hi, beautiful baby boy, now arden m Hi, we're doing your podcast. Okay, did you have to sign? Did you have to sign? Autographs this morning. I only had to sign one autograph this morning, and it was technically a bill, but it was a bill for something pretty cool. Would you buy energy? It was my gas bill, so I was super pumped about that. Yeah, Anna is also here with us by doctor Banana. Hello, no autographs please, Gianna. I felt like when we were at Bravo Con together, people wanted doctor Banana's autograph. Yes, okay, okay, great, So here we are, Brian. Now let's just introduce ourselves to our listeners in our friendship. Okay, Arden and I actually the hey we mess awful. It was actually the day after your dad died, I think was it on Twitter? And Arden DM to me. I love that. I was like, hey, listen, my dad just died. I'm looking for her friends. She goes and she goes, I think you're really funny. I heard you on Laura Law. Do you do when your dad dies? You go onto what already made friends? And then we met and she finally she goes, this is so great, Like she goes, I had literally never heard of you. She was, and then we would like other people like this is Bryan. You know, I had never I didn't even know who he was. I never heard of him. Look, I was out of my mind. But look, because I think I'd gone, I didn't know what to do with myself. No, it was hard. So I went. I got a manicure, and I listened to you with Laura Lobkins, and you played Bobby Bobby Brown. Yeah, that's right, you're Bobby Bobby Brown, the male makeup, the male makeup air. And I became obsessed with you, and I hunted you down. I like, you're the only person who'se DMS I've ever slid into so rudely, by the way, it was wonderful. And then we became friends, and we've become such good friends. We vacation together. We vacation. We freeload from my brother in Rude Island. We do. We take over his house for like a month, for like literally a month every summer, and we are we live like raccoons, like none of neither of us know us how to cook. We belong, we don't belong. Now we get invited to the golf club, the tennis club, but we have to pretend to be married. Yes, we have to tend to be so I'm always like, so I'm all over here, yes, of course. And we so it's like a town where you kind of have to know Pete like in order to get access to things. So we sneak in. We pretend to be married. We're a married couple. We went to a yacht party when we were there called Yaddi by Nature. There was a band called Yaddi by Nature. Was the waspiest Yeah, get out, yes, wonder yes, actually everyone was very lovely. But then the band was called Anchor Management. Anchor Management. All I know is this. Yeah. I walked by an elderly couple. First of all, the woman and the couple had cheated at tennis that morning. Yeah, she's probably with us fifty five and I was playing it gets short, I was getting so white full saltem Yeah, and she's talking to I assume her husband, yes, And as I walk by her, she looks at her husband and she goes. You think Little Women is the worst book ever written? Now that that that Yadi by Nature, that Anchor Management. And I thought to myself, you know what, this is a successful marriage. And Luisa may Alcott wrote this book for the husband. By the way, you know what that is. That's a real no autographs please, energy that's a real no autographs please energy. So the reason Arden and I have decided to do no Autographs Please, and sort of the theme of the show, yes, is how we handle fame. We handle fame, but also we really don't we really appreciate people who don't give a fuck. Well, I feel like both of us come from like we both sometimes can be hard on ourselves. Yeah, and we do love pop culture, we love glamour. We're rabid consumers of pop culture. But beyond that, like so sometimes you'll see in pop culture and in your life people that seem to navigate the world with such delusional confidence. It's one I am actually so envious of it, That's what I'm saying. So we're very hard on ourselves. I think we're extra hard on ourselves and that probably are. And I feel like getting that energy g so like of that kind of like you know what that faked tea to make it no like like Rachel energy, yes you know or I exactly yes, yeah, just delusional confident and delusional and confident. I mean I do stand up and sometimes you'll like sometimes you'll be these stand ups, like these kind of bros like and again some of them regret, but like the ones that like you just watched the set and like like it was fine, and honestly, I have plenty of sets and rushing but like he'll come on people how to like I fucking killed it. I crushed it a miller like crushed it. I thought, how do so we want to harm us? Now you saw a woman one time wearing a sweatshirt? Oh yeah, one time? Okay, tell me. But I will say that the reason we're going into this is because we do feel like we have some no autographs, please honor reads. These are people who really give off great no yes, please energy. Yes, these aren't. So if you are looking like who can be somebody that I'm looking to to bring some no autographs, pluse energy. Really honestly, you have to write us and tell us because we will honor them on the show. That each get a trophy center that emails who you want to or tweet to us who you want to honor with the no autographs, please energy. We have some like old school classics. There's there's an old school classic. Well, our first inductee, yes, Hilaria Baldwin, Yes, Hilaria. People say, isn't that too topical? And I say, absolutely not. Don't think she's going to stop anytime soon. Here's the thing that's I remember. She was the holiday. She was a Christmas she was like Christmas camera. It was right around Christmas when people are like, she's in Spanish. I love it. Her name is like Hilary whatever, Swank, Swan, Hilary Swink. She's from Massachusetts. Hilary Swank, by the way, is a phenomenal character actress, phenomenal. She would be a great Hilaria, would be a great Hilaria. So it turned out they're like, she's literally from like around where I grew up. She's she's from like the Massachusetts area. Yea. And she is pretending to be Spanish because her she went on like a trip was to like like yes, like Barcelona or something Athlona. And then so there's videos of her on the Today Show this is back in the day doing a cooking segment where she was like going trying to like find the word for cucumber, but she couldn't remember in English. She was like, you say cook, They're like cucumber, Yeah, yes, yes, cucumber. That it's like you're from Boston, so brilliant. And then she's still doing it like she just did it and she got called out. She's like, oh, that's right, I forgot. I only went there for like a couple of weeks. And then now that she's back in actually with the accent, she's like, please, can you imagine being called out like that and you absolutely just don't stop it? Truly is goals for me. It's incredible and just be like edge, double down and did you sexy yoga poses? Like incredible. I now am insistent on my Hillary Swank Silaria idea, and I actually think it could be part documentary, yeah, part narrative, and it's Hillary versus Hilaria. It's like Julie and Julia, except we get to see Hilary Swank during the day and then Hilaria at night, and we get to see which is, you know, a little little little more ter No, I have to say, you just made eye contact with our guests, and I know we weren't planning on bringing him in till a little bit later, but there's a part of me that is dying to her thoughts on no autographs please energy. So we just introduced our future guest, who introduced who's going to be playing with us today, the one and only you know him, He's fucking no, he's a genius. You've seen him on bobs Burgers, Yes, of course, You've seen him on Drunk History, You've seen him on anything that's worth laughing. He had this brilliant show that I saw in Los Angeles before I got moved to New York class year called Happy Birthday Dog. But like, he's brilliant. We love him so much, ladies and gentlemen. Drew Drow, Gay Drew, I'm dying over here. I'm like, it's pretty much like cough a little bit, give us a ten minutes on Hilaria, give us like what like the energy? Sadly, I've not followed her that much, but did you know that she's fake Spanish? Yes, I did know about the fake Spanish thing. I didn't know about the cucumber thing. I did see the video like she's screaming about like it please recently, and it is like, yes, on one hand, like their family is going going through absolute hell right now, but it's also like it feels like there is part of her that's like really enjoying. It's like yes, please, but it's also I'm amazed at people like I'm amazed with like Austin Butler, who's just decided he's eldus. Now he's decided he's a gangster. He's right like Canada, he's cannybe what's he doing? Well? Like Ryan Gosling talks like Robert de Niro now and it's like these actors that are just like, I'm taking on this personality. Yeah, he used to be Mickey Mouse whatever, Mickey Mouse exactly. He was Orlando's Mickey. He was in the Mickey Mouse Gang. Yeah, they run a tight ship at CityWalk. They does troll up and down City Walk. Recently someone who got married yes at Disneyland, which to me is hell yeah. If I like the love of my life, if he was like, we're gonna get married at Disney and then I'm we're out, I will be I'll bet Vegas this weekend. And they're like, you can get married. We did the gondola at the Venetians. That's so they're like, you can get married on the white boat. And they're like, we can get you married in thirteen minutes. Okay, that's just in time for a crab buffet. Like I saw I saw a T shirt that was I'm sorry. Just there was a T shirt that was waiting outside in Vegas that was called, um it was like it literally said farts loading zone and it was loading and that was like on that was like they put it on means like loading all the food for farts to happen later. It was literally on the mannequin outside the store. That poor mannequin. She didn't ask for that. No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Fart now loading, fart now loading. And that was so hot. And they're like, we just put this out every morning. That No, that's a lot of rests. Please energy. Really No, I have bad news. I have that shirt you have Partnerland. I bought it Vegas, No, what I bought on Amazon while back. Wow, that's amazing. I mean I love I wanted it. Did you wear it yet? Have you worn it? No? Closet So Disneyland to the marriage. Okay, two things, I guess if we're going farne T shirts yeah, T shirt chokes, Yeah, one T shirt. I saw Disneyland the last disney World. The last time I was there, which I've only been twice. You love it? I don't, actually, But the last time I was there, there was a T shirt they were selling with Pinocchio had the long nose like Mideah lying. He was lying, and the shirt said I didn't come here for the churosa hilarious, So I guess he did. He did. That's an Yeah, that's excessive. That maybe his nose as I wanted to buy it so badly, but I didn't. But the other eight by ten wedding photo I saw, yes, eight by ten yes, in a cubicle. Yes, okay, yeah that I I don't want to get into the backstory, but I was in this office building up a Saturday, so no one else, Yes, you're I had to pick something up from somewhere and I happened to have the skeleton key. This is actually a true story recently. Okay, great, okay, Brian works on accounts payable undercover though ye don't tell anyone, say so. This eight by ten foot on this woman's desk. She was in a full bedding dress at Disney Bolt. Her veil, yeah, was a white Mickey mass hat with a veil and it was like an ears and ears veil. It was all sewn together. She walked down the aisle like this, and I could not believe I could not believe my eyes. And I thought to myself, did she did she have adult braces? You know what? It was hard to tell if you want to hide your adult braces, put on giant Mickey Mouse ears as you walked down the aisle, because that's all people will be looking. No, what was how weird? And it was attached to the veil. Yes, it was like a piece. It was one big piece. Yeah, white ears. And I thought to myself, first of all, we know you're a virgin. Yeah, yeah, yea. Truly the picture was various. They were looking each other very seriously. It was actually very romantic. I mean. But also if you have a big wedding, but you can't have a big wedding party because you're blocking out so many people behind your ears, it could be near you or behind the side that the ears like take over. I have a big question. Yeah, that I think relates to everything we've talked about. Was Mickey Mouse supposed to be funny because he's not? He's not he supposed to be I doctor Banana, I think, wasn't it sort of? I mean, you know, I thought Donald was the funny rascal and Mickey was the nice Goofy's the funny one Goofy's. Yeah, I think it was like you're supposed to relate to Mickey. I think I don't think he was sort of like he was just like an every man, right, No, I think you're right. Okay, Women, before we get to our next what is this switshirt that you saw? Oh you'll love this is your drugge character. There was a woman This was real, no autographs, Sui's energy. There was a woman at the grocery store and recently, yes, of course. And I love a statement piece, and I love a literal statement on a shirt. Yeah, and this was I think of you every time I see one on screen. Grabs so many of them had send them to maybe fun. I can't remember if I've told you this. There's a woman at the grocery store. Which store, which grocery store? Coilson's bangs all around her head, short crop, it's a headful of trim, headful trim. Yeah. I was obviously like watching her because and you could see from a distance her shirt had something on it, like letters on it. And I thought to myself, like, oh, I gotta go see what business. So I walked by her in whatever I'll remember what he was buying some different you know, um ornaments. I don't know if there was Christmas ornaments gel. He loves it. He's very rich. I don't know. I don't know. Please please, I understand um. Anyway, so I passed by her in the front of her shirt and said, I sure do you miss teaching kindergarten? And I was like, oh, that's sweet. I guess yeah. And then I walked past because you know, you go like this. Yeah, there was another message on the back, take about five paces, and I think to myself, there's another side of the birthday around. I felt it. Yeah, So I turned around. On the back, in all caps with an exclamation point, it says, oh wait, no, I don't look no, a lot of grounds please honest honestly. And I thought to myself, you hate those kids so much that you had that T shirt. You're wearing it like on a Saturdays is a bougie is a very plea boogie grocery store. Julia Roberts could never Yeah, you're like gonna be seen by somebody. You're like, I I paid to print this up. Yeah, I can you imagine you see Julia Roberts and a shirt says God, I love making pretty woman. Oh wait, no I didn't. Okay, so I still whatever I have time, I love going back and teaching. And I'm such a I've become such a kram just angry crust of a teacher. And it's not about like talent or improv and how dare you, but like they're just certain things that drive me crazy, as as as an rapidly aging man that I just get like stop it. And I had this thing about and it's also like post zoom where people don't know, like they are on stage and they turn and they look at the teacher, like when I'm giving notes, they look at you, and it's so unsettling. It's like so disconcerting. Yeah, when students are in a scene and they turn and they look at you, and I this is so in thema that because I would always I would go, don't look at me, don't look at me. Yeah, because I go, okay, go to the fourth wall, grab this, wait, freeze she just said it was her birthday, give her a cake or whatever I'm doing. They would go, what I go, don't look at me, do it, don't don't look at me, don't look at me. And I would say that a very nice I would say that, and I would, and so I would have explained to this just oh, wait a minute, never mind, do look at me. So I was like, So finally, I was like, I promise you it's not from some sort of fade done away play oh, because I would give notes after the scene it's over, and they would then that they would be looking down at the ground or looking at each other, and I go, you can look at me now. I'm not like fade done away over here being like, do not look at me, And I'm like exactly, But I was like, no, you're in a scene. Stay in the scene, look at your partner. Don't look at me. It's weird you broke out of the scene and look at me. It creeps me out. So they the class made fun of me so much that they thought it was so funny that I would do this. And on the last day, my students got me a shirt that said don't look at me on it and on the back of it it was a giant eyeball with a vax th I have not worn it yet, but I will to our next to our next when you come back, are our golden There's a Golden Goose to the podcast. Yeah, I'm so happy to be the first come my guy away. I'm so oh it's our honor. And we have to sort of tell you what happens on the show, Yes, because it has nothing to do with what we've just s but it is sort of like insane energy because it has to be. We're trying to just like make positive outcomes in much And before we get going, you might notice there's a jar next to you. Yeah, this story, this is a foreshadowing. It's like it's like in Ibstom and you place you place the gun on the wall in the first act. So this gun that we've placed on the wall, you might just think, Oh, what's this half eaten jar? What is this? What is this half eaten jar of peeb Two? Do you like peanut butter? Jar? I love peanut. Are you worried about gaining away with peanut butter? Oh? I'm worried about getting away with everything I put it in my mouth, but I still do it. Do you like peanut butter but have a abotter allergy? Because that could change whether we can make Oh no, I do not have a okay, so peevy fit or to peanut butter powder. When we go to Rhode Island and we prelude from my brother Aleric shot up and we have to you know, watch, we're very strict about how much peanut butter we put in our bodies because we're vain, because because the press is always hiding up. Because we go into Rhode Island, we go to the town dump on the regular basis. So this is we don't know how to cook, but we do know how to microwave, and so this is this is two tablespoons regular. Regular peanut butter has five thousand colors in one hundred and fats like seventy calories. Yeah, and all you do is is peanut butter. I see you. Would you please say that your mind is blown right? No, my mind is blown back. Now I just have to ask what does it taste peanut butter? It is the hydrated peanuts. So the first night that we got there, he just doesn't have like oils and exactly exactly just it's exactly flower without the so he so he ordered to it has all the He ordered a giant jar of it and had it and had it when we went on our lovers get away to Rhode Island and it had it shift. He's like, oh, this will probably last the whole thing. Now he doesn't know he's living with a raccoon. I was like, what the fuck is that? I ate? We ate a whole jar and like plant protea and like thirteen hours. How long did it ticket for that first jar peanuts? So there's just like literally like there's no pig in that apps. It's meat for I like a porky peanut. But myself, we're gonna end with a dessert. We want to treat as I guess we're gonna. We're gonna and we want our listeners to email in their their recipe suggestions and to email make little tiktoks. I'm doing it at home to our themes. Yeah, we want peanut butter powder. So we're gonna be working with this this putting it back in your mind what you might want. We're gonna make a dessert and a mug. But before that, yes, here's what's happening. We tweet it in Instagram people. We literally got hundreds of hundreds of response like seriously, there's no autographs please. So Brian and are both in long term relationships and we're both dating. Yeah, and dating is hard. Are you in a relationship? No, but I'm I'm dating okay. So dating is a journey and the whole now autographs please energy in the same way that we're great cooks with our PP two, the fact that we're going to wear t shirts that say don't look at me. We wanted to go. So we are going to be every week improvising a first date, a blind date. Maybe they met online, maybe they were hooked up with somebody, and no matter what, it has to go well. And we have that we have gotten from our We tweeted out and we've gotten from and you can also tweet to us or you can tweet to our. You can email us at at naps pod one at gmail dot com. Within it, we tweeted out asking for locations, locations and names of each other. But the worst one line that has been said to each individual on a date, I have to say the amount of mind we did want to add a context, the worst single sentence that has ever been said to somebody out a date. They're incredible. So I have some that I tweeted without tech and Brian, he didn't tag me, so we don't know within the date, at some point we might drop a couple and somehow, no matter what, the date has to end. Well, even though these are Horst and Drew, we want you to be anybody you want to be in our world. You could be, you could be an ex voice, you can be. You're going to join to fill out the world. We're going to be at a location that is send him by a listener. We're gonna be on a date and it is at the Orlando Ikia Cafe. And every time we are about to say a line that's a real life terrible thing that someone that someone has been hat said to them on a date. Before we say it, we're going to ring a bell and then say the line. And at the very end we're going to give credit to who everybody who sent it in. And again these are real lines that were said to people on dates. And we have real names sent in that we are going to call each other. I don't know what my name is. Brian doesn't know what his name is, also sent in by listeners. When we come back, we will be having a date at the Orlando Ikeia Cafe. We take you to the Orlando I Kia Cafe where our date is in progress. Jackson Taitlan, I'm sorry, I'm late. The Big Bang theory was new. Oh shit, do you watch The Big Bang? I love it. What's been your favorite episode so far? This is so funny. We have this comment. Tell me describe your very favorite episode. But oh my god, I love the woman, that funny little nerd. Who's your favorite character? I love Dark Dark? I love Darv. It was so crazy because it's like Darv was like getting real, like he was like getting horny but nerdy, you know, and he wanted to ask out the nerd like at a convention, and then like he didn't. He thought she was the person he wasn't meeting, but she was dressed in an outbdit turned out he felt for somebody else. I love that one. Oh wow, yeah, I'm sorry I'm talking so much. Yeah yeah, I'll just get a scene. Yeah that's fine. I'm already sitting. You have a lot of food. I see that. I do. Wow. What's your favorite episode? Oh god, Jackson, So mine is it has to be the star the Leader, the award winner, Corel Corel. Remember he does the algebra right on that Ladies flag. Right then we have another Lincoln Berry well, oh, finally you're finally here. Hi. Hi, Thanks, This is Titlan, This is this is Ed. Jackson and I were just talking. It's been a minute. You've met. Yeah, no, no, well we would say we we. I feel like I know you because you've talked so much about waiting on the get here you well, um, it is nice to see you do look familiar to me. I have to say, faces kind of the most famous waiter here at the cafe. I call it I KaiA because I'm a little bit fancy. Wow. Also, I'm are your performer guilty. Yes, I am a local Orlando royalty. You may have seen me in the production of Head of Gabbler and when I played all the parts Epcot Hedda it was anyway, it was really it was really magical. Did you play? I was heada, I was the gun, I was the uncle and I you know whatever? Did you You know? I my last marriage, I got married at Epcot. I wore the white veil. I actually paid extra my last my second marriage. You've been you've been married twice. Oh that's great. Yeah, I have Jackson. Soever, you know, you remind me of the mad Hatter. That makes sense because she spears like a lot of hats. I did a let you guys go, I was just putting down the food to order anything. He's got a lot of things. Did you want to reindeer meatballs? Reindeer meatballs? I'm not going to order a margharita because I'm a man, Okay, And that's it. Okay, I'll have two margaritas and I will have that's it. Got it? Okay, God, I'll be right. I'll be right to have liquid calories. Do it on me. Listen, I have to tell you about this is the only fucking Ikea. And excuse me, I was thinking of my mother. This is the only Ikea in the country. He says. I can't please please don't copy people. Oh no, it's just a bad peep. Okay, this is the only I the only ik I'm kid people's insecurity. You know what that reminds me of? Yeah, there was a big bang on this, so if you can remember me, yes for that. God, yes. And he put it right in the test too, and he threw it up in the air and what came, Baby, it was the first was the original test too? Baby? Oh my god, Jack, you know, I just wanted to say I do feel very seen. Thank you. I was nervous to wear so many hats? Is it too many hats? Do you want me to cut your hair? That is why I'm wearing so funny out it. I didn't know how to ask. I saw that you worked at dry bar, but I didn't know that you also cut hair. I thought that you just did blowout, so I curled all my I have very should I unleash my hair, should take my hats off? Do your mind, it's very long, very take off the bowler first, take off the top hat. Hey, that's gonna be your I'm sweat of the Actually, Ted, do do well? Does the what I meant to tell you? Yes? Ted is still here? No, yeah, I'm going to call him in a minute, Taitlan, But I meant to can I can we just please for a second, excuse me, excuse me? Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm sitting crash. I'm sorry sorry starting to sell hospital. Yes, well, I just cover from the hospital. I had a really awful, awful day. When you took your hat off, your hair, your hair fell to look the general is just kind of boring to is just kind of go to some mixed too bad news at the hospital. I'm just trying to eat my feelings. It's disgusting. Wait, can as you a question? How old are you? He's very he's very thirty, He's very bad. I'm rapidly aging. You are The age on my driver's license will not correspond with how look At the end of the month, I will I will see much. I will look much terrible. Who are you meeting here? Fucking dog? Who? Yes, I'm in it, you know, I don't know. I think you two are made for each other, because normal people would one of you at least would say, I feel so bad. I'll be honest with you. Can I at least have a new stew Can I be honest with you? Your eyes are very dry and so it took me usually there they're clouded over. Okay, I woke up. That's what its okay. Listen before you leave. Though I don't know, you seem kind of powerful. Can I give you my head shot? Oh? Absolutely, I have it right here under my hair. Let me just shake up your take off the Hello, Dolly Dolly, Let me just get a I have smaller verses that I clip into my hair in case I need it. Is that like a burned fedora like a Freddy Krueger. It's like it is. I sometimes work as a street fire I'm like a fire artist, but I'm not fully trained, so I'm a performer. A move. Would you karaoke? Take your headshot? It seems like you're working a lot. Well, I don't make any money. Oh, don't don't touch skin with that person. Go flake somewhere else. Okay, Jackson, listen, Yeah, what's up? You are so sexy, by the way, and I'm very sensitive and I wanted to let you know something. What I was going to say was, this is the only idea in the country has waiter service and a bark. So it makes sense. It makes sense that he came over to us. And it also makes sense that you ordered margharitas. That is, you know what, I get fucking trunk in here, totally drunk. Did you say trunk? You get trunk? Yeah, fucking trunk. You've heard of trunk? Trunk? Yeah, that's man. I to margaritas. Thank you so much again. Food in general. I don't drink margaritas because I'm not Okay, that would be gross. Yes, thank you. We're all on the same same here. Oh my god, it's like Orlando. There's like no gay people here. It's kind of nice if you were. I am so sorry to interrupt, and like, I just have a chicken clock. Would you guys like to help me move? Absolutely? I have so much free time on my hands, and I you know, well, here's the thing. In all the theater productions that I do, I'm always like, oh, I want to be on stage crew, but they always might need me to be the lead in the play. Sure, so I'd love to switch things up. That'd be really fuel I'd love to be the lead in the play. I'm just always kind of the stage chand never the lead. That's kind of that's like I'm that's saying, yeah, always the stage chan, never the lead. Yeah, you're you're smart. Thank you so much. Anything to just hang out with you guys more. I have all these other tables that need my service. But like, by the way, either way, what do you not go to table next to us? Oh? That hospital escape? She knows that she has been hitting me up for free stupid Yes. Oh god, she looks terrible. She looks terrible because she needs to leave. I'm sorry, but she mam, mam, mam. I just wanted today. Can I talk to you? I'm sorry that my hair got in your stupe you. I look considerably older since the last time you saw me. I actually feel really bad. I've gone through a lot of trauma recently. Can tell us about well, nothing like what I will be like. It won't be nearly as bad as what I've been through. You ever sat on a pushpan? Babe? What I happened to be corkboarding? And I sat on a pushpan? What do you mean corkboarding? Well? I was. You know, I have ideas for a screenplay that I'm a writer. No one asked, Oh, I thought you would worked at drybar. Okay, Russia. I guess I can't do more than one thing. My ex husband practiced voodoo and used to I used to stand like, it's the real shit to have a doll and I would feel it no matter where I was. Really it was really bad to pin the pushpins. So you have sat on any ways? Are you single? Oh? Wait, very, I'm right, No, I just I like the real shit stories. You know, you seem like you're Jones and right now it's just idea in my head. When you get creative, when you want to write when the juices start flowing. Oh, actually, Ted, yeah, I can see because you're only I will take a vodka grape juice listen. I wanted to suggest, and I feel like I like it now that I know that you're an artist, can I set just to us that we maybe can you take that one more hat off your head? It's hard to talk about that's just a bird. This is my bird. Look. Um, I sort of went as as a fire street performer, you get more tipped. It wasn't enough just to be out there like in a thong doing acrobatics, doing flame things, but you're literally still wearing that Yes, okay, Well it was a first day and I wanted to look nice, flexible sexual. That's really I mean, it's really is very sexy, you know, Whitney. I liked having you know, I see Chris Angels sort of my news. How's that VGJ going coming? Right? So? I was just thinking, my do you do karaoke? Yeah? All the time? Every day. Well, I was thinking, um, I would like to do karaoke with you. I'm going to sing the Nicole Kidman part of Elephant Love Medley and you can be you and McGregor or you could be you and McGregor, or you can just watch me solo Ohn and horse Show. Yeah, yeah, let's do it. Okay, all right, I am so sorry. Okay, I'm really upset. We were out of grape. We were out of the red grape juice, so we had white grape. I like room tap hurts my teeth, pleased my teeth so many times that I can't have anything. You're gonna ask, they're like almost clear. It's really interesting to see your entire see nerves. Yeah, it's part of the you know, some people file their teeth down to make it be like a rabbits do that. Well, I can I just say yes? Can I just say to you, I just I care deeply about animals? Yeah? And can you not move your head around so much? Because that bird is holding off your dear light? Well, it seems afraid to fly off of your head. The bird, the bird is it knows what happens when it's been loosing ikea before. And it's a big store and it was hard for me to scamper up birds. I can't follow those those arrows on the floor. No, And I have to like climb all the way off. Cute. That's my expression. Yeah, do you mind if I steal that for my new screenplay? You know what, I like credit for that. I'm also I'm a performer. Oh that's right. What I mean? Oh, you are looking like you know? Yeah, I'll give you mine and put my name in it. I'll give you credit. You're very sunburned, ted, Yeah, ted, very well. I live on the beach you live. It's just sometimes like it's hard to get under, you know, in a palm tree when the sun comes out, right, I would say it, thank you. I'll take that as a compliment. Yes, Oh, I'm sorry, I just am a truth secret. Did you mean it as a compliment? Um, I have to say. I'm an avid tanner. Yeah, so I admire his commitment to the sun. I would say, maybe like a little and got back and then get in and get out so that you can get a nice deep tan like I have someday. I mean, I'm constantly in rehearsals and performances. Can I ask? Can I ask a question about your job? Since no one seems to want to ask me about my writing, even though I dropped like fifty hints. Yeah, I've heard that. Okay, Okay, I have a question about your job here, and I can't thank you for saying I K. Yeah, you're welcome. Is it only soft foods here? I've never been here when there's been a crunching site. No, no, no, only puddings soft boiled because my teeth are so sensitive. That's why I suggested it. I ate two leaders of yogur last night. That's soft. That's lead last nine leaders? Who and who? Um measures yogurt by the leader? Okay, so here it was here I measure. I measure yogurt by the by the by the fistful. Damn, it sounds like you've had a few babies. How many fists of yok? I really understand how it? No, you don't want to know. There's something about the year. There's something about you that truly makes me so hateful, and I don't know what it is. It's just looking at you makes me so upset because you're clenching your hairy fists. You have a lot of rings on, you have a lot of hair, you have a lot of hair, a lot of rings, there's a lot of it's tattoos. To take care of myself. Why wouldn't I don't. I'm just saying it looks like you have like fifteen rings on your right hand. Excuse me, one for every maple I dance around. Here's the thing, and back to leaders for just a second. You count and leaders too. Oh that's right, you like that. Listen. I happened to be not everyone news. Maybe you'll guess not everyone news, okay, but I happened to have spent more than a little talk. You guessed it New York City? No to Macula prison, yes and no. No. I oh, I happened to have spent many a yeah over in are you tex No? So? Um? Oh my god? She died the Queen. Can you guess where I'm from? Okay, you know what, m I didn't realize. I'm originally from England. That's why I say leader. That's why I say meter, That's why I say Skellius, Celsius, Skelly. That's why I say what I have Cecelius is what I was diagnosed with it. Oh, I can tell I've honestly never seen a person who was literally shaped like the words. Stop. She's right there. I know, she just brings it out of me. I don't know what's up. I'm very sorry, Listen, I like a bad boy and I and I wish I could be on your side as a feminist. But there is something you're talking to me. I'm talking. I'm talking's head. Really, there's a woman woman I'm talking to. I could see it on your name tag. I'm talking to Ronda. Ronda. Um, I just choice except her at the end. Now you know what that is clever? I do like that. I'm a writer. No, you keep mentioning that. What would you please tell us? Have you written a novel? Yeah? And what is it called? Nonfiction fiction? That's the name of it. Yeah, because I delve into both lives of those I mean I delve into both. Have you seen that movie where Hilary Splink Sway places Hilary Baldwin and it's Hillary versus Hillary, Hillary Spink, Hillary versus Hillary. I love that movie. That is such a great so I Hillary. They couldn't get hilarly spake. They got Hillary Spank to be Hillary versus Hillary to act out the real life Hillary versus a lala. I just want to say, you're you. You people have talked to me more than anybody has talked to me and probably years. I can see why. To be honest with you, no, Actually, I do like you. Okay, I do like. This is the problem with women. I have to tell you. Okay, this is the problem with all women. Okay, you say something rude and they think it's rude. That's right. Agree. Look here's the thing. Um my third husband. Oh yeah, you talked about him before. I only talked about the second husband. Oh, my second husband. I wore the Mickey Mouse year. Oh that's right, with the veil, with the veil, dude, Yes, my third I got my third husband. I got married at Dollywood, and I wore big fake boobs like Dolly, and I had the veils coming out of the That was what I wore, as the veil who was attached by the bit of a check's chess plate. That's beautiful. It was beautiful. He was nineteen years old. Your ex husbands nineteen Oh my god, and you're shit. Yeah, man, I'm surrounded by nasty but you tell me I'll look good. You do look great. I've had a lot of work done, including my teeth. You know what. This is what I always say to a woman. Sorry, you guys, come back. I'm sorry. I was like win the weeds. I was like slammed, like so much. I'll tell you this too. I tell this to every woman I go out with you. I can get you a trainer, plastic surgery, whatever. Oh my god, that's so romantic, especially to say when you first meet someone. I was actually wondering and bring that into this too. Yeah, Ronta, I want everyone to go around because I want to end this on a notepad too, exactly. Okay, I want everyone to go around and say, just as we get a little know about each other before I have to go because my car is not parked. I mean it's still in drive, not even in park. No, it's just like I was late, so they could just be driving around. It's such a shame because you were here two and a half hours before. I know, but I was late for how much I wanted to And I wanted to see if that monkey would be in here. Remember that monkey that put on the raincoat in that IKEA wanted that was a real thing. I wanted to see if he would be in here. Was my bird scared it off? Okay, yes, so you want to go around and I want to go around, and I want to just find a little bit more out about each other. I want to know who we each think is going to win the Grammy next year? Oh? Solid choice, Yeah, Grammy next year. I'm gonna go with Carly Rae Jebson. Okay, I'm gonna go with Barbara Hershey, hold on, let me get Ronda. She was scaling in the back. Did sorry? Te Hi is the question? You won't even be here, but I'll ask anyway. Who do you think it's gonna win the Grammy next year? Sherry Lewis, Oh, you know what? You know what lamb chop? I like that listen Jackson. Yeah, I have really questionable taste in men. And I like it when a guy yells at me. And I like when you texted me before we met and you said if we end up together, we'll get your boobs done. And when I got that text, yeah, I knew that I might be looking at number four. And I want to say, the name Taitlan is the most clever spinoff of the word potato I've ever heard in my wife. And for that, I admire you, Thank you, I admire you. What would you like to do on our next date? I'd like to go to a water slide. Okay, I can get wet with that, you know. I also want to say, Ted, thank you so much for your incredible service. As always, this has been amazing. I feel like we like just I don't know, like we're like a company or something like. It feels really good. Oh that's cute. I'm gonna write. I'm gonna write that. I'm gonna write that. Please give me credit. I will. And here's the bill. Okay, Oh sorry, it's it's a little Oh no, no, no, no no, I said at the beginning of this date, Ted two checks. No, I am so sorry. This is just your check. Oh shit, all right, well I guess I'll pay for your margaritas. But that's the kind of person I am so so You're welcome. Okay, and I'm gonna see you backhead Elephant Love Medley, I'll see you. Actually, could you sing a little bit of the Elephant Medley right now? I think it's from Mulane. Oh my god, I love that's my favorite. Please sing it for me, Gregor you can come in. I don't want to watch me, so yeah, do the Elephant Medley. I love the song. Heletha Love Medley, elephant in a Elephant and Love Medley because you've no elephants me love r you guys, that was amazing. I'm sorry, I have to go why Rhonda's shedding and the parking and it's it's causing a pilot better not being near my jeep. All right, bye, babes, bye, and we're back. We're back, baby. Wow. That was fine. Oh I think we all deserve a little treat after that. Oh my god, do we deserve a treat? Are you ready for dessert? Yeah? And and I want to give a shout out to Jess McLaren. I mean, of all of those, what was the most horrifying that you had that you read? Which one? Which one? I mean there were two lines Petite Melbourne sent in someone said to them on a date, do you want me to cut your hair? Incredible? I mean we're talking like three lines in. Yeah. And then Trevor Lewis said that his date said to him, you remind me of the Mad Hatter, which truly slate me. Um. Also, this is a funny one that I just wanted to shout out because it was so good. Jesting. Jeffrey said that, uh, he went out with someone who was so turned off that he said he likes playing video games. It was disgusted by it. And then he said and then she she said, all I really like to do is like hang out with my dog. I'm obsessed with my dog. And he goes, what's your dog's name? And she goes computer. Wow. Wow, hated video games. I mean it makes Oh and Jill thank you for the two checks. That was great, and Hannah for the two leaders of yogurt last night. The two checks I had from Jesse mcclarence, Sorry I'm late. The Big Bang theory was new us from ze Ali. Food in general is kind of boring to me. Um from Alan Strickland Williams want to help me move and it was on their first day, the first date he had. Want to help me move. Oh, that's hilarious. From Tory Bartow was I'm gonna see Nicole Kim a part of Elephant Love Mill. You can be you McGregor or watch me solo, which is incredible. Can I give you my head shot? Was Brian Sloan. Oh, And Lexi del Ray sent me a margharita. No, I'm a man, Thank you. Wow. I did not know all of these. Why. John August sent I can get you a trainer, plastic surgery whatever this is Katie Bergie said, if we end up together, we'll get your boobs done, and I mean shocking. Can we also? Taitlan came from Megan Marooney brilliant and Rivkreus sent me Jackson dunfie accent j A x O N and dunfie du n p h y so good. So if you want to participate, tread to us some more of your Batman line at Arte Marine myri I and we want to sear out of context weird things that do you text us some proper names and places for weird dates that you've had. You must have worked up quite an appetite. I bet you didn't know that such famous celebrities would also cook their own food. You assume we probably had just yes like us. Help, I'm a celebrity, Get me out of here, my favorite ch my favorite. So here we are. We have our gorgeous oven just like Tom Collichio ya um, and pick up. You have to cook. Everybody knows you have to cook a microwave dessert in a mug. We have three to choose from, all Bachelor themed. We have bring her whole. This looks like the woman I just played and the imagine do you want the pet or your other option would be pensive gentlemen, or you could have this being me is my greatest power. Being you is not your greatest power. Oh my god, is that real. That's another real line that was said on the batlor. Very important. That's a very new autographs. Please energy, wowly do you want to keep bringing your home? I like, bring her home? Gentlemen, you can use The first thing we do is I'm just gonna put we each put in. You can put yours in two No, I'll do it for you. Okay, Well he's the guest. So you go like this, And so I prefer to use any scoop that you have around the house. And even if it's like yeah, I don't say or like fertilizer or a fertilizer. This came from a protein powder that pretended to use it was so gross. No, because we're also wanted. We want to be cooking influences. I need peanut butter powdered show And by the way, cooking influence, it should be around two tablespoons. If you want to do is that scoop of tablespoon? M yeah, you know what a tables if this is literally a tablespoon. But I overflow because I then you go, here's this food good? I promise it's good. I'm gonna be so then we're gonna make it's gonna be sort of like a pumpkin pie. But we're being peanut butter because it doesn't sound like it's gonna make sense. But guess what, you're gonna love it because because when the press comes for you, you got all the hot Oh you put you gotta go, you got all And by the way, you want to really impress someone organic, well yeah, but also you show them what you eat, and you show them this, Oh yeah, that's that's okay, Okay, what you want to do? An egg? Sure you can eat. Those are very expensive. Oh I've heard. By the way, I follow the news, this celebrity told me that there's no eggs in the grocer. But I was like, can you bring in? And there were no eggs lot. Now there was a minute that there was an extra. Yes, I'm gonna use I'll use the egg white because I'm you know, watching my cholesterol, right, And then do you want water or milk? I've got oh yeah, milk is good. I've got my little kitty. Are you Are you vegan or you just putting legan the egg? I don't know about your eggs and vegan. There is cat milk, milk, cat milk, cat milk. Oh, I love it, cat milk, feline tea juice. I milt twins after she contoured me. Okay, I'll also shout out to the person who said that they took. And then we stir our milk. Please, okay, great, Oh my god, now see we probably made it a little too. Let me just drink this raw. No, I'm gonna put a little studia in to make it sweet. I'm okay without it. Okay, do we need more peanut butter? I think this will work all right, So then we'll put all three mugs in stir it up. Okay, Now, Arden didn't make a fatal mistake. I have to say, what was my fat? Because you didn't get plain pumpkin. You've got pumpkin pie mics what no, yeah, with all the clothes. But it's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay. Oh god, you know what this is myself? And then guess what that's not? No autogrest please energy, No, I guys about to say like, yeah, girl, I don't it's always there cos I'm sure do you miss teaching kindergarten? No, I don't know. I don't wait a minute, and doesn't say wait a minute, no, I oh wait, No, I don't wait. No, I don't Okay, are you ready? I love that. I don't know if are you supposed to put all of them in? We don't know. If this is a new experience. Yeah, we're gonna put all of them. O. Yours is very hym give them more peanut butter. We're gonna step away for safety. What's gonna happen? This is the beauty of it. If it's too liquidity, this is what I always thought. This is what I always tell my clients, your clients. If it's too liquidy, just put in more powder. If it's not liquidy enough, put in more liquid. Is that hysterical? And also well, it's like a dermatologist. Wait, I'll tell you, I'll tell because that whole business sham. Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, I'll tell you what. Tell me by the way I go to one. But I don't support it obviously. Look at that. You're a beautiful baby boy. Here's the thing all dermatology is Yeah, if it's dry, make it wet. And if it's wet, make it dry. And if that doesn't work, use a steroid cream cancer. Oh, I don't go into that. Oh okay, that makes sense. No, you're right. I guess that would be different. I do support dermatology. Now. I didn't mean to be here. No, I think it must go a call because I don't need complaints. How long do you for a minute? A minute? We've got three in there, so we'll see how it goes with You would be shocked. You would be shocked. Turn it off. I did a minute twenty. Let's see how it goes like I feel it. I don't think it's going unless it's the quietest microwave ever. Hang on, there we go going? Is it going for ninety five? We can stop it whenever we went. I gotta say, Drew true, this is a secret. They all celebrity. It's Oh, I guess we need three new spoons, banana, Do you mind grabbing three? Friend? We can use some wet or no. I guess you're right. Okay, three fresh spoons, three freshies, six spoons minimal. You have to have six spoons. So if you can't do this? Are you crazy? Six spoons? You're crazy. For those of you don't know, we basically did two tables spoeons of peanut butter powder, two tablespoons of pumpkin mix, an egg and one egg. You can put cocoa, and you can put chocolate squares. You could, yeah, you can't. But for this one we put milk and a arden at, a little stevia. You look grows down when you said that. I don't think. I don't think that microwave went for at. There's no way it's done. Yeah, put another minute, you're gonna be because so what this turns into, just so everyone knows, yeh is a bouncy, bountcy, beautiful garg cake cake. And what you can do if you want to be fine, you just thank you put a little bit of like oat, milk or cream just on its words, so yogurt, a leader a fifth of yogurt, or a little piece of dark chocolate right in the middle, like a law of a cake. Here's what I'll tell you that the dance inside it doesn't look good. It doesn't look it's not pretty, of course not no, how's it doing anything? Is that hot? It's getting there. It's just too many months. On its worst case, we should just microwaves Drews. Yeah, yeah, oh but I want, we all want. I mean, we'll try it though. I mean, look, I just licked my hand. Maybe I get salmonilla. But guess what I got peanut butter too. Yeah, and it tasted good. Now, this is what I tell all my clients about, yes meal, When you eat this, what you're doing is you are tricking your brain that's right, your body that's right, and your husband this guy and your husband and your husband, and you're thinking you're having so when I counsel my clients every night, but I say, forgotten what who your clients are. When I counsel my clients every night, client, what I say that's right say to them is you're not going to regret becoming a member. What you've tried this? You do? You have a multilevel marketing thing, I might what's it to you? Wait? Am I smelling? All right? We need one more? We need one more? Okay, we're just gonna go one more. Two, Okay, next time we'll do one for like a minute. Now now we know, now Row your your guinea pig. But I promise this isn't gonna taste gross for real? Oh no, no, I no, I mean I believe you. It's not like fear of factor bomb a pig. But what you need to understand this is what I discuss at length. I mean, I orator my clients about this. If you want to live the life, you want to live, how to do things? Yes, you better work, bit, you better work. Nobody wants to work. Nobody wants to work. Nobody wants to do nobody wants. Kim Kardas she says she works, she works. She I mean, I guess, no, she does what I try to discuss with my clients, tell you know. That's how Ryan has counseled me for years. And I'm like, I'm like, oh, I want to go. I want to go to Ralph's and I want to go buy Have you ever eaten anything peanut butter besides like a p butter cookie and like a Reeses or a peanut butter peanut butter? What do you mean like peanut butter pie? Yeah? Have you ever reading it baked? And I don't mean stoned punk you late? Um? Yeah, I mean, don't you bake a peanut butter pie, can't I guess you do. Yeah, well, have you ever reading it hot? Have you read it out of a mug? Out of a blue microwave? No? No, that's right, that's right, that's right, getting skincare, getting skincare tips, no dermatology. I don't usually connect peanut butter and skincare, but I learned as Brian's client that was one of the things he led with. That makes me so happy because I've always heard that, like, you know, peanut butter is one of the things you shouldn't have. No, no, no, this you can't have. This you can have because this is this is peanut butter powder. Okay, start up. Oh that's that stuff you're gonna love. It was hot. It's hot, so be careful because it burn your mouth. Here, I'll take a bite too. I'm see how it's sort of cakey. You see that you don't burn your mouth. Don't burn your mouth because and you can cook it. The beauty of this is you can cook it like more well done or rare. Look at that rare. I'll have one slice of peanut butter cake rare. I gotta tell you, so so good. And by the way, that pumpkin pie. Spice is adding it adds to I mean layers, it's adding layers. Look at that. Don't judge it. Don't judge it. To eat it, don't judge it. It is kind of hot hot. That's so good. It's so good, so good, it's so good. It's so good. So if anyone is out there who wants to be a Perspective client, please submit your recipes. Excuse me. There's nothing like listening to a podcast or choking on peanut butter and pumpkin. No, it's good for a glass of milk. You cannot become his client unless you submit your recipe first, and that's how he judges you. It's delicious, don't you don't you want to kind of put a cashier. It's you can be on star. Do not like it? No? I love it? No, I love it. It's really good. It's doesn't feel like Okay, I'm all right, look at that. See and that's what you add if you want um shoulder. Yeah, should listen. No lot of girls, please, true, I'm see. And by the way, you can just start this up a little water and just like real regular peanut butter, you put a little water in it. Two table spoons, a little bit of water. Start, it's just peanut butter. You don't have to you don't have to bake it. Yeah. Why are we just hearing about this now? Where? Why are you hearing about this now? I've been in this game. I've been in this game since. Did you ever hear of what's the thing when they do when they jump over the things? You know, when they ran they jump hurdles? Hopscott, I've been doing this since I first saw the hurdles, the hurdles, the Olympic Gay the hurdles, the Olympics, the hurdles. True, it hasn't been a hurdle. Loving you here, it's not all. We like to compliment our guests as they leave, so you leave feeling like a celebrity. Now, not only are you a gorgeous man, not only are you a hilarious man, a full genet. Not only are you UM our first podcast guest, so honored um. I consider you a friend. I enjoyed our fellowship, and I hope you are the number one movie star in the world. Thank you, and I wish you nothing but success. Oh my god, I love you both. Thank you so much for having me on here. I'm so happy to be the first guest and to try your brilliant peanut butter k Thank you, thank you. That scene brought me so much endless joy. I could have done that for hours and um overall, just a wonderful way to spend an afternoon. Oh my god, thank you so much. I can't wait for more. And do me a favor. Yeah, see me one, I will for the elephant. What's it called? Love waters water Medley. We want to also give a shout out to Mark Rivers for writing the greatest theme song. Oh my god, Jeanie, I love Mark River in the world. He's so talented. That makes sense because when I heard the song, I wanted to ask you in a minute, like who wrote this? Shout out to the ever, ever, ever wonderful Anna, Doctor Banana, Katie Levine, shout out I Heart, shout out We're Will Ferrell for having us on your on your vertical baby, And shout out to all the children and all of the adults of the world. Thank you so much. Until next children, until next time. My name is artem Marie, my name is please. Who are you wearing? Who will there be pressed? Yeah? Out targing and bright are hearing less and prodecast, But honey, no no, no, no trees. We're leaving them life like celebrities sharing my favorite recipes on the No no, no autographs, No I get a manager, I get no autograph, No autograph,