My Momma Told MeWhite Man Can't Cook (with Langston Kerman and David Gborie)
Are white people getting worse at making food on purpose? Langston and David cook this conspiracy theory in the studio. Does this come from white people's reaction to Black people getting more rights? Is this some sort of sick empowerment? How are bad meals going viral? They dissect regional food conversations and even rank which US region is the best. Also, is there a tendency for people to like everyone else's food, but not their own? We just want white people to know they have potential in the kitchen, but when they don't apply themselves, we're heading to Golden Corral.
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Bye, bitch!
Worries me about the end is that I'll do something and commit to living like it's the end and that it's not. And I just like killed my neighbor. Y two k.
Now you got a book, you got you got a dead body and a bunch of corn in your basement, and you're like, all right, God, darn, I guess I'll go back to telling jokes about my girlfriend.
Yeah, there's a dead body on the floor, Like, so can I still at me?
Oh, I'm gonna have to cancel at the House of Comedy.
Or quality racist The money's turkey stuff.
I can't tell me.
Cause you gotta have diamonds and pearls, whether you're a boy or a girl. Welcome to another phenomenal episode Little Mama's and Gentiles Alike of My Mama Told Me.
The podcast where we dive deep deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories and.
We finally worked to prove that the prayer Dion Warwick said the Little Prayer for You was in fact about her niece, Whitney Houston. She saw it coming the whole time.
Damn the fortune teller Dion Warwick come, amongst many other things, Italian, she wears a lot of hats, some of them real silly because she was a fortune teller of sorts, and you're saying that she could see the future and see that Whitney would eventually become a woman struggling with cocaine.
She knew it was gonna be tough on Neppie. Here's my question.
Well, I'm like sain Kermin and I'm listening.
He is like, how do you feel about fortune telling?
I believe, and I think I've I've said this maybe on the podcast before. I believe that if you start fucking with that shit, you're opening up a world of problems that I don't want to ever explore.
Yeah, you keep knocking on the devil's door. Somebody gonna answer, Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, I'm not I'm not brave enough. I would say to be one of those people who's like, goot, sain't real. The fortune telling that ain't that shit ain't true.
Like, I don't know if it's real or if it's not real, but I know if I start fucking with it, then I'm gonna start seeing some shit that I don't want to see when I'm laying in bed at night.
Yeah that's reasonable.
Yeah, where are you?
Sometimes I think maybe I need more devil.
Hmmm, that you you want to welcome the devil into your home? You know, I think you gotta try stuff. Okay, you don't feel like you've tried.
I feel like, Okay, I don't mean this in a shaming way, but more than most of my friends, I would say, you're you're a person who's who's tried a little bit of everything.
I think that's a nice way to say.
Yeah, yeah, I think you're a man who's dabbled in all of good fortune and bad fortune. Yeah, And so you don't think that that was enough to get the devil.
I never maybe I just never have had a direct what I felt like was a direct encounter.
Right, you had that, but you told us that ghost.
Yeah, I don't think that was the devil though. I think that ghosts are different than the devil.
Okay, you don't associate ghosts with the devil.
Not particularly. They kind of feel like I feel like they're like ghosts are like like they've gone rogue, like they're doing their.
Own devil can't even funk with them.
No, no, no, they have a score to settle and it's on them. Yeah, he doesn't need to know where they're at. They're not checking in. He's like, they were supposed to be in Hell three weeks ago. Meanwhile they're up here in some little kid's room. What's it?
What's that Nicholas Cage movie where he I like, how you do it with a soft sea? What Nicholas Cage? Just like you said, Nicholas, Nicholas Cage. Who's that Nicholas Cage Fella? Nicholas Cage doesn't didn't he he was that marvel man whose head is on fire?
Oh? Oh yeah? Yeah? What is his name? Hell Rider? He's a he's a bicyclist, daddy bike daddy, daddy horns, daddy fire bike horn biker.
Yeah, I don't remember his name, ghost Rider ghost It's a ship film. Obviously it was very bad. Yeah, and Nicholas Cage was very bad in it.
But yeah, he did not do a good job.
But by your suggestion, it sounds like ghosts for you or Ghos ghost Rider than they are too servants of the devil.
Yeah. Also, my thing about the devil is people talk about the devil doing stuff to them. Nobody ever talks about it being bad to be an actual servant of the devil. So here's you know what I'm saying. Like as a job, people are like, oh, the devil did this to me, he got me. But you never hear anybody like I work for the devil and it's kind of great. He's a fun boss. Four one K. You know what I'm saying, You.
Can stick something in people's butts.
My kids got.
Here's my thing is that I've always felt and this I think goes in line with both devil and ghosts that in the case of possession, I don't want for the law. I don't want to be possessed because it's nine tenths of the law. But should I be possessed, I'm not fighting it. I am embracing it.
That's what you would have to do.
I don't want to be fucking bending backwards and throwing up green, do you know what I mean? Like, I want to fucking just be cool inside my own body with a little devil hanging out in there. And I think that part of the reason their eyes get all crazy and they're trying to fight it. They're trying to fight it, and you just gotta let the devil do what the devil does.
That's crazy. I always thought the devil goes into you and then you're like, it's like you're sleeping or something. Yeah, Like I thought they were not conscious of that at all, because as a kid, that was the thing I was the most afraid of, was the idea of being possessed.
But why are they acting all crazy if that's just because the demon wants to scare the other people. It's not to scare you, it's to show other people, like look what I could do. Yeah, but but I would say that there are other ways you could scare a motherfucker as a demon, besides making me shit out of my mouth, do you know what I mean?
Like you could just show up.
You just have a gun and be like I'm a fucking shoot all of you. I mean, Or you could just be a demon. Yeah, oh shit, you just do some shit, you know, I don't know how to do.
Yeah, you could just show yourself.
You just watch me moon walking. You're like that Nigga's possessed. I never did that before.
He can't do it. He can't do that, man. Yeah, I forgot where we were going.
Well, I don't know that we're going anywhere. We never are going anywhere. We are here today in studio and live. You're fucking here. You you you came all the way from Denver because we had a very special guest and.
That just hang out.
We got Terry Crews on Terry Crewis finally came and it didn't go well.
No, no, no, I snuffed it. Bro, What if I beat up Terry Crews, You'd never be able to talk to me again?
Me?
No, I like, I would just my egos.
Oh you're saying you wouldn't allow people to talk to you.
My ego would go crazy.
I'll be honest, I'd keep calling.
No, yeah, we could still hang out.
I know it's not even that I it's obviously I wouldn't want to hang out. But I just would want you to know how much I'm impressed by.
Oh. Yeah, I think if you.
Beat up Terry Crews, it would become inappropriate relationship between us because I'd be too I'd be too big of fame.
You would admire my work too much.
Yeah, it's like we can't be co hosts anymore.
Fucking impressed because I'm elevated because I put that dude down.
Yeah, you fucking you fucking sniped him.
Yeah?
Would Oh, I would have to. I would sneak him. That's the only way this because let's be honest for real, that's a big motherfucker.
He would beat the ship out of me. That's a big and that would be a tough out for me. He's like Terry Crews hears this and he beats my ass. Soon it's gonna be I'm gonna have to go underground for a minute. Yeah, I mean, I'll be the support of the little mamas to lift me up.
That was always my problem with the way that Chris Rock handled getting slapped, was like a of course you're gonna lose this fight to Will Smith. Yeah, there's never been a doubt from anyone who's who's watched looked at the two of you standing next to each other. Who's gonna win this fight? Make it funny, man, scream, fall down, say he's killing me. He's fucking killing Like you have to play this big and make it silly. And instead he tried to be a man and.
I start fighting scared your mom.
Yes, it's like no, if you fucking yeah, you gotta fucking yeah, you can't. Just like I would have been running around that room being like.
Merrow straight, merlow straight did Juessey what he did?
That may like I would have fucking eroded the evening because.
Listen, different dudes are playing different games. If you're trying to do the game, I could beat everybody up. That's like, you run out of that real quick. Some of us are just funny love you know what I'm saying.
Some of us just make you laugh and each out.
Yeah, and that's and that's thank God for us. I would, i would.
Say, more valuable than than those who punch you in the head.
Come on, in the winter time. You want some guy who's gonna push you in the head. You want a guy who's gonna eat that push and he's gonna talk like that after he eats. I'm gonna say that.
We we have a conspiracy today. This is a I would say, one of my own cooking. This is a homeown conspiracy theory. I have been thinking about this quite a bit, and I ran it past you, and you you seemed interested, You seemed open.
I just like to hang out. Yeah, I hope we can get some sandwiches.
I think we're gonna get some sandwiches. But before we do, uh, we landed on and you you picked the verbiage. I think it's beautiful words that you chose. But you said, my mama told me white people cooking has aultro feed.
And I think that I'm in wholeheartedly. Yeah, because they are fucking ship up. Yeah it's not Oh my god, what are they on the you guys are out here looking crazy? Yeah.
There there are those videos that have become very popular of black people, and you showed we talked about one person in particular, but there are I think super shout out super Ray. But I think there are a bunch of examples of it of black people watching white people cook weird meals where it's like a lot of like ground beef, then with cheese, then with like pudding, and it's like what the.
Fuck They make it into a jellow mold and you're like, this is fucked up. This is a sin.
And then you watch a skinny white woman eat it and you're like.
Smiling or just like she puts like chicken in the microwave, you know what I mean.
Yeah, to cook it, not just to like reheat it or put a finishing brown on it, like to fully be like no, this is cooked now.
And it's like when did this happen. When did you stop? When did you stop being able to feed yourself?
Yeah, it's a really crazy, it's fucking nut. It's odd because it's like one thing. Every group has food, everybody likes to cook. It's truly the root of all culture is just being like, well, we are connected because we have these foods and we eat them this way, and white people are sort of like, nah, we don't no collective.
Do you think it's like there's also a disconnect to like in America because I think white people abroad can cook.
Yeah, okay, I think this is an American thing. I would say select abroad, but yeah.
Yeah, I mean nobody wants Scandinavian food.
No, Our fucking British food is so beans on bread, suck my dick, you know what I mean?
Yeah, I will say though, I had that English breakfast and is kind of good. Man. I'm sorry, man, I'm not in.
Charge of the pad, but you gotta clear clear the air a little bit.
That's ugly. You're disgusting. I'm gonna kill you. Give me two hundred dollars.
And that was the right button to press. I think you picked the right one. Yeah, no, I don't. I don't eat that ship.
But have you ever tried it? I have?
Yeah, I was like, nah, I've I like, I like regular breakfast.
Yeah, I mean listen, I just it was. It surprised me as well. Okay, but that being said, yeah, I do think for I think they can cook whatever. I think there might be a disconnect from food and processing and all that. Like they've just been maybe eating microwave meals for so long. It's crazy.
We're calling upon you because we have we have new merch. We have very exciting merch that we are now selling and it's it's fucking great. We love it so much.
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Come on, you want to tell them what we have?
Yeah, we have three different types of hats, which is really fun. We have a two tone an alien dad hat, the traditional logo in black and khaki. Then we have the enamel pin with an alien who has a coofie on it since my Mama told me. And then we have t shirts that say proud little Mama, which is who you are.
Yeah, you can buy the merch now. Go to Ma Mama told me dot merchcentral dot com where you can see all of our merch. You can buy shit, and we want you to have all the sweet stuff, so get it. Let's talk a little bit about where this conspiracy came from from me That like, originally what got me thinking about it is that I have noticed that a fair amount of the things that we associate with quality black foods are not necessarily black, and that I think that there was probably a transition in the period where black people started to get more rights, right that the sit ins are over, We're allowed to eat at every restaurant, And then suddenly white people are not saying that they're having to cook pretty good meals for people that they fucking hate. And I think somewhere in that they were like, I'm not seasoning shit for these motherfuckers. I don't like, I'm not gonna keep putting my best foot forward.
My great grandmother didn't come to Poland, Yeah for me to make some mutton for these darkness.
Yeah, I'm not serving this black motherfucking my my favorite dish. Come on, fuck you, I'm a boiled chicken and you'll eat it that way or I won't serve it at all. And I think that that has somehow sort of blossomed into now a cultural sort of like identity where white people are like, yeah, we don't, we don't try that hard with our food.
But I mean, here's the thing is that I think that the foods that they're met, I think they think that stuff is good online at least you.
Know you yes, yes, I think they think it's But I think that that's more the product of a generation that doesn't know what like they don't know they was kings once type shit. Who do you know what I'm saying that like white people, we talked about this biscuits and gravy. While it is in my mind of food that I associate with black people, it's not really black people. It's Southern, you know what I mean. It's like southern in the in the universal sense in royal Southern. And and it became black people because we just have continued to fine tune quality cooking, whereas they were like, I don't know, motherfucker, ain't we ain't trying no more?
Well, do you wonder also if it's this is hard because I also wonder how much of it is like regionally, Like you know what I mean, I trust everyone in no offense. I trust everyone in the South to cook better than everyone in the Midwest. That's fair, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, sure, I think if we're talking regions that are bad at cooking, it goes Midwest is the worst.
You think Midwest is the worst at cooking? Whoa, I'm sorry, Chicago.
Is this certain?
It's not making me feel better?
Yes, I mean you guys also have Nebraska, and there's a lot of the midw There's a lot in the Midwest.
Yeah, I'm listening. Listen, I'm not refuting as much as I am reeling from the the aches and pains you're throwing my way.
I'm sorry for sure, I see I think and this is also from touring in the standicala. Hey, yeah, food, Midwest is the worst. I think the West Coast is next. I think then you got the Northeast, then you got the South. So South is best, Northeast is second, West Coast is third, and what Midwest?
Where do you Because Northeast is a surprise for me, given given what we're racing in terms of like culture, why would Northeast fall so high or low depending on how you want to scale it on.
The just the diversity, like, yeah, the Midwest is there's not a huge diversity of food like New York City or even Philly or you know what I mean, like places there's like a lot of different it's.
More homogeneous groups of people sort of like living in small pockets.
Right right right, right, right right right. So yeah, I think it's just diversity wise. That's why goes. And I think the West Coast is just like listen, they invented health field and it's very good. Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean.
You know, the West Coast I factor in less because I think they pride themselves more. We pride ourself. I don't know what the fuck on. Yeah, I don't identify with this ship. I just live here. But that's true. I get that. I think California, and certainly like the Coast in general, seems to pride itself more on like we know what is right for us.
Yeah, than you.
Are certain that this is the best tasting thing. It's more like, yeah, but if you eat that, you'll you'll live another five years. And if you eat it the other way, it's your choice.
And I mean, don't get me wrong, there's huge inclusions. California got the avocado popping.
That was crazy, That was crazy, that was big, big on you it wasn't. Avocado wasn't doing that kind of work. When I was a kid, nobody even knew about it. I was a little freak for loving guacamole. Freak, I tell you you have guacamole. Did have guacamole in Chicago in ninety four. We had it, But it wasn't. It wasn't popping like that.
No, no, no, no, no. Avocado had a renaissance.
Avocado really found itself, Brussels sprouts really found themselves. Oh yeah, oh yeah, BROCCOLI's and sort of an who is Yeah. No, I do think to some extent this does feel regional. But I do also think that there is sort of a universal white people can't cook that it does get applied, whether true or not, whether true or not, gets applied sort of across all regions. And I wonder how much of that is rooted in them voluntarily choosing to stop applying themselves at cooking as a result of us getting equal rights.
You think like once everybody, I mean, it does feel like when there's so many options, why would you make your British food? Well, it's like equal rights. Now black people got restaurants and we're giving them to the Chinese.
And that's that's actually an interesting interpretation of it too, because in some ways they are no longer cooking they cultural food. Like if we if so many of the people of this country, as they claim, are descendants of the original people of this country, they're the fake original people of this country.
I don't know what you're saying. I'm lost.
I'm saying that if a bunch of people are like descendants of the people who came here as like you know, the colonists that they were, then you should be putting beans on bread and you should be fucking eating little thick sausages.
But you like but you like little caesars, You want to you want some taco bell.
Yeah, you like everybody else's ship, but y'all ship.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah. And maybe that's what happened. It was like because it's like, I know a lot of white women who claim to make great enchiladas. Mmm, that's a big one. They love m and you don't believe them. No, I don't even like enchiladas.
Yeah, I'm not as big of a fan as I always think I could.
No, it's just wet and bad, Like I love wet food. Don't get me wrong.
I'm a big fan of wet food on a lot of things.
I have a girlfriend, she's great.
I got a wife, she's fine, lovely.
Yeah, I just I also think that because here's the other here's the other thing about white people's cooking. They do dare. It is daring. It's just not in a good way. Like have you ever had that? Girls tell me about this like sweet rice salad thing that they do sweet rice salad. It's like sweet rice and then like almonds and it's dumb.
Yeah, No, I've never had that. Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna take a firm no.
On that one. It's like but it's like big swings, it's just done well. And I think sometimes there's like a lack of attention to detail. Like a lot of times when I watch like these like White Lady tiktoks or something, it's like there's like a lack of the base knowledge of cooking and that's why it's just bad where it's just like heat the pana well, you know, like whatever.
Well, let me ask you this because this is actually a pretty curious question for me. Where do you fall when it comes to sort of like the Michelin Star. The restaurants that are treated with like sort of like revered, these places that are you're being told of the best food in the world, and it's obviously a white person number one rating them, but number two oftentimes making these dishes. Do you do you hold them in high regard or you like, no, I don't give a fuck about none of that.
I'm open to it because I think I think that some of them are very good. Right. I had some food in a yurt the other day. Okay, we went to a yurt and it was fire, and it was like, it's like this restaurant that they said supposedly was like up for a Michelin Star, but it's not quite in Denver, so they didn't. It's like sort of an Aurora we went to this year. It was really good food. Right. But I also was in the Bahamas, and I need to I need to quit cutting and looking the camera.
That's a weird That's okay, Yeah, I think so, but maybe not as much as you.
But yeah, it's like different. I'm like not at home, I have shoes on. This is a little different.
It's okay to serve it to camera. We're here there, here, let's see come on.
But then like a week later, I was in the Bahamas and I had food from a smoke shack on the side of a beach and it was equally as good to me. Yeah, So it's like I give space for the higher brow, the Michelin star stuff, but I don't. That's not solely where I'm going to fight, because sometimes it's like sometimes in food, like in fancy restaurants, I feel like it's complicated more than it's good. It's like, oh, they had to do thirty things to cook that, but it didn't come together as good as like that case ada I had across town.
I also, and this is where I think I stand firmist as it relates to food, is I don't care how good the meal is if I don't feel satisfied afterwards. That like part of what a good meal to me is is you filled my tummy all the way to the brim. But a lot of times you go to these fancy restaurants and shit and like it. Yes, it was a great tasting item that you offered me, but I'm still hungry, So I don't like you no more.
That's fair, you know what I mean. Yeah, you're angry guy.
You fucking you're giving me blue balls of the tomptungue. No, I don't like that angry angry hippos. Yeah exactly, Yeah, I get that.
I mean, and there is something to be said for just a big like bull of Stewards.
Come on, dog, you go to some of these restaurants and and look, I get it. The Midwest don't do a lot great, but we we serve you the portions you serve.
That's fair. You will get full as you walking away.
That's a good point, which you tell me growling at the local eatery in the Midwest. And I do like Midwestern food. I love a beef dip it, flip it, Come on, man, crack it up, it down. No, yeah, I just like I think it's unfair when you know you you pay money and are expecting a quality meal and you have what is a delightful tasting experience and not a filling experience. And I would argue that if you cannot fill me up, then you can't cook that good.
God damn.
Yeah, I'm taking big swings.
Baby, well, I think. But also there is a level of what I okay, I will say this when I go to one of those fancy restaurants with a richer person who doesn't mind buying enough to get us full. Yeah, it's a good time. I mean we're going to lunch after this. Yeah. I believe it's on big money players.
That's what they said. But but well, we'll confirm when the episode's over.
Let's just say I'm getting three apps. I'm gonna need the octopus, Olivia, I don't know why Steep. Yeah, I'm gonna try the pheasant. Yeah, what is this? Arisata? Is that a girl? Resuta? That's cool as a result for girls.
We're calling upon you because we have we have new merch. We have very exciting merch that we are now selling and it's fucking great. We love it so much.
Just sleek, it's sexy.
Come on, you want to tell them what we have?
Yeah, we have three different types of hats, which is really fun. We have a two tone hat, an alien dad hat, the traditional logo in black and khaki. Then we have the enamel pin with an alien who has a coofie on it since my mama told me. And then we have t shirts that say proud little Mama, which is who you are.
Yeah, you can buy the merch.
Now go to ma.
Mama told me dot merchcentral dot com, where you can see all of our merch. You can buy shit, and we want you to have all the sweet stuff, so get it.
Yeah.
I think you're probably right that it's more about being able to order more of it. Yeah, but I also think that, like, and I'm truly speaking for myself, I'm not a great cook. I know that about myself.
Really. Yeah, but do you okay, yeah, go ahead, because if I put my mind to it, I can be very good.
That's my problem what you're saying, Like, I'm not. I won't try, right, right, but if I try, I whatever, I actually put some elbow in, it's good.
I won't.
I'm not making ship by any means. But I just don't have the energy that the internal yearning to like work for an hour on a thing that I then eat in ten minutes, right, I understand, Like it's I can't process it.
Do you make like a lot?
Well, you have a family, though, I got a nice lady who does it for me like I do all the.
Yeah, my wife. Oh okay, yeah, I don't have like a.
Do you really think I'm I'm rolling in the dough like that.
I don't. I don't have a I know that in my head I've seen I don't know why I think you're rich, are you not?
I don't think so, you do it? I'm doing fine. Yeah, yeah, we have a two income house. All we do pretty well. But but a lady who like truly cooks for you, a chef, is that's a different That's a step above.
Yeah. Yeah. I think a lot of money yeah cool, not like a lot like a black people a lot of money.
Cool, big man. But I say all that to say I know that if I were making a small portion of something, I could make it very well.
Do you know what I mean that?
Like, it's the increasing of the quantity that makes it more complicated, which is why catering is so fucking tough. It's why like when you go to fucking college campuses and you're eating like those at the trays and trays of food that they put out for the buffets, while the eggs are ass and the grits are running and all the ship corral, it's ass because it's not becau as the dude in the back doesn't know how to make good food. It's because he has to make the most food, and that's really really hard being said.
I just went to a Golden Crow, but a month ago.
It was hidden still hidding, okay, yeah no, So you know they're still an alcohol in there at Golden Corral, which is crazy. I didn't know they could do that.
They're selling alcohol in the Golden Corral.
I'll be honest. I'm I was a old Country buffet boy right as growing up. That was our signature restaurant. I think it's probably regional. It's a Midwest It's it's called different things. Some places it's called hometown buffet. Yeah, some places called country buffet, old country. But I think it's all the same. I think their cousins, the checkers rally, yeah.
Come and go. What's the other one? The rest Tom thumb, it's all the same.
Point being I remember my relationship to all of that food is so childlike that like I remember them like hot ass cinema buns they used to have in there, and I to love those and that was enough reason to like that place.
Yeah.
Yeah, I never knew if they served off alcohol. I just persued they couldn't because I was a kid.
I don't think they did, because it's like I was thinking about it. It's a bad call.
You don't give liquor to those kinds of people.
There's not one place I would rather be drunk less than a buffet. Bro, Like, so.
Sad, Bro, you just gave you just gave him sick shrimp. Who can't wash that down with tequila?
Oh god, oh tequila? And the buffet? That fucking crazy. And I just like I think that that could turn dark so fast.
This ham has been under this light for for hours.
Yeah, cause, like you almost need to be sober at a buffet to show some restraint. You gotta now you're drunken, are come on? Come on, I'm dipping my I'm dipping my shrimp, been fucking soft served.
Come on, you're putting salad dressing on your Chinese. Yeah, it's hey, man, you're being crazy.
It's fucked. I feel the same way. I feel. I'm the opposite of integration when it comes to like like cuisines. Yeah you got it.
I feel like the buffet has to be where prohibition sort of maintains.
Yeah, it's not good. You can't.
Yeah, you can't get drunk at Golden Corral. You should not do that if you are a person who still frequents Golden Kerral. That's okay, no judgment. We are judgment free podcasts. That's not true.
But Sin's judging you pretty hard.
Judging you pretty hard. But that said more importantly, if you are going to the Golden Corral, stay sober, baby.
Yeah, you don't want it. It's just not for you.
That's that's not a low you need to sink too.
You're better than that. Yeah.
Yeah, So you think it sounds like that this conspiracy of white people atrophying is less about a conscious choice on their part and more just sort of what would you say? The cause is?
I think the market got flooded with superior product, you know what I mean?
Yeah, that they were always making these weird freedo pies and now we just know better.
Yeah, and now the internet you can learn how to make anything. Like they're not, you know, they're just like, yeah, let me everybody can make curry.
Now everybody can't make curry.
My alms making curry back in ninety five. Whoa, that was back when curry was illegal.
Yeah, they stop you at the airport, curry.
You getting pulled over, miss man. First person I ever saw with coconut milk. Whoa, that's crazy. Yeah, yeah, I get it.
I didn't know that coconuts could be milked. No, no, no, you milk meat.
Greg. I don't know where.
It was due to a feces thrown all over the walls, the floor, the ceiling, and.
That's just a good Yeah, you had to clean clean house a little bit anyway.
Yeah, so it sounds like you're you're of the belief that this is more about like the a superior product. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I will say that that when we were talking about this out there, the idea was presented that some of this has to do with white people's laziness. That was said, yeah, and and let's be cautious. Let's be careful. Let's make sure that our white listeners don't feel offended by the things that we're saying.
I don't know if we'll go that far.
We want to hurt you, but we don't want to hurt you with our setups. We want to hurt you with our punch.
We want to push you far enough way that you'll still give your money to support.
Us, you know, like an abusive relationship. We love you, and we'll never do it again.
Yeah, it's sometimes Oh no.
That's that if you are being abused called yea.
Unless you're a white person being abused by us, then stay right here, give me money. But no.
It was presented that that perhaps the cause of white people atrophying as as chefs and cooks in general is the result of them just being lazy, That they have accepted a position of of sort of like being served in society, and that they are unwilling to adjust that thinking even as they continue to make bullshit out.
In the world. I think that's a little too simple. I think that that maybe that idea is kind of based more in white supremacy than I wanted to be. Mmm, you know what I mean, Like we're on top, so we just didn't we just stopped trying. It's like, I think it's one. I think there's more going on than.
That, right that, Like it suggests a possibility that like they are in fact kings and Queen's yeah.
As opposed to maybe they're just people who are fucking up right, you know what I'm saying, Like the lazy thing kind of is like yep, we we got on top and now we're lazy and we just say, you know what, I mean as supposed to, so that there's not a problem with them. They don't have to answer for that, you know what I mean. That's fair.
We have seen, certainly historically enough examples of both the rich and the poor being bad at cooking, right, do you know what I mean? In a different way, Yeah, in very different ways. So it does. It does make sense that, you know what I mean, and that's true of all races. I would say, yeah, that like sometimes there is a dangerous propaganda of like black people can cook, white people can't, and that's not true. I know a lot of black motherfuckers that can't cook.
For shit. Well you said it.
I just think on average people, I enjoy black people's food a lot more than I enjoy white people's food. Yeah, you're struggling.
You know. I'm just trying to think about because I have definitely known to the white people who can really cook throw down. But I think, yeah, we're talking about just like on the whole the numbers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, which I wonder. Yeah, that is interesting because it is crazy to me when you meet like a whole family who can't cook. You ever go over to like those kids house when you were a kid, you're like, is what your Yeah, you just you gotta look like he just yeah, I'll be honest.
I mean it's I mean it genuinely.
My father.
One of my favorite dishes that he used to make when I was a kid was something called tomato chicken, and it was.
Just it was just.
It was just a fucking like a weird like uh chicken breast in a skillet with like tomato like out of the can, and it was just like mix it up and lightly seems it and I'll be like, just fucking yeah, it is the best. And in retrospect it wasn't good.
You just like chicken. I like chicken.
I like tomatoes. I was like, these are two things I care for. That's a singless meals.
Yeah, it was well, we're having tomato chicken tonight, tomato chicken. And it's almost like you were there. You truly I should our voices perfectly. Yeah, I figured, how about your dad? You realize God, Yeah, he.
Was making this ship tomato chicken, and I loved it. I don't think it was good. It's got this weird little boy. He loves poetry. He doesn't know what the females like. I got to make a meal fast. Yeah, there's got to be some vegetables in it, apparently tomatoes onion chicken.
Yeah, tomato chicken, tomato chicken.
And I thought it was the fucking best, And now in retrospective, wasn't the best?
Still make tomato chicken? I that he does. We don't.
We don't have meals at at his house anymore when you going back, Yeah, no, we don't. I've never asked him to cook for me ever again, and I don't think he's never been, like, you know, I've been working on the tomato chicken. I got a new recipe, right, So yeah, it's just I think we're all in agreement that like that, that was the act of a of a man just trying to keep it together for for a boy.
Hey, but you know what, tomato cha, you wouldn't be who you are now without me.
I think the tomato chicken really helped shake me into a stronger individual. And and I think maybe if we're bringing this full circle, maybe that's what white people would benefit from. It's a little bit of full acknowledgement that, like, you have been eating tomato chicken this whole time, you guys are that good. It's never been that good. Stop giving yourself stars for fucking award winning meals just because one dude.
But that's what I would argue. I bet there's a lot less in Africa in South America.
Dog, That's what I'm saying. Who is Michelan and who's given out this? You know what I mean, A big old, a big old fluffy white man is giving out those those awards. Who decides the fact that.
He's made out of tires on top of him coming to this French restaurant. Yeah, and he's like, he's pretty good. You know what, you get a star. I don't think so. I don't know.
I've never studied them at all. But the point is I think we would benefit. French food is for poor people, but now they act like it's fancy.
Yeah, it's all just like butter and.
Yeah, it's just they put a butch of butter and then they pour the butter on top of the thing they're cooking until it's I.
Mean, that's how it's.
French food is fucking great.
We should make them get steaks after this.
Come on, man, we having steaks y'all.
Hey, Will Ferrell.
Will Dirty Dog Pharaoh Willie. Yeah, I just say, white people would benefit from being more honest about their relationship with their own food, and then subsequently, maybe we can become they can learn to become better cooks, They can learn to actually embrace the cultures around them by first acknowledging like, hey, we've been putting up ship numbers.
But yeah, yeah, yeah, your mom's castle is kind of bad.
It's not freedom pie ain't a thing. Yeah yeah, yeah, it's wipe your lips, you know. Yeah, there you go like that. Well, it was very recently that it happened because I the fucking ba.
I was just.
I don't want you to look like a fool.
I appreciate it. It's just I had some nuts and then I was like I need more food than and then you had made that nut joke, which made me kind of like hesitant to eat more nuts.
And well, I only made the joke because you screamed out loud scream I love nuts.
I do love nuts, and you shouldn't feel bad about that. It's very healthy.
Now we listen, I am a product of my own community.
He's a tomato chicken man.
I'm a tomato chicken man through and through. I don't know how long we've been doing.
This feels like hours. I feel like we did it. I think it was good.
I think we nailed this perfectly. Yeah, no notes whatsoever.
Ten out of ten.
You want to tell the people where they can find you and what cool shit you have going on?
Cool Guy Joke City seven on Instagram. That's where everything's gonna be at. Oh, when this comes out, you should watch Royal Crackers on Adult Swim and then HBO Max the next day. Hell yeah, yeah that's Max Max. Oh, it's just Max.
It's just Max now Mad Max, Mad Max TV.
What about you?
You can find me at Langston Kerrman on all social media platforms. And if this comes out before February nineteenth, I would love for you to be at my special taping in Chicago at the Green Mill. The tickets are available online. And yeah, I'm gonna be telling jokes for an hour and it's gonna be really fun. And I hope you guys pack it out and make it a great time. And as always, if you want to send us your own drops, your own conspiracies, if you want to send us a recipe of your mother's famous bullshit white food that you think in fact is worth celebrating. Send it all to my mamapod at gmail dot com. We would love to hear from you. That's the whole shebang.
Bye, bitch.
I'd rather check myself before I wrecked myself.
The government, my crow chips in your Kuala bears are racist.
The Hostal layer, Hostal money, Turkey stuff.
I can't tell me
