Hey, do you want to see me in Langston live in the flesh looking cute. We'll come on out to the Allegian Theater where we are doing a live version of My mom and told me the first live version featuring Langston and myself. Hell yeah, my mama told me live David and myself together. We're gonna be doing the damn thing at the Allegian Theater February seven thirty pm. We would love for you to see it. We're gonna have special guests. We're gonna have Q and A. We're gonna throw stuff at the audience. Probably it's gonna be Mayhem. Lanston is gonna numb chuck. I'm bringing my gosh darn numb chucks. So get those tickets www dot Allegian Theater dot com. Backslash Shows Backslash My baba told me, Bam, I think if I was an address, I think it would be a it would be a body positivity piece. Yeah, I can see that, like move over, Lizzo, here's a new starring child, here's a man doing it now. You want to see some butt sheets that need to be out David a rhythmic clapping. Yeah, your racist money can't tell Me. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to another brand new episode of My Mama Told Me, the podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy aries and we worked to prove that the k Y and Ky jelly does in fact stand for Kentucky and it is a proprietary plan invented by slaves. You want our money back. Wait, So, if I'm understanding correctly, what an exciting journey we're on it, you're saying that these slaves thought to use the chicken grease to funk each other. Okay, you said chicken grease. Well you said Kentucky. I immediately went to Kentucky Fried Chicken. I thought you were making two branches happen at once. No, I just meant, I guess I meant that there were slaves in Kentucky. Alright, alright, okay, no, but let's let's play. Let's play a game. So in theory, there are slaves in Kentucky making sex grease, I believe is what it's true. Additionally, called they're making this sex grease, and you're saying that a slave owner, uh, an evil white, not like you good whites who listened to the podcast, whole. You guys are the best whites, fine whites, some of my favorite whites. Uh, there's just people with with whites for lengthstin the whole signs behind me? Where are my whites? Where are my crackers? But you're saying that these evil whites stole that formulas, stole that sex grease formula, and then and then turned it into their own product. Yes, hell yeah, because I mean, what's the one place you would want to put chicken grease beside your mouth? Come on, it's got it tastes good down there a little bit, you know, if I'm gonna make it taste worse, it's gotta help. Well. I'm Legston Cartman, I'm David Bory And and you've come. You've come so far. You've come to a fantastic new episode. And and specifically it is an Langston and David episode. David and Langston, you you pick your poison. And and this is the one where we just talk ship and unpack a few emails. Maybe just let's figure out where our hearts lie in all of this, let's get to the bottom of it. It's January, you know, New Year knew me. Yeah, it's goddamn January. Are you are you? Are you like a new year? Are you like a New Year's resolution person? Uh? Not in a way that would create any real accountability, if that makes sense. Yeah, it's like I I make some resolutions in my head where I'm like, hell, yeah, come on, dog, you can get in shape this year. Hey, big man, let's just let's just in sugar always forever in your life what you need. And the sugar ship is fucking killing me. It's really so bad for you sugar. For me, it's alcohol where I realized I'm like thirty five, and I'm like, oh, nothing new was gonna happen if I get drunk, so I should probably get it. Yeah. I think that's why we started to like become a thing in my life. Was like, damn, these drunk nights are starting to repeat themselves in a way that that it's not even joyful anymore. No, there's nothing new, and there's nothing new, you just getting doored ash late, like yeah, and then you get married and and that becomes so much of like a this is a guaranteed ending to your night that it's like that you can't even go out and get loose because it's like you gotta go home, right. I couldn't even possibly wake up somewhere I didn't expect like the Truly, it is a non factor in my life, and I'm grateful to have a person that makes that a non factor. This is in no way resentful of my wife. But that said, funk, am I doing this for? You? Know what I mean? Like you've stolen a joy that I can't get back, a joy? Did you like, like waking up scared that you got robbed? Maybe? I I think there was a joy in the way that it feels like going through a haunted house, you know what I mean? That's right? Well, yeah, I think, But then you volunteer for that fear and you're like, oh yeah, and I for this. I guess it's exciting. I'm because I'm single as hell. It's I guess it's exciting. Are you still waking up places you didn't know? Are you, like, you know but single? I've been thinking about it because I did a drinking contest last night. I did a drinking contest live show, and I haven't really been drinking like that for a while. And I woke up today with no memory of how the night ended. And I woke up and I came, I came into the kitchen, man, and there was I fried up spam. Oh no, And it's like, from what is this? What? What is this? Isn't even that couldn't have been a good time? Yeah, come on, man, that's not even the best thing you could have fried and not even I have a fridge food and food. I have leafy greens in there. I don't even know where I got the spam. That's crazy. So you didn't just have spam on hand, I assume must. Oh, man, that's that's haunting in either direction. That's what I'm saying, Like, this is a new apartment for you, You don't you don't have to have spam no more. I know you have a good amount of money. Spam is a choice you're making. And then on top of that, if it isn't a choice you're making, if you didn't already have the spam, you were like, I need fucking spam in my blood right now, and then you went and got that. Yeah it's I live above a seven eleven, So I think that was the last one because I remember coming home. And then what I'm saying is you don't want these problems, man, I hear you. I hear you, and I I sort of believe you, and uh and I couldn't be more grateful for what I have and couldn't be more mournful for what I've lost, You know what I mean? Like I get it. I get because it's always like you know, hindsight is right. It looks beautiful in the rear view deciding days, waking up? Did I eat spam? Did I not? Who's this lady? Hell? Yeah? Come on? Man? The the best We all love the finale episode where they start playing the recap of the stuff that happened all throughout the years. You know what I mean, when you look up at the sky and you remember all the things that happened in Martin's apartment before he leaves. Come on, that's that's the best part of the finale. That was the saddest one was that the one where he wrote I'll miss you on the wall. I think he wrote love or peace and love. It was something like more like, uh whatever, but maybe it was I'll miss you. But either way, it was definitely he wrote on the wall, which I think was improvised. I have to assume was more. I don't think Martin was heavily scripted. I'm gonna say, I'm going on record right now. I think they had the plot points of every episode in the think they just kind of like point and shoot. I don't. I will say I cannot think of a sitcom where you can physically visibly see people breaking more often than Martin. Like, nobody was funnier than Martin in address. They could not keep it together to save their lives, and they were kind instantly fucking laughing at whatever this motherfucker was doing. He was so funny, he did everything. Here's where I say, I don't think Dave Chappelle would be funny in address as funny as Martin. Whoa, I said it. I don't think he got I don't whoa. Okay, so you're saying that Chappelle denying the dress like being like black Man in dressed. This is the evil that they put on us. Was less about him like trying to save black Man, and more about him basically being like funck. That nigg is so much funnier than me and address. I'm gonna sabotage the bit entirely. Have you ever seen, professor, This is the funniest thing in the world. I truly. I I yeah, I mean, but that was Eddie, that wasn't Martin. I'm saying, but I'm saying like there's a long line of people really that that even in the line of succession, Martin is ahead of him. But Martin may not even be the master of that that space, right, whereas stand up Chappelle has a real chance of outshining both of them, all of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's better at writing jokes for sure. We're talking about just like nitty gritty getting to address maker happen bro I saw. I saw the Nutty Professor in a movie theater in Atlanta, and it was like, I've never seen anything that happened like that in my life. Sure because you you remember the movie, but you don't remember the first time at the table with a movie theater full of black people, people were throwing like drinks at Yeah, it was you literally went to Mecca to pray. You know what I mean? Like that is it was nobody's ever killed his heart. I love Dave Chappelle, He's never done anything as funny as Eddie Murphy did in that movie theater. Listen, I'm not I don't disagree with this premise at all. I don't the to me that when David was at his funniest as certainly as an actor, and we might be able to debate even as a stand up, was when he was gangly, sort of like silly Chappelle in his youth as as an actor, when he was like more of like a you kick me in the dick and I fall down Chappelle. And then at some point he he elevated beyond being just a get kicked in the dick guy and more of like a buff dude and then a fat dude, and then whatever is in between those two. Yeah, he's a yeah, and he wears the long coats to the match the aesthetic. He wears weird clothes. But there's a stand up thing. Yeah, I think I still respect a stand up who's a bad dresser. So I'm not. I'm if you stand up in your bad dresser, you work hard at the craft, and I like that, keep on, keep on. I'm not a great a dresser. I get it, I get it. I'm just saying, yeah, man, it's like not you can't just put a suit. You can just put a dress on and be funny. There's like if I put on a dress. I don't think it's that funny. I mean, before you could be you know, what I would worry about you in a dress is that it would be taken too seriously. That's and that's what I'm saying. I don't think it would end up being as funny as as I would want it to be. Like you and a sun dress would just be like a fashion choice. I think somebody would write a think piece. I think I would make a whole episode me wearing a dress or a show, and then somebody would write a think piece about how important that work and effort was. And it was a very wearing dress. Yes, like this. It is related to the relationship between black and Asian people coming together. It's like, bro, I just wanted you to see my dick print in a sundress. What are you talking about? Yeah, you would be too serious. Your body is too serious for dresses. Yeah, that's why. And that's that's that's you know across you have to bear. Yeah, No, I think I think it's uh, it's everybody ain't funny and addressed to your point? And so I think Chappelle in address wasn't it They could really do it? And I do think to the grander conspiracy. I don't like the way Chappelle tanked that for for some motherfucker's that could really shine in dresses. Some of the greatest comedy ever has been done addresses. Yeah, man, we we really fell in love with comedy because of nikeds in dresses. And then this old, old, fucking why why is motherfucker was like, I wonder if that's because of racist and it's like, of course it is, David, Yeah, funny. You should read the things I text my mom. All of it's because of racism, But what parts of it are funny and not funny? Let's you this is the core of it. That's all I care about. Put that dress on. But there's a young comedian listen to this and put that dress. Slip on that red dress and some hi he do it. For those of us who can't, come on, man, hashtag put that dress on. Put that hashtag. Put that dress on. So blow up, right, This will turn into some sort of challenge getting put that dress on. Put that dress on. Challenge brought to you by my mama told me. We we challenge you to be to be a pioneer in and uh in black retraction and put that dress on, that dress on you, beautiful man, only if it's funny. Only if it's funny, or if that's who you are. It doesn't matter. We're truly not going to decide. But for the funny people, put that dress on. No buck, dudes, you gotta be soft, buff man, big old muscles popping up the Dressy's gonna focus. Should we should we do an email? Just? Oh yeah, let's do an email. I got, I got, I got lost in the dress of it all. We we before we started, we were we were debating which email to take on. And we have a number. We've been getting a funk ton of emails from you guys, and they've they've been amazing, and we're super grateful for him. So please continue to send your messages. They are not going unnoticed, even if it takes a little while for us to get back to you. But we got an email from a person named Carly. Carly sent us an email that I would argue bordering on smut. I would say that certainly the the subject line of this of this conspiracy theory I think is is smut ish. If I'm not mistaken, I know you do. And so I didn't. I didn't want to say it with any judgment, but I didn't want to point out we're getting smut here. But but the subject of the line is poop in the mouth conspiracy theory, and we all heard that and we were like, yeah, we should probably do. Do you have any any guests as to what this this relates to? Do you does poop in the mouth conspiracy theory trigger anything for you? Not? No, there's no conversations I've had or like, no, the Internet. Sure. The only thing. The only thing that it immediately triggered for me was thinking about like two girls, one cup and fake I have no clue. And frankly, I never made it far enough into the video to be able to like go like, hey, those those poops don't match colors. Something ain't right here. Yeah, it looks very real, and I I can't I can't go back to whatever that was even talking about it now at that time. I want to vomit. Yeah, something like that, oh seven oh eight something that world we didn't know what to do with the Internet yet know. And And frankly, if the fact that people didn't shut it down right then tells you that they did not have good plans for us. No, No, it was unregular. It was the wild Wild Westpact then, because like, all right, not for nothing that that's some black mark it ship right, Like I don't made it, but that's what I'm saying. I think, like for a while in the world that we understood, in the Windows world that we lived in, the presumption was that if you wanted to see two girls each ship out of a cub you paid you you had to go to like a black market dark web space. And then at at some point around two thousand and seven, the black market became the regular ass Internet where they were just like fuck it released the you know what I mean, the archives, and then we just started going on YouTube seeing black market ship you know what I mean. Yeah, that was like because he was like, I've seen gross stuff since, but I had not seen anything grosser at the time. Yeah, that that broke a seal for like I would say, eighty percent of us. Yeah, because once now that you know that that's out there, I got and some of us had to know, and some of us were like, I'm good, I'm going to like join a church and in turn in the opposite direction, and that fucking video I would say holds holds a lot of weight in that responsibility. Yeah, I would like to find them. I wonder if they know what they do. They have two girls, they know they know. I guess that's weird for me to ask, as if you were I gotta find that cup? Do you know what you did? They burn the cup? Imagine the intern that had to wash out that cup after the mess that was made? Where is that true crime documentary? They're talking about everything else? Why don't we have a two girls, one cup video history? Yeah. The fact that they haven't come forward and said like this was abuse, this, this was a violation, tells you something something crazy you had to have had. They haven't been murdered. I think that they I don't know, maybe they're maybe the proud of it. Okay, but but he's great. The word great, it's not a moral word. It's just a word for a size. Yeah. I guess where I start to worry or worry wonder? I guess, is is something that popular? They couldn't have been paid that much, right, So it becomes that no, so so why haven't we heard of any of them coming forward and being like, hey, we never saw enough money on what became truly a worldwide phenomenon. Dog, where are the two girls, one cup girl? Where they are? Where's the cameraman? Back girls and specifically the two girls one cup girl? If that's we gotta make deep, that's a perfect God damn t shirt is bring back our hashtag bring back our Girls, and it's just the image of the two girls one cup ladies right beneath it. Bro. You know what's crazy is they could walk into my apartment right now. I would not recognize it. You wouldn't recognize them because they're not covered in poop. They were covered in poop. People, I know you something I recognize you? Does somebody pup in your mouth? Wait? So what when we talk we're talking about pooping mouth. Yeah, the poop pooping mouth conspiracy. There is what what Carly sent us. Carly sent us this email and she said, Hey, lengths in the David, I love your show. I've been talking shipped to my husband forever, swearing I will email my own conspiracy and finally making it happen. So here we go. I am by rationable. My black mom and her extended family are responsible for most of my upbringing. As kids, my cousins and I were always pushing to finish our plates at meal time, whether you liked what you would you were being served or not. At some point us kids started this thing. We thought we were being slick. I just uh by just holding a big mouthful of food forever without swallowing, presumably in hopes that dinner would end at the UH and the adults would give up on making us finish our plates. When the adults caught onto this ruse, my mama told me that if we kept food in our mouths for too long, it will automatically turn to ship like act tool, physical poop in your mouth. It was devious and insanely effective. Where are you at so far? Where? What are your feelings? I'll finish the email. Let's let's gauge your immediate responses inside of this. Listen. I'm not a docu, right, Okay, here's what I got. Poop is made out of food, That's right. That's as far as I could go on. That's as far as I do. I think that like, if I just kept food in my mouth for a long time, it would turn the poop. No, I think it would smell bad. Mm hmm, But do I think it would turn turn into the same poop that comes out of my But do you think it would smell bad? Like poop bad or like just like like old oats and hot breath type that, Like do you think it's I think it's like have you ever like these those little the tooth the dentech strips? Do you ever these things? Oh? Yeah, those the things that people are are throwing on the street constantly for something. Yeah? Yeah, yeah. What Sometimes I'll pull like a piece of steak or something out with one of these, and it smells pretty bad, and that she has just been there for like twenty minutes, because like if I get a big one, you know, I'll sniff it and like so like extrapolate that over time. I think, I think there's something happens. I don't know. This is a difficult one. It is I I guess where my brain originally went. Is holding food you don't like in your mouth? It would taste like ship? Do you have more difficult than need to? Yeah, it seems like at the point that you've put it in your mouth, you've you've already crossed the threshold. You don't just finished. Good motherfucker. That's what I mean children are. Yeah, that's the craziest part of this to me is like I'll just hold these chiplands in my mouth and that way I don't have to experience them. It's like, no, that's the worst part. Also, that's crazy to me because like maybe I'm crazy. My mom can cook. That's like one thing we never had, like nasty meals, like are you good? My mom could cook. She didn't love doing it, but she could cook. My dad, I think had like four meals that he knew how to handle, and like we would have those pretty consistently. They hit for for my palette then. And and I'm a big fan of my dad. He's a good man, good man, good But I wouldn't say that. I I'd like, go to somebody else's house be like, man, you gotta try my dad's tomato chicken. It's like, I don't I enjoyed it. It was chicken with tomatoes all over it. I don't know again, good good white tomato. I don't know for those two words together. Yeah, what do you want for me? I'm a victim too, So I was like, no, I'm not gonna say, like, you know, great chef, but I enjoyed what we had growing up and and have zero regrets about having ate it, do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, tomato chicken. But that's the thing that's like this Priston's parents food was nasty. Yeah, no, that part is pretty clear. Was like this is nasty food but apparently also nasty because it was so unseasoned and so sort of like blank that it was. You could keep it in your mouth for for sometimes hours at a time to escape responsibility of finishing your plate. Yeah, I don't, but do I think Okay, so back to this conspiracy beery, No, I don't think it would turn mm hmm. I I guess I kind of do I have. If I'm being completely honest, I don't think that it's necessarily gonna take the form that poop does. I think you gotta make it all the way down to the end of the train to to get that blackened. Uh. Yeah, that casion flavoring that that ends up with poop. But I do think that that's it's like the difference between like black and salmon and like and like sushi, do you know what I mean? Like they're still both fish. It's just like this is poop. This is like fucking mush that like is to your point, gonna stink and like be vile in a way. That's like pretty close to book if we if we like had a scientist and a a glass, you know what I mean. I mean, but isn't man, we're talking so much. It's like, but boop is also stripped of all the nutrients. It's like you take all the nutrients out and then your body pushes out the rest. Yeah. And I think that, at least in my understanding, that the more that we cook something right, the more that we heat it, the more that we uh that, the more nutrients are lost into the atmosphere, I guess, into the fire, whatever the funk it is. And similarly, I think when you leave something soaking in a saliva or around bacteria, that's gonna be eating up those nutrients. I think in this case, we're just not absorbing them the way that we would. They're just being resolved in our bullshit mouths. Okay, I mean you don't you have no, I have no. I have no. This is the weirdest conspiracy theory because it's not based in race. Yeah, so I have no like, I have no like people I want to win or lose here. I got you. Let's read on because maybe and and it's worth noting that I do believe Carly said that she was raised by her black mom, yes, and extended family, and so it sounds like they were doing this in a black household. And subsequently it came from a black parent that uh that you got ship in your mouth if you hold it in in your face, I need proof with ship like that, I got you. You need somebody to poop out their mouth and then you're like, God, I got you. Yeah, there it is. She goes on to say. So, I'll be the first to admit that this isn't a textbook inspiracy theory per se, but I certainly believed it and was deceived by it for an embarrassingly long time. I also came to realize there's some poignant themes in there that I didn't really process until I was an adult, something about not letting anything go to waste and not taking food for granted, especially when so many others in our community of lower income black and brown families went without Anyhow, over the years, I always get a good laugh when I tell people about this lie or is it that my mama told me that I thought you guys would get a laugh too much love. Carly, Yeah, Carly, your mama is yeah, she lied to you, probably because you didn't get it. But you know what I see the vision, Mama. I I think that whatever's been, whatever is being kept in your face is equivalent to ship at the point that you would spit it out. And it is not only harmful and wasteful, but it also is basically poop ish. It's poop, It's it's Kidney Barris brings to all of us poopish. Uh. It's a lighter poop. Uh, it's a biracial poop. It's a biracial poop, but it's it's got its own struggles that we were unaware of twenty years ago. Popish Starr, She's back back, baby, You can't if you want to come see my mama told me live at the Allegian Theater on February sixteenth. But you don't live in Los Angeles. Have we got an offer for you. We're live streaming it via moment House. We're doing Q and as you can see me, you can see Langston tell him about it. Please purchase tickets at moment dot c o slash. My mama told me again February six at the Alician Theater, but in your homes for the livestream or the next five days after so by those tickets. Olivia mentioned that there is apparently a disease, a a disorder of sorts. Oh, because if you hold it for too long, when it comes at your mouth. Right, yeah, so well apparently there's something uh yeah, feculent vomiting, uh, fecal being the root word there. If anybody was wondering, uh, where where people throw up poop out of their mouths? I guess unexpectedly, which truly sounds like the worst day. There's no what do you do? Yeah, okay, let's say you're at dinner. Right, let's say let's say you're at a fine Lebanese restaurant and uh, and you you feculent vomit out of your face? Or do you wait for the check? Do you how do you proceed after that? Out? Are you kidding? You? You vomit out of your vomited ship out of your face and then you just stand up and you you just walk, you just meet you never see me again, probably not even on that side of town. To be honest, I won't come back. So you're not moving cities, but you are like a New Borough kind of dude. I'm off that st I got you? Are you kidding me out of my mouth at the time, I'm gone. Ever, well, this is a very real thing that that apparently exists. In the American Journal of Surgery I'm reading now, looks specifically at feculent vombing. Researchers found that throwing up poop, while not common, was associated with some type of intestinal obstruction, including either of the following mechanical intestinal obstruction, a partial or complete blockage of the intestine that's more common in the small bow, paralytic obstruction. With this condition, muscle or nerve problems disrupt the normal muscle contractions of the intestines. A paralytic can can cause symptoms of an intestinal blockage, but there's not a physical blockage. So it sounds like most of this has to do with the intestine more than just you holding it in your mouth and then becoming poop. Right, this is it's got to come out. And they're like, we're going back baby bread, miss bad breath jokes. Remember where there used to be so many bad bread jokes? Yeah, I will say that that one of Uh, it's a bad bread joke that lives in my head forever, and it's it's it happened to a very funny comedian and a friend. So I won't name names, but uh, one time we were leaving we were leaving a concert. It was me, Jack and a few others and this comedian and uh, at one point, out of nowhere, Jack just turned to this dude and was like, dog your breath fucking like ship it's like and we've all been talking about it. Everybody knows that. Come on, man, we gotta do something. And then walk him into a convenience store and and bought him gum in front of like ten people, and like made this big announcement. It was one of the meanest, most effective things that he could have possibly done in that moment. But like, did did you see this guy later? And or was his breath? No? He kept hanging out with us and and it helped. The gum definitely helped. And I feel shame even bringing it up, But it was funny. That is insane. It was truly one of the funniest things that that has ever happened where because he was talking, he was having a good night. We have been to a concert. We were just enjoying some ship and Jack was just like, bro your breath. Everybody looked the secrets out. Man. Everybody knows we've already had private conversations about you gotta that's that's the beauty of Jack. Though, It's like you do have to like he could have not done it, you know what I mean. I wasn't gonna do it. That's a bit. It was just gonna be, you know, I was just gonna have a rough night. I I was like, man, if I drink enough, maybe there's a little you don't smell nothing when you drunk. Yeah, yeah, walked the man into a bodega and said, here fix this. So to your point, I think there's still some bad breath jokes out there. They just think good hitting hit hitting as often as they used to. It was the mainstay of my like childhood. The problem with bad breath is like people could lie about it. Whoa People could be like, oh, he's breath stinks, and then it's like, but does it? Are you just being me? Uh like? Meaning like if I you if I say your breath stinks, but you're not nearby to prove it. I'm just I'm just saying a random thing about you. Like if a woman says that your breath stink, there's no, you can't. There's no rebuttal. Yeah she's just a hater. But but there's no like you coming and being like, no, actually I brushed my teeth. You just didn't like me. Uh you know what I'm saying. It's just like your breast. Then oh you're saying that at the point, there's no rebuttal for the receiver of that. Yeah, there's no, there's no you can't. You can't beat that. Yeah, it does it. It sucks when there. I think it got overused in the nineties, Right, there was a point where like they were constantly telling people their breast things, and it was like, yeah, but you're nowhere near them. We don't even how do you know? Yeah? Yeah, yeah I got watered down. Yeah I got super watered down. But then there was a point to your point where it was like, oh, if somebody said it to you and they were close enough and or like had a context to be able to point it out, it became a thing that you was like a challenge for the rest of your life, right, Right, right, right, right, right, man, we gotta bring that back. I used to carry banaka just out of fear of I don't think it does either. I think you're truly just getting kind of buzzed off of of a listerine. Do they even make it anymore? I think they still make banaca. Yeah, man, that was some fresh ship to do though it's under twenty and you had banaka and that was pretty fresh. You spray a couple of times and it was like, yeah, you end up at a girl's house and you know that that part of the night where you gotta empty your pockets and you pull some but knockout. Yeah, she knows you're on point. She knows you're playing this. This is this is meant to be, baby girl. I was always ready for you, shorty bo later today. Yeah, man, you know what, don't buy it. I'm gonna send you some, but knocka. I'm gonna send you a big old case, man, so you can get back to whatever whatever that is for you. Keep some in the bedside, keeps something in your sock, like an extra gun. Yeah, a little but not a holes th right on your sock. I like to put it in a little pocket. You know the fifth pocket on the wherea goes dollars just in case, because you don't you gotta have you gotta have a hundred dollars in your little pocket, Come on, man. So so it doesn't sound, it doesn't sound like you're you're even still convinced that this is one and this is complicated because this one was not. This isn't a that's not a typical conspiracy theory, you know what I mean. Yeah, I think in this case, it feels like your mom was writing her own contemporary allegories, like in the same way that like Jonas and the Whale. Ain't that his name? Jonah? Jonah and the whale? Is he? He didn't really get swallowed by a whale and then come out of it. But it's a lesson about like faithfulness. Food. Yeah, my used my mom told me if you swallowed chewing gum, and this is a direct quote, it will rub against your gut and you will die. M hmm. And then and I thought it was just me. I talked to my little brother about it recently. She told him the same thing, not based in anything other than don't eat gum, which you shouldn't eat gum. It's really really bad for you. That's what I'm saying, and I think that's where it came from. She was like, if you eat, because you know, I was a kid, I was sucking house in big week you. I'll take your thickest peck, sir, Yes, sir, and the bubble tape to go. Yeah. I I think I think that's one of those where it's like, yeah, technically you will die, but it's not just because of the one piece of bubble gum. You would have to be doing that constantly for a long, active period of time for this to start to have its residual effects. And the point is that it worked to this day. I don't swallow gum. And I think Carly eats aller food. Hell yeah, Carly. We we hope that you are finishing your plate. We hope you have a big old pile of unseasoned pasta in front of you right now, and and you finish it anyway because of fear that you might be shifting shipping out your face. Eat all that tomato chicken. I did, and I like it. BORI do you want to tell other people where they can find you and what cool should you have going on? You can find me a cool guy jokes seven on Instagram. You can also go there because I don't have a list alright, Hell yeah, but I got er stand updates Dallas, San Francisco, Montana. Hell yeah, he's got other ship. He's got some things around listen. More. Most importantly, I would say, we have a live show coming up on February six at the Allegian Theater and and here in Los Angeles. Uh And if at any point you want to buy tickets, do that ship. Why not? It's my mama told me live. We're gonna have guests, we're gonna have games, we're gonna be doing our usual shenanigans and also some very in face in person shenanigans. And you can buy tickets both for the live show to be in the room. And and I think I'm not I'm not speaking out of turn here that we're also going to be doing a live stream of the show and we're gonna make that available on moment House. So if you wanted to see the show, even from your own home, see me and David do our bullshit, and you can. You can buy tickets on a moment House or buy tickets in person. And as always, you can you can follow me at lengths in Kerman and go subscribe to our YouTube hang out bullshit whatever that is, and uh all right as it, by bitch because of growing babies. Crop chips in your qualibars are racist. The most layers mostly money, actually many turkey stuff. I can't tell me

Hey, do you want to see me in Langston live in the flesh looking cute. We'll come on out to the Allegian Theater where we are doing a live version of My mom and told me the first live version featuring Langston and myself. Hell yeah, my mama told me live David and myself together. We're gonna be doing the damn thing at the Allegian Theater February seven thirty pm. We would love for you to see it. We're gonna have special guests. We're gonna have Q and A. We're gonna throw stuff at the audience. Probably it's gonna be Mayhem. Lanston is gonna numb chuck. I'm bringing my gosh darn numb chucks. So get those tickets www dot Allegian Theater dot com. Backslash Shows Backslash My baba told me, Bam, I think if I was an address, I think it would be a it would be a body positivity piece. Yeah, I can see that, like move over, Lizzo, here's a new starring child, here's a man doing it now. You want to see some butt sheets that need to be out David a rhythmic clapping. Yeah, your racist money can't tell Me. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to another brand new episode of My Mama Told Me, the podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy aries and we worked to prove that the k Y and Ky jelly does in fact stand for Kentucky and it is a proprietary plan invented by slaves. You want our money back. Wait, So, if I'm understanding correctly, what an exciting journey we're on it, you're saying that these slaves thought to use the chicken grease to funk each other. Okay, you said chicken grease. Well you said Kentucky. I immediately went to Kentucky Fried Chicken. I thought you were making two branches happen at once. No, I just meant, I guess I meant that there were slaves in Kentucky. Alright, alright, okay, no, but let's let's play. Let's play a game. So in theory, there are slaves in Kentucky making sex grease, I believe is what it's true. Additionally, called they're making this sex grease, and you're saying that a slave owner, uh, an evil white, not like you good whites who listened to the podcast, whole. You guys are the best whites, fine whites, some of my favorite whites. Uh, there's just people with with whites for lengthstin the whole signs behind me? Where are my whites? Where are my crackers? But you're saying that these evil whites stole that formulas, stole that sex grease formula, and then and then turned it into their own product. Yes, hell yeah, because I mean, what's the one place you would want to put chicken grease beside your mouth? Come on, it's got it tastes good down there a little bit, you know, if I'm gonna make it taste worse, it's gotta help. Well. I'm Legston Cartman, I'm David Bory And and you've come. You've come so far. You've come to a fantastic new episode. And and specifically it is an Langston and David episode. David and Langston, you you pick your poison. And and this is the one where we just talk ship and unpack a few emails. Maybe just let's figure out where our hearts lie in all of this, let's get to the bottom of it. It's January, you know, New Year knew me. Yeah, it's goddamn January. Are you are you? Are you like a new year? Are you like a New Year's resolution person? Uh? Not in a way that would create any real accountability, if that makes sense. Yeah, it's like I I make some resolutions in my head where I'm like, hell, yeah, come on, dog, you can get in shape this year. Hey, big man, let's just let's just in sugar always forever in your life what you need. And the sugar ship is fucking killing me. It's really so bad for you sugar. For me, it's alcohol where I realized I'm like thirty five, and I'm like, oh, nothing new was gonna happen if I get drunk, so I should probably get it. Yeah. I think that's why we started to like become a thing in my life. Was like, damn, these drunk nights are starting to repeat themselves in a way that that it's not even joyful anymore. No, there's nothing new, and there's nothing new, you just getting doored ash late, like yeah, and then you get married and and that becomes so much of like a this is a guaranteed ending to your night that it's like that you can't even go out and get loose because it's like you gotta go home, right. I couldn't even possibly wake up somewhere I didn't expect like the Truly, it is a non factor in my life, and I'm grateful to have a person that makes that a non factor. This is in no way resentful of my wife. But that said, funk, am I doing this for? You? Know what I mean? Like you've stolen a joy that I can't get back, a joy? Did you like, like waking up scared that you got robbed? Maybe? I I think there was a joy in the way that it feels like going through a haunted house, you know what I mean? That's right? Well, yeah, I think, But then you volunteer for that fear and you're like, oh yeah, and I for this. I guess it's exciting. I'm because I'm single as hell. It's I guess it's exciting. Are you still waking up places you didn't know? Are you, like, you know but single? I've been thinking about it because I did a drinking contest last night. I did a drinking contest live show, and I haven't really been drinking like that for a while. And I woke up today with no memory of how the night ended. And I woke up and I came, I came into the kitchen, man, and there was I fried up spam. Oh no, And it's like, from what is this? What? What is this? Isn't even that couldn't have been a good time? Yeah, come on, man, that's not even the best thing you could have fried and not even I have a fridge food and food. I have leafy greens in there. I don't even know where I got the spam. That's crazy. So you didn't just have spam on hand, I assume must. Oh, man, that's that's haunting in either direction. That's what I'm saying, Like, this is a new apartment for you, You don't you don't have to have spam no more. I know you have a good amount of money. Spam is a choice you're making. And then on top of that, if it isn't a choice you're making, if you didn't already have the spam, you were like, I need fucking spam in my blood right now, and then you went and got that. Yeah it's I live above a seven eleven, So I think that was the last one because I remember coming home. And then what I'm saying is you don't want these problems, man, I hear you. I hear you, and I I sort of believe you, and uh and I couldn't be more grateful for what I have and couldn't be more mournful for what I've lost, You know what I mean? Like I get it. I get because it's always like you know, hindsight is right. It looks beautiful in the rear view deciding days, waking up? Did I eat spam? Did I not? Who's this lady? Hell? Yeah? Come on? Man? The the best We all love the finale episode where they start playing the recap of the stuff that happened all throughout the years. You know what I mean, when you look up at the sky and you remember all the things that happened in Martin's apartment before he leaves. Come on, that's that's the best part of the finale. That was the saddest one was that the one where he wrote I'll miss you on the wall. I think he wrote love or peace and love. It was something like more like, uh whatever, but maybe it was I'll miss you. But either way, it was definitely he wrote on the wall, which I think was improvised. I have to assume was more. I don't think Martin was heavily scripted. I'm gonna say, I'm going on record right now. I think they had the plot points of every episode in the think they just kind of like point and shoot. I don't. I will say I cannot think of a sitcom where you can physically visibly see people breaking more often than Martin. Like, nobody was funnier than Martin in address. They could not keep it together to save their lives, and they were kind instantly fucking laughing at whatever this motherfucker was doing. He was so funny, he did everything. Here's where I say, I don't think Dave Chappelle would be funny in address as funny as Martin. Whoa, I said it. I don't think he got I don't whoa. Okay, so you're saying that Chappelle denying the dress like being like black Man in dressed. This is the evil that they put on us. Was less about him like trying to save black Man, and more about him basically being like funck. That nigg is so much funnier than me and address. I'm gonna sabotage the bit entirely. Have you ever seen, professor, This is the funniest thing in the world. I truly. I I yeah, I mean, but that was Eddie, that wasn't Martin. I'm saying, but I'm saying like there's a long line of people really that that even in the line of succession, Martin is ahead of him. But Martin may not even be the master of that that space, right, whereas stand up Chappelle has a real chance of outshining both of them, all of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's better at writing jokes for sure. We're talking about just like nitty gritty getting to address maker happen bro I saw. I saw the Nutty Professor in a movie theater in Atlanta, and it was like, I've never seen anything that happened like that in my life. Sure because you you remember the movie, but you don't remember the first time at the table with a movie theater full of black people, people were throwing like drinks at Yeah, it was you literally went to Mecca to pray. You know what I mean? Like that is it was nobody's ever killed his heart. I love Dave Chappelle, He's never done anything as funny as Eddie Murphy did in that movie theater. Listen, I'm not I don't disagree with this premise at all. I don't the to me that when David was at his funniest as certainly as an actor, and we might be able to debate even as a stand up, was when he was gangly, sort of like silly Chappelle in his youth as as an actor, when he was like more of like a you kick me in the dick and I fall down Chappelle. And then at some point he he elevated beyond being just a get kicked in the dick guy and more of like a buff dude and then a fat dude, and then whatever is in between those two. Yeah, he's a yeah, and he wears the long coats to the match the aesthetic. He wears weird clothes. But there's a stand up thing. Yeah, I think I still respect a stand up who's a bad dresser. So I'm not. I'm if you stand up in your bad dresser, you work hard at the craft, and I like that, keep on, keep on. I'm not a great a dresser. I get it, I get it. I'm just saying, yeah, man, it's like not you can't just put a suit. You can just put a dress on and be funny. There's like if I put on a dress. I don't think it's that funny. I mean, before you could be you know, what I would worry about you in a dress is that it would be taken too seriously. That's and that's what I'm saying. I don't think it would end up being as funny as as I would want it to be. Like you and a sun dress would just be like a fashion choice. I think somebody would write a think piece. I think I would make a whole episode me wearing a dress or a show, and then somebody would write a think piece about how important that work and effort was. And it was a very wearing dress. Yes, like this. It is related to the relationship between black and Asian people coming together. It's like, bro, I just wanted you to see my dick print in a sundress. What are you talking about? Yeah, you would be too serious. Your body is too serious for dresses. Yeah, that's why. And that's that's that's you know across you have to bear. Yeah, No, I think I think it's uh, it's everybody ain't funny and addressed to your point? And so I think Chappelle in address wasn't it They could really do it? And I do think to the grander conspiracy. I don't like the way Chappelle tanked that for for some motherfucker's that could really shine in dresses. Some of the greatest comedy ever has been done addresses. Yeah, man, we we really fell in love with comedy because of nikeds in dresses. And then this old, old, fucking why why is motherfucker was like, I wonder if that's because of racist and it's like, of course it is, David, Yeah, funny. You should read the things I text my mom. All of it's because of racism, But what parts of it are funny and not funny? Let's you this is the core of it. That's all I care about. Put that dress on. But there's a young comedian listen to this and put that dress. Slip on that red dress and some hi he do it. For those of us who can't, come on, man, hashtag put that dress on. Put that hashtag. Put that dress on. So blow up, right, This will turn into some sort of challenge getting put that dress on. Put that dress on. Challenge brought to you by my mama told me. We we challenge you to be to be a pioneer in and uh in black retraction and put that dress on, that dress on you, beautiful man, only if it's funny. Only if it's funny, or if that's who you are. It doesn't matter. We're truly not going to decide. But for the funny people, put that dress on. No buck, dudes, you gotta be soft, buff man, big old muscles popping up the Dressy's gonna focus. Should we should we do an email? Just? Oh yeah, let's do an email. I got, I got, I got lost in the dress of it all. We we before we started, we were we were debating which email to take on. And we have a number. We've been getting a funk ton of emails from you guys, and they've they've been amazing, and we're super grateful for him. So please continue to send your messages. They are not going unnoticed, even if it takes a little while for us to get back to you. But we got an email from a person named Carly. Carly sent us an email that I would argue bordering on smut. I would say that certainly the the subject line of this of this conspiracy theory I think is is smut ish. If I'm not mistaken, I know you do. And so I didn't. I didn't want to say it with any judgment, but I didn't want to point out we're getting smut here. But but the subject of the line is poop in the mouth conspiracy theory, and we all heard that and we were like, yeah, we should probably do. Do you have any any guests as to what this this relates to? Do you does poop in the mouth conspiracy theory trigger anything for you? Not? No, there's no conversations I've had or like, no, the Internet. Sure. The only thing. The only thing that it immediately triggered for me was thinking about like two girls, one cup and fake I have no clue. And frankly, I never made it far enough into the video to be able to like go like, hey, those those poops don't match colors. Something ain't right here. Yeah, it looks very real, and I I can't I can't go back to whatever that was even talking about it now at that time. I want to vomit. Yeah, something like that, oh seven oh eight something that world we didn't know what to do with the Internet yet know. And And frankly, if the fact that people didn't shut it down right then tells you that they did not have good plans for us. No, No, it was unregular. It was the wild Wild Westpact then, because like, all right, not for nothing that that's some black mark it ship right, Like I don't made it, but that's what I'm saying. I think, like for a while in the world that we understood, in the Windows world that we lived in, the presumption was that if you wanted to see two girls each ship out of a cub you paid you you had to go to like a black market dark web space. And then at at some point around two thousand and seven, the black market became the regular ass Internet where they were just like fuck it released the you know what I mean, the archives, and then we just started going on YouTube seeing black market ship you know what I mean. Yeah, that was like because he was like, I've seen gross stuff since, but I had not seen anything grosser at the time. Yeah, that that broke a seal for like I would say, eighty percent of us. Yeah, because once now that you know that that's out there, I got and some of us had to know, and some of us were like, I'm good, I'm going to like join a church and in turn in the opposite direction, and that fucking video I would say holds holds a lot of weight in that responsibility. Yeah, I would like to find them. I wonder if they know what they do. They have two girls, they know they know. I guess that's weird for me to ask, as if you were I gotta find that cup? Do you know what you did? They burn the cup? Imagine the intern that had to wash out that cup after the mess that was made? Where is that true crime documentary? They're talking about everything else? Why don't we have a two girls, one cup video history? Yeah. The fact that they haven't come forward and said like this was abuse, this, this was a violation, tells you something something crazy you had to have had. They haven't been murdered. I think that they I don't know, maybe they're maybe the proud of it. Okay, but but he's great. The word great, it's not a moral word. It's just a word for a size. Yeah. I guess where I start to worry or worry wonder? I guess, is is something that popular? They couldn't have been paid that much, right, So it becomes that no, so so why haven't we heard of any of them coming forward and being like, hey, we never saw enough money on what became truly a worldwide phenomenon. Dog, where are the two girls, one cup girl? Where they are? Where's the cameraman? Back girls and specifically the two girls one cup girl? If that's we gotta make deep, that's a perfect God damn t shirt is bring back our hashtag bring back our Girls, and it's just the image of the two girls one cup ladies right beneath it. Bro. You know what's crazy is they could walk into my apartment right now. I would not recognize it. You wouldn't recognize them because they're not covered in poop. They were covered in poop. People, I know you something I recognize you? Does somebody pup in your mouth? Wait? So what when we talk we're talking about pooping mouth. Yeah, the poop pooping mouth conspiracy. There is what what Carly sent us. Carly sent us this email and she said, Hey, lengths in the David, I love your show. I've been talking shipped to my husband forever, swearing I will email my own conspiracy and finally making it happen. So here we go. I am by rationable. My black mom and her extended family are responsible for most of my upbringing. As kids, my cousins and I were always pushing to finish our plates at meal time, whether you liked what you would you were being served or not. At some point us kids started this thing. We thought we were being slick. I just uh by just holding a big mouthful of food forever without swallowing, presumably in hopes that dinner would end at the UH and the adults would give up on making us finish our plates. When the adults caught onto this ruse, my mama told me that if we kept food in our mouths for too long, it will automatically turn to ship like act tool, physical poop in your mouth. It was devious and insanely effective. Where are you at so far? Where? What are your feelings? I'll finish the email. Let's let's gauge your immediate responses inside of this. Listen. I'm not a docu, right, Okay, here's what I got. Poop is made out of food, That's right. That's as far as I could go on. That's as far as I do. I think that like, if I just kept food in my mouth for a long time, it would turn the poop. No, I think it would smell bad. Mm hmm, But do I think it would turn turn into the same poop that comes out of my But do you think it would smell bad? Like poop bad or like just like like old oats and hot breath type that, Like do you think it's I think it's like have you ever like these those little the tooth the dentech strips? Do you ever these things? Oh? Yeah, those the things that people are are throwing on the street constantly for something. Yeah? Yeah, yeah. What Sometimes I'll pull like a piece of steak or something out with one of these, and it smells pretty bad, and that she has just been there for like twenty minutes, because like if I get a big one, you know, I'll sniff it and like so like extrapolate that over time. I think, I think there's something happens. I don't know. This is a difficult one. It is I I guess where my brain originally went. Is holding food you don't like in your mouth? It would taste like ship? Do you have more difficult than need to? Yeah, it seems like at the point that you've put it in your mouth, you've you've already crossed the threshold. You don't just finished. Good motherfucker. That's what I mean children are. Yeah, that's the craziest part of this to me is like I'll just hold these chiplands in my mouth and that way I don't have to experience them. It's like, no, that's the worst part. Also, that's crazy to me because like maybe I'm crazy. My mom can cook. That's like one thing we never had, like nasty meals, like are you good? My mom could cook. She didn't love doing it, but she could cook. My dad, I think had like four meals that he knew how to handle, and like we would have those pretty consistently. They hit for for my palette then. And and I'm a big fan of my dad. He's a good man, good man, good But I wouldn't say that. I I'd like, go to somebody else's house be like, man, you gotta try my dad's tomato chicken. It's like, I don't I enjoyed it. It was chicken with tomatoes all over it. I don't know again, good good white tomato. I don't know for those two words together. Yeah, what do you want for me? I'm a victim too, So I was like, no, I'm not gonna say, like, you know, great chef, but I enjoyed what we had growing up and and have zero regrets about having ate it, do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, tomato chicken. But that's the thing that's like this Priston's parents food was nasty. Yeah, no, that part is pretty clear. Was like this is nasty food but apparently also nasty because it was so unseasoned and so sort of like blank that it was. You could keep it in your mouth for for sometimes hours at a time to escape responsibility of finishing your plate. Yeah, I don't, but do I think Okay, so back to this conspiracy beery, No, I don't think it would turn mm hmm. I I guess I kind of do I have. If I'm being completely honest, I don't think that it's necessarily gonna take the form that poop does. I think you gotta make it all the way down to the end of the train to to get that blackened. Uh. Yeah, that casion flavoring that that ends up with poop. But I do think that that's it's like the difference between like black and salmon and like and like sushi, do you know what I mean? Like they're still both fish. It's just like this is poop. This is like fucking mush that like is to your point, gonna stink and like be vile in a way. That's like pretty close to book if we if we like had a scientist and a a glass, you know what I mean. I mean, but isn't man, we're talking so much. It's like, but boop is also stripped of all the nutrients. It's like you take all the nutrients out and then your body pushes out the rest. Yeah. And I think that, at least in my understanding, that the more that we cook something right, the more that we heat it, the more that we uh that, the more nutrients are lost into the atmosphere, I guess, into the fire, whatever the funk it is. And similarly, I think when you leave something soaking in a saliva or around bacteria, that's gonna be eating up those nutrients. I think in this case, we're just not absorbing them the way that we would. They're just being resolved in our bullshit mouths. Okay, I mean you don't you have no, I have no. I have no. This is the weirdest conspiracy theory because it's not based in race. Yeah, so I have no like, I have no like people I want to win or lose here. I got you. Let's read on because maybe and and it's worth noting that I do believe Carly said that she was raised by her black mom, yes, and extended family, and so it sounds like they were doing this in a black household. And subsequently it came from a black parent that uh that you got ship in your mouth if you hold it in in your face, I need proof with ship like that, I got you. You need somebody to poop out their mouth and then you're like, God, I got you. Yeah, there it is. She goes on to say. So, I'll be the first to admit that this isn't a textbook inspiracy theory per se, but I certainly believed it and was deceived by it for an embarrassingly long time. I also came to realize there's some poignant themes in there that I didn't really process until I was an adult, something about not letting anything go to waste and not taking food for granted, especially when so many others in our community of lower income black and brown families went without Anyhow, over the years, I always get a good laugh when I tell people about this lie or is it that my mama told me that I thought you guys would get a laugh too much love. Carly, Yeah, Carly, your mama is yeah, she lied to you, probably because you didn't get it. But you know what I see the vision, Mama. I I think that whatever's been, whatever is being kept in your face is equivalent to ship at the point that you would spit it out. And it is not only harmful and wasteful, but it also is basically poop ish. It's poop, It's it's Kidney Barris brings to all of us poopish. Uh. It's a lighter poop. Uh, it's a biracial poop. It's a biracial poop, but it's it's got its own struggles that we were unaware of twenty years ago. Popish Starr, She's back back, baby, You can't if you want to come see my mama told me live at the Allegian Theater on February sixteenth. But you don't live in Los Angeles. Have we got an offer for you. We're live streaming it via moment House. We're doing Q and as you can see me, you can see Langston tell him about it. Please purchase tickets at moment dot c o slash. My mama told me again February six at the Alician Theater, but in your homes for the livestream or the next five days after so by those tickets. Olivia mentioned that there is apparently a disease, a a disorder of sorts. Oh, because if you hold it for too long, when it comes at your mouth. Right, yeah, so well apparently there's something uh yeah, feculent vomiting, uh, fecal being the root word there. If anybody was wondering, uh, where where people throw up poop out of their mouths? I guess unexpectedly, which truly sounds like the worst day. There's no what do you do? Yeah, okay, let's say you're at dinner. Right, let's say let's say you're at a fine Lebanese restaurant and uh, and you you feculent vomit out of your face? Or do you wait for the check? Do you how do you proceed after that? Out? Are you kidding? You? You vomit out of your vomited ship out of your face and then you just stand up and you you just walk, you just meet you never see me again, probably not even on that side of town. To be honest, I won't come back. So you're not moving cities, but you are like a New Borough kind of dude. I'm off that st I got you? Are you kidding me out of my mouth at the time, I'm gone. Ever, well, this is a very real thing that that apparently exists. In the American Journal of Surgery I'm reading now, looks specifically at feculent vombing. Researchers found that throwing up poop, while not common, was associated with some type of intestinal obstruction, including either of the following mechanical intestinal obstruction, a partial or complete blockage of the intestine that's more common in the small bow, paralytic obstruction. With this condition, muscle or nerve problems disrupt the normal muscle contractions of the intestines. A paralytic can can cause symptoms of an intestinal blockage, but there's not a physical blockage. So it sounds like most of this has to do with the intestine more than just you holding it in your mouth and then becoming poop. Right, this is it's got to come out. And they're like, we're going back baby bread, miss bad breath jokes. Remember where there used to be so many bad bread jokes? Yeah, I will say that that one of Uh, it's a bad bread joke that lives in my head forever, and it's it's it happened to a very funny comedian and a friend. So I won't name names, but uh, one time we were leaving we were leaving a concert. It was me, Jack and a few others and this comedian and uh, at one point, out of nowhere, Jack just turned to this dude and was like, dog your breath fucking like ship it's like and we've all been talking about it. Everybody knows that. Come on, man, we gotta do something. And then walk him into a convenience store and and bought him gum in front of like ten people, and like made this big announcement. It was one of the meanest, most effective things that he could have possibly done in that moment. But like, did did you see this guy later? And or was his breath? No? He kept hanging out with us and and it helped. The gum definitely helped. And I feel shame even bringing it up, But it was funny. That is insane. It was truly one of the funniest things that that has ever happened where because he was talking, he was having a good night. We have been to a concert. We were just enjoying some ship and Jack was just like, bro your breath. Everybody looked the secrets out. Man. Everybody knows we've already had private conversations about you gotta that's that's the beauty of Jack. Though, It's like you do have to like he could have not done it, you know what I mean. I wasn't gonna do it. That's a bit. It was just gonna be, you know, I was just gonna have a rough night. I I was like, man, if I drink enough, maybe there's a little you don't smell nothing when you drunk. Yeah, yeah, walked the man into a bodega and said, here fix this. So to your point, I think there's still some bad breath jokes out there. They just think good hitting hit hitting as often as they used to. It was the mainstay of my like childhood. The problem with bad breath is like people could lie about it. Whoa People could be like, oh, he's breath stinks, and then it's like, but does it? Are you just being me? Uh like? Meaning like if I you if I say your breath stinks, but you're not nearby to prove it. I'm just I'm just saying a random thing about you. Like if a woman says that your breath stink, there's no, you can't. There's no rebuttal. Yeah she's just a hater. But but there's no like you coming and being like, no, actually I brushed my teeth. You just didn't like me. Uh you know what I'm saying. It's just like your breast. Then oh you're saying that at the point, there's no rebuttal for the receiver of that. Yeah, there's no, there's no you can't. You can't beat that. Yeah, it does it. It sucks when there. I think it got overused in the nineties, Right, there was a point where like they were constantly telling people their breast things, and it was like, yeah, but you're nowhere near them. We don't even how do you know? Yeah? Yeah, yeah I got watered down. Yeah I got super watered down. But then there was a point to your point where it was like, oh, if somebody said it to you and they were close enough and or like had a context to be able to point it out, it became a thing that you was like a challenge for the rest of your life, right, Right, right, right, right, right, man, we gotta bring that back. I used to carry banaka just out of fear of I don't think it does either. I think you're truly just getting kind of buzzed off of of a listerine. Do they even make it anymore? I think they still make banaca. Yeah, man, that was some fresh ship to do though it's under twenty and you had banaka and that was pretty fresh. You spray a couple of times and it was like, yeah, you end up at a girl's house and you know that that part of the night where you gotta empty your pockets and you pull some but knockout. Yeah, she knows you're on point. She knows you're playing this. This is this is meant to be, baby girl. I was always ready for you, shorty bo later today. Yeah, man, you know what, don't buy it. I'm gonna send you some, but knocka. I'm gonna send you a big old case, man, so you can get back to whatever whatever that is for you. Keep some in the bedside, keeps something in your sock, like an extra gun. Yeah, a little but not a holes th right on your sock. I like to put it in a little pocket. You know the fifth pocket on the wherea goes dollars just in case, because you don't you gotta have you gotta have a hundred dollars in your little pocket, Come on, man. So so it doesn't sound, it doesn't sound like you're you're even still convinced that this is one and this is complicated because this one was not. This isn't a that's not a typical conspiracy theory, you know what I mean. Yeah, I think in this case, it feels like your mom was writing her own contemporary allegories, like in the same way that like Jonas and the Whale. Ain't that his name? Jonah? Jonah and the whale? Is he? He didn't really get swallowed by a whale and then come out of it. But it's a lesson about like faithfulness. Food. Yeah, my used my mom told me if you swallowed chewing gum, and this is a direct quote, it will rub against your gut and you will die. M hmm. And then and I thought it was just me. I talked to my little brother about it recently. She told him the same thing, not based in anything other than don't eat gum, which you shouldn't eat gum. It's really really bad for you. That's what I'm saying, and I think that's where it came from. She was like, if you eat, because you know, I was a kid, I was sucking house in big week you. I'll take your thickest peck, sir, Yes, sir, and the bubble tape to go. Yeah. I I think I think that's one of those where it's like, yeah, technically you will die, but it's not just because of the one piece of bubble gum. You would have to be doing that constantly for a long, active period of time for this to start to have its residual effects. And the point is that it worked to this day. I don't swallow gum. And I think Carly eats aller food. Hell yeah, Carly. We we hope that you are finishing your plate. We hope you have a big old pile of unseasoned pasta in front of you right now, and and you finish it anyway because of fear that you might be shifting shipping out your face. Eat all that tomato chicken. I did, and I like it. BORI do you want to tell other people where they can find you and what cool should you have going on? You can find me a cool guy jokes seven on Instagram. You can also go there because I don't have a list alright, Hell yeah, but I got er stand updates Dallas, San Francisco, Montana. Hell yeah, he's got other ship. He's got some things around listen. More. Most importantly, I would say, we have a live show coming up on February six at the Allegian Theater and and here in Los Angeles. Uh And if at any point you want to buy tickets, do that ship. Why not? It's my mama told me live. We're gonna have guests, we're gonna have games, we're gonna be doing our usual shenanigans and also some very in face in person shenanigans. And you can buy tickets both for the live show to be in the room. And and I think I'm not I'm not speaking out of turn here that we're also going to be doing a live stream of the show and we're gonna make that available on moment House. So if you wanted to see the show, even from your own home, see me and David do our bullshit, and you can. You can buy tickets on a moment House or buy tickets in person. And as always, you can you can follow me at lengths in Kerman and go subscribe to our YouTube hang out bullshit whatever that is, and uh all right as it, by bitch because of growing babies. Crop chips in your qualibars are racist. The most layers mostly money, actually many turkey stuff. I can't tell me