My Momma Told MeInterview With a Vampire in a Shiny Suit: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode
Langston and David answer a listener's email about Steve Harvey being an energy vampire.
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Motherfucking Mini Yeah sol Mini episode, motherfucking Mini eeai.
Se step back here, dancing kind of CLOSEI I feel a little pop coming through on you. There it is there, it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told.
Me, the podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories.
And we finally worked to prove the theories that you the listener have at home. It's a motherfucker MANI wow, I'm like Stink.
Kerman, I'm David Boy.
And we we have an exciting email from someone, this this one you mentioned. Immediately you were like, there's a new email in that piqued your interest, and I immediately shouted out the subject line right back at you, and we were both like, hell, yeah, that's the correct one.
Because when I saw it, I was like, oh, this one's going. Like you know, sometimes you'll just see like the headline come in, you'll kind of scan it and you'll be like, oh, this ain't on ship. That one was immediately like, Oh, this one's this one's going to the show.
Yeah the distance, buddy, you just made it to the big lead.
Yeah, welcome to the NFL. Rookie.
We got an email from a person named h Joff Jeff Joff, I don't know their name.
Sucks. It's g e O f F.
I hate it, Jeff is probably how you say it, But tell me, tell me how that math checks out, Jeff g offf Either way, golf. None of it feels right, and I hate saying it out loud. That said, I do like what you wrote here, Goff. You wrote us a letter that says, dear Langston, David, and you start hot. You come in very hot with this ship. You say, hypothesis Steve Harvey is an energy vampire. Yeah, and that that piqued my interest.
I was already in. I was already had a hypothesis, Steve, I was always gonna hear you out. I was always gonna hear you out.
If your hypothesizing about Steve Harvey, You've got my ear for sure.
Come in.
He goes on to say, I had been thinking about this for a while. We know you had, and wanted to know what you thought. Is it possible that Steve Harvey, early in his career met upon meeting Richard Pryor, attempting to absorb and replace him, but was caught in the act, thus leaving Prior in an ailing state. Holy shit. Harvey then would go on to feed off of Prior in a tracula type fashion, gaining a familiar mustache and eyebrows and even similar comedy beats, but never truly completing the process, despite self proclaiming himself as an original king of comedy. After Prior's passing, Harvey didn't have anyone left to absorb powers from, lost his hair and turned to a daytime network television working multiple turn two daytime network television, working multiple shows at living and living off the energy his live studio audiences and family feud contestants just to stay alive again. Just the theory, g Off.
So I want to say, first of all, I love this theory. Second of all, g Off gotta leave the house. Dog gotta yeah, yeah, you gotta very alone.
Bit.
You gotta get out of the basement. This is not a good look. Your mom pissed. You still live there, bro, you gotta go out and live live.
Them on man. Just because you write hypothesis and the email, don't mean you ain't in your basement.
No, I could feel I could feel the cheeto dust from here. It's like a hoof. But it's this took work. Yeah, No, that's what I mean. Like most emails are like something you could tell somebody like wrote it on their lunch hower or something like that. This was this was This is a fully formed idea.
This was weighing heavy on Geoff's heart in a way that, uh, that is a little unnerving. But I also think it leaves us with a little bit of responsibility to keep g Off happy so that he doesn't become, uh, something far more sinister out in society.
No, there's definitely a possibility he could kill us and him.
This is one of the first people I've been genuinely afraid of that's ever written us speaking.
Can I tell you something funny. This is yeah, yeah, we should keep him. Dogon the guy. He came and saw me in Raleigh and you can't tell by his picture huge he's so guy and I was like, I was like dogon right, and he's like no, I'm Carlo Sex And for a minute, like for a minute, ship went cold.
Oh fuck, You're like, oh no, guy.
Yeah. It turns out that X stands for times. It's short for XXL. Dude, Dogan big, big person, big person.
I love that.
But anyways, yeah, keep going.
Sorry do gun is responsible for those that are underware. Dogun is responsible for our beautiful cover art. Don Dogan submitted it just on some fan ship and we loved it so much that we we asked them to make a lot of tweaks to it and make it look cool or then they had already made it. But but it's gorgeous, and uh, they are solely responsible for it.
Yeah. I also bought a piece of art from them later. But anyways, oh fuck, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got a little gay. Yeah, I got all right, I got both many talents. You you're a wild boy. But yeah, so back to this, how do you feel about it? I'm curious to see what you think. Here's what I love.
I love the the the basic framing of the hypothesis of Steve Harvey is an energy vampire, and it does that rings sort of true, like he is a person who has sort of built a career on a very specific type of hosting that is exceptional.
I don't want to even begin for.
A second to suggest that he is not good at what he's doing, but it does feel like he is almost using the power of these unsuspecting white people to sort of like build up more of his his own essence. And it even the transitions we've seen of the big ass suits into becoming almost like this weird old nigga model.
Yeah, he's like, it's sexy. Now, he's real sexy.
He takes his shirt off sometimes and it's like, yeah, are you.
Gonna take your shirt off? You shouldn't be wearing Michael Jordan's jeans.
No, and smoking a cigar and telling me I need to stop, I need to wake up earlier.
It all feels wrong. Yeah, but I hate that. I just googled Steve Harvey topless. Oh, it's it's disturbing. Shit, I can't wait to see you discover what that looks like. I had seen it before, I thought it was gonna be different. No, it's what's so funny about it. Not even that it's bad, it's just really weird, that's what's funny about it.
It's like I think sometimes we talked about this with Bismarcky where he took his shirt off and we were all like, fuck, fuck, put your shirt back on. This is a sin, we hate this. But with Steve Harvey, it just feels more like is this real or is this like photoshop?
Yeah? Why you body? It's so and like the light is strange. He's all oily.
Yeah, it's it's unnerving more than it is like gross.
Yeah, it sucks though it don't get it twisted.
It's what's that thing where like, uh, where they make something looked not human enough in it has an Uncanny Valley quality to it. Definitely Steve Harvey with his shirt off his real uncanny Valley vibes.
Like it doesn't like it feels like it doesn't move, like it looks like an action figure posed in this position, you know what I'm saying, But doesn't look like it'll go like a body goes. No, Yeah, it feels like.
It feels like it came out of a cryogenic chamber before it was ready fully cooked.
Yeah, it looks like stiff, you know what it looks like. It looks like somebody who's like not terrible but not great at clay. Maybe yeah, like you're in clay too, but you're not in advanced clay like that's.
Yeah, and you're the best in your class. You still are not particularly like you're not. This isn't gonna be a career for you in six months.
You you know what I mean. You're as good as you can be at that point, and you're just trying to get at the house anyways, get ready, get it away from these kids. Sometimes this always started as a hobby.
And and you're grateful that you've advanced, and your teacher seems impressed by your work.
Exactly that, exactly that.
Yeah, No, it's it's fucked up down there, uh for.
Old Stevie hunder his shirt anywhere but below the collar, beneath that big ass suit. Well now it's like it's like tight page. I don't like him sexy. I really don't like him sexy. I don't Oh, you don't like him sexy? I don't like it at all.
I I actually do like him sexy. I think it's funny in a way that I never expected he could be funny. I think it was it had become sort of a hacky trope to make fun of his big suits and all the buttons and the shine. And now we get to make fun of a different version of Steve Harvey where he's like wearing like bell bottoms and then open belly belly shirt and it's like.
Huh, what, what the fuck is this? What the fuck is this? Grandpa? Why are you? Why are you doing that? That's very true. I actually really like him sexy. But but I get why other people don't. I get it. That said, I think I stop.
I think I start to jump off of this conspiracy, or rather I have trouble inside of this conspiracy. When Richard Pryor is introduced as the source of his strength.
Yeah, because also why only prior, like he spent a lot of time around a lot of people. Like if it was me and I was concocting, I would have said that he sucked Merlin Santana to death. WHOA, that's what? Because remember Merlin was young when that show started, right, Also, somebody in the barbershops said that that's Jewel Santana's little brother, and at first I got mad, but I was like, maybe or big brother. But I don't think Jewel Santana's real last name is Santana.
Yeah, I was that. I don't think he's Santana legally. And I'm not even sure Merlin Santana was Santana legally.
I mean, he wasn't Merlin legally. But then, now that you think about it, they they they do look a little bit of light. It's like one of those New York Speak Spanish too kind of vibe.
No, they're they're not not Laarn. Luis James is Joelle's government name. And what about Ewis, It's probably Lewis Laarn. Lewis James is Joel Santana's government name.
Okay, and what about Merlin Santana. That's Olivia Orlando Santana.
Santando is, Oh that's his real name, Santana.
Fuck yeah, man, I would have never guessed that in a million years that Nigga was too magical for this earth. Yeah. He was also like maybe a little too handsome.
He was gorgeous.
He was really a pretty guy. He was a.
Gorgeous man, and he he could hit them punchlines in a way that I don't think we give him enough credit for.
Merlin Santana was hilarious. He was really funny. He's also comedic timing. He was also a child actor. Remember he was also like he was on.
The No, he was a sexy person for a long time in media. You know what, Yeah, sorry, go ahead, No, I said everything I needed to say. I wanted to fuck him for years.
I just I feel like Merlin Santana, not a lot of people make the jump from this, yeah, yeah, no, please, not a lot of people. A lot of people make the jump from a sexy boy to.
Know.
I think that's true.
But you know, I mean, I just I'm you one bit.
I agree with you. I think Jonathan Taylor Thomas is a great example of somebody that could not make that transitions all of what they empowered him to be.
I think Macaulay Kulchin.
You know, there's there's a there's a fair amount of examples of kids who sort of got positioned as like the the teen magazine heart throb that then just become duds of like adults.
Oh yeah, that little boy from the Fresh Friends now Little Nikki. Yeah, he looks like the Little Niki because that nigga looks like a devil.
His head just got wider and wider.
Shape didn't change though, No, he is. He is gruesome.
And my favorite part of that, my favorite part of that Fresh Print special is when they bring him back out and you can see every member of the cast have to like hold back their their.
Fucking ewes and yucks when he comes from behind the wall because he's just so hard to look at. They're like, oh wow, oh hey Nikki, Hey little Nikki.
Hey what you were doing? Oh that's you? Oh good for you.
You're still here, Okay.
Man Will Smith didn't want to hug him, No, they just tapped him up like a stranger. Fucking Google, Denver, Colorado. Are you lucky? Or what my Mama told me? Is doing a live show this Friday night as part of the High Plains Comedy Festival. We're gonna be at the High Dive at seven South Broadway in Denver Friday night, September twenty second, eight to nine thirty. For tickets, go ahead and go on to High Claytonscomedyfestival dot com. That's h I g H P L A I and Ascomedyfestival dot Com.
No, I think to your point, there there are other people who are likely a source for Steve Harvey's energy vampire shit, and I don't know him and Richard Pryor to have maintained any version of like a d relationship to justify that connection. Even Bernie Mack feels like a go to then Richer Pryor.
Well, I mean did I and I don't. Maybe I don't know my history. Well, no, because Steve Harvey kind of came up way late. Steve Harvey kind of rose the prominence in the nineties right like started in the eighties, roaster prominence in the nineties. That's like they probably never really interaction.
But I think I think if I am playing a little bit of the game that our boy g offf here is playing, I think there is a logic that says that if I'm taking his energy, I am taking it slowly. And so we're seeing Richard Pryor slowly be depleted of sort of the character he started as as we're watching Steve Harvey rise to success, you know what I mean, Like, think about Richard Pryor and Harlem Knights, that ain't the Richer Pryor we loved, you know what I mean. That's a much more timid sort of like ed Richer Pryor.
I mean I do love that movie. But yeah, it's not the toy.
He's never he's never like fun in that movie. He's just a serious man kind of doing bits.
Yeah, low energy, he's sort of slurring. Yeah. You know what I liked was Brewster's Millions.
Okay, you're a big Richard Pryor film buff.
Don't make it like that. It wasn't shameful.
I'm just noticing how much you love the the the classics of Richard Pryor.
Well, I like Brewster's Millions because when he got all that money, John Candy, who was a catcher on their baseball team, bought a chain with a catcher's mid on it. Like yeah, right, Okay, I didn't know this movie was gonna be relatable. Me and John Candy got the same plans.
All right, So, g OFFF I guess personally, Well, what do you think we have not impacked your your position in this No?
I don't think so. I don't. I I like, you know, a for effort. I love the imagination on this one. I love the distance that you had at Span. I don't, I don't. I just don't think this one has as much legs as maybe it could. Mm hmm, yeah, I think.
I think if Goff, we are unaware of a connection between Steve Harvey and Richard Pryor that you know of, and clearly you've had time to think about this in a depth that we are unable to think about it. Virgins, I'm too busy, smash and puss Geoff. That said, if you are in fact aware of a connection that exists, we'd love to hear about it, because I do think maybe there's something to it if that connection is there. But without the connection, it's sort of hard to make that leap of Richard Pryor other than him just taking the mustache. And also, to be clear, Steve Harvey has been balled the entire time he was lying to us. That was a wig throughout the entire Steve Harvey Show. It was a little final We wanted it to be it. He's come forward. We know now it was. That was a lie. Yeah, I man, it makes me worry for Martin. Oh you think Martin's lying to us too?
I mean, remember how on point his hair. Nobody ever gives them credit for how good his hair was in that show.
Yeah, you're the you're the biggest Martin haircut advocate I've ever met.
If I'm being honest with you, it's it's so odd because to me it's so obviously, but people they really don't give him a shine for the like not a hair out of play, is crazy, perfectly sculpted.
Yeah, I think Martin's natch hairline was was wider than the average black man wants theirs to be, and so they don't look to him as a source.
Even though because it's not.
It's not just a straight you know what I mean, like perfect lineup, but it was perfect for him, like he never had a hair out of place. It was a great haircut. But I would never go, like, you know what, I want my hairline to look like Martin Lawrence.
Well, it's not just a hairline thing. It's a fade thing. It's a length was immaculate, like it's a there's a lot to it, you know that. I mean, come on, we all understand. Yeah, No, you don't have to convince me.
I think I'm just saying that, Like when I list my kings that I'm I'm going to point to and say, if I had to remake my hair, I wanted to look like that. Martin Lawrence would never be that choice.
Who's your number one? I just out of curiosity?
Damn, that is a good question, and frankly, I don't I don't know that I have a great answer. I think there was a period where I thought Will Smith had a great haircut, But in retrospect, I don't think that that's true at all.
I don't either. I think I think his I think his went further back than you would want it.
Bad Boys era Will Smith, like the first Bad Boys movie. He had a pretty gorgeous haircut.
In that movie. Was it just a high top fade?
I don't know, man, it felt like there was more to it. You're you're being reductive.
I celebrated your boy. Now, don't sorry, don't turn on me.
You know who has a gorgeous haircut? Is uh?
What's his name? Javonte? What's what's the nigga? F Yeah?
The motherfucker from Moon Moonlight? No, no, No, what's the other one?
Yeah?
Oh?
What is his name? He that is a good fuck? What's his name? That is a good haircut.
Okay, Oh, Travonte Rhodes, that's his name. Yeah, that is a good haircut.
That shit is clean.
It comes yeah, yeah, he always coming clean.
Yeah, it's like everywhere it's supposed to be, because I've been noticing mine is like the whole thing isn't receding. But I got like a weird little chunk over here. And as I yeah, and as I get older, it's getting more and more prominent, which I don't care. I put the Beijing in. I don't give a ship.
Oh yo, would you would you fly to Dubai and get it fits fixed? Like Tracy McGrady, would you do the whole like the Journey back to Freedom.
It's not that crazy. It's not that it's like it's like because I just you can see it because I haven't had a cut. Yeah, yeah, it's it's just one problem. Like the other side doesn't have it, so it's like, nah, I think it's just like I just got to be a guy with the kind of faulty hairline. I feel bad about it. I get cuts all the time and I wear hats so much. It's like, no, I've never I've never noticed it. And that's the thing ever stood out to me. That's the thing, because like if I keep like right, when I get a cut, it's like a few days, you know, it takes a few days, but then you get to notice it. But I don't think it's receding because it's not on the other side. Yeah, or you're just receding.
Cool.
Yeah, I'm like when they put the one bib up on the overall yeah, yeah, I don't know.
I've always said that if I start to lose my shit, I'm just gonna shave it all off. But now I see the technology that they're able to to like fully just reinstate your hair and not in a bosly you know what I mean. There used to be the bosly treatment, but it would like it looked like lego hair, and you're like, I don't want.
To fucking look silly. I just want my hair back kind of thing.
But now you look at some of these old NBA players and they fully just fix their shit, and it's like, I don't know, bro, if I get the money, I might just get my shit back.
Yeah, I get it, man, go go go full Jalen mm hmmm yeah why not? Yeah? He went all those years bald yo, he invented the bald. Yeah. They were like you know what I mean, like they were that was their thing, and then now he came back and it's it's he looks crazy.
Nah, he really, He's like he's trying to be Steve Harvey with the hairline, and it's like something happened, big dog, and they're they're using a lot of chemicals in Beijing and ship to fix it. But there's something else happening there.
Oh yeah. Like the color on it is sort of too. It's so good that you're like, oh, I don't know, you know what I mean when like these people out of it's like a deep, rich black where you're.
Like, I know, Jeleen Jellen Roses air is almost purple.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, moonlight colored air.
Well, Geoff, I don't know if any of this is helpful to your conspiracy, but it does sound like if we if we can give Goff a little bit of the flowers he deserves. It does sound like we're not opposed to the idea of Steve Harvey being an energy vampire. Historically, he has hosted literally everything and almost seems to gain strength despite the massive backsteps that he sometimes takes in his hosting responsibilities. We watched him fuck up Miss America and then somehow become more powerful. We watched him write letters to his staff where he told him don't make eye contact with me, and that should be a death sentence. It literally was for Ellen. And yet somehow Steve Harvey remains fucking infallible. He is unbeatable, and maybe it does feel like a vampiric level of strength. That said, I just don't know that Richard Pryor is the source.
Yeah, yeah, I've yeah, put the words right out of my mouth than you want to tell the people where they can find you on what goals you have going on? I'm my Instagram Cool guy Jokes eighty seven. Come see me on tour on the road September twenty six, September twenty second, Friday, September twenty second, we are doing a live my mama told me in Denver. It's my city. Don't fuck this up. Come out please Friday night, eight pm at the High Dive address to seventh South Broadway, Denver, Colorado. You can go to High Planescomedyfestival dot com. That's h I G H P l a i Nscomedyfestival dot com and go to the schedule and find us and buy tickets. Come out and see it's Denver. We will really like it. We're gonna have.
I don't know if that's sure, if we'll have anymore.
We might have sold all our hats.
I think we sold all the hats. But that said, we will be handing out sweet sweet hugs kisses directly on the lips, no tongue. We're not sluts. We'll pitch your cheek though, but come on, we're not fighting it. But we would love to see you at the High Planes Festival and the live show. It would be great. It would be a while to come out. Also, I'm gonna be selling my merch there because Papa needs to recoup, so I'll be selling exclusive tour merch. You can't buy it after the tour is over. So yeah, I'm selling it in my home down to people I know.
Listen, I'll stand next to them and big up the merch.
I don't give a shit.
You guys, some I'll get you. I'll give you one of those cups. Yeah please, Yeah, it is good.
And if you want to follow me, follow me at Langston Herman and if you want to see me live. Besides our live show, you can see me at the House of Comedy and New Westminster, British Columbia October thirteenth and the fourteenth, and then October twentieth and twenty first, I'll be at Dead Croke Comedy in Wilmington, North Carolina, and then Burlington, Vermont, I'll be there November tenth and eleventh at the Vermont Comedy Club. And then finally I'll be at Hyenas Comedy Nightclub in Dallas, Texas November seventeenth and eighteenth. Any and all of those shows, I would love to see you there, and more importantly, if you want to send us your own conspiracy theories, if you want to send us your own drops, if you want to prove the connection between Steve Harvey's mustache and Richard Pryor's mustache, then send it all to Mamma Pod at gmail dot com. We would love to hear from you. I ain't saying no more by bitch, you freaking.
Frog, you freaking you're freaking frog. Fucking freaky frog, You're freaking frog.
Motherfucking mini your soul MANI everis motherfucking mini ever sel mm hmmm, Fido. Well, the fucking Minnie episode, mini episode, well, the fucking mini Emi cell bio mhm
