You're listening to mornings with Eric and Bridget, minus Bridget Jewell sitting in for her right here on Moody Radio 89.3. And I think one thing social media has destroyed is the simple proposal. I mean, it was used used to, uh, you'd get a ring, uh, you'd have a conversation with somebody from her family. Uh, this speaker from the guy's perspective. Right. And, uh, then you'd ask that girl if she would want to be your spouse, your your wife, and for for that. That was pretty much it. There was no big, um, we're going to the beach first. We're going to fly to Cancun, then go to the beach. And this is don't nothing's going on in. Can't, don't. And then all of a sudden you're like, oh, by the way, your whole family's here. My whole family's here. Um, would you like to be my wife? Oh, there's a photographer. We just. We just somehow ended up here. It's gotten really crazy easy. I think to me, it's too much. Oh my.

You're listening to mornings with Eric and Bridget, minus Bridget Jewell sitting in for her right here on Moody Radio 89.3. And I think one thing social media has destroyed is the simple proposal. I mean, it was used used to, uh, you'd get a ring, uh, you'd have a conversation with somebody from her family. Uh, this speaker from the guy's perspective. Right. And, uh, then you'd ask that girl if she would want to be your spouse, your your wife, and for for that. That was pretty much it. There was no big, um, we're going to the beach first. We're going to fly to Cancun, then go to the beach. And this is don't nothing's going on in. Can't, don't. And then all of a sudden you're like, oh, by the way, your whole family's here. My whole family's here. Um, would you like to be my wife? Oh, there's a photographer. We just. We just somehow ended up here. It's gotten really crazy easy. I think to me, it's too much. Oh my.

Goodness. And it even starts with prom proposals. You've got, uh, just asking to the prom, and it becomes such a big thing. So what are we to do when prom proposals, marriage proposals have become such a big deal that preparing for marriage has kind of gone to the background a bit?

Goodness. And it even starts with prom proposals. You've got, uh, just asking to the prom, and it becomes such a big thing. So what are we to do when prom proposals, marriage proposals have become such a big deal that preparing for marriage has kind of gone to the background a bit?

It's on the back burner. Julie, this is. Can we get back to the simple would you please marry me on one knee? What has happened to this all?

It's on the back burner. Julie, this is. Can we get back to the simple would you please marry me on one knee? What has happened to this all?

I don't know that there's any turning back from that, but I agree with you. Having worked with lots of couples, that there's a lot of effort put into proposals and planning for the wedding, and they miss this opportunity to prepare for a lifelong marriage that is flourishing and thriving.

I don't know that there's any turning back from that, but I agree with you. Having worked with lots of couples, that there's a lot of effort put into proposals and planning for the wedding, and they miss this opportunity to prepare for a lifelong marriage that is flourishing and thriving.

Julie Baumgartner is the director of Winshape marriage. Um, you said we we miss it. It doesn't have to be that hard, does it? I mean, it's it's apparent it's a parent stepping up and say, I understand you want to have a really nice proposal and we'll do that. But that's that really is just like I said earlier, it's a snapshot. Your wedding is the whole movie, and we're taking one frame of that movie and making it more important than the whole movie, aren't we?

Julie Baumgartner is the director of Winshape marriage. Um, you said we we miss it. It doesn't have to be that hard, does it? I mean, it's it's apparent it's a parent stepping up and say, I understand you want to have a really nice proposal and we'll do that. But that's that really is just like I said earlier, it's a snapshot. Your wedding is the whole movie, and we're taking one frame of that movie and making it more important than the whole movie, aren't we?

Well, I am a sucker for a great proposal, so I love watching the creativity that the links that some people go to and I want couples to know, hey, don't miss that. What you were getting ready to do is big and exciting and life long. And in order to prepare for, uh, what we're told in the word, the two becoming one, not not leaving yourself behind, but wholeheartedly embracing this idea of coming together, that there is opportunity for some preparation just to make sure that you're showing up as the healthiest version of you and not expecting your spouse to complete you. The Lord completes you. So making sure that your relationship with the Lord that you are healthy, um, in your spiritual journey, that you are seeking after him to complete you and fulfill you. And that this opportunity to be with someone else and learn how to dance with them without stepping on their toes all the time, is a gift from God, and it it is to be treasured, and it's truly an opportunity to look at someone that God has given you, and look at them through the eyes of Christ, and seek to help them be all that God has called them to be on this marriage journey.

Well, I am a sucker for a great proposal, so I love watching the creativity that the links that some people go to and I want couples to know, hey, don't miss that. What you were getting ready to do is big and exciting and life long. And in order to prepare for, uh, what we're told in the word, the two becoming one, not not leaving yourself behind, but wholeheartedly embracing this idea of coming together, that there is opportunity for some preparation just to make sure that you're showing up as the healthiest version of you and not expecting your spouse to complete you. The Lord completes you. So making sure that your relationship with the Lord that you are healthy, um, in your spiritual journey, that you are seeking after him to complete you and fulfill you. And that this opportunity to be with someone else and learn how to dance with them without stepping on their toes all the time, is a gift from God, and it it is to be treasured, and it's truly an opportunity to look at someone that God has given you, and look at them through the eyes of Christ, and seek to help them be all that God has called them to be on this marriage journey.

Well, Julie, you are not right here in South Florida with us, right in our studio, because if you were here, you would realize we're going through a major studio remodel. There is so much going on here. And even yesterday our engineer went to do something. He said, wait, I don't have the right tool for that. So you've given us some tools for preparing for a good marriage, and you've said it starts off with prayer. Would you talk a little bit about that?

Well, Julie, you are not right here in South Florida with us, right in our studio, because if you were here, you would realize we're going through a major studio remodel. There is so much going on here. And even yesterday our engineer went to do something. He said, wait, I don't have the right tool for that. So you've given us some tools for preparing for a good marriage, and you've said it starts off with prayer. Would you talk a little bit about that?

Most definitely. Um, there is a study that was recently done, and they looked at couples who pray together and how they experience marriage together. And what they found is that couples who pray together experience higher marital stability. So all of the things that we look for couples to learn how to do, like tools in their tool belt. Uh, these couples actually increased, uh, as they prayed together. So healthy communication, the lines of communication, they said, were open between the two of them. And they were able to have hard conversations in a healthy manner without someone feeling like they were attacked. Um, they also felt like in terms of themselves, they could show up in the midst of conflict and hear what their spouse had to say and figure out, hey, as a team, how do we address this issue? If you look at every area from laughter to lovemaking to communication, parenting, all of the things actually increased in terms of satisfaction as they looked at these couples over time who prayed together. And to be truthful, not very many couples pray together. Not very many Christian couples pray together. And so that is an area where I think as you are preparing for marriage, think about how can you pray for each other? How can you begin that healthy practice, even if it feels awkward at the beginning? I mean, you can hold pinkies and share with each other, um, what's on your heart, and you can agree to pray silently for a couple of minutes and then say Amen. Or just one person can pray out loud for what is happening in your world, and you can take turns doing that. But the idea of learning how to pray together is very important. Um.

Most definitely. Um, there is a study that was recently done, and they looked at couples who pray together and how they experience marriage together. And what they found is that couples who pray together experience higher marital stability. So all of the things that we look for couples to learn how to do, like tools in their tool belt. Uh, these couples actually increased, uh, as they prayed together. So healthy communication, the lines of communication, they said, were open between the two of them. And they were able to have hard conversations in a healthy manner without someone feeling like they were attacked. Um, they also felt like in terms of themselves, they could show up in the midst of conflict and hear what their spouse had to say and figure out, hey, as a team, how do we address this issue? If you look at every area from laughter to lovemaking to communication, parenting, all of the things actually increased in terms of satisfaction as they looked at these couples over time who prayed together. And to be truthful, not very many couples pray together. Not very many Christian couples pray together. And so that is an area where I think as you are preparing for marriage, think about how can you pray for each other? How can you begin that healthy practice, even if it feels awkward at the beginning? I mean, you can hold pinkies and share with each other, um, what's on your heart, and you can agree to pray silently for a couple of minutes and then say Amen. Or just one person can pray out loud for what is happening in your world, and you can take turns doing that. But the idea of learning how to pray together is very important. Um.

There are a few other tools that you have here. Um, prayer is kind of that umbrella that covers all of this, I think, though, um, intentional. Yes. Yeah. Individual health is something you have here. And do you mean like my my heart beating? Well, or what do you mean when you say the word health in this situation?

There are a few other tools that you have here. Um, prayer is kind of that umbrella that covers all of this, I think, though, um, intentional. Yes. Yeah. Individual health is something you have here. And do you mean like my my heart beating? Well, or what do you mean when you say the word health in this situation?

Certainly your physical health is very important. Your mental health is important. Your emotional health is important. All aspects of that, your spiritual health, being willing to take a look at yourself and honestly understand this is who I am. And we all come to marriage with all kinds of things. We grew up in a home. We were raised with certain rules or no rules. We were raised in a church or not. And so what you bring to the marriage relationship, being able to be honest about this is who I am. And these are things that I'm working on. We're we're not perfect. And so this isn't about having a perfect marriage. It's about having a healthy marriage. And that's when my expectations of my spouse are realistic. So my parents divorced when I was younger. Abandonment is a thing for me. And we've been married 35 years. But over the course of time, there have been moments where I have found myself really insecure about the relationship, not because of anything that my husband did. More because I was approaching the year when my parents actually divorced, which was 24.5 years, or I had another moment where I just I felt like, oh my goodness, um, is everything good? And it was much more about me, and I needed to do the work to figure out, okay, I've got some things that I probably need to process and talk with someone about not expecting my husband to fix it. And I think that's the really huge piece here. Going back to what we talked about earlier, your spouse doesn't complete you. You come to your marriage relationship having lived a lot of life. And so being in touch with who am I, what are things that I'm working on and being able to share that with your spouse and say, hey, this is these are things I'm working on, and I love that we get to do this life together, showing up as the best version of you. Not perfect, healthy.

Certainly your physical health is very important. Your mental health is important. Your emotional health is important. All aspects of that, your spiritual health, being willing to take a look at yourself and honestly understand this is who I am. And we all come to marriage with all kinds of things. We grew up in a home. We were raised with certain rules or no rules. We were raised in a church or not. And so what you bring to the marriage relationship, being able to be honest about this is who I am. And these are things that I'm working on. We're we're not perfect. And so this isn't about having a perfect marriage. It's about having a healthy marriage. And that's when my expectations of my spouse are realistic. So my parents divorced when I was younger. Abandonment is a thing for me. And we've been married 35 years. But over the course of time, there have been moments where I have found myself really insecure about the relationship, not because of anything that my husband did. More because I was approaching the year when my parents actually divorced, which was 24.5 years, or I had another moment where I just I felt like, oh my goodness, um, is everything good? And it was much more about me, and I needed to do the work to figure out, okay, I've got some things that I probably need to process and talk with someone about not expecting my husband to fix it. And I think that's the really huge piece here. Going back to what we talked about earlier, your spouse doesn't complete you. You come to your marriage relationship having lived a lot of life. And so being in touch with who am I, what are things that I'm working on and being able to share that with your spouse and say, hey, this is these are things I'm working on, and I love that we get to do this life together, showing up as the best version of you. Not perfect, healthy.

The only thing that's concerning to me on this, and again, focusing on the me as opposed to the we for a time is okay and doing that. But it can become if you spend too much time there, it becomes a selfish, um, exercise almost.

The only thing that's concerning to me on this, and again, focusing on the me as opposed to the we for a time is okay and doing that. But it can become if you spend too much time there, it becomes a selfish, um, exercise almost.

That I do not disagree with. It's got to be this combination of I'm bringing my whole self to my marriage relationship. So who are we and who who am I and who are you? Because I don't think God said, hey, lose yourself in the process of getting married. What he says is come together, the two shall become one. And this is the mystery and we are to reflect Christ.

That I do not disagree with. It's got to be this combination of I'm bringing my whole self to my marriage relationship. So who are we and who who am I and who are you? Because I don't think God said, hey, lose yourself in the process of getting married. What he says is come together, the two shall become one. And this is the mystery and we are to reflect Christ.

I think that's.

I think that's.

Such a good point because you're right. We come from different backgrounds, different stories that have made up our lives until the point of marriage. But then we find that person and originally we think, oh, we're so similar. There's so much we have in common. And the longer we get to know each other, we realize, no, usually opposites really do attract for a reason, and there can be some conflict. So what do we do when that comes into our relationship?

Such a good point because you're right. We come from different backgrounds, different stories that have made up our lives until the point of marriage. But then we find that person and originally we think, oh, we're so similar. There's so much we have in common. And the longer we get to know each other, we realize, no, usually opposites really do attract for a reason, and there can be some conflict. So what do we do when that comes into our relationship?

I think probably one of the best questions you can ask yourself is, do I want to be right? Or do I want to be in relationship? And this isn't about avoiding conflict. Actually, conflict handled well in a marriage relationship increases intimacy. So it's about understanding there's an issue here. We need to have a conversation around it. We both need to be willing to come to the table and ask the question, what is the issue? Probably the biggest thing about conflict in marriage is that oftentimes the actual issue doesn't rise to the surface. We say, I'm angry you did this. I didn't like that. What's really going on inside is I felt disrespected. My trust is now broken or this that just hurt my heart. It felt like you trounced on my heart. And so being able to sit down and calmly talk about here is the issue. When you talk about me to your friends like that, I know you think you're being funny. The way I receive it is. It really hurts my feelings, and I would like you not to do that anymore. That you can take you can take that and you can do something with that. But when you rush in and you get in someone's face and you're harsh and very angry and upset, it's difficult to hear conflict. I just think it's so important for especially believers to hear that refraining from conflict or saying, oh, we never have conflict in our marriage. That would just be so unlikely. The conflict is what can actually take you deeper and help you have more authentic intimacy in your marriage, relationship.

I think probably one of the best questions you can ask yourself is, do I want to be right? Or do I want to be in relationship? And this isn't about avoiding conflict. Actually, conflict handled well in a marriage relationship increases intimacy. So it's about understanding there's an issue here. We need to have a conversation around it. We both need to be willing to come to the table and ask the question, what is the issue? Probably the biggest thing about conflict in marriage is that oftentimes the actual issue doesn't rise to the surface. We say, I'm angry you did this. I didn't like that. What's really going on inside is I felt disrespected. My trust is now broken or this that just hurt my heart. It felt like you trounced on my heart. And so being able to sit down and calmly talk about here is the issue. When you talk about me to your friends like that, I know you think you're being funny. The way I receive it is. It really hurts my feelings, and I would like you not to do that anymore. That you can take you can take that and you can do something with that. But when you rush in and you get in someone's face and you're harsh and very angry and upset, it's difficult to hear conflict. I just think it's so important for especially believers to hear that refraining from conflict or saying, oh, we never have conflict in our marriage. That would just be so unlikely. The conflict is what can actually take you deeper and help you have more authentic intimacy in your marriage, relationship.

And I think that goes back to the first one. If you're coming in with a head of steam ready to explode and the spouse says, I get it, I hear that you're mad, can we just slow down and pray for just a second? I that might not be taken appropriately, but if you do it more than once, if it becomes part of your routine, I think that will help kind of slow things down. And we can then look at the problem and deal with it appropriately, as opposed to both of you coming in with red face and screaming lips. I mean, that's just it can get painful. It can get painful quickly. And I think the last point with just the last second we have here is about community and the importance of that and how it it really will build into these things. And if you want to have healthy conflict, the community that you're a part of is going to help show you how to do that. If you want to be healthy when it comes to spiritual things, that community that you're building, all these things are the community is building into you, isn't it?

And I think that goes back to the first one. If you're coming in with a head of steam ready to explode and the spouse says, I get it, I hear that you're mad, can we just slow down and pray for just a second? I that might not be taken appropriately, but if you do it more than once, if it becomes part of your routine, I think that will help kind of slow things down. And we can then look at the problem and deal with it appropriately, as opposed to both of you coming in with red face and screaming lips. I mean, that's just it can get painful. It can get painful quickly. And I think the last point with just the last second we have here is about community and the importance of that and how it it really will build into these things. And if you want to have healthy conflict, the community that you're a part of is going to help show you how to do that. If you want to be healthy when it comes to spiritual things, that community that you're building, all these things are the community is building into you, isn't it?

Oh, yes. We're not meant to do marriage in isolation. And so when you have people who are in a healthy marriage a bit ahead of you on the journey, they can also help you have perspective. Sometimes there are things that get us bent out of shape, and when we're able to talk with a couple, that's a little bit ahead of us on the journey, they can help us work that through and and ask, okay, where is this on the spectrum for you? Are you going to be upset about this a week from now? Is this a huge thing for you? Or just to say, you know what, it is so normal. Sometimes the things that attracted you to each other are the things that begin to attack you and keep your eyes wide open for how God is actually teaching you to walk through life together. Not to make your spouse a DIY project, but to help them be all that God has called them to be. When you have people surrounding you in your faith community, I mean your neighborhood who are for your marriage, that can be so impactful in the most powerful, positive way.

Oh, yes. We're not meant to do marriage in isolation. And so when you have people who are in a healthy marriage a bit ahead of you on the journey, they can also help you have perspective. Sometimes there are things that get us bent out of shape, and when we're able to talk with a couple, that's a little bit ahead of us on the journey, they can help us work that through and and ask, okay, where is this on the spectrum for you? Are you going to be upset about this a week from now? Is this a huge thing for you? Or just to say, you know what, it is so normal. Sometimes the things that attracted you to each other are the things that begin to attack you and keep your eyes wide open for how God is actually teaching you to walk through life together. Not to make your spouse a DIY project, but to help them be all that God has called them to be. When you have people surrounding you in your faith community, I mean your neighborhood who are for your marriage, that can be so impactful in the most powerful, positive way.

Oh, I know for my husband and I, we had an engagement class that we were a part of, and then we all got married around the same time, had our kiddos around the same time. It's so important to have those people that are are building into you and that you are building into. Julie Baumgartner, director of Winshape Marriage, thank you so much for joining This Morning on mornings with Eric and Bridget.

Oh, I know for my husband and I, we had an engagement class that we were a part of, and then we all got married around the same time, had our kiddos around the same time. It's so important to have those people that are are building into you and that you are building into. Julie Baumgartner, director of Winshape Marriage, thank you so much for joining This Morning on mornings with Eric and Bridget.

My pleasure.

My pleasure.

All right. If you want to refer back to these four points also that we've been talking about, we have a link at our website, Eric and bridget.org.

All right. If you want to refer back to these four points also that we've been talking about, we have a link at our website, Eric and bridget.org.