5 attachment needs in marriage

To be seen, known, heard and understood

To feel safe and secure

To be comforted, soothed and reassured

Break 1

To be cherished, rejoiced and delighted

To believe that my spouse wills my good

What if you get it wrong?

Break 2

The pattern: pursue/withdraw

The Rant! Waiting for engagement

Doug unpacks the 5 attachment needs every married person has. PLUS: The Friday rant!

 

Listener questions and comments:
Liza - My daughter is 28, lives at home and will never help me with any chores. Her father won’t make her help and she ignores me. (37:36)

 

Resources:

 

5 attachment needs in marriage
To be seen, known, heard and understood
To feel safe and secure
To be comforted, soothed and reassured
To be cherished, rejoiced and delighted
To believe that my spouse wills my good

Doug unpacks the 5 attachment needs every married person has. PLUS: The Friday rant!
&nbsp;
Listener questions and comments:
<ul>
<li>Liza - My daughter is 28, lives at home and will never help me with any chores. Her father won&rsquo;t make her help and she ignores me. (37:36)</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Resources:
&nbsp;
5 attachment needs in marriage
<ol>
<li>To be seen, known, heard and understood</li>
<li>To feel safe and secure</li>
<li>To be comforted, soothed and reassured</li>
<li>To be cherished, rejoiced and delighted</li>
<li>To believe that my spouse wills my good</li>
</ol>

Marriage Unhindered is a sincere exploration of the joys and challenges within the realm of marriage. Hosted by the seasoned Doug Hinderer, this one-hour, caller-based show is scheduled to air Monday through Friday at 5PM CT, and will offer listeners an authentic journey into the complexities of marital relationships.

Marriage Unhindered is a sincere exploration of the joys and challenges within the realm of marriage. Hosted by the seasoned Doug Hinderer, this one-hour, caller-based show is scheduled to air Monday through Friday at 5PM CT, and will offer listeners an authentic journey into the complexities of marital relationships.

Marriage Unhindered

Attachment Needs That Strengthen Marriage

Guilting your kids into staying close

Too much criticizing 

Adult child rejects rules

Monica Hinderer joins Doug to discuss ways parents lose their children without realizing it.

 

Listener questions and comments:
Lucy - I have an 18-year-old and 20-year-old and I caught them drinking. What do I do? (8:44)
Monica - My children have cut me off because of a divorce. They are influenced by their father on this. (19:42)
Shirley - Comment about drinking: you can't forget that the parents are responsible as the parents and could get sued or get in trouble. (25:32)
Akilah - I have a 19-year-old and when she turned 18 she decided that she would leave the house whenever, and she would ignore curfews. But she still lives at home when she is back from college. What should I do? (36:11)
Sherry - I have two sons who are 33 and 36 and we are in the process of trying to sell the farm to one of them and the other isn’t happy. What should we do? (43:50)

 

Resources:

Prayer to the Sacred Heart of Jesus

https://relevantradio.com/2026/06/prayer-to-the-sacred-heart-of-jesus/

 

Ways parents lose their children without realizing it.
They guilt their kids into staying close
They turn every conversation into a criticism

Monica Hinderer joins Doug to discuss ways parents lose their children without realizing it.
&nbsp;
Listener questions and comments:
<ul>
<li>Lucy - I have an 18-year-old and 20-year-old and I caught them drinking. What do I do? (8:44)</li>
<li>Monica - My children have cut me off because of a divorce. They are influenced by their father on this. (19:42)</li>
<li>Shirley - Comment about drinking: you can't forget that the parents are responsible as the parents and could get sued or get in trouble. (25:32)</li>
<li>Akilah - I have a 19-year-old and when she turned 18 she decided that she would leave the house whenever, and she would ignore curfews. But she still lives at home when she is back from college. What should I do? (36:11)</li>
<li>Sherry - I have two sons who are 33 and 36 and we are in the process of trying to sell the farm to one of them and the other isn&rsquo;t happy. What should we do? (43:50)</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Resources:
Prayer to the Sacred Heart of Jesus
<a href="https://relevantradio.com/2026/06/prayer-to-the-sacred-heart-of-jesus/">https://relevantradio.com/2026/06/prayer-to-the-sacred-heart-of-jesus/</a>
&nbsp;
Ways parents lose their children without realizing it.
<ol>
<li>They guilt their kids into staying close</li>
<li>They turn every conversation into a criticism</li>
</ol>

Mistakes That Push Kids Away

Attachment styles review

Anxious attachment style

Fiance has an entitled attitude

Disorganized attachment style

Doug continues his discussion on childhood attachment wounds and how they can negatively impact your marriage. Today, he looks at anxious and disorganized attachment strategies.

 

Listener questions and comments:
John - My wife doesn't like talking about difficult topics and she just wants me to listen but I want to fix. its effecting our communication. (24:20)
Angel - My fiancé was an orphan raised by his uncle and was very spoiled. He has a very entitled attitude. What should I do? (26:31)

 

Resources:

Impact of Attachment Styles (Part 1)

https://relevantradio.com/2026/06/impact-of-attachment-styles/

 

Emotionally Focused Therapy

https://iceeft.com/

 

 

Signs of an anxious attachment style
Tendency to be very clingy
Highly sensitive to criticism
Need for approval from others
Tendency to be very jealous
Hard time being alone
Tendency for having low self esteem
Feel unworthy of love
Intense fear of rejection

 

Signs of a disorganized attachment style
Fear of rejection
Difficulty regulating emotions
Contradictory behavior
High level of anxiety
Substance abuse and self-harm
Unpredictable and confusing behavior in relationships
Perceive spouses to be unpredictable

Doug continues his discussion on childhood attachment wounds and how they can negatively impact your marriage. Today, he looks at anxious and disorganized attachment strategies.
&nbsp;
Listener questions and comments:
<ul>
<li>John - My wife doesn't like talking about difficult topics and she just wants me to listen but I want to fix. its effecting our communication. (24:20)</li>
<li>Angel - My fianc&eacute; was an orphan raised by his uncle and was very spoiled. He has a very entitled attitude. What should I do? (26:31)</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Resources:
Impact of Attachment Styles (Part 1)
<a href="https://relevantradio.com/2026/06/impact-of-attachment-styles/">https://relevantradio.com/2026/06/impact-of-attachment-styles/</a>
&nbsp;
Emotionally Focused Therapy
<a href="https://iceeft.com/">https://iceeft.com/</a>
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
Signs of an anxious attachment style
<ol>
<li>Tendency to be very clingy</li>
<li>Highly sensitive to criticism</li>
<li>Need for approval from others</li>
<li>Tendency to be very jealous</li>
<li>Hard time being alone</li>
<li>Tendency for having low self esteem</li>
<li>Feel unworthy of love</li>
<li>Intense fear of rejection</li>
</ol>
&nbsp;
Signs of a disorganized attachment style
<ol>
<li>Fear of rejection</li>
<li>Difficulty regulating emotions</li>
<li>Contradictory behavior</li>
<li>High level of anxiety</li>
<li>Substance abuse and self-harm</li>
<li>Unpredictable and confusing behavior in relationships</li>
<li>Perceive spouses to be unpredictable</li>
</ol>

Impact of Attachment Styles (Part 2)

Attachment theory

Secure attachment style 

Avoidant attachment style

Secure attachment style in friendship

Marriage advice after divorce

Doug begins Part 1 of looking into childhood attachment wounds and how they can negatively impact your marriage.

 

Listener questions and comments:
Natalie - How can I create a secure attachment style in friendship? (38:29)
Julia - What is advice for a couple when one of them has problems and they blame the other? (46:58)

 

Resources:

Emotionally Focused Therapy

https://iceeft.com/

 

Secure attachment style
Ability to regulate your emotions
Easily trust others
Effective communication skills
The ability to seek emotional support
You are comfortable being alone
Comfortable in close relationships
Ability to self-reflect
Easy to connect with
Ability to manage conflict well
High self-esteem
Ability to be emotionally available

 

Avoidant attachment style
Persistently avoid emotional or physical intimacy
Strong sense of independence
Uncomfortable expressing your feelings
Tendency to be dismissive of others
Difficulty trusting others
Tend to be threatened by people getting to close
Spend more time alone
They believe they don’t need others
Tendency to have commitment issues

Doug begins Part 1 of looking into childhood attachment wounds and how they can negatively impact your marriage.
&nbsp;
Listener questions and comments:
<ul>
<li>Natalie - How can I create a secure attachment style in friendship? (38:29)</li>
<li>Julia - What is advice for a couple when one of them has problems and they blame the other? (46:58)</li>
</ul>
&nbsp;
Resources:
Emotionally Focused Therapy
<a href="https://iceeft.com/">https://iceeft.com/</a>
&nbsp;
Secure attachment style
<ol>
<li>Ability to regulate your emotions</li>
<li>Easily trust others</li>
<li>Effective communication skills</li>
<li>The ability to seek emotional support</li>
<li>You are comfortable being alone</li>
<li>Comfortable in close relationships</li>
<li>Ability to self-reflect</li>
<li>Easy to connect with</li>
<li>Ability to manage conflict well</li>
<li>High self-esteem</li>
<li>Ability to be emotionally available</li>
</ol>
&nbsp;
Avoidant attachment style
<ol>
<li>Persistently avoid emotional or physical intimacy</li>
<li>Strong sense of independence</li>
<li>Uncomfortable expressing your feelings</li>
<li>Tendency to be dismissive of others</li>
<li>Difficulty trusting others</li>
<li>Tend to be threatened by people getting to close</li>
<li>Spend more time alone</li>
<li>They believe they don&rsquo;t need others</li>
<li>Tendency to have commitment issues</li>
</ol>

Attachment Needs That Strengthen Marriage

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Marriage Unhindered

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