Get $200 off your Tonal purchase! Get a complete gym + a trainer in your home by going to http://tonal.com, then use promo code LOVERS for that big discount.

—
In this episode of Lovers, I’m joined by Aida Mariam Davis, author of Kindred Creation: Parables and Paradigms for Freedom, to explore one question: Is your sex life by design?

We unpack the idea that so much of our sexual identity isn’t accidental, it’s constructed. From childhood messaging that disconnects us from our bodies, to adulthood expectations that swing between repression and performance, Aida breaks down how Western culture creates a fragmented relationship with intimacy. The result? A sex life that often feels confusing, isolating, or performative rather than intentional and embodied.

Together, we explore what it looks like to reclaim your sexuality on your own terms. Aida shares how her relationship with her husband was rooted in freedom, patience, and self-possession, not pressure or performance, and how that created the foundation for deeper intimacy, trust, and desire.

This conversation will challenge what you’ve been taught about sex, and invite you to design something that actually fits you.



Resources mentioned
→ What If Your Sex Life Is By Design? | Intimate Life Audit: https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/what-if-your-sex-life-is-by-design-intimate-life-audit

→ A Guide to the Sexual Journey As We Grow: https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/normal-sexual-development-from-0-18 



Follow Aida Mariam Davis
→ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aidamariam/
→ Learn more about Decolonize Design: https://www.decolonizedesign.com/ 
→ Get her book Kindred Creation: Parables and Paradigms for Freedom https://rep.club/products/kindred-creation?srsltid=AfmBOor4haNsPUvlYWcMk7oxSWdcmG-yZCTBeLjGtTDoFO_IaJXU_Jwj

 

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

Get $200 off your Tonal purchase! Get a complete gym + a trainer in your home by going to http://tonal.com, then use promo code LOVERS for that big discount. &mdash; In this episode of Lovers, I&rsquo;m joined by Aida Mariam Davis, author of Kindred Creation: Parables and Paradigms for Freedom, to explore one question: Is your sex life by design? We unpack the idea that so much of our sexual identity isn&rsquo;t accidental, it&rsquo;s constructed. From childhood messaging that disconnects us from our bodies, to adulthood expectations that swing between repression and performance, Aida breaks down how Western culture creates a fragmented relationship with intimacy. The result? A sex life that often feels confusing, isolating, or performative rather than intentional and embodied. Together, we explore what it looks like to reclaim your sexuality on your own terms. Aida shares how her relationship with her husband was rooted in freedom, patience, and self-possession, not pressure or performance, and how that created the foundation for deeper intimacy, trust, and desire. This conversation will challenge what you&rsquo;ve been taught about sex, and invite you to design something that actually fits you. 
Resources mentioned &rarr; What If Your Sex Life Is By Design? | Intimate Life Audit: https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/what-if-your-sex-life-is-by-design-intimate-life-audit
&rarr; A Guide to the Sexual Journey As We Grow: <a href="https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/normal-sexual-development-from-0-18">https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/normal-sexual-development-from-0-18</a>&nbsp; 
Follow Aida Mariam Davis &rarr; Instagram: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/aidamariam/">https://www.instagram.com/aidamariam/</a> &rarr; Learn more about Decolonize Design: <a href="https://www.decolonizedesign.com/">https://www.decolonizedesign.com/</a>&nbsp; &rarr; Get her book Kindred Creation: Parables and Paradigms for Freedom https://rep.club/products/kindred-creation?srsltid=AfmBOor4haNsPUvlYWcMk7oxSWdcmG-yZCTBeLjGtTDoFO_IaJXU_Jwj
&nbsp;
Want more Lover? Receive the weekly Love Letter &rarr; <a href="http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter">http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter</a> Join the Lovers Community &rarr; <a href="https://www.loversbyshan.com/community">https://www.loversbyshan.com/community</a> Explore quizzes and worksheets &rarr; http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

Lovers by Shan is an education-first space where listeners come to better understand their own intimate lives through the life lessons and expertise of others. Shan Boodram’s mission is to empower everyone to be their own intimacy expert in the bedroom and beyond by treating guests of the podcast as educators in their own right.

Past guests include Kelly Rowland who taught us about being a sensualist. Becky G who shared the importance of healthy love in an unhealthy body. Kerry Washington who warned about the dangers of keeping secrets. Kamie Crawford who taught us about the joys of breaking up. Jesse Reyez who reminded us that it's alright to admit you're the one who let a good one get away.

When we paused in 2023 we had 5.1 million listeners and 8 million YouTube views. Excited to see how many lives we can impact in 2025 with our fresh look and approach.

Sales and Distribution by Lemonada Media https://lemonadamedia.com/  

Lovers by Shan is an education-first space where listeners come to better understand their own intimate lives through the life lessons and expertise of others. Shan Boodram&rsquo;s mission is to empower everyone to be their own intimacy expert in the bedroom and beyond by treating guests of the podcast as educators in their own right. Past guests include Kelly Rowland who taught us about being a sensualist. Becky G who shared the importance of healthy love in an unhealthy body. Kerry Washington who warned about the dangers of keeping secrets. Kamie Crawford who taught us about the joys of breaking up. Jesse Reyez who reminded us that it's alright to admit you're the one who let a good one get away. When we paused in 2023 we had 5.1 million listeners and 8 million YouTube views. Excited to see how many lives we can impact in 2025 with our fresh look and approach.
Sales and Distribution by Lemonada Media <a href="https://lemonadamedia.com/" data-stringify-link="https://lemonadamedia.com/" data-sk="tooltip_parent">https://lemonadamedia.com/</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;