In this episode of Lovers, therapist Kier Gaines shares a personal and professional reflection on how resentment builds when men are taught to silence their emotional truth.

Kier opens up about a pivotal moment in his own relationship, when he realized that his partner’s tone was hurting his feelings, and that his fear of naming it, out of concern that he would sound “effeminate” or not man enough, was quietly turning into resentment. What started as self-protection slowly became emotional distance, until he reached a breaking point where honesty felt less risky than staying silent.

Together, we unpack how masculinity norms shape emotional expression, why unspoken hurt often masquerades as resentment, and how learning to articulate emotional impact can transform intimacy rather than threaten it. This conversation explores the cost of swallowing feelings, the courage it takes to speak before resentment hardens, and what becomes possible when men allow themselves to be emotionally legible in their relationships.

This episode isn’t about blame or tone-policing. It’s about emotional responsibility, relational repair, and the freedom that comes from finally saying the thing you were afraid would make you sound weak. 

If you wished this episode is longer and you could hear more about Kier Gaines

 

Is My Relationship Healthy Quiz
https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/the-relationship-check-in 



Follow Kier Gaines
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines 

TikTok → https://www.tiktok.com/@kiergaines 

Twitter/X → https://twitter.com/kiergaines 

YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/@KierandNoemie 

Official Website →https://www.kiergaines.com 

Course Words That Connect →https://kier-gaines.mykajabi.com/wordsthatconnect

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

In this episode of Lovers, therapist Kier Gaines shares a personal and professional reflection on how resentment builds when men are taught to silence their emotional truth.
Kier opens up about a pivotal moment in his own relationship, when he realized that his partner&rsquo;s tone was hurting his feelings, and that his fear of naming it, out of concern that he would sound &ldquo;effeminate&rdquo; or not man enough, was quietly turning into resentment. What started as self-protection slowly became emotional distance, until he reached a breaking point where honesty felt less risky than staying silent.
Together, we unpack how masculinity norms shape emotional expression, why unspoken hurt often masquerades as resentment, and how learning to articulate emotional impact can transform intimacy rather than threaten it. This conversation explores the cost of swallowing feelings, the courage it takes to speak before resentment hardens, and what becomes possible when men allow themselves to be emotionally legible in their relationships.
This episode isn&rsquo;t about blame or tone-policing. It&rsquo;s about emotional responsibility, relational repair, and the freedom that comes from finally saying the thing you were afraid would make you sound weak.&nbsp;
If you wished this episode is longer and you could hear more about Kier Gaines
&nbsp;
Is My Relationship Healthy Quiz <a href="https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/the-relationship-check-in">https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/the-relationship-check-in</a>&nbsp; 
Follow Kier Gaines Instagram &rarr; <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines">https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines</a>&nbsp;
TikTok &rarr; <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@kiergaines">https://www.tiktok.com/@kiergaines</a>&nbsp;
Twitter/X &rarr; <a href="https://twitter.com/kiergaines">https://twitter.com/kiergaines</a>&nbsp;
YouTube &rarr; <a href="https://www.youtube.com/@KierandNoemie">https://www.youtube.com/@KierandNoemie</a>&nbsp;
Official Website &rarr; <a href="https://www.kiergaines.com">https://www.kiergaines.com</a>&nbsp;
Course Words That Connect &rarr;<a href="https://kier-gaines.mykajabi.com/wordsthatconnect"> https://kier-gaines.mykajabi.com/wordsthatconnect</a>
Want more Lover? Receive the weekly Love Letter &rarr; <a href="http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter">http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter </a>Join the Lovers Community &rarr; <a href="https://www.loversbyshan.com/community">https://www.loversbyshan.com/community </a>Explore quizzes and worksheets &rarr; <a href="http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes">http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes</a>

Lovers by Shan is an education-first space where listeners come to better understand their own intimate lives through the life lessons and expertise of others. Shan Boodram’s mission is to empower everyone to be their own intimacy expert in the bedroom and beyond by treating guests of the podcast as educators in their own right.

Past guests include Kelly Rowland who taught us about being a sensualist. Becky G who shared the importance of healthy love in an unhealthy body. Kerry Washington who warned about the dangers of keeping secrets. Kamie Crawford who taught us about the joys of breaking up. Jesse Reyez who reminded us that it's alright to admit you're the one who let a good one get away.

When we paused in 2023 we had 5.1 million listeners and 8 million YouTube views. Excited to see how many lives we can impact in 2025 with our fresh look and approach.

Sales and Distribution by Lemonada Media https://lemonadamedia.com/  

Lovers by Shan is an education-first space where listeners come to better understand their own intimate lives through the life lessons and expertise of others. Shan Boodram&rsquo;s mission is to empower everyone to be their own intimacy expert in the bedroom and beyond by treating guests of the podcast as educators in their own right. Past guests include Kelly Rowland who taught us about being a sensualist. Becky G who shared the importance of healthy love in an unhealthy body. Kerry Washington who warned about the dangers of keeping secrets. Kamie Crawford who taught us about the joys of breaking up. Jesse Reyez who reminded us that it's alright to admit you're the one who let a good one get away. When we paused in 2023 we had 5.1 million listeners and 8 million YouTube views. Excited to see how many lives we can impact in 2025 with our fresh look and approach.
Sales and Distribution by Lemonada Media <a href="https://lemonadamedia.com/" data-stringify-link="https://lemonadamedia.com/" data-sk="tooltip_parent">https://lemonadamedia.com/</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;