Thank you to Evvy for sponsoring today’s video! Go to https://evvy.yt.link/v90OvPp and use code LOVERSBYSHAN10 to get 10% off your first purchase (up to $25).

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In this episode of Lovers, I sit down with actor DeWanda Wise to talk about what makes her marriage to actor Alano Miller genuinely healthy, not perfect, not performative, but well-matched.

DeWanda and Alano have been married since 2009 after dating for only three months. Now more than 15 years in, they frequently appear together at industry events and continue to build a partnership rooted in intentionality rather than assumption. Alano Miller, known for his roles in Underground and Jane the Virgin, shares a dynamic with DeWanda that is grounded in accountability and mutual respect.

One of the most impactful amendments in their marriage came from Christian counseling: don’t treat strangers better than you treat me. They hold each other accountable to extend the same kindness, patience, and curiosity at home that they offer the outside world. When one of them falls short, the response is not immediate condemnation but curiosity and course correction.

We explore the delicate balance between accepting your partner and enabling harmful patterns, and what it truly means to be well-suited to love someone as they are. DeWanda challenges the idea that being “too much” is always a flaw, suggesting instead that compatibility determines whether intensity feels overwhelming or perfectly matched.

We also draw parallels to parenting, where the tension between letting someone be themselves and shaping them into who we think they should become is ever-present. This conversation ultimately centers on discernment, kindness, and the courage to build a relationship where both partners feel deeply seen and responsibly loved.

This episode also features a clip of my upcoming interview with legendary relationship therapists John and Julie Gottman! You can preview this episode inside the LOVERS community only

Thanks to our sponsor of this episode Evvy

Find out what’s happening with your vaginal health so you can build a care guide based on knowledge vs guess work!

Go to https://evvy.yt.link/v90OvPp
use code LOVERSBYSHAN10 for 10% off your first purchase (up to $25).

Follow DeWanda Wise 

→ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dewandawise/
→ Keep up with her movies and TV appearances: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1986622/

Want more Lover?
Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes 

Thank you to Evvy for sponsoring today&rsquo;s video! Go to <a href="https://evvy.yt.link/v90OvPp">https://evvy.yt.link/v90OvPp</a> and use code LOVERSBYSHAN10 to get 10% off your first purchase (up to $25).
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In this episode of Lovers, I sit down with actor DeWanda Wise to talk about what makes her marriage to actor Alano Miller genuinely healthy, not perfect, not performative, but well-matched.
DeWanda and Alano have been married since 2009 after dating for only three months. Now more than 15 years in, they frequently appear together at industry events and continue to build a partnership rooted in intentionality rather than assumption. Alano Miller, known for his roles in Underground and Jane the Virgin, shares a dynamic with DeWanda that is grounded in accountability and mutual respect.
One of the most impactful amendments in their marriage came from Christian counseling: don&rsquo;t treat strangers better than you treat me. They hold each other accountable to extend the same kindness, patience, and curiosity at home that they offer the outside world. When one of them falls short, the response is not immediate condemnation but curiosity and course correction.
We explore the delicate balance between accepting your partner and enabling harmful patterns, and what it truly means to be well-suited to love someone as they are. DeWanda challenges the idea that being &ldquo;too much&rdquo; is always a flaw, suggesting instead that compatibility determines whether intensity feels overwhelming or perfectly matched.
We also draw parallels to parenting, where the tension between letting someone be themselves and shaping them into who we think they should become is ever-present. This conversation ultimately centers on discernment, kindness, and the courage to build a relationship where both partners feel deeply seen and responsibly loved.
This episode also features a clip of my upcoming interview with legendary relationship therapists John and Julie Gottman! You can preview this episode inside the LOVERS community only
Thanks to our sponsor of this episode Evvy
Find out what&rsquo;s happening with your vaginal health so you can build a care guide based on knowledge vs guess work! Go to <a href="https://evvy.yt.link/v90OvPp">https://evvy.yt.link/v90OvPp</a> use code LOVERSBYSHAN10 for 10% off your first purchase (up to $25).
Follow DeWanda Wise&nbsp;
&rarr; Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dewandawise/ &rarr; Keep up with her movies and TV appearances: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1986622/ Want more Lover? Receive the weekly Love Letter &rarr; <a href="http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter">http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter </a>Join the Lovers Community &rarr; <a href="https://www.loversbyshan.com/community">https://www.loversbyshan.com/community </a>Explore quizzes and worksheets &rarr; <a href="http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes">http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes</a>&nbsp;

Lovers by Shan is an education-first space where listeners come to better understand their own intimate lives through the life lessons and expertise of others. Shan Boodram’s mission is to empower everyone to be their own intimacy expert in the bedroom and beyond by treating guests of the podcast as educators in their own right.

Past guests include Kelly Rowland who taught us about being a sensualist. Becky G who shared the importance of healthy love in an unhealthy body. Kerry Washington who warned about the dangers of keeping secrets. Kamie Crawford who taught us about the joys of breaking up. Jesse Reyez who reminded us that it's alright to admit you're the one who let a good one get away.

When we paused in 2023 we had 5.1 million listeners and 8 million YouTube views. Excited to see how many lives we can impact in 2025 with our fresh look and approach.

Sales and Distribution by Lemonada Media https://lemonadamedia.com/  

Lovers by Shan is an education-first space where listeners come to better understand their own intimate lives through the life lessons and expertise of others. Shan Boodram&rsquo;s mission is to empower everyone to be their own intimacy expert in the bedroom and beyond by treating guests of the podcast as educators in their own right. Past guests include Kelly Rowland who taught us about being a sensualist. Becky G who shared the importance of healthy love in an unhealthy body. Kerry Washington who warned about the dangers of keeping secrets. Kamie Crawford who taught us about the joys of breaking up. Jesse Reyez who reminded us that it's alright to admit you're the one who let a good one get away. When we paused in 2023 we had 5.1 million listeners and 8 million YouTube views. Excited to see how many lives we can impact in 2025 with our fresh look and approach.
Sales and Distribution by Lemonada Media <a href="https://lemonadamedia.com/" data-stringify-link="https://lemonadamedia.com/" data-sk="tooltip_parent">https://lemonadamedia.com/</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;