Max Lucado is one of my favorite authors and I never miss and opportunity to talk with him! In his new book, How Happiness Happens, pastor and best selling author Max Lucado, shares the unexpected path to a lasting happiness, one that produces reliable joy in any season of life. Based on the teachings of Jesus and backed by modern research, Max tells us and shows us that Happiness happens when we give it away! He shares his personal experiences and backs his suggestions with research, for example how modern imaging shows the pleasure centers of the brain lighting up, even when we THINK of doing something good for someone else! Stop waiting for others to make you happy. Be the family member who offers to wash the dishes after dinner. Be the colleague who serves the coffee at the next staff meeting. Volunteer at a soup kitchen...There are innumerable ways to be a giver! If you haven't been able to check the Happiness Box lately, join us on this episode! ~ Delilah
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Here we are for another episode of Love Someone, my attempt to shed light on a world that sometimes feels very dark. Sometimes you can get so overwhelmed with all the negative news that you just feel like, how can it get better? How can I make a difference? And on this podcast, we want to encourage you to do just that, to love someone in a tangible way. I'm not talking about romantic love. I'm talking about the kind of love that moves mountains, creates foundations, the kind of love that empowers people who feel powerless or overpowered by circumstances. We talked to ordinary people who are doing extraordinary things to change the world for good. Educators. We talked to some of my favorite teachers, some of the people that were most impactful in shaping my life and my children's lives. We've talked to authors. We've talked to a homemaker who managed somehow to raise half a million dollars to get a football field installed in the northernmost part of Alaska on the frozen t under. Everyone I talk with has done something to spread hope, to bring about healing, and to bring enthusiasm, passion, joy to the notion of stepping out of your comfort zone in order to inspire others or to help others in need. Today's guest is such a man. He has been doing this his entire career. Max Lucto. He's a minister. He is a bestselling Christian author. He's written over a hundred books. You may know him from some of his best loved titles Anxious for Nothing and Unshakable Hope. His latest book, How Happiness Happens, has just been published, and Max is taking some time out of his busy schedule today to chat with us again. I've known Max, I've talked to Max over the years, and he always brings something new to my heart. It's like music that moves you, and it's simple but powerful in its message. He cuts right to the point and he uses such beautiful analogies that you cannot help but be moved by his writings. Before we talked to Max, though, we're going to talk about my beloved sponsor that makes this show a possibility. There are several people that make this show a possibility. My executive producer, Dianna, who is not only my executive producer, she's also my sister, and Miss Lisa, Lisa who has been a part of the Delilah team for twenty years, two decades. Who puts all the elements together. Uh Lynda, who happens to no Max and his publisher and help me to arrange this conversation. So there's a lot of people who make this happen, but it wouldn't happen without our sponsor, the Home Depot. They allow their team members to do some incredible things, some wonderful things for their communities throughout the year. One regularly scheduled event happens to be on the third Thursday of every single month. It's called the do it Herself Workshops. Imagine spending an hour or two once a month learning how to use all the tools you might need to know how to use to keep your own home updated. Do what Herself workshops are get togethers for you and I and they're free. By the way, you learn how to make something different each time, and in the process of doing so, you actually learn how to use so many different tools. I've been going myself for years to these whenever I can, and there are a lot of fun Sign up in advance so they know you're coming at the Home Depot's website and remember to do it Herself workshops are absolutely free. Hi Max, Welcome to the Delilah Show. Welcome to love someone, my favorite human being in the whole world. Don't tell your family you said that, It'll be our little secret. Great to hear your voice. How are you, my friend. I'm doing well, I really am. I'm doing really well. How about you? You know I have good days, I have bad days, And when you lose a child, I think that's the way it's going to be for the rest of my life. I'm so sorry. So your book came at a good time. Well, I sure wish I had some kind of magic wand to take all that heart ain't away from you. Rory Fike said something to me shortly after Zack left and we were talking, and he said, to Lilah, your boys are much more a part of your future than they are a part of your past. He said, but they were only here for a short time. You've got all eternity to look forward to. And he said, they are such a such a part of your future now that you will look forward with such anticipation to that reunion. And wow, talk about change in perspective. If there was an ounce of me that had ever feared the sting of death before. I'm like, huh. And when I keep that perspective, I can get through because the what ifs will drive you absolutely insane. They'll just beat us up, they will. The other day I asked my wife if there's anything ever good that comes out for nothing. I can't think of anything. I mean, there's there's a difference between regrets and lesson learned, right, I mean, you learn a lesson to move on. I think regret it's when you keep reliving it, you just let it get ahold of you. Maybe that's that's the word. Instead of regret, it's reget as it gets us back and pulls us down. Yeah, there's just nothing good that happens from regrets. Nothing good. So when somebody comes to you or talks to you, Max, who's gone through something like this, or like losing a marriage, or like being betrayed. You talk about in your other books several times betrayal, and how that is just such a wound that takes us for a loop. How can you then say be happy? Yeah, and and and and that's kind of where I was coming from here. I've read this book on how happiness happens, and just a couple of months ago, a close friend to ask the question, can I ever be happy again? And I know this severe loss that he's gone through, and I just so much to Lanna. Do not want to leave the impression that if a person is not always have this you know, silly grin on their face, or or a sense of good mood about them, that they're not people of faith, or or they've messed up. Uh. That's a last thing I want to communicate. I don't want people to feel unhappy about battling unhappiness. I wrote a book on anxiety a couple of years ago, and a lady wrote me a long letter. She said, I just realized how anxious I am. I'm so anxious about being anxious. She had that line in the letter, and I wanted to say, do you see what you just wrote here? Here I said, I don't want you to be anxious about any being anxious. Here's kind of where I circle back, and that I really do think that there is a type of OI that can weather the storms of life. We'll still get beat up, we'll still get storm tossed, we won't be free from all the challenges. But I do believe that every person can honestly say, you know, God can turnt me a joy that's going to generate a feeling or a sense of happiness that could be a difference maker in the lives even of other people, that I could lift up my eyes away from my pain and starting to find purpose and find a way to begin to use this challenge I've been through in a way that helps other people. The Lata. I would never wish for you to have to go through what you've gone through ever, ever again, ever, ever. In the beginning, I wish I'd so much wish you wouldn't have had to go through this. But there's no doubt in my mind that you have a wisdom and a sensitivity and also a capacity to help other people because you're willing to be in a source of encouragement to others. You speak with a sense of seasoned wisdom that came as a result of this, and that that ability to land somewhat on your feet even though you continue to try to keep your balance is a source of inspiration for people like me and for others who are who are inspired and admire you so much. And the depth of pain that we feel, you know, when when we lose somebody in some way, We're all connected. That's why when we hear about somebody who has passed from this life into heaven, even if we don't know them well, there's still a tug in our hearts. There's a reason that these losses are so profound. These relationships are so deep and so personal, and and they can bring us so much joy. And I do think that there is a level of joy, in a level of happiness that is fostered by fostering this kind of love. We all think, if if I could just get more, acquire more, and retire early, then don't really be happy. But the truth of the matter is that there is a joy level and happiness that happens when we serve other people, when we love other people, and when we care about other people. It's risky, you know, it's risky because they're that love may not be reciprocated or like you're feeling that that person may be gone something. But the joy that comes from honestly loving and caring about another human being that creates a something that that no Madison Avenue our marketing campaign can ever deliver. And it works for a little bit, you know, I mean, you buy a new car and you love that new car smell, or you you know, you change your hair color and it's really nice and and and there's something that does happen, but then it begins to dissipate, it begins to fade away, and you have to recycle it. You have to go after the next thing. And when you get to be an old person like me, you know, if that's been your life, Uh, circumstantial happiness, happiness that happens only when your circumstances are different. It's easy to get bitter. It's either get bitter or get deeply sad, either bitter at the world because you got the raw deal, or deeply sad and say, well, it's happiness was never intended to come my way, when the truth of the matter is it was there. You're just knocking on the wrong door. And um, I do think that you know, people are not happy these days. To only one out of three Americans says they're happy, the only one out of three, And those are the ones that listen to my show You make me Happy. I'm just getting thank you. But so that when I read that research, I thought that's just really disturbing. I think I would have thought that there's a level of unhappiness or dissatisfaction. But I wouldn't have guessed that one out of three people don't have enough happiness to check the yes on the happiness box. So, Max, how do you think we got there? And besides listening to my show, how do we change things? So? I think I think the fact that we are so low on the happiness level. In fact, this is the lowest score that the US has received since this particular survey began a decade or so. Call it begs a couple of questions. What does this do to us? And how can we get out of it? It's like we're in a national you know funk, We're in a grumpiness. How do we get out of it? Well? I think what it does to us is it really takes its toll on our relationships, on our health, It takes its toll on our job performance. People who are happier, have healthier marriages, have healthier bodies, actually earn more money and get promoted more often. So a lot of people are missing out because we can't seem to disengage ourselves from this perpetual grayness that follows us around. So my idea Uh, it's not my idea. The idea that I found in the Bible about how to deal with unhappiness is really rooted in the teaching of Jesus, where he said it's better to give than receive. There's a joy that surges when we give, as opposed to when we receive. Now, this got me thinking because everything I see on television or in the news, just about everything until in a in a commercial or advertising format, urges me to be a good receiver. To be all about what I can purchase, what I can drive, when I can wear, what I can hang on my wall, what I can wear all my finger and it's all about what I can do for me. And and I'm wondering if if that's the key, because research shows that those who are other focused really aren't happier people. One study in particular pointed out that when when people were hooked up to an m R I scanner and asked just to imagine, just to envision doing good things for others, the pleasure center of the brain lit up like Christmas trees. And so it's just the thought of doing good things makes us happier. So in the book, I unpacked ways that we can increase our happiness level by being kind to others, about doing good things to others, encourage one another, build up one another, uh, greet one another, forgive one another. All these one another versus really opened the door to a sense of happiness and well being. And it's something we can all do immediately. Do you think something has changed in our culture? Any one thing, anything that you can put your finger on. I think a unique challenge of our generation is the social media phenomena. You know, it's it's really difficult to get on Facebook or Instagram or Twitter and not compare yourself to other people. Compare yourself to either to the number of followers or likes that they have, or compare yourself to that moment in time that is captured by that picture or by that video. Uh, it just takes just about all the wherewithal the weakened muster. Yeah. I I honestly consider myself kind of an emotionally healthy guy. I don't struggle a whole lot. I'm very blessed with I think a good well being. But when I get online and I see that so and so had thirty thousand likes, you know, to a particular picture or comment, I think, man, that never happens to me. Rather than being happy for that person, I tend to feel either inferior or even envious, and I'm not happy about that. I don't like that about me. That's something that needs to needs to improve. I shouldn't let that take my joy. But I think this social media era has as dealing with a level of comparisons that has comparisons on It's like it's own steroids. Now, comparison has always been an issue, you know. The idea is to learn to be happy with what you have, but it's a challenge in our day and age, I think because of social media, not to covet the life that someone has, are the the experience as someone has. So it's it's it's we just gotta learn to face it, and I think we face it. I really believe we face it by letting our identity be rooted in the fact that we are known and loved by God, rather than rooted in what we own, or drive, or the job we have. Those things come and go. But if we can let our identity and our sense of well being be rooted in the fact that we're known by God or loved by God, then we have a chance, we have a we have a winner's chance to really deal with this unhappiness that faces us. You know, we value ambition in our own lives, in the lives of our peers, our partners. We encourage it in our children. How do we balance the concept of contentment with that of ambition. That is a great question, and it has to do with being able to at once be ambitious, but number two, be content with your life. It's it's a balancing you know, if you're if your joy depends upon what you cannot control, then you're setting yourself up for disappointment. And that's when ambition can get us in trouble because there are certain things that we simply, you know, cannot control. I'm not truly aspire to be the quarterback for the Green Bay Packers, but if I ain't got the skills, you know, I ain't got the skills. There are certain things that we can control and certain things we can't. I can control how hard I work, I can control how diligently I train, but there are certain things I cannot control. So there's a certain balancing act to being able to be ambitious and yet be content and realize here's what I can control, Here's what I cannot. And I think that's part of the maturity in life, as we strive to achieve certain things to be content when we can't control everything. Max, hold that thought, we're going to be back in a moment first, that we have to stop for this message. Back with Max Locato, who is talking to me on the phone today about his new book, How Happiness Happens, And what a perfect time in our world's history to talk about how to make happiness happen in our life. Max, you say there's a secret in serving others. Can you tell us what you believe that secret to be? Well, the secret that I found in serving others is if you make it your aim to serve people, you'll always have a job. If you make it your aim to be served by people, you'll inevitably be frustrated. But if I can go into a day saying, Okay, today's the day I say hello to everyone, Today's the day I helped bring coffee to the table, or the day that I helped our kids with the homework. To day is the day that I clean the dishes, then watch out, world, You're going to succeed because there's always room in the world for service. I don't care who you are, or how high you get, or what kind of position you have. And if you can make it your aim to serve people, then you can be guaranteed you're going to succeed. And I think that's a real secret to contentment. Uh. If I'm expecting people to served me all day, I'm not going to be very happy. But if I'm making it my aim to serve others, then you can bet I'm going to find some great satisfaction every day. And how our forgiveness and happiness intertwined. What do you mean? What what do you What are you getting at when you say you give the advice we have to conduct a funeral when someone is in the process of forgiving. When Duke University released a study that had eight characteristics of happy people, four of those characteristics had to do with forgiving others and not harboring a grudge. Of course, we didn't need Duke University to conduct that study because all of us have experienced the unhappiness that comes from harboring a grudge. None of us are really happy when we're living perpetually ticked off at someone, And yet all of us have to deal with the reality that we get hurt in life. If we get bruised, we get beat up, and so what can we do well? In the book, I talk about maybe the most challenging of the one another versus is forgive one another. It's not easy, and I sure don't want to leave the impression that it is. And some of us have been hurt very very deeply in line, and so finding the ability to forgive somebody and move on is for many people the biggest challenge in life. And yet it's really important. When I talked about conducting a funeral, I put that at the last item on the list of about five or six steps a person can take in the direction of forgiveness. So there are several practical steps that we can take, but once you've gone through all that list, I encourage people to to just to just conduct a funeral, you know. I remember a man came to me once with a letter that was so full of anger. He was about to send to his wife's boss, but he finally reached a point where he decided not to send it, and he wanted to forgive his wife's boss for something that his wife's boss had done. And so he came into my office with that letter and a cigarette lighter and asked if he could use the metal trash can and he said, here's my funeral. I'm gonna burn this thing up. And that's where I got that idea. He watched that letter be consumed, and when the idea was he was going to let that letter be consumed rather than his soul be consumed with anger. I urged people do something to say, Okay, this is a line in the sand. I have given this event to God. I'm content that he knows how to settle the score. I've done all I can do. It's starting to take the joy out of me, so I'm moving on with life. You know, maybe having a funeral is a little too dramatic for some people, but but do something, do something that serves as a Mael marker. In fact, I just do a practical example. The other day, I was emailing somebody and they had not emailed me back, not email me back, and it's really bothered me. And I said, you know, in this final email, I said, this is my last email, and I'm not sure why you're not responding. I want you to know I respect you and and you're my friend, but something I've done has offended you. I apologize, but this is my last email. And so that was my way of saying, Okay, I've done all i can do, and I'm going to move on with life, and if this person ever responds to me, then then we can re engage. But until then, I hear what I'm saying. I've I've kind of respectfully moved on and I'm not going to allow that person to take anymore of my joy. I love that consume the grievance instead of letting it consume you. I love that. Let's take a break right here, Max, so I can tell folks about a movie coming to the theaters just one night, Monday, November four. The name of the movie is Christmas Jars, based on the novel by the same name. It's the story of holiday gift giving money filled glass jars anonymously given to people in need. It started as fiction, but once this story became a New York Times bestselling book, a new holiday tradition has taken off the last several years. At Christmas time, people have been generously placing Christmas jars at the front doors of people in their time of need all over our country see this story come to life in movie theaters on Monday night, November four. You can buy movie tickets in advance online at Fathom Events dot com. That's Fathom Events dot com and just search for Christmas Jars. This movie will warm your heart and set you in a holiday mood. Thank you for giving me that moment. Max. Let's talk about happiness and finding happiness and creating happiness. You ask your readers in How Happiness happens to take the happiness challenge? What is that? Okay? So? The happiness challenge is the idea of taking forty days, in over forty days, doing your best to make a hundred people happier. Do something that you typically would not do to raise the happiness level of a hundred people. Boy, the world needs it. I know that. Uh, but keep a journal in over forty days. It put these one another challenges to use. For example, when I took the challenge I made, I tried to be more conscious of greeting people, greeting every person that I saw if it was appropriate to greet them, that the person at the checkoutline in the grocery store, or the person checking me in at the airport. I tried, and instead of just we can hurry past people that are functionaries in our life, and even even people in the airport's security line. I'm trying to do better about saying thank you for keeping us safe and calling them by name if they're wearing a name tack. So little things like that over forty days for a hundred people, I think a person might be amazed how they will find that they are the happiest ones as they try to make other people happy. What's your advice, Max Cato for those who may be struggling this holiday season. The holidays have a way of making good memories even better, bad memories even worse, And so as you head into the holiday season, just equip yourself for that. Equip yourself. Realize that this is going to be a megaphone season, uh and some if you've had a hard year, it's gonna feel even worse as you head into the end of the year. So go on the offensive. Go on the offensive and say, Okay, I'm gonna pray about it, I'm going to be aware that this is going to happen. I'm gonna do my best to talk myself off the ledge. But when I can't. I'm going to analyst to help with friends. In fact, it would be advisable if you've had a hard year to line up two or three buddies or girlfriends uh and say hey, can I text you when I'm passing through a hard time? Can I call you if I get really down? Get the blues? Would you be there to help me? And line up some moral support, get the cavalry lined up, and then in line of what with what we're talking about, the one who gives volunteer at the soup kitchen, show up at the salvation army. Found the people who have less than you, and there's always somebody who has less than we and just just be a person who's a giver and that could offset this title wave of sadness that might be coming your way. That is great advice. They should listen to my show every night and pick up the book How Happiness Happens by Max Lucato, shouldn't they? I hope? So? Yes? How long has your show been on? Somebody was asking me that today. The truth. Yeah, I started full time, part time in September of nineteen four, unbelievable, and then I graduated high school in seventy eight, and I have been on the air consistently except for four months after Shiloh was born, was the only time I have been off the air for more than a week or two since nine. That is forty one years. Yeah, I have I have been on the air forty five years full time, forty one years. I can ask you a question about your radio work. When did you discover this? Really, I just think it's such a beautiful symmetry that this way of combining music with message that you've done so well through the years. You know what I'm talking about. You give a heartfelt talk or I just talk of your life, and and then there's the song you select is just perfect to reflect that well. My dad was a musician and a lyricist. He loved lyrics and he was a character. One thing that was consistent in our lives was his love of music, and he played in the band he was. He played the guitar and he if you said a thing, if you said, you know, it's raining outside, he would either start singing Rain, Rain, go away, or he would make up goofy lyrics. So he had all these goofy songs that became a part of our family's vernacular that my sister and I still sing today that mean absolutely nothing to anybody else, but they were a part of the fiber of our family. So I developed that love as well. And I've always written poems and I write lyrics, and I love lyrics. The thing that hooks me with a song is do the lyrics tell a story? Do they touch my heart? Do they you know? Do they inspire me? And so when I was in my twenties, I started taking listeners, stories, phone calls, or my stories and mixing them with music. I love painting a picture with words and the colors that I choose. Oh, the songs, the lyrics of the songs. Do you recall when you first had the idea to try this format? Oh yeah, yeah. I typed up a proposal and I gave it to my then program director. I still have it somewhere in my files. I haven't seen it for twenty years, but it's somewhere in my files. Or did you have to persuade him or she stuck a yellow sticky note on the front that said Dana Dana Horner was my general manager. Here's another damn proposal from Delilah. What are we going to do with her and and Dana looked at it and he said, you know, let's give it a shot. What have we got to lose. So they gave me permission to to try this out, and uh, the show shots to number one in like one or two rating periods, and yeah, it's been blessing me ever since. Well, it is a gift. It is a gift. So when did you know you had the gift of impacting hearts with your words? You write in such a power aerful way that your words and your examples and your illustrations just were like a beat of a drum to my heart, so impactful. M just your your composition is like an orchestrated song that staccato. It's so moving and so dah. Just yeah. You and I follow a parallel path in some degree. I finished seminary in the mid year to late seventies in the first church job I ever got was in seventy nine, and so I'm forty one years in into ministry. So we've been kind of trucking along in the same pace. I bet you haven't been fired as many times as I have. Have you been fired? Oh? A dozen times? Are you serious? I'm serious? Well, they made a mistake by firing you. Somebody's regretting that pink slip. Yeah, I like to say I do that. I told you so, dancer. How do you like me now? I've still got fourteen rejection letters from when I first tried to get a book published. Really yeah, but eventually did sign a contract with the very guys who refused my first manuscript, and they they've always been a bit apologetic. They're they're great. You know. I don't fault anybody for crying out loud. They get a thousand manuscripts, you know, a month across their desk. Um. But to their credit, one of my publishers used to have framed up on their walls a series of rejection letters that they had sent out to author sus books later became good sellers. I wouldn't want that job of trying to, you know, forecast what books are going to do well which ones are not. You know, I love your books because you just talk from your heart. Well, and I can say the same, this is the most pleasant conversation I've had in hours. Well, I'm going to pray that God would bless your book, bless you and your family, and that in this dark world that we live in, that people would choose happiness and choose joy. Thank you and thank you for being such a purveyor of happiness in our world, and I'm certainly a recipient of it. Thank you and God bless you. Wow. That was inspiring and healing. Talking with Max Lukedo about his new book. We ended up talking about so many things. His new book is called How Happiness Happens. But anything you read by Max, I promise you. I promise you pick up any book he's written and your heart will be touched. You cannot read his words without being moved. But How Happiness Happens was just published and it is out now. Look for Max Lucado wherever books are sold and be inspired. He such an inspirational man. Thank you for joining us on this episode of Love Someone with the Lina