Slow down and love someone. The woman I'm about to have a conversation with has a remarkable story. She is going to share her story about her journey growing up in a wonderful family in a community that was loving, caring, supportive. Her adoptive family are just like the best people ever. But she looked nothing like the family that adopted her. And we're going to talk about her journey of finding her birth parents, what that looked like, and what she discovered within herself along the way with me in the studio today to uh engage in conversation in our podcast, is um somebody that's not a famous recording artist. I wanted to talk to everyday people who are doing extraordinary things. And Angela, welcome to love someone with the life. And I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I saw you outside the studio and I was hollering at you. I think you heard me, Um, but I recognized you, and I felt like I know you because I've watched your um your movie two times now, and I like finding unique things to watch, like I don't own a television, but at night after I finished the show, if I can't wind down I look for documentaries, and I don't even know how your documentary came up on my computer, but the title of it is Closure, And I had no idea what it was about. It just the title intrigued me. And quite honestly, you're a beautiful woman in that your beauty like intrigued me because there was a picture of you and the title of the documentary. So I said, let's see what this is about. That must have been really startling for you, being an adoptive mother and just happening up on this story about transracial adoption, being an adoptive mother, you know, with a incredibly mixed family, where multi generational, multi racial, and I thought, well, I just watched a few minutes of this. I watched the entire documentary. I watched it, and I laughed with you, and I cried with you, and I rejoiced with you. And the next day I got up and I wrote to my executive producer of our podcast too also what Happens to be my sister, and said, oh my gosh, I want to get to know this lady. I want to talk to her and hear your story Angela, and have you share a little bit of your story but even more how you are using your story and your history to change the world for good. So welcome to our podcast. So tell us a little bit about your self. How old are you? I'm thirty three, thirty three, and how old were you when you were adopted? I was about a year old and it was a private adoption through an adoption agency. Well, I was adopted through the state um. However, the private agency who was in charge of me after I left the hospital in Chattanooga, Tennessee, wasn't able to find any families that were open to the myriad of medical problems that I was said to have, and so they opened it up to the whole United States. Anybody that was willing to adopt me could and so my parents were adopting through the state. But they found out about me, And how did they find out about you? My parents had adopted several children already with disabilities, and so I don't know if the agency knew about them, but somehow they knew of a family who was well connected with doctors and would be able to support the needs that I was supposedly going to have. At the time, the doctors had written that I would have spastic quadriplegia, that I would never walk and miss basketball star. Yeah, I saw, and in the documentary there's a little bit on that, not very much. But your parents worked really hard when you were a baby, right, doing physical therapy and massaging and stretching, and and the diagnosis went from not gonna walk, going to be in a wheelchair. And how many of your siblings are in wheelchairs? I know at least one is just one. My sister Shawna has cerebral policy. Yeah. Um, And so it went from from that diagnosis to well, okay, well maybe she'll be able to walk with aids, with walkers and crutches and braces, to playing basketball, which I love and was my outlet. I really think it was a misdiagnosis, which happens frequently when and kids don't have parents in the hospital, that dates are wrong on the paperwork, and I am. I think that I had a lot of drugs in my system that made my limbs really tight. So that, yeah, my foster parents too had to do so much work physical therapy, but I'm not sure that it was anything more than that. So you you were taken from the hospital to a foster family, and I saw there in the documentary Wonderful Family. Who shot the documentary my husband. I just had to get that out there. What's his name, Brian, And at the time he was not a filmmaker. I really just wanted someone to capture these moments when I was first meeting my first family, because I was so overwhelmed, and I knew that I wasn't going to remember things that are really important, like what color is deciding on my birth mom's house and was her grass mode, and like things that seem insignificant or really important to me. And so I was like, Brian, you you just video this? Yeah, so how long had you known Brian when you started? Because I could tell just from the quality of the videos that when you started you didn't think, let's turn this into a don No, we were just using a little flip camera. Brian and I had been married maybe three or four years, but all the time through our marriage and while we were dating, I was searching for my birth parents. So you had questions. So you were you went from the hospital? Um left there relinquished? Did your birth mom relinquish you in the hospital. It's also fuzzy. I'm not sure. I'm trying to understand the details. That sounds like she doesn't know either, right, because she was not in a good state of mind the right. So you were left at the hospital, You went into a foster home that knew they weren't going to adopt you, but cared for you. And then you were placed with your family, who live in uh what's now a pretty big town, but at the time, thirty years ago as a small town. Yeah, fifty people in Bellingham, Washington, and thousand, nine hundred of them are are white, are Caucasian. How is that? Growing up? Representation is so important, But growing up you don't know what you don't know. And I had a wonderful family. Your parents are saints, by the way. I could tell in the documentary that they just love you so much. They do, but they really don't like being called that. No, they don't, and you know because they're like, this is this is my family, my kids, and we didn't do anything extraordinary. And I love that about them. I don't think they're saints for adopting, you know, multiple kids. I think they're saints for juggling everything that they did. That's where the saint hood comes because I know what it's like to juggle one or two kids with special needs and doctor's appointments and therapy, and they at one time had how many kids in the house that all we're going to doctors, going to therapists, going to counseling, going to hospitals. Maybe ten. Yeah. See that's where the same hood comes in. That's amazing. And now you're all grown. How old is the youngest? Still, I'm the youngest. You're the youngest, Yes, but I was not the last to come to our family, right. But yeah, so they not only they broke all the adoption rules, um, but I feel like your mom and I are kindred spirits in so many ways. I think she'd love to hear that. Yeah, she sent me a present, thank you for bringing this. Yes, so she makes these weighted fuzzy blankets. Yeah, I mean the weighted blankets have been so helpful for me, even going through the search. Now in reunion, my birth dad recently passed away, which was really confusing and difficult because I didn't know him super well. But we look exactly exactly like. I mean, he's the first person I've ever seen that I look like. So, uh, let me just tell our listeners. People who have joined up podcast Loves Someone with Delila. I'm talking with a beautiful young woman, Angela Tucker, African American love the natural hair. It was fun to follow you in your documentary your my hairstyles. Yeah, you have great hairstyles. You have great hair. Uh. She and her husband did a documentary quite by accident. Started out just as a personal thing, and then they turned it into a documentary called Closure That journeys. It's like a journal of video journal of your journey to find your your birth family. And we're gonna come back and talk about that because there are some things that really resonated in my heart about the beginning of the journey and the struggles you face to find your birth family. We'll be back with Angela in just a moment in the studio today for our podcast. Is Angela Tucker, who is a beautiful you could model. You're so kind, you have such a radiant smile, Thank you, and a a fun style. I noticed that in in the documentary. I don't know if you like, don't shoot me now because I gotta go change my clothes. You all look so cute. Oh thank you. That was the thing that was hard is I would be lying in bed at night with my hair wrapped, and you know what starts a videotape. Well, I would have some thoughts about like my deepest thoughts come when we're about to go to sleep, and I would be thinking out loud like I'm never going to find my birth parents. This is never going to happen, and like lamenting to him, my husband, and he would be like, hold on, let me go, said I'm a camera all like no, And at that time, since we didn't think the film was gonna go on Netflix or Amazon Prime or anything, I was like, Yeah, this is gonna be my home video, so you can. You can film me and I'll keep talking to you. I think that's the magic of it is that people love that. It was just really honest. So let's talk about that the beginning steps. How old were you when you decided for for reals that you were going to search for your birth family. I think I was about And one of the things that resonated with me was when you first told your family supportive or not so much, very completely supportive, supportive even prior to twenty one, because I'd always had so many questions about my birth family and it was always met with We are curious about your birth family too. We want to know where did you get your athletic abilities from? Where did your big smile come from? That felt really supportive, like I knew they would be along the journey with me, and they were along the journey the whole way. However, it wasn't until I watched what my husband had filmed an interview with my mom. I was watching it on screen, and she said that she did fear being replaced by this birth mother if I found her. I had never heard her say anything like that, And I think that's beautiful because if I had known that, I'm not so sure I would have searched, because I don't adoptees don't want to hurt our parents or anybody. And and so I'm I'm grateful that she was able to separate her feelings from my needs. That's true love. I mean that right there is true love. Love is saying your needs are more important than my wants. So you go on this search, and I love how you found your birthday. His name is so unique, so unique, So his his birth name is oh tious, but the city who has fallen in love with him and his He's kind of an icon, but he is Sandy the flower Man. But in your search you all you had was Oterious, right, no last name? Right? Oh, tarious is not a real common name, Thank goodness. Because my birth mom, her name is Deborah Johnson, and I knew her last name was Johnson. And I'm like, okay, this is not going to be easy. Yeah, okay. So but with the name Oterious in their last names, how did you know your birth mom's last name? Because most of them are redacted. I think someone forgot to redact, but oterious last name. I love this was redacted. It was redacted, but you could tell from the number of characters that were painted over that it was a short last name. Yeah, we're like, it's probably four letters, five letters. We got a computer and tried to get the same type font to figure out exactly and how many letters it might be, and it came out four letters. So, armed with that information first name, ohterious, last name four letters, then we were able to plug it into a search engine in the state of Tennessee, how many people named Oterious are there? And this search engine brought up I think five and one with the last name Bell. So there were the four characters, Four Spaces and ding the ng ding ding at rang a bell. Well, yeah, so when we typed in no turious bell up popped this male version of myself. How did that feel to look? Because Sandy the flower Man was quite, like you said, beloved in his community, completely very very um affectionate, just a loving, loving man that endeared himself to the whole community. And when I saw in the documentary his face, I was like, oh boy, no denying, that's your daddy. I mean, it's it's overwhelming. After living life, it was really jealous of my sister, who is my parents biological daughter, who's just beautiful. My dad has these neon blue eyes and my sister does too, And so growing up hearing everyone say, like, your eyes are so beautiful, you look just like your dad, I would just be sitting there wishing that could be me. I wish I wanted to hear I wanted, And so growing up without that and having white people all around me and longing to look like them. So my five older children are all people of color. And then I had a biological daughter who looks just like me. Blonde, fair skin, blue eyes like your your your adoptive father's eyes. And when she was maybe four years old, Sheila came to me and she says, my bear, I want braids like Tangy you're like. And I said, well, baby, I don't know that they sell blonde hair where I get Tangi's braids done. But I'll ask next time we go, and maybe you can get braids like Tangy. And she says, no, mob, Bear, She just I want black braids like my big sister. And I said, well, honey, I think that might look kind of different with your very fair skin. But wow, what bizarre standards we have in our society of what is beautiful and what is powerful. Yeah, it took me so long to embrace my natural hair. I'm proud of it now, but for so long I wanted it to flow in the wind when we were driving in our convertible like my mom's and my sisters. As I got older and met black women, it was comforting to know that black women who were raised by their biological black parents also went through all these hair stages. These are the things that you talk about in your life every day because you counsel people who are in trans racial situations. Yeah, I do a lot of teaching on transmistional adoption using my own experience, there is a need to change your environment so that a child of color can grow up feeling strong, empowered, beautiful. Yes, and so I talk about the ways that families can do that. You know, my girlfriend Wendy adopted her little girl from China, and um, she has done everything to keep her daughter connected to her heritage. So what are some things that you tell people? Yeah, I mean, typically transmacial adoption still means white parents and kids of color. So I talk a lot about uh, whiteness. So for white parents needing to understand what it means to grow up in a world that reflects you, because many times white folks don't see that right away, don't see that they have representation all around them. And it's so that providing a safe and wonderful home isn't automatically going to feel that way for their children. Um. I remember one time when my mom took me to an African fashion show at the university and belling him and I was little, and so and she went and she was the only white person in the room. And I remember, as a little kid just feeling kind of subconsciously feeling proud that my mom could be in what it was like in my place. She could be in my shoes and not make it about her, but it was. It was a time for me to see others, but she was the only person, and it felt like she was so willing to try to experience what it felt like for me every day. I loved that, And you shared in the documentary that your folks did a lot of things like that to try to keep you connected h and help you to develop your identity. But what happened after you found oterious your biological your birthdad, My birth dad had no idea that he had a child, and so he was shocked. And so we're all of his siblings, and he had been told, at least in the documentary, you shared that he had been told that medically he was not the bole of fathering children, and he had not fathered any children before or after to his knowledge. And along comes this beautiful young lady, so crazy, it was so exciting for everybody. I am there near where he lives with my husband, to his white, my parents who were white, one of my sisters who's white with her husband. So it's this entourage of somebody that looks just like him, who's saying, I think I'm your daughter, and all these white folks, and I'm sure it was really a strange sight, but at the same time it was undeniable, you know. And we took the d NA, We took a DNA test, but as everyone was saying, you didn't really need to do that. Yeah, you are a carbon copy, beautiful, beautiful carbon copy of your biological father. And he was in the documentary. He was overwhelmed with joy. Yes, he had wanted a a child, and he has a big family. He has six siblings and all of them have children, and he was the only one that didn't. And when did you lose him? When did he pass three weeks ago? Oh, I am so sorry. And so going back to his funeral, there were so many issues only developed because of transracial adoption that was coming up. You know that I didn't know so many of the cultural traditions around funerals and wakes. But growing up in the Pacific Northwest, the furthest corner away from the Deep South, yes, and we are traditions here are in the Northwest are so different. But for me, as a transactional adoptee to look just like my birth family on my dad's side and be experiencing culture shock is complicated. And there were a couple of weeks, and then the funeral the next day, and then the session because he was a marine. Ah yeah, bless him, bless him. Wow, Angela, thank you for sharing the story of your birth dad. What uh What a joy that must have been to his heart to have spent his whole life thinking he couldn't have a child, then to discover not only did he have a child, but such a beautiful, remarkable daughter. Your story is moving. Why I'm While I'm very sorry to hear his passing and sad you don't have more opportunities to make memories, I'm happy you did have the opportunity to meet him. Oh terious and rejoice in your love for one another. We're going to take a little break here so I can tell everyone about our podcast sponsor, and when we come back, I hope you'll share the part of your story about reconnecting with your birth mom with us too. When the weather turns nice, the outdoor projects can get started, like painting the outside of the home. The home depot makes finding your color and choosing the right paint for the exterior of your home easier than ever. The home depot is always generous with paint samples, and once you decide what your color is going to be, you'll get all the help you need and all the supplies you need. The home depot, more saving, more doing. Let's get back to our conversation with Angela Tucker and here how she finally reconnected with her birth mom. This was the hard part for me in the video because I want my kids to have connections with their biological families. And it's easier now than when you were young because the internet. You know, the Internet makes anything possible. But when when you found your birth dad, he knew who your birth mom was and took you there and she said you leave, leave right away. And when I even though my birth dad had brought us there and literally she knew recognized him and he knew her. Obviously, I got back into the car with my my husband, my parents, and it was like, bummer, we didn't find her. Let's keep looking because you were just in denial. Yeah, And I just it was so overwhelming. I just wanted to believe what people were telling me, that that wasn't the right woman that birth you. Yeah. And then though she had the same name everything. Yes, so that's that's really deep denial. Yeah, I mean I've for what was about twenty six years at that point, had dreamt that my birth mother was Halle Berry because she's just beautiful and why not or you know, you would make up all these fantasies about who who might be my birth mom and why you might have been placed for adoption, right, and so this just didn't match any of your fantasies the reality I could tell in the documentary My Heart. It was so hard to watch. My heart just broke for you. The rejection was hard. But I'm super excited to be working on a novel with my birth mom right now, which says a whole lot. Because she did finally come around a year later, a lot of people were learning that that I was out there because of the Internet, because of Facebook. I was then connected with my birth sister and a couple of birth brothers, and so I was chatting with them. Did you find the other child that your mom plays? Because she placed two children, We're still looking. Do you know names? We know a first name, Rachel, and do you know she was adopted in We think we know into Pennsylvania and how old? What was her birthday? She's one year older than me January or so, who knows, Maybe somebody listening to this podcast, a beautiful young black woman named Rachel might be listening, or they might have changed her name, but that she might be looking for the same answers. And if she is, let's tell them how that she can find your web series and connect with you. And if it's not her, I know there's going to be a lot of people who are in the adoption triad, either adoptive parents or birth parents or children that might want to talk to you or connect with you, Angela. How can they do that? Yeah? So the Adopted Life dot Com is my website where i have videos that I'm talking with other trans racially adopted youth, and i have blogs where I'm just kind of talking through all of the complex thoughts and feelings that I and other adoptees have. So that's an easy way. And then I'm on Facebook and Instagram. And which is how I found you after I watched the documentary, is that I gotta find more about this woman because you're so dynamic and you have such a great story. So tell me about the Project Search and Reunion. Well, that's an interesting project that I'm doing through AMARA, where I work foster care agency in Seattle and Pierce County. But I'm the director of Post Adoption Services and AMAR has been opened since nine, so since nine they've been facilitating adoptions. And I was recognizing that because of how we used to do adoptions, which were very secretive. We wouldn't tell people facts about their life because it was all in good intentions but harmful ultimately for adoptees to not know things about themselves. So I was finding that we hadn't told folks that, for example, they had siblings because a social worker thought that it might be too difficult for that person to know that the siblings were a lie even maybe weren't full siblings, or for whatever reason, chose not to tell them. And so this project, I am going through over three thousand of our own files to make sure that every adoptee that has ever come through our agency has all of the information that they can't know about themselves. Wow, that's amazing. There's a young woman who contacted me on on my Facebook through the radio show, who is UH, an adoptee adopted at ten through foster care, has no idea what happened to her the ten years she was in foster care and in the state she's in the state will not release any of her records. Yeah, it's an injustice in the laws are moving. The laws are oftentimes slower than society moves, and so people are able to find stuff out about themselves through at home DNA kits and just Google and things. But the laws prevent agencies from giveing that very information to them and so that that's part of Project Search and Reunion too, is we're going to push the limits. So how do we change the laws? We need to hear more stories from people whom it directly impacts. Who's we though? Who? How do we get the laws? How do you and I? What do you and I do? Who do we call? I think we call our legislature? Yeah, I think we're lobbying. The issues of adoption are still so shrouded in like adoption so great, Like if you were adopted at ten out of foster care and you had a loving home, why would you need to know anything else. It's important that people find this out. It helps us make sense of our lives. For me, meeting my birth parents helped me understand why I needed to be adopted, even though I knew on paper, meeting them it made more sense and I felt loved because I also met my birth dad, who is so full of Joe. Boy, He's not just homeless and has an addiction. And my birth mother is not just poor. She loves her kids. And so for me being able to meet her and hear that, also meeting my foster parents, to hear your birth say I didn't want somebody in my family to take her. I wanted her to break free of this and have a better life. Wow, she wanted to break the cycle. Boyd didn't she look at you? Educated, married to a man who adores you, an adoptive family who would move heaven and earth for you, And now you're moving heaven and earth for other people. I hope. So I love that Angela Tucker is with us today. You're writing a book with your birth mom. What's the title of the book. Have you got a working title? Are you going to surprise us? I think also rise? Okay, we're going to look forward to that. But if folks want to find you the Adopted Life web series and Angela Tucker, they can find you on social media Facebook, speaking all over the country as well about transracial adoption stuff. So I love meeting people and hearing their stories. Awesome. Thank you for being here with us. Go to the Adopted Life dot Com for Angela's web series featuring conversations with transracially adopted teens. To view her documentary Closure, which is what led me to Angela. I love watching documentaries, and I stumbled upon her as late one night, and I was I was just motivated to meet her, to find out about her, to hear her story, and to learn more about her workshops and her consultation services. Angela is one person making a huge difference in the lives of adoptees and their family, especially children adopted across racial lines. Through her own curiosity and her quest to discover more about herself, she uncovered a passion for educating and supporting others and now devotes her life to this important work. She's changing the world, one heart at a time. I am so very fortunate to have made this connection with her. My life is richer for knowing Angela's story. It helps me to appreciate the circumstances my own children find themselves in Because I have eleven adopted children. None of them look like me. They are all transracial adoptions, and it underscores the importance of exposing them to positive representations of their rich, beautiful cultures, their heritage. I hope you have enjoyed this episode of Love Someone as much as I have. Subscribe to my podcast and get access to each new episode as soon as it's published. Until then, join me on the radio and do me if they take some time out of your busy schedule to slow down and love someone, do

Slow down and love someone. The woman I'm about to have a conversation with has a remarkable story. She is going to share her story about her journey growing up in a wonderful family in a community that was loving, caring, supportive. Her adoptive family are just like the best people ever. But she looked nothing like the family that adopted her. And we're going to talk about her journey of finding her birth parents, what that looked like, and what she discovered within herself along the way with me in the studio today to uh engage in conversation in our podcast, is um somebody that's not a famous recording artist. I wanted to talk to everyday people who are doing extraordinary things. And Angela, welcome to love someone with the life. And I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I saw you outside the studio and I was hollering at you. I think you heard me, Um, but I recognized you, and I felt like I know you because I've watched your um your movie two times now, and I like finding unique things to watch, like I don't own a television, but at night after I finished the show, if I can't wind down I look for documentaries, and I don't even know how your documentary came up on my computer, but the title of it is Closure, And I had no idea what it was about. It just the title intrigued me. And quite honestly, you're a beautiful woman in that your beauty like intrigued me because there was a picture of you and the title of the documentary. So I said, let's see what this is about. That must have been really startling for you, being an adoptive mother and just happening up on this story about transracial adoption, being an adoptive mother, you know, with a incredibly mixed family, where multi generational, multi racial, and I thought, well, I just watched a few minutes of this. I watched the entire documentary. I watched it, and I laughed with you, and I cried with you, and I rejoiced with you. And the next day I got up and I wrote to my executive producer of our podcast too also what Happens to be my sister, and said, oh my gosh, I want to get to know this lady. I want to talk to her and hear your story Angela, and have you share a little bit of your story but even more how you are using your story and your history to change the world for good. So welcome to our podcast. So tell us a little bit about your self. How old are you? I'm thirty three, thirty three, and how old were you when you were adopted? I was about a year old and it was a private adoption through an adoption agency. Well, I was adopted through the state um. However, the private agency who was in charge of me after I left the hospital in Chattanooga, Tennessee, wasn't able to find any families that were open to the myriad of medical problems that I was said to have, and so they opened it up to the whole United States. Anybody that was willing to adopt me could and so my parents were adopting through the state. But they found out about me, And how did they find out about you? My parents had adopted several children already with disabilities, and so I don't know if the agency knew about them, but somehow they knew of a family who was well connected with doctors and would be able to support the needs that I was supposedly going to have. At the time, the doctors had written that I would have spastic quadriplegia, that I would never walk and miss basketball star. Yeah, I saw, and in the documentary there's a little bit on that, not very much. But your parents worked really hard when you were a baby, right, doing physical therapy and massaging and stretching, and and the diagnosis went from not gonna walk, going to be in a wheelchair. And how many of your siblings are in wheelchairs? I know at least one is just one. My sister Shawna has cerebral policy. Yeah. Um, And so it went from from that diagnosis to well, okay, well maybe she'll be able to walk with aids, with walkers and crutches and braces, to playing basketball, which I love and was my outlet. I really think it was a misdiagnosis, which happens frequently when and kids don't have parents in the hospital, that dates are wrong on the paperwork, and I am. I think that I had a lot of drugs in my system that made my limbs really tight. So that, yeah, my foster parents too had to do so much work physical therapy, but I'm not sure that it was anything more than that. So you you were taken from the hospital to a foster family, and I saw there in the documentary Wonderful Family. Who shot the documentary my husband. I just had to get that out there. What's his name, Brian, And at the time he was not a filmmaker. I really just wanted someone to capture these moments when I was first meeting my first family, because I was so overwhelmed, and I knew that I wasn't going to remember things that are really important, like what color is deciding on my birth mom's house and was her grass mode, and like things that seem insignificant or really important to me. And so I was like, Brian, you you just video this? Yeah, so how long had you known Brian when you started? Because I could tell just from the quality of the videos that when you started you didn't think, let's turn this into a don No, we were just using a little flip camera. Brian and I had been married maybe three or four years, but all the time through our marriage and while we were dating, I was searching for my birth parents. So you had questions. So you were you went from the hospital? Um left there relinquished? Did your birth mom relinquish you in the hospital. It's also fuzzy. I'm not sure. I'm trying to understand the details. That sounds like she doesn't know either, right, because she was not in a good state of mind the right. So you were left at the hospital, You went into a foster home that knew they weren't going to adopt you, but cared for you. And then you were placed with your family, who live in uh what's now a pretty big town, but at the time, thirty years ago as a small town. Yeah, fifty people in Bellingham, Washington, and thousand, nine hundred of them are are white, are Caucasian. How is that? Growing up? Representation is so important, But growing up you don't know what you don't know. And I had a wonderful family. Your parents are saints, by the way. I could tell in the documentary that they just love you so much. They do, but they really don't like being called that. No, they don't, and you know because they're like, this is this is my family, my kids, and we didn't do anything extraordinary. And I love that about them. I don't think they're saints for adopting, you know, multiple kids. I think they're saints for juggling everything that they did. That's where the saint hood comes because I know what it's like to juggle one or two kids with special needs and doctor's appointments and therapy, and they at one time had how many kids in the house that all we're going to doctors, going to therapists, going to counseling, going to hospitals. Maybe ten. Yeah. See that's where the same hood comes in. That's amazing. And now you're all grown. How old is the youngest? Still, I'm the youngest. You're the youngest, Yes, but I was not the last to come to our family, right. But yeah, so they not only they broke all the adoption rules, um, but I feel like your mom and I are kindred spirits in so many ways. I think she'd love to hear that. Yeah, she sent me a present, thank you for bringing this. Yes, so she makes these weighted fuzzy blankets. Yeah, I mean the weighted blankets have been so helpful for me, even going through the search. Now in reunion, my birth dad recently passed away, which was really confusing and difficult because I didn't know him super well. But we look exactly exactly like. I mean, he's the first person I've ever seen that I look like. So, uh, let me just tell our listeners. People who have joined up podcast Loves Someone with Delila. I'm talking with a beautiful young woman, Angela Tucker, African American love the natural hair. It was fun to follow you in your documentary your my hairstyles. Yeah, you have great hairstyles. You have great hair. Uh. She and her husband did a documentary quite by accident. Started out just as a personal thing, and then they turned it into a documentary called Closure That journeys. It's like a journal of video journal of your journey to find your your birth family. And we're gonna come back and talk about that because there are some things that really resonated in my heart about the beginning of the journey and the struggles you face to find your birth family. We'll be back with Angela in just a moment in the studio today for our podcast. Is Angela Tucker, who is a beautiful you could model. You're so kind, you have such a radiant smile, Thank you, and a a fun style. I noticed that in in the documentary. I don't know if you like, don't shoot me now because I gotta go change my clothes. You all look so cute. Oh thank you. That was the thing that was hard is I would be lying in bed at night with my hair wrapped, and you know what starts a videotape. Well, I would have some thoughts about like my deepest thoughts come when we're about to go to sleep, and I would be thinking out loud like I'm never going to find my birth parents. This is never going to happen, and like lamenting to him, my husband, and he would be like, hold on, let me go, said I'm a camera all like no, And at that time, since we didn't think the film was gonna go on Netflix or Amazon Prime or anything, I was like, Yeah, this is gonna be my home video, so you can. You can film me and I'll keep talking to you. I think that's the magic of it is that people love that. It was just really honest. So let's talk about that the beginning steps. How old were you when you decided for for reals that you were going to search for your birth family. I think I was about And one of the things that resonated with me was when you first told your family supportive or not so much, very completely supportive, supportive even prior to twenty one, because I'd always had so many questions about my birth family and it was always met with We are curious about your birth family too. We want to know where did you get your athletic abilities from? Where did your big smile come from? That felt really supportive, like I knew they would be along the journey with me, and they were along the journey the whole way. However, it wasn't until I watched what my husband had filmed an interview with my mom. I was watching it on screen, and she said that she did fear being replaced by this birth mother if I found her. I had never heard her say anything like that, And I think that's beautiful because if I had known that, I'm not so sure I would have searched, because I don't adoptees don't want to hurt our parents or anybody. And and so I'm I'm grateful that she was able to separate her feelings from my needs. That's true love. I mean that right there is true love. Love is saying your needs are more important than my wants. So you go on this search, and I love how you found your birthday. His name is so unique, so unique, So his his birth name is oh tious, but the city who has fallen in love with him and his He's kind of an icon, but he is Sandy the flower Man. But in your search you all you had was Oterious, right, no last name? Right? Oh, tarious is not a real common name, Thank goodness. Because my birth mom, her name is Deborah Johnson, and I knew her last name was Johnson. And I'm like, okay, this is not going to be easy. Yeah, okay. So but with the name Oterious in their last names, how did you know your birth mom's last name? Because most of them are redacted. I think someone forgot to redact, but oterious last name. I love this was redacted. It was redacted, but you could tell from the number of characters that were painted over that it was a short last name. Yeah, we're like, it's probably four letters, five letters. We got a computer and tried to get the same type font to figure out exactly and how many letters it might be, and it came out four letters. So, armed with that information first name, ohterious, last name four letters, then we were able to plug it into a search engine in the state of Tennessee, how many people named Oterious are there? And this search engine brought up I think five and one with the last name Bell. So there were the four characters, Four Spaces and ding the ng ding ding at rang a bell. Well, yeah, so when we typed in no turious bell up popped this male version of myself. How did that feel to look? Because Sandy the flower Man was quite, like you said, beloved in his community, completely very very um affectionate, just a loving, loving man that endeared himself to the whole community. And when I saw in the documentary his face, I was like, oh boy, no denying, that's your daddy. I mean, it's it's overwhelming. After living life, it was really jealous of my sister, who is my parents biological daughter, who's just beautiful. My dad has these neon blue eyes and my sister does too, And so growing up hearing everyone say, like, your eyes are so beautiful, you look just like your dad, I would just be sitting there wishing that could be me. I wish I wanted to hear I wanted, And so growing up without that and having white people all around me and longing to look like them. So my five older children are all people of color. And then I had a biological daughter who looks just like me. Blonde, fair skin, blue eyes like your your your adoptive father's eyes. And when she was maybe four years old, Sheila came to me and she says, my bear, I want braids like Tangy you're like. And I said, well, baby, I don't know that they sell blonde hair where I get Tangi's braids done. But I'll ask next time we go, and maybe you can get braids like Tangy. And she says, no, mob, Bear, She just I want black braids like my big sister. And I said, well, honey, I think that might look kind of different with your very fair skin. But wow, what bizarre standards we have in our society of what is beautiful and what is powerful. Yeah, it took me so long to embrace my natural hair. I'm proud of it now, but for so long I wanted it to flow in the wind when we were driving in our convertible like my mom's and my sisters. As I got older and met black women, it was comforting to know that black women who were raised by their biological black parents also went through all these hair stages. These are the things that you talk about in your life every day because you counsel people who are in trans racial situations. Yeah, I do a lot of teaching on transmistional adoption using my own experience, there is a need to change your environment so that a child of color can grow up feeling strong, empowered, beautiful. Yes, and so I talk about the ways that families can do that. You know, my girlfriend Wendy adopted her little girl from China, and um, she has done everything to keep her daughter connected to her heritage. So what are some things that you tell people? Yeah, I mean, typically transmacial adoption still means white parents and kids of color. So I talk a lot about uh, whiteness. So for white parents needing to understand what it means to grow up in a world that reflects you, because many times white folks don't see that right away, don't see that they have representation all around them. And it's so that providing a safe and wonderful home isn't automatically going to feel that way for their children. Um. I remember one time when my mom took me to an African fashion show at the university and belling him and I was little, and so and she went and she was the only white person in the room. And I remember, as a little kid just feeling kind of subconsciously feeling proud that my mom could be in what it was like in my place. She could be in my shoes and not make it about her, but it was. It was a time for me to see others, but she was the only person, and it felt like she was so willing to try to experience what it felt like for me every day. I loved that, And you shared in the documentary that your folks did a lot of things like that to try to keep you connected h and help you to develop your identity. But what happened after you found oterious your biological your birthdad, My birth dad had no idea that he had a child, and so he was shocked. And so we're all of his siblings, and he had been told, at least in the documentary, you shared that he had been told that medically he was not the bole of fathering children, and he had not fathered any children before or after to his knowledge. And along comes this beautiful young lady, so crazy, it was so exciting for everybody. I am there near where he lives with my husband, to his white, my parents who were white, one of my sisters who's white with her husband. So it's this entourage of somebody that looks just like him, who's saying, I think I'm your daughter, and all these white folks, and I'm sure it was really a strange sight, but at the same time it was undeniable, you know. And we took the d NA, We took a DNA test, but as everyone was saying, you didn't really need to do that. Yeah, you are a carbon copy, beautiful, beautiful carbon copy of your biological father. And he was in the documentary. He was overwhelmed with joy. Yes, he had wanted a a child, and he has a big family. He has six siblings and all of them have children, and he was the only one that didn't. And when did you lose him? When did he pass three weeks ago? Oh, I am so sorry. And so going back to his funeral, there were so many issues only developed because of transracial adoption that was coming up. You know that I didn't know so many of the cultural traditions around funerals and wakes. But growing up in the Pacific Northwest, the furthest corner away from the Deep South, yes, and we are traditions here are in the Northwest are so different. But for me, as a transactional adoptee to look just like my birth family on my dad's side and be experiencing culture shock is complicated. And there were a couple of weeks, and then the funeral the next day, and then the session because he was a marine. Ah yeah, bless him, bless him. Wow, Angela, thank you for sharing the story of your birth dad. What uh What a joy that must have been to his heart to have spent his whole life thinking he couldn't have a child, then to discover not only did he have a child, but such a beautiful, remarkable daughter. Your story is moving. Why I'm While I'm very sorry to hear his passing and sad you don't have more opportunities to make memories, I'm happy you did have the opportunity to meet him. Oh terious and rejoice in your love for one another. We're going to take a little break here so I can tell everyone about our podcast sponsor, and when we come back, I hope you'll share the part of your story about reconnecting with your birth mom with us too. When the weather turns nice, the outdoor projects can get started, like painting the outside of the home. The home depot makes finding your color and choosing the right paint for the exterior of your home easier than ever. The home depot is always generous with paint samples, and once you decide what your color is going to be, you'll get all the help you need and all the supplies you need. The home depot, more saving, more doing. Let's get back to our conversation with Angela Tucker and here how she finally reconnected with her birth mom. This was the hard part for me in the video because I want my kids to have connections with their biological families. And it's easier now than when you were young because the internet. You know, the Internet makes anything possible. But when when you found your birth dad, he knew who your birth mom was and took you there and she said you leave, leave right away. And when I even though my birth dad had brought us there and literally she knew recognized him and he knew her. Obviously, I got back into the car with my my husband, my parents, and it was like, bummer, we didn't find her. Let's keep looking because you were just in denial. Yeah, And I just it was so overwhelming. I just wanted to believe what people were telling me, that that wasn't the right woman that birth you. Yeah. And then though she had the same name everything. Yes, so that's that's really deep denial. Yeah, I mean I've for what was about twenty six years at that point, had dreamt that my birth mother was Halle Berry because she's just beautiful and why not or you know, you would make up all these fantasies about who who might be my birth mom and why you might have been placed for adoption, right, and so this just didn't match any of your fantasies the reality I could tell in the documentary My Heart. It was so hard to watch. My heart just broke for you. The rejection was hard. But I'm super excited to be working on a novel with my birth mom right now, which says a whole lot. Because she did finally come around a year later, a lot of people were learning that that I was out there because of the Internet, because of Facebook. I was then connected with my birth sister and a couple of birth brothers, and so I was chatting with them. Did you find the other child that your mom plays? Because she placed two children, We're still looking. Do you know names? We know a first name, Rachel, and do you know she was adopted in We think we know into Pennsylvania and how old? What was her birthday? She's one year older than me January or so, who knows, Maybe somebody listening to this podcast, a beautiful young black woman named Rachel might be listening, or they might have changed her name, but that she might be looking for the same answers. And if she is, let's tell them how that she can find your web series and connect with you. And if it's not her, I know there's going to be a lot of people who are in the adoption triad, either adoptive parents or birth parents or children that might want to talk to you or connect with you, Angela. How can they do that? Yeah? So the Adopted Life dot Com is my website where i have videos that I'm talking with other trans racially adopted youth, and i have blogs where I'm just kind of talking through all of the complex thoughts and feelings that I and other adoptees have. So that's an easy way. And then I'm on Facebook and Instagram. And which is how I found you after I watched the documentary, is that I gotta find more about this woman because you're so dynamic and you have such a great story. So tell me about the Project Search and Reunion. Well, that's an interesting project that I'm doing through AMARA, where I work foster care agency in Seattle and Pierce County. But I'm the director of Post Adoption Services and AMAR has been opened since nine, so since nine they've been facilitating adoptions. And I was recognizing that because of how we used to do adoptions, which were very secretive. We wouldn't tell people facts about their life because it was all in good intentions but harmful ultimately for adoptees to not know things about themselves. So I was finding that we hadn't told folks that, for example, they had siblings because a social worker thought that it might be too difficult for that person to know that the siblings were a lie even maybe weren't full siblings, or for whatever reason, chose not to tell them. And so this project, I am going through over three thousand of our own files to make sure that every adoptee that has ever come through our agency has all of the information that they can't know about themselves. Wow, that's amazing. There's a young woman who contacted me on on my Facebook through the radio show, who is UH, an adoptee adopted at ten through foster care, has no idea what happened to her the ten years she was in foster care and in the state she's in the state will not release any of her records. Yeah, it's an injustice in the laws are moving. The laws are oftentimes slower than society moves, and so people are able to find stuff out about themselves through at home DNA kits and just Google and things. But the laws prevent agencies from giveing that very information to them and so that that's part of Project Search and Reunion too, is we're going to push the limits. So how do we change the laws? We need to hear more stories from people whom it directly impacts. Who's we though? Who? How do we get the laws? How do you and I? What do you and I do? Who do we call? I think we call our legislature? Yeah, I think we're lobbying. The issues of adoption are still so shrouded in like adoption so great, Like if you were adopted at ten out of foster care and you had a loving home, why would you need to know anything else. It's important that people find this out. It helps us make sense of our lives. For me, meeting my birth parents helped me understand why I needed to be adopted, even though I knew on paper, meeting them it made more sense and I felt loved because I also met my birth dad, who is so full of Joe. Boy, He's not just homeless and has an addiction. And my birth mother is not just poor. She loves her kids. And so for me being able to meet her and hear that, also meeting my foster parents, to hear your birth say I didn't want somebody in my family to take her. I wanted her to break free of this and have a better life. Wow, she wanted to break the cycle. Boyd didn't she look at you? Educated, married to a man who adores you, an adoptive family who would move heaven and earth for you, And now you're moving heaven and earth for other people. I hope. So I love that Angela Tucker is with us today. You're writing a book with your birth mom. What's the title of the book. Have you got a working title? Are you going to surprise us? I think also rise? Okay, we're going to look forward to that. But if folks want to find you the Adopted Life web series and Angela Tucker, they can find you on social media Facebook, speaking all over the country as well about transracial adoption stuff. So I love meeting people and hearing their stories. Awesome. Thank you for being here with us. Go to the Adopted Life dot Com for Angela's web series featuring conversations with transracially adopted teens. To view her documentary Closure, which is what led me to Angela. I love watching documentaries, and I stumbled upon her as late one night, and I was I was just motivated to meet her, to find out about her, to hear her story, and to learn more about her workshops and her consultation services. Angela is one person making a huge difference in the lives of adoptees and their family, especially children adopted across racial lines. Through her own curiosity and her quest to discover more about herself, she uncovered a passion for educating and supporting others and now devotes her life to this important work. She's changing the world, one heart at a time. I am so very fortunate to have made this connection with her. My life is richer for knowing Angela's story. It helps me to appreciate the circumstances my own children find themselves in Because I have eleven adopted children. None of them look like me. They are all transracial adoptions, and it underscores the importance of exposing them to positive representations of their rich, beautiful cultures, their heritage. I hope you have enjoyed this episode of Love Someone as much as I have. Subscribe to my podcast and get access to each new episode as soon as it's published. Until then, join me on the radio and do me if they take some time out of your busy schedule to slow down and love someone, do