Before Rose became the spooky girl with dark, foreboding energy she is today, she was the Eloise of the Boynton Beach Mall, taking cabs alone as a tween to go buy bondage pants and red Manic Panic hair dye. Meanwhile, Fran was on the other side of Hot Topic’s sex dungeon facade, eating an Auntie Anne’s pretzel and longing for gothness. Together they take you through their early aughts evolutions from mall goth to Alternative. Diversions include: the house of pale evil spirits that was Abercrombie and Fitch, Old Navy zip-off ski pants, and Evelyn’s Favorite Pasta.

Plus, hot takes on Adele’s 30, Keanu’s algorithmically perfect Boyfriend moves, why Eddie Redmayne doesn’t need to talk, the latest in Marie Antoinette (2006) inspired girlboss period dramas, and which Housewives Fran & Rose would (and wouldn’t) send on an Ultimate Girls Trip.

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