Life UncutWE ARE BACK BABY! Did he put a ring on it? And taking swipes at your ex
Hey Lifers,
It's so nice to be back in your ear holes!! We are coming to you cross hemispherically (but you're not to trust Laura with geography).
First up today, we have a big catch up about what's happened over the break! This catch up included Britt frolicking to the nicest destinations on the planet and Laura being hospitalised with pneumonia. So, you know, same same!
We have a big chat about asking your friend when they're going to going to get engaged/proposed to. Do we all need to stop doing this?
We also talk about whether you should, if given the chance, take a swipe at an ex. Chelsea Handler hosted the critic's choice awards the week after her ex boyfriend Jo Koy hosted the Golden globes and the two monologues were like chalk and cheese. The audience's laughter and acknowledgement of joke writers really showed who came out on top. We also discussed whether gendered jokes are okay in one direction and not the other.
You can watch Chelsea Handler's whole monologue here.
It's so nice to be back and we're really excited about what is planned for this year!
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Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders past and present.
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was recorded on de rug Wallamata Land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
I'm Laura. I'm Frittney, and this feels a little bit weird. I feel like you swear to God, you have like three or four weeks off Matts and you feel like you've got your learning plates back on. Well.
I mean, the reason why we feel like that is because you're not in the fucking country. Britta and I are always in studio together. We can always touch each other. I can rub my feet on her.
I can see you always put gangrenous toes all over me, and it's disgusting. That's why I had to move to the other side of the world temporarily, Laura, to get away from your rank feet is not the only reason gangrenes toes. Oh no, I fell in love to, but also your feet a bit of me.
Britt is still in Scotland. She's staying over there for a couple more weeks. I think you're coming back on like the ninth of February, isn't it.
Yeah, I've got like two weeks left.
I mean, are we in different hemispheres? I don't even know. Yes we are. Everyone's smiling because I'm an idiot. He should keep that in.
Laura. Are we in different countries? What language do they speak over in Scotland?
Would you believe that I didn't do very well in geography at school? Would you believe that?
Shock? Horror? I no, no, I'm shocked. Do you know what's funny? My family came over to Scotland for Christmas, and Ben's family came and we all met. Was wonderful, is beautiful, But his family is Swiss. My family's obviously all Australian and everyone could understand everyone, except no one could understand my dad. Everyone thought my dad was speaking another language. Not even your own family can understand your dad. So I understand why that he gets really relaxed. He has a drink and he goes full like he's so aussy oka is that what you call it? Like a real because he's not bogan, that's not the word. He's not boging at all, but he's real. Ock us everyone was like, what language are you speaking. Dad's like, what are you talking about? It's English, It's Australian nothing.
No, no, He's like, I'm talking Central Cops, Harbor. That's what this is what McCray, you're always so hurry? Yes, I told you geography not my strong point.
We've been doing this now for four and a half years, five hundred episodes. We see each other every day, speak every day, and you always forget where I'm from.
Yeah, I'm not going to try and defend myself because it's kind of true. This is our very first episode back. We've had four weeks off. If you haven't listened to them. Over the last couple of weeks, we were posting some of our live show conversations, so we had Michael King, we had lerd pull In, we had Flex Marmi Drop. All of that was new content from and recorded at the live shows that we did. These were some of our favorite ones, So if you haven't had a chance to go back and listen to those, please do. But we are back and resuming normal scheduling now.
Well, we did try at the end last year. For a month we decided to try splitting up our episodes a little bit, so that Tuesday was now just to catch up. Wednesday was the interview, Thursday was UK gun cut, and then Sunday was out radio episode, And it was like a month long, two month long trial. See how we felt, see how you felt, and we've decided to keep it.
We love it.
We asked you for your feedback. You love it a lot as well. And I think it's easier to have the interview separated so that if you just feel like an interview one day, you can go to it. If you just feel like having a little laugh and some bands with us, you can go straight there. I'm really vibing the new setup.
The thing that we were experiencing with having the Tuesday episodes being so big and doing like the life and the conversation and the whatever's happening in the world catched up at the start and then going into a topic. What that often meant is that if you guys were sharing an episode with your friends, because maybe we're talking about boundaries, maybe we were talking about cheating, whatever the conversation was in that episode, people had to listen to twenty five minutes first to try and get to that content. And we understand that that's not for everyone. So that was the main reason why we decided to break down these episodes. So Tuesday this is it, this is just us, and we'll unpack something that's happening in the world or something that has spiked interest for us. And it's just going to be Britt and Eye on these episodes, and then we're going to get into it with the Wednesdays being just the interviews. So that way, if there is something that you think you need to share with your friends, you don't have to and they don't have to listen to us kind of babalon for twenty five minutes at the start.
Yeah, and also now on the Thursday, we've decided to keep Thursday pretty much purely asked uncut because you guys seem to really love that episode, and we're going to keep all the babble and the shit talk on the Tuesday and Thursdays. We're gonna add some more questions and make them a bit more juicy bit media. So I'm looking forward to it.
Yeah. All right, well, okay, bit of a catch up in terms of what has been happening over the past four weeks because Britt I well, I mean I spent most of my holiday in bed, but we'll get into that in a second. I feel like I have been kept up to speed with your life via social media, so I do feel like I know everything that has happened. And obviously we've spoken heaves, but as we do most recordings, we try and keep things a secret so that we can talk about it for the first time on the podcast.
But you took that to the extreme. So Laura and I were texting. We follow each other on Socials, but I hadn't logged on for a little while too, Socials whilst I was on holiday. Anyway, long story short, Laura and I are texting and then I think I said to you, like have you been going out much? How is your Christmas? Blah blah blah blah, And you said, oh, no, I'm dying of pneumonia. I've been in hospital. And I'm like what You're like, Oh, I'm almost on the mend. It's two weeks of like my deathbed. And I was like, how have you This is you keeping secrets to the extreme, Like, if you're going to pass away and I'm going to be left solo hosting this podcast, I.
Probably need to be informed produce as is in the winds, and she's like, I'm here, don't worry. If someone dies, I'm ready to go roll me out. She said, I wouldn't do that to you. You would, you absolutely would. I, to be fair, did not.
Keep your funeral, Like, what's your podcast episode? While we bury? Laura would get good hits.
Though if I died, that would be a pretty well downloaded episode.
I reckon if one of us passes away, I give you permission to do an epod sewed at my funeral if you want. Do we do it before or do we do it after?
Probably after, so that we can recap it before I die, before the funeral, the whole thing.
I think a live stream.
I'm glad that we've established that the reason why I didn't tell you guys wasn't not because I was trying to keep content for the podcast. I was so so sick that I didn't get out of bed for about maybe twelve thirteen days. I just I didn't even really wake up. I just kind of stayed in bed. Matt Matt was given in a coma.
I was self induced coma. Matt was incredible.
He did everything, He took the kids, He just managed the house. He got them out of the house so that I didn't have to, like so that I could sleep, But it was just this unrelenting cough. And then it must have been maybe two weeks ago now, on a Sunday. I woke up this one and had been getting progressively worse every day, couldn't stop coughing. Thought I had really bad asthma, and like maybe the flu. And then I woke up this one day and I could not breathe, like I just couldn't get any air in my lungs, I couldn't stop coughing. Then I was feeling all panicky because I couldn't breathe, and I was like, maybe I'm having a panic attack. I ended up the hospital and had chest X ray, dared and all that, lots of stuff, and they gave me some hectic antibiotics. But also so I had this moment like when I say, Matt really stepped up to the plate, Like I think that when you're sick, it's a real indicator as to how good your partner is. Because some partners really step up, they care for you, they do the work. Other partners they start off good and then they trail off real quick. And I think it's an indicator of having a great partner. There was this one moment where I realized. I was like, oh, Matt as a keeper. This man loves me. And let me tell you, it wasn't getting married or having children that made me realize this. You would have thought I would have been there. But one day I was coughing and then I started throwing up, and then I threw up in the bathroom and I threw up in the sink. And if you've ever thrown up in the sink, it's kind of gross because then you've got a fish out all.
The bits, and it like, like, is it the skinny drain? The big hole drain? We have?
Like the tiny drain that's got like the plug over the top of it so only water goes down to protect the plumbing. And here it was a sink full of spaghetti arabiata. And he walked in and he looked at me, and you could see on his face he was like, why the sink. The toilet is right there, And he didn't say anything, and he went and he got a cup and he just patted my back and then he stood there with a cup in a bucket and he fished it out of the sink. And I know this is very graphic, and I'm very sorry if you're someone who is vomit squeamish. But I was on the floor of the bathroom that day and I was like, this man, he loves me.
That is one hundred percent, without doubt love. But I also know that level of illness where you don't even care, like when you're laying on the ground, like, correct me if you've never done this, I have an eye that happened to a friend. When you're laying on the ground and you're just like when you have hectic gashtro when you're that sick, you don't care where it comes out. You're like, I could not careless, Like that's future me problem. I think you're on your own.
I think I would care regardless. Actually, no, I take that back, because like ninety percent of women who have given birth have done a poo in front of their partner, and like, you don't care, you think you will. Every single person who goes into pregnancy and birthing thinks, oh my god, what if I pooh in front of my partner? God, that's embarrassing. And then as it's happening, you're like, whatever, deal with it.
Speaking of I did try and keep up to date well with what was happening in your life, Like I did a few Google searches every now and again. See I there are any pap photos of you at the beach, just seeing like what you and the family were doing. I thought, you're cute. I'll just follow them from the baparazzi.
I'm sorry. If you want to keep up to date with what's happening in my life, you don't have to look at the news, believe it or not.
Well I didn't. I decided, look, the time difference was too hard. I wasn't gonna calling wake you up. It was just like a fleeting moment. I'll give you a Google And the first thing that comes up, which I'm so honored to know, was that you Laura Byrne did a four point five Q shit and told mad about it. That was the headline of the Daily Mail article. And I was like, what the fuck have I missed?
Explain that Keisha's looking shocked as though she hasn't you didn't know this, So Matt and I created a skit video. The skit video was very much satire, but I think some people don't understand what satire is, and that's okay. You know, I don't know geography. Some people don't know satire. The satirical skit was around how when you first get into a relationship and you're dating, you are on absolute best behavior, right, So if you need to go to the toilet, and you're only just in that initial stages of dating, you walk into the bathroom and you put music on, or you put the tap on so that they can't hear any toilet noises. You pad down the toilet like I once dated this guy who lived in a studio apartment, so his toilet was pretty much in the bedroom. There was nowhere to hide, there was nothing. I used to have to ask him to go out in the balcony and I would pad that toilet down. You go to the extreme length so that you don't let them hear your toilet noises, and then when you not for everyone, I appreciate this. There's two types of people. We've established that in the past. But for some of us, you get into a comfy relationship, things change. You let yourself go and no longer do you put music on or put the tap on or whatever. You'll walk out and you'll describe like what a cathartic experience it was. Anyway, that was the skit. It was very funny.
Ha ha ha.
Also got like some crazy like five million views on Instagram, so it did really.
Well, Laura, people movement.
If there's one thing that we can all relate to, everybody shits. So we did this skit very funny. And then I wake up the next day to an article that my mom has sent me because my mom has not seen the skit yet, So my mom sends me an article and it says this. Laura Byrne shocks her fans as she reveals she did the biggest pooh of her entire life and lost four kilos. This entire article now once again, the publisher of this, this journalist who wrote this has done me dirty a few times. Her name's Marta j Marta j No, Marta Jari. She's written a couple of articles and it seems like she misses satire and humor a bit or she doesn't like me.
It could be the second I know he gets it.
Yeah, she's written a few articles that have truly done me dirty over the years. But anyway, this one, it was written as though The skit was completely truth and verbatim, so it outlined me coming out saying like, you know, do you want to come see it? Me talking about poo to mad and the whole article was written as though I had just gotten onto Instagram and done like stories and be like, hey everyone, I did a boo, which clearly didn't happen. But the Internet now thinks that that did happen, and that will live in perpetuity on the Daily Mail for the rest of my life. No, my mum sent it, and she sent this message and she said, Laura, I know that you're okay with sharing things, but something should be kept a secret.
Anyway, you could print that out and put it on the wall right next to the urine shower. You've had some, you had some banger articles. To be fair, I'm.
Pretty sure Marta wrote that one too. To be honest, I think she did. I think she did to you. Hey, what did I do to you?
You haven't done a four kilo shit? Come on with all dumbe no, no, no. I thought it was very funny. And Ben's bathroom, he's only got one, and it's one of those three way bathrooms you know where like the bedroom goes. It's an on suite, but it's not non sweet. It also services the rest of the house, like there's multile ways in. And it was really hard at the start because I was like, you know, new, I don't want to PuO in front of you. I want you here, but you can literally literally lay in bed and hear me. It's gotten a bit better now I will be like, yo, going to do a poop, hold the line, but I still don't far in front of him, right, Like I just refuse to do it. Anyway, last night, I was like I was just feeling unwell, and I was like, like I knew it was not going to be a good one. So I walked out of the bedroom into the kitchen and then my plan was to come back, but I didn't know Ben follow me. So Ben was following me to the kitchen to get a drink. And I walked to the fire end of the kitchen turned around and he was there and.
I was like, what are you doing?
And I could it was a bomb like this is not good. I was like, what are you doing?
Go back to bed.
I can bring you what you want.
He's like, I'm just gonna get a drink of water.
Just hiding him, and he's like, what what's that smell? And I'm like, I don't smell anything, and he's like, yeah, what is that? And I was like, oh, eh, what is that? And then I pretended to find chicken wing thing, like a leftover chickening. I was like, oh my god, it's this leftover chicken wing, and then threw it out. And that's how I covered my fart. I'm still so far from tell him the truth. He'll probably listen to this now and he'll know. So anyway, it's out in the open. I dropped a bomb. Sorry, Ben.
You guys just need to like live more liberally. You need to get to a point of comfort and relaxation with your partner. It's better for the relationship. It brings you closer, It makes you love each other more, you understand each other. I know, Matthew Johnson inside and out. I can say that outside and I know well, while you.
Were in bed dying and writing your will and last testament, I had a very important meaning. So I was meeting Ben's family for the very first time, and my family had obviously flown over from Australia. They were meeting Ben's family for the first time, but it was the first time in person. I actually have unfortunately met Ben's family before. I told this at the live show, so some of you might have heard it, but I die a little inside every time I think about it. Ben and I are on different sides of the world. So every time we FaceTime, which is twice a day minimum, so morning and night for both of us. One about morning one of our night, and it's always when I'm get be ready in the morning, so I will put the iPad up and I'll go and have a shower, will breakfast, have coffee, we'll get ready for work, all of that, just like normal life while the other person's on the iPad. Anyway, one morning, I've stripped off and I'm just about to get into the shower, and the iPad starts reading and it's Ben. Some like perfect timing, like titties are out, they're looking full. It was probably that time of the month. I had great lighting. It wasn't too overhead. It was just like really choice, like for a newdi.
FaceTime, so so descriptive. Thank you.
So I put the iPad down on the bathroom sink and I lean out of the frame to turn the shower on as I've pressed pick up, so it's loading. As I'm out of frame, turning the shower on, and as I lean back into frame, just like really vibing myself, I look at the screen and there's Ben and he's staring back at me. And right next to Ben, he's Ben's mom and Ben's dad and Ben's sister and Ben have decided, without any prior acknowledgment, to do a family FaceTime at my shower time. So I'm standing looking them in the eyes. My titties are looking them in the eyes. They're looking me in the eyes. I panic rolled to the ground and I'm like, this is how I am like burying me right now. I'm completely dead. And I just sat there in silence, and I yelled out from the bottom and they were like, don't worry, Britt, we didn't see anything. And I'm like, oh please, Like, who says that? You only say that unless you saw something? Yeah? Like no, One's like, oh, you don't have anything.
In your teeth.
You know you have something in your teeth, do you know?
The funny? Okay, the part about this that I think is great, the reason why they were in such confined space because it's not normal. No one's ever like huddling around the phone with their entire family being like, let's FaceTime Bread.
They were in a car together.
They were all driving, and so Ben had just like picked up and put up FaceTime and put the phone into the car holder. Yes, and then up Brit Pops and so do the rest of brit The reason they were all in the car together was because they were going to like his grandparents grave.
It was like it was like a grave visit.
Oh my god, I feel bad him and saying that bury me. Now I'm going to hell.
Anyway. No, so do you know what? It was such a wholesome Christmas for us, like a wholesome family meet. So my family were here for two weeks and his family came over for about five days. We all just hung out, got along like a house on fire. It was really nice because you always hope that you like your in laws and that your families get along, and like that's the goal, right, Like there's nothing worse than if somebody doesn't want someone else in the family.
When I was dying in bed, I was like looking at your Instagram, and normally I would look at it and be jealous. Look at this beautiful time you're having. But I was looking at it and living vicariously through the fact that you actually looked like you were enjoying yourself. You did then go to the mold Dives. I'm gonna say it wrong, Maldives. Maldives. No one caress Okay.
No, actually a lot of people care. I found that out. It's it is mold Eves, not Maldives, not mold Dives, mold Eves, Moldie to be sure. Yeah, and I know because I kicked up a big stink on Instagram. No, it was the Maldives. Oh see, I can't fuck it. I'm gonna call it the Maldives because that's how Australians say it. The Maldives for me, were a place that have been on my bucket listens as long as I can remember, and I always wondered if things were photoshopped there or it almost seems too postcard and too good to be true. But hands down it has to be the most spectacular place I've ever seen. It was wildly beautiful. There is nowhere that you could look that was not like a postcard like a picture, like you could just pull your phone out, take a picture and it looks like someone has photoshoped the most magical island. So we had an incredible time, but it was just like the holiday of a lifetime. It's always the place you want to go with someone, like a romantic special friends, like, it's not the sort of place you want to go as a backpacker or with friends. For me, like, I always was like, I'm not going to go to the mal Dives until I'm gone with a lover. Like it was just on my it was on my checklist, it was on my mood board, my internal mood board. I've never had an actual mood board. So I waited all this time until I could go there with a lover. And it was the most romantic place you've ever seen.
Okay, well, there was something that I wanted to talk to you about because I think this is something that's very well one. I mean, obviously you've just experienced it, but it's very relatable because I think this is something that a lot of us do to our friends who have been in long term or seemingly happy relationships. Before you left, we had a bit of a conversation where I said, do you think potentially Ben could propose on this trip and you said, I don't think so, like maybe, who fucking knows, you know. So, there was this one evening you were going to an underwater restaurant. You were dressed in a little white dress, you had your nails perfectly done with white trim. I had this moment where I had excitement for you, like I genuinely felt like, oh my gosh, maybe Ben's going to propose. And I sent you a message at that time which was like ring ring emoji emoji like are you engaged yet?
Question mark?
And I sent it and then I very quickly after sending it, realized and had this moment where I was like, I should not have sent that, And we haven't really discussed this yet. I had a moment where I thought like that was not the right thing to do. And I would love to unpack this a little bit because I know you have some feelings about it, and I think that this is something that so many people have experienced in their long term happy relationships, where well meaning friends way in on when or if an engagement is going to happen, And then like, I'd love to talk about the impact that has on your ability to enjoy yourself.
Yeah, It's an interesting one because I got it so much right left front and center. I was getting it from just the comments from whomever. And the thing is it's not just that are you engaged yet? But it's that when are you going to get engaged? It's at Ben proposed already at Brittany, when is he going to propose? Is if I know that answer? And then the best friends like you, literally, while I'm in the white dress on the date, has he proposed yet? And I'm like, okay, motherfucker. Now I'm on a date in the white dress. He hasn't yet proposed, than he's going to propose? Can I eat my second clam chowder meal that's about to come out? Or should I push it to the side. I don't want to have clam chowder breath If he's about to propose. Oh my god set me into a downward spiral.
Thank you so much for ruining my evening, Laura, is really what you wanted to relate back to me?
No, and it it didn't ruin my evening, but it does. It's an interesting conversation because flat out I want to say to everybody listening right now, don't message your friend and say are you engaged yet or when you're gonna get engaged, just don't do it. The reason I say that is if it is about to happen, you don't want it spoiled, right, You know when someone messaging you that, oh my god, I've got so much anxiety, now is it going to happen? Do they know something that I don't? It adds like this, it's really hard to describe. It adds this weird pressure to not only you like me, but to the relationship as well. Because Ben was reading all those messages and I was reading all those messages, and before we went away, Laura, you had said to me, do you think he's going to propose? And I had said, look, I don't think so. I don't think this is the time I'm going to say no. But we are going to be together for a while in some pretty romantic places, so I guess anything is possible. So I had had, like the whole time, I'd always had this one little that white dress. I was like, this will be my backup engagement if I feel like it's going to happen. Like I don't think it's going to happen, but it doesn't hurt to be prepared fail to prepare is preparing to fail.
I love that. Put that on your twenty twenty four quote calendar. Everybody, that's what that is. Put that on your mood board.
One hundred percent. And then what it does was because it wasn't just me and it was public and Ben was seeing it. And I'm lucky that Ben and I are very open with our communication. One thing we're very good at is being really honest. And you know, I was getting flooded with the questions and we had a really honest conversation about it. He had said, look, I've seen all the comments and I've seen your DMS, and I said, yeah, like I just brushed off as a joke. I was like, yeah, like so many people ask you if I'm going to get engaged, isn't that crazy?
I'm fine, everything's fine.
I'm like so silly, but everyone's saying it. And then he was just like, well do you feel like that? Like did you think that? And as soon as he said that, I was like, oh, it's definitely not happening because you wouldn't be bringing up the conversation and I was really honest and I said, look, no, but we're in the mal dives and it's the most romantic relation like trip we've ever been on, and we're having a blast, so like it wouldn't have shocked me if you didn't, but it wasn't expected. And we just had this conversation that he felt really bad. He felt like a lot of pressure put on him from everybody else, that maybe I had read these comments and dams and gotten my hopes up, and then he wasn't going to do it. He wasn't planning on doing it, So then every day he felt like he was letting me down. It was a really weird feeling, and I tried to communicate that. I tried to say, look, you're not letting me down, Like we can't let other people's opinions pressure us into something, and also I don't want to let these other questions put a dampener on our holiday. But truth be told, you can't help but feel this added level of pressure. And it just makes me think about like we've only been together fourteen months, makes me think about my friends that have been to together, Like I have friends that were together seven years, and constantly everyone is asking her when he's going to propose. Why don't you guys just get married, and it's really the bane of her existence, right because she's like, I really want him to propose. I'm beside myself waiting, and it just gave her so much anxiety every time somebody said, why don't you just get married, as if like you know, she can just pull a rabbit out of a hat. And it made me think back to all these people in these like really long term relationships. It's not a it's not a positive thing to do to a friend, like you're you mean to be really good, willing, but it's not.
Well I think, and that was my thought about this. It's almost like this conversation is like the precursor to the when are you having kids? Conversation? And we've spoken about this loads in the past. We all know now that that is not an okay thing to speak about or to talk to, you know, unless someone brings it up. Specifically, you don't ask someone when they're having children. I don't think that when are you're getting engaged is as bad because obviously there's many reasons why people can't and don't want to have children. But I do think this conversation around engagement, when you ask the question, all it does especially when your friends had gone away on a beautiful holiday. All it's going to do is either add pressure, it's going to change their ability to enjoy it. It's going to have them on the lookout. And I even say this from my own experience, because when Matt proposed, I was seven and a half months pregnant and we'd gone to Fiji on a holiday, like if there was ever going to be a time, it was probably then, and everybody had said the same to me, And I think I woke up every day on that holiday thinking is this the day?
You know?
And I guess I had definitely had expectations and had hopes. Had I left that holiday and Matt hadn't proposed, I would have felt really disappointed. And I guess that was what I reflected on when I asked you the question, brit because I realized that I was adding to the exact same thing that I felt when I was in that situation totally.
One thing that was funny that I will say is that there was this one night, We're having this really romantic dinner, like it could have been the place of a proposal, right. It was just the two of us on a private beach with private chefs. It's like this it extra that you buy when I say private beach, like the resorts have sections, you know that a private but candles everywhere, like candles coming out of the It was insanely romantic. Right on the water. The water was lapping up and it was seafood and there was wine. It was beautiful. And these people walked past us on the wharf and they started going whoa and clapping because Ben and I had started to cry and were hugging link and hugged each other. So from the outside you'd look at us like a few tears running down our face, hugging romantic. So they thought we got engaged, but we were talking about our dead grandparents. And it was so funny, like the moment couldn't have been any different or any funny because they thought we were getting engaged because they thought they were happy tears, but we were talking about our dead grandparents.
The moral of the story is you never know. BRIT's something I I wanted to talk to you about that has happened. I mean, in the past couple of weeks plus we've been away. We all know the Golden Globes has had so much airtime Over the past few weeks, I feel like every time I open up Instagram, it's Golden Globes Chat.
Does anyone actually still watching this year?
People only watch it on recap through social media, and then they read the articles and then we look at like all the cool dresses.
Yes, in worst dress, just like those stupid lists that you see pop up everywhere.
My heart, He's not Golden Globes.
Do you know what I say this?
I would love to know if anyone actually sat down with a cup of tea and watched the whole thing, Like, I would love to know if those people still exist. But maybe they do. They must exist. But anyway, I don't want to talk about the Golden Globes. I want to talk about the sequel to the Golden Globes, the thing that not enough people are talking about, and that is the Critics' Choice Awards. Now. The reason for this is because if you've seen this, so, Chelsea Handler was the presenter. She was the main.
Host for the Critics Choice Awards.
And what you might not know is that Chelsea Handler is actually the X of Joe Coy.
Now, Joe Koy is the guy who was hosting the Golden Globes, the one who flopped so sensationally, who made terrible jokes about Barbie, about Oppenheimer from the minute he stepped on stage to eleven minutes when his terrible monologue finished. It was a flop, and Chelsea Handler did the exact opposite and also kind of threw her Rex under the bus at the same time. It hard to watch, wasn't it? Wait?
Which one? Joe?
I feel awkward thinking about it, like thinking about the silence and the flop, and how offensive he was on the stage and how much he would have wanted to crawl into a hole. Like when I think back, I feel gross.
So I mean to give you guys a little bit of recap if you haven't and you aren't across his speech from the Golden Globes, Basically it started off and it was very gender stereotyped. He really took aim at Barbie, and this was one of the things he said.
Oppenheimer and Barbie are competing for cinematic box office achievement. Oppenheimer is based on a seven hundred and twenty one page pull it to winning book about the Manhattan Project, and Barbie is on a plastic doll with big boobies.
Any grown man using the word boobies is an instant IgG. But also what's an even bigger ick is the fact that Barbie was such an incredible, as we all know, a huge blockbuster. It revolutionized the movie industry last year, and it also elevated beyond the movie. It was like a social experiment. People were having Barbie parties. Mattel sales absolutely boomed. It completely reinvented this empowerment of women around a doll that, once upon a time was the stereotype of women. And I think that his speech so undervalued that, and it was so disregarding of everything that was achieved last year. The thing that I wanted to talk about with the Critics' Choice Award, and the reason why I think it should be getting more airtime is because of all the things that Chelsea Handler did that were in the complete opposite to the way that Joe handled his speech. Now, from the moment that she stepped on Stay, she spoke about the incredible successes of women throughout twenty twenty three within the industry. She spoke about Greta Gowig being one of the most successful directors of all time, and also around the achievements of people like Oprah of Taylor Swift, twenty twenty three was the year of women, is how she framed it.
Now.
The thing that really also stood out in this is you guys might remember there was this one part where when Joe was on stage, he was absolutely flailing with his jokes. They weren't landing, and instead of being self deprecating when you're a comedian, I feel like that that's the way to best handle a situation where maybe jokes aren't landing well. Instead of him doing that, he threw his writers under the bus.
Some I wrote. Some other people wrote, yo, I got the gig ten days ago. You want a perfect monologue? Yo, shut up, you got You're kidding me right, slow down? I wrote somebodys and they're the ones you're laughing at.
Chelsea, on the other hand, when her jokes woreding and she was getting such a laugh from her audience, instead of throwing her writers under a bus, what she did was she thanked her writers, thank you for.
Laughing at that. My writers wrote it. Now.
I think the reason why this is so pointed, and I truly loved it so much, and there's been a lot of chatter about this on TikTok at the moment too, is simply because the fact that they once upon a time dated, so Joe and Chelsea they dated for only one year, but prior to that they were friends for twenty years. It does make you question, like is it okay to throw your X under the bus and to use them in a way that makes them the butt of the joke when you have seen that they have failed so monumentally at something within a public space.
I mean, there's no more of a public space and I'll like a throw down for your ex than if you're hosting the Critics Choice and a week before they flopped to the Golden Globes, Like, it doesn't get bigger and better and more of a slam down than that. I think the difference is Joe, whether it was hum or, his writers, he was just punching down and a lot at really low hanging fruit. And I feel like Chelsea still took her swings at people, but I think she did it quite cleverly. Like one thing I love that she said was this is the year of women. Barbie at the box office, Taylor Swift and Beyonce with their tours Gwyneth Paltrow and her Ski trial, and I just thought that was so fun I thought that was so funny because Gwyneth Poulter had a real moment at her Ski trial. But I don't think she'd be offended by that by what Chelsea said. I think it was clever, funny, and a bit more top line. But there were some people on TikTok, and it does make you question. There are people on TikTok saying what happens if a man was saying some of the things that Chelsea was saying. And I say that because she was talking about how good looking the older men in the room were. She was talking about Harris and Ford and how much of a smoke show he was. She was talking about wanting to roll men around like little meat balls because they were delicious. Like it's funny. You sit there and you laugh, and it's not until you think about, okay, what if a man did say that, well, Ivans that land still as funny? Is it okay? Because it's in the context of throwing all this stuff back in another man's face from his speech a week ago, Like there are so many moving parts to this.
Just for some context, if you haven't listened to the speech, We'll link it in the show notes so that you can listen to the whole thing. But there was one part where she made a joke about Leonardo and his tendency to date very young women. And what she said was, and this is where most comedians would make a joke about Leonardo's dating preferences. But I'm not going to do that because I have the same affliction as Leo does, but in the opposite direction. I prefer my men old and hot men who have been around since the railways were invented, speaking of which Robert de Niro and Harrison Ford are here in the room. And then she went to town on Robert de Niro and Harrison Ford about how hot they are for very very old men. And look, the question has been asked, what if a man was to say the things and objectify in the way that Chelsea Hander has objectifying Robert de Niro and Harrison Ford. And to that, I say, boohoo. I do not feel that sorry for incredibly successful middle aged white men. Are they middle aged? Are they beyond middle aged? I think that they're like in their sixties now, who knows, I think, But I don't feel sorry for them. And the reason why is because everyone's like, imagine if a man sees these things, we don't need to imagine. That's why she's flipping the script, because these things have been said in many ways about women for so many years.
But then does that make it right? Two runs don't make a right. I don't care if we are fighting for people not to say this. Do you think the right thing is to be saying this? And I'm just you know, I think it was funny. I laughed at the whole thing. But when someone pointed out that if a man did say that, I was like, do you know what. Imagine if a man was up there and said, oh, I would love to throw Margo Robbie around like a meatball. She's so hot, it would be up enough.
I guess the reason why I disagree with it so deeply, and I know that there will be people who feel the same, who go, oh, well, a woman shouldn't be making sexist jokes in the same way that a man can't. The reason why I don't care as much is because it comes down to this idea of punching up or punching down in a joke and We've spoken about this loads in the podcast in the past, but someone like Chelsea Handler making a joke at Harrison Ford or Robert de Niro's expense is not her punching down on them. She is still punching up because I think arguably they are very very I mean not even ugly. It's a fact they are very successful, well established men within an industry that has always favored men and women are still working for the same equality. That exact sentiment was reflected in Chelsea Handler's speech where she talked about Greta Gerwig.
With Barby, Greta became the highest grossing female director of all.
Time, pulling in over one point.
Four billion dollars at the box office. So while David Zaslov was wearing a zip up vest and sailing off to Sanchope, one very talented.
Woman swooped in with a movie about.
Female empowerment and saved the entire movie industry, which can only mean one thing. Hollywood executives are currently debating whether Greta's worth taking a second chance on.
I think that was very funny from Chelsea Handler, and it was pans down my favorite line of for not.
Yeah, and I guess that it comes back to this idea that it's flipping the script. It was a moment of really celebrating what women have achieved, but it was flipping the script and the narrative on men within the room as well, and I think it was done in a very tongue in cheek way. I don't think that anyone has fallen victim to Chelsea Handles's speech, and I know that it has caused a little bit of debate around what isn't isn't acceptable, But there's been many conversations around women attending awards ceremonies and only being asked about what they're wearing or who they're wearing, instead of being asked about anything to do with their accolades from the actual shows in which they've been a part of. And this just I think really unpacks the issues of the industry, and she's making fun of that throughout her entire speech.
I mean, it does come back to the question you asked at the beginning, Laura, if you had the opportunity to take such a public swipe at your ex, would you take it? Because I mean, we have those opportunities and I don't feel like we've ever taken a public swipe.
Are you living in fantasy land? I think all I reckon this whole entire podcast was a swipe at our exes to start with. I mean, we did, we grew as people, and we evolved. I'm pretty sure Episode three was so I dated a sociopath.
Yeah, but no one knows who he is, what job he did, or anything. That's not a public swipe. Chelsea Handler, the whole world was fortune like it doesn't.
Care more fol That is true. That is true. I do feel like I've taken quite a few public swipes of my ex. But you know what, I don't feel bad because I do sometimes feel like he deserved it. But I have grown as a person. We've been doing this podcast for a very long time now, and I'm much more sort of sensitive.
In how I go about it.
But look, I think when it comes to that sort of industry, when you work in entertainment, when you work in comedy especially, you have to be as good at taking it as what you are giving it. So if you are going to host the Golden Globes on such a public scale and your ex is gonna host the Critics' Choice a week later, if you flop, I don't think that you were off the table for fair game. I think that it's almost like it is such good comedy material, it is such comedy gold that of course she's going to go there, and of course she's going to take the opportunity. And the thing that I keep coming back to about Chelsea Handler and the reason why I enjoyed the speech so much, was because of the ways in which she created the comedy. She didn't punch down on anyone. Even the times where she yes made people feel uncomfortable, it was still like, I mean, look at this guy, he's a hottie. And she was still punching down on herself because she was talking about how she finds an old man really attractive. Not a nice thing to say to the old man in the room, but she still was at the butt of that joke at the same time. And I guess I would be so interested to know how everybody else feels about it, and whether sexist jokes in the flip like in the reverse, when her female is being sexist about a male, whether it is less bad, whether it is a little bit more okay than when it happens in the stereotype, which is men being sexist towards women because that is how I feel, and sometimes I struggle to articulate the reason why. And I know that there shouldn't be two different sets of standards, but I do think it comes down to this punching up punching down. I also think it comes down to the very real victimization like women have been victims of as we know, sexual violence, sexual assault, physical assault, women at the hands of male violence is a very very real issue, and so any type of sexist joke kind of leans in and perpetuates that, whereas men are not the victim of women, and so when women make jokes, it sits within the world of being a joke because it's not real, because it doesn't happen on a day to day. So I guess that's why I feel differently about the two. But I'd love to know how everyone else feels, So feel free to jump on socials because I know that this will probably stir up some mixed feelings for some people.
Well, from the dawn of time, from the very first episode of Life Uncut, we have done accidently unfiltered our most embarrassing stories, your most embarrassing stories because we low key get off on it, but we do want to ask you if you're new to the podcast and you have had one of those moments where you're like, I want to die right now, crawl into a hole, being buried, whatever it is, that moment where you feel like you want to be anywhere other than the place you are, We want to hear about it. So please write in your accidently unfiltered to Life on Cut podcast Instagram, or you could email us hello at Life Uncut Podcasts. Either way, we want to hear your stories and I have a killer one for you today.
I wanted to be at the point where as embarrassing shit is happening to you, you're not even thinking about the fact that you're embarrassed. The first thing you're thinking is I need to send this to Laura and Britt. I want real time embarrassing shit people like I've locked myself in the bathroom right now. This is happening every we speak like they're live streaming it to us, which is what I'm here for. This is what I want. This is the point and the relationship that we have with you guys that we want.
Yeah, when you are having sex and quefin, we want you to be thinking about us. That's the moment. Okay. I was lying in my bed, my butt hanging out because I had been wearing a dress, so it had sort of flipped up my back, you know, were you're just kicking your legs, enjoying your day. My partner walks past and goes, oh, you have some fluff. Hang on a minute, I'll get it leans down and proceeds to yank my tampon string out of my undies. How do we live in a day and age where a man sees a string coming out of a pair of unies and thinks it is a bit of fluff. Now it's twenty three people.
I've told this story many years ago, and I think you've forgotten it. When we very very first started this podcast, when I was seventeen. My first boyfriend, he was so lovely, he was so nice, genuinely. I think I peaked with niceness in my relationships at seventeen. Then I went rapidly downhill. And then I got Matt and he was nice again. But he was nice, but he was so unaware about the female body, and that was because he'd never been exposed to one prior to me. And there was this one day we were at the beach. I was wearing a black bikini. Black bikini didn't have white stitching. There was nothing white on the bikini at all. But I got out of the water after going for a swim, and he was sitting down and I was standing up with there with a group of friends, and I walked up to him, and I had my tower wrapped around my shoulders and my bikini bottoms and my legs were like hanging out the bottom of this little tower. And he goes, oh, baby, you've got a string, reaches between my legs and yanks it and pulls out my tampon, but into my swimmers. So it didn't come out, thank God, because I think I would have had to have died. We would have been doing the podcast from the cemetery. But honestly, it was just floating in my swimmers. And he knew what he had done, and I knew what he had done, and we resist and oh yeah, he felt that tug. He felt that book, but also been in water for a long time, so it was quite quite buoyant. Slipped out a bit easier than it should have.
Anyway.
I just remember having intense eye contact with him because I didn't want to make a deal, and I was like in my eyes, I was.
Like, what the fuck have you done?
And then I I went to the bathroom, fixed myself up, came back, and we pretended like it never happened. We never spoke about it, because that's what you do when you're seventeen. You ignore anything that's uncomfortable forever.
I would have had to break up at seventeen, Like that's that relationship be at that age?
I reckon, Yeah, anyway, fucking humiliating, you know.
I reckon. Well, I reckon. That happens all the time. I reckon. There are so many people listening to this podcast right now that have had someone try and pull a thread out of their vagina.
I would like to say, I think that this is an uncommon and uncommon circumstance. If you, guys, do have an accial unfiltered, if you do have an embarrassing story, if something wild has happened to you in your life, slide on into the DMS. Put accidentally unfiltered at the top, and maybe we will read it out next week. But we are coming to the end of the episode, and before we do, we wanted to tell you what is happening on tomorrow's ep So, like we said, Wednesday is going to be our interview Epps moving forward, and we have such a freaking awesome guess on tomorrow's episode. It's someone who we've interviewed in the past and at the time it was one of our most downloaded episodes over the year. So Mark Manson. He is the author of the subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck. It has been maybe three years since we last spoke to him, and on this week's episode, he is making a comeback and we are unpacking all the things that are life related, relationship related, cheating related. We cover so much in this episode. But the thing I love the most about Mark is I would describe him as a bit of a modern day philosopher. He is the self help guru for people who absolutely hate self help, and the way in which he speaks, the way in which he gives life advice, it's very relatable and it's not condescending, and I think it's in a way that really takes into account the fact that we all have our own junk and we all show up to the world and to life very differently.
Yeah, but I think he also calls a spade of spade, and I like the fact that Mark doesn't just say things that are expected. I just find it so refreshing. I find him so insightful. And I absolutely love this chat. I love this chat more than your original chat. So that is dropping in your ears tomorrow. All right, let's get into secon now. We never finished a Tuesday episode without our sucking us week, our highlight and our low light of the week that's passed. It's been four and a half weeks since we've seen you guys, or heard you guys, or been inside your ears. So I feel like there's been lots that's been happening. For me, not so much, because my suck is that I spend all day every day in bed. Actually, I would say my biggest suck would have been I've actually do you know what.
I've got two because it happens simultaneously. It's the sickness, which you guys already know, but it's also, oh my god, it is stiff wish that would suck.
This sucks.
But my other suck for the week is now, if you guys listened pre break, you might remember that I took Lola off the dummy the whole plan was, and I remember saying, I am going to break her like a BRUMBI that were my words. So I took her off the dummy. The plan was, she was gonna come off the dummy. We're going to like go through that period. We're going to move her into her sister's room, and then Marley and Lala were going to share a bedroom. And that was my grand plan because I have these I have these beautiful ideas that my two daughters are gonna wake up in the morning and play with each other and love each other and love sharing a room. Anyway, so we took her off the dummy. That was a bit hairy for a while, but we kind of things kind of panned out okay, and we thought that we were at a point where we could move her into the same room. So we did it. The first week, it was fine. The last two weeks, however, shits really hit the fan. So they are in the same room now, but they're also in the same bed.
Are the size of like a football.
They are, but they kick each other. They're kicking football, so they wake each other up all through the night.
Put one in the kennel.
So my suck is is that I thought I was gonna break my child like a Brumbie, but she broke me. And that's how it always works with parenting.
And so now they're just sleep in your bed and the absolutely give it up.
Yeah, okay, am I sweet for the week. Firstly, my biggest sweet is that we are back. I have enjoyed having time off, but I have missed you guys.
I have missed the pod.
I have missed you brit even though I'm only seeing you through a screen. I can't fucking wait for you to get back here. I'm so happy that we're back and that we're back to normal programming. And let's see what twenty twenty four has in store. Well, wow, that was like a speech you've signed off on, Martin Luther King.
Let's see what twenty four because let me tell you, it is Mark like the King.
This is not the year of health. That's what I've established. Twenty twenty four is not the year of health.
Low start. It is the year of health, because I mean, we're gonna talk about this on another episode, but I have dedicated this year to the year of health. Let's talk about it maybe on Thursday. My suck would be I guess this is the stuff right when people post only the highlights on their social media. My migraines have been next level. They've never been so bad in my life, and you know in the Maldives that are actually really bad. And there was one night one night, I was up the whole night vomiting my feet in the hot bath. I was trying to do everything. I'd taken painkillers and Ben stayed up the whole night with me, keeping my hair out of the toilet and like rubbing my neck while I was in the bath, and he was really great. But my migraines have been out of controlling. And maybe it's hormonal with like aging or post all my egg freezing. I don't know, but my suck has been my migraine and I'm going to get that sorted as soon as they get back to Australia. My sweet probably the same, Laura, like, I'm just frothing being back with you guys. I think that this has been our life for so long, three times a week for four years, that when you go on holiday and you have a little break, you miss your routine and you miss every day and you miss speaking to each other, like miss seeing you Laura and Keisha, and I miss talking to you guys, so it's really nice to be back and seeing you and having a laugh again. And I feel like I haven't seen friends in a long time because I've been over here just with Ben and the neighbors, like the psychic neighbors next door I like in Eugene. They're my only friends here. Obviously Sheridan's in Edinburgh, an hour away, but it's nice to have that connection again, even though it's through the screen. So I'm just pumped me back. And also I'm excited to see what twenty twenty four bricks the Year of health.
Anyway, guys, that is it from us. If you loved the episode, please go on subscribe. If you haven't subscribed to Life on Cut but you listen every week, or you want to know one a new episodes coming out wherever you're listening, whether it's Spotify, whether it is Apple Podcasts, whether it's one of those rogue, random little ones that people listen to. Just go and hit the plus sign in the corner When I say subscribe. It doesn't cost any money, but what it does mean is that the podcast will go into your feed every single episode that drops, and it also means it helps us grow. So if you love the content and you want to hear more of it, please please subscribe, Share it with a friend and you know who the.
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