This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut.

This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut.

I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and we have such a special episode for you today.

I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and we have such a special episode for you today.

It feels like sitting down with an old friend, one of our own alumni.

It feels like sitting down with an old friend, one of our own alumni.

Yeah, it is within the Bachelor Illuminati.

Yeah, it is within the Bachelor Illuminati.

We did a call out quite a while ago and said, like, who do you guys want on the podcast and one of the most requested names that came in.

We did a call out quite a while ago and said, like, who do you guys want on the podcast and one of the most requested names that came in.

Was not Holly, but we had it.

Was not Holly, but we had it.

We couldn't get.

We couldn't get.

Us in Bachelor's very own Holly Kingston.

Us in Bachelor's very own Holly Kingston.

And I mean we've talked about Holly and Jimmy, who's also sitting in the room hiding in the corner with their baby Lenny at the moment, but we've spoken about Holly so much over the years on the pod. We did Batchel on Cut and we literally updated you all in real.

And I mean we've talked about Holly and Jimmy, who's also sitting in the room hiding in the corner with their baby Lenny at the moment, but we've spoken about Holly so much over the years on the pod. We did Batchel on Cut and we literally updated you all in real.

Time on them falling in love.

Time on them falling in love.

And now we get to update you all on a very different phase of life that Holly and Jimmy have found themselves in, and that is being brand spanking new parents.

And now we get to update you all on a very different phase of life that Holly and Jimmy have found themselves in, and that is being brand spanking new parents.

Holly, Welcome to the pod.

Holly, Welcome to the pod.

Thank you. I do feel like a little bit of pressure and I feel like it's really I think you've stitched me up a bit because I feel like I've been on a bender for about two months. I'm not the best version of myself, a baby bender. I wasn't drunk for two months, just so everyone's.

Thank you. I do feel like a little bit of pressure and I feel like it's really I think you've stitched me up a bit because I feel like I've been on a bender for about two months. I'm not the best version of myself, a baby bender. I wasn't drunk for two months, just so everyone's.

I imagine, could you imagine that's the headline? Holy on baby bender?

I imagine, could you imagine that's the headline? Holy on baby bender?

To be fair, though, like it is a wild bit of gear those first couple of months after having a baby.

To be fair, though, like it is a wild bit of gear those first couple of months after having a baby.

It is. But I think we were talking about it just before we, you know, started recording. But it's a fine line, isn't it, Because people really do. I do feel like I went in thinking it was going to be all doom and gloom, and it has been so much fun. It actually has. I've been a bit tired, but it's been so much fun.

It is. But I think we were talking about it just before we, you know, started recording. But it's a fine line, isn't it, Because people really do. I do feel like I went in thinking it was going to be all doom and gloom, and it has been so much fun. It actually has. I've been a bit tired, but it's been so much fun.

It's so nice to hear because Laura and I have spoken about this like multiple times, never in detail, but always in passing comments on the podcast in private, but all you hear the narrative about childbirth and the first year of motherhood, not even the first year. But it's just how taxing it is, how exhausting it is, how you never sleep again, how your social life changes, your relationship changes, everybody highlights the bad stuff, so it's really I'm trying to ignore Letty if anyone can hear his like moaning, we haven't left him on his own, Jimmy don't have him, But it's really nice to hear straight off the bat as well, you say like it's been great and not as bad as everyone made it out sound.

It's so nice to hear because Laura and I have spoken about this like multiple times, never in detail, but always in passing comments on the podcast in private, but all you hear the narrative about childbirth and the first year of motherhood, not even the first year. But it's just how taxing it is, how exhausting it is, how you never sleep again, how your social life changes, your relationship changes, everybody highlights the bad stuff, so it's really I'm trying to ignore Letty if anyone can hear his like moaning, we haven't left him on his own, Jimmy don't have him, But it's really nice to hear straight off the bat as well, you say like it's been great and not as bad as everyone made it out sound.

Yeah, I mean it's quite ironic timing as well as my child screaming in the background, But no, it has been It's been so much fun. And I feel like I actually run into Laura at an event when I was heavily pregnant, and I thought about what you said to me so much, which was no one tells you about how fun it is, and that's something that I was underprepared for. I was very prepared for having no sleep and how much it's going to change your relationship with your husband and all of these things, and you don't get prepared for how fun it is.

Yeah, I mean it's quite ironic timing as well as my child screaming in the background, But no, it has been It's been so much fun. And I feel like I actually run into Laura at an event when I was heavily pregnant, and I thought about what you said to me so much, which was no one tells you about how fun it is, and that's something that I was underprepared for. I was very prepared for having no sleep and how much it's going to change your relationship with your husband and all of these things, and you don't get prepared for how fun it is.

Yeah, it's an interesting one because I remember when I had Mali and I was so ready for my life life to be ruined because I've been told so many times that it would never be the same. And don't get me wrong, like, yeah, of course, it changes your relationship, and you know, there's one hurdle after another. It's a forever changing beast being a parent. But I think that it was important for the conversations of women who have found becoming mothers really hard to have its time in the spotlight. I think it's so important for us to have those conversations so that when motherhood does feel really hard, you're not sitting in a silo going am I the only one suffering? But I do think that that pendulum swung so far into one direction that for people who have actually had great experiences, or maybe even if you've had a traumatic birth experience but you don't feel ongoing trauma from it, it's as though we walk into motherhood with a lot of fear now that it's going to just absolutely fucking destroy your life. You're not going to have a career, and you're not going to have any sort of sense of social life, and your relationship is going to go down the drain. And not all of those things happen all at once for every single person. I think is important to show that side as well. Yeah, I think every day is so different. Obviously, you're going to have your shit days, and you do.

Yeah, it's an interesting one because I remember when I had Mali and I was so ready for my life life to be ruined because I've been told so many times that it would never be the same. And don't get me wrong, like, yeah, of course, it changes your relationship, and you know, there's one hurdle after another. It's a forever changing beast being a parent. But I think that it was important for the conversations of women who have found becoming mothers really hard to have its time in the spotlight. I think it's so important for us to have those conversations so that when motherhood does feel really hard, you're not sitting in a silo going am I the only one suffering? But I do think that that pendulum swung so far into one direction that for people who have actually had great experiences, or maybe even if you've had a traumatic birth experience but you don't feel ongoing trauma from it, it's as though we walk into motherhood with a lot of fear now that it's going to just absolutely fucking destroy your life. You're not going to have a career, and you're not going to have any sort of sense of social life, and your relationship is going to go down the drain. And not all of those things happen all at once for every single person. I think is important to show that side as well. Yeah, I think every day is so different. Obviously, you're going to have your shit days, and you do.

But I've actually really thoroughly enjoyed motherhood. There are certain things. The hardest thing for me was the hormones. No, like, I feel like that's under talked about. I think that's something. Those first few weeks, it was genuinely like there was just black. I was just Jimmy would be trying to talk to me, and I'd be looking out the window and just like, what have I done? And that is you don't really want to talk about that because it sounds like you're ungrateful for this journey. But one day that all just kind of lifted, and that was a really tough part. The other tough part is that you kind of feel like you've lost your old identity a little bit. You're now someone's mum and your body's changed. Everything you know, so much has changed. And we didn't help that because we moved house within like two weeks of me giving birth, So I'm in this whole new place. I'm you know, an hour away from where we used to be, and I'm you know, I don't lactating over Yeah, I'm lactating all over myself. But yeah, there was definitely I think now we're really in the fun stage. I feel like you start to kind of think, Okay, I kind of know what I'm doing now kind of and things are getting a lot more funny, starting to smile at us and all of those things. It's starting to feel more rewarding at the first, you know, those first few weeks, you genuinely just for me, I just felt like a vessel. I felt like I had utters and that was you know.

But I've actually really thoroughly enjoyed motherhood. There are certain things. The hardest thing for me was the hormones. No, like, I feel like that's under talked about. I think that's something. Those first few weeks, it was genuinely like there was just black. I was just Jimmy would be trying to talk to me, and I'd be looking out the window and just like, what have I done? And that is you don't really want to talk about that because it sounds like you're ungrateful for this journey. But one day that all just kind of lifted, and that was a really tough part. The other tough part is that you kind of feel like you've lost your old identity a little bit. You're now someone's mum and your body's changed. Everything you know, so much has changed. And we didn't help that because we moved house within like two weeks of me giving birth, So I'm in this whole new place. I'm you know, an hour away from where we used to be, and I'm you know, I don't lactating over Yeah, I'm lactating all over myself. But yeah, there was definitely I think now we're really in the fun stage. I feel like you start to kind of think, Okay, I kind of know what I'm doing now kind of and things are getting a lot more funny, starting to smile at us and all of those things. It's starting to feel more rewarding at the first, you know, those first few weeks, you genuinely just for me, I just felt like a vessel. I felt like I had utters and that was you know.

Well, I think that's essentially it, right, Like they're just in the nicest way possible, they're little blobs. They're just pooh and need to eat, and that's all they do, and that's all you have to do all day. And I think it's really important what you just said, And I definitely want to get into that a little bit later about that idea of the cloud that people feel or the weight that people feel on them in those first few weeks, Like what have I done? That it's not necessarily a true reflection of how you feel. It's because we don't talk enough about the hormone change. But before we do get into that, we do want to kick start with your accidentally unfiltered, your most embarrassing story.

Well, I think that's essentially it, right, Like they're just in the nicest way possible, they're little blobs. They're just pooh and need to eat, and that's all they do, and that's all you have to do all day. And I think it's really important what you just said, And I definitely want to get into that a little bit later about that idea of the cloud that people feel or the weight that people feel on them in those first few weeks, Like what have I done? That it's not necessarily a true reflection of how you feel. It's because we don't talk enough about the hormone change. But before we do get into that, we do want to kick start with your accidentally unfiltered, your most embarrassing story.

I actually, do you know what you know when someone asks you about your most embarrassing moment, you just can't think about it because there's just been I mean it's not like I haven't had many, but I just can't think about it on the spot.

I actually, do you know what you know when someone asks you about your most embarrassing moment, you just can't think about it because there's just been I mean it's not like I haven't had many, but I just can't think about it on the spot.

Or it depends on the type of person, because some people don't embarrass easily, and you're like, I know that this would be embarrassing for someone, but like, this is just a normal day in the life Paull in Kingston.

Or it depends on the type of person, because some people don't embarrass easily, and you're like, I know that this would be embarrassing for someone, but like, this is just a normal day in the life Paull in Kingston.

Here we are. Yeah, basically, no. I think most recently, I'm just really coming to terms with the laxating situation. I'm still kind of coming to terms with the fact that these are really their milk in, you know, And I mean only probably this is the most recent thing I can think of. The most embarrassing thing that's happened is I was at chemists warehouse just getting some nappys. I think I was getting Jimmy some protein or something.

Here we are. Yeah, basically, no. I think most recently, I'm just really coming to terms with the laxating situation. I'm still kind of coming to terms with the fact that these are really their milk in, you know, And I mean only probably this is the most recent thing I can think of. The most embarrassing thing that's happened is I was at chemists warehouse just getting some nappys. I think I was getting Jimmy some protein or something.

Checks out Frien, Yeah exactly.

Checks out Frien, Yeah exactly.

Well, yeah, yeah, I'm glad one of us is going the gym. You look after yourself done, And I was. I was at the Chemist's warehouse counter and there was just this like it was just a teenage boy serving me and Hagus was looking at me, like I was looking at the boobs. I've never had boobs in my life, so this is also a really exciting time for me in that sense. I mean, without a bra on, they don't they don't look like you know, they're not great. But with the bra the bra, let me tell you, it does wonders no. And he was serving me and I actually texted Jimmy at the time and I was like, I think I've kind of got my mojo back a little bit because he was looking down at my boobs and I was like, oh, I've got boobs for the first time in my life, fully checking you. Yeah, And I just was like, I'm killing it today. And it wasn't until about, I don't know, ten minutes later that I looked down and I just had milk dripping, dripping from the nips. So that's my new life. And that's I mean, it's just every day, really, isn't it.

Well, yeah, yeah, I'm glad one of us is going the gym. You look after yourself done, And I was. I was at the Chemist's warehouse counter and there was just this like it was just a teenage boy serving me and Hagus was looking at me, like I was looking at the boobs. I've never had boobs in my life, so this is also a really exciting time for me in that sense. I mean, without a bra on, they don't they don't look like you know, they're not great. But with the bra the bra, let me tell you, it does wonders no. And he was serving me and I actually texted Jimmy at the time and I was like, I think I've kind of got my mojo back a little bit because he was looking down at my boobs and I was like, oh, I've got boobs for the first time in my life, fully checking you. Yeah, And I just was like, I'm killing it today. And it wasn't until about, I don't know, ten minutes later that I looked down and I just had milk dripping, dripping from the nips. So that's my new life. And that's I mean, it's just every day, really, isn't it.

Every day?

Every day?

Literally milk, You've got it all.

Literally milk, You've got it all.

So he was checking you out, but just not for the right and you thought.

So he was checking you out, but just not for the right and you thought.

Shame because you could have picked up some breastpads in there at the same time. I could have made it all around the shop. I was just telling you about this before. But I had a situation where I was in mid serving a customer at Tony May and we just had a new aircorn instored right above where I was standing, and I felt wet, like a drip on me. And I look at the customer and I go, oh, I'm so sorry the air con is leaking. And I looked up at the air con and I'm like looking at trying to find this leak. And at the same time, I was full squirting on the customer and she was too embarrassed to tell me that. I it was like it was beyond just like lactating. It was when it does that full let down and just squirts out of my top and was terrified.

Shame because you could have picked up some breastpads in there at the same time. I could have made it all around the shop. I was just telling you about this before. But I had a situation where I was in mid serving a customer at Tony May and we just had a new aircorn instored right above where I was standing, and I felt wet, like a drip on me. And I look at the customer and I go, oh, I'm so sorry the air con is leaking. And I looked up at the air con and I'm like looking at trying to find this leak. And at the same time, I was full squirting on the customer and she was too embarrassed to tell me that. I it was like it was beyond just like lactating. It was when it does that full let down and just squirts out of my top and was terrified.

Yeah, yeah, like a water.

Yeah, yeah, like a water.

For her skin though very good for.

For her skin though very good for.

You should be grateful.

You should be grateful.

Rub that on yourself, charger for it, Like that's essentially a facial that's terrible.

Rub that on yourself, charger for it, Like that's essentially a facial that's terrible.

Don't worry.

Don't worry.

I feel like any mom or new mum listening to it so will be like we've all been that, We've all had those moments.

I feel like any mom or new mum listening to it so will be like we've all been that, We've all had those moments.

We put the questions out because you were so requested. We were like, hey, let's just really lead into this. What did you want to know from Holly, like, you guys have wanted this information and let's try and start in chronological order.

We put the questions out because you were so requested. We were like, hey, let's just really lead into this. What did you want to know from Holly, like, you guys have wanted this information and let's try and start in chronological order.

But there were quite a lot of.

But there were quite a lot of.

Questions surrounding your life before the Bachelor. Were you already into like interior styling and fashion styling and because that's what people look at you for now, it's really become your mold of your Instagram presence.

Questions surrounding your life before the Bachelor. Were you already into like interior styling and fashion styling and because that's what people look at you for now, it's really become your mold of your Instagram presence.

Yeah, I mean so, I was in fashion marketing for ten years so before ironically I was one of my main things was influence outreach and basically forgetting influencers to do campaigns and things like that. So I worked for a company called Retailer Power Group. And to be completely honest, when I went on the show, Jimmy and I were both asked to be to well, both both as to be on The Bachelor but with but when Casting was basically saying to me, because I was, I'm absolutely not doing it. It's just not something that I feel like is the right thing for me. And when Casting reached out, they basically said, look, we're trialing something different this year. Basically no one has any form of Instagram following. He doesn't want to be he doesn't want to be an influencer. He's got a real job all of that stuff, and I was like, Okay, great, that sounds good to me because I don't want to be in that whole scene. And then I mean fast forward afterwards and it just kind of it's just something that we we started doing. It is something that just happens. Yeah, it happens. Jimmy and I had a big chat about it after the show it aired, and we were like, well, if we are going to do this, what like, how do we do it? What do we want to do? And a big thing for us we made a pledge to each other was if we are going to do this, we have to always make sure that if we're ever going to do brand partnerships, they always have to feel authentic to us. We have to know and love the product or we have to trial the product and genuinely love it. And that's something that for us over the years has been incredibly important. It's not something that we I remember at the start, you know, getting you get so many requests, Yeah, well so many requests. Mate.

Yeah, I mean so, I was in fashion marketing for ten years so before ironically I was one of my main things was influence outreach and basically forgetting influencers to do campaigns and things like that. So I worked for a company called Retailer Power Group. And to be completely honest, when I went on the show, Jimmy and I were both asked to be to well, both both as to be on The Bachelor but with but when Casting was basically saying to me, because I was, I'm absolutely not doing it. It's just not something that I feel like is the right thing for me. And when Casting reached out, they basically said, look, we're trialing something different this year. Basically no one has any form of Instagram following. He doesn't want to be he doesn't want to be an influencer. He's got a real job all of that stuff, and I was like, Okay, great, that sounds good to me because I don't want to be in that whole scene. And then I mean fast forward afterwards and it just kind of it's just something that we we started doing. It is something that just happens. Yeah, it happens. Jimmy and I had a big chat about it after the show it aired, and we were like, well, if we are going to do this, what like, how do we do it? What do we want to do? And a big thing for us we made a pledge to each other was if we are going to do this, we have to always make sure that if we're ever going to do brand partnerships, they always have to feel authentic to us. We have to know and love the product or we have to trial the product and genuinely love it. And that's something that for us over the years has been incredibly important. It's not something that we I remember at the start, you know, getting you get so many requests, Yeah, well so many requests. Mate.

I did a soup in COVID.

I did a soup in COVID.

I needed money and I was like, oh, nothing against sorry take out soup.

I needed money and I was like, oh, nothing against sorry take out soup.

Promote in COVID. I remember looking at brit at that point.

Promote in COVID. I remember looking at brit at that point.

Now, I was like, that's a real low point when you're poking packet soup on Instagram and I was.

Now, I was like, that's a real low point when you're poking packet soup on Instagram and I was.

Like, sorry, I need to support my entire family in COVID. Yes, I'll sell the soup. I loved the soup, to be fair, it was authentic.

Like, sorry, I need to support my entire family in COVID. Yes, I'll sell the soup. I loved the soup, to be fair, it was authentic.

It's authentic.

It's authentic.

I also do think that when you come from the side of life where you don't have an Instagram presence, you know, when you're not an influencer. I do think that we look at influencers with a dirty lens. I think that we can kind of have a perception around what we think that is. And then you you know, doing a reality TV show like The Bachelor means you're thrust into a situation where you do have a following and people are paying attention to what it is that you're saying, whether that's a value or not of value, and you have a choice to choose what type of business quote unquote you want to be. And I think that I've kind of had the same feeling around it, Like I didn't have a personal Instagram when I did The Bachelor. I only had my business one Tony May and then all of a sudden I had this random one called Lady in a Cat that had a lot of people following it.

I also do think that when you come from the side of life where you don't have an Instagram presence, you know, when you're not an influencer. I do think that we look at influencers with a dirty lens. I think that we can kind of have a perception around what we think that is. And then you you know, doing a reality TV show like The Bachelor means you're thrust into a situation where you do have a following and people are paying attention to what it is that you're saying, whether that's a value or not of value, and you have a choice to choose what type of business quote unquote you want to be. And I think that I've kind of had the same feeling around it, Like I didn't have a personal Instagram when I did The Bachelor. I only had my business one Tony May and then all of a sudden I had this random one called Lady in a Cat that had a lot of people following it.

And I was like, well, what do I want to do with this?

And I was like, well, what do I want to do with this?

Like it would almost be a missed opportunity to say that you're going to do nothing with it, you know. So I think that your perception around it changes as you become more familiar with what it means to have that responsibility.

Like it would almost be a missed opportunity to say that you're going to do nothing with it, you know. So I think that your perception around it changes as you become more familiar with what it means to have that responsibility.

Yeah, and I think for Jimmy and I as well. I mean that first year was I mean, you go from being on a reality show to then being in a new relationship and then you're basically working together and we had no shortage of arguments. We decided we really wanted to focus on travel. He's a pilot, and you know, I really wanted to do all of the travel stuff, and so we were reaching out to, you know, all these different little airbnbs, like we'd love to come and you know, and we'd bring the mics and we do all of these things. And we worked really, really hard. I mean, Jimmy learned how to fly the drone. He tried to teach me and I crushed it, so I don't touch that anymore. But we worked really hard, particularly with the travel stuff to make something of it, and that took about a year and a half and now we're doing a lot more of that and whatnot. But it does take work, and you've got to be incredibly authentic otherwise people can see through it.

Yeah, and I think for Jimmy and I as well. I mean that first year was I mean, you go from being on a reality show to then being in a new relationship and then you're basically working together and we had no shortage of arguments. We decided we really wanted to focus on travel. He's a pilot, and you know, I really wanted to do all of the travel stuff, and so we were reaching out to, you know, all these different little airbnbs, like we'd love to come and you know, and we'd bring the mics and we do all of these things. And we worked really, really hard. I mean, Jimmy learned how to fly the drone. He tried to teach me and I crushed it, so I don't touch that anymore. But we worked really hard, particularly with the travel stuff to make something of it, and that took about a year and a half and now we're doing a lot more of that and whatnot. But it does take work, and you've got to be incredibly authentic otherwise people can see through it.

Now, what was that you said the first year your life? You know, you go from being on the show to having a relationship to working together. What was that like for your relationship, Because I think everybody has a different experience when they get spat out of that Bachelor machine and there's not a lot of there's not a lot of support. You kind of just go from being on this show to being like cool, make it or break it, you know. And then I mean it's very evident that some couples thrive in that or it's galvanizing for them, and other couples really just it's a pressure cooker that they can't survive.

Now, what was that you said the first year your life? You know, you go from being on the show to having a relationship to working together. What was that like for your relationship, Because I think everybody has a different experience when they get spat out of that Bachelor machine and there's not a lot of there's not a lot of support. You kind of just go from being on this show to being like cool, make it or break it, you know. And then I mean it's very evident that some couples thrive in that or it's galvanizing for them, and other couples really just it's a pressure cooker that they can't survive.

Yeah, we were very lucky that we had each other and we kind of we did thrive in that whole environment. And I think it was just because it felt a little bit like it was us against us against the world.

Yeah, we were very lucky that we had each other and we kind of we did thrive in that whole environment. And I think it was just because it felt a little bit like it was us against us against the world.

It does feel like that, I mean I do, but it still felt like me against the world.

It does feel like that, I mean I do, but it still felt like me against the world.

But it does feel like that.

But it does feel like that.

Yeah, and you know, we put our foot in it a few times. I'm sure you could probably remember one of those times. You know. That's when it's really tricky, is when you say something that you know gets taken out of context or something, and then it's genuinely you feel like the world is against you, and you have that opportunity to either go, well, we can do this together, or we can you know, let it break us. And we thankfully didn't let those things break us.

Yeah, and you know, we put our foot in it a few times. I'm sure you could probably remember one of those times. You know. That's when it's really tricky, is when you say something that you know gets taken out of context or something, and then it's genuinely you feel like the world is against you, and you have that opportunity to either go, well, we can do this together, or we can you know, let it break us. And we thankfully didn't let those things break us.

You've maintained a really close friendship with Carli from that from the season that you guys did. Is there anyone else from the season that you've been friends with or like, what was that experience like for you when you came out of the show and then still had to engage with some of the girls and you know, yeah, it's a weird one.

You've maintained a really close friendship with Carli from that from the season that you guys did. Is there anyone else from the season that you've been friends with or like, what was that experience like for you when you came out of the show and then still had to engage with some of the girls and you know, yeah, it's a weird one.

Yeah, Well, I mean I didn't have a heap of friends on that show. I've tried to think about it a few times. I think it's because I have a personality which I was probably considered to be a little bit blunt, a bit sarcastic with some of the girls, and I think there was also that element of I mean it's just a very bizarre environment to make friends. Carlie and I are still very close. Its actually her wedding in a few weeks and I am bridesmaid, which is really fun. And I'm also still really close with Tani and Lily, So I kind of came out. I was really lucky to come out with a couple of friends. I haven't spoken to the others.

Yeah, Well, I mean I didn't have a heap of friends on that show. I've tried to think about it a few times. I think it's because I have a personality which I was probably considered to be a little bit blunt, a bit sarcastic with some of the girls, and I think there was also that element of I mean it's just a very bizarre environment to make friends. Carlie and I are still very close. Its actually her wedding in a few weeks and I am bridesmaid, which is really fun. And I'm also still really close with Tani and Lily, So I kind of came out. I was really lucky to come out with a couple of friends. I haven't spoken to the others.

It's one of those things where and I always describe it as like, if you win it, you come out with a partner, and if you lose it, you come out with friends. And it's not very common to come out with both because at the end of the day, you're in competition with women for affection and there's like this hierarchy system that starts to happen, and it is just not an environment that is conducive for breeding friendships when you're pitted against each other at every point.

It's one of those things where and I always describe it as like, if you win it, you come out with a partner, and if you lose it, you come out with friends. And it's not very common to come out with both because at the end of the day, you're in competition with women for affection and there's like this hierarchy system that starts to happen, and it is just not an environment that is conducive for breeding friendships when you're pitted against each other at every point.

It's funny because I came out with friendly with everyone, like not on bad terms with anyone, like you'll support each other on Instagram. But I didn't come out with any proper friends from the show. Still not to this day do I have any My two friends closest friends from the Bachelor, are you? Laura from a different season, and the stylist Kim, who's become one of my best friends. Like, they're the relationships that I ended up taking from The Bachelor because it is it's not a normal environment, and when you leave sometimes when you're in it, you have these amazing connections, like I had really good friends on the show, but then when you leave you realize that maybe it's the pressure cooker environment that forces you to have similarities, and then when you leave, you're like, oh, it's not quite what it was in It's funny.

It's funny because I came out with friendly with everyone, like not on bad terms with anyone, like you'll support each other on Instagram. But I didn't come out with any proper friends from the show. Still not to this day do I have any My two friends closest friends from the Bachelor, are you? Laura from a different season, and the stylist Kim, who's become one of my best friends. Like, they're the relationships that I ended up taking from The Bachelor because it is it's not a normal environment, and when you leave sometimes when you're in it, you have these amazing connections, like I had really good friends on the show, but then when you leave you realize that maybe it's the pressure cooker environment that forces you to have similarities, and then when you leave, you're like, oh, it's not quite what it was in It's funny.

I think back to those bunk beds. I don't know. I actually think it's hilarious because the bunk beds, they're all engraved by past seasons, and some of the engravings were like leave, get out, and you're like, ride where am I?

I think back to those bunk beds. I don't know. I actually think it's hilarious because the bunk beds, they're all engraved by past seasons, and some of the engravings were like leave, get out, and you're like, ride where am I?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't think I had anything of yours. I remember, yes, someone from the previous season. I remember reading hers and it was like love so and so and it was like get out right now while you can. And I was like, oh my god, what have I done me?

I don't think I had anything of yours. I remember, yes, someone from the previous season. I remember reading hers and it was like love so and so and it was like get out right now while you can. And I was like, oh my god, what have I done me?

Hious?

Hious?

Yeah, but you would go to bed these bunk beds all crammed in this room. And I remember even with Carli, she would come home from a date at like eleven pm or something and she'd crawl up into the squeaky bunk bed on top of me and I'd be like, how was it?

Yeah, but you would go to bed these bunk beds all crammed in this room. And I remember even with Carli, she would come home from a date at like eleven pm or something and she'd crawl up into the squeaky bunk bed on top of me and I'd be like, how was it?

Did you give him a kiss?

Did you give him a kiss?

And it's like, how bizarre is that relationship? And you can either yeah, I think it's like what you said, Britt, is you either realize you don't have that much in common and what you have in common is bitching about production, bitching about the situation, or you know, you're both dating the same guy and you talk about his kissing technique and then you get off the show and you're like, actually, we don't have that much in common. And thankfully for the girls that I was close with and still I am close with, is that we realized that we did have quite a lot in common, which was nice.

And it's like, how bizarre is that relationship? And you can either yeah, I think it's like what you said, Britt, is you either realize you don't have that much in common and what you have in common is bitching about production, bitching about the situation, or you know, you're both dating the same guy and you talk about his kissing technique and then you get off the show and you're like, actually, we don't have that much in common. And thankfully for the girls that I was close with and still I am close with, is that we realized that we did have quite a lot in common, which was nice.

You guys, obviously you have baby Letty now and we're like, as we've established where like in the early throes of what motherhood looks like it means to you, but I kind of want to take you back to when you were trying. And also you spoke about it a little bit on Instagram after you did share that you were pregnant that it wasn't an easy road to pregnancy. What was that period like and from when you guys decided to start trying until when you actually found out that you're pregnant with Lenny.

You guys, obviously you have baby Letty now and we're like, as we've established where like in the early throes of what motherhood looks like it means to you, but I kind of want to take you back to when you were trying. And also you spoke about it a little bit on Instagram after you did share that you were pregnant that it wasn't an easy road to pregnancy. What was that period like and from when you guys decided to start trying until when you actually found out that you're pregnant with Lenny.

Yeah, well, first of all, I turned into an absolute nutter in that time, and I think it's really it's really easy to get completely swept up in this whole thing because you spend your whole life trying not to get pregnant, and then when you start trying, you realize, hold on a second, it's actually so not as easy kids just putting the p in the v and it's all done.

Yeah, well, first of all, I turned into an absolute nutter in that time, and I think it's really it's really easy to get completely swept up in this whole thing because you spend your whole life trying not to get pregnant, and then when you start trying, you realize, hold on a second, it's actually so not as easy kids just putting the p in the v and it's all done.

You can see penis a bit of manner on the podcast.

You can see penis a bit of manner on the podcast.

I Feel So Naughty. No, it was actually a really, really challenging time. I think that was probably one of the hardest times in my relationship with Jimmy, because I think it's kind of like you you are going through the ovulation stage and then you have to wait two weeks or however long, and you may get your period, and it's those two weeks that you're just riddled with anxiety and also with a bit of hope, and then it doesn't happen. And I was just a wreck for that whole week while I had my period, and then you start over again. And I'm also very cautious talking about this stuff because I know that so many people have it so much worse. And that's why I don't delve too much about it on social media because I think it is really you know, it can be quite triggering for people. It's a very sensitive topic, but for us, I mean, we got to the stage where we were checking sperm and doing those procedures and whatnot. Ironically, it was actually Jimmy had gone to get his sperm checked the day before I did the ignancy test, which I'm so glad he did that because that was quite a funny experience.

I Feel So Naughty. No, it was actually a really, really challenging time. I think that was probably one of the hardest times in my relationship with Jimmy, because I think it's kind of like you you are going through the ovulation stage and then you have to wait two weeks or however long, and you may get your period, and it's those two weeks that you're just riddled with anxiety and also with a bit of hope, and then it doesn't happen. And I was just a wreck for that whole week while I had my period, and then you start over again. And I'm also very cautious talking about this stuff because I know that so many people have it so much worse. And that's why I don't delve too much about it on social media because I think it is really you know, it can be quite triggering for people. It's a very sensitive topic, but for us, I mean, we got to the stage where we were checking sperm and doing those procedures and whatnot. Ironically, it was actually Jimmy had gone to get his sperm checked the day before I did the ignancy test, which I'm so glad he did that because that was quite a funny experience.

Oh yeah, it is.

Oh yeah, it is.

It's just like I can't remember what he said. He just made the whole situation so awkward. Like I think as we left, he said to the receptionist like record timing or something, and I was like, why did you say that, Like why do you feel the need to feel that silence?

It's just like I can't remember what he said. He just made the whole situation so awkward. Like I think as we left, he said to the receptionist like record timing or something, and I was like, why did you say that, Like why do you feel the need to feel that silence?

I offered to go in with Ben when Ben did it, because we froze embryos. When Ben did it, they were like, it bands your time coming. So he got up to get the cup and go into this little room and I was following behind him.

I offered to go in with Ben when Ben did it, because we froze embryos. When Ben did it, they were like, it bands your time coming. So he got up to get the cup and go into this little room and I was following behind him.

He's like, what are you doing? I was like, I don't know. Don't you want Do you want me in there? He's like no, it's like I was going to go in and play. I don't know what I was going to do. I was like, don't you need me? He's like, get out.

He's like, what are you doing? I was like, I don't know. Don't you want Do you want me in there? He's like no, it's like I was going to go in and play. I don't know what I was going to do. I was like, don't you need me? He's like, get out.

Have you seen the room? Though? Yes?

Have you seen the room? Though? Yes?

The TV it's like so gross, it's so gross, plastic chair and like a TV to watch pawn.

The TV it's like so gross, it's so gross, plastic chair and like a TV to watch pawn.

Yeah, And I think Jimmy actually went to play the TV, which was like one of those old school, like thick TVs, and it was like resume from resume from where you're at. It was like seventeen minutes in and he was like, oh god, okay, so he just got his phone out, I think. But yeah, it was a challenging time for us, and we fought a lot in that time, mainly because I was just not the best version of myself at all. I think you have this vision I've always wanted to be a mum, and when you have this thought that maybe it might not happen, or maybe you might have to go down a more difficult route to get there. I found it really really hard, and Jimmy tried his best to understand where I was at, whilst also coping with the fact that he actually might not you know, have him It might not be as easy for him either, you know, their journey to becoming a dad. So it was a trying time. But yeah, we're just very grateful. I think that we didn't have to go down more of a difficult route to get there. We were lucky to get pregnant and conceive naturally.

Yeah, And I think Jimmy actually went to play the TV, which was like one of those old school, like thick TVs, and it was like resume from resume from where you're at. It was like seventeen minutes in and he was like, oh god, okay, so he just got his phone out, I think. But yeah, it was a challenging time for us, and we fought a lot in that time, mainly because I was just not the best version of myself at all. I think you have this vision I've always wanted to be a mum, and when you have this thought that maybe it might not happen, or maybe you might have to go down a more difficult route to get there. I found it really really hard, and Jimmy tried his best to understand where I was at, whilst also coping with the fact that he actually might not you know, have him It might not be as easy for him either, you know, their journey to becoming a dad. So it was a trying time. But yeah, we're just very grateful. I think that we didn't have to go down more of a difficult route to get there. We were lucky to get pregnant and conceive naturally.

Yeah, And it's a hard space to talk about because hard and difficult is subjective. Because somebody else's journey is harder than yours doesn't mean yours wasn't hard. And I understand why it's difficult to talk about because no matter what happens to you or anyone listening, there will be someone else has had it easier, and there will always be someone else who has had it harder. And it's difficult because you don't want to take away from your experience and you don't want to add to someone else's. But it's still your story to tell, so it's still okay for you to say it wasn't the easiest thing for you.

Yeah, And it's a hard space to talk about because hard and difficult is subjective. Because somebody else's journey is harder than yours doesn't mean yours wasn't hard. And I understand why it's difficult to talk about because no matter what happens to you or anyone listening, there will be someone else has had it easier, and there will always be someone else who has had it harder. And it's difficult because you don't want to take away from your experience and you don't want to add to someone else's. But it's still your story to tell, so it's still okay for you to say it wasn't the easiest thing for you.

Yeah, it's something and that's something that I kind of overthink a lot with social media, and I'm sure you're both quite similar as well. Is you've just got to be so aware when it comes to sharing these things.

Yeah, it's something and that's something that I kind of overthink a lot with social media, and I'm sure you're both quite similar as well. Is you've just got to be so aware when it comes to sharing these things.

Yeah, But I also think it's important to show the spectrum of how people feel along this journey.

Yeah, But I also think it's important to show the spectrum of how people feel along this journey.

And there are a lot of.

And there are a lot of.

Women who maybe try naturally for a year and then they've created a narrative for themselves that it's like every month is a disappointment and a sadness, and like those women as well feel like, well, I can't talk about this because it's not as bad as someone who's currently going through IVF, but there's.

Women who maybe try naturally for a year and then they've created a narrative for themselves that it's like every month is a disappointment and a sadness, and like those women as well feel like, well, I can't talk about this because it's not as bad as someone who's currently going through IVF, but there's.

Still a deep sense of like not having the thing that you want. And I mean, the only thing that.

Still a deep sense of like not having the thing that you want. And I mean, the only thing that.

I can compare it to from my perspective is I've had two miscarriages. Both of those were as in I had a miscarriage before Marley and then I had a miscarriage before Lola, and I was very lucky to get pregnant quite quickly after each miscarriage, and I felt that having a successful pregnancy after each miscarriage kind of like voided my ability to be sad about the miscarriages because I was like, well, at least I got pregnant.

I can compare it to from my perspective is I've had two miscarriages. Both of those were as in I had a miscarriage before Marley and then I had a miscarriage before Lola, and I was very lucky to get pregnant quite quickly after each miscarriage, and I felt that having a successful pregnancy after each miscarriage kind of like voided my ability to be sad about the miscarriages because I was like, well, at least I got pregnant.

Like negated the fact that it happened because you fell straight away totally.

Like negated the fact that it happened because you fell straight away totally.

So it was like I was like, well, I kind of want to tell this story, but also I need to make sure that people know that, like, I know that other people's version of this is worse than mine. And I guess like there's space for all of those discussions in the spectrum of what it is to you know, have a journey towards motherhood. And everyone is very, very sensitive to the fact that there are women out there who have it incredibly, incredibly hard, and it's so important that those stories are shared. But I think every other story along that spectrum is equally as important to share because there are other people who are going through the exact same thing.

So it was like I was like, well, I kind of want to tell this story, but also I need to make sure that people know that, like, I know that other people's version of this is worse than mine. And I guess like there's space for all of those discussions in the spectrum of what it is to you know, have a journey towards motherhood. And everyone is very, very sensitive to the fact that there are women out there who have it incredibly, incredibly hard, and it's so important that those stories are shared. But I think every other story along that spectrum is equally as important to share because there are other people who are going through the exact same thing.

Yeah, And I remember when we were trying. I remember thinking, well, I've only ever heard of like my close friends getting pregnant first try or having to go down IVF routes, having to you know try for many years before anything, I never ever heard of the people in the middle. And you know, when we went to go see a GP and speak about what our next options were, she said, look, like, what's normal. I know, but generally it would be six to twelve months that people are trying, and that's kind of what we would consider normal. And I was like, even I didn't even know that. I thought that, you know, most people got pregnant first go or it's a full on journey.

Yeah, And I remember when we were trying. I remember thinking, well, I've only ever heard of like my close friends getting pregnant first try or having to go down IVF routes, having to you know try for many years before anything, I never ever heard of the people in the middle. And you know, when we went to go see a GP and speak about what our next options were, she said, look, like, what's normal. I know, but generally it would be six to twelve months that people are trying, and that's kind of what we would consider normal. And I was like, even I didn't even know that. I thought that, you know, most people got pregnant first go or it's a full on journey.

So you can't A lot of people might not even know this.

So you can't A lot of people might not even know this.

But with IVF, they won't even see you unless you've been trying for twelve months, Like twelve months is definitely the okay, twelve months, we might start to think there's a problem. It really isn't as easy as people think. But we do hear the people that are like, oh my god, I fell first try, like I wasn't even trying, and that's great, that's amazing, But it definitely isn't the normal thing, and I think people need to understand that to make themselves feel better. Also the fact that you're an educated woman in your thirties trying for a baby and you weren't even aware of that.

But with IVF, they won't even see you unless you've been trying for twelve months, Like twelve months is definitely the okay, twelve months, we might start to think there's a problem. It really isn't as easy as people think. But we do hear the people that are like, oh my god, I fell first try, like I wasn't even trying, and that's great, that's amazing, But it definitely isn't the normal thing, and I think people need to understand that to make themselves feel better. Also the fact that you're an educated woman in your thirties trying for a baby and you weren't even aware of that.

No, and I was so unaware of so many, like so many different things. I didn't even know that you could only get pregnant a few days in the month when we first started trying. I was like, I don't really.

No, and I was so unaware of so many, like so many different things. I didn't even know that you could only get pregnant a few days in the month when we first started trying. I was like, I don't really.

Tell you that just so could I navigated month. It's like, I'm pretty sure I read somewhere.

Tell you that just so could I navigated month. It's like, I'm pretty sure I read somewhere.

The fertility window is three weeks.

The fertility window is three weeks.

I had no idea.

I had no idea.

What was it like for you when you got that positive pregnancy test.

What was it like for you when you got that positive pregnancy test.

I was in shock, And if I'm completely honest, I feel like I was in shock for many, many months. And I think after trying for a while, I was so terrified something was going to happen. And at the time, I was filming Luxury Escapes TV, so I was I was on like cruise ships and things, which is not where you want to be when you're in your first trimester. And I was just kind of around the world. And I was actually in a really bad place mentally because I was hating first trimester, but mostly I was mentally not in a great place because I was terrified constantly that something was going to happen. And I was constantly going, you know, oh, I don't know, did I eat something that may you just you go into all of these mindsets that just I don't know.

I was in shock, And if I'm completely honest, I feel like I was in shock for many, many months. And I think after trying for a while, I was so terrified something was going to happen. And at the time, I was filming Luxury Escapes TV, so I was I was on like cruise ships and things, which is not where you want to be when you're in your first trimester. And I was just kind of around the world. And I was actually in a really bad place mentally because I was hating first trimester, but mostly I was mentally not in a great place because I was terrified constantly that something was going to happen. And I was constantly going, you know, oh, I don't know, did I eat something that may you just you go into all of these mindsets that just I don't know.

I was.

I was.

I struggled a little bit. Actually I struggled my whole pregnancy. I'm going to say it right here. I hated being pregnant, And I think two things can be true. I think you can be so grateful that you are having a baby and you're pregnant, but you can also not really enjoy the experience. And I didn't love being pregnant.

I struggled a little bit. Actually I struggled my whole pregnancy. I'm going to say it right here. I hated being pregnant, And I think two things can be true. I think you can be so grateful that you are having a baby and you're pregnant, but you can also not really enjoy the experience. And I didn't love being pregnant.

What else did you not like about being pregnant?

What else did you not like about being pregnant?

I felt quite self conscious a lot, like I've felt like my body was changing so rapidly, and it was one of those things where all of a sudden, this doesn't happen in life, where if you gain a few kilos, someone will be, oh, you're looking you know, you're looking on a little on the curve your side. And the second that you become pregnant or you announce that you're pregnant, people feel it's actually completely okay to go, wow, you're sure you're not having twins. I got that constantly, or wow, you're looking very healthy. It's like, but it was said in a that didn't seem like a compliment. I was really self conscious, and I think in this world as well, in the social media world, that's a little bit more exacerbated because you are getting those comments and those dms quite frequently about your body. Yeah, like daily, I also just I genuinely the hormones did not did not agree with me. I was just anxious a lot, and I wasn't myself, and I was causing a lot of arguments with Jimmy and I because I was just constantly angry about something. I was just an angry pregnant lady.

I felt quite self conscious a lot, like I've felt like my body was changing so rapidly, and it was one of those things where all of a sudden, this doesn't happen in life, where if you gain a few kilos, someone will be, oh, you're looking you know, you're looking on a little on the curve your side. And the second that you become pregnant or you announce that you're pregnant, people feel it's actually completely okay to go, wow, you're sure you're not having twins. I got that constantly, or wow, you're looking very healthy. It's like, but it was said in a that didn't seem like a compliment. I was really self conscious, and I think in this world as well, in the social media world, that's a little bit more exacerbated because you are getting those comments and those dms quite frequently about your body. Yeah, like daily, I also just I genuinely the hormones did not did not agree with me. I was just anxious a lot, and I wasn't myself, and I was causing a lot of arguments with Jimmy and I because I was just constantly angry about something. I was just an angry pregnant lady.

I mean, I know that's kind of fast forwarding a bit, and I want to know about the birth and everything else. But you've mentioned hormones a couple of times, and I think it's so important to talk about that period afterwards. And so many women experience it where there isn't this instant gratitude or connection or happiness. There's this feeling of like what the fuck have we done? And it lifts, but it's very real feeling, and it kind of exists alongside lots of other feelings of motherhood at the same time.

I mean, I know that's kind of fast forwarding a bit, and I want to know about the birth and everything else. But you've mentioned hormones a couple of times, and I think it's so important to talk about that period afterwards. And so many women experience it where there isn't this instant gratitude or connection or happiness. There's this feeling of like what the fuck have we done? And it lifts, but it's very real feeling, and it kind of exists alongside lots of other feelings of motherhood at the same time.

What was that like for you?

What was that like for you?

That was, without a doubt, the worst. That's first part of the fourth trimester was the worst part of this whole time for me, with pregnancy, with trying to conceive, with everything. And I've never spoken about it because I truly feel like such an element of guilt. I have everything I ever wanted. We moved into a beautiful new house. Jimmy was amazing. He was on paternity leave and he was there constantly and being an amazing father, and he was just so positive all the time, which also led to resentment because I was like, nothing's changed for you, and everything's changed for me, which obviously things have changed for him. But I felt such an element of guilt, particularly in that first month, because genuinely I just felt fog. I felt like I was looking out the window and I was like, I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I think it was just a little bit of baby blues. And I think a lot of people experience this, But when I had the C section and when he came out, I didn't feel this instant like they showed me the baby and I was like, is this kind of like this moment where you're like, I know there was a baby in there that whole time, but that's a baby, yeah, you know, like I was supposed to do that. And I remember when I was wheeled back up after the theater and the midwife came in and she was this older midwife who had done this for thirty years, and she was like, okay, were you guys all good? And jim and I looked at each other and we were like, but oh, sorry, but what do we do now? And she was like, just keep doing what you're doing. And I remember her leaving the room, like in slow motion and just being like.

That was, without a doubt, the worst. That's first part of the fourth trimester was the worst part of this whole time for me, with pregnancy, with trying to conceive, with everything. And I've never spoken about it because I truly feel like such an element of guilt. I have everything I ever wanted. We moved into a beautiful new house. Jimmy was amazing. He was on paternity leave and he was there constantly and being an amazing father, and he was just so positive all the time, which also led to resentment because I was like, nothing's changed for you, and everything's changed for me, which obviously things have changed for him. But I felt such an element of guilt, particularly in that first month, because genuinely I just felt fog. I felt like I was looking out the window and I was like, I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I think it was just a little bit of baby blues. And I think a lot of people experience this, But when I had the C section and when he came out, I didn't feel this instant like they showed me the baby and I was like, is this kind of like this moment where you're like, I know there was a baby in there that whole time, but that's a baby, yeah, you know, like I was supposed to do that. And I remember when I was wheeled back up after the theater and the midwife came in and she was this older midwife who had done this for thirty years, and she was like, okay, were you guys all good? And jim and I looked at each other and we were like, but oh, sorry, but what do we do now? And she was like, just keep doing what you're doing. And I remember her leaving the room, like in slow motion and just being like.

Don't go. Yeah please.

Don't go. Yeah please.

I was like, what do we do with this little thing? And yeah, I think just it was probably almost at the four week mark postpartum where all of a sudden I woke up and I was just like, wow, this is actually quite fun, and maybe we should start planning a holiday this year, and maybe, you know, I could start thinking about getting back into pilates, and like, all of a sudden, I was thinking about the future, and before I was just every day just trying to It sounds quite dramatic, but trying to survive. Was just going, you know, I feel like I should be so grateful for this perfect little baby, and it led to guilt because everything was so great, and I was like, you're the problem. And we also had Lenny leading up to Christmas, so there were so many people wanting to come over and visit. And I said to Jimmy at one point, I think it was about three weeks in and I said, I think I've lost my ability to talk to people.

I was like, what do we do with this little thing? And yeah, I think just it was probably almost at the four week mark postpartum where all of a sudden I woke up and I was just like, wow, this is actually quite fun, and maybe we should start planning a holiday this year, and maybe, you know, I could start thinking about getting back into pilates, and like, all of a sudden, I was thinking about the future, and before I was just every day just trying to It sounds quite dramatic, but trying to survive. Was just going, you know, I feel like I should be so grateful for this perfect little baby, and it led to guilt because everything was so great, and I was like, you're the problem. And we also had Lenny leading up to Christmas, so there were so many people wanting to come over and visit. And I said to Jimmy at one point, I think it was about three weeks in and I said, I think I've lost my ability to talk to people.

Yeah, I don't want any more people.

Yeah, I don't want any more people.

Yeah, I don't know how to keep conversation and sustaining conversation anymore, because I felt like everyone was so excited for us, and I wanted to be the life of the party, and I wanted to be excited, but I just wasn't you're.

Yeah, I don't know how to keep conversation and sustaining conversation anymore, because I felt like everyone was so excited for us, and I wanted to be the life of the party, and I wanted to be excited, but I just wasn't you're.

A dirt inside.

A dirt inside.

Yeah, I think that there will be so many mums who listened to this, and maybe, you know, I don't know how many, Like every pregnancy and every birthing experience is different, but I think that there will be mums out there who listen to this and go, oh my god, I had that with my first or my second, or you know, I have a girlfriend at the moment who's just recently had a baby, and she's going through the exact same thing. This like feeling as though the connection that you're expected to have.

Yeah, I think that there will be so many mums who listened to this, and maybe, you know, I don't know how many, Like every pregnancy and every birthing experience is different, but I think that there will be mums out there who listen to this and go, oh my god, I had that with my first or my second, or you know, I have a girlfriend at the moment who's just recently had a baby, and she's going through the exact same thing. This like feeling as though the connection that you're expected to have.

Just isn't there.

Just isn't there.

And I think my pregnancy with Lola was such a surprise because I felt that instant connection with Marley. But Lola, I remember sitting on the side of the bed, like three days after she was born and staring at her thinking what the fuck have I done? And I did not feel what I thought I was supposed to feel, especially in comparison to first pregnancy.

And I think my pregnancy with Lola was such a surprise because I felt that instant connection with Marley. But Lola, I remember sitting on the side of the bed, like three days after she was born and staring at her thinking what the fuck have I done? And I did not feel what I thought I was supposed to feel, especially in comparison to first pregnancy.

But it lifts, you know, and it changes and.

But it lifts, you know, and it changes and.

Like the way that you feel, especially in that like postpartum phase where your body is absolutely destroyed and then everyone's over and you're like having cups of tea, Like it's this surreal experience where you're like, I just ran a marathon and almost died, and now I'm sitting here fucking keeping this thing alive and talking to you about it, and I'm so tired. I just want to go to bed. Yeah, there's nothing that you can compare it to. So it's so close to an your death experience you're gonna have.

Like the way that you feel, especially in that like postpartum phase where your body is absolutely destroyed and then everyone's over and you're like having cups of tea, Like it's this surreal experience where you're like, I just ran a marathon and almost died, and now I'm sitting here fucking keeping this thing alive and talking to you about it, and I'm so tired. I just want to go to bed. Yeah, there's nothing that you can compare it to. So it's so close to an your death experience you're gonna have.

Yeah, yeah, I mean I just remember. And I think the other thing with the C section as well, is you were so paralyzed from like the ribs down, and I remember it was actually so bizarre. They moved me over on the sheet. I remember thinking my legs were over to my left and then I looked up and my toes are up the top of the top of.

Yeah, yeah, I mean I just remember. And I think the other thing with the C section as well, is you were so paralyzed from like the ribs down, and I remember it was actually so bizarre. They moved me over on the sheet. I remember thinking my legs were over to my left and then I looked up and my toes are up the top of the top of.

Me, and I was like, well, what is going on or nothing?

Me, and I was like, well, what is going on or nothing?

Yeah, And I remember when you're so physically unable to do anything. I remember the midwife putting Lenny on my chest, and first of all, she put him straight on my nipple and she said, oh, by the way, sorry, did you want a breast feed? And I was like, that's probably something you should ask people, but it should put him straight on there. And I just remember going like I could hardly move my arms, and it was just this moment where it was, wait, I have to parent now. I've just been through the biggest operation I was awake for of my life, and I now have to be a mum? How does that work? You know? And I think that it's just an interest. It's a very interesting start to becoming a parent.

Yeah, And I remember when you're so physically unable to do anything. I remember the midwife putting Lenny on my chest, and first of all, she put him straight on my nipple and she said, oh, by the way, sorry, did you want a breast feed? And I was like, that's probably something you should ask people, but it should put him straight on there. And I just remember going like I could hardly move my arms, and it was just this moment where it was, wait, I have to parent now. I've just been through the biggest operation I was awake for of my life, and I now have to be a mum? How does that work? You know? And I think that it's just an interest. It's a very interesting start to becoming a parent.

How did you end up with the C section?

How did you end up with the C section?

Like?

Like?

What was your birth plan? And then what when? How wide did it change?

What was your birth plan? And then what when? How wide did it change?

Didn't have a birth plan. I think our obstitution of course, used aviation analogies when we came in whole time. Yeah exactly. It was like, okay, can we drop the aviation analogies?

Didn't have a birth plan. I think our obstitution of course, used aviation analogies when we came in whole time. Yeah exactly. It was like, okay, can we drop the aviation analogies?

Yeah, And she.

Yeah, And she.

Said something with Jimmy like look, you know it's like yeah. Basically she said, you know, I wouldn't go as a passenger. I wouldn't go into I actually don't really remember. It was something like this. I wasn't listening all the time, but it was like you you know, I wouldn't go into the cockpit and tell the pilot there's not going to be any turbulence and it's going to be a smooth light and blah blah blah. The whole goal is to get those passengers on the ground safely.

Said something with Jimmy like look, you know it's like yeah. Basically she said, you know, I wouldn't go as a passenger. I wouldn't go into I actually don't really remember. It was something like this. I wasn't listening all the time, but it was like you you know, I wouldn't go into the cockpit and tell the pilot there's not going to be any turbulence and it's going to be a smooth light and blah blah blah. The whole goal is to get those passengers on the ground safely.

No, it's actually not a bad analogy, to be fair.

No, it's actually not a bad analogy, to be fair.

Yeah, And I think for me, I was just like, look, my main thing is I had like little things, you know that I wanted to make sure, like I wanted to see if I could have music on, and I wanted to you know, there were just little things. But I didn't I never thought, you know, I need to have a vaginal birth and I need this to you know, feel satisfied or whatever. And Lenny was Frank Breach. And I had marginal cord insertion, so the ambilical cord attached to the outside of the placenta, so it's just made it a bit more of a high risk pregnancy. But he was Frank Breach. It was up the right way round the whole pregnancy. And then the little monster decided that I actually want to turn upside down now.